Am I looking for Love in all the Wrong Places?
I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life. Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.
Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other! My girlfriend recently got reprimanded by a radio personality for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way. Why do we do this to each other and why are we some men and women so damn angry?
People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people! Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become embedded into your mind in a negative way.
The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is both men and women lack some creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date. The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario. Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)
Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available. Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive pattern for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely & the patten continues…
Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:
- If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to their profile & notice any red flags. (Many people choose to ignore them, even the obvious ones)
- Don’t get caught up and blinded by people’s status or looks! There are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type. Many prominent athletes, musicians or wealthy business people frequent the same watering holes. This is a gold mine for people on the prowl for money or status or for travelers looking just to get laid.
- Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. There are usually pretty easy to spot. Just keep your eyes open and observe.
- Being the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
- People who only date the perfect & beautiful types. Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.
External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.
Finding true love should not be costly or painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you. If you classify yourself as a certain “type” you will not allow yourself to grow to your full potential! Fear can be a powerful suppressor, so be cognizant of any forming repetitive patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of the unknown.
Take baby steps to challenge your demons.
If you don’t have the strength to get out of reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.) Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance. Everyone deserves love in their life!
Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:
- Golf driving range or (An Executive par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there.)
- Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
- The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
- Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
- Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
- Sporting venue (hockey game, soccer match, golf spectator etc.)
- Any mingle social event or Lounge (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
- Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
- Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women there who have similar interests as you.
- Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.
The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship. Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up! You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It;s totally your decision and no one else’s. We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.
Susan McCord @ Please Check Out The Dear Sybersue Talk Show