Why Do Women Play so Many Games? How Do I know if She is Into Me?

Why Do Women Play so Many Games? How Do I know if She is Into Me?

Dear Sybersue answers a popular question from men on her advice column!

They want to know why women are not authentic with their feelings and play so many pretentious games on the first few dates!

Men are confused and getting fed up with dating games of the millennium! “Why don’t women just say what they really mean? Do they think that by playing “hot & cold” it will keep the guy interested?”

That’s another question…How does a guy know if she is even interested in him???

There are way too many mixed signals going on! Both men and women need to just be themselves and stop with this push/pull scenario that is happening out there. The women are also complaining that the men act interested only until they get a woman between the sheets! Some women say this is one of the reasons they are pulling back from men.

Unfortunately this isn’t the answer and if you want a real relationship you have to be real! Stop with the games and show your date “the fun side” of the person that you are. If you can’t be your authentic self then maybe you’re not ready to date. That goes for both sexes!

Please leave your comments below if you have some great answers to this question! 🙂

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
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Relationships: My Girlfriend is Losing Interest! What Should I do?

Relationships: My Girlfriend is Losing Interest! What Should I do?

Dear Sybersue:

My girlfriend of 2 months is starting to pull away from me with no reason that I can think of. She just started not returning my texts and saying she was busy all the time. We started out so well and everything just clicked between us!

She is 38 ( I am 35) and has dated a lot over the years but has never really had a long term boyfriend. I did see a few things early on that made me question her commitment to me but I didn’t pressure her with questions and just kept things going in a non-aggressive way so that she had some space.

Unfortunately that doesn’t seem to be working and I feel her moving further and further away from me.

I have fallen pretty hard for her! What should I do?

Cory B.

Hi Cory B,

Thanks for your question and I can tell you that you are not alone with this inquiry! I have had 5 similar emails in the last few months from both men & women.

It is a confusing time in the land of dating & relationships and there are more mixed signals than ever before! Part of the reason for this is the lack of real communication skills many people have from spending so much time online, rather that in a face to face scenario.

When we finally meet someone that excites us we go “all in” like a Texas holdem poker game betting on something we don’t know the outcome of but looks really good at the time!

Taking a chance on love is a good thing but we have to be smart and listen to our instincts before we invest our heart fully into this person we don’t know yet.

You said there were a few red flags that you noticed early on but you chose to sweep them aside. You also said she hasn’t had any real committed partnerships. Do you know why this is?  Have you actually asked her why she is pulling back?

When love is real there aren’t a lot of questions or any game playing. That is because there is a reciprocated respect for each other.

It is not your place to try to fix her or spend years trying to figure out why may be commitment phobic. All you can do is be honest with how you feel and if she is not into a relationship she needs to tell you.

The 3-6 month mark in a relationship is usually when things either start to improve or dissolve between a couple. If you are questioning everything between the two of you after 2 months together, you may already have your answer with which direction you are headed towards.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

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Dear Sybersue: Women Confuse The Crap Out Of Me!

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Dear Sybersue,

OK bear with me while I vent a little here. Grrrrrrr

I am a decent looking guy in my early 30’s that is single but ready to find that special woman to settle down with. I usually meet women online and Tinder seems to be the App that I use most frequently.  I know it is not everyone’s choice but I like the simplicity of it. (OK saying that out loud makes me sound a little shallow doesn’t it; sort of like I don’t want to put in too much effort?)  I’m actually not a bad guy but like most men we are not into anything complicated, especially in the female department!

So; my questions are:

  • Why do women text so often and expect an instant reply every time?
  • Why do they pretend to like certain things that I like in the beginning, but actually have no interest in them after we have established a connection?
  • Why are they so easy to get into bed but play the high maintenance card in all other areas?

I have spoken with many of my male friends regarding these questions and none of us know the answers, or how to meet a quality “drama free” lady that we can share our lives with. Women seem to be clones of each other today; all acting alike and looking alike too!

What should I do differently to attract someone who is not a fake like all these online ladies I am meeting right now.

Thank you Sybersue!

Ben H.

Dear Ben,

I chose your email to post online due to the amount of other men writing me with similar questions.

It is not an easy time in our new world of technology communication and our human etiquette skills are buried under our keyboards and smart phones. We are losing our way and becoming disconnected in non-existent discussions due to the lack of meeting in face to face scenarios.

Our expectations are over the top and our patience levels are minimal. We want it NOW and if a few things aren’t perfect we move on to the next swipe on our phone or a new profile photo on various dating sites.

I will answer your questions in order that you asked them:

Answer to #1 Question: Why do women text so often and expect a reply instantly every time?

  • Women like to know you are thinking about them…a lot!
  • She is trying to be playful with the texts and is looking for a response from you that shows you really like her.
  • Some women are more aggressive than others but it’s up to you from that first date to let her know truthfully whether you are interested or not. Don’t pretend if you’re not; move on! Be upfront but gentle but don’t just stop texting or ghost her.
  • Don’t leave her with questions. If you enjoyed the date, tell her that you would like to see her again and phone her with a plan for a few days down the road.
  • Tell her you are too busy at work to text back & forth all day and you will contact her when you have time later in the day.
  • Watch for red flags on the first date. Is she needy, does she tell you every little thing about herself and what she wants in her 5 year plan?
  • Be careful what signs you give her early on. If she thinks you are really interested in her it will give her the green light to pursue it further with you. Tell her you prefer to take things slow and you are not into a fast courtship. If she continues to be pushy after all of the above, it is time for you to end things.
  • If you are really not that interested do not have sex with her. Some women become very attached emotionally after being intimate with a man.

Answer to #2 Question: Why do they pretend to like certain things that I like in the beginning but actually have no interest in them after we have established a connection?

  • I think both sexes are a little guilty of doing this. We want to impress each other so much in the beginning that we get a little over excited and exaggerate about our hobbies, passions and activities. Some women say they like something to keep you interested so that you will call them again.
  • She could be truthfully interested in something you like doing but may not be very good at it; so she makes excuses why she can’t do it at that particular time you ask her.
  • She could just be fake and saying anything what you want to hear to get your attention.
  • If it is something that is really important to you and your future relationship, you will need to push the interest level and call her bluff on it. Waiting a year down the road and then realizing you are opposites in many ways, will end up causing big problems or the end of you as a couple!
  • Listen closely to what she says and always be aware of the truth and her sincerity by paying attention to your instincts. Your gut is seldom wrong!

Answer to #3 Question: Why are women so easy to get into bed but play the high maintenance card in all other areas?

  • This one baffles me a lot too but there are two main reasons that women sleep with men so quickly. The first one is because they think men will run away if they don’t have sex on the first night and the second reason is they think it gives them more power with you. Once they have shown you their “worldly goods” you owe them something in return.
  • Some women use this sex weakness (sorry guys, it had to be said) to get financial rewards. Once they establish a certain system with you & your wallet, it becomes an expectation.
  • Don’t pay for everything and she will not be allowed to be high maintenance. If you want to find out if she is with you because she actually “likes you for you,” then don’t be so willing to give her everything on a silver platter before you even know her. Some guys like to show off a little in the beginning but it sets the wrong precedence and changes the dynamics in the early stages of what could have been a partnership.
  • Make sure you are not choosing the same type of women all the time and getting yourself into a pattern. We often don’t see this within ourselves and it is the reason we continually get frustrated when our dating life continues to disappoint us. If you are always attracted to the perfect “10” female with looks being the top priority, you will end up back in the high maintenance category over and over again.
  • Revise your checklist! Even if you don’t have one down on paper, just thinking about ALL the things you want in a woman could be jeopardizing your happiness. You could actually be the one that is high maintenance.

Don’t ever give up on Love. ❤ Be honest with yourself and what you are really looking for in a partner. You are in charge of who you attract towards you so you may have to change up your thought process to bring that special woman towards you.

It does take two to make a relationship work so try to remember that you are the one responsible with who you are meeting and allowing into your life. If it’s not working then you have nothing to lose by changing it up.

Most women are wonderful and really do want a loving man to share their world with. If you want a nice girl who is compatible with you and fun to be around, put it out there and visualize her! Knowing what you want is half the dating battle because most people talk about what they don’t want in a relationship but seldom talk about the positive things that they do want.

Let me know what transpires in the next few months. I will look forward to hearing how things are going for you romantically.

Wishing you love and happiness always. ❤

Sybersue

Why Dating isn’t a “Game” & How Men Should Really be “Playing”it.

Why Dating isn’t a “Game” & How Men Should Really be “Playing”it.

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“Both sexes constantly rant that dating is all one big game! “He only wants sex” and “she is a materialistic gold digger!” How often have you said these exact lines to your friends complaining about the lack of potential partner availability?”

Dating doesn’t have to suck!

Guys; you need to be your authentic self and show women how amazing you are. You are not a stereotypical man lumped into the category: “All men are the same!”

Saying that; all women are not the same either and if you want to meet that special lady to eventually share your life with; you have to be ready and open, to allow her to come into your life.

I know you’ve tried over and over again and nothing, nada, zilch has happened to make you stand up, take notice and believe that there is a woman out there for you. Have you ever thought that you could be stuck in a dating pattern?

Is it possible that you may be a little guilty of choosing the same type of woman that doesn’t work for you? Or are you too quick to make assumptions about a woman and who you think she is before you talk to her? (I have definitely had some of my own judgemental moments in that department during my past dating experiences!)

I have had many exasperated men reach out to my advice column with their frustration towards women. “I can’t find any quality women to date!”

Do you really believe that there are no good women out there or is it a two-sided situation with both sexes contributing equally? You may not even be aware of how often your own words or thoughts may have put you into the “game zone” of dating.

  • Do you like the chase or challenge with a woman?
  • Do you find yourself waiting for over a week before you text or call a woman for a second date?
  • Are you playing the bad boy routine because you think nice guys always finish last?
  • Are you sexually active on the first few dates and then ghost women (run away) when you lose interest?

Be aware of the type of woman you are attracting.

Do you have a similar type? Is she trophy wife good looking and takes 2 hours to get ready? Is she high maintenance, a game player or evasive towards you? If your love life is in a lull at the moment, it may be time to start analyzing your choices. You may not realize you are dating the same type of woman that doesn’t work out for you.

Switch it up! You like to fix broken things right? So do it in your personal life too.

Are you a very visual man and “looks” are the highest priority on your dating checklist? This can eliminate some amazing women that may not be a perfect 10 but who could be very compatible with you.

I am not saying you should overlook having a chemistry with someone you just met but don’t write a woman off because she is not “super model” beautiful or doesn’t reek of sexual pheromones.

Learn to stand out by not playing games:

  1. When you are serious and ready to meet a wonderful woman, get yourself out to as many activities or events as possible. While online dating is a great resource, there is nothing that teaches you how to interact with women better than talking to them in person.
  2. It can be a scary and intimidating place at first so take baby steps by just smiling or saying hi to women you see in a coffee shop, event or at a restaurant. They don’t have to be someone you are interested in. Just be friendly and slowly get used to communicating with others.
  3. Practice makes perfect!
  4. Stay away from the women that haven’t worked for you in the past and put your attention towards someone you might not normally date.  You don’t have to ask every girl out that you have a conversation with.
  5. You may be surprised how much you will enjoy chatting with women that are not your usual checklist type.
  6. Get used to being friendly with both men and women everywhere you go. Really try not to make early judgements and look at each person individually. If your gut screams out “NO” to you then listen to it and move on. You don’t have to spend time with people who you don’t feel safe with or have any connection to.
  7. When you do ask a woman out; be yourself.
  8. Be honest with what you say to her and not what you think she wants to hear. Be a gentleman. Be real. Follow through with date plans, don’t be late or reschedule, put any first date sexual expectations on hold, show confidence and make sure the conversation is reciprocated and interesting.
  9. Humor always adds a relaxed vibe to the date and ensures a comfort zone early on.
  10. If you want to see her again, tell her that. No games! Call her the next day and thank her for the great evening. It shows strength to a woman when you respond without worrying about all the archaic dating rules of when you should or shouldn’t call.

Dating can be a lot of fun! Men who understand that all women have something unique to offer and are beautiful in their own way are the ones that end up the happiest down the long road of romance.  Don’t let that incredible lady get away because you categorized her into the “no date” zone too quickly.

We all have flaws and insecurities and no one is better than anyone else.

Try not to sabotage your love-life due to fear, games or stifling thoughts and get yourself out there to meet the woman you deserve to have in your world.

You are worthy of love and all you have to do is to gradually let down your guard and shake off those cobwebs of past thinking to bring it towards you.  No one said relationships were easy but by adding new beliefs and removing old patterns will definitely put you on a brighter path of optimism in all aspects of your life.

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com

Facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/DearSybersue

The Dear Sybersue Talk Show YouTube @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

Dear Sybersue: Why are Men and Women Becoming so Angry when it Comes to Dating?

 

Dear Sybersue,

I am a 28 year old single guy who is above average looking and very fit! I have a great job that pays well and I live on my own in a trendy area of Vancouver, Canada. That all sounds good I know, but the reason I am writing is because I can’t seem to meet a woman who doesn’t have baggage or a sour outlook on men in general.

But that’s not all…

I hear my guy friends complaining all the time that women are either too independent or too high maintenance! They are turning into angry guys when it comes to dating or relationships and it’s not much fun going out with them these days. They just sit there harshly criticizing any woman who walks into the room! I admit I am not always positive about things but this is really starting to get to me! It doesn’t end here though as even my female friends are now constantly bitching about guys as well!

How did we get here?

I used to think it was just a Vancouver thing, but I often travel for work in the U.S. and it seems like the same problems exist in many of the big cities there as well. People are becoming so self absorbed and it is scary how cold we are acting towards each other. I am not a shy guy and usually have no problem opening up to women but this attitude is making me back away from even wanting to be in a relationship! I blame online dating sites for this because it has made both men and women so lazy when it comes to meeting someone in person.

What do you suggest?

Nathan

Hi Nathan,

Thanks for writing and it is nice to hear from a man in my own city! I couldn’t agree more with you about what is going on with men and women today! This is one of the reasons I decided to do a video on the topic. It really saddens me how angry some people have become when it concerns matters of the heart. Things are very different in the dating world and it really depends on how we individually cope with these changes rather than all fall into a negative place. So far we are not handling it well and things have almost become competitive between men and women!

Women have fought for a very long time to be accepted in the workforce, politics and many other areas where they were shunned from acceptance for hundreds of years. It is a new world but both sexes have not learned how to handle the equal power shift. Some women take it too far and come across controlling and some men are still from the old school where they think women should be in career status or “wifely duties.”

With any big change there is an adjustment period but there is always some good that comes out of it. Men are fighting back in divorce court and obtaining their rights financially and as fathers with child custody and better visitation with their children. Women are finally getting paid the same amount for the same job as their male colleagues, which is also a great change. Now we just need to get both sexes talking and appreciating each other!

So what can you do to change this for yourself Nathan?

1. Stand out and be different from everyone else. Be that fun guy that people want to be around.
2. Don’t let other people’s negativity make you negative.
3. Stop going out with the guys that are being nasty towards women and find other non judgmental people to socialize with.
4. Vancouver has numerous meet-up groups that are always short of men! I go to a few myself and there are some amazing ladies in the room! It is less intimidating for women to meet a guy in a causal setting than in some obvious pickup venue.
5. Start talking to women everywhere you go; a smile and a hello goes a lot further than you think. If they ignore you that’s their problem. Don’t make it yours. Continuing to be friendly and personal, will open up the communication lines and at the very least put you in a better head space.
6. When your buddies start talking crap about women, take the opposite approach and turn the conversation around into a positive direction. Misery loves company and if you don’t partake in their rants, they will eventually stop doing it in front of you.

Don’t ever give up on love. If it were always easy to find, it wouldn’t be as valuable. Meeting someone to have as a life-long partner is not a simple task and nor should it be. It is a journey with lots of forks in the road which is the pattern of life in general. (Understanding early which path to take, will make life less stressful.) Keep believing, stay optimistic and remove yourself away from people that bring you down. Changing your environment will bring you healthy rewards.

Let me know how things go Nathan!

Dear Sybersue                                                                                                                             

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Dear Sybersue: Women are Weird! Do They Even Know What They Want?

Dear Sybersue: Women are Weird! Do They Even Know What They Want?

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Dear Sybersue;  Women are Weird! Do They Even Know What They Want?

I need to address something that really frustrates me.  I’m a 35 year old male and I have still not figured anything out yet when it comes to meeting the right woman!  Women are just strange creatures indeed; regardless of their age!

Younger women are on a long learning curve about life and I don’t want to spend my life teaching them everything. (They also have this sense of entitlement that drives me crazy! Where did they get these unrealistic expectations anyway?) Many women my own age seem to be on a ticking biological clock and are looking for a man to make babies with. Some of them don’t even care if there is a connection as long as there is a sperm donor. Sorry to be so crass but I’m not making this up!

Older women seem to have more regrets about what they did or didn’t do when they were younger and seem a little edgy or angry for the most part!  I’ve never dated an older woman (but I have spoken to many of them) so forgive me if my comment might offend you. I know I am generalizing with all of this but my guy friends agree with me for the most part.  All I know is that when it comes to a woman’s needs I bend over backwards until I break.  Some women say I try too hard and some say I don’t try hard enough. This is why they all seem so wierd to me! I can’t please any of them, any of the time. If I am too nice I am considered boring or pussy whipped and if I am more evasive and not so eager, I am an as$hole.

What do they really want?  If you ask me I think they are the ones who are confused & don’t know what they want or what is important to them! Talk about mixed signals! I know not all men are a great catch either but right now I am just trying to figure out my part in all this. It just seems everyone has become so shallow and quick to judge each other. I just want to be in a normal loving partnership that is reciprocated and healthy.

Is there such a thing or I am delusional hoping there could be?

Thanks, Tony 

Dear Tony,

I am not offended at all & I agree with much of your frustration for the most part. You are at the age where you are ready to make some major life decisions and it isn’t easy these days!  Men and women have changed and confusion has set in as to what both sexes want anymore! So many people seem to have a guarded attitude which just repels a potential date in the opposite direction. We all need to change our judgmental perceptive on each other to even have the slightest chance at finding love in our lives.

You asked what you can do to change your part in what isn’t working in your love life and there are a few things you can do to change your own attitude. You are in danger of becoming stuck in a negative and jaded place and you are probably in a dating pattern that you aren’t even aware of.  You may be attracted to a certain type of woman that doesn’t work for you. Many guys do not even realize that they keep going for the same shallowness because they are only choosing high maintenance women. They make her looks the priority without checking out the whole person. We are all visual creatures but we have be able to look beyond our pulsing loins to meet a quality partner.

Make a list & write down all the important things you really want in a woman & don’t stop reading it until you meet her.  Sometimes we don’t find what we really want because we are confused as to what that is. We spend a lot of time saying “we know what we don’t want” but seldom say out loud “we know what we want and what is important” to us.

You shouldn’t have to bend over backwards for anyone in a relationship as it should be a reciprocated partnership where you both do things for each other. There “is” such a thing as being too nice or too doting on someone which can be a turn off for some women. No one wants someone they can push around in the long run ~ they will end up losing respect for that person because they have too much control & not enough excitement or mystery.  Being predictable can become boring over the years together and it is healthy & fun to keep them guessing just a little.  I don’t mean continually playing games but just to change things up a bit so that it is refreshing when you see each other.

10 Things You Can Do to Change Up Your Dating Scenario:

  • In the first stages of meeting someone new, do not put out “all of you” right away.
  • Get to know them slowly & watch how they treat you & others around them.
  • Change up the type of women you date. Look outside your usual sandbox!
  • If there a sense of entitlement & expectations on their part, remove yourself early on.  Women who are takers are generally pretty obvious right from the start.
  • Be pleasant & respectful with the women you are dating but don’t try too hard! When it is right it has a natural feel to it.
  • Stop going to the same places to meet someone. Change up your surroundings.
  • Work on your attitude and don’t paint all women the same way by saying they are all weird. You are attracting them towards you for a reason so alter your thinking to attract the right one towards you.
  • The most important point in all of this is to know what “you” want, put it out there & believe she will show up in your life.

There is someone for everyone we just need to trust (& not ignore) our instincts, to allow the right one to come in.

Thanks for writing Tony, wishing you much love & happiness  always. 

 xo Sybersue ❤

Dating Advice: Get off Your Bar Stool and Start Talking to Each Other

 

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Relax and have fun on your date!

Dating Doesn’t Have to Suck!

I want to address something that I have noticed for years in the dating world. After spending a few evenings out with the girls this past few months, I still see very little interaction between single men & women. It is exasperating to watch this happen at most of the establishments we visited.

So what is the problem ladies & gentlemen?  Why is there a lack of conversation or acknowledgement towards each other?

Men tell me that many women are stuck up, materialist, or just plain unapproachable! The women complain that there are no available men or that all they are looking for is sex and aren’t looking for a relationship. How did we get to this negative place? Where is this judgmental attitude coming from?

I personally feel that much of this is due to the fear of commitment or lack of confidence and not believing in themselves or that they don’t think they deserve a loving relationship. By pushing away every opportunity, they don’t have to deal with the rejection that they fear will eventually happen anyway. It is a very defeatist attitude and a sad way to live life. We all need love in our lives but have to understand that we are worthy of it and welcome it into our world. Negativity destroys happiness in all forms.

What I have Noticed With Single Men & Women When They Are Out For The Evening:

  • Ladies go out in large groups, so men feel intimidated to approach.
  • Women like to sit in booths which makes it difficult for a man to go up and chat when 6 pairs of eyes are on him. It’s much easier when you are in a mingle situation and can have “one on one” contact.
  • Men sit with their backs to the room on a bar stool which signifies they are closed off.
  • Women & men are both quick to label each other with what they are wearing & who they hang with.
  • Women expect to have a drink bought for them if a man connects with them.
  • If there is a conversation, the questions often begin with: “what do you do for work?” or “why are you single?” These are not good opening lines which lack imagination. Be creative and funny over clinical and boring.
  • Men often wait until they are leaving to say hi or smile at a woman they are attracted to.
  • Eye contact & conversation finally comes after a big dose of liquid courage, which usually doesn’t go well.
  • Men use sarcasm to get a women’s attention. (reminds me of boys pulling a girls ponytail to get noticed in elementary school.)

How do we Correct this Behavior?

  1. Be aware of who you are hanging out with & how they are perceived by others. Are they rude or standoffish and ruining your chance to meet someone? Guilty by association happens more often than people realize.
  2. Regardless of whether you are male or female do not be afraid to make the first contact. A smile, a hello on your way to the washroom, or “cheers” with your glass says you are open to conversation. It gives people the “OK” that you are receptive to go to the next step.
  3. Be courteous to people around you including the servers as this will be observed by others in the room. (I always watched people’s behavior when I was single as it told me a lot about their character!)
  4. Dress appropriately & unpretentious but to your personality. If you are a spitfire, wear something bright & flirty and if you are conservative, dress that way. You want to attract someone fitting to who you are, so that you are compatible should there be a connection. (Opposites attract but they seldom stay together.)
  5. Make your seating location & body language open & receptive to others in the room.
  6. Don’t blow someone off because you can’t see yourself marrying them. They may have another purpose in your life. They could become a good friend or business associate. Networking comes in all forms of communication ~ Enjoy it for the moment.

The most important point I would like to stress is; how many people need to recharge their positive thinking when looking for a potential partner. Next time you go out on the town, change your thinking by using this thought process: “I am going to have fun tonight. I am not afraid to have love in my life & not all men/women are unavailable or unapproachable. There is someone for everyone & I am worthy of a wonderful relationship. Bring it on, I am ready!” Thoughts become reality so think about what is important to you and what you want to have in your life, not what you don’t want.

You may not meet someone right away but it takes time to alter the negative pattern of yesterday. Write out a list of changes you want to make towards finding a wonderful partnership & read them on a daily basis; especially before you go out. Make out another list on what you want in a partner. (It should include a variety of characteristics, not just material objects.)

When I decided I was ready to meet someone, I made a list of the man I wanted to share my life with & what was most important to me in a relationship. I read it every night before bed & also said out loud “I am ready to receive this wonderful man into my life” & within a few months he literally appeared in my life. We are very happily married today. ❤

You really can have what you want in your life, you just have to believe you deserve it & practice good Karma to receive it. You must “give to receive” & be grateful for what you do have to find the ultimate happiness in your life.

Wishing you all lots of love ~ let me know how it works for you. I’d love to hear your stories!

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord   

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