Are You Sure You’re Ready to Be in a Relationship?

Are You Sure You’re Ready to Be in a Relationship?

In the video above Dear Sybersue discusses a relationship subject that many people have questioned themselves about at some point in their life.

Are you sure you are ready to be in a relationship?

Here are 10 Things to Think About When Asking Yourself This Question:

  1. Is your partner a big priority in your life?
  2. Are you ready to nurture this commitment or are you too busy to give them what they need from your heart?
  3. Do they fill a void that makes you feel more alive when you are with them?
  4. Are they in your thoughts regularly throughout the day?
  5. Do you smile when you think about them?
  6. Do you know the difference between lust and love?
  7. Are you still sexually attracted to other people and just can’t stop being a flirt?
  8. Do you really miss them when you are not with them?
  9. Do you get excited about a future with them and all the things you can share together?
  10. Are you on the same page with most things in life?
  • Children
  • Marriage
  • Family values
  • Financial goals
  • Your careers?

There aren’t a lot of  haunting doubts or difficult questions when you are ready to share your life with someone. It just feels great and there is a reciprocated  love and respect for each other.

Don’t waste someone’s time if you are just looking for a part time romance. It’s not fair to them.

Stay single until you are ready to give someone your unconditional love and support. It’s OK not to be in a relationship!

Take time to work on yourself and be comfortable with who you are as a person; everything else will flow in the right direction.

* Susan Loves to hear from her viewers and wants to hear your views on this subject. Please leave your comments below this post! ❤

Thank you!

xoxo Sybersuedear_sybersue__caricature01-2

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How Single Women Should Really Handle Valentine’s Day!

How Single Women Should Really Handle Valentine’s Day!

OH NO, it’s that dreadful time of year again where single women feel even lonelier than every other day of the year. February 14th and all the romantic hype is an annoying reminder for singles everywhere!

“Hey Hallmark, why don’t you just rub it in with how alone I really am!” 

This is always a big conversation with women and can be very depressing for some. Many single guys feel the void as well but just don’t vocalize it. Even committed couples can feel anxious with this annual love celebration! As we all know, a lot of pressure comes with most special occasions on the calendar!

You have two options on how to deal with this day as a single person. 

You can hibernate at home with a tub of Haagen-Daz ice cream, watch romcoms with envy, cry over old photos of your Ex or you can get out of your house and tell CUPID to shove his arrow right up his a$$!

Believe it or not the best thing you can do when you are single on Valentine’s Day is go out and socialize! 

  1. Go to a lounge or pub that has less of a romantic setting with pool tables, 60 inch TVs, dart boards, foosball & other manly attractions. You will be surprised to see how many other people show up as well! You are pretty much guaranteed that everyone who is there without a partner is single; otherwise they would be out with their date!
  2. Going out for a coffee or a movie with a girlfriend is also another great way not to give into the BS of February 14th only being a date night!
  3. Have a “girl’s night in!” Invite other ladies over for your own private singles party. Celebrate your freedom and choice to be where you are right now. It’s a good thing!
  4. Plan a vacation to a singles all-inclusive resort!
  5. Check out Singles Valentine’s Events being held in your city. There are more than you think!

Being single has many benefits that married couples will occasionally yearn for! Here are a few to think about on Feb 14th:

  • You can do whatever you want, whenever you want & be spontaneous and go to last minute invites or events!
  • Girl’s night out can happen often without having to plan it 2-3 weeks in advance and having to get your partners approval.
  • It doesn’t matter what goes on in Vegas ~ no one cares but you!
  • You can order “take out” every night and never use your oven! “What’s a recipe?”
  • You don’t have to shave your legs or get a Brazilian & you can wear your comfortable big girl panties whenever you want!
  • You can watch, The Bachelor, The Young & Restless or any chick flick you want! You are in charge of the remote!
  • Here’s the best part; you don’t have to watch a marathon of Sports or Dick Flicks!
  • You can put a 6 pack of beer in the fridge on Friday and there will be 4 cans left on Monday!
  • You have complete control of the house temperature and no one steals your bed covers or immaturely tries to play dutch-oven with you!
  • Your toilet will always be flushed and the seat will remain in the downward position. (You won’t have to triple flush, turn on the tap or light a match!)
  • Your newspaper/magazines will never end up in the bathroom & remain on the coffee table completely intact.
  • The only snoring or farting you hear will be your own!

Ladies don’t be afraid to be seen out somewhere on February 14th without a man on your arm. What better day to show your confidence that you are OK being single? Cocooning and feeling sad at home means you are giving in to this holiday stereotype and letting Valentine’s Day marketing scams get to you and work their power!

You are a fantastic person whether you are single or in a partnership. Do not ever let a relationship define who you are!

❤ Now get off the couch & go out for a fun Valentine’s Day! ❤

Hugs & hearts, Susan McCord (aka Dear Sybersue)

Are You Constantly Feeling Insecure in Your Relationship?

Are You Constantly Feeling Insecure in Your Relationship?

In this weekly video upload Dear Sybersue discusses: Are You Constantly Feeling Insecure in Your Relationship?

This is a common problem with many couples in their partnerships but shouldn’t be a problem long term! We all go through stuff in our lives that can leave us feeling less than adequate about who we are.

This affects both men and women because self-esteem issues play havoc with all of us during certain stages of our lives. Working on ourselves is an ongoing process because we don’t stop evolving.

This is a good thing!

This is something we need to share with our partner so we can help each other through those tough times and not let them fester so that it becomes an ongoing insecurity.

pexels-photo-48566On the other side of the coin, if your partner is trying to make you jealous, talking down to you or squashing your accomplishments you will need to re-think your relationship with them.

Why are you with them and what is keeping you there?

A partnership is supposed to be a reciprocated loving and safe place, not somewhere that constantly makes you question yourself.

What do you think, have you dealt with this scenario in your past? Please leave your comments below this post. 🙂 

Susan McCord  @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Advice Column & Blogs

Anon amous

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Hi There,

Yes, it is true that it is totally up to us who we allow in our lives and our feelings are our own responsibility. This is why I said you should never feel uncomfortable with your partner.

Some people can be manipulative or verbally abusive which can creep up slowly in a relationship but if you pay close attention in the early stages of a new romance there are usually signs showing who they really are.

Having a reciprocated respect for each other is so important to keep a partnership healthy. I like the fact that you and your wife understand the work involved in maintaining a strong relationship.

Thanks for writing and adding your input. ❤ Dear Sybersue

Must-Read Tips for Any Couple Moving Abroad

Must-Read Tips for Any Couple Moving Abroad

They say that everyone should move abroad at least once in their life and it is not difficult to see why. You get the chance to experience an entirely new country, live the high life, enjoy some sunshine (depending on where you go, of course), and create some amazing memories.

However, there is no denying that it can be a roller-coaster journey. There are going to be some ups and downs and your relationship is going to go through some tests along the way.  With that being said, read on to discover some amazing tips for couples that are moving abroad.

Don’t make a strict timeline 

Most people like to have a timeline when they make the decision to move abroad. For example; they want to have a job within ‘x’ months, they want to return back to their home country by ‘x’ date and so on.

Not everything goes to plan and you need to be prepared for the unexpected, so it is better not to have such a strict timeline and go with what feels right and embrace the journey. Putting a timeline on your new life only creates more stress and pressure.

Discuss your goals

It is important to discuss your goals before you move overseas. Why did you decide to move? It will be a question you will be asked in job interviews, by your partner and also by protective family and friends. It is vital to discuss your precise expectations and goals of those dreams, and to be on the same page in your relationship when making such a big decision.

Learn the language together

It is always a good idea to learn the local language when moving to a new place. At the very least you should learn common everyday phrases before you even get on the plane.

Once you arrive it is a smart idea to take language classes with your partner. The locals will respect you immensely for trying to immerse in their way of living, no matter how broken your dialect is. 

Spend time apart 

Spending time apart in any relationship is healthy but it can be incredibly difficult when you are moving to place where you only know each other.  It is important to take time to yourself so you have a break from depending solely on each other.  Go for a run/walk or take a few hours to go shopping and explore the city.

You will both need to make an effort to meet some new friends. This can be challenging especially when there is a language barrier. Nevertheless, there tends to be large expat communities in most international cities so this should make life a lot easier.

Join a forum where you will be able to talk to people that were once in your position. You may make some new friends from this and at the very least you will gain some valuable advice that is going to make your move a lot easier.

Get help when needed

 There are so many different things you will need to do when moving abroad and you can often feel like you are drowning in your to-do list. This is why it is a good idea to enlist help when needed.

This could be anything from hiring a migration agent to assist with your visa, to asking some of your friends and family members to help with packing up your belongings. This will ease the pressure you’re both dealing with and give you some peace of mind that everything will be done on time. 

Don’t lose the romance in your partnership

It can be easy for the romance to dwindle away when there are so many other pressures that come with a big move! Romance can often take a backseat on the priority list; especially when you are trying to budget. However, it is important to keep the romance alive and to have regular date nights to keep your love flourishing.

Communicate with each other 

It is so important to be vocal with your partner when you move abroad. The worst thing you can do is keep things bottled up until you end up exploding in frustration. You need to listen and hear each other concerns.

Don’t expect to adapt perfectly right away

You need to be prepared for a few hurdles along the way. Some people assume that everything is going to go perfectly. You are moving to a new destination with so many amazing things to offer from sunshine to a more luxurious lifestyle.

What could possibly go wrong?

When you have this unrealistic  attitude, any type of pressure can hit you twice as hard. Adapting to a new environment isn’t easy for many people. After all, you are going to be embracing any entirely new way of life and you are doing this without the support of your friends and family nearby. Understanding and accepting this will help you both adjust to your new home.

Understand each other’s differences 

When moving abroad, you need to understand that you and your partner are different people and because of this, you may have completely opposite experiences with how things unfold early on. It is important to respect that your partner is not always going to be feeling the same way as you about the experience and honor that.

Have patience 

Having patience is one of the most important tips when moving abroad.  Not only do you need to have patience with each other (because you may view this  journey differently) but you also need to give some time to adjust to your new surroundings. 

Many people move abroad and when everything does not fall into place immediately, they decide to pack their bags and go home. Don’t give in this easily because you are homesick.

You should also avoid going back home for a holiday too quickly.  This will only make the move more difficult. Wait until you are settled and content before taking a journey home. Why not ask your family members to visit you instead?

Living out of a suitcase is not going to be easy

When you move to a new country you may only have as many belongings as you can carry in the early stages. This can be very frustrating not having all the comforts you are used to. This can be very hard for some people and for others it is a great adventure and does not bother them at all.

Immerse yourself into the culture 

It is all about immersing yourself in the culture when trying to adjust to a new environment. You should get out there and mingle with the locals. Enjoy the local delicacies and embrace their way of life. Be mindful  and respectful of their customs. This will make your transition into their way of life much easier.

Set aside some extra money 

Finances can be a strain on any relationship and this is definitely the case when moving abroad. Some people are shocked by how financially tough moving to a new destination can be. Be prepared by setting a budget ahead of time and put some money away so that you have a buffer for any unexpected financial situations that may arise.

Learn how to cope  with missing family and friends 

Last but not least, dealing with family and friends back home is one of the most difficult parts of moving to another country. You are leaving your loved ones behind and they  can feel the loss even more than you do. Be gentle and honest with them by explaining this decision to move and ask for their support.

Hopefully you now feel more prepared for the journey that is ahead of you. It is important to stick together and help each other through this difficult journey. Stay connected and talk to each other often to combat the initial loneliness you may all feel. 

Preparing yourself with all of these tips mentioned above will give you and your partner the greatest chance of moving abroad successfully. It is never easy to uproot your life to a completely new city where you know very few people, but with every new adventure you learn so much about life and the diverse experiences it has to offer.

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Susan McCord  @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

 

Are You Way Too Judgmental about People When Out Dating?

Are You Way Too Judgmental about People When Out Dating?

Dear Sybersue’s weekly video upload is a discussion on people who are being too judgmental, especially when out on a date!

Both men and women are quick to complain about how hard it is to date in the millennium but continue to make harsh judgment calls very early on when meeting someone new.

We all have special traits, every last one of us!

Are we trying to sabotage our own happiness because we don’t actually believe that we are worthy of having a great partnership? Is this where our high maintenance judgment comes from; out of fear?

If I blow them off first, they won’t have a chance to reject me?”

As Doctor Phil says: How is that working for you????

Or…

Is is because we are fed up with what’s not working for us right away and that we have become jaded and lazy? Are our expectations out of control?

Why don’t we put the same respect and energy into our relationships that we do for our careers?  As I have said many in many past articles; meeting a life partner is like a full time job!  It takes work and perseverance.

But isn’t it worth it?

I talked to so many men and women on my advice column this past year that just don’t have the patience to date. They give themselves a 2 month window when they go online (or use dating apps) and then when they don’t meet someone right away, they give up!

There’s no one out there, I can’t be bothered wasting my time on this.”

If it’s too easy, too quickly, it usually fizzles just as fast anyway! How long does it take to go to University and get a degree? Many of us seem to have the patience for that! Love and careers are both important in everyone’s life but we often tend to forget that, which makes our priorities out of wack!

They both need your attention!

Who are we becoming and where do we get off looking at someone on Tinder for 20 secs and swipe left because “yech they are sooooooo not our type!” When did we get so shallow?

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If something isn’t working for you it is time to really look at why it isn’t. You are the one in charge of your life decisions so it is YOU that has the authority to make changes that will enhance your love-life.

How Do I Do That?

  1. Start saying positive things about people every day.
  2. The minute you hear pessimism in your voice; stop and alter the direction of your thinking. It won’t be easy at first because you will have to deprogram your mindset to a different frequency.
  3. You want people to give you a chance and you don’t want them to judge you harshly when they first meet you right? Remember this, the next time you engage in a conversation with someone and see how quickly things become optimistic in your life.
  4. Good energy attracts like minded energy! It is so much better being around happy people which is contagious. It can only get better from there.
  5. Remove yourself from judgmental people. “Misery loves company!” The more you put yourself into negative situations the more you will keep attracting them into your life.
  6. Take time out every day to be grateful for something in your world. Say it out loud as you are getting ready for work or going out for the evening. The more gracious you are about your life, the less time you will have to dwell on what doesn’t make you happy.
  7. Hire a Dating/Relationship Coach for a few sessions. They can help you with your self-esteem and what you may not be seeing within yourself. Usually when we are too critical about others it is really because we are also critical of ourselves.

What do you think? Have you been in this judgmental place and how did you handle it?  Please leave your comments below this post, I would love to hear what you have to say! ❤

Questions for Sybersue? Download the free app and text her 24/7 at http://www.instantgo.com/dearsybersue

Susan McCord aka Dear Sybersue

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Is Getting Married The Only Way To Cement A Relationship?

Is Getting Married The Only Way To Cement A Relationship?

If you’ve been living with your partner for the past few years and you both feel like now is the right time to cement your relationship, you might feel like you have no choice but to get married. It’s the next step!

When you return home to your parents to tell them that you’re getting married to the one person that you love most on the planet, something might not feel quite right when you actually say it out loud.

You may not want a big church wedding, walking down the aisle with numerous pairs of eyes on you, a lavish affair or a full-blown sit-down reception. Regardless of what your  wedding plans may entail, your parents might be pleased to see you settling down!

Is a wedding the only way to show your commitment to your one and only? Take a look at how a wedding could fit into your life plan while at the same time showing some of the alternatives.

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Laid Back

Some people simply hate the idea of having to plan every minute detail of this special day that they should be enjoying. Weddings don’t have to be like an army drill; they can be relaxed and laid-back affairs.

To make things less stressful you could surrender all of the planning to a professional who can take care of everything and the finer details. You could let them know of any color scheme that you might desire, the sort of transport you might like and what type of venue you’d like to share your vows in.

If you decide that you want to relinquish most of  the organizing and responsibility simply tell the wedding planner your budget and let them get on with organizing your big day!

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Catering

A wedding doesn’t have to consist of the formal sit down wedding breakfast complete with four food courses, an amuse bouche and champagne. This might not fit in with your ethos or personality at all.

You might prefer a meal at your favorite haunt, a takeaway from the restaurant where you had your first date, a casual party with family and friends at home, or you might be happier with a buffet or a dinner creation cooked by your own fair hands.

Not everyone is into the formal concept of a wedding and they want to celebrate their commitment but not in a way that makes them legally bound.

Instead you could throw a commitment party or a unity ceremony. You can still say your vows to one another and it can look to all intents and purposes like a wedding but it won’t be under the eyes of the law and you can still have whatever catering you feel like afterwards.

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Personal Touch

When it comes to the wedding reception this is a great excuse to have a party, regardless of the how traditional or non-traditional your venue is. You and your partner want to celebrate your love!

You could opt for a disco or DJ style, hire the services of a tribute band who plays only the finest soul or soft rock classics or you could whip out your iPod and go DIY with your own music choice of entertainment.

The excellent thing about a wedding soiree is that everything is planned with love and comes from the heart. Making and designing things yourself adds a very personal touch.

You could even make your own DIY wedding invitations; you don’t  necessarrily need a  printing firm to create the invites to your nuptials. You want them to be personal, meaningful and anything but generic, so add your own design ideas and personalize it to show who you are as a couple.

The notion that your wedding reception has to be in a hotel or function room post-church ceremony is super traditional and doesn’t reflect everyone’s modern values. Some people are not religious and choose to forego this type of ritual and choose the casualness of getting married in a civil ceremony. 

If you feel uncomfortable making vows in the eyes of God, then you can both choose not to do so. This is your special day so you and your partner should be able to decide the way in which you celebrate your commitment to each other.

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Keeping It In The Family

It can be hard to break the family tradition and opt for an alternative celebration if your mother has been aching to see you get formally married since you were a newborn. Parents all want the best for their children but it isn’t always a mutual desire for everyone involved. You have to do what’s right for you and your partner. 

Explain to your family why you won’t be having a traditional wedding and why you are opting for an alternative event. Once they see just how committed you are to your soulmate and how much you love each other, they will be happy to share your special day whatever form it takes. 

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Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Dealing With Anxiety In a Relationship: How Can You Help Your Partner?

Dealing With Anxiety In a Relationship: How Can You Help Your Partner?

Ill mental health can consume a person entirely and it can be hard for someone who loves them to stand by watching, feeling completely helpless and not knowing how to help.

This has been known to cause a few relationship problems if one partner can’t open up fully to the other one, or a partner doesn’t make an effort to understand what ill mental health may feel like for the other person and why they are acting a certain way.                         affection, blur, close-up                      

It can be extremely frustrating to always be arguing over something neither of you can control or to constantly feel useless when you can see your partner is going through emotional torment. Here are some tips on how you can help and understand the appropriate etiquette for when your partner is having a low or anxiety-filled day.

Be Patient

The most important thing no matter what the circumstances is to remain patient. Anxiety attacks, low days, and all the baggage that accompanies ill mental health is never going to show up at a convenient time.

Even if you are running late, need to get to sleep or are in the middle of a busy shopping center, your partner will need time to recover and maybe even need to remove themselves from the situation completely.

It is important not to get frustrated and remember the best thing for your partner is to be supportive and do exactly what they ask to help them to feel better. This may not be the same every time.

Ask About Their Therapy

If your partner is currently going through anxiety counselling or talking to a therapist to find the root cause of why they are feeling the way they are, talk to them about their sessions.

Of course there may be some sensitive information they want to keep between themselves and their counselor but any information you can obtain on what to do to help while they are having an attack, will help you to feel a more equipped when these events occur. 

Be Present And Adaptable

Some days your partner may appreciate you being there and looking after them and  other days they may just want to be left alone. Depression can make a person feel extremely guilty. Your partner may try pushing you away as they do not want to bring you down.

It’s a good idea to reassure them that you are there for them no matter what and to listen to what they say and how they feel. Don’t be offended if your partner just wants to be by them self. They may be feeling extremely fatigued or just can’t handle social interaction that particular day.

However even when they want to be alone, knowing that you are nearby can be very comforting for them. Especially if ill mental health puts your partner in a vulnerable position they may need you if they suddenly have an anxiety attack or have any harmful thoughts.

If either you or your partner need to talk to someone at anytime of the day you can call The Samaritans, who will be able to connect you with a professional to talk to.   

No one is the same when it comes to ill mental health and everyone will deal with it in their own individual way. If your partner has opened up about their struggles and can  be themselves in front of you – without the mask that so many wear to hide mental health problems – they trust you and care deeply for you.

All you can do is try your best to help them and pick up strategies through experience of how best to help them. Talk to them, be open and patient.

Eventually, things will start to fall into a natural rhythm and you’ll be keyed in enough to intuitively understand how your partner is feeling.  

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Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show