I Married a Mountain Man but I’m a City Girl!

I Married a Mountain Man but I’m a City Girl!

Dear Sybersue does something a little out of the box today and talks about her own relationship.

How do you make a partnership work when you both enjoy different activities? When one of you is more extroverted than the other? Opposites attract but seldom stay together; so… can you compromise as a couple?

To maintain happiness in any relationship both people in the partnership need to make a continual effort and make each other a priority. That doesn’t mean you are together 24/7 or that you put your passions on the back burner; it means that your communication with them is reciprocated and respected.

You find a healthy way to be there for each other & make time for your own needs as well.

When we give up too much of ourselves while in a committed relationship that is the beginning of a downward spiral for many couples. Resentment then starts to play a big part in your everyday existence. This is one of the main reasons some people are opposed to being in a long term commitment! They feel trapped but it doesn’t have to be that way.

You don’t have to become another breakup statistic if you are really paying attention & listening to your partner. Do you really want to live with someone exactly like you??? Wouldn’t that be boring?

You obviously don’t want to be at complete opposite ends of the spectrum but having a few interests that differ from your partner is a good thing. It’s healthy and gives you a freedom that many people lose when they become a couple.

When you grow together & keep trying new things, the diversity will be the key to a long & happy union. Embrace the differences that you both bring to the relationship! Who knows, you may try something new and actually enjoy it!

Susan McCord @ facebook/dearsybersue
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How Do I Stop Being Lonely after My Breakup without having to be in a Social Setting?

How Do I Stop Being Lonely after My Breakup without having to be in a Social Setting?

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Dear Sybersue,

I am a 38 year old attractive woman.  My husband left our 14 year marriage 9 months ago & I have tried so many things to move on but sometimes I just can’t get out of the house due to the deep sadness I feel.

I am overwhelmed with how lonely I am and very aware that I am sabotaging my happiness by being stuck in this place of isolation.  I just don’t want to be a Debbie Downer around people and I can’t fake my moods for long.

I find it easier just to be by myself and hope that this debilitating heart break goes away soon! I am so tired of crying and want to erase the vision of my husband out with all our friends and his new & much younger girlfriend!

Our relationship seemed pretty good for the most part and we had sex occasionally but I did notice we barely talked anymore & did minimal things together as a couple. One night he just looked at me across the dinner table and said “I am not happy here anymore, too much has changed.” That was it!  He packed a suitcase and left that night.

I think he must have been seeing this other woman before he left our marriage as I really don’t think he would have had the courage to leave and to be alone.  He hasn’t been single since he was 17 and is now 42 years old!

What do you suggest I do to get past the loneliness so I can also start to live a joyful life? What am I doing wrong and why are most our friends on his side? That hurts almost as much as the break up itself!!

Thanks for whatever advice you have for me Sybersue!

Lauren H.

Hi Lauren,

Thank you for your email! I had a similar question at my ladies meet up group the other evening. This is a question so many women have due to the abruptness of how their relationship ended. The “blindsiding” way it was handled is the main reason for this.

“How could he just leave with a one line statement like it’s been talked about 100 times? I had no clue!”

Many men & women do not have any idea that their partners are unhappy or planning to leave the marital home.  Sometimes it is a denial thing but more often it is due to the couple’s lack of communication & not paying attention to each other’s needs. They stop listening to each other!

Of course only you know the answer as to what went on behind closed doors and that may be something you need to delve into to gain some closure.

In the meantime you need to change your thoughts! You are consumed with what is going on in your husband’s life and it is taking over every moment of your day. This is unhealthy and keeps you in a long term form of grieving.

How to Stop Being Lonely without having to be in a Social Environment:

  1. Put away any photos or reminders of your EX in the house, on your computer or your phone.
  2. Stop talking to the friends who do not have your back or who just want to call you to gossip about your Ex.
  3. Take him off your Facebook/Social Media so you can’t see how much fun he “seems” to be having without you!
  4. Start your day by watching something funny on YouTube or your favorite social media site. Funny animal videos always help me when I am feeling down. Build up to at least an hour per day. (That’s one hour less that you think about him!)
  5. Find a regular exercise TV show that you can follow in your home. Yoga is great & is also a form of meditation where your mind is focused only on the positive. Make this a daily routine.  It will not only release your sad mindset, it will make you look good. We all know when you look good, you feel good too. ❤
  6. Write out a list of the things that “weren’t right” in your marriage. Now that you have had 9 months to look back & process your 14 years together, there must have been some red flags or things that were missing.  It’s not all about what your husband was feeling! Maybe you weren’t that happy either.
  7. Work on a project. Maybe it is a hobby that you let go of years ago or try something completely new! Learn how to write a blog, experiment with photography, cooking new recipes & sharing them on Instagram. Everything is at your fingertips on Google!
  8. Change up your home with new paint or a few pieces of furniture! Get rid of that damn bed you slept in together or at least throw out the sheets and get some new ones.
  9. Try out some new makeup & hair ideas by watching video tutorials so that when you are ready to venture back out socializing you will have a new vamped up look!
  10. Read some motivating blogs that help you deal with breakups and divorce.
  11. Take a peek at some online dating sites or local meet up groups you can join at a later date.

It takes two people to be in a relationship and usually two people to end it as well. Own your part in why things changed so much between you & your husband. Why did you stop talking & why did you feel it was OK not to stay on a communicative level.

Relationships take work & need to be nurtured. Sometimes we take them for granted & forget that.

It’s OK to take time for yourself before you feel like putting yourself out there when you are dealing with a divorce; in fact it is healthy because you are taking time to heal. You are allowed to feel your emotions and the pain of your marriage ending. It was real to you and isn’t something you take lightly.

It is always difficult when you feel like you were replaced so quickly by another woman but your husband will have his time when he reflects on your 14 years together. No one gets through a divorce without having to deal with some form of pain or regret.

Unfortunately friendships can change with a breakup and I understand your sadness when it comes to why you don’t want to be social right now. Who do you trust, who is really there for you and were these people ever your real friends?

The people who are there for you will not play both sides of the fence. They will support you and NOT pretend everything is OK. They will be genuinely concerned about you & want to help you through this heart break. They will not be out partying right away with the new girl like nothing has happened.

Things will change for you in the next few months if you follow some of those 11 tips above. The more you do for yourself, the less rejection you will feel. You’re amazing self is still in there somewhere and I will bet there is an even better version of you to come!

Wishing you love & happiness on your new path.

Sybersue @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

 

Advice: Don’t Ignore The Red Flags on the First Few Dates

“Be aware of the red flags & maintain some boundaries when you are dating!”

Famous last words right??

It is not easy today in the world of relationships, dating and rarely meeting someone in a face to face scenario. Everyone is behind their technology screens and hoping & praying that they find someone they can eventually fall in love with.

Unfortunately men & women are frustrated and some people are becoming desperate enough to let some of their core values fall to the basement of their priorities! This is not a good thing and even if it gets them a few months in a relationship, they are not being true to themselves and short changing their future happiness.

Being too picky is not a good thing but overlooking key principals that are important to you are just as bad if you want a relationship of substance.

Finding love is definitely a lot of work, but well worth the investment when it happens. Don’t settle just because you are lonely, or feeling pressure from your friends, family or your age. It’s your life, nobody elses and you can take all the time in the world to get it right.

There is no time clock unless you allow one to be there.

Many people think that they are taking the easy road by accepting only a small piece of what they want in a partner. Sadly it becomes a burden because everyday you see the sacrifice you made.

The red flags are waving in your face to get your attention and if you choose to ignore them and be OK in a fictitious relationship, you will always been yearning for what could have been.

No one is perfect and no one is telling you to look for perfection so don’t overlook the qualities that are important to you.

We all have different morals & standards but our character should never be compromised to the point in where we lose a big part of ourselves just to be with someone else.

They should be an extension of who we are; not the other way around.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Relationship Talk Show   Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

My Ex Wants to be Friends While he is Dating the Girl Who he Cheated With!

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How do you explain to your ex that you cannot be friends while they date the person they cheated on you with? (Original post on Quora)

Susan McCord
Susan McCord, Susan McCord is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Talk Show Host &Published Author

I noticed how you said “while” they date the person they cheated on you with. Why would you want to be friends with a man that has no respect for you, whether he is with this woman or not? We all get that forgiveness is a part of healing, but it doesn’t mean you have to be friends or keep him in your life after he blatantly cheated on you.

He wants to be friends with you because it helps him relieve his guilt but that has nothing to do with your feelings, it’s about him. He also may be keeping you in the background in case he wants to rekindle something later on or keep the new girl feeling insecure.

Hurtful relationships are the stepping stones to a better place, but first you have to learn the lessons as to why you were with someone.

  • What did you learn about your time with them?
  • Was there something about yourself that needed to be woken up?
  • What attracted you towards him in the beginning?
  • Are you drawn to bad boys?
  • Were you shown love as a child?
  • Do you base a relationship primarily on how much sexual chemistry you have with them?
  • Was he with someone else when you met him?

The red flags are usually right in front of us early on in a relationship but many people choose to ignore them. He did you a favor by showing you his true colors and the more often you remove yourself from people who hurt you or use you, the sooner you will meet the people who should be in your life.

Oh and by the way… you do not have to explain anything to him. His actions towards you said it all.

Give your energy & love to people who appreciate you. ❤

I did this video a short time ago that you may want to see about relationships.

“Love Gone Wrong Could be Something you Needed to Learn about Yourself”

Why Do Women Play so Many Games? How Do I know if She is Into Me?

Why Do Women Play so Many Games? How Do I know if She is Into Me?

Dear Sybersue answers a popular question from men on her advice column!

They want to know why women are not authentic with their feelings and play so many pretentious games on the first few dates!

Men are confused and getting fed up with dating games of the millennium! “Why don’t women just say what they really mean? Do they think that by playing “hot & cold” it will keep the guy interested?”

That’s another question…How does a guy know if she is even interested in him???

There are way too many mixed signals going on! Both men and women need to just be themselves and stop with this push/pull scenario that is happening out there. The women are also complaining that the men act interested only until they get a woman between the sheets! Some women say this is one of the reasons they are pulling back from men.

Unfortunately this isn’t the answer and if you want a real relationship you have to be real! Stop with the games and show your date “the fun side” of the person that you are. If you can’t be your authentic self then maybe you’re not ready to date. That goes for both sexes!

Please leave your comments below if you have some great answers to this question! 🙂

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Dear Sybersue Facebook Page

 

Are You a Serial Dater?

Are You a Serial Dater?

In today’s video Dear Sybersue discusses the topic on being a serial dater. Are you addicted to dating?

  1. Do you always want that initial excitement that a new person brings to the mix?
  2. Do you move on quickly after one or two dates?
  3. Do things change after a few sexual encounters with them?

It might be time to figure out if there is a deep rooted fear buried from your past.

While many people are fed up with dating and the stress it entails, there are many men & women who treat dating as a game or an ego building tool. The more the merrier…NEXT!

How long can someone keep going from one person to the next without ever really getting to know them and only having a superficial encounter with each new conquest?  Is sex the reward?

Does it not become repetitive and somewhat lonely? Is it a hard place to remove yourself from?

If you have you been a serial dater and you now in a committed relationship,what did you do to change things and eventually fall in love?

Please leave your comments below as it might help others. I appreciate you taking the time to do so!

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Dear Sybersue Facebook Page
Blogs & Videos

Add This Little Trick to Keep Your Relationship in a Happy Place!

Add This Little Trick to Keep Your Relationship in a Happy Place!

Dear Sybersue answers this popular topic from her advice column!

“What is the key to keeping a relationship from becoming boring and routine!”

It is much easier than many couples realize! You don’t have to become another divorce statistic if this a part of your weekly practice! Not only will it change up the dynamics of your partnership, you will have fun at the same time!

Keep your partner wanting more by being MORE of who you are!

Susan McCord @ facebook.com/dearsybersue 
Facebook @ youtube/dearsybersue
Blogs & Advice Column @ sybersue.com