Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

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I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life.  Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.

Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other!

Not too long ago a friend of mine was publicly reprimanded by a male radio host for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way.

Why do we do this to each other and why are some men and women so damn angry?

People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people!

Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become negatively embedded into your mind.

The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is because both men and women lack ideas or creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date.  It also has a lot to do with self-esteem and fear of rejection as well.

The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario.

Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)

Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available at night clubs.

Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it also gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive hangout for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely and the pattern continues.

Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:

  • If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to what their profile says & notice any red flags with their pictures. Photos really are worth a thousand words on most online dating sites and many people choose to ignore these obvious signs!
  • Don’t get caught up and blinded by a person’s status! These are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type. These people usually frequent the same establishments and word travels fast. Do you really want to be known as a groupie? (You may not even be aware that you have this reputation.)
  • Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. They are usually pretty easy to spot so keep your eyes open and observe. Body language is also a dead giveaway.
  • Don’t allow yourself to be the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
  • People who only date the perfect & beautiful types.  Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.

External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.

Finding true love should not be abusive or emotionally painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.

If you classify yourself as a certain “type” or that you only like a certain type of person, you will be forever stuck in repetitive scenarios.  Fear can be a powerful relationship suppressor, so be cognizant of forming any patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of what may or may not happen.

Challenge those internal demons as to why you don’t feel worthy of having love in your life.

If you don’t have the strength to get out of  reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.)

Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance.  Everyone deserves love!

Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:

  1. Golf driving range or at an Executive Par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there. (Unless of course you are a great player!)
  2. Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
  3. The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
  4. Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
  5. Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
  6. Sporting venue (hockey game, baseball game, soccer match, golf spectator etc.)
  7. Any mingle social event or lounge  (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
  8. Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
  9. Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women attending who have similar interests as you. That way you already have something in common.
  10. Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.

The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship.

Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up!

You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It’s totally your decision and no one else.

We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.

Be open & ready to receive a loving partnership into your life. ❤

Susan McCord @ Please Check Out My YouTube Channel for Videos on similar topics!    The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

Single? Ladies Don’t be Sad on Valentine’s Day

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Dear Sybersue,

Oh God, it’s that dreadful time of year again where I feel even lonelier than every other day of the year being single. February 14th and all the romantic hype is a reminder of how alone I really am!  It is a very depressing day for me.

I am a 28 year old fairly attractive outgoing woman living in Toronto and in desperate need of some advice on how to get through the “wrath of cupid” every year on this day!

Help!

Single Samantha

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤  ❤

Dear Samantha,

I have this conversation with women all the time and I am sure single guys probably feel the void as well but just don’t vocalize it.

The one thing I always did when I was single on Valentines’ Day was to go out & socialize! “Screw Cupid, he can shove the arrow right up his a#s!” I usually went to a lounge or Pub that had less of a romantic setting with pool tables, dart boards & other manly attractions.

It was interesting to see how many other people showed up as well! You are pretty much guaranteed that everyone who is not with a partner in the room on Valentine’s Day…is single! That can be a great time to meet someone!

Going out for a coffee or a movie with a girlfriend is also a great way to not give into the BS of February 14th only being a date night! Don’t be afraid to be seen without a man on your arm. Go out and show your confidence on this annoying relationship celebration! You are proud to be single and not settling with someone just to be in a couple’s scenario. You are waiting for real love! ❤  

Hibernating and feeling sad at home means you are giving into this holiday stereotype and letting Hallmark & other marketing scams work their financial rewards. Be a rebel and stand tall!

You are a fantastic person whether you are single or not. Do not ever let a relationship define who you are!

Being single has many benefits that a lot of married people will occasionally yearn for!

Here are 12 things to think about that will help you deal with Feb 14th

  1. You can do whatever you want whenever you want & be spontaneous!
  2. Girl’s night out can happen often and without having to plan it 2-3 weeks in advance or without having to get permission from a partner.
  3. It doesn’t matter what goes on in Vegas ~ you can be as bad as you want!
  4. You can order “take out” every night and never use your oven!
  5. You don’t have to shave your legs or get a Brazilian & you can wear your comfortable “big girl panties” without being judged!
  6. You can watch, The Bachelor, The Young & Restless, The Breakup or any chick flick you want! You are in charge of the remote!
  7. You don’t have to watch Dick Flicks!
  8. You can put a 6 pack of beer in the fridge on Friday and there will be 4 bottles left on Monday!
  9. You have complete control of the house temperature & the bed covers!
  10. Your toilet seat will always remain in the downward position.
  11. Your newspaper/magazines will never end up in the bathroom & remain on the coffee table completely intact.
  12. The only snoring or farting you hear will be your own. 🙂

 Now get off the couch Samantha, be proud you are single & go out for a fun Valentine’s Day!

❤ Hugs & hearts, Sybersue ❤

50 Sex & Intimacy Tips For Men & Women

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Regardless of whether you are in a relationship or just dating at the moment, these tips are something to implement into your sex-life.

Many of us forget about the little things that we loved about each other when we first met & we become complacent within our relationships. This is not something to be taken lightly and nurturing the love between you & your partner should be a top priority on a daily basis.

Taking each other for granted is one of the top reasons for the divorce statistics today.

You chose each other for a reason ~ don’t forget why. Keep things fresh & alive by continually adding new special memories within your relationship. You wouldn’t stop loving & nurturing your children, so put in the same energy with loving your partner.

Women love romance and if a man knows how to be romantic, he will be able to sensuously lure his lady into the bedroom without persistence. Men love regular sex so this is a win/win situation!

50 Sex Tips & Intimate Suggestions to Keep Your Relationship Strong:

1. Both sexes need to keep sex fresh and alive! Don’t be predictable!

2. Men like women who are willing to explore new things between the sheets & who initiate sex as well.

3. Women like massage/candles/soft words and a man who caresses them. (They do not like to be to be groped or men who are constantly aggressive!)

4. Men love lingerie and a woman who enjoys wearing it. (They also like sexual surprises when out for the evening. Many men find it very sexy when he knows what his lady is wearing or “not” wearing under her outfit.

5. Booze-less sex is better than a drunken session. The senses are more alive when sober! (And you actually remember you had sex!)

6. Daytime sex is the best scenario for both genders. Sex after 9pm becomes a quick expected routine & not always as arousing because everyone is tired from their busy day.

7. A little naughty talk in the bedroom is alluring for both sexes!

8. Send phone sex messages during the work day. (If you call them at the office ensure the speaker phone is off!)

9. Always listen to what your partner says they like during sex.

10. Don’t ignore men’s nipples.

11. Pick up on their desires in & out of the bedroom & use it to your advantage.

12. The smallest romantic gestures will increase your odds of better sex or at least getting it once in a while. Head nods towards the bedroom are not considered foreplay.

13. Try new positions. Don’t become a “vanilla sex” creature of habit in the bedroom.

14. Wear cologne or body cream lightly & do not forget the deodorant! You may not think you need it but trust me most people do!

15. Learn how to read each other’s emotions & feelings so you know when they are in the mood for love or at least how you can help get them in the mood.

16. Be aware of their body language. Know when something is not right

17. Light Candles. Hold hands when you are sitting beside from them on the coach and talk with them about things they are interested in. Show them you really care about their life.

18. Ladies; after your man gets home from work, bring him a drink or the remote control for half an hour. He needs time to unwind quietly for a bit and is ready not a deep conversation. Or sit together and chat lightly about other things that aren’t stressful.

19. Men: after your orgasm sex is NOT over!

20. Scream out during sex once in awhile let the neighbors know you are not that boring couple after all.

21. Sex is not just penetration!

22. Don’t ask someone if they would like to have sex! Be creative and lure them into the bedroom.

23. Shave! That goes for both sexes; do a little landscaping.

24. Sexting is great foreplay!

25. Complement your partner & make them feel good about themselves which gives them confidence that you find them attractive. Body image is very important, especially for women.

26. Don’t wear flannel pajamas, curlers or eye shades to bed or around the house for the matter.

27. Shave her legs or paint her toenails once in awhile ~ wax his unibrow or give him a foot massage.

28. Wash his/her hair or other pampering things Mom used to do.

29. Dress sexy for them, even at home.

30. Dental hygiene; floss, whiten and keep your breath fresh! Yellow teeth are a huge turn off and get worse with age, be preventative before it happens.

31. Get rid of granny panties & tighty whities!

32. Tell each other what you like & want in bed. Guide each other with your hands. Don’t just lie there like a starfish.

33. Men love women who actually enjoy giving oral sex and don’t just do it on their Birthday because it is expected. The same goes with oral sex for women. It makes us more comfortable & relaxed when our man enjoys it. (Don’t forget to eat a little pineapple!)

34. Think ahead romantically for special occasions.

35. Sexual confidence is a turn on for both sexes!

36. Take your time during sex; don’t be in a rush for the finish line or happy ending!

37. Find their erogenous zones and work them, especially if you want them to get in the mood before your bedroom liaison.

38. Don’t assume that one orgasm is all they are good for. (That goes for men too, ladies.)

39. Have sex outside the bedroom.

40. Make-out on the couch, elevator or in the car like a teenager if you have been together for a while.

41. Tell them often that you love them & want them. Don’t assume they know.

42. Be respectful of each other’s time. Late for a date probably means you won’t get laid that night!

43. Valentine’s Day is a reminder of “romance for dummies” so make other days special for no reason other than you care about them.

44. Don’t be afraid to be a mush-ball occasionally. Let down your conservative guard and really show your soft emotional side. It makes the other person feel special when you show a little vulnerability.

45. Have a naughty “pet name” for them in the privacy of your bedroom.

46. Read or watch something sexy together to spice things up if you feel like your sex life is becoming repetitive.

47. Take turns planning weekly date nights. Be creative! It also keeps you focused on your partner during the time you are prepping for the big night.

48. Never be too busy for your partner! Take their calls, text them throughout the day, make their favorite meal, bring home little gifts once in awhile and always remember dates on the calendar that are important to them.

49. Kiss them deeply every day, hug them constantly and always get up to greet each other when they come home. Constantly connecting with your partner through “touch” will always keep you close as a couple.

50. Take sexy vacations or mini holidays to refresh your sexual desires for one another. Getting away from the daily routine at home puts you into a different space where you can relax. Make sure there is a double bathtub or hot tub in the hotel where you can share a glass of wine & candlelight together.

Love is like a full time job and the relationships that last for many years are the ones that were nurtured and prioritized above all other life expectations.

The grass is seldom greener on the other side so don’t walk away from a salvageable situation because you didn’t make every effort possible to be a loving partner. Never forget how to love them or why you fell for them in the beginning. Cherish every moment together and never become complacent.

It really only takes a few minutes a day to remind your partner why you love them…<3

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

Funny Skit: Guiding Hands for Addicted Texters

Trust Conan O’Brien to post this video! A perfect depiction of today’s world of chronic texting and smart phone addictions! I must admit I can be guilty of texting while walking; but at least I pull over to the side so I don’t run into anyone, fall off a curb or make numerous cars come to a screeching halt!

It is amazing how many people really don’t look up anymore. How are you supposed to keep human connection alive if you have your head down 24/7? If you are single and don’t know why you’re not meeting anyone, I would bet money that this is probably the reason why!

This video is funny but at the same time it is sadly true how dependent most people are when it comes to their phones. In fact, “iphone contact” has replaced traditional “eye contact” and is more the reality today. Don’t be the last person to figure out that talking to a real person face to face, outweighs any superficial connections you will ever have with your phone.

Now get out there & go hug somebody! (I don’t mean by using an emoji symbol!)

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

 

GRIEF; Everyone Should Read This Post About Losing a Child!

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RIP Beautiful Natalie ~ You will Forever be in our Hearts.

Two years ago on March 21st 2014 my best friend lost her beautiful 27 year old daughter Natalie to Heaven.  This is the most destroying news any parent could ever receive and the biggest fear we all have while raising our children! Keeping them safe is the biggest priority of our lives and can be very difficult especially in the teen years when kids think they know everything about life. Didn’t we all?

Everyone who loses a child will always wonder if they could have done more, regardless of how much they loved their child and were there for them. We the parents are their protectors, their guides and we are supposed to go before them!  Life can really be  so unfair but why do some people have to carry such a devastating burden as this for the rest of their lives?!

That is the biggest question; “Why?” Followed by “what if I had done this” or “what if we didn’t do that?” There is so much guilt that happens in these very sad scenarios.

Sharon my dear friend I can tell you from the bottom of my heart you are the most incredibly amazing mother who always put both your beautiful girls first everyday of your life!! They were your every thought, every waking moment!

I wish I could take away your pain and make everything OK for you, Alex, Jaime & Grandparents. You are an incredible family full of love and support for each other. I am so thankful you have that.

People who are grieving for their children need your love and not just during the early stages of this heartbreaking situation. This extends to the immediate family as well. It affects everyone who loved them! The family are still in shock during the funeral & memorial arrangements and slowly move along in a robotic trance just trying to make it through.

Being there for them at this time is definitely helpful to them but your job as a friend or family member doesn’t end there.

They need you after even more & removing yourself from seeing them because you don’t know what to say or because it makes you uncomfortable is selfish and uncaring. They need to be able to talk about it, know that you care and their child is not forgotten.

Do you think they want to be sad 24 hours a day and thinking non-stop about the loss of their loved one? They do not choose to be here and no one is ever prepared when they lose a child or a sibling. It’s not the way life is supposed to go.

They are not playing the victim, they are grieving!

Gentle conversations, holding them when they cry, understanding that their pain will never really subside and just listening to what they have to say is very important! They need you regardless of when they say they are doing alright ~ how could anyone be alright when a huge part of  their heart has broken off into a million pieces and can never be replaced?

They know it can be hard to be around them when they are hurting so badly but telling them to “move on” or “it will get better in time” is not consoling to them and has quite the opposite effect. So much so, that they will try to deal with their pain on their own & keep it to themselves. This isn’t healthy.

No one should ever have to feel that alone!!

My message to you all is don’t ever think someone is fine when dealing with grief. They need love and continued support forever. They are happy when you share a memory of with them and acknowledge their loved one!

Don’t ask them how they are doing, you KNOW how they are doing.  Ask them out for coffee or a afternoon walk and just be there for them without them having to reach out to you.

Sometimes they just need you to listen and not try to fix them. They are lost right now and will be for a long time. They need you to help guide them with your non-judgmental & unconditional love.  ❤

Written by Susan McCord

INZUNZA, Natalie Patricia-Anne
October 12, 1986 – March 21, 2014
Our beloved Natalie is now safe in the arms of Jesus. Lovingly remembered and greatly missed by her parents Sharon & Jaime, sister Alex, her loving and supportive partner Brian Owens, and his parents Sheila and Gary Owens, grandparents: Patricia & Ed, Charles & Andrea, her paternal family in Mexico, extended family in the U.K and the USA. Natalie is now reunited with her father, Jesus and great-grandmother “Nannie” in Heaven. We are so grateful to have had Natalie fill our lives with such love and tenderness for 27 years. Natalie was a sensitive and gentle soul. Natalie was currently completing her education and volunteering with PICS (society that provides programs for new immigrants). She was a passionate and enthusiastic English tutor. A funeral will be held at St. John The Apostle Parish, 5457 Trafalgar Street, Vancouver, on Monday, April 14 at 10:00 am. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to PICS to support this organization that meant so much to Natalie.
http://www.gofundme.com/7ys11c

Please also click on this link below written by Paula Stephens

What I Wish More People Understood About Losing A Child

Susan McCord @ Facebook Page

It’s not Just Oprah’s Favorite Things ~ Sybersue has Some Too! Inexpensive Beauty Tips!

We all have our favorite things in life and some of them can be way outside our budget limit! It is not cheap to maintain our everyday lifestyle even a basic low maintenance mode.  There are so many products that we require to look and feel good these days especially if you want to keep up with fashion styles and anti-aging regimens.

In this video I will show you inexpensive products that make your beauty routine easier and I will also talk about some simple items that you may not have been aware of that are pretty nice to have around the house.

As a single mom on a very tight budget for many years, I had to shop at consignment stores and find any bargain I could so that I could afford to pay rent, eat healthy & keep my forever hungry athletic son on his sports team. I learned a lot trying to make ends meet and it was a great life lesson that makes me appreciate every little thing that I am blessed to have today!

I hope you enjoy this list of Sybersue’s Favorite Things and I would love to hear some of yours!

Please share your Favorite things in the comments below!

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

 

Dear Sybersue ~ My Girlfriend’s Sarcastic Sense of Humor is Ruining our Relationship!

Dear Sybersue ~ My Girlfriend’s Sarcastic Sense of Humor is Ruining our Relationship!

Heart of Eternity

Heart of Eternity

Dear Sybersue,

I hope you can help me with this and I appreciate you being totally honest with how you respond. My girlfriend of 5 years is a beautiful 32 year old woman but she is very unhappy in her job as a waitress. (On the opposite end of the spectrum I love my job as a firefighter!) We live together and were inseparable for the first 3 years.  She has always been a little sarcastic and I used to think it was funny & meant in a lighthearted way. Now I feel she is using her “so called humor” at my expense & I do not find it humorous in the least!  It is very derogatory. She has a few girlfriends that she treats the same way and I have noticed they are coming around less & less. I have told her how I feel but she just can’t seem to help herself and is still sarcastic on a daily basis. I am almost ready to leave our relationship but I still love her and had planned on marrying her!

What do you suggest?

Almost Done Daniel

ANSWER

Hi Daniel,

I am so glad you wrote! I am not a fan of sarcasm and never have been. It has a very small place in the world of communication but occasionally there can be some funny one liners & needed comebacks. For the most part though, it is a nasty way of verbalizing what someone really wants to say in a negative way, especially in a relationship! They think if they add humor it will lose the real intent of their feelings. Continual sarcasm is used by people who are insecure for the most part. It makes them feel better by shutting someone else down in a “playful” way. The problem is, it isn’t playful after the second & third time it is repeated.

You mentioned your girlfriend is not happy in her job, which is probably where her insecurity stems from. She is mad at herself for not changing her life & takes it out on you by using these sarcastic jabs. You on the other hand, have a heroic job where many women put you on a pedestal. This just adds fuel to her insecurities & she unknowingly sabotages your relationship. She is jealous of your life because she feels inferior to you and your accomplishments. She needs a wake up call before she loses you completely.

If you truly love her & want to salvage this partnership, these five things need to be addressed:

1) She needs to leave her job ~ which means you will have to be by her side supporting her emotionally & mentally while she goes to school or learns a new career. ( She may need a little help financially if she has to take less work shifts to do this.)

2) Communicate to her how this sarcasm has to stop or you will leave the house every time she uses it. It is not to be tolerated and she needs to realize how often it is happening. (No confrontation, just remove yourself from the situation.) If she doesn’t try to make any changes at all then you may have to leave the house for good with your suitcase in hand.

3) Make sure you are giving her positive feedback on a regular basis as this will contribute to her feeling less insecure as well. She may need some counselling if this problem is rooted deeper than just changing her job. There could be some childhood self-esteem insecurities that she hasn’t dealt with.

4) Remember; It’s not your job to FIX her but be supportive while she is making these changes to her life. Give yourself a time limit of how long you are willing to be there and make sure she is really sincere on working things out in your relationship. You have been there for 5 years and if she is not serious about you as a couple you need to move on.

5) She needs to apologize to you and her friends that have walked away & tell you all that she is dealing with her issues. She must own her part in the demise of your relationship and these fizzling friendships, which is the biggest part of any type of therapy.

Making these alterations should put you on your way to a stronger & healthier relationship. Good for you for caring and taking the time and the effort to make things better at home. So many people would just walk out & not even try to understand how to correct it. Your girlfriend may just need a little understanding and some professional coaching to change her ways. At the very least you have done all that you can do to make it work out for your partnership which shows how much you love her Daniel. Hopefully she sees what a great guy she has and changes her ways. ❤

Keep me posted!

Sybersue

Dear Sybersue Talk Show @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord