Vancouver blogger Susan McCord

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Can We Really Have It All Or At Least Most Of What We Want?

Want It At Forty FiveCan we have most of what we want? Why does life flow for some people but not for others? Is it really all about our attitude or self esteem? Is it luck?

Having it all is not the same for everyone. Some people want log cabins and solitude & others want a flourishing career and a winter home in Palm Springs.

Many people are very driven & make things happen to intensify their life and then there are others who make excuses as to why they are not changing their lives in a more enhancing way.

To them, it’s much easier “not” to persevere and have challenges, then to deal with the fears that come with continual change or risk taking.

It’s time to alter that behavioral thinking; you can have it all when you believe you can!

Things to Think About When Making Changes to Your Life:

  • Self sabotage inhibits your success because you don’t believe you can actually do it or that you deserve it. You stop yourself from allowing things to manifest. Visualize yourself in a better place.
  • Childhood demons or trauma can block your creativity and self worth but can also create a fight for survival as an adult.  (It is always a good idea to see a therapist to help you deal with any painful memories that still haunt you.)
  • A mundane and repetitive routine slows creative achievement; diversity is the key!
  • Don’t be envious, judgmental or jealous of others. Learn from them! Ask questions and watch what they do.
  • Want It All At Forty FiveDon’t give up or feel defeated with anything you are striving for. Oprah became successful because people everywhere can relate to her. She persevered through hardship & childhood abuse. She is a mentor to many because she never gave up on her dream despite numerous obstacles! It wasn’t an easy road for her.
  • Stop “living in a box” due to fears. We aren’t born outgoing & confident; we learn how to be. (Setting new goals on a regular basis will allow you to keep growing; which will also enhance your self-esteem.) We all have a choice on how to improve our lives. It’s up to us.
  • Stay light-hearted and fun to be around. Being rigid or controlling about things may get you what you want at the time, but could keep you from true happiness due to a “high maintenance” attitude.
  • Make a list of your desires and look at them regularly in order of importance. You may only have a few but they will change your life direction when you start to implement them.
  • Settling for anything in your life including a partner will be a disservice to all aspects of your life. It will have a domino effect. Go for what makes you truly happy.
  • Don’t wait for things to happen, make them happen! It’s perfectly OK to take baby steps to get there.
  • When things are right, they are not that difficult. Every new situation requires a little work but if there is too much drama or negativity you need to know when to move on!
  • Be careful how quickly you judge someone because everyone has a story and they are all worth hearing. Be compassionate & kind towards other people.
  • Do not let your disabilities define you; show the world your inner strength and teach others how to understand them. The less ignorance in the world, the more we will learn to love each other unconditionally.
  • Sometimes great opportunities are right in front of you but you don’t see them. Open your eyes with more clarity and allow these things to come towards you. You deserve them! We all do.

We have many more options today than our parents ever had and we need to appreciate that. We also live longer so why not make it memorable?

Want It All At Forty FiveA few scars on your knees or on your heart mean that you have “lived and loved” and were not afraid to take chances. Eventually you will get it right when you “own” the life lessons that were dealt to you. There was something you needed to know so you can move onto a healthier & happier place.

Don’t spend your life regretting what you did or didn’t do, move on and appreciate each experience. Take the positive from each situation with you to the next level & keep soaring to new heights.

I believe you can have it all if you do not become complacent or stuck. It’s never too late to change up what isn’t working.

Once we reach 30, birthdays seem to come at much more rapid pace. This scares us and can bring out more insecurities of what may not be happening in our lives.

Diversity will keep youth on your side due to always having a fresh outlook; which will enhance your life on a continual basis. People will want to be around you because you’re interesting! There is never a dull moment hanging out with you!

It’s Important to Connect with Others:

Talk to each other, look at each other, smile at each other and say hi to each other. Stop stereotyping the opposite sex and appreciate their strengths & weaknesses. Only treat others the way you want to be treated.

I believe that there are no coincidences and that people you come across in your lifetime have a message to give you or you have to give them.

The faster you decipher these messages the faster you will be able to define who you are and what special gifts you have to share with others on your path.

What makes you happy?

Do you know your true passion?

What hidden talent do you have that needs to come out for all of us to see?

We ALL have a purpose here in our lifetime and we are all unique, beautiful and wealthy in our own way.

At Forty Five You Are OK

Never be afraid to be all that you can be; because life is so much more rewarding when you finally discover that you really are pretty damn incredible!

Yes I am talking to you!

One person can make a difference, why can’t it be you?

This post is also shown here at this other amazing website! I will post there every Tuesday @ atfortyfivemag.com

Susan McCord @The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

 

 

Ageism is Something that Young People Should be Aware of too!
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Ageism is Something that Young People Should be Aware of too!

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Ageism definition: prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person’s age.

As a mature women this topic of ageism is something I have been aware of for many years but it actually affects men & women of ALL ages.

Why is age allowed to define someone?

One of the first questions a person is asked on almost any form is; Enter Your Birthday mth/day/year. Why do they have the right to ask you this? Most non medical/government forms do not ask for your weight so why is this “none of your business” birthday question permitted?

The minute you tell someone how old you are, their judgment is automatically internalizing. It may not be verbally discussed but it is definitely stirring within the thought process of the person asking.

Most of us are guilty of doing this to some degree as we have been programmed to base people on who they are; by how old they are. We need to base our critiquing on what we actually see & hear, not on how old someone is on their birth certificate!

If employers closed their eyes when they were interviewing a potential employee, they would get a completely different picture of who that person sitting in their office really was. 

From a very young age I have always respected & appreciated people in their maturing years due to their enlightening non-stop wisdom. I liked to surround myself with their stories and life lessons that they have learned with each passing birthday.

One of my favorite celebrities is Betty White due to her humor & zest for life at the young tender age of 95! She greatly inspires me as did George Burns for many years. He died at age 100 in 1996 and people still talk about him! I rest my case…

Quote by George Burns: “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.”

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People often become invisible when they reach a certain age.  No one should be ignored or considered “too old” by anyone.

We also have to abolish the double standard aging female vs. aging man scenario. It is well documented in history and even today, that men are viewed as “distinguished” as they age, while women in the workforce feel as if they are viewed as “grazers out in the pasture” after 50. (Thankfully this is slowly starting to change as women are fighting back as we speak!)

Although certain professions may have age restrictions due to strenuous job requirements, I truly believe that each person should be considered on an individual non-prejudiced nature. After all; 50 is the new 35 and with that comes great life experience, better fitness levels & professional expertise. Why wouldn’t a company embrace that?

Successful businesses have a variety of age groups in the employee mix as they are intelligent enough to understand how well this works. If there was only “one hiring age,” everyone would think the same way which can lead to a narrow minded marketing strategy down the road.

“An innovative business is a successful business!” How many people out there wouldn’t hire Richard Branson at the age of 66? Am I making my point yet?

Ageism is also a difficult time for many people turning 30. There is much anxiety today for this age group due to the path their parents & grandparents led. There is pressure to have children, buy a house & have the perfect career, which is not happening as often for everyone these days.

Companies want experience but don’t want to pay for it, so many University grads are getting passed over! Many businesses advertise to hire interns with “no pay”to work for a year! How can students afford to do that when they have 5 years of loans to pay off after getting their degree???

There is so much competition for only a few jobs that it is discouraging millennials from even wanting to go to school anymore! They can make more money as a server in a high end restaurant without having any loans to pay back.

It doesn’t seem to matter what type of career choice you venture into, the competition is fierce. Whether it is the gaming or social media market, there is a waiting room full of hopeful young men and women vying for the same job.

One of my friends is an amazing singer/songwriter in her 30’s. In music land she is considered less & less for her incredible talent strictly due to her age and has actually been told that a few times! Basically, she is not as programmable or in my words (easily manipulated) as a 15 year old rising star tends to be.

This is very sad! Who said that talent stops at 25?  There is a reason for shows like “The Voice” and “America’s Got Talent” that do not have an age restriction for mature applicants. Finally someone gets it!

Speaking of shows…

As a mature woman on YouTube I have taken some verbal beatings with regards to my age. I started my talk show 8 years ago on the YouTube platform which initially had an audience primarily in the under 25 category.  In the first year I was a called a wrinkled old bag, ugly & old, an aging bitch & a few other names that start with “F.”

Moving forward into 2017 with many age groups now visiting or uploading on YouTube & other social media sites, I am now very fortunate to have many wonderful comments written to me regularly with regards to my talk show videos.

The negative feedback occasionally still happens and it is still sadly apparent that ageism will probably always exist in social media with young adults. I guess it makes some people feel better to be able to vent their personal opinions as they can safely hide behind a computer while doing so.

So why did a mature woman decide to put herself out there on HD video & social media?

I started my online Lifestyle Talk Show to help men & women with dating, relationships, self esteem issues & to help them find love in their lives. So many people were complaining of how difficult it was to meet someone & how their self image & low self esteem was playing a big part in their loneliness.

I wanted to help make their lives easier by discussing numerous topics that I had dealt with during my long lived dating experiences, my divorce, being a single mother and my turbulent childhood. I am pleased to say that there are many wonderful people who truly appreciate my wisdom & life experience and I am happy to be able to help.

There will always be the few people who like to use bullying comments because of my advancing age & maturity, but I know in my heart they are lashing out due to their own unhappiness & insecurities. It makes some people feel powerful to put others down; another life lesson many of us learn much too late in life.

Regardless of what age you are now, it is time to think about where you want to be down the road with with each advancing birthday. It may not be affecting you at this particular moment but before you know it, you will be dealing with ageism in some form or another.

Surround yourself with mentors who have walked the walk of life as they will be the best guides you could ask for.

If we keep making age a factor in who we choose to have in our employment, our personal lives or our entertainment choices, we will be missing out on one Hell of a lot of talented & wise people we could learn from.

With many companies & establishments not hiring people after 50 these days, there are going to be many financially despondent people collecting welfare down the road. This could be one of your parents, yourself or even worse, one of your children.

It’s not too late to change your thinking and start to make a difference in this life. Everyone who crosses your path is there to teach you something or for you to teach them something. That is a good thing and an education all in itself. ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

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Is It All About Them? Rude People are so Annoying!

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I am usually a positive person and not too quick to judge people. I try to give others the benefit of the doubt when things don’t go as smoothly as I might like with certain human interactions. Today is a day when I need to vent and I apologize for not being my usual perky, happy self.  Sometimes we just need to talk about things in an assertive way when they bug us.

Rant begins…

There one thing that really pisses me off is people who think they are the only thing that matters and that their time is more important than anyone else’s. These are the ones that cancel on you last minute without giving you a reason why. You just receive a matter of fact text “sorry can’t make it.” Or if they do give you an excuse as to why the bailed on you, it is pretty lame for the most part. They just chose another option that worked better for them.

What has happened to us?

Why are there so many people like this in the world today? When did we become so “me” orientated? Where is the kindness and compassion for others who we come in contact with throughout our daily routine?

I am blown away to be honest. I try to stay optimistic and not let it affect me but sometimes I just want to smack some of these people and shake them out of their self absorbed thinking, (especially when it effects people I love!) There is a reason that many businesses charge for last minute cancellations! This is also why airlines “over sell” their flights today. There are so many no-shows.

Unfortunately rudeness is an everyday occurrence that we all have to deal with but are you aware of your own actions?

Do you do any of these things?

  • Talk loudly on your phone at the gym near people who are trying to work out? Do you throw your heavy weights with force onto the floor?
  • Do you impatiently walk so closely on people’s heals so that they can feel your breath in their ears?
  • Do you walk through a door without looking behind you?
  • Are you always calling in sick to your job forcing your colleagues to have to work harder to make up for your absence?
  • Do you double up your plans on the calendar and then choose the best option when the day comes?
  • Are you a line crasher?
  • Are you a taker or opportunist? Do you appreciate people’s time they have given to help you and do you reciprocate in some way?
  • Do you drive aggressively barging your way in front of another car and then turn left on them a minute later? Do you allow other cars to merge in or pretend you don’t see their signal light?
  • Are you always on your phone when you are out for an evening with friends?

I am sad to say that I even see a “sense of entitlement” at the yoga studio I go to regularly; with the people who noisily come in late when the class has already started, making everyone move for them or standing right in front of someone so they can’t see to use the mirror to correct their form. It’s all about them; they don’t even look behind them to see who it might be affecting.

So much for a Zen atmosphere…sigh.

Men and women constantly complain about not being able to meet someone to date. Is this really a surprise when we hardly look up to exchange a smile with someone in our vicinity? Is it a wonder that many people are lonely and spending their weekends with their Netflix partner instead of a romantic partner?

We are all becoming so technology dependent that we are isolating ourselves further and further into an introverted existence.

It’s not too late to change some of this bad behavior and if everyone made a little effort being kind to one another and respecting each others time and space; we could actually start talking “face to face” once again like our grandparents did in the old days.

Be nice to others every day and do not become one of those people I mentioned above that are self absorbed and only think about what is good for them. It is very rewarding to be nice to people and see a smile light up on their faces.

Be aware of who you are and how you come across. If you want fullness in your life you will only achieve it by giving back just as much as you receive.

It’s never too late to be a better person. ❤

Rant over…

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

 

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays & Whatever else you are Celebrating Poem
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Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays & Whatever else you are Celebrating Poem

 

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This is the festive time of year,

Where we all get together to celebrate good cheer,

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, turkey or beef,

Or whatever is your Religious belief.

 

We all need to chill and rejoice in our way,

No one should tell us how we should pray,

I choose my religion or my spiritual path,

I don’t need to hear anyone’s wrath.

 

Be grateful for life and all that you are,

Believe in miracles & Bethlehem’s Star,

Be kind to each other and give peace a chance,

Don’t get sucked into power’s political dance!

 

Wherever you are, or the color of your skin,

You’re my sister, my brother, my next of kin,

Don’t forget that we share this planet we’re on,

Please appreciate this gift before it’s gone.

 

By Susan McCord

❤ Happy Holidays to Everyone from our home to yours ❤

 

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Relationship Advice: Why do People Jump in so Fast to a New Relationship and Run Away Just as Fast?

Dear Sybersue is a Funny & Informative Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages!

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord Discusses: Why do People Jump in Fast to a New Relationship and then Jump out of it Just as Fast!

This type of dating scenario is happening a lot these days and many men and women are getting very hurt & frustrated about it. How are you supposed to trust someone when everything is going so well between the two of you and then all of a sudden it just ends after 3-6 months? They just move on and you are left scratching your head and wondering what the Hell you did wrong?? The sad part is that they don’t even give a valid reason for their abrupt departure so it makes it very difficult to close the door on the relationship. People need closure! It is very demoralizing and damaging to one’s self esteem when a partnership ends so harshly.

When you first enter into a potential relationship be very careful to pull back on the reins no matter how perfect a fit it is in the early stages!  When things are so damn good we all have the tendency to jump in on all fours but don’t realize we are setting ourselves up for that “freak out” moment that will come soon enough! We all give the best part of ourselves when we are with a new partner but unfortunately that doesn’t hold up forever. Everyone has mood swings and quirky moments but when everything has been perfect up until this happens, it makes some people run in the opposite direction! “See I knew it was too good to be true!”

Both men and women are guilty of this and only want to be in a relationship that is exceptional and completely drama free. It is now becoming a big problem. We all need to slow down and not expect perfection, not be a coward and run away & we need to take our time exploring a new love interest. If we put each other on a pedestal too soon, the only place for them to go is down. Take your time and enjoy them at a nice pace and leave the unrealistic expectations out of the equation.

Has this happened to you? Please leave your comments below. 🙂

Susan McCord http://www.sybersue.com
http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

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Dear Sybersue ~ Too BUSY (The Dreaded 4 Letter Word in the Dating World!)

Is it Love or Not?

Is it Love or Not?

Dear Sybersue,

My boyfriend is always too busy with something and has constant plans that don’t include me. We don’t live together but he has promised me we will look for a place together before the 2 year mark of our relationship.  He is loving whenever we’re together and the sex is great when we finally do have some time as a couple.  The problem is after being in an exclusive relationship with me for just over a year he is still acting like he is single by making his needs the priority all the time.  I realize now that I was very accommodating with all of this in the early stages, so that I didn’t scare him off coming across like “the needy girlfriend.”  He has taken it to a whole new level and doesn’t even ask me if it’s OK that he is going away for another weekend with the guys.  (Just so you know he goes away 2-3 weekends out of every month!) When he is at home he is exhausted from the weekend and we seldom do much together as a couple other than watch TV or go to a movie.

I have expressed concern over this telling him that his last minute plans are not respecting my time at all!  He just says how much he loves me and that it won’t be forever, but he enjoys his adventures with his buddies. He goes everywhere from Las Vegas, to fishing trips and cabin getaways with all his guy friends who are mostly unattached.   He is 37 years old and I would have thought he would be past this stage of his life by now.  I’m really getting fed up sitting around waiting for him so that he can have the best of both worlds and I get the dregs of what he has left to give me.

What should I do and why is he even with me?

Tired of being #2

 

Dear #2,

The reason he is with you is because you make it easy for him to have both of these worlds.  I am sure he does love you but he really isn’t ready to be in a mature committed relationship. The real question here is to ask yourself; why are you with him?  What is it that keeps you there?  You call yourself #2 which is not a good place to be and I am sure it hurts every day knowing that you are not the first priority.  You didn’t say what you do while he is away on these continual weekend treks but I hope you are not just hanging around at home waiting for his return!

It sounds like he gives you just enough to keep you from leaving the relationship. He dangles the carrot so to speak.  The first thing you have to do is understand that you deserve more than what he is giving you right now.  Saying he will be ready to move in by your 2 year anniversary is just a pacifier to keep you there and believing that you have a future together. You are allowing him to have his cake and eat it too, which keeps you at the bottom of the priority list all the time.

You need to tell him you are not happy with this arrangement and that if he is not ready to act like a partner then you are ready to move on.  It may come across as an Ultimatum but you are just asking him to be honest.  If he doesn’t want to alter his lifestyle to make you #1 then you know your answer.  In the meantime start living your life for you and make plans to do things with friends or go a vacation to an all inclusive resort and let your hair down.  When someone is too BUSY to make time for you then you don’t need a bigger red flag warning in front of you.  When are you ever too busy to be with someone you are crazy about? You can’t wait to see them!  BUSY is a nasty 4 letter word that shouldn’t ever be used in your relationship. Quite often just spelling it out to your partner can make them realize how selfish they have been and sometimes things can turn around in the relationship if they feel like they will really lose you. You will only know the answer to this if you bring it to the forefront for discussion ~ don’t let it go on any longer.

Let me know how it goes. ❤

Sybersue

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Dear Sybersue ~ Why do Guys Initially Act Interested but Never Call When They Say They Will?

Dear Sybersue Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages!

Question from Candice:

Dear Sybersue:

Why do guys constantly waste my time when I am out for the night with the girls?  They spend all evening paying attention to me, never leaving my side, ask for my phone number and then never call!  My friends complain about the same thing too!

What gives? I’m tired of this!

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

 

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