Oh God, it’s that dreadful time of year again where I feel even lonelier than every other day of the year being single. February 14th and all the romantic hype is a reminder of how alone I really am! It is a very depressing day for me.
I am a 28 year old fairly attractive outgoing woman living in Toronto and in desperate need of some advice on how to get through the “wrath of cupid” every year on this day!
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
I have this conversation with women all the time and I am sure single guys probably feel the void as well but just don’t vocalize it.
The one thing I always did when I was single on Valentines’ Day was to go out & socialize! “Screw Cupid, he can shove the arrow right up his a#s!” I usually went to a lounge or Pub that had less of a romantic setting with pool tables, dart boards & other manly attractions.
It was interesting to see how many other people showed up as well! You are pretty much guaranteed that everyone who is not with a partner in the room on Valentine’s Day…is single! That can be a great time to meet someone!
Going out for a coffee or a movie with a girlfriend is also a great way to not give into the BS of February 14th only being a date night! Don’t be afraid to be seen without a man on your arm. Go out and show your confidence on this annoying relationship celebration! You are proud to be single and not settling with someone just to be in a couple’s scenario. You are waiting for real love! ❤
Hibernating and feeling sad at home means you are giving into this holiday stereotype and letting Hallmark & other marketing scams work their financial rewards. Be a rebel and stand tall!
You are a fantastic person whether you are single or not. Do not ever let a relationship define who you are!
Being single has many benefits that a lot of married people will occasionally yearn for!
Here are 12 things to think about that will help you deal with Feb 14th
You can do whatever you want whenever you want & be spontaneous!
Girl’s night out can happen often and without having to plan it 2-3 weeks in advance or without having to get permission from a partner.
It doesn’t matter what goes on in Vegas ~ you can be as bad as you want!
You can order “take out” every night and never use your oven!
You don’t have to shave your legs or get a Brazilian & you can wear your comfortable “big girl panties” without being judged!
You can watch, The Bachelor, The Young & Restless, The Breakup or any chick flick you want! You are in charge of the remote!
You don’t have to watch Dick Flicks!
You can put a 6 pack of beer in the fridge on Friday and there will be 4 bottles left on Monday!
You have complete control of the house temperature & the bed covers!
Your toilet seat will always remain in the downward position.
Your newspaper/magazines will never end up in the bathroom & remain on the coffee table completely intact.
The only snoring or farting you hear will be your own. 🙂
Now get off the couch Samantha, be proud you are single & go out for a fun Valentine’s Day!
Married/committed couples & singles are re-shaping their lives in all areas; regardless of approaching milestone birthdays. “Forty is the new thirty” and people finally understand they don’t have to give into the stereotyping of certain age groups. They are re-evaluating their options from careers to relationships and making the necessary changes. This can have a scary impact on many relationships out there!
Gone are the days where many people stayed in an unhealthy scenario!
Wedding vows today are broken way too often and no longer sacred with the intent that the couple will be together forever.
With the divorce rate on the incline some couples are getting nervous about becoming the next ones who will be walking this statistical plank! It doesn’t help that we have access to so many social media stories and reality TV shows that emphasize just how bad the statistics really are!
What can we do about it to change this trending dilemma?
Couples need to understand that when you are married or monogamously committed and no longer out in the dating market, it is even MORE important to put continual effort into your communication skills, appearance and sex life!
Sex is a huge part of the relationship glue and if it is ignored for any length of time it can be the end of the special “pheromone bond” you once shared and could be the demise of your partnership.
How often have you heard people complaining that after they got married and the honeymoon “time frame” ended that sex became less frequent and mundane? There is no playful forbidden fruit, spontaneous rendezvous or the excitement that a sexual partner brings in the early stages of a new relationship. We are all on our best sexual behavior!
Why does that have to dramatically change so that romance & sex becomes somewhat repetitive and in some cases almost non-existent?
Being romantically creative in your marriage or committed partnership will keep the fires burning a lot longer and turn vanilla sex into a hot fudge sundae!
I have coached many women who had lost interest in sex due to the repetitive expectations of their partners and lack of enticing foreplay. Once they finally communicated their concerns openly and discussed how it was ruining their relationship, things started to heat up and change for the better under those 300 thread count sheets; because the men listened.
Why are so Many Couples Separating Later in Life?
The popular 50’s Marilyn Monroe movie “The 7 Year Itch” seems to have been replaced by 20th Anniversary marriage break-ups in the millennium today. There are more and more people newly single in their late 40’s and 50’s than ever before!
In the days of our grandparents, people stayed together because of financial limitations and old school traditions. Today things have changed and both sexes have careers and are now on a more equal footing and don’t feel as trapped. It is more common to see couples both working due to economic struggles of mortgages and child expenses. It is hard to bring up a family on one salary in the millennium!
Unfortunately the everyday life stresses cause many couples to split up within the first 5 years of marriage but there are still many unhappy people that wait until the children are out of high school or have moved out of the family home before they end their relationships.
At least now there are more support groups and resources to help them move on regardless of what age they decide to do so.
The new 40 is not considered old anymore and many people are starting the second half of their life with an excited vision which sometimes includes a new partner.
Life offers many temptations today and people have to work harder to keep their relationships strong.
Many women are now dating younger men and it is not just the husbands leaving the marital home for a younger person anymore.
Here are a few tips to think about keeping sex alive in your marriage or long term commitment:
• Sex should be happening a few times per week or on a schedule that works for both of you.
• Don’t be afraid to gently communicate any sexual concerns to your partner. Couples that talk openly keep a stronger connection for many years to come.
• Sex should be initiated by both sexes!
• Sex may have to be planned or 3 weeks could go by with being too busy. Never be too busy to make love to your partner by making constant excuses.
• Married life can be very hectic with kids and careers so make date nights, mark them on the calendar and follow through with them.
• Both people in the partnership need to keep up their fitness levels. It not only makes you feel and look good; it puts a confident spring in your step towards the bedroom.
• Dress sexy even at home ~ no unattractive sweatpants! You want to keep them looking at you not someone else!
• Ask for help from relative/neighbors or pay for a babysitter to take the kids out so you can have sex at home without worrying they can hear you!
• Never leave the house without a hug or kiss good-bye. Always acknowledge your partner.
• When your partner walks in the front door, drop what you are doing and always get up and greet them. They take priority!
• Kiss your spouse passionately once every day like you did when you first met them; its great foreplay. (None of this peck on the cheek stuff!)
• Bring home little sex treats ~ lingerie, whipped cream, toys from the love shop or whatever you think they might like. Spicing things up in the bedroom isn’t just about changing positions.
• Always let your partner know you are attracted to them!
It is very important to practice these things often, especially as a long term relationship progresses. We all have to deal with many changes as we get a little older, so being aware that your love-life needs to be nurtured is half the battle of maintaining a healthy long lasting sex life.
Men have always had the pressure of having to perform in the bedroom which can be very difficult as the years go by; especially with added family and career stress. Viagra was approved by the FDA in 1998 and has helped many men through the tough times ever since!
Unfortunately this has put many couples into an unbalanced sexual situation, as men are ready willing and able to go as soon as they pop that little blue pill.
Viagra can be intimidating to many women, because they feel like they have to be ready to perform continually. It is a wise idea to let your wife know when you decide to take Viagra. Never assume it is a good time. (Blue balls are not pleasant at any age.)
Don’t despair though ladies because there is some good news for you now too!
As of August 2015, there is now hope for women with a new libido enhancer called Fibanserin! (trade name Addyi) It isn’t quite as powerful as the little blue pill just yet and like Viagra there are some side effects that need to be adhered to.
Hopefully once the kinks are ironed out, this “female Viagra” will eventually even out the sexual playground & help those women who are frustrated with their slowing sex drive.
Many women go through hormone changes after age 45 and it can be tough to feel sexual. Ladies; it is a good idea to get a saliva test to get an accurate reading of what is going on with your estrogen, progesterone and testosterone hormone levels.
This can help alleviate ongoing problems and help to keep you sexually stimulated once you know how to get help with balancing these physical changes.
Communication is the foundation to any successful marriage.
Learning how to talk with your spouse from day one, will keep you emotionally close. When you have respect for each other, have continual communication, and don’t ignore each others concerns, your sex-life will never fall too far behind to cause marital problems; because you are dealing with smaller issues before they become irreconcilable differences!
There will always be little glitches in your job, with your children and life in general, so it is important to understand that your partnership will have them too. Many couples make their relationship commitment the 3rd or 4th priority due to taking each other for granted that they will always be there.
Marriage and any long term relationship for that matter will always have ups and downs (pun intended) but with a little effort and conscious behavioral practice, you and your spouse can happily stay on the other side of the divorce statistics.
Love is like a full time job but well worth the time invested.
Dear Sybersue discusses the question: Should you tell your BFF that her boyfriend is really an assh@le? No one likes him but she doesn’t know that. She thinks her boyfriend is great even though he is aggressive, controlling and abusive!
Would you intervene?
Whenever there is a question regarding safety or abuse with someone, it is always important to help out your friends & family by acknowledging your concerns. No one wants to be “the snitch” or “that person” that comes across as interfering, but sometimes it is necessary to be the person who does this.
Love really can be blind which makes some people ignore the red flags in front of them. They don’t actually see the real person and who they are in a relationship with. Lust can do powerful things to a woman and not always in a good way.
We all need a little guidance at certain times in our lives and being a BFF to someone means having to talk about the hard things occasionally as well. It is all about how you deliver the warning to your friend and how gentle you are about it. Being too critical will put them on the defensive and have the opposite effect. Give them some examples that makes them aware of what you have noticed about their unhealthy relationship.
We all know the stories of the friendships that end because of this type of situation but a true and loyal friend will understand how much you love them to put yourself in this uncomfortable predicament. Real friendship isn’t only about the good things, it also includes being true to them when things need to be addressed.
Why do people date before they are emotionally ready?
Why do we repeat patterns that don’t work rather than working through them so that we choose better relationship scenarios?
The reason there are many unhappy single men and women is due to their own denial about what is really going on inside their heart. There is a hurt that needs to be healed and nurtured before they can truly love someone and be loved.
It is very important not to bury your past heartache but to bring it to the forefront and honestly look at both sides of what transpired. You chose this person to be in your life and you need to understand why you did. What lessons were you suppose to learn? What did you take away from your experience?
Remembering the great things about your past relationship is a positive approach but you have to also be realistic about what wasn’t so great too. If it were a good fit, you would still be together now. They may have been a stepping stone to get you to a much better place down the road.
Help! My Partner Wants me to Relocate for his Career…
This situation is becoming a bigger problem than ever before due to unemployment on the rise and the difficulty in finding a job that can help advance your career. Many men and women are being recruited to different cities which can cause a lot of chaos in a partnership!
Do you go with them?
Does it benefit you too?
How long have you been in this relationship?
Do you really love each other or has it become a complacent convenience?
Did your partner blindside you with the news and they have known for awhile that this was in the works?
Trust is the biggest link to a healthy partnership and if their is a lack of honesty or an unbalanced view of your commitment level, it may eventually lead to uncompromising scenarios like this one.
9 Things to really think about if you are seriously deciding to support their career move:
How strong is your relationship? Will it honestly survive these major changes should you decide to move to this new location together?
Do they need you to accompany them to have the courage to actually go through with this?
Do you have a great job that you can go to in this new city?
What support system will you have there? You will be alone in a new environment while they are getting their new career off the ground. It could be lonely for you.
Can you compromise on where you will live together in your new home?
Are you communicators and is your relationship reciprocated with supporting each other?
Will they be traveling regularly? (Are you moving for them but will not be seeing them much?)
What about starting a family? Are you still on the same page?
Is there a contract time frame for this new job or is it a permanent situation?
A good way to make this life changing decision is to let them go to their new location first and visit them as regularly as you can. See if you like it and how it fits in with what you want. It’s not all about them and your future depends on what makes you happy too.
Don’t uproot your entire life for someone if your heart isn’t into it or it just doesn’t fit into a lifestyle that is important to you. Leaving everything you love for an unknown circumstance really needs to be thought out carefully and not just because one of you wants it.
There are two lives and two people who matter in this scenario. Theyhave made the decision to move regardless of your relationship commitment and it is now up to you to decide if you want to go with them.
Really think about it in every way that matters to you. ❤
Today myself (Dear Sybersue) & Guest Co-host Andrea Wesley talk about texting etiquette in the dating world! What is going on with some people and why are so many men and women lazy or rude when it comes to texting?
Isn’t this the time to shine when it is the only communication you have in the beginning? Dating is all about technology and online resources so you have to put some effort in to it to get noticed and stand out!
No, that doesn’t mean showing your naked body parts to anyone you come across. Have some class and be creative.
Everyone should have some boundaries and self respect.
What is your worst texting story and how did you handle it? Please leave your comments below the video and here on my post.
I am a 27 year old average looking introverted single female. I don’t get asked out on dates anymore but I would love to meet someone to have a committed relationship with. I feel stuck in my own skin and I am not sure how to change things to make it better for me. My routine life is becoming unbearable and waking up each morning consists of repetitive things day in and day out and banging my head on the same brick wall!
I can’t seem to motivate myself to get out of the house when I come home from work and that’s the other thing; I can’t stand my job! I make decent money but I spend a lot of time in an isolated environment working on computer documents for the law firm I am employed at.
I have a few friends but they are also settling into this same scenario that I repeat around the 24 hour clock. It really sucks and I am mad at myself for not being a stronger person and making things better. This has been going on for 7 years now and I seem to be sinking further into the quicksand of my existence. My family is not supportive which makes me feel even more alone.
What should I do?
I can hear the sadness in your writing and the first step to changing what isn’t working, is acknowledging it; so good for you! Your self esteem has taken a turn with something that may have happened 7 years ago and could be the cause of your life becoming routine and uneventful.
Many people retreat into a cocoon when something traumatic or sad happens at certain times in their life. The fact that you said you don’t get asked out on dates anymore states that you once did but that has now stopped.
What happened 7 years ago? Was it a bad break up? A family matter? A health situation?
Figuring out what changed your thinking back then will help you better understand why you became this lonely person today. You call yourself average looking and introverted which is something you could alter with a little effort. Go to the Mac counter and make an appointment with one of the staff for a makeup application, get a new hair style and buy a few new wardrobe pieces that will enhance your look. A mini makeover is a good thing and can be the start of a refreshed outlook. “When you look good you feel good!”
It sounds like money is not a big problem for you so I would suggest you hire a therapist or life coach for a short while to help you through some of the blocked feelings you may have. It is not an easy transition to make on your own without a support system and sometimes it is better to have someone neutral and non-judgmental than to rely on the people in your everyday life. It also sounds like you may be depressed, so having someone professional to help you through this, is a much wiser choice.
You mentioned that you have a problem getting out socially when you get home from work. The trick here is not to go home first. Make plans to attend a meet up group, take a course or go to a fitness class right after work a few days per week. This will help break up the monotony that is keeping you glued to this feeling of loneliness. You need to be around people after spending 8 hours a day bent over your computer!
The last thing on your new journey should be looking for a more rewarding atmosphere with a new job. Once you alter the other things in your life this will become easier for you to visualize because you will feel better about yourself and not be willing to compromise anymore in a dead end job. Get the other parts of your life in order first and then start working on a new career. There may be some night/online courses you can take in the meantime that will add to your credentials for when the time is right.
You are only 27 and it is never too late to make changes that will enhance your life. Get out of the house and show the world who you really are.