In the video above Dear Sybersue discusses one of the popular questions she gets on her advice column from women.
“Things have changed within my relationship, how do I know if my boyfriend is really in love with me?”
If you are asking this question you have probably not been paying attention to what is really going on in your partnership. When it gets to this stage it can often be the “beginning of the end” of your relationship. I am not trying to scare you but it is important for me to point this out and it may not be too late to salvage your love. ❤
Nurturing any relationship in your life is an ongoing necessary practice.
Dear Sybersue discusses relationship problems that can be solved through love and communication! Pick your battles and stop sweating the small stuff!
There will always be issues to deal with in your partnership but many of them can be managed before they escalate into destroying your relationship.
Why do some couples keep rehashing the same old argument or keep looking for a new one? Are they looking for a fight due to boredom?
Why not try to spice up the relationship in other ways that don’t include a heated argument? Defuse the conflict early and put that energy into something that brings you closer, like great makeup sex! Remember those days???
Making love is the the glue of most successful long term partnerships!
The more drama you allow into your relationship the less chance you will have to make it work long term. It’s not easy being with the same person for many years but with a little low maintenance action it can be a loving and healthy environment that you enjoy coming home to.
There are men and women who truly love their spouses right up until their 60th wedding anniversary because they made it work and put each other first through all those years together. When you unconditionally respect your partner it is easy to hold on to the love you feel for each other because you grow together rather than grow apart. You like each other and appreciate one another.
It is actually a simple equation but so many couples complicate it until the demise of their relationship is before them.
Please watch the video above and leave your comments below this post on what has or hasn’t worked for you in your own home. Your words may able to help someone else out there. 🙂
Dear Sybersue answers Scott’s question about his girlfriend Sandra being seen on a dating site by one of his best friends! They have been living together for 2 years! He is in love with her and is very hurt about hearing this upsetting news today.
Scott thought everything was going great! WTF?
They do not have an open relationship and he is exclusively committed to Sandra. He hasn’t confronted her yet because he is trying to make sense of how this could happen.
Did he do something wrong? Is their sex life an issue? Were there some red flags that he ignored? She has shown no indication of being unhappy or discussed any problems with Scott.
Could the information be wrong?
What are your thoughts? How should he confront her? I think most of us would say he should he dump her sorry ass, but he at least needs to hear her side of the story beforehand.
Please leave your comments below & if this has happened to you or know someone this has happened to how did they handle the situation?
Help! My Partner Wants me to Relocate for his Career…
This situation is becoming a bigger problem than ever before due to unemployment on the rise and the difficulty in finding a job that can help advance your career. Many men and women are being recruited to different cities which can cause a lot of chaos in a partnership!
Do you go with them?
Does it benefit you too?
How long have you been in this relationship?
Do you really love each other or has it become a complacent convenience?
Did your partner blindside you with the news and they have known for awhile that this was in the works?
Trust is the biggest link to a healthy partnership and if their is a lack of honesty or an unbalanced view of your commitment level, it may eventually lead to uncompromising scenarios like this one.
9 Things to really think about if you are seriously deciding to support their career move:
How strong is your relationship? Will it honestly survive these major changes should you decide to move to this new location together?
Do they need you to accompany them to have the courage to actually go through with this?
Do you have a great job that you can go to in this new city?
What support system will you have there? You will be alone in a new environment while they are getting their new career off the ground. It could be lonely for you.
Can you compromise on where you will live together in your new home?
Are you communicators and is your relationship reciprocated with supporting each other?
Will they be traveling regularly? (Are you moving for them but will not be seeing them much?)
What about starting a family? Are you still on the same page?
Is there a contract time frame for this new job or is it a permanent situation?
A good way to make this life changing decision is to let them go to their new location first and visit them as regularly as you can. See if you like it and how it fits in with what you want. It’s not all about them and your future depends on what makes you happy too.
Don’t uproot your entire life for someone if your heart isn’t into it or it just doesn’t fit into a lifestyle that is important to you. Leaving everything you love for an unknown circumstance really needs to be thought out carefully and not just because one of you wants it.
There are two lives and two people who matter in this scenario. Theyhave made the decision to move regardless of your relationship commitment and it is now up to you to decide if you want to go with them.
Really think about it in every way that matters to you. ❤
I am a 28 year old single guy who is above average looking and very fit! I have a great job that pays well and I live on my own in a trendy area of Vancouver, Canada. That all sounds good I know, but the reason I am writing is because I can’t seem to meet a woman who doesn’t have baggage or a sour outlook on men in general.
But that’s not all…
I hear my guy friends complaining all the time that women are either too independent or too high maintenance! They are turning into angry guys when it comes to dating or relationships and it’s not much fun going out with them these days. They just sit there harshly criticizing any woman who walks into the room! I admit I am not always positive about things but this is really starting to get to me! It doesn’t end here though as even my female friends are now constantly bitching about guys as well!
How did we get here?
I used to think it was just a Vancouver thing, but I often travel for work in the U.S. and it seems like the same problems exist in many of the big cities there as well. People are becoming so self absorbed and it is scary how cold we are acting towards each other. I am not a shy guy and usually have no problem opening up to women but this attitude is making me back away from even wanting to be in a relationship! I blame online dating sites for this because it has made both men and women so lazy when it comes to meeting someone in person.
What do you suggest?
Nathan
Hi Nathan,
Thanks for writing and it is nice to hear from a man in my own city! I couldn’t agree more with you about what is going on with men and women today! This is one of the reasons I decided to do a video on the topic. It really saddens me how angry some people have become when it concerns matters of the heart. Things are very different in the dating world and it really depends on how we individually cope with these changes rather than all fall into a negative place. So far we are not handling it well and things have almost become competitive between men and women!
Women have fought for a very long time to be accepted in the workforce, politics and many other areas where they were shunned from acceptance for hundreds of years. It is a new world but both sexes have not learned how to handle the equal power shift. Some women take it too far and come across controlling and some men are still from the old school where they think women should be in career status or “wifely duties.”
With any big change there is an adjustment period but there is always some good that comes out of it. Men are fighting back in divorce court and obtaining their rights financially and as fathers with child custody and better visitation with their children. Women are finally getting paid the same amount for the same job as their male colleagues, which is also a great change. Now we just need to get both sexes talking and appreciating each other!
So what can you do to change this for yourself Nathan?
1. Stand out and be different from everyone else. Be that fun guy that people want to be around.
2. Don’t let other people’s negativity make you negative.
3. Stop going out with the guys that are being nasty towards women and find other non judgmental people to socialize with.
4. Vancouver has numerous meet-up groups that are always short of men! I go to a few myself and there are some amazing ladies in the room! It is less intimidating for women to meet a guy in a causal setting than in some obvious pickup venue.
5. Start talking to women everywhere you go; a smile and a hello goes a lot further than you think. If they ignore you that’s their problem. Don’t make it yours. Continuing to be friendly and personal, will open up the communication lines and at the very least put you in a better head space.
6. When your buddies start talking crap about women, take the opposite approach and turn the conversation around into a positive direction. Misery loves company and if you don’t partake in their rants, they will eventually stop doing it in front of you.
Don’t ever give up on love. If it were always easy to find, it wouldn’t be as valuable. Meeting someone to have as a life-long partner is not a simple task and nor should it be. It is a journey with lots of forks in the road which is the pattern of life in general. (Understanding early which path to take, will make life less stressful.) Keep believing, stay optimistic and remove yourself away from people that bring you down. Changing your environment will bring you healthy rewards.
How Do You Know if Your Relationship is in Trouble?
What are the signs?
• The most obvious sign is a change in your sex life. There is a lack of sex or very little romance. They may even make excuses to go to bed at a different time.
• You can walk around naked & they hardly notice.
• When you do have sex it is more of a 2 minute happy ending scenario with little or no foreplay.
• Kissing is almost nil or just a polite peck on the cheek.
• The spark is no longer in their eyes…You don’t want each other lustfully across the room anymore.
• The communication is lacking; they are not listening or paying attention to the small details the way they used to. It has taken on almost a clinical feel when they talk to you
• Their workload has increased or their sports/hobby has all of a sudden become more demanding (so hey say) & you are spending much less time together.
• They start to pull back from your family and close friends.
• Their appearance has changed! (Usually for the better.)
Paying attention to your relationship and the subtle changes will keep you on top of what might need addressing before it is too late to fix it. Many couples breakup due to the smallest details that eventually became huge problems they couldn’t overcome. I have talked to a great number of men and women about how they felt completely blindsided when their partner left them; because they saw no signs at all!
There are always signs!
One of the worst things you can do is become lazy in your relationship. Assuming everything is fine or being complacent about sex or communication is a sure way to the demise of your relationship. Boredom is one of the key reasons people walk away from anything in life, but throw in a partner who just doesn’t seem to care or takes you for granted on top of it and you have the ingredients for another failed relationship. If you slacked off at work and became an apathetic employee you would be fired because you are not respecting your job or your environment. This is the same thing in a romantic partnership ~ it needs to be nurtured!
Seriously, what does “We are taking a break in our relationship” really mean?
This video from 5 years ago is still a very popular topic today! I wanted to re-post due to all the ongoing comments about this video on my YouTube channel. I am not usually as opinionated on my show but this conversation always gets me going!
So many people are into taking a break in their relationship today! How do they get away with their partners being OK with it? Isn’t this the same as having your cake & eating it too? The best of both worlds?
Isn’t this is just a cowards way of eventually ending a relationship because they don’t want to be alone right away & they can keep their options open? Both sexes initiate this scenario today, especially in the millennial crowd.
Wouldn’t it be better to stay single & date rather than have to hurt someone in this manner? It is not a nice place to be; waiting on the sidelines for someone and it is seldom reciprocated where both people in the partnership are on board with this.
What are some of the reasons that your partner wants to take a break?
They are easing into a full time breakup.
It can be used as a threatening ultimatum tool to get something more out of the relationship that they are not receiving.
It allows more nights out with friends or separate vacations.
Stalls the marriage discussions.
Keeps you guessing by playing hard to get. Might be trying to take back some power in the relationship.
Being the one always in control.
They have health issues or heavy stress in their lives & can’t cope.
They like you but are not in love with you.
They just really want the best of both worlds!
Ultimately taking a break means the relationship is pretty much over. If you are bored, or have fallen out of love, what is a break going to do? You can’t force yourself to love them.
If you take a break & then end up getting married down the road, it often ends up in divorce because the same problems are still there that always have been. People do not change that much and if something is missing in the partnership, it is usually a compatibility issue.
If you do agree to a Break, what are the RULES?
Are you allowed to date or have sex with others?
Do you see each other at all during this break?
Is there regular communication or are you completely cut off from each other?
Are you still having sex with them sporadically? (If so are you OK with basically being demoted to a booty call?)
How long is the break for? Is there a set time limit?
This scenario is really not a good situation to fall into. You are temporarily on hold so they can do there own thing or so they can open the doors to finding someone else. There is a chance that they may “settle back in with you” after they have had their fun but will you ever feel good about that?
Could you trust that they really love you or will there always be an insecurity that it will happen again?
Don’t allow yourself to be number two. If a relationship is right, it really isn’t that much work. When two people really love each other they love their time together!
If you are at the stage where you want to take a break in your relationship you should be honest with yourself and clarify what it is you really want. So many people have made angry comments about this video but they are always the ones that initiated the break!
Ending a relationship with someone gives both people a chance at a new beginning but asking your partner to “take a break” is not fair to them. They are put in a position of hanging around waiting for you to decide whether you want to be with them or not. How is that cool? Don’t you honestly think it is a little selfish?
So the next time someone asks you to “take a break,”ask them what they really mean. If you decide to honor their wishes, tell them there will be no contact, no booty calls, no texting, nothing! It’s a total break not a partial break. They can’t have it both ways.
