dating blog

Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?
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Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

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I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life.  Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.

Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other!

Not too long ago a friend of mine was publicly reprimanded by a male radio host for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way.

Why do we do this to each other and why are some men and women so damn angry?

People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people!

Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become negatively embedded into your mind.

The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is because both men and women lack ideas or creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date.  It also has a lot to do with self-esteem and fear of rejection as well.

The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario.

Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)

Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available at night clubs.

Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it also gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive hangout for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely and the pattern continues.

Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:

  • If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to what their profile says & notice any red flags with their pictures. Photos really are worth a thousand words on most online dating sites and many people choose to ignore these obvious signs!
  • Don’t get caught up and blinded by a person’s status! These are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type. These people usually frequent the same establishments and word travels fast. Do you really want to be known as a groupie? (You may not even be aware that you have this reputation.)
  • Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. They are usually pretty easy to spot so keep your eyes open and observe. Body language is also a dead giveaway.
  • Don’t allow yourself to be the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
  • People who only date the perfect & beautiful types.  Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.

External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.

Finding true love should not be abusive or emotionally painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.

If you classify yourself as a certain “type” or that you only like a certain type of person, you will be forever stuck in repetitive scenarios.  Fear can be a powerful relationship suppressor, so be cognizant of forming any patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of what may or may not happen.

Challenge those internal demons as to why you don’t feel worthy of having love in your life.

If you don’t have the strength to get out of  reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.)

Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance.  Everyone deserves love!

Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:

  1. Golf driving range or at an Executive Par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there. (Unless of course you are a great player!)
  2. Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
  3. The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
  4. Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
  5. Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
  6. Sporting venue (hockey game, baseball game, soccer match, golf spectator etc.)
  7. Any mingle social event or lounge  (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
  8. Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
  9. Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women attending who have similar interests as you. That way you already have something in common.
  10. Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.

The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship.

Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up!

You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It’s totally your decision and no one else.

We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.

Be open & ready to receive a loving partnership into your life. ❤

Susan McCord @ Please Check Out My YouTube Channel for Videos on similar topics!    The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

50 Sex & Intimacy Tips For Men & Women
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50 Sex & Intimacy Tips For Men & Women

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Regardless of whether you are in a relationship or just dating at the moment, these tips are something to implement into your sex-life.

Many of us forget about the little things that we loved about each other when we first met & we become complacent within our relationships. This is not something to be taken lightly and nurturing the love between you & your partner should be a top priority on a daily basis.

Taking each other for granted is one of the top reasons for the divorce statistics today.

You chose each other for a reason ~ don’t forget why. Keep things fresh & alive by continually adding new special memories within your relationship. You wouldn’t stop loving & nurturing your children, so put in the same energy with loving your partner.

Women love romance and if a man knows how to be romantic, he will be able to sensuously lure his lady into the bedroom without persistence. Men love regular sex so this is a win/win situation!

50 Sex Tips & Intimate Suggestions to Keep Your Relationship Strong:

1. Both sexes need to keep sex fresh and alive! Don’t be predictable!

2. Men like women who are willing to explore new things between the sheets & who initiate sex as well.

3. Women like massage/candles/soft words and a man who caresses them. (They do not like to be to be groped or men who are constantly aggressive!)

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4. Men love lingerie and a woman who enjoys wearing it. (They also like sexual surprises when out for the evening. Many men find it very sexy when he knows what his lady is wearing or “not” wearing under her outfit.

5. Booze-less sex is better than a drunken session. The senses are more alive when sober! (And you actually remember you had sex!)

6. Daytime sex is the best scenario for both genders. Sex after 9pm becomes a quick expected routine & not always as arousing because everyone is tired from their busy day.

7. A little naughty talk in the bedroom is alluring for both sexes!

8. Send phone sex messages during the work day. (If you call them at the office ensure the speaker phone is off!)

9. Always listen to what your partner says they like during sex.

10. Don’t ignore men’s nipples.

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11. Pick up on their desires in & out of the bedroom & use it to your advantage.

12. The smallest romantic gestures will increase your odds of better sex or at least getting it once in a while. Head nods towards the bedroom are not considered foreplay.

13. Try new positions. Don’t become a “vanilla sex” creature of habit in the bedroom.

14. Wear cologne or body cream lightly & do not forget the deodorant! You may not think you need it but trust me most people do!

15. Learn how to read each other’s emotions & feelings so you know when they are in the mood for love or at least how you can help get them in the mood.

16. Be aware of their body language. Know when something is not right

17. Light Candles. Hold hands when you are sitting beside from them on the coach and talk with them about things they are interested in. Show them you really care about their life.

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18. Ladies; after your man gets home from work, bring him a drink or the remote control for half an hour. He needs time to unwind quietly for a bit and is ready not a deep conversation. Or sit together and chat lightly about other things that aren’t stressful.

19. Men: after your orgasm sex is NOT over!

20. Scream out during sex once in awhile let the neighbors know you are not that boring couple after all.

21. Sex is not just penetration!

22. Don’t ask someone if they would like to have sex! Be creative and lure them into the bedroom.

23. Shave! That goes for both sexes; do a little landscaping.

24. Sexting is great foreplay!

25. Complement your partner & make them feel good about themselves which gives them confidence that you find them attractive. Body image is very important, especially for women.

26. Don’t wear flannel pajamas, curlers or eye shades to bed or around the house for the matter.

27. Shave her legs or paint her toenails once in awhile ~ wax his unibrow or give him a foot massage.

28. Wash his/her hair or other pampering things Mom used to do.

29. Dress sexy for them, even at home.

30. Dental hygiene; floss, whiten and keep your breath fresh! Yellow teeth are a huge turn off and get worse with age, be preventative before it happens.

31. Get rid of granny panties & tighty whities!

32. Tell each other what you like & want in bed. Guide each other with your hands. Don’t just lie there like a starfish.

33. Men love women who actually enjoy giving oral sex and don’t just do it on their Birthday because it is expected. The same goes with oral sex for women. It makes us more comfortable & relaxed when our man enjoys it. (Don’t forget to eat a little pineapple!)

34. Think ahead romantically for special occasions.

35. Sexual confidence is a turn on for both sexes!

36. Take your time during sex; don’t be in a rush for the finish line or happy ending!

37. Find their erogenous zones and work them, especially if you want them to get in the mood before your bedroom liaison.

38. Don’t assume that one orgasm is all they are good for. (That goes for men too, ladies.)

39. Have sex outside the bedroom.

40. Make-out on the couch, elevator or in the car like a teenager if you have been together for a while.

41. Tell them often that you love them & want them. Don’t assume they know.

42. Be respectful of each other’s time. Late for a date probably means you won’t get laid that night!

43. Valentine’s Day is a reminder of “romance for dummies” so make other days special for no reason other than you care about them.

44. Don’t be afraid to be a mush-ball occasionally. Let down your conservative guard and really show your soft emotional side. It makes the other person feel special when you show a little vulnerability.

45. Have a naughty “pet name” for them in the privacy of your bedroom.

46. Read or watch something sexy together to spice things up if you feel like your sex life is becoming repetitive.

47. Take turns planning weekly date nights. Be creative! It also keeps you focused on your partner during the time you are prepping for the big night.

48. Never be too busy for your partner! Take their calls, text them throughout the day, make their favorite meal, bring home little gifts once in awhile and always remember dates on the calendar that are important to them.

49. Kiss them deeply every day, hug them constantly and always get up to greet each other when they come home. Constantly connecting with your partner through “touch” will always keep you close as a couple.

50. Take sexy vacations or mini holidays to refresh your sexual desires for one another. Getting away from the daily routine at home puts you into a different space where you can relax. Make sure there is a double bathtub or hot tub in the hotel where you can share a glass of wine & candlelight together.

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Love is like a full time job and the relationships that last for many years are the ones that were nurtured and prioritized above all other life expectations.

The grass is seldom greener on the other side so don’t walk away from a salvageable situation because you didn’t make every effort possible to be a loving partner. Never forget how to love them or why you fell for them in the beginning. Cherish every moment together and never become complacent.

It really only takes a few minutes a day to remind your partner why you love them…<3

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

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Dear Sybersue ~ Why Do I Always Meet Manipulative Girls Who Treat Me Like Sh#t?

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Dear Sybersue,

I always seem to meet lying and manipulative girls who treat me like shit even though I’m a great guy.

Why is that?

I  recently gave the same girl 3 different chances to stop treating me like crap, yet she was soon back to her old ways. This has happened numerous times with other women I have dated. I don’t understand girls, why are they all like this?

Thanks for your feedback!

MN

Dear MN,

Not all women are like this, just the ones you are dating at the moment. I would be curious to see what these girls look like. You may be prioritizing the physical attraction & ignoring the red flags of their true character on the first few dates. When we are sexually drawn to someone we tend to let a lot of things slide in the beginning & overlook obvious warning signs.

Giving someone 3 chances “to be a good person” is too many.  They should be wonderful right from the start & treat you well or you need to walk away.

You are sending off some signal for these type of women to notice you & you may want to analyze that to some degree. I’m not sure how old you are but we do tend to deal with this scenario a lot more in our early twenties than any other time in our life. This is the experimental stage of life &  there can be lots of emotional scaring while we are learning about ourselves and what we truly want in our lives.

Attracting & choosing this type of woman can also stem from an abandonment issue, an unloving childhood situation or bad role models. (Or in many cases, no role models and little guidance in your youth.)

Talk to someone non-judgmental that you can really trust & confide in and maybe they can help you see a pattern that you have created. It is difficult to see these traits in ourselves but the sooner we know why we are repeatedly dating the wrong people is the day we can find real love and a happy relationship.

Having boundaries, believing you are worthy of love and always respecting yourself first, will eventually stop these girls from coming towards you.

Thanks for writing MN,

Sybersue @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

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A Dating Discussion on Ghosting!

In the video above, my guest Co-host Andrea Wesley & I talk about another big dating problem; “Ghosting!”  Why has this become such an issue in the online dating world?

For those people still learning what this new millennial phrase actually means; it is basically being a “no show” or “standing someone up” on a date!  OK, so in my day back in the dinosaur dating era it did happen once in awhile, but not anywhere near to the extent that it is happening now!

What does this do to a person’s self esteem when having to constantly deal with being blown off without even a text as to why? I can see why so many men and women are fed up with dating today! There is lack of commitment and lack of sincerity and let’s not even talk about major trust issues building up in everyone.

Why is basic everyday etiquette becoming a rare occurrence? How are we going to change this before dating becomes obsolete?

What do you think we should do to prevent this from continuing?

Susan McCord @ http://www.facebook.com/dearsybersue
Andrea Wesley @ http://www.thebolde.com/author/AndreaWesley

 

Dear Sybersue: Women are Weird! Do They Even Know What They Want?
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Dear Sybersue: Women are Weird! Do They Even Know What They Want?

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Dear Sybersue;  Women are Weird! Do They Even Know What They Want?

I need to address something that really frustrates me.  I’m a 35 year old male and I have still not figured anything out yet when it comes to meeting the right woman!  Women are just strange creatures indeed; regardless of their age!

Younger women are on a long learning curve about life and I don’t want to spend my life teaching them everything. (They also have this sense of entitlement that drives me crazy! Where did they get these unrealistic expectations anyway?) Many women my own age seem to be on a ticking biological clock and are looking for a man to make babies with. Some of them don’t even care if there is a connection as long as there is a sperm donor. Sorry to be so crass but I’m not making this up!

Older women seem to have more regrets about what they did or didn’t do when they were younger and seem a little edgy or angry for the most part!  I’ve never dated an older woman (but I have spoken to many of them) so forgive me if my comment might offend you. I know I am generalizing with all of this but my guy friends agree with me for the most part.  All I know is that when it comes to a woman’s needs I bend over backwards until I break.  Some women say I try too hard and some say I don’t try hard enough. This is why they all seem so wierd to me! I can’t please any of them, any of the time. If I am too nice I am considered boring or pussy whipped and if I am more evasive and not so eager, I am an as$hole.

What do they really want?  If you ask me I think they are the ones who are confused & don’t know what they want or what is important to them! Talk about mixed signals! I know not all men are a great catch either but right now I am just trying to figure out my part in all this. It just seems everyone has become so shallow and quick to judge each other. I just want to be in a normal loving partnership that is reciprocated and healthy.

Is there such a thing or I am delusional hoping there could be?

Thanks, Tony 

Dear Tony,

I am not offended at all & I agree with much of your frustration for the most part. You are at the age where you are ready to make some major life decisions and it isn’t easy these days!  Men and women have changed and confusion has set in as to what both sexes want anymore! So many people seem to have a guarded attitude which just repels a potential date in the opposite direction. We all need to change our judgmental perceptive on each other to even have the slightest chance at finding love in our lives.

You asked what you can do to change your part in what isn’t working in your love life and there are a few things you can do to change your own attitude. You are in danger of becoming stuck in a negative and jaded place and you are probably in a dating pattern that you aren’t even aware of.  You may be attracted to a certain type of woman that doesn’t work for you. Many guys do not even realize that they keep going for the same shallowness because they are only choosing high maintenance women. They make her looks the priority without checking out the whole person. We are all visual creatures but we have be able to look beyond our pulsing loins to meet a quality partner.

Make a list & write down all the important things you really want in a woman & don’t stop reading it until you meet her.  Sometimes we don’t find what we really want because we are confused as to what that is. We spend a lot of time saying “we know what we don’t want” but seldom say out loud “we know what we want and what is important” to us.

You shouldn’t have to bend over backwards for anyone in a relationship as it should be a reciprocated partnership where you both do things for each other. There “is” such a thing as being too nice or too doting on someone which can be a turn off for some women. No one wants someone they can push around in the long run ~ they will end up losing respect for that person because they have too much control & not enough excitement or mystery.  Being predictable can become boring over the years together and it is healthy & fun to keep them guessing just a little.  I don’t mean continually playing games but just to change things up a bit so that it is refreshing when you see each other.

10 Things You Can Do to Change Up Your Dating Scenario:

  • In the first stages of meeting someone new, do not put out “all of you” right away.
  • Get to know them slowly & watch how they treat you & others around them.
  • Change up the type of women you date. Look outside your usual sandbox!
  • If there a sense of entitlement & expectations on their part, remove yourself early on.  Women who are takers are generally pretty obvious right from the start.
  • Be pleasant & respectful with the women you are dating but don’t try too hard! When it is right it has a natural feel to it.
  • Stop going to the same places to meet someone. Change up your surroundings.
  • Work on your attitude and don’t paint all women the same way by saying they are all weird. You are attracting them towards you for a reason so alter your thinking to attract the right one towards you.
  • The most important point in all of this is to know what “you” want, put it out there & believe she will show up in your life.

There is someone for everyone we just need to trust (& not ignore) our instincts, to allow the right one to come in.

Thanks for writing Tony, wishing you much love & happiness  always. 

 xo Sybersue ❤

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew Post (by Andrea Wesley The Bolde.com)
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How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew Post (by Andrea Wesley The Bolde.com)

Photo Credit: WeHeartIt TheBolde.com

Photo Credit:
WeHeartIt at TheBolde.com

This guest post is written by Andrea Wesley from The Bolde! She is one of my talk show co-hosts who has been in my life for over 5 years now. Although Andrea and I are from two different generations we have spent many afternoons discussing dating and relationship topics to no end! Regardless of what birthday you are approaching there is always something to talk about when it comes to love or lack of it! Some of us take longer roads to get there but there is always something to learn and appreciate along the way. Andrea and I both write blogs because of it so that is a bonus to the relationship drama we have both endured over the years.

This post says it all and gives great insight on how to deal with being single when all your friends are in relationships! It is a great read. ❤ Love you Miss Andrea! ❤

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew Post by Andrea Wesley

The older we get, the more the people around us are settling down and starting lives and families of their own. When you’re the last single girl standing among your group of friends, it can start to feel like you have less and less in common. There was a good chunk of my past few single years where I felt extremely bitter and resentful, or that I was that flawed and tragic friend who never had a date to the party and couldn’t relate to those conversations pertaining to the ups and downs people were experiencing in their loving relationships. As it turns out, being the last one standing without a partner isn’t a bad thing at all, but there’s a particular survival method to get to that place of being completely content with being the last single girl in your crew.

1. Live vicariously through your friends and learn from them. You’d be amazed what you can learn from your friends and what they go through in their relationships. They’ll tell you all the good things you have to look forward to, and also the realities of the struggles of being in a partnership. When you’ve been single for a while, you might start to forget about the compromises that come with being part of a duo. Being the outsider looking in gives you a new perspective on relationships and helps you to recreate the image of what you want for yourself one day, when the lucky guy finally arrives to your single girl party.

Please Click this Link to See More of This Post by Andrea —–>: http://www.thebolde.com/survive-last-single-girl-crew/#sthash.poUSfbTP.dpuf

About The Author

ANDREA WESLEY

Andrea is a 30 year old freelance writer living in the suburbs of Vancouver, Canada. By day, she’s a kale eating, gym going office professional and by night she’s a wine drinking, Netflix loving pizza eater. She also writes a personal blog about her humorous dating adventures and even though she hasn’t found “the one” yet, she keeps entertained by her friends, family and crazy ginger tabby, Jagger.

Susan McCord AKA Dear Sybersue  and also Check Out  Susan’s Talk Show 

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Susan McCord is the Special Guest on The Love Channel Radio Show with host Pamela Cummins, Today at 3 pm ET