Relationship Advice: My EX Wants Me Back!

What do you do if your Ex wants to come back into your life?

Should you give the relationship another try? You spent a lot of time getting over them and now they are once again professing their love to you!

Do you trust them? Is it too late?

There is always a reason why a relationship ends and we have to be careful that we understand the reasons why it did end before we take a leap of faith to repeat the same scenario. There are lots of things to think about and questions to ask yourself.

Some people never change while other people do.

Your intuition is your best guide in times like this so don’t ignore any red flags that it gives you. If your gut says yes, give it a shot. Life and love are all about timing.  Sometimes a relationship can be better the second time around because you have both had a chance to grow and mature.

Watch this video above to see what else Dear Sybersue has to say on how to handle this situation.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
facebook.com/dearsybersue
Blogs & Videos @ sybersue.com

 

Breakup Etiquette: Is there ever a good way to dump someone or get dumped?

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There are ways of respectfully ending a relationship but many people do not want to deal with any conflict or confrontation so they take the coward’s way out!

The reason so many men and women have a tough time getting over a breakup is due to the way it is handled.  When someone blindsides their partner with an abrupt goodbye, it does not allow them to have proper closure or understand why they were left high and dry with only so much as a “one line text” breakup message!

This is becoming quite common in new relationships in the millennium. The main reason being; texting, Instagram, Facebook & other online resources has become the form of all communication! It’s easier to hide behind social media technology than having to deal with human etiquette the old fashioned way.

It is scenarios like this that make so many people angry as the dating years wear on. The lack of diplomacy & human respect involved when another breakup occurs, is very deflating and becomes forever ingrained in a person’s self worth. 

Regardless of who ends the relationship, you should have the balls to be honest about why you need to move on. Don’t leave them guessing!

It is better to know why someone has fallen out of love with you; so you can see if there is something you may need to work on for the next potential relationship or a red flag you ignored that maybe should have been addressed early on. It may have nothing at all to do with you and it could be that they are just not meant to be in your life.

Breakup honesty can be brutal sometimes, but at least you know why they ended things and you don’t have to spend the next few years trying to figure it out.  

If you are the one who has decided to end the partnership, do not do it over the phone, in an E-mail or Text message. If it was just one or two dates, a phone call might be acceptable if it is done in a classy way, but text messages are still disrespectful and very dismissive.

Don’t become obsessed with trying to win them back by contacting them so much that you come across like a stalker or bunny boiler. It is over, don’t prolong the agony. Move on with class and let them go. As sad as it is, you can’t make someone love you. Make room for the next person to come in that does love you.

What should you do if you are no longer happy in your relationship?

  • Do not settle or stay in a relationship because you are afraid to leave or don’t want to hurt them.
  • Don’t give them false hope for the future because of your own fears of being alone.
  • Telling them you “need a break” so you can gradually breakup with them is selfish and takes time away from them finding a fulfilling relationship that is “real!”
  • Do not save them for a rainy day until you find someone better. This is really bad karma and sure to bite you in the ass down the road!
  • As difficult as it may be to have the talk with your partner, you owe it to them to be honest about your feelings. Always put the shoe on the other foot about how you would want it handled.

When you do have the courage to end your relationship, please don’t expect to be friends right away!

You just came from an intimate relationship with them and having them see you with a happy new spring in your step is hurtful for the one who got left behind. No one is that mature or strong in the initial stages, regardless of how they project themselves.

Many women have written to me complaining that there was absolutely no contact after their boyfriend broke up with them.  Ladies as hard as that is, they are actually doing you a favor. Do you want to see how well they have moved on without you? That’s just more punishment that adds to your non-stop pounding heartache.

When someone tells you they don’t want to be with you anymore because they have lost feelings for you; what more do you need to know? Of course it still hurts like a bitch but there really isn’t anything they can say to make you feel better. There is nothing more deflating than hearing them tell you that they don’t love you over and over again because you keep asking for clarity.

How Should you Handle the Breakup & Maintain Your Self Respect?

  • Do not give your Ex constant power or disrespect yourself by calling them with tearful messages or texting them 5 times a day.
  • Be careful how often you talk to your friends about your breakup as it can become way too much drama that people will start to avoid. You need your pals right now but they are not your therapist.
  • You will have really bad days, some worse than others. Know yourself and choose to stay close to home at those times so that your vulnerability doesn’t get you into trouble.
  • Do not drink & dial or drink & text!
  • Stay away from places you used to go together. Find some new places to go which may help you meet new connections as well.
  • Take your Ex off all of your social media immediately! The less you know about them the better and it will help you move on faster not seeing their face on a daily basis.
  • Make fitness a part of your day as often as possible. It is cheap therapy, gets you out of the house and helps you temporarily forget your heartache.
  • A breakup consists of a grieving period and understand you will likely go through the 5 stages of Denial, Anger, Bargaining (What ifs), Depression and Acceptance. This is natural to feel these things and the sooner you do, the sooner you will move on to finding happiness in your new life.

I learned about these 5 stages when my first marriage ended. My ego and heart were  crushed; which is the case in most breakups. My Ex moved on much quicker than I did which made it even more difficult to get on with my life. I was resentful and very hurt that he could be with someone else so quickly. We were still living in the same house together for a few months and there were awkward female scenarios that occurred during that time frame.

If you have to share a home with your EX initially after a breakup, respect their space and they should respect yours as well.

You have to take some responsibility with the demise of your relationship. I admit I had some messed up childhood insecurities that needed to be worked on and my Ex had a few of his own demons as well. This is probably what drew us together in the first place because we subconsciously thought we could help each other.

Another life lesson, do not try to fix people.

Really try hard not to badmouth your Ex to anyone who will listen.  If they are such a horrible person why were you in the relationship until “they” ended things with you?

There is always a reason why someone came into your life and when you are able to take a closer look at why they were put on your path and truly understand the reasons why; the sooner you will move on and learn to say goodbye but also appreciate what they brought to your life at the time.

Often it is something we needed to learn about ourselves…

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Lifestyle Talk Show

 

My Ex has Moved on with Someone else-Why do I still miss them?

Today Dear Sybersue discusses why some men and women still have feelings for an EX that has already moved on to another relationship. Why is it even harder to get over them after they replace you with a new partner?

You were doing OK but now the heartbreak is worse because they are starting their new life without you in it!

Did you make a mistake? Should you try to get back together? ?   Or are just feeling insecure because they are happy, while you are still in the throws of sadness from your breakup?

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord
Facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/DearSybersue

My Relationship: Should I Stay or Should I go?

My Relationship: Should I Stay or Should I go?

Dear Sybersue discusses a common relationship question. Should you stay in a partnership that is constantly having problems? Are you breaking up and getting back together all the time? Can it work or is it time to move on to a healthier place?

How often have you heard the story about the couple who were constantly and off again, finally get married and then end up divorced a few years later? When things are good in a relationship it is not that much drama. There will always be little arguments over the years but to get to the point where you take numerous breaks or actually break up, is a sign, or should I say HUGE RED FLAG that things are not meant to be with you as a couple.

You shouldn’t have to talk yourself into being there or decide that your relationship was better than nothing after diving back out into the nightmare dating pool for a few months. Compatibility is everything and if there are just too many obstacles or opposite view points, it becomes a repetitive daily struggle being together. Love shouldn’t be forced or constantly compromised for someone else. It needs to be reciprocated and respected!

Don’t waste too much time fighting your life away with someone; move on to a healthier place where you can be best friends as well as romantic partners in a stress free and loving environment. Know when the relationship has fizzled beyond repair, take away the good things your learned from it and be thankful for your time together. Leave the anger behind as it takes two to mess up a relationship. Own your stuff and move along to being an even better you.

Susan McCord  The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Facebook: DearSybersue

Another Breakup: Nobody loves me!

Another Breakup: Nobody loves me!

Part of the dating and relationship process of life is learning as much as you can from each step you take so as not to repeat the same BS crap over and over again. Yes, that nasty heart-break learning curve that seems endless for some people. “WTF? Why me, what am I doing wrong?” “Why am I so unlovable?”

OMG stop with the pity party, wipe off those crocodile tears and go yell at yourself in the bathroom mirror! “I AM AMAZING BUT I NEED TO MAKE BETTER CHOICES! I AM IN CHARGE OF ME & NO ONE ELSE HAS THAT POWER!”  On second thought, write it out on the mirror and then yell!! Do it over and over again until you really believe it, because until you do, you will continue to have these sad moments with your pets! (I’m not just talking about the crazzzzy cat ladies!)

Any breakup is hurtful but it happens for a purpose; to let you know there is something way healthier for you out there away from another heart-breaking dilemma. You might have to bang your head against that damn brick wall a few times before it clicks into the “ah ha moment,” but even taking baby steps in a new direction will get you there much faster!

So eat a carton of Haagen Daz, down a few pints at the pub, watch a few romantic tear jerker movies, cry at old photos of you as a couple, use your pets as a temporary replacement, and then give yourself a month and get the Hell into that bathroom and start screaming! It’s time for you to move onto a positive road to something real!

It’s not always about heart-break but more about a broken ego which can be dangerous if you let it rule your choices! Life experience is never a bad thing, but you can have many more great experiences once you learn how to remove yourself from the frustrating path of doing the same wrong thing over and over again.

As Dr. Phil says: “How’s that working for you?”

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

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Relationship Breakup Excuse ~ It’s not you it’s Me!

Relationship Breakup Excuse ~ It’s not you it’s Me!

 

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Things are going along great in your relationship and then you get blindsided by your partner saying things are over and using the cheesy line “it’s not you it’s me!” What the F? You have invested almost 2 years together and without any warning you get the dreaded meeting with your girlfriend/boyfriend. You feel it in your gut that something is wrong, something feels different and your heart starts to thump loudly in your chest like it is ready to explode! The phone call beforehand is the first clue and the tone of their voice clearly states something is off.

In today’s world of technology I guess we should be thankful when someone takes the time to break our heart in person rather than text us the news, but it’s never a good thing when it is not a reciprocated decision!

Seriously though; “it’s not you it’s me!” Really? That’s the big send off after 2 years? That’s all they’ve got?

Is this line supposed to make the person being dumped feel better because their partner is putting the blame on themselves?  Well maybe there is some truth to this because they are the ones missing out on having you in their life so wouldn’t that make sense that theyare the problem?  Or at least that would be nice to believe when you are hurting and wanting the pain to go away.

It’s their loss right? So why does it feel the opposite?

Our egos are very powerful and do not take rejection lightly!  There are emotions and feelings attached to it as well which makes it even harder to just move on without showing any resentment or hurt. (Some people are pretty good at faking it though and seem to move on so fast; but rest assured that no one goes unscathed during any kind of break up!)  Remember that, when you are sitting at home in tears looking at old photos of your past relationship moments! Their turn will come in one way or another, especially if they end up in a new relationship right away! Taking unhealthy emotions into a new partnership when you haven’t spent time healing, will only cause repetitive patterns to emerge.

Denial can be a long life lesson. It is better to grieve a lost love than to pretend it meant nothing to you.

You were in each other’s lives for a reason and something good came out it in one way or another; it just may take some time to see that while you are picking up the pieces of your broken heart.  If someone says it’s not you, believe them!  Regardless of the reason your partnership has ended, you cannot make someone love you and that is the saddest part when you still have a strong love for them. You are in shock and reeling from the wounds of their final words!

If you take time to think about it and you are really being honest with yourself; did you not see some things had changed within your relationship in the past few months?  There are usually a few signs that show up but most of us would rather ignore them or chalk it up to our partner being in a bad mood or that they had a hard day at the office. “They’ll get over it.”

It is always a good idea to pay close attention to your partner and anything that seems a little out of sorts with them. Body language is a big give away and listening to what they say or don’t say is also important. When things are not right in a relationship, there are hints in one way or another.  Being aware of subtle changes within your daily routine together will keep you conscious and mindful of your partner’s feelings and any emotional shifting that may occur.

Seriously Though; “It’s Not You It’s Me!” Really? @susanmccord #BreakUps #Relationships

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 Please click on the blue link below to continue reading more:  10 Reasons they may say “it’s not you, it’s me!” 

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Important Things to Think about During a Divorce or Relationship Breakup!

Important Things to Think about During a Divorce or Relationship Breakup!

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Dealing with a breakup of a marriage or long term relationship will always be a very hurtful time but it doesn’t mean you are a failure or your life is over. There are thousands of people in the same situation but the good news is; there is someone special out there for you when you are ready to receive them. The most important thing to remember is we all deserve real love in our lives but we have to allow it into our lives! Life is definitely complicated and we are all here on this continual learning curve about who we are and what really makes us happy.

What makes so many of us choose the wrong person?

Sometimes this happens when we are young and naive; or we settle for someone we don’t really love. We may talk ourselves into a relationship due our ticking biological clocks and having children, the pressure from our family and friends or we just get caught up in the romantic or sexual nature of it all without making sure the relationship is a really good fit. A “forever” partnership is not an easy thing to maintain for the average couple as we are all evolving at different stages in our lives. Unless we grow in similar directions, this will be a big problem for many people.

5 tell tale indicators that your marriage/relationship is over:

  • You’ve lost that loving feeling ~ you no longer look forward to coming home and find reasons not to.
  • You feel constant anxiety in their presence ~ whether it be from fear/abusive situations, extreme boredom or loss of respect for them.
  • There is no sexual attraction at all & in some cases you may even feel repulsed by the thought of it.
  • You both have absolutely nothing in common ~ you have grown in completely different directions.
  • You’ve tried counselling and even they give you a business card for a divorce lawyer!

So now what do you do? What will everyone say and how do you deal with the aftermath?

People talk and love a good story so don’t give them one. It is sad but true how others get enjoyment out of someone else’s misery! Be careful not to allow those people to get too close to you at this vulnerable time. You are fragile enough without having to deal with all the gossip and judgmental comments from them as well. This is your life and no one should be talking about your business but you & your Ex; especially if there are children involved. It is easy to vent to anyone who will listen but it really is in your best interest to only divulge things to a trusted friend or family member. You don’t need the added drama.

Isn’t it easier just to stay in this relationship rather to have to fight to get out of it?

Nothing is easier when it is unhealthy. Everyone deserves to be happy and have a loving partnership. Many people stay in relationships due to the kids but don’t fool yourself into thinking this is always the best scenario. Children are sponges and pick up on a lot more than you may realize. If they see a loveless marriage for most of their lives it can cause problems in their own relationships down the road. Money is another big reason for many couples to stay together but you have to ask yourself if it is really worth it in the long run to be tied to someone for only that reason. You are holding on to one aspect and giving up so many other qualities of life. It’s not all about the big house or fancy car; reciprocated love and great sex is worth way more than any material item.

10 steps that can help you to get over a divorce or long term relationship breakup:  Click Here to Continue Reading More of this post!

Article by Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talkshow

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