Relationship Advice for Men: Why Do I Keep Going Back to my Ex?

Relationship Advice for Men: Why Do I Keep Going Back to my Ex?

In today’s weekly video Dear Sybersue answers Brian’s question:

Dear Sybersue,

“Why do I keep going back to my ex? We have one good month and then 5 or 6 bad months together. We break up but then she starts to contact me again  and I go back for more. She lets me back in as if nothing has happened!

It’s like some kind of back and forth game! The problem is I actually really do miss her after awhile and let her talk me into giving our relationship another chance. This has happened 4 times already!

I compromise trying to make things work but she doesn’t reciprocate so then I get fed up again and leave. What is going on and why can’t I just walk away for good? I feel like a pushover!”

Thanks Sybersue, Brian

Please watch the video above to see what Sybersue has to say to Brian and other people who may be in a similar situation. It is not easy to leave a relationship when you have a history together and we all want to be optimists and hang onto the good parts of what we had.

When a partnership starts to become filled with unhealthy drama then it is time to really assess your reasons for staying.

Questions for Sybersue? Download the free app and text Dear Sybersue 24/7 at http://www.instantgo.com/dearsybersue

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How Do I Prevent Losing My Independence in Another Relationship?

How Do I Prevent Losing My Independence in Another Relationship?

Dear Sybersue, 

Why do I keep getting myself into relationships where I lose myself in the process? Why do I end up being there for everything that concerns my partner’s needs while I put myself on the back burner?

This isn’t the first time I have done this and eventually the relationship ends which I assume is due to me being a doormat.  Why can’t I seem to respect myself enough to push my own needs ahead of my partner once in awhile?

Thanks for any advice you have!

Carrie

Hi Carrie,

Thanks so much for your question. There are many other men and women that would like to know the answer to this as well.

Some people are givers and some people are takers and we all know what category you fall into. This is not a bad thing and it just needs to be “tweeked a little” so that your relationship isn’t one sided all the time.

A partner should be an extension of who you are not take away from the person you are.

A great relationship is one where you are both there for each other but you still have your own dreams, goals and separate interests. Of course you should always have each other’s back and support them, but never give up who you are as person for someone else.

Think about this; would you want your partner attached to your hip at every given moment?

After awhile that would get very old and you would start to feel smothered. It is wonderful to have their respect and know that they love you “that much,” but there still needs to be some breathing room in your relationship.

(This also could be a codependent issue where you may need to talk to a therapist about some past issues you may not be aware of or have pushed aside.)

Carrie, you need to get busy with your own life and stop focusing on him so much. Your partner will be much more attracted to you when you are enjoying yourself and adding some diversity to you as a couple.

You will have new things to talk about and to share with each other. It’s not all about just one person and if they are happy or not.

You need to be happy too!

Start making plans to get out a few times a week with friends or take a course that interests you. Mark dates on the calendar so that it forces you to commit to something outside your house that doesn’t involve your partner.

You will notice an improvement in your home life after a short time because it will “center you” and put a new spring in your step because you are doing something worthwhile for you!

Hallelujah!

Your partner will enjoy seeing this side of you and it will slowly start to change the dynamics of who you are as a couple. This is a good thing because you are now in a reciprocated relationship where you “both” have interesting things to talk about.

Please watch the video above and let me know how things go in the next while.

Sybersue ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Collaborative Post: Keeping Things Equal In A Relationship

Close-up of Couple Holding Hands

Plenty of people have trouble keeping things equal in their relationship from level of control to decision-making. Often, the partner that is naturally more powerful begins to take over all the decisions and, consciously or subconsciously starts to exert control. This is never going to be a healthy situation, and it can lead to one person in the relationship feeling completely helpless and pushed down. That doesn’t always mean that there are issues like abuse or manipulation but even the scales shifting slightly in one direction can lead to trouble. So, how do you keep things equal?

Encourage Give And Take

People often look at relationships where turns are taken from choosing where to go on holiday to choosing what to watch on TV that night as rather silly. But actually, this is quite a healthy situation to be in where each partner is happy to give and take so that both can get what they need. You might think that you can just make these decisions together, but that’s not always possible because opposites to tend to attract. This means that what you want to do one evening might be nothing like what your partner wants. So, the best way to fix this is with a little schedule of some sort.

Relationships tend to break down when one partner begins to make all the decisions. Suddenly, one of the two people will feel as though they are not living their own life, but rather a role in someone else’s story.

Sharing Choices

Of course, in some cases, it will be possible to make decisions together, and this can begin and the start of the relationship. For instance, you might decide what restaurant to eat at on your first date together, rather than one person setting up the night for the other. Later on, it could be present in the choice of engagement ring. You might decide to choose it together, despite traditionally this being a gift from one person to the other. According to http://yourdiamondguru.com/reviews/ritani-review/, there are great options if you do decide you want to choose the engagement ring together. This sharing of power keeps things equal even in a situation where it is predominantly, one person’s decision.

If you find that you aren’t naturally finding yourself in situations where you can share choices, it again suggests one person has more control over the other. This will lead to animosity and usually the person being controlled will begin to push away, perhaps exploring alternative partnerships.

Discussions Are A Positive

You might think that if you find yourself constantly disagreeing with your partner, it’s a sign that your relationship is unhealthy. But that’s not true because as we’ve already mentioned, opposites tend to go together. You can read more about choosing a partner on http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lena-aburdene-derhally/. The true defining point of the relationship is seeing how far those discussions go. If they evolve into fully heated screaming matches, there’s an issue. But debating points of view and then accepting differences in opinion is a sign that things are healthy.

One thing you shouldn’t do is avoid talking about sensitive topics. This is just going to cover up a potential issue. Eventually, you’ll find that by avoiding these types of topics, you will reach a boiling point and a serious argument will erupt seemingly from nowhere. Of course, this is due to the fact that all the little issues that aren’t being talked about are bubbling underneath the service.

Small Gestures Matter

As people always say, the devil is in the little details, and it’s the small gestures that matter most when it comes down to it. This could be anything from helping bring in the shopping to doing the washing up together, rather than leaving it to one person. Little gestures like this are the foundation of a firm relationship where each partner feels equal to the other.

If one partner is constantly putting in all the effort, the relationship isn’t healthy. They might again, begin to look to other people to provide the level of comfort and support that their partner should provide.

We hope this helps shed some light on how to keep things equal in a relationship and why not doing so could ultimately lead to your partnership breaking apart.

Man and Woman Boat Rowing in Sea during Golden Hour

 

How Do I Change up My Relationship Drama Patterns?

How Do I Change up My Relationship Drama Patterns?

In today’s video Dear Sybersue discusses relationship patterns that aren’t working for many people.

  • Is there too much drama in all of your partnerships?
  • Are you attracting the same types over and over again and not understanding that there is a problem and that you just go onto the next person without too much thought?
  • Are you continually wondering why you are single once again?
  • Have your past relationships been one sided in many aspects of the partnership?
  • Is it a constant struggle to communicate or to be understood in most of your relationships?

If your partnerships are always ending in the same manner, you have a repetitive problem that isn’t being addressed.  Could it be that maybe you are a little stubborn and in denial about the part you play in your relationships?

The old cliche that it takes two people to be in a great relationship still holds true today, so once you take a good hard look at yourself and analyse your actions, you will start to see a destructive pattern.

We spend so much time going after what is on the “top” of our high maintenance checklist that we overlook the fundamentals of what makes the foundation of a strong and loving relationship! We get lost in the trivial and superficial traits that we think are important!

The good news is; it can be fixed! 

It’s time to investigate why you are choosing the wrong people. You need to revise your priorities and step away from that quick sand that you keep having to dig yourself out of.  Relationships shouldn’t have to be a constant struggle, nor should you have to give up “who you are” to be in one.

When a relationship is right, it flows and you work side by side to keep the communication lines open. It is not a drama filled scenario, it is a loving and safe place to be. ❤

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Is It Time for a Dating Attitude Makeover?

Is It Time for a Dating Attitude Makeover?

Are you really sick and tired of dating right now? Are things constantly not working out for you and pissing you off big time?

Are you in the mind frame of giving up on dating because there isn’t anyone out there that interests you? Do you have a hard time getting past the first date or even meeting someone to date?

I am sorry to have to say this but it is definitely time for you to have a “dating attitude” makeover!

There is something that you are doing that is not allowing you to have a loving partnership and it is time to get to the root of the problem. Negativity attracts more negativity so if you are constantly complaining about what isn’t working for you all the time, you will not attract what you really want.

Whether you believe that statement or not, it is the truth and is proven over and over again in all aspects of life.

It’s time to look on the bright side and remove those repetitive dark images that you have allowed to crowd your everyday thinking.

Even if you aren’t saying these things “out loud” you are thinking them on a regular basis. When you keep going back to those deflated thoughts, “There is no one out there for me,” “Dating sucks!” you will begin to truly believe and convince yourself of the truth in this statement.

This also goes for all of you who have given up on finding love and are cocooning at home saying, “What is the point?” You are still surrounding yourself in a defeatist attitude even if you aren’t talking openly about it to anyone.

But for those of you who are getting out of the house and making an effort to meet someone be careful not to surround yourself with people who also have a negative vision of dating. If your friends are becoming a “misery loves company” scenario, you need to change that up fast. Hang out with happy people, it’s contagious!

There is someone for everyone, so stop sabotaging your own happiness because of things that haven’t worked out for you in the love department. You are in charge! Fix it!

If you go out for the evening with a pleasant attitude and you are fun to be around, you will shine a light that people will be naturally attracted towards. This is not spiritual hoopla it is a fact.

You are lovable and desirable as is everyone on this beautiful planet we live on. When your heart and mind are ready to receive that special person into your life, it will happen. You just have to deprogram those negative inner voice demons that keep haunting you.

Being aware of what’s not working and that something needs to change within yourself, is half of the battle.

Attitude is everything and will make or break all your walks of life. Please watch the video above to see how you can improve what may not be working right now and learn how you can start to improve it tomorrow.

Susan McCord

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Relationship Advice: Can We Truly Love Two People at the Same Time?

Are you in love with two people

Is it truly possible to be “in love” with two people at the same time?

Many people will say that if you truly had powerful feelings of love for one person then you couldn’t possibly share those same feelings with another.

What do you think?

They argue that it means you must not have “truly loved” your partner to be so easily taken away and that there must be some major problems in your relationship to make you tempted to go there.

Do you agree with this?

We are all true romantics at heart & want to believe that when we tie the knot or totally commit with someone, we will always love that person and everything will be great.

It is a huge commitment to give yourself to someone for a lifetime and knowing that it could be taken away at any given moment is the main reason so many people are insecure in relationships.

Can we really love two people or is it just a lustful encounter we are craving?

Aren’t there many different types of love?

By loving our children & our partner, we are sharing our love with others. Is the love we have for our kids very different from “relationship love.” Not always. Would you not die for them? Sacrifice things in your own personal life for them? Give them a kidney? Would you not do that for your partner as well?

The one difference is you have sex, intimacy & romantic feelings for your partner but the biggest difference is; we love our children unconditionally but we have way more expectations from our partners!

We can Learn a Lot about Love From Our Children:

  • How to be selfless & put someone else first.
  • To be compassionate about others.
  • How to be patient.
  • How to lighten up on expectations & conditions.

When you are drawn to someone else while you are already in a relationship, you are attracted to them usually due to something that is missing within your partnership.

This is not always a known detriment to your present relationship but it may be something you didn’t even know about yourself that was important or missing.  All of a sudden you feel alive by what this other person is bringing into your world.

Nothing is easy about this situation especially when you fall in love with them. It doesn’t often work out and many people end up alone when venturing into this type of scenario. (More often than not, the one that leaves their relationship for another person, is the one who ends up getting dumped down the road.)

The trust is never really there when you cheat in your relationship. Quite ironic, isn’t it? It’s all wonderful until you decide to be exclusive with that “new tempting love,”and then you spend all your time wondering if they are going to do the same thing to you with another person.

Are we starting to remove ourselves from long monogamous relationships of the past? Is it the forbidden fruit that makes us wander, or are we just plain bored being with the same person for years?

Being torn between two lovers is happening more today, due to this monotony & social networking availability. Back in the day of our parents, it was expected to only be married once and celebrating a 40 year Anniversary was the norm. (They also married at a much younger age as well.)

Today both men and women have careers and the chances of meeting someone whom you may be attracted to is much more available, which adds to even more temptation outside the marital home. This is all the more reason people who are in a committed partnership should never become complacent.

Taking your partner for granted in any relationship may invite a change that you are not prepared for. When the chemistry is overpowering between two people, it is “not” easy to side step away from those powerful pheromones. It’s like the bakery in your neighborhood that teases you with that freshly baked bread scent; eventually temptation will lure you into the shop.

It is possible to fall for your pool boy & your husband at the same time but it may be for totally different reasons. It could start out as an unbelievable infatuation that goes beyond anything you have had before. It could be purely sexual, or emotional.

Having an emotional chemistry is what many women are missing in their long term relationship. They need that connection before they can have romantic sex with someone & men need a regular sexual connection to keep their relationship alive.

Everyone has similar relationship issues after the initial euphoric passion wears off  but it is how we nurture the foundation as a couple that will keep us from hopping from one relationship to the next.

Sometimes a person comes into our life to help us realize it is time to move on & occasionally it helps us to see what a powerful love we are blessed with at home. Whatever the scenario, be honest with yourself & your partner on what you need in your life, don’t let them be the last to know or hear it from someone else.

Always put yourself in their shoes & how you would feel. Make sure it’s worth it if you decide to take the plunge into these tempting waters.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

 

 

 

Have you Been Cheated on in Many of Your Relationships?

Have you Been Cheated on in Many of Your Relationships?

Dear Sybersue is an Informative and very REAL dating and relationship advice columnist for men & women of all Ages!

In today’s video I discuss the topic: “Have you been cheated on in many of your relationships?” “Why does it keep happening?” This can be very hurtful and leave you feeling unworthy and very deflated.

Each scenario compounds a deep sadness into your soul.

There is something going on that makes you choose this same type of partnership which needs to addressed. We choose who we allow into our lives and if the pattern is disturbingly repetitive, you need to get some answers!

Your self esteem plays a big part in who you end up with in a relationship. When you’re not comfortable with who you are as a person it can become a big problem with many choices or decisions you make in any part of your life.

Learning how to build your self confidence is a big necessity when it comes to removing damaging patterns that you can’t seem to let go of.

If drama seems to continually follow you in your love-life; it is time to seek some outside coaching or counseling. It is not healthy to live this way because it is all you know and is familiar to you!

This is not a “good” familiar it is an “unhealthy” familiar. Just because you are used to feeling a certain way doesn’t make it the right way.  Love isn’t painful and it certainly doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice who you are to be in a partnership. 

A reciprocated love is the only way a partnership really works in a long term commitment. There is equal respect for each other and you are each other’s priority. You know in your heart whether someone is really there for you so don’t pretend or make excuses for someone just so you can be in a relationship.

Your morals and values are a big part of who you are, don’t put them on the back burner and ignore them. They are your guide to having all things positive in your life. ❤

* Susan loves to hear from her viewers & often answers their relationship and dating questions on her show as a topic choice. Please leave your comments below the video!

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