Dear Sybersue advice column

After 3 Months My Boyfriend Just Wants to Be Friends!
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After 3 Months My Boyfriend Just Wants to Be Friends!

In today’s weekly video/blog post I discuss the topic: After 3 Months My Boyfriend Just Wants to Be Friends!

Carolyn wants to know: “What happened to us? Everything was going so great! Why did my bf suddenly get turned off and now wants to put me in the friend zone? Talk about feeling demoted! Why did his feelings change so quickly? Now what do I do?”

This is one of the biggest problems with dating and relationships; you just don’t always know what is going on in someone else’s heart or mindset. Things can start out beautifully and are going along as smooth as silk and then something shifts to change the harmony.

How do we ever trust that any relationship will  work out and how do we stop worrying that the same thing won’t happen again?

Unfortunately you can’t predict how someone is going to act just as you can’t predict that your career will always stay on the same path either. Both scenarios take a lot of work to keep nurtured and all you can do is give it your best and never take things for granted.

Quite often when things start out fast in a new relationship we put each other on a pedestal which isn’t a good thing. We don’t really know who someone is in the first few months of dating them; but we THINK we do.

We all want instant gratification and ignore some of the bigger things that may be missing in the partnership. Taking things slower will give you a clearer picture of what is actually transpiring between you as a couple.

If this friend zone thing is happening way too often in your new relationships you need to pull back a little. You could be over zealous and too excited about things which can turn some people off.  Keeping a little mystery alive is always a good thing and makes you less predictable.

Take your time and savor each moment. Don’t put your own life on hold for someone else. Remember; your partner should be an extension of who you already are and they fit into your life like the last missing piece of the puzzle.

Love can definitely be a gamble but more often than not, it pays off in a very rewarding way.

I Love to hear from both men and women & will always take time to answer you back. Please leave your comments below and subscribe to my channel!

Sybersue xo

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube – Dear Sybersue Facebook –

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Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend Has Not Told Me He Loves Me After 6 Months
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Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend Has Not Told Me He Loves Me After 6 Months

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Dear Sybersue,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months now.  He hasn’t said the “L” word at all yet.  We have an amazing relationship and see each other 4- 5 times a week. I feel like he is falling in love with me by certain things that he does or says but I don’t want to assume anything.

I’m supposed to wait until he says “I Love You” first, right?

A friend told me that some guys wait until they are with someone at least a year before saying anything. That seems like such a long time! Is that true???

Niki

Dear Niki,

There are so many factors that play a part in the answer to your question. Six months is usually the time frame to start to “base the reality of your relationship” because we can all be on good behavior for 3 or 4 months.

It is what happens after that time frame that becomes the true test of a relationship.

I respect your boyfriend for not blurting out the “L” word too soon as so many guys think they have to say it in the first two months, whether it is sincerely meant or not.

Saying that; I personally I think a year is a long time not to hear these words if you are in a committed relationship and seeing each other often.

When two people really LOVE each other it is harder not to say “I Love you” than to say it.

This is going to sound sexist but I have always preferred it when the man leads with saying it first. Some guys get scared off by aggressive women who say “I Love you,”too quickly.  Of course this isn’t set in stone and today things are different in the relationship world.

It is up to you to weigh that out in your own personal relationship.

If you are the one who ends up saying it first and he runs in the opposite direction after 6 months, then sadly, you will have your answer with where your partnership stands at the present time.

Many women become emotionally connected too soon when there is great sex involved and “think” they are in love; when in fact they have fallen in “lust!” When men finally say “I Love You” after an extended period of time, they usually mean it.

Is it really important to you that he says it right now, with how great things are going between you both? In answer to your question Niki, I would be patient a little while longer as he seems like a wonderful guy who greatly respects you and is committed to you.

After a few months  if you are really concerned about where you stand with him, gently ask him how he feels about you. You have a right to know where your future stands with him.

Maybe there is something he is afraid of from his past relationships or his family life? These questions below are something that you should know about him and they will help you to understand him better.

  1. Was he deeply hurt by a woman before?
  2. Has he ever been in love? (He may have commitment issues or emotional demons.)
  3. Was his childhood a happy place?
  4. Is he close to his parents and has a healthy relationship with them?
  5. Does he show love to other people in his life?  In other words is he capable of showing that side of himself or is he removed?
  6. Is he affectionate with you and are you sexually compatible together?

If he is a happy guy & comfortable in his own skin, then he is probably just making sure that when he does tell you he loves you, it is the perfect time to do so. If he is loving, holds your hand, compliments you often, puts you first and is proud to be with you, he is definitely on the path to saying it soon!

Listen to your intuition in the next few months & watch his body language as well. You don’t want to be the last to know you are “Mrs. Right Now” and he just “really likes you.” Nor do you want to spend 2 years with someone only to find out he is happy being in a “friends with benefits” based scenario.

I strongly disagree with giving a man an ultimatum scenario as you really want him to be with you on his own accord & not forced into a marriage or commitment.

What does your gut really say? Your instincts are seldom wrong & truly are your best guide. Listen carefully.  Most of those wrong decisions we make in our lives is due to ignoring those powerful spidey-senses.

Please watch the video below for further for more on this blog article:

Wishing you much love ❤ & happiness Niki ~ Keep me posted!!

Thanks for writing.

xo Sybersue

The Dear Sybersue Talk Show              DearSybersue Facebook

 

 

Stop Interviewing People On a First Date!
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Stop Interviewing People On a First Date!

Thanks for visiting my blog! Dear Sybersue is an Informative No BS dating relationship coach and advice columnist for millennials & gen-exers.

In today’s weekly video upload I discuss: Stop Interviewing People on a Date!

Why do some men and women have a huge checklist that they interrogate their dates with? Is this a good way to show your fun side? How does it feel when someone does it to you?

As much as dating can feel like a job interview sometimes it should never feel clinical or intimidating! If you want to have a second date with someone you had better stop with this repetitive interview process!

When did we become so entitled that we think “our person” should have to have every box ticked with our unrealistic relationship expectations? One wrong answer and you’re out of the running! This is crazzzzy! 

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have some insecurities or a few flaws, so why are so many people quick to delete someone who they haven’t even given a chance to? Just because he might not be 6’2 feet tall or she may not be a hot blonde, is this a mature reason to walk away?

I talked to some amazing women last night at The Opus Lounge in downtown Vancouver close to where I live. They were from New York and we had a chat about how difficult it is to date there. “All the men want younger women and there are very few quality guys available.”

I told them it is the same line I hear in every city I visit and this isn’t just an isolated situation in New York. This is the feeling everywhere!

This means single men and women need an attitude adjustment. They need to reprogram their negative thinking about dating and relationships! All men are not the same and neither are all women.

Stop thinking that is the case!

There are plenty of people that want to meet someone their own age and who aren’t playing games and are available for a relationship. Thinking that you will never meet anyone, is sabotaging your chances to actually meet someone because your body language and negative mindset is rappelling them in the opposite direction!

Dating can be fun but it won’t be if you tend to treat it like a boring interview or you are always bieng way too picky! No one is perfect so start looking at people with a different perspective! Are you perfect?

If you want things to be different; change your attitude with a brand new thought process. Tell the Universe you are ready for a relationship and openly ask for what you want.

Believe that you are worthy of having a loving partnership and then welcome it in with open arms. I am not saying things will change overnight because that is entirely up to you and how you alter your energy and your attitude.

Old patterns can take a while to completely diminish when they have been embedded in your mind for so long, but…you can teach an old dog new tricks despite what you may think.

Please watch the video above for more on this subject. 

I love  to hear from both men and women & will always take time to answer you back. Please leave your comments below! ❤

Susan McCord aka Dear Sybersue 

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Change Your Look, Attitude & Life (Right down to your underwear!)
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Change Your Look, Attitude & Life (Right down to your underwear!)

Attitude At Forty Five

Post located at At Forty Five.com

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One day on a calendar shouldn’t be the only reason to make a difference in your attitude or appearance. Some people need to have a reason to alter their outlook and behavioral patterns.

Birthdays, Reunions & New Year’s Day seems to be the focal point for many people to make those changes but why does everyone need a particular date to do this?

Why do we need a reason to care about how we look or act?

Regardless of whether you are single or in a relationship, shouldn’t you always take pride in your appearance and attitude? Brushing your teeth and having a shower is an important hygienic necessity and you wouldn’t even think about not doing this on a daily basis!

Why stop there?

Yes, there are some people who take vanity to a much higher level but then there are those men and women who really try hard to make the opposite statement. They are almost rebellious about taking any time with their appearance; which also shows in their everyday outlook towards life.

Why would you go to the supermarket or a movie in your sweatpants, no makeup on and then be embarrassed or complain how terrible you looked when you ran into a really attractive guy or an old friend?

If you care enough to make a comment about how bad you looked, why go out in public like that?

There is a happy medium here without being the 2-hour high maintenance woman. You can truly change your life with the right attitude. Even the smallest changes can alter your spirit.

Don’t use the excuse that you’re a full figured woman or you’re not a size 6 and think that men only look at skinny girls, because that isn’t true! Men love women of all shapes & sizes!

We are ALL beautiful ladies!

Looking good really does make you feel good!

When you have sexy underwear on do you not feel different? When someone turns their head to look at you, does it not put a spring in your step?

  • Making small changes with your appearance and attitude will help expand your life in all areas. Makeover shows are popular for a reason!
  • One fabulous piece of clothing or a new haircut can alter your attitude; which ultimately changes how you think about everything!
  • When you go a little beyond your comfort zone, it is a big door opener that attracts new things into your life. Even just one flirtatious glance or compliment can bring you a refreshed outlook & big boost to your self-esteem.

Positive acknowledgment is a part of life that starts as an infant; making our parents smile from our first word to their applause when we take our 1st step. It is what motivates our actions which keep escalating as we grow.

Pats on the back are adolescent building blocks but it doesn’t stop because we are now an adult.  

We all need continual encouragement. If we get nothing back on a continual basis, many of us retreat into a lethargic & negative place.

This is why it is important to be in a loving & supportive reciprocated relationship!  One-sided partnerships eventually tear down your self-esteem and dangerously play on your self-worth.

 If your life is constantly void of reassuring acclamations, how do you continue to build confidence?

Start by caring about yourself and how others perceive you. How do you come across? Stand out & make people notice you. Be the best YOU!

How do I change things up with my appearance and learn to feel comfortable with my authentic self?

  1. If this is uncomfortable for you or you aren’t sure where to start, ask a trusted friend or family member to help. Ask them to take you shopping & offer suggestions on what they think looks good on you. What can they tell you about your personality and how you come across to others? Tell them to be gentle as this is new territory and you don’t want any negativity. You want to come out of your cocoon not retreat back into it.
  2. Start slowly by purchasing one or two articles of clothing that are out of your “comfort wardrobe zone” but within your age group. You could always hire a stylist if you don’t have a clue as to what you should do.
  3. Both men and women like to feel sexy and desired. By adding a little color, mixing up your fashion sense or keeping up with trending fashion attire; can put you into a whole new mindset.
  4. Consignment stores are great for this and keep you in the lower budget range! Looking good doesn’t have to cost a fortune.
  5. Take good care of your hair and change the style every couple of years. Regular updates keep you looking youthful and fashionable!
  6. The first thing people see is your face so taking the time to put in a little effort is the best way to get noticed. A touch of lip gloss, enhancing your brows or getting eyelash extensions can really add to your natural beauty.  A big smile just tops it all off to make you stand out even more.
  7. Wearing nothing but baggy sweatpants & running shoes shows apathy & diminishes your sex appeal.  (Men appreciate a little fashion sense but it doesn’t have to be over the top.  Just making a little effort says a lot.)
  8. Start working out if you’re not already! If you need incentive, buy a $40 Groupon for a month of yoga, spin/dance classes or some other form of fitness that is offered. Get back into being active again. This will also push you to go because you have a time limitation to complete your purchase.

Some people go to great lengths to put out, “I just don’t care,” but realistically everyone does want to be noticed to some degree. Listen & watch how people treat you. If they are giving up their seat for you on the bus and you are only 45, you might want to re-evaluate your lifestyle! If you really didn’t care you wouldn’t have gravitated to this article.

An inexpensive makeover and attitude adjustment will work wonders for your self-esteem and your love life regardless of each approaching birthday.

Embrace change in your life to keep your spirit young forever.

Please Watch The Video Below for Other Tips on How to Change Your Look & Attitude

 

Susan McCord  @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Dear Sybersue Advice Column & Blogs

I am excited to be a contributor to AT FORTY FIVE, an online magazine for women over 45 filled with amazing ideas and info to inspire and motivate. Please subscribe and share this magazine with all the women in your life. atfortyfivecontributor

Should I Tell My Best Friend I Have Feelings For Him?
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Should I Tell My Best Friend I Have Feelings For Him?

For those of you here for the first time on my blog, Dear Sybersue is an Informative No BS dating relationship show and advice column for millennials & gen-exers. In today’s weekly video and post I discuss Carries’ question:

Should I Tell My Best Friend I Have Feelings For Him?

Dear Sybersue,

I found you on YouTube and love your show! I like the fact that you are an older woman who has experienced so much in life. My mom passed away about 5 years ago and sometimes I feel very alone when dealing with love and relationships. I miss her wisdom.

My question for you is:

I am having strong feelings for my best friend Kevin who 31 years old.  I am 28 and have known him for just over a year. We see each other all the time as well as texting each other often throughout the day!

Just to be clear, I didn’t go into this with any expectations other than having a platonic friendship with him.

I wasn’t interested in a relationship at the time when we first met through our mutual friends, but we have so much in common that it’s changed the course of my initial feelings for him.

I am also very physically attracted to him! 

I am not sure how he feels about me although he does playfully flirt once in awhile; at the same time he seems to keep a careful distance from me. Does that make sense or am I being delusional? Perhaps wishful thinking on my part?

I don’t know how much longer I can go on pretending that we are just buddies but I don’t want to lose our amazing friendship either. We are both single and live in the same city so there isn’t anything standing in our way.

The chemistry I feel for Kevin is electric and sometimes I just want to rip his clothes off and throw him on the bed! I am surprised he can’t smell my raging pheromones hanging around him like a cat in heat!

Should I tell him how I am feeling about him or would that ruin everything? What if he doesn’t feel anything for me? What should I do?

Thanks Sybersue, Carrie 

Please watch the video above to hear what Sybersue has to say on the subject.

Sybersue Loves to hear from both men and women & will always take time to answer you back. Please leave your comments below!

Sybersue xo ❤

Susan McCord aka Dear Sybersue can be found at these links below:dear_sybersue__caricature01-2

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Why is My Teenage Daughter So Disrespectful Since Her Dad & I Separated?
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Why is My Teenage Daughter So Disrespectful Since Her Dad & I Separated?

Today’s video: Why is My Teenage Daughter So Disrespectful Since Her Dad & I Separated, is a topic that many single moms (and single dads) can relate to!

I decided to add another video to my YouTube channel for single parents and will continue to do so every few months due to the numerous questions I have received recently on my advice column.

As a single mom since my son was 18 months old, I know how difficult things can be when dealing with a teenager and a pending divorce. Ohhhh how I know!

Most kids coming from broken homes will act out in one way or another because they are crushed by the demise of the family dynamics they had been used to. They are venting their frustration the only way they know how and that is through anger at school or lashing out the closest person to them, you their mom.

Sometimes it will feel like she is siding with her father over you and that can really hurt and make you feel unloved. Not only have you lost your husband, you feel your daughter slipping away too.

Be assured that she is just finding her own way through this messy situation and she does love you.

Teenagers can be volatile with their emotions even when they are not dealing with a family breakup. Their hormones can turn them into Linda Blair from “The Exorcist!”

It is very important to hear what she has to say but you must maintain some strong boundaries if she is being nasty and disrespectful to you on a continual basis. It’s not OK for her to treat you like crap and you need to sit down and really talk to her about what is going on.

She needs to hear you and you need to hear her.

Don’t pretend everything is the same at home during this breakup with her dad. She needs to feel validated and safe to discuss the reality of what has transpired within her family and to have time to grieve and deal with her own emotions.

Never let her be your sounding board. Make every effort possible not to let her become the parent who takes care of you. It’s not her job. Your daughter still wants her mom and you need to be her rock throughout her young life.

“I know that’s what I should do but she is so argumentative and defensive, sometimes it’s easier to just ignore it and let her rant.”

Of course you don’t want to fight with your daughter especially when you are dealing with all the legal aspects of the upcoming divorce. It is so much easier to let her have her way because there is less drama in the house. But that isn’t what she is looking for…

She is looking for guidance and emotional support even if it seems like she is pushing you away in the opposite direction. Family breakups affect everyone in the house not just mom and dad.

Please watch this video above to see how you can handle this scenario with a different perspective.

I really love to hear from both men and women & will always take time to answer you back. Please leave your comments below!

Thanks for visiting me here at Sybersue ❤

Susan McCord @Dear Sybersue Advice Show YouTube –    Dear Sybersue Facebook –

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How To Stop Playing The “Waiting Game” With Men (Matthew Hussey)
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How To Stop Playing The “Waiting Game” With Men (Matthew Hussey)

In the video above Matthew Hussey talks about how to stop playing the waiting game after a date. Many women become very anxious when they are hoping to hear back from a guy they just dated. 

I agree with what Matthew says and as a mature woman I would like to add that any guy you have to play the waiting game with, is not worth your time! This is a big red flag! I learned this lesson early in my life.

If there is a great connection between the two of you they “can’t wait” to see you again!

You should always have a purpose in your life and being busy won’t allow you to get caught up in over-thinking everything with any guy that you date. There is also the other side of the coin where they come in wayyyy too fast, which is also not good. (“In fast, out fast!” Why? Because they freak themselves out with how fast it’s going! Go figure.)

When a relationship has potential, it flows and there aren’t a lot of questions because you have a respectful reciprocated communication and chemistry with each other.

Men like it when women have a full life and don’t come across as needy or too available. They don’t want a yes girl for a long term commitment and if they do go for that type what does that say about them?

Well… you know how that will eventually turn out. 

A relationship needs balance and there is no room for a controlling person who calls all of the shots. If you have to try to figure out whether a guy likes you, he’s seriously just not interested enough.

Believe me, you will know if he is!

Dating today doesn’t mean hanging around waiting for one guy to get back to you. You can open up your “dance card” and date others as well. If you’re NOT exclusive with them, you don’t owe them anything and can date whomever you want.

That is the beauty of dating in the millennium; you won’t have time wondering if they will call or text you back, because you will be too busy to notice!

Trust me when I say that when the right one comes along you will know it. ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show

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