Dear Sybersue,
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months now. He hasn’t said the “L” word at all yet. We have an amazing relationship and see each other 4- 5 times a week. I feel like he is falling in love with me by certain things that he does or says but I don’t want to assume anything.
I’m supposed to wait until he says “I Love You” first, right?
A friend told me that some guys wait until they are with someone at least a year before saying anything. That seems like such a long time! Is that true???
Niki
Dear Niki,
There are so many factors that play a part in the answer to your question. Six months is usually the time frame to start to “base the reality of your relationship” because we can all be on good behavior for 3 or 4 months.
It is what happens after that time frame that becomes the true test of a relationship.
I respect your boyfriend for not blurting out the “L” word too soon as so many guys think they have to say it in the first two months, whether it is sincerely meant or not.
Saying that; I personally I think a year is a long time not to hear these words if you are in a committed relationship and seeing each other often.
When two people really LOVE each other it is harder not to say “I Love you” than to say it.
This is going to sound sexist but I have always preferred it when the man leads with saying it first. Some guys get scared off by aggressive women who say “I Love you,”too quickly. Of course this isn’t set in stone and today things are different in the relationship world.
It is up to you to weigh that out in your own personal relationship.
If you are the one who ends up saying it first and he runs in the opposite direction after 6 months, then sadly, you will have your answer with where your partnership stands at the present time.
Many women become emotionally connected too soon when there is great sex involved and “think” they are in love; when in fact they have fallen in “lust!” When men finally say “I Love You” after an extended period of time, they usually mean it.
Is it really important to you that he says it right now, with how great things are going between you both? In answer to your question Niki, I would be patient a little while longer as he seems like a wonderful guy who greatly respects you and is committed to you.
After a few months if you are really concerned about where you stand with him, gently ask him how he feels about you. You have a right to know where your future stands with him.
Maybe there is something he is afraid of from his past relationships or his family life? These questions below are something that you should know about him and they will help you to understand him better.
- Was he deeply hurt by a woman before?
- Has he ever been in love? (He may have commitment issues or emotional demons.)
- Was his childhood a happy place?
- Is he close to his parents and has a healthy relationship with them?
- Does he show love to other people in his life? In other words is he capable of showing that side of himself or is he removed?
- Is he affectionate with you and are you sexually compatible together?
If he is a happy guy & comfortable in his own skin, then he is probably just making sure that when he does tell you he loves you, it is the perfect time to do so. If he is loving, holds your hand, compliments you often, puts you first and is proud to be with you, he is definitely on the path to saying it soon!
Listen to your intuition in the next few months & watch his body language as well. You don’t want to be the last to know you are “Mrs. Right Now” and he just “really likes you.” Nor do you want to spend 2 years with someone only to find out he is happy being in a “friends with benefits” based scenario.
I strongly disagree with giving a man an ultimatum scenario as you really want him to be with you on his own accord & not forced into a marriage or commitment.
What does your gut really say? Your instincts are seldom wrong & truly are your best guide. Listen carefully. Most of those wrong decisions we make in our lives is due to ignoring those powerful spidey-senses.
Please watch the video below for further for more on this blog article:
Wishing you much love ❤ & happiness Niki ~ Keep me posted!!
Thanks for writing.
xo Sybersue
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