Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

Pixabay ready for love hand-1044883_1280

I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life.  Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.

Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other!

Not too long ago a friend of mine was publicly reprimanded by a male radio host for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way.

Why do we do this to each other and why are some men and women so damn angry?

People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people!

Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become negatively embedded into your mind.

The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is because both men and women lack ideas or creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date.  It also has a lot to do with self-esteem and fear of rejection as well.

The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario.

Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)

Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available at night clubs.

Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it also gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive hangout for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely and the pattern continues.

Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:

  • If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to what their profile says & notice any red flags with their pictures. Photos really are worth a thousand words on most online dating sites and many people choose to ignore these obvious signs!
  • Don’t get caught up and blinded by a person’s status! These are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type. These people usually frequent the same establishments and word travels fast. Do you really want to be known as a groupie? (You may not even be aware that you have this reputation.)
  • Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. They are usually pretty easy to spot so keep your eyes open and observe. Body language is also a dead giveaway.
  • Don’t allow yourself to be the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
  • People who only date the perfect & beautiful types.  Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.

External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.

Finding true love should not be abusive or emotionally painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.

If you classify yourself as a certain “type” or that you only like a certain type of person, you will be forever stuck in repetitive scenarios.  Fear can be a powerful relationship suppressor, so be cognizant of forming any patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of what may or may not happen.

Challenge those internal demons as to why you don’t feel worthy of having love in your life.

If you don’t have the strength to get out of  reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.)

Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance.  Everyone deserves love!

Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:

  1. Golf driving range or at an Executive Par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there. (Unless of course you are a great player!)
  2. Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
  3. The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
  4. Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
  5. Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
  6. Sporting venue (hockey game, baseball game, soccer match, golf spectator etc.)
  7. Any mingle social event or lounge  (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
  8. Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
  9. Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women attending who have similar interests as you. That way you already have something in common.
  10. Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.

The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship.

Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up!

You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It’s totally your decision and no one else.

We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.

Be open & ready to receive a loving partnership into your life. ❤

Susan McCord @ Please Check Out My YouTube Channel for Videos on similar topics!    The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

Dear Sybersue: How Can I Have a Loving Relationship & Keep My Successful Career?

All Work and No Play Will Keep Potential Relationships Away

All Work and No Play Will Keep Potential Relationships Away

Dear Sybersue,

I am very successful and really motivated with my career but I do not have time to date much right now. I am an attractive, outgoing 33 year old woman but worry that if I spend too much time outside of the relationship market, I may end up screwing myself down the road. (pun intended!) How do I make both my career and love life a healthy compromise? Men say they like independent women but my experience has always been the opposite. It seems to scare them off!

My schedule is intense but I have a great group of assistants that I could delegate some of my demanding work load to so that I could take a few afternoons off. They constantly take over some of the time consuming tasks at the office to push me out of the front door so that I can have a life. I admit I am a workaholic which is becoming a lonely habit and making me somewhat reclusive. I used to be a fun woman with many friends and never had trouble getting a date. But that was 8 years ago and since then I have become one of those people that are “all about my career!”  Everyone thinks it is such an easy solution but I am addicted to my job and the fact that it is my baby, makes it even harder to take time away from.

What can I do to get out of this annoying scenario I have put myself in?

Hopeful Hannah

Dear Hannah,

Your question is one that many established career women ask themselves today. It is not easy to be a successful business woman, run a household, raise a family and be a loving wife. There are definite compromises that will be needed to help it all flow and not leave you exhausted in a robotic state with nothing left for romance or relationship nurturing. One of the big reasons couples divorce is when a partner repetitively becomes the last priority. Maintaining the love in your life is just as important as stepping up the next ladder rung to a higher career level. What’s that expression? “It can be very lonely at the top.”

You sent me your question because you really do want to change things in your life and you are finally understanding that as much as you love your job, there is something missing. Even your employees are encouraging you to get out and meet someone. You are 33 years old and if you don’t want your career to be “your only baby,” you might want to learn how to start sharing your energy in other ways.

5 Simple Steps to Help you Start Dating Again:

  1. Take a few hours a day to get outside the office and your home to do something fun! Put yourself in a mingle environment that forces you to interact with others. The gym, a pub (sit at the bar!) go to a group event or take a cross training or spin class. Anywhere that people talk to each other!
  2. Don’t pressure yourself to date right away. If you do meet someone quickly though, keep it simple and light-hearted. Do not discuss work at all after you leave the office!
  3. Rekindle your friendships that have been put on the back burner and be open to meeting new friends as well. This will help you get out and socialize which will allow you to meet more people and possibly a fun guy later on.
  4. Familiarize yourself with dating sites, apps or the new single’s hangouts in your city. Get to know what to expect since you have been out of the market for the last 8 years. Things are much different in your 30’s than they were in your 20’s.
  5. Say yes to invitations! Don’t find excuses or sabotage things because you are scared of someone taking you away from you career. You can have both but you have to compromise to do so.

Here are a Few Things you Can do to Maintain a Healthy Balance in Your Life:

  • Choose a partner that appreciates your ambitions. He should be happy that you have a life which allows him to have one too. (Most men do not want a clingy woman who lives solely for her man. They do not like to feel smothered.)
  • He should be somewhat career oriented as well or he may resent your accomplishments down the road. Men still like to bring home the buffalo, so to speak!
  • Be careful how aggressively independent you are. Some women put up big walls that they don’t need a man! (It’s OK to put on the tool belt once in awhile ladies but you still have to let your guy share some of those tools.) It is important to show a man you want him in your life which is better than needing a man anyway.
  • When you are in a relationship it is important to respect each other’s individuality but also be totally invested in your part of “who you are as a couple.” One sided relationships do not work!
  • Helping each other with work scenarios, believing in each others goals, & supporting each others dreams are relationship builders.
  • Never be too busy to take their call, answer their questions or make them feel like you can do it all without them. We all like to feel wanted & appreciated.

When you are in a relationship as a busy career couple; I suggest hiring someone to help out at home so you neither of you are tied to household duties, as well as your work commitments. You did not mention whether you wanted to have children, but if you do decide to start a family down the road, schedule time for regular date nights where the two of you can have some quality alone time. Ask for help occasionally from your family, that way the kids get to see their relatives and not just a babysitter. Hire a teenager in the neighborhood to mow your lawn, get your groceries or other errands. It is worth the few dollars in the long run and gives you more time for your relationship.

(Be realistic when deciding about having a family as some careers don’t allow much time for a personal life or for raising children; which should always take priority over work.)

Being an attractive & intelligent woman you will always have plenty of opportunities to meet someone, but you must show that you are receptive to it. Let down your guard & the “I’m too busy with my career” wall.  Be honest with yourself if choosing a career over having a family is your preference, but don’t make the mistake of not making time for love in your life! Relationships are wonderful and happen when your heart is available. When you aren’t desperately looking for love, it finds you!  Keep you eyes, mind and heart open but don’t give up your aspirations or passions just because you think you can’t have both. Believe you can and make the changes to allow it

Love happens at all ages and sometimes fate brings it around at the perfect time.

Good Luck and stay true to yourself.

Sybersue xo

Believe! Using The Law Of Attraction to Find Love & Better Your Relationships

I am sure by now you have heard this term a few times and may even be getting fed up with how much exposure it is receiving and what does it mean anyway?

In simpler terms: law of attraction means: like attracts like.

Behavior breeds behavior, so when you appear optimistic you will attract others of the same towards you or if you are pessimistic you will keep bringing negative people into your circle. The Law of Attraction helps you learn how to receive & believe you can change your life to attract what you want.  It doesn’t just have to be a dream!

For example: If you are really unhappy in your current job  it may be time to seriously consider leaving it. Your quality of life is more important than staying somewhere that you have outgrown and you are only there because it is easy and safe. Pursuing your life passion should become your focus so that you don’t waste anymore time doing something that is making you very unhappy.  Think about it; If you are constantly putting yourself in a negative environment, how can you possibly be sending out good thoughts?  You just get more of the same repetitive negativity coming back on a daily basis. Putting yourself in a happy place demolishes the demons that keep harboring your regular thoughts.  Just try to be miserable when you are happy!

Don’t look at it as a dream; actually visualize your new path. It is easier to achieve something when you can see it clearly.

Most people are fearful of change especially in their later years. Fear is the biggest obstacle in the average person’s achievements.  Inviting change keeps a person young and removes complacency.

Many individuals do not know how to be alone. They are not comfortable in their own skin. They go from one relationship to the next without any time between the two. In fact many people already have a new relationship lined up before they end the first one. How can you possibly find a new partner when you are still emotionally connected with someone else? Of course it is scary with the thought of being alone again but it is still better to take your time after a breakup than to pull someone into your broken heart.

Pursuing your passion is always the right path. Listen to your intuition, it is never wrong.

If you keep attracting the wrong people into your life, it is happening because of the images you are seeing in your mind. Ask yourself honestly what type of relationship you truly want. Are you looking for love or friendship? How well do you communicate? What does your body language say to others? What do you think of yourself?

By changing your thoughts you can change your life.

Contrary to what many people think attraction may mean, it is not necessarily always a good thing.  Being “attracted or having something or someone attracted to you” can be also be a negative if not used correctly. It is what your thoughts project that comes back into your life.  The energy or vibration that you put out is exactly what the Universe gives back. If you keep meeting abusive people, you are sending out something that is allowing this pattern to happen.  Do not ignore these signs as it may be time to talk to a therapist about this reoccurring scenario. On the other side of the coin, learning how to use this “attraction technique” to bring loving people into your life is what this discussion is all about! The more you practice it, more of the same great things will appear on your path.

Don’t believe me? Look back at your relationships over the years; is there a pattern?  When you say negative comments like:”I never meet anyone”, or “everyone is taken”, “who would want me”, that is what you are projecting! Try saying;  I am going to meet a wonderful partner and believe I deserve a great relationshipThat is what you will achieve if you say it with conviction. Letting those negative thoughts creep in continually will slow the process down immensely.

Send out powerful thoughts on what you really want to receive. Try it for a month and be aware of the positive changes that occur in your life.  (I met my husband using this method!)  There are many articles on this subject and some have been over publicized, but there are some great messages that should not be ignored.

Make a list of what you want and what you are grateful for in your life. Read it back on a regular basis and say it out loud.

People that believe they can have it all are successful because they believed. For all of you non believers, it might be time to open yourself up to trying a new approach to life.  It can’t hurt and who knows, you may actually become a better person and enjoy your own company which will project onto others.  New doors will open and life will only get better.

Susan McCord  http://www.sybersue.com  &   http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

Relationship Advice: Opposites Attract but Can They Stay Together?

Dear Sybersue is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages! Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord & Her Guest Co-hosts Make you Think! There is something for everyone on this blog regardless of whether you are single, dating, in a new relationship or have been married for 25 years!

Today’s discussion “Opposites Attract but Can They Stay Together?” is a question Sybersue deals with often on her advice column.  Many of the questions are related to compatibility issues within relationships. A great number of people overlook things when they first start out with someone new and disregard small red flags that ultimately become big problems in their partnership. Understanding what is important and respecting each other’s time will help the love to continue to blossom long term.  When one person becomes selfish making it all about their needs and time schedule it is no longer a reciprocated relationship and disconnection comes into play. This is why so many couples grow apart over the years.

Having some different hobbies or life passions is a good thing but when it is continually one sided in a relationship, resentment will often be felt by the person left behind. Commonalities are a good thing and important to have in a healthy commitment. It should never be only about one person making all the compromises or decisions.

Watch the video above to see what Sybersue has to say about it.

http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow
http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

Dating Advice ~ Are You Tired of Being Single?

Dear Sybersue is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages!  Host Susan McCord discusses why you may still be single and how to change that!  Dating patterns need to be altered so that you can find a loving partnership.  Understanding how you play a part with your actions is the first step to getting there.

Many people are hurt, fed up or angry that they are not in a relationship but are also in denial as to why this is a constant in their lives. I truly feel that this is why dating has become a difficult place these days.  If we all just point fingers at each other blaming our past situations on what the future will continue to be like, we are going to be very lonely for a long time.

If something isn’t working why don’t you try everything to fix it if it is important to you?

YouTube and other social media has become a complaint center for many people regarding relationship or dating issues.  It is a place that they can openly state their view point anonymously which many choose to do.  Venting their frustration is one thing but not trying to find a solution is another thing.  Learning from our mistakes in life help us grow into better people but holding onto them and not improving who we are, is just prolonging the same old thing over and over again.

None of us are perfect and we all make some bad choices but those who move away from this repetitive negative cycle will find happiness faster.  Stop blaming others for how things turn out as it is “you” that ultimately makes the decisions in your life not them. ❤

Susan McCord ~ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dating & Relationships ~ Are Threesomes Still Popular?

Leave It Two Beavers is a Funny & Informative Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages!

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord & Her Guest Co-host Andrea Wesley talk about threesomes in this segment.  Are they still happening and are both men & women into this type of sex in their relationships?  Is it a good thing or something that should be avoided in a committed partnership?

What would you do if your partner asked you to participate in a three way sex night…

Susan McCord @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

Dear Sybersue – Why am I so Afraid to Date & Be in a Relationship?

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord (Dear Sybersue) answers a question on her advice column from a woman who is afraid to date.  She has anxiety over being in a committed relationship.  She wants to know why she keeps sabotaging things!

I am pretty sure we have all been here at some point in our lives due to insecurities we have had along the way of trying to find love. Many men and women do not realize that fear is the biggest culprit of relationships not working out.  Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy and create more hardship that need be.  Learning how to relax without huge expectations of ourselves and others, puts us on the road to finding a happy partnership and balance in our world.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers