Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend Has Not Told Me He Loves Me After 6 Months

Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend Has Not Told Me He Loves Me After 6 Months

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Dear Sybersue,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months now.  He hasn’t said the “L” word at all yet.  We have an amazing relationship and see each other 4- 5 times a week. I feel like he is falling in love with me by certain things that he does or says but I don’t want to assume anything.

I’m supposed to wait until he says “I Love You” first, right?

A friend told me that some guys wait until they are with someone at least a year before saying anything. That seems like such a long time! Is that true???

Niki

Dear Niki,

There are so many factors that play a part in the answer to your question. Six months is usually the time frame to start to “base the reality of your relationship” because we can all be on good behavior for 3 or 4 months.

It is what happens after that time frame that becomes the true test of a relationship.

I respect your boyfriend for not blurting out the “L” word too soon as so many guys think they have to say it in the first two months, whether it is sincerely meant or not.

Saying that; I personally I think a year is a long time not to hear these words if you are in a committed relationship and seeing each other often.

When two people really LOVE each other it is harder not to say “I Love you” than to say it.

This is going to sound sexist but I have always preferred it when the man leads with saying it first. Some guys get scared off by aggressive women who say “I Love you,”too quickly.  Of course this isn’t set in stone and today things are different in the relationship world.

It is up to you to weigh that out in your own personal relationship.

If you are the one who ends up saying it first and he runs in the opposite direction after 6 months, then sadly, you will have your answer with where your partnership stands at the present time.

Many women become emotionally connected too soon when there is great sex involved and “think” they are in love; when in fact they have fallen in “lust!” When men finally say “I Love You” after an extended period of time, they usually mean it.

Is it really important to you that he says it right now, with how great things are going between you both? In answer to your question Niki, I would be patient a little while longer as he seems like a wonderful guy who greatly respects you and is committed to you.

After a few months  if you are really concerned about where you stand with him, gently ask him how he feels about you. You have a right to know where your future stands with him.

Maybe there is something he is afraid of from his past relationships or his family life? These questions below are something that you should know about him and they will help you to understand him better.

  1. Was he deeply hurt by a woman before?
  2. Has he ever been in love? (He may have commitment issues or emotional demons.)
  3. Was his childhood a happy place?
  4. Is he close to his parents and has a healthy relationship with them?
  5. Does he show love to other people in his life?  In other words is he capable of showing that side of himself or is he removed?
  6. Is he affectionate with you and are you sexually compatible together?

If he is a happy guy & comfortable in his own skin, then he is probably just making sure that when he does tell you he loves you, it is the perfect time to do so. If he is loving, holds your hand, compliments you often, puts you first and is proud to be with you, he is definitely on the path to saying it soon!

Listen to your intuition in the next few months & watch his body language as well. You don’t want to be the last to know you are “Mrs. Right Now” and he just “really likes you.” Nor do you want to spend 2 years with someone only to find out he is happy being in a “friends with benefits” based scenario.

I strongly disagree with giving a man an ultimatum scenario as you really want him to be with you on his own accord & not forced into a marriage or commitment.

What does your gut really say? Your instincts are seldom wrong & truly are your best guide. Listen carefully.  Most of those wrong decisions we make in our lives is due to ignoring those powerful spidey-senses.

Please watch the video below for further for more on this blog article:

Wishing you much love ❤ & happiness Niki ~ Keep me posted!!

Thanks for writing.

xo Sybersue

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Should I Tell My Best Friend I Have Feelings For Him?

Should I Tell My Best Friend I Have Feelings For Him?

For those of you here for the first time on my blog, Dear Sybersue is an Informative No BS dating relationship show and advice column for millennials & gen-exers. In today’s weekly video and post I discuss Carries’ question:

Should I Tell My Best Friend I Have Feelings For Him?

Dear Sybersue,

I found you on YouTube and love your show! I like the fact that you are an older woman who has experienced so much in life. My mom passed away about 5 years ago and sometimes I feel very alone when dealing with love and relationships. I miss her wisdom.

My question for you is:

I am having strong feelings for my best friend Kevin who 31 years old.  I am 28 and have known him for just over a year. We see each other all the time as well as texting each other often throughout the day!

Just to be clear, I didn’t go into this with any expectations other than having a platonic friendship with him.

I wasn’t interested in a relationship at the time when we first met through our mutual friends, but we have so much in common that it’s changed the course of my initial feelings for him.

I am also very physically attracted to him! 

I am not sure how he feels about me although he does playfully flirt once in awhile; at the same time he seems to keep a careful distance from me. Does that make sense or am I being delusional? Perhaps wishful thinking on my part?

I don’t know how much longer I can go on pretending that we are just buddies but I don’t want to lose our amazing friendship either. We are both single and live in the same city so there isn’t anything standing in our way.

The chemistry I feel for Kevin is electric and sometimes I just want to rip his clothes off and throw him on the bed! I am surprised he can’t smell my raging pheromones hanging around him like a cat in heat!

Should I tell him how I am feeling about him or would that ruin everything? What if he doesn’t feel anything for me? What should I do?

Thanks Sybersue, Carrie 

Please watch the video above to hear what Sybersue has to say on the subject.

Sybersue Loves to hear from both men and women & will always take time to answer you back. Please leave your comments below!

Sybersue xo ❤

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My Ex and I Are Living Together For the Sake of the Kids. How do we make this work?

My Ex and I Are Living Together For the Sake of the Kids. How do we make this work?

Dear Sybersue is an Informative and very REAL dating relationship coach and advice columnist for men & women!

In today’s blog post and video I answer Sherry’s question:

Dear Sybersue

My Ex and I are living together for the sake of the kids. How do we make this work? We don’t have the money to live separately right now as I am not working. Our kids are still little and my Ex and I decided before we had children that I would stay home with them.

How can I live with him and not go crazy at the same time? We having been cohabitating this way for a year now!

How do I have a fulfilling life while I am still with him?

I am so ready to move on from our marriage but this living together scenario is cramping any chance I have of doing that! The kids don’t know a lot about what’s going on and we just go through the day trying not to argue with each other.  We just don’t get along and seeing him every day just makes me resent him even more.

How do I deal with this and keep myself in a positive space?

Sherry

Dear Sherry,

This “type of living arrangement” is way more common than you might think. With rent and housing increases creeping uncontrollably into our financial resources, it is causing a big problem with many people today!

Singles are now forced to take on a roommate or a home stay student just so they can eat and clothe themselves. Throw a few kids into the mix and it is borderline poverty for many single parents.

The priority for you right now Sherry is to get back out in the work field so you are not reliant on your Ex.

Maybe try something part time while you figure out daycare and adjust to working again. I am not sure what expertise you have but maybe you could start a home business of some sort so you could still be with the kids most of the time.

Talk to some other single moms who may be in the same boat and maybe you can collaborate on some business ideas or at least take turns with babysitting to cut daycare costs down. It would also do you good to get out and be around some adults once in awhile so you are not only dealing with your ex and the children.

You need some outside stimulation to keep your hope and motivation alive. The kids will pick up on your growing resentment towards your ex husband which isn’t healthy for them. You can only fake things for so long!

Have a mature talk with your Ex and figure out a future plan that works for both of you. One of you has to move out!

Take turns having nights out away from each other and the children. Do not fight in front of the kids or talk negatively about each other either. They love both of you even if you have called it quits on loving each other as a couple.

Give yourself a “time line” so it forces you to keep focused on improving your new life ahead and starting over with a fresh attitude. When you can actually visualize the rainbow, the pot of gold will follow.

Don’t give up on your personal happiness and keep taking small steps to change up your scenario. It won’t happen overnight but having weekly goals will definitely bring you closer to moving on to a better place.

Wishing you well and please keep me posted on what you decide to do. ❤

Dear Sybersue ❤

I Love to hear from you! Has this happened to you and how did you deal with this scenario? Please watch the video above and leave your comments below!

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She Blew off our First Date Last Minute! Do I Give Her Another Chance?

She Blew off our First Date Last Minute! Do I Give Her Another Chance?

In today’s video above I discuss Mark’s question about a girl he met online who blew off their first date last minute without even giving him a reason! He wants to know if he should give her another chance and set up another date.

Why is dating in the millennium so difficult and why is there so little respect for other people’s time? 

The biggest problem with meeting someone online is you are not the only person they are communicating with. This leads to fickle behavior due to the other options available! You may be texting them regularly and then all of a sudden things come to a sudden halt between you both for no damn reason that you can see!

This becomes very difficult to deal with and takes a big toll on your self esteem!

Some men and women become addicted to “but what if there is someone better out there,” and keep their dating profile as active as a pin ball machine for fear of missing out on an even better conquest that just might meet there extreme checklist.

The trouble with all of this is that people are lonelier than ever today because there are so many games being played; which sabotages anyone finding a real relationship!

Mark isn’t the only one confused on what to do when someone ghosts you on a date but if you always respect yourself first and pay attention to the early red flags in any dating situation, then you will bring yourself closer to eventually meeting the right person.

The more crap you allow in your life the more crap that seems to happen right?

When you stop giving the wrong people numerous chances to keep proving how wrong they are for you, then you have learned a valuable life lesson!

Don’t pine over someone who ghosted you. You really didn’t know them anyway. Thank “The Universe” that it saved you from having to deal with all the drama that would have certainly unfolded with this person.

You dodged a lot more than a little rejection from someone who obviously is void of human etiquette.

I definitely give my opinion on this question but what would you do? Please watch the video above and leave your comments below!

Dear Sybersue

Susan McCord @  The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show YouTube
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Why Do I Allow My Partner to Hurt Me Over & Over?

Why Do I Allow My Partner to Hurt Me Over & Over?

In today’s weekly blog and video upload I discuss a question from Ellie. She wants to know how to move on from a partnership that is continuously hurtful.

Dear Sybersue,

Why do I keep going back to someone who doesn’t treat me right? Why am I addicted to this person and why can’t I respect myself more in my relationships?

How do I stop being stuck, move on and forgive myself for allowing this behavior from my partner?

He is sarcastic, ridiculing and cuts me down all the time. He breaks up with me for the smallest things and then starts texting me 6 months (or longer) later as if nothing has happened.  Like a fool I keep letting him back into my life!

What’s wrong with me? He isn’t healthy for me!

I need to end things now!

Ellie

Hi Ellie,

Well you are right that you are attracted/addicted to his bad behavior but the good news is that you aren’t in denial about it anymore!

You didn’t mention anything about your past so it is difficult to know your complete story and where your self esteem issues are coming from. There is something buried deep inside of you that thinks you deserve this type of treatment.

A Few Questions to Ask Yourself:

  1. Was there love in your childhood and are you close to your parents & siblings?
  2. Are your parents together or divorced?
  3. Were you bullied in school or did you feel unpopular?
  4. Are you shy and introverted?
  5. Did you deal with a really bad break up previous to your relationship with this man?
  6. Have you experienced any physical abuse?
  7. How often have you had a similar type of partnership such as this; you asked: “why can’t I respect myself more in my relationships?”  Which means this isn’t the first time you have coped with this unhealthy scenario.
  8. Have you ever felt abandoned by anyone in your life?

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Whenever you feel really stuck in any type of hurtful behavioral pattern I strongly suggest seeing a therapist

This isn’t usually isn’t something you can handle by yourself due to the longevity of the problem.  It often needs a professional set of ears to gain some clarity as to what is transpiring within your thought process.

 

You made the effort to write to me so you it sounds like you are ready to make some changes in your life.

It is really important for you to understand that you are in charge of who you’re attracting towards you and it is up to you to change what isn’t working. You have to “get that” for things to improve in your life.

Let me know how things go for you Ellie and thanks for writing!

Sybersue ❤

Please watch the video above for a more detailed answer on this question!

I Love to hear from you all & will always take time to answer you back. Please leave your comments below!

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My Ex Keeps Texting and Wants to See me Before He gets Married!

My Ex Keeps Texting and Wants to See me Before He gets Married!

Here is a question from MK that has me shaking my head. Why does this even happen and where do some people get the balls to do this?

Dear Sybersue,

After two long years of trying to get over my ex and then dealing with his engagement to a woman 8 months ago, he has recently started contacting me again. I was crushed when I heard he had met someone a year ago and was getting married so quickly after only knowing her for 4 months!

NOW my Ex keeps texting me and wants to see me before he gets married!

Why is he doing that when he is supposedly committed to another woman? His texts are very flirty and somewhat sexually suggestive.

It took me so long to get over him and now he is stirring things up emotionally for me.

How do I handle this?

MK

Please watch the video above to hear what I have to say about MK’s Question. Has this type of scenario happened to you?

Please leave your comments below!

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Susan McCord aka Dear Sybersue

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Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?

Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?

What is wrong with me and why do I keep repeating these same dating patterns?

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Social media and computer dating is becoming the norm with how people interact these days. Mingle meet up groups are trying to make a comeback but people still seem to be stuck to their smart phones rather than being open to meeting in person!

People are lonelier than ever because of how some of these dating websites seem to attract superficial men and women who are just out to play games.

There are some happy endings that eventually transpire but why are there so many more stories that don’t work out?  Why do some people keep enticing a certain negative “type” into their existence,  which continually puts them back out into the dating pool?

If you have met a lot of these unfavorable types, you are doing something to attract them towards you.

Regardless of whether you believe in “The Law of Attraction” there is something to it. Negativity attracts negativity.  Everyone is entitled to finding love, but if you are always repeating the same unfulfilling scenario, how is it beneficial in the long run?

There are many women who only meet “Bad Boys” because they are allowing them to keep coming into their life. For some reason they think it is exciting to be treated like crap.

There are also men that only meet pretentious, materialistic hot women, because they are choosing “her looks” as the top priority.  The end result is both sexes are constantly complaining about each other!

Going for the same brand of person which keeps backfiring into a non-existent love life takes years for some people to figure out. “Changing the pattern will change who you meet.” As simple as that sounds it seems to be the biggest mistake men and women repeatedly make.

Why is that?

Many people react out of anger when something happens that is repetitive and unrewarding in their life. This annoying cycle continues because they don’t understand that they are in denial of their own actions!

When a person becomes jaded or angry about the same thing over and over again, wouldn’t it make sense to investigate why it is affecting them to that level?

I see it all the time on the comment section under some YouTube videos.  So many men and women continually vent their frustrations about the same subject, rather than learning how to deal with why it bothers them so much.

This is especially true regarding both sexes in the dating market. If something isn’t working, isn’t it a good idea to fix it rather than bitching about it to anyone who will listen?

No one wants to hear it except for a few others who are also angry about the same thing.  Misery loves company and saying that, I rest my case…negativity attracts more negativity.

Is it really easier to constantly complain about some things that cause drama in your life than to find a solution that betters your world?

We are all guilty of sounding like a broken record at some point in our lives but the people who quickly understand how dangerously repetitive this is, are the ones who move on to find happiness.

If your love-life sucks, be honest about the part you play in it.

I can’t stress enough that we are all in charge of how our lives evolve and that ultimately the choices we make are ours. Yes, we all land in the school of hard knocks while finding out who we are, but the sooner we learn and own the lesson, the faster we move on to a healthier foundation.

So stop repeating the same old story and quit talking about what you don’t want in your life. Talk about a future relationship like you won a lottery!  Think about all those wonderful things you would be able to do and how positive you would feel with less stress and more love in your life.

Thinking happy thoughts and keeping hope alive helps put out positive vibrations that eventually boomerang back towards you.

There is enough love out there for everyone and you deserve it just as much as anyone else does. You don’t ever have to settle for an unhealthy situation so quit allowing yourself to choose them. ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show

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