Single? Ladies Don’t be Sad on Valentine’s Day

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Dear Sybersue,

Oh God, it’s that dreadful time of year again where I feel even lonelier than every other day of the year being single. February 14th and all the romantic hype is a reminder of how alone I really am!  It is a very depressing day for me.

I am a 28 year old fairly attractive outgoing woman living in Toronto and in desperate need of some advice on how to get through the “wrath of cupid” every year on this day!

Help!

Single Samantha

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤  ❤

Dear Samantha,

I have this conversation with women all the time and I am sure single guys probably feel the void as well but just don’t vocalize it.

The one thing I always did when I was single on Valentines’ Day was to go out & socialize! “Screw Cupid, he can shove the arrow right up his a#s!” I usually went to a lounge or Pub that had less of a romantic setting with pool tables, dart boards & other manly attractions.

It was interesting to see how many other people showed up as well! You are pretty much guaranteed that everyone who is not with a partner in the room on Valentine’s Day…is single! That can be a great time to meet someone!

Going out for a coffee or a movie with a girlfriend is also a great way to not give into the BS of February 14th only being a date night! Don’t be afraid to be seen without a man on your arm. Go out and show your confidence on this annoying relationship celebration! You are proud to be single and not settling with someone just to be in a couple’s scenario. You are waiting for real love! ❤  

Hibernating and feeling sad at home means you are giving into this holiday stereotype and letting Hallmark & other marketing scams work their financial rewards. Be a rebel and stand tall!

You are a fantastic person whether you are single or not. Do not ever let a relationship define who you are!

Being single has many benefits that a lot of married people will occasionally yearn for!

Here are 12 things to think about that will help you deal with Feb 14th

  1. You can do whatever you want whenever you want & be spontaneous!
  2. Girl’s night out can happen often and without having to plan it 2-3 weeks in advance or without having to get permission from a partner.
  3. It doesn’t matter what goes on in Vegas ~ you can be as bad as you want!
  4. You can order “take out” every night and never use your oven!
  5. You don’t have to shave your legs or get a Brazilian & you can wear your comfortable “big girl panties” without being judged!
  6. You can watch, The Bachelor, The Young & Restless, The Breakup or any chick flick you want! You are in charge of the remote!
  7. You don’t have to watch Dick Flicks!
  8. You can put a 6 pack of beer in the fridge on Friday and there will be 4 bottles left on Monday!
  9. You have complete control of the house temperature & the bed covers!
  10. Your toilet seat will always remain in the downward position.
  11. Your newspaper/magazines will never end up in the bathroom & remain on the coffee table completely intact.
  12. The only snoring or farting you hear will be your own. 🙂

 Now get off the couch Samantha, be proud you are single & go out for a fun Valentine’s Day!

❤ Hugs & hearts, Sybersue ❤

Relationships: My Girlfriend is Losing Interest! What Should I do?

Relationships: My Girlfriend is Losing Interest! What Should I do?

Dear Sybersue:

My girlfriend of 2 months is starting to pull away from me with no reason that I can think of. She just started not returning my texts and saying she was busy all the time. We started out so well and everything just clicked between us!

She is 38 ( I am 35) and has dated a lot over the years but has never really had a long term boyfriend. I did see a few things early on that made me question her commitment to me but I didn’t pressure her with questions and just kept things going in a non-aggressive way so that she had some space.

Unfortunately that doesn’t seem to be working and I feel her moving further and further away from me.

I have fallen pretty hard for her! What should I do?

Cory B.

Hi Cory B,

Thanks for your question and I can tell you that you are not alone with this inquiry! I have had 5 similar emails in the last few months from both men & women.

It is a confusing time in the land of dating & relationships and there are more mixed signals than ever before! Part of the reason for this is the lack of real communication skills many people have from spending so much time online, rather that in a face to face scenario.

When we finally meet someone that excites us we go “all in” like a Texas holdem poker game betting on something we don’t know the outcome of but looks really good at the time!

Taking a chance on love is a good thing but we have to be smart and listen to our instincts before we invest our heart fully into this person we don’t know yet.

You said there were a few red flags that you noticed early on but you chose to sweep them aside. You also said she hasn’t had any real committed partnerships. Do you know why this is?  Have you actually asked her why she is pulling back?

When love is real there aren’t a lot of questions or any game playing. That is because there is a reciprocated respect for each other.

It is not your place to try to fix her or spend years trying to figure out why may be commitment phobic. All you can do is be honest with how you feel and if she is not into a relationship she needs to tell you.

The 3-6 month mark in a relationship is usually when things either start to improve or dissolve between a couple. If you are questioning everything between the two of you after 2 months together, you may already have your answer with which direction you are headed towards.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

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Dear Sybersue: Women are Fake and Only into Using Men!

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Hi Sybersue,

I know this email is not going to be pleasant but then I don’t feel like sugar coating my feelings right now!

I am angry and so fed up with fake women! I am starting to dislike the entire female population! What gives them the right to treat men like sh*t and then just walk away when they have used you for whatever they can get out of you?

I am a decent looking guy who makes a good living, but the women I meet are all takers & only into money or status! I meet women online and in social settings and I can honestly lump them all into the same category regardless of the environment.

I know I vented on your YouTube channel about this and I apologize for being a hot head but I just can’t take the BS women are handing out to men these days. I am not the only one who feels this way & it is a regular conversation with my buddies as well.

What the Hell is going on & why have women changed so much?  I just want to meet a woman who knows how to put her man first and appreciate who he is without so much judgement or expectations.

Thanks Sue

Brad85

Dear Brad85,

Hi Brad! OK since you decided to be blunt here on my advice column & my YouTube Channel I will give you the same courtesy.

Your anger is repelling the “amazing women” away from you and bringing you more of what you don’t want in your life because of it. You are repeating a pattern rather than learning from something that isn’t working for you.

Why do you think it should be so easy to meet someone to share your life with?

We usually marry only once in our lifetime so the odds of going through some undesirable dating, is pretty normal I would say. The trick here though Brad; is not to repeat spending time with the same type of women. There is something that you are doing to attract these “money hungry user” girls into your existence.

You say women have changed but maybe it is you who needs to change as well.

Haven’t you noticed when you write angry things on YouTube that you get more angry comments in return? Whether they are against you or for you, the comments are still in the anger mode.

Well… that is what you are also projecting in “face to face” social settings. It is like you are looking for these demanding women to prove your point.

You said you don’t like judgmental women so don’t lump all women into the judgmental “same category!” Try dating someone completely different from your usual selection; because I will bet you have a predetermined female type that you are not even aware of.

BOTH men and women have changed over the years and it is up to us individually, who we allow into our lives.

You must be a pro at seeing the “high maintenance red flags” so move on quickly when you see them. Read between the lines on dating profiles and look closely at their photos. The old cliché “pictures are worth a thousand words” is very true in the Millennium! (15 sexy selfies would be your first clue.)

It sounds like you want love in your life or you wouldn’t have written me in frustration, so in order for it to come to you; your mindset has to change to believe you can have it.

Women will not use you if you don’t let them use you.

Stop sabotaging things and try to have a positive outlook towards women. Lose the attitude that all women are the same; because I can assure you they are not! The minute you start understanding that is when the right one will be drawn towards you.

Think about it; would you be attracted to a woman who is angry?

Try these 5 Things to Help Change Up Your Love Life:

  • Watch your body language. Be Open & Friendly.
  • Watch what you say and do all the time! Be aware of how you come across.
  • Stop putting out any negative thoughts.
  • Broaden your friendship circle with positive people only.
  • Know that you are a great guy worthy of a loving partnership.

The less time you spend saying how things aren’t working, the more things will start to work and come together for you in the future. It’s not working for you this way so why not try a different approach?  It really is a much happier place to be.

Keep me posted & let me know how things are going. I think you will be writing me back soon with some good news!

Sybersue ❤

What do you think about Brad’s comments?                                                                            What other suggestions would you have for him? 

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

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Dear Sybersue ~ Why Do I Always Meet Manipulative Girls Who Treat Me Like Sh#t?

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Dear Sybersue,

I always seem to meet lying and manipulative girls who treat me like shit even though I’m a great guy.

Why is that?

I  recently gave the same girl 3 different chances to stop treating me like crap, yet she was soon back to her old ways. This has happened numerous times with other women I have dated. I don’t understand girls, why are they all like this?

Thanks for your feedback!

MN

Dear MN,

Not all women are like this, just the ones you are dating at the moment. I would be curious to see what these girls look like. You may be prioritizing the physical attraction & ignoring the red flags of their true character on the first few dates. When we are sexually drawn to someone we tend to let a lot of things slide in the beginning & overlook obvious warning signs.

Giving someone 3 chances “to be a good person” is too many.  They should be wonderful right from the start & treat you well or you need to walk away.

You are sending off some signal for these type of women to notice you & you may want to analyze that to some degree. I’m not sure how old you are but we do tend to deal with this scenario a lot more in our early twenties than any other time in our life. This is the experimental stage of life &  there can be lots of emotional scaring while we are learning about ourselves and what we truly want in our lives.

Attracting & choosing this type of woman can also stem from an abandonment issue, an unloving childhood situation or bad role models. (Or in many cases, no role models and little guidance in your youth.)

Talk to someone non-judgmental that you can really trust & confide in and maybe they can help you see a pattern that you have created. It is difficult to see these traits in ourselves but the sooner we know why we are repeatedly dating the wrong people is the day we can find real love and a happy relationship.

Having boundaries, believing you are worthy of love and always respecting yourself first, will eventually stop these girls from coming towards you.

Thanks for writing MN,

Sybersue @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Dear Sybersue: Women Confuse The Crap Out Of Me!

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Dear Sybersue,

OK bear with me while I vent a little here. Grrrrrrr

I am a decent looking guy in my early 30’s that is single but ready to find that special woman to settle down with. I usually meet women online and Tinder seems to be the App that I use most frequently.  I know it is not everyone’s choice but I like the simplicity of it. (OK saying that out loud makes me sound a little shallow doesn’t it; sort of like I don’t want to put in too much effort?)  I’m actually not a bad guy but like most men we are not into anything complicated, especially in the female department!

So; my questions are:

  • Why do women text so often and expect an instant reply every time?
  • Why do they pretend to like certain things that I like in the beginning, but actually have no interest in them after we have established a connection?
  • Why are they so easy to get into bed but play the high maintenance card in all other areas?

I have spoken with many of my male friends regarding these questions and none of us know the answers, or how to meet a quality “drama free” lady that we can share our lives with. Women seem to be clones of each other today; all acting alike and looking alike too!

What should I do differently to attract someone who is not a fake like all these online ladies I am meeting right now.

Thank you Sybersue!

Ben H.

Dear Ben,

I chose your email to post online due to the amount of other men writing me with similar questions.

It is not an easy time in our new world of technology communication and our human etiquette skills are buried under our keyboards and smart phones. We are losing our way and becoming disconnected in non-existent discussions due to the lack of meeting in face to face scenarios.

Our expectations are over the top and our patience levels are minimal. We want it NOW and if a few things aren’t perfect we move on to the next swipe on our phone or a new profile photo on various dating sites.

I will answer your questions in order that you asked them:

Answer to #1 Question: Why do women text so often and expect a reply instantly every time?

  • Women like to know you are thinking about them…a lot!
  • She is trying to be playful with the texts and is looking for a response from you that shows you really like her.
  • Some women are more aggressive than others but it’s up to you from that first date to let her know truthfully whether you are interested or not. Don’t pretend if you’re not; move on! Be upfront but gentle but don’t just stop texting or ghost her.
  • Don’t leave her with questions. If you enjoyed the date, tell her that you would like to see her again and phone her with a plan for a few days down the road.
  • Tell her you are too busy at work to text back & forth all day and you will contact her when you have time later in the day.
  • Watch for red flags on the first date. Is she needy, does she tell you every little thing about herself and what she wants in her 5 year plan?
  • Be careful what signs you give her early on. If she thinks you are really interested in her it will give her the green light to pursue it further with you. Tell her you prefer to take things slow and you are not into a fast courtship. If she continues to be pushy after all of the above, it is time for you to end things.
  • If you are really not that interested do not have sex with her. Some women become very attached emotionally after being intimate with a man.

Answer to #2 Question: Why do they pretend to like certain things that I like in the beginning but actually have no interest in them after we have established a connection?

  • I think both sexes are a little guilty of doing this. We want to impress each other so much in the beginning that we get a little over excited and exaggerate about our hobbies, passions and activities. Some women say they like something to keep you interested so that you will call them again.
  • She could be truthfully interested in something you like doing but may not be very good at it; so she makes excuses why she can’t do it at that particular time you ask her.
  • She could just be fake and saying anything what you want to hear to get your attention.
  • If it is something that is really important to you and your future relationship, you will need to push the interest level and call her bluff on it. Waiting a year down the road and then realizing you are opposites in many ways, will end up causing big problems or the end of you as a couple!
  • Listen closely to what she says and always be aware of the truth and her sincerity by paying attention to your instincts. Your gut is seldom wrong!

Answer to #3 Question: Why are women so easy to get into bed but play the high maintenance card in all other areas?

  • This one baffles me a lot too but there are two main reasons that women sleep with men so quickly. The first one is because they think men will run away if they don’t have sex on the first night and the second reason is they think it gives them more power with you. Once they have shown you their “worldly goods” you owe them something in return.
  • Some women use this sex weakness (sorry guys, it had to be said) to get financial rewards. Once they establish a certain system with you & your wallet, it becomes an expectation.
  • Don’t pay for everything and she will not be allowed to be high maintenance. If you want to find out if she is with you because she actually “likes you for you,” then don’t be so willing to give her everything on a silver platter before you even know her. Some guys like to show off a little in the beginning but it sets the wrong precedence and changes the dynamics in the early stages of what could have been a partnership.
  • Make sure you are not choosing the same type of women all the time and getting yourself into a pattern. We often don’t see this within ourselves and it is the reason we continually get frustrated when our dating life continues to disappoint us. If you are always attracted to the perfect “10” female with looks being the top priority, you will end up back in the high maintenance category over and over again.
  • Revise your checklist! Even if you don’t have one down on paper, just thinking about ALL the things you want in a woman could be jeopardizing your happiness. You could actually be the one that is high maintenance.

Don’t ever give up on Love. ❤ Be honest with yourself and what you are really looking for in a partner. You are in charge of who you attract towards you so you may have to change up your thought process to bring that special woman towards you.

It does take two to make a relationship work so try to remember that you are the one responsible with who you are meeting and allowing into your life. If it’s not working then you have nothing to lose by changing it up.

Most women are wonderful and really do want a loving man to share their world with. If you want a nice girl who is compatible with you and fun to be around, put it out there and visualize her! Knowing what you want is half the dating battle because most people talk about what they don’t want in a relationship but seldom talk about the positive things that they do want.

Let me know what transpires in the next few months. I will look forward to hearing how things are going for you romantically.

Wishing you love and happiness always. ❤

Sybersue

Dear Sybersue: I am Tired of Babysitting my Drunk Older Sister Every Weekend!

Dear Sybersue: I am Tired of Babysitting my Drunk Older Sister Every Weekend!

Dear Sybersue answers a question from Concerned Sister about her older sister’s drinking habits!

She is concerned about her 24 year old sister Sandy and her weekend binge drinking! Concerned sister has to be responsible for sneaking her constantly drunk sister into the house late at night without their strict parents finding out. She had told Sandy that she has had it and is tired of having her own weekends ruined so she can babysit her older sister! It sickens her to see how destructive Sandy had become with her reputation among her friends and others who regularly see her in this condition.

She wants to know what Dear Sybersue would say to her!

The Dear Sybersue Lifestyle Talk Show

 

I am a Married Escort Mutually in Love with my Client

Ashley proofs

Dear SyberSue,

This letter will raise any number of red flags with you and your readers so I would understand if you decide not to publish it. It proves that some stereotypes are not true and that some taboos can be broken.

I used to be a school teacher in London. I did it for almost two decades in some of the toughest areas of the city. It was challenging and fulfilling work but I was barely able to make ends meet. Every month I struggled to pay the mortgage, the bills and put food on the table. I married another teacher at the age of 36 and had two wonderful children but we eventually and tragically fell out of love with each other. Circumstances being what they are, we still live together as a family but my husband and I have gone our separate ways emotionally. It was during my second pregnancy that my husband stopped touching me.

Five years ago three things happened to me. I picked up that ‘masterpiece’ by E L James and read it in one sitting by the light of a torch in our garden. Then I met a man who was the first to touch me with passion in years. Although it was a short-lived relationship, he transformed me and made me believe in myself. I lost a stone and a half and started paying attention to my appearance. Then I made a decision that life was too short to live in misery so I hung out a sign on the internet and transformed myself into a mature escort. I did this with both my husband’s and my mother’s knowledge. It was something my husband actually encouraged because he knew I would bring more money into the household. I knew I would be a success because I enjoy sex in all its permutations and men can sense that.

Escorting is not as glamorous as one would think and it is certainly not as horrible as some imagine. In reality, I am just an upscale prostitute, albeit a few years older than most of the women in the business. I work out of a flat in London. Over the years my clientele has grown to the point where I see four or five regulars a day and maybe one curious newcomer.

I make about £700 a day, which is more than I made as a teacher in a week. The sex doesn’t fit the stereotype that many people imagine. It can be average and it can be mind blowing. I don’t do this work just to make money; I honestly enjoy giving physical pleasure and receiving pleasure in return.

The one stereotype about being an escort that does ring true is that virtually all my clients are married and cheating on their wives. That was true for my first two years as an escort up until one day three years ago when something truly magical happened: an American man named Jeff walked in the door and gave me the honour of being the first woman to touch him erotically since his wife passed away a number of years previously. He came to see me because he wanted a physical relationship with no emotional ties. That’s not how it worked out at all.

I don’t know how to adequately describe Jeff. He is six years younger than me, five times brighter and literally the sort of man that make women gasp when he walks in a room. He is not tremendously wealthy but he is very well off and his success comes from his creativity and his wonderfully complex mind. I didn’t fall in love with Jeff first, but he fell for me the moment we were first together. It didn’t take long for me to follow suit.

The truth is that we didn’t have full blown sex until a week after we met. The first time he saw me we just talked for three hours straight, touching each other. It was our third appointment when he gave himself to me fully. Jeff is the sort of man that takes pleasure in giving pleasure and our physical relationship is right off the scale. Although this may sound like mystical rubbish, right at the start, Jeff felt it was if he was destined to be with me. I knew from the beginning that I was the one chosen to heal his heart.

Jeff is not conflicted about what I do for a living. In fact he finds it tremendously erotic and, to this day, he generously pays for his time with me, always in an envelope with a nice card. He also showers me with gifts, takes me shopping and we holiday together. I spend two or three nights a week at his flat and have met his children and his friends, all of whom, up to recently, were completely unaware of how I make my living. We have been seeing each other for three years and he has remained faithful to me. As hypocritical as it sounds, it would break my heart if he slept with another woman.

When we are out together with his friends, both male and female, I have always been aware of the barely concealed envy the women in the room have about me. Here I am a few years older than Jeff, of dubious origins and I’ve snatched away their prize. There has always been a lot of curiosity about me. The fact that I am still married but obviously in love with another man who dotes on me has brought out the green monster of jealousy in many of the women, particularly those who were friends with his late wife.

What Jeff and I knew would inevitably happen, has now come to pass. In the last few days I have been getting phone calls through the number I work through from women I vaguely know through Jeff. They have become increasingly nasty and vitriolic. They claim that my relationship with Jeff has stopped him remarrying and finding happiness and they have called me all sorts of derogatory names.

The fact that I am now ‘outed’ doesn’t bother Jeff in the least. I admire that in him so much and it makes me love him more. The truth is I know that Jeff would propose to me at the drop of a hat if I hinted to him that I wanted us to be married. He would love to know that we will be together for the rest of our lives.

As unusual as our relationship is, it works. I don’t want to disrupt my children’s lives. They are happy with the arrangement between my husband and me. They have never met Jeff but they have heard about him. I know his children and their nanny although they have no idea what I do for a living, but they are aware I am married. I do tuck them in at night when I am over and do in many ways feel that they are now my children too.

The question I have for you is should I divorce my husband, prompt a proposal from Jeff and marry him? It would have to be a sort of hybrid marriage for a few years, at least until my children were mature enough to deal with the situation. If I were to do this I would split my time between Jeff and my home and carry on with my work. I know Jeff would love this to happen and it wouldn’t break my husband’s heart, as long as he knew that I was paying for the mortgage and the children.

It is my 46th birthday coming up and if I told Jeff to get me an engagement ring it would make him the happiest man in the world. Furthermore, I would love to flash it at those bitches who think I am not good enough to have their golden boy.

Heidi

Hi Heidi,

I appreciate that you were detailed in your email to me about what has transpired in your life and how you got to where you are now. Things have changed a lot for you in the last few years!

You have been with Jeff for 3 years spending 2-3 nights a week with him and holidaying with him as well. How does that time away work with your own family? You are living a double live and they are not really in the loop about what is going on, nor are you there at home with them 100%. I am not judging you but just stating the circumstances and asking the questions most people would ask without sugar-coating it.

Your question about whether you should divorce your husband and marry Jeff is not something I can answer for you but I can make you think about a few things that could help you with your decision.

Some things to think about or ask yourself: (Bear with me on some of the tough questions that I have to ask.)

1) It sounds like your own marriage is only surviving due to the finances you bring to the table. Forgive me for this but your husband is basically “pimping you out” and is completely alright with you sleeping with other men & having a relationship with Jeff, as long as you bring home the money. We can all agree that your marriage is definitely not a love partnership. Is your husband seeing someone else as well, since you don’t have sex together?

2) How will you continue to do your escort business if you decide to marry Jeff? Why would you want to? Have you discussed this completely? He may feel differently once you are committed in a marriage to him.

3) Why get married if you have to live apart? Why not just keep things the way they are?

4) Are you prepared to maybe lose custody of your children should your husband get angry? It does sound like he would be OK with you leaving if you continued to pay the bills, but if you decide to stop doing that, things could change in a big way. Why do you think your children are OK with this arrangement you & your husband have? The situation takes their mom away from them on a regular basis and many children would have some abandonment issues regarding this.

5) Marrying Jeff will cause a huge problem with his friends and maybe his children, since you are still planning on being an escort.  Are you OK with how this may affect Jeff? I am not sure the women are as jealous or envious as you say they are but maybe more concerned that you are married and seeing their good friend while living the life of an escort. They could just sincerely be looking out for his & the children’s welfare.

If you are being really honest with yourself, on paper you know you aren’t the textbook new wife that his friends and family might be happy to embrace into their world. I know you love each other but they only see what they perceive as the scandalous side of your lifestyle and not how you truly are as a couple. Regardless of how they may feel about you they have no right to call your work with these nasty & harassing comments. That is childish and immature on their part!

6) None of the children know that you are an escort but they will down the road, especially due to the fact that almost everyone else knows now. Are they going to be able to handle that and how will that change your relationship with them?

I am ALL about being with the person you love and not spending time in dead end scenarios. Your marriage is more of a business friendship but you seem to love Jeff unconditionally. You are emotionally and physically connected and are both committed to this 3 year partnership. You will definitely have some obstacles that will cause problems should you decide to get married so you have “a lot” to discuss and work out; but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it.

You need to find a way to make Jeff’s friends accept you so that Jeff can still have a relationship with them, that is if he still wants to. (That may mean leaving your escort job which would also be easier on the children too.) Be the better person and don’t let these women get to you anymore. Maybe have a talk with them and tell them you are very sincere with the love you have with Jeff, and as a woman you understand their protective concerns. Don’t react when they make comments or when they try to rile you up. Be indifferent to them but be polite. They may come around if you don’t give them anything to talk about, or at the very least they will stop harassing you.

You met Jeff for a reason one way or another. Whether he is your soulmate or here to help you get out of a loveless marriage, there is something for you to understand about yourself by having him in your life.

Lastly; when deciding what you want for your future, always remember that children see and feel a lot more than we give them credit for; even at a very young age. They pick up on so much more than we adults will ever realize. This can shape them into who they become as they get older by witnessing their parents behaviors, morals and values.

Parents are the teachers as to how their children view the world. They need to come first over anything else that crosses your path but that doesn’t mean you have to stay in an unhappy and love-less environment for 20 years until they leave home.  Love them first but be true to yourself at the same time.

Sybersue 🙂