Dear Sybersue advice column

Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?
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Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?

What is wrong with me and why do I keep repeating these same dating patterns?

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Social media and computer dating is becoming the norm with how people interact these days. Mingle meet up groups are trying to make a comeback but people still seem to be stuck to their smart phones rather than being open to meeting in person!

People are lonelier than ever because of how some of these dating websites seem to attract superficial men and women who are just out to play games.

There are some happy endings that eventually transpire but why are there so many more stories that don’t work out?  Why do some people keep enticing a certain negative “type” into their existence,  which continually puts them back out into the dating pool?

If you have met a lot of these unfavorable types, you are doing something to attract them towards you.

Regardless of whether you believe in “The Law of Attraction” there is something to it. Negativity attracts negativity.  Everyone is entitled to finding love, but if you are always repeating the same unfulfilling scenario, how is it beneficial in the long run?

There are many women who only meet “Bad Boys” because they are allowing them to keep coming into their life. For some reason they think it is exciting to be treated like crap.

There are also men that only meet pretentious, materialistic hot women, because they are choosing “her looks” as the top priority.  The end result is both sexes are constantly complaining about each other!

Going for the same brand of person which keeps backfiring into a non-existent love life takes years for some people to figure out. “Changing the pattern will change who you meet.” As simple as that sounds it seems to be the biggest mistake men and women repeatedly make.

Why is that?

Many people react out of anger when something happens that is repetitive and unrewarding in their life. This annoying cycle continues because they don’t understand that they are in denial of their own actions!

When a person becomes jaded or angry about the same thing over and over again, wouldn’t it make sense to investigate why it is affecting them to that level?

I see it all the time on the comment section under some YouTube videos.  So many men and women continually vent their frustrations about the same subject, rather than learning how to deal with why it bothers them so much.

This is especially true regarding both sexes in the dating market. If something isn’t working, isn’t it a good idea to fix it rather than bitching about it to anyone who will listen?

No one wants to hear it except for a few others who are also angry about the same thing.  Misery loves company and saying that, I rest my case…negativity attracts more negativity.

Is it really easier to constantly complain about some things that cause drama in your life than to find a solution that betters your world?

We are all guilty of sounding like a broken record at some point in our lives but the people who quickly understand how dangerously repetitive this is, are the ones who move on to find happiness.

If your love-life sucks, be honest about the part you play in it.

I can’t stress enough that we are all in charge of how our lives evolve and that ultimately the choices we make are ours. Yes, we all land in the school of hard knocks while finding out who we are, but the sooner we learn and own the lesson, the faster we move on to a healthier foundation.

So stop repeating the same old story and quit talking about what you don’t want in your life. Talk about a future relationship like you won a lottery!  Think about all those wonderful things you would be able to do and how positive you would feel with less stress and more love in your life.

Thinking happy thoughts and keeping hope alive helps put out positive vibrations that eventually boomerang back towards you.

There is enough love out there for everyone and you deserve it just as much as anyone else does. You don’t ever have to settle for an unhealthy situation so quit allowing yourself to choose them. ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show

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My Partner Gives Me The Silent Treatment Every Time We Argue
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My Partner Gives Me The Silent Treatment Every Time We Argue

In the video above Dear Sybersue discusses the topic: Why Does My Partner Give Me The Silent Treatment After We Argue?

Is this any way to have a relationship where you are always having to walk on eggshells because your partner doesn’t know how to or want to communicate, and just shuts down?

Are you now afraid to have an opinion for fear of them closing off to you once again?

Your partner needs to figure out why they treat you in this controlling manner and you need to have some boundaries in what you allow in your relationships and all aspects of your life.

Communication is the number 1 priority of any relationship and if there is a problem with how you converse with each other, it will only cause further breakdown in the partnership. Who wants to come home to confrontation or even worse; a cold shoulder for days on end.

Just because they don’t like or agree with something you say is no excuse to punish you with this repetitive silent treatment. It’s time to get to the bottom of it, or move on from the partnership before it takes a permanent toll on your self esteem.

Your relationship needs to be on a loving and reciprocated path where you have nothing but respect for each other and there are no push/pull emotional games!

Sybersue Loves to hear from you & will always take time to answer you back. Please leave your comments below!

Susan McCord aka Dear Sybersue xo ❤

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My 35 Year Old Boyfriend Parties Constantly! Will he Ever Grow up?
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My 35 Year Old Boyfriend Parties Constantly! Will he Ever Grow up?

Dear Sybersue answers Christian’s question:

Dear Sybersue,

My 35 year old boyfriend parties constantly!  We have been together for 2 years and it’s always been one big non-stop booze fest. He either has the guys over 4 nights a week, goes to their houses or we have to attend another party somewhere for someone’s birthday or an event that seems to happen for any basic occasion.

I am 33 years old and ready to start planning my future in a responsible way.

I am so tired of all the booze fed evenings that resemble the reality TV show Vanderpump Rules! There is an endless amount of  shooters that always end in a drama filled late night!

The next day involves a major hang over, infused with one Hell of a lot of memory loss and eating junk food until the same type of evening starts all over again

My boyfriend knows how much this bothers me but he always says that “We only live once and we are still young and should enjoy it now.” “We can save money later!”

To avoid another argument with him, I have started to make excuses why I can’t attend these drunken nights anymore but it is difficult because I really do love him. He thinks I am being way too serious and that we have plenty of time to be responsible.

We both have great jobs that we love, but how long is he going to be able to hold on to his when he shows up at work smelling like a tequila shooter or brewery? He has started to call in sick more often and shows up late constantly because he’s so tired from partying until 2 am on a weeknight!

Writing all this down I can see how bad things have become in our relationship and I know what I probably should do.  Is there any hope for us at all?

What would you do Sybersue?

Christian P.

Dear Christian,

Well you are right that it sounds like a Vanderpump Rules episode! I can see why you are so frustrated because it seems to be the normal way of life for so many people in their 20’s and 30’s today!

I have no idea why they would be allowed to glorify these drunk fests on a TV show! Ratings I guess…

Glorified or not, it’s not OK to party this much and still have a healthy lifestyle or LIVER! 

You are right about the drama that arises from these evenings as the excessive alcohol brings out the clawed cat in many of us. The more someone drinks the more they can handle, which then turns into an addiction that needs to be fed.

Let’s not forget to mention how much money is spent on these nights out! I am always hearing how millennials complain they will never own a house and they’ve got that right!  If their priorities are in party mode,  we know how much bottle service and fancy restaurants cost!

It is not unusual for many young people to have $300+ nights every time they step out for the evening. How could you possibly save any money for a house?

You are right to be concerned about your future with him Christian because at 35 years old he should already have been putting money away as an investment. You said you love him but are you sure it’s enough? It doesn’t sound like you do much together except go to expensive social events, so how will that help your relationship grow in the future?

You need to have the big talk with him and not just pull away doing your own thing while he continues on this destructive path. It’s time to put on those big girl panties and do what’s right for you. Tell him what is important to you and if he is willing to change things up and prioritize his future with you and his finances, then maybe you can salvage your partnership.

If he can’t compromise in the next month with his partying ways then you will have no choice but to move on in a different direction.

You can’t make someone change, but you can offer a solution that could help him see that what he is doing is a dead end scenario. It’s up to him how he handles it and to show you how important you are to him.

You have invested 2 years into this relationship and that is enough time to see if there is a healthy future with him. If he is doesn’t want to alter his present lifestyle and is happy  with the life he is living, then you know there isn’t room in his heart to give you what you want anymore.  His priorities aren’t you.

Sybersue ❤

Please watch the video at the top of this post! Sybersue Loves to hear from you & will always take time to answer you back.  Please leave your comments below!

Susan McCord @

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Are You Always Afraid Your Relationships Will End?
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Are You Always Afraid Your Relationships Will End?

In the video above Dear Sybersue discusses “Are You Always Afraid Your Relationships Will End?”

Are you fearful of being in a relationship because you don’t think it will last? Is this becoming a problem due to trust issues from a difficult childhood or a past breakup that has left you feeling uneasy or insecure about relationships in general?

We’re not all built the same way emotionally and we are all a work in progress fumbling along until we get things right in our life.

Some of us learn quickly because we have loving support or mentors to help us figure things out, while others have to take the long way around trying to find the tools to guide them to the right path.

When it comes to matters of the heart  we all have vulnerable moments and even the strongest men and women feel those scars that seem to linger longer than necessary! Why is love so difficult sometimes?

Love is the universal language that everyone understands but many people don’t deal with their emotions correctly. They either bury their feelings, become possessive or react harshly when hurt and are quite confused about what love actually means to them. This causes all types of self doubt and insecurities as the years go by.

It is important after each partnership ends to take time to analyse what transpired.  

It’s OK to talk to someone professionally about what you’re feeling and what has taken hold of your emotional fears. In fact it is a great thing to do for yourself and can save you many years of heartbreak! Relationships are powerful and when they end it is another life experience that either holds you back, or helps you grow.

It is up to you which one that is; you are in charge. 

If you are feeling anxious in most of your partnerships, it is time to figure out why. It could be that you are choosing a similar type and repeating a pattern that doesn’t work.  Just because it feels familiar doesn’t mean that it is a good thing.

We ALL need a self esteem need boost at certain times and no one escapes that in a lifetime. Something needs to change so that you don’t subconsciously keep sabotaging relationship after relationship by choosing people who aren’t a good fit for you.

You should always feel safe and loved when you are with the right partner. 

I Love to hear from you & will always take time to answer you back. Please leave your comments below!

Sybersue xo ❤

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Breakup Advice: Should You Get Rid of All Reminders of Your Ex?
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Breakup Advice: Should You Get Rid of All Reminders of Your Ex?

Dear Sybersue’s weekly Wednesday video upload is a discussion on breakups and what you should keep from your past relationship.

Do you get rid of everything to do with your Ex or is it important to keep something to remind yourself of why you once loved them? Regardless of the way the relationship ended they were a part of your life for a reason; no matter how small of a reason that might have been.

We are personally in charge of who attract into our life, so whether you understand why at the time or figure it out at a later date, there is always a purpose or lesson to be learned with each person who walks on your path.

I am certainly not saying they are all happy lessons, but you needed to know something at that particular time to help you move into being an even better version of yourself! Acknowledging this will keep you centered and take you further up the ladder to your highest good.

Sybersue Loves to hear from you & will answer you back. Please watch the video above and leave your comments below or show topic ideas below this post.

Thank you ❤ sybersue

Susan McCord @The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show
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Style Lessons I Have Learnt From My Husband By STYLE-ETC
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Style Lessons I Have Learnt From My Husband By STYLE-ETC

A post by my good friend Kathy Patellis-Schmidt 

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One would not usually describe suit-clad business guys as fashionable, in actual fact a suit indeed isn’t fashion at all, but anti-fashion, but by Golly aren’t they stylish?! Having sneakily watched a few men work their wardrobes I see that I could learn a few style lessons from some of them.

So when I became one half of a couple with a man who has worked in business his whole career, I assumed I would be the one bringing all the style accolades to the table. Turns out I could learn a few tips and trick from my man. He has getting dressed down to a fine art, looking sharp wherever he is headed.

I thought I could catch him in a “got nothing to wear” moment but as I watched him work his wardrobe from Europe to Canada I realized I was jealous of his perfectly curated wardrobe, especially when I find myself always scrambling to pack for a short vacation trip or pulling something together for a dinner (yes even a stylist sometimes thinks she has nothing to wear).

Sadly, spending the last years working in the fashion industry has left me with a closet of lovely clothes and accessories, that sometimes overwhelm my confident sense of style, especially when I have to decide impromptu on going out for an important meeting or a casual lunch with a group of friends.

That is why I always say to clients; prepare and have pieces put together which you can rely on for any occasion. And the other thing is – learn a few tips from your boyfriend or husband.

Here are a few ways my well dressed husband has inspired me:

  1. Invest heavily in key pieces…. When I look at his closet, his uniform is obvious. He has got several versions of all the key pieces and accessories… pants, shirts, sweaters, jackets, boots.
  2. Don’t mess with trends, EVER…. The truth is, if you don’t like the 70s trend, or super skinny high-waisted jeans, leave them for someone else. Yes, this is easier for men, whose buying decisions are less trend driven than women, but that is a good lesson to remember. Buy what looks classically good on you. That way you will simply never go wrong
  3. Have a wardrobe for every occasion…. Just like you have your work and weekend wardrobe, invest in a few key pieces that hold up for any occasion. Black Tie, Ski weekends, or wherever else you may need to be. Especially if you expect to use these pieces a couple of times per year. It’s the last minute scramble that leaves you purchasing something you will likely never wear again.
  4. Care about construction and fabric above all else. Inspect the fabric and if it looks cheap, it does not make the cut. If I could spend the money spent at Zara, on designer clothes instead, I could have bought that black Dior jacket I always wanted by now, and I would be wearing it all the time, for many years
    Copenhagen Fashionweek SS2016
  5. When something fits perfectly…. Buy it in multiple. This fashion statute is not news. A black pant that fits like a glove does not come around often.
  6. Bespoke isn’t meant just for suits. Yes, we all know you can get shirts made but what about skirts, dresses or even jeans? If your body type is challenging in the retail space, try finding a tailor that loves to design and bring in some ideas of staples that you want them to create for you.
  7. Don’t neglect the boring stuff…. This is so important! Work clothes should all be about excellent fabrics and the perfect cut for your body type. This is what will make them work for you in the long term.
  8. Wear cool workout clothes and even make your after work lounge wear something you would be caught dead in.
  9. Invest in good quality lingerie for the sake of how it makes you feel.

Post by Kathy Patellis-Schmidt

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show

 

 

 

 

Why is my Boyfriend so Defensive? Is He Hiding Something?
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Why is my Boyfriend so Defensive? Is He Hiding Something?

Why is my Boyfriend so Defensive? Is He Hiding Something?

Dear Sybersue,

Things have changed so much in the last few months between my boyfriend and I! He seems to be angry about something but won’t open up completely with me. I am not sure whether he is internalizing a problem and trying to deal with it on his own, or whether he is slowly pulling back from our relationship??

I don’t want to keep harassing him with questions and I am hoping that this is just a moody phase that will fizzle out. His defensiveness is very disturbing as it seems to be the way he reacts to anything I ask him or even with the simplest conversations I have with him!

Is he questioning our relationship and doesn’t have patience with us as a couple anymore? How do I handle this without becoming defensive myself? We live together and I get a little anxious about coming home these days.

Thanks Sybersue

Teri 

Hi Teri,

Yes, things have definitely shifted in your partnership. He is holding onto something that has happened either to himself or within the dynamics of you as a couple. Can you think of anything that transpired a few months ago when his defensive attitude started?

Did you have a situation where the trust in your relationship was tarnished to some degree? A jealous scenario maybe? Is he having trouble at work that he may be hiding from you?

Whatever is going on with him you can’t live this way forever.

He needs to tell you what is he feeling so that you can try to fix the problem together or move on so that you can both be happy. Chalking it up to him being in a moody phase isn’t good because you are taking a back seat to the respect you deserve! You are a couple and it’s not just all about him.

Having to walk on eggshells around your partner is not a healthy environment and will play havoc on your self-esteem! 

I would ask him the tough questions that you may not have asked for fear of hearing something you don’t want to hear. Don’t live in denial!

If there has been a change of heart in your partnership, do you  really want to spend another few years with someone who has removed himself romantically and emotionally from you?

Communication is everything in a relationship and because your boyfriend has shut down, he is pushing you further away with every defensive comment. That isn’t fair to you and he needs to be honest and share what he is thinking and feeling with you as his partner.

Maybe you could suggest a counselor or coach that you could go to as a couple or he might prefer to go on his own for a few sessions first? If he has no interest in repairing or acknowledging this defensive problem, then you will have to make some tough decisions for yourself.

Don’t let someone else’s moods dictate your own happiness, you’re worth more than that. You shouldn’t have to feel anxious in your own home.

Let me know how things go Teri. Please keep me posted!

Sybersue ❤

Please watch the video above for more advice on this question.

Sybersue loves to hear from you & will always reply to your comments! Please leave your thoughts below!

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sybersue xoxo ❤

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