Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?
I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have when dating. They are not successful in finding a potential partnership. Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other. There seems to be too much initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.
Men and women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other!
Not too long ago a friend of mine was publicly reprimanded by a male radio host for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way.
Why do we do this to each other and why are some men and women so damn angry?
People are just not meeting face-to-face as often. It is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer. They prefer this to figuring out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people!
Mingling is not achieved by hiding behind your dating profile. This behaviour also doesn’t provide the incentive to realize that there are some really great men and women out there. Hearing others complain online about dating woes can affect your mindset negatively. Constantly hearing they never meet anyone of substance can further this negativity.
Online dating apps and computer dating are popular for several reasons. One reason is that both men and women lack ideas on where to rendezvous. They often struggle with creativity when they want to meet a potential date. It also has a lot to do with self-esteem and fear of rejection as well.
The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one-night stand” territory, no matter how you look at it. A few people meet someone in a club and end up in a committed relationship. However, for the most part, it is a short-lived scenario. Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)
Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant provides a better environment to meet someone. You have to be more confident to actually talk to them. The dance option is not available, unlike in night clubs.
Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it also gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive hangout for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately, it is usually the same old story every weekend. Everyone wakes up perturbed and lonely. The pattern continues.
Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:
- If you are using online dating services, be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to what their profile says & notice any red flags with their pictures. Photos really are worth a thousand words on dating sites. However, many people ignore these obvious signs!
- Don’t get caught up and blinded by a person’s status! These are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high-profile type. These people usually frequent the same establishments, and word travels fast. Do you really want to be known as a groupie? (You may not even be aware that you have this reputation.)
- Be aware of men & women who will only date someone in a financial league. They are usually pretty easy to spot, so keep your eyes open and observe. Body language is also a dead giveaway.
- Don’t allow yourself to be the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK with being number 2 in a relationship.
- People who only date the perfect, beautiful type. Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked. Both sexes fall into this category.
External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.
Finding true love should not be abusive or emotionally painful.
Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.
If you classify yourself as a certain “type,” you will be stuck in repetitive scenarios. You may also limit yourself by only liking a certain type of person. Fear can be a powerful relationship suppressor. Be aware of forming patterns that prevent you from having love in your life. Don’t let fear of what may or may not happen hold you back.
Challenge those internal demons as to why you don’t feel worthy of having love in your life.
If you don’t have the strength to get out of recurring heartbreaking situations, then start observing some of your friends. They might be more experienced than you. Follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.)
Change up your dating patterns and the venues you frequent. This will you a better chance of meeting someone of substance. Everyone deserves love!
Some of the 10 best places to meet and start a good conversation:
- Golf driving range. An Executive Par 3 course is also a good choice, as less serious golfers will go there. (Unless, of course, you are a great player!)
- Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
- The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi and take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
- Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
- Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high pedestrian traffic.
- Sporting venue (hockey game, baseball game, soccer match, golf spectator, etc.)
- Any mingle social event or lounge (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
- Meet up groups (Check your local area for the groups available, or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
- Take a course or join a group activity where there will be others attending who have similar interests to you. That way, you already have something in common.
- Speed Dating and Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.
The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. Some wonderful people are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship.
Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up!
You are in charge of yourself. Listen to your instincts. Work out the kinks that are causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It’s totally your decision and no one else’s.
We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long-term. It will keep repelling it away from you. Be open & ready to accept a loving partnership into your life.
Sybersue xo <3
Susan McCord @ Please Check Out My YouTube Channel for Videos on similar topics! The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
