How Do I Avoid Dating Commitment Phobic People?

How Do I Avoid Dating Commitment Phobic People?

Dear Sybersue discusses dating issues when it comes to constantly meeting men and women who are commitment phobic!

Dear Sybersue,

Hi Sybersue, I am writing out of pure frustration today to discuss the ever dreaded dating BS of the millennium! I know you have addressed many topics on your YouTube channel but I really want to know how to deal with men who ALL seem to be commitment phobic!

Why are guys even dating if they are not interested in a relationship? Why are they wasting my time? They know I am interested in a partnership and not just a one night stand so why don’t they just go find someone who is into being “their booty call” instead??

I am 23 years old and I have tried dating men of all ages to try to get around this situation. I thought maybe it was just my age group that was the problem, but nope, that’s not the case. It’s an epidemic!

My girlfriends complain about it too, but some of them have been lucky and have found great relationships. What am I missing in the early stages of dating these men and why am I attracting these types who aren’t looking for a committed partnership?

I don’t just give up after the 1st date and try not to be too judgmental too quickly,but the results are the same with all of them so far!

What can I do to meet someone who is sincerely into a commitment without having to go through all the same drama every time I meet a new guy?

Help!

Going Crazy Kristen

Hi Kristen,

This is a popular question that both men and women want answers to. There are plenty of ladies playing the field out there and driving the guys crazy as well. I hear from them all the time here on my advice column.

The trick is to be smart about your dating choices and not spend too much time with men who are not into having a relationship. There are big signs very early on but as you said “you don’t want to be too judgmental too quickly,” so you may be ignoring them.

There is a huge difference between being judgmental and ignoring those big red flags!

You have dated enough to know when a guy is into wanting a relationship or whether he is just there to put another notch on his bed post. Guys aren’t that good at hiding their sexual desires and if you are paying attention, you will see it early so that you can move on a lot faster!

The sooner you remove yourself from this type of men, the sooner you will stop attracting them towards you.

When a new relationship is going in the right direction you don’t have to ask the questions, “Is he interested in me?” “Where is this going?” or “Are we exclusive with each other?” If you have to ask, you need to move on from them.

You should both be in a place where you are on the same page with how you are feeling about each other. Yes, even in the early stages!

You asked why guys are dating if they aren’t into having a relationship and the answer is because there are always women who will give them what they want. (These women are also hoping they will end up in a partnership with them by doing so.)

How often have you thought that maybe you could be the woman who makes them settle down? I think there are many ladies out there that can relate to this statement! There can also be a very powerful chemistry that happens quickly and lures women into a false sense of partnership security.

Kristen, before you jump into bed with anyone you are dating, listen to what he says he wants in his life, watch his body language and keep the chemistry pheromones in check! Many women become very emotionally attached after they are intimate with someone and they get themselves stuck in a dead end scenario that they aren’t happy in.

Also, make sure that you are ready for a relationship. Subconsciously you may not be, and are choosing unavailable men without totally being aware that you are doing this. Make sure you have dealt with the demons of your past partnerships and that there isn’t any unresolved issues that are clouding your dating scenarios.

It’s never too late to do a little emotional housekeeping!

Please watch the video above to see how you can change things up with your dating life and deal with any initial red flags so that you can meet that special person who is also looking for partnership!

Keep me posted Kristen!

Sybersue
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Please leave your comments below on how you dealt with this type of situation in your life.

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Relationship Advice for Men: Why Do I Keep Going Back to my Ex?

Relationship Advice for Men: Why Do I Keep Going Back to my Ex?

In today’s weekly video Dear Sybersue answers Brian’s question:

Dear Sybersue,

“Why do I keep going back to my ex? We have one good month and then 5 or 6 bad months together. We break up but then she starts to contact me again  and I go back for more. She lets me back in as if nothing has happened!

It’s like some kind of back and forth game! The problem is I actually really do miss her after awhile and let her talk me into giving our relationship another chance. This has happened 4 times already!

I compromise trying to make things work but she doesn’t reciprocate so then I get fed up again and leave. What is going on and why can’t I just walk away for good? I feel like a pushover!”

Thanks Sybersue, Brian

Please watch the video above to see what Sybersue has to say to Brian and other people who may be in a similar situation. It is not easy to leave a relationship when you have a history together and we all want to be optimists and hang onto the good parts of what we had.

When a partnership starts to become filled with unhealthy drama then it is time to really assess your reasons for staying.

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How Do I Prevent Losing My Independence in Another Relationship?

How Do I Prevent Losing My Independence in Another Relationship?

Dear Sybersue, 

Why do I keep getting myself into relationships where I lose myself in the process? Why do I end up being there for everything that concerns my partner’s needs while I put myself on the back burner?

This isn’t the first time I have done this and eventually the relationship ends which I assume is due to me being a doormat.  Why can’t I seem to respect myself enough to push my own needs ahead of my partner once in awhile?

Thanks for any advice you have!

Carrie

Hi Carrie,

Thanks so much for your question. There are many other men and women that would like to know the answer to this as well.

Some people are givers and some people are takers and we all know what category you fall into. This is not a bad thing and it just needs to be “tweeked a little” so that your relationship isn’t one sided all the time.

A partner should be an extension of who you are not take away from the person you are.

A great relationship is one where you are both there for each other but you still have your own dreams, goals and separate interests. Of course you should always have each other’s back and support them, but never give up who you are as person for someone else.

Think about this; would you want your partner attached to your hip at every given moment?

After awhile that would get very old and you would start to feel smothered. It is wonderful to have their respect and know that they love you “that much,” but there still needs to be some breathing room in your relationship.

(This also could be a codependent issue where you may need to talk to a therapist about some past issues you may not be aware of or have pushed aside.)

Carrie, you need to get busy with your own life and stop focusing on him so much. Your partner will be much more attracted to you when you are enjoying yourself and adding some diversity to you as a couple.

You will have new things to talk about and to share with each other. It’s not all about just one person and if they are happy or not.

You need to be happy too!

Start making plans to get out a few times a week with friends or take a course that interests you. Mark dates on the calendar so that it forces you to commit to something outside your house that doesn’t involve your partner.

You will notice an improvement in your home life after a short time because it will “center you” and put a new spring in your step because you are doing something worthwhile for you!

Hallelujah!

Your partner will enjoy seeing this side of you and it will slowly start to change the dynamics of who you are as a couple. This is a good thing because you are now in a reciprocated relationship where you “both” have interesting things to talk about.

Please watch the video above and let me know how things go in the next while.

Sybersue ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

How Can I Trust my Judgement in Men When I Was So Wrong in Choosing My Ex?

How Can I Trust my Judgement in Men When I Was So Wrong in Choosing My Ex?

In today’s video Dear Sybersue discusses Cindy’s relationship question:

Dear Sybersue,

“How do I get over a past relationship and learn to trust myself again. How could I have been so wrong with choosing a partner that turned out to be such a bad relationship for me?

How do I trust my own judgement again? This isn’t the first time I have had to deal with this. I don’t want to end up in another drama filled scenario, what can I do to change this?” 

Thank you, Cindy 

Dear Cindy,

Ahhhh if we only had 100% clarity on all things in life…Unfortunately this is not the case and sometimes we are left all alone trying to figure it out;  hopefully without repeating the same continual drama in our lives.

But guess what? You’re not alone!

We ALL go through hurtful stuff but it is how we deal with this steaming pile of crap, that will move us faster up the ladder to “getting where we need to be” in this world of ongoing lessons!

Cindy, you have the ultimate say on who you attract and more importantly with whom you allow into your life as a partner. Saying that; once you take responsibility with the  part you played in this past relationship, it will help you understand these questioning trust issues you have.

You are probably thinking;  “What’s she talking about??? “I didn’t play any games or act any weird way, I was just being myself!” 

I am sure you were just being yourself  but maybe there is something you aren’t really paying close attention to. You might not trust yourself because you are burying a past hurt or you have some long standing emotional issues you have ignored up until now.

If anything in your life is repetitive drama or consists of any toxic behavior you have to fix it! The trouble is, most of us are afraid to open Pandora’s box for fear of what we may find inside about ourselves!

You don’t have to figure this out alone; in fact I would strongly suggest that you don’t.

It may be time to talk to a professional who can help you get to the bottom of the why you have stopped trusting your own judgment and get you onto a healthier path.

The good news is you are acknowledging that there is a problem by writing me and understanding that something needs to change.

Go girl! You are half way there to changing your life. 

Susan McCord (aka Dear Sybersue)

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5 Attributes that Men Really Want in Their Partner

5 Attributes that Men Really Want in Their Partner

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord (aka Dear Sybersue) gets many questions from her male viewers on her advice column and this topic “5 attributes that men want in their partner” is one of the biggest conversations of all.

Women think all men care about is sex but that isn’t true for most guys. They want a loving relationship just like women do.

They are tired of being categorized and want women to know what is really important to them. Dear Sybersue promised to do this video (above) on behalf of the numerous emails she received on the subject.

Many women have lost hope when it comes to finding a partnership and are incredibly frustrated with the whole dating scenario. Men feel the same way and this is now becoming a big negative environment with both sexes.

As Dr. Phil says “How’s that working for you?”

It’s not right? So what are you going to do; complain about what’s not working or change things up so that they do work?

How Do We Do That Ladies & Gentlemen?

  1. We stop repeating patterns that are causing us drama. Stop going for the unavailable hot bad boys or bad girls would be a great start. This situation is usually very short lived and while you may have one or two nights of wild sizzling sex, it can leave you feeling lonelier that before you dated them.
  2. Don’t give out TMI! Stop telling people every little thing about what makes you tick. Take your time divulging private things about yourself.
  3. Leave a little mystery so they want to find out more about you. I certainly don’t condone playing games with them but hold back some things until you know them better. You don’t even know if you like them yet so don’t give away all your fabulous secrets.
  4. Be authentic to who you are. No one likes to find out 3 months later that what they thought they had in common with you, was just a lie to keep them interested.
  5. No one is better than anyone else so if someone comes up to talk to you when you are out for the evening, acknowledge them. You may be shocked at how much you enjoy talking with them.
  6. Be aware of your body language and how you come across. I can’t believe how many men and women portray “resting bitch face” out there. Smile! 🙂
  7. If you have a bad date don’t become disillusioned with the whole process. Get back out there on a different horse.
  8. Stay positive! No one wants to hang out with Dick or Debbie Downer.
  9. Everyone has insecurities but don’t let them define you so that you sabotage a potential partnership.
  10. Be kind to everyone all the time. There is no room for arrogance, self entitlement, being high maintenance or too picky!
  11. Real love doesn’t come easy and is worth the wait. Be a little more patient and embrace all new opportunities that come your way. If it were too easy to find it wouldn’t be special would it?
  12. Lose the 12 page checklist. That person doesn’t exist!
  13. You have your own life so don’t lose sight of that by making someone your whole world. Don’t lose your identity to be with someone else.
  14. Be careful not to become a texting stalker. Too much too soon is a big turnoff.
  15. Learn from you dating mistakes, don’t repeat them, own your part in what didn’t work and always listen to your instincts.

While there are definitely some hurdles with dating in the millennium, they are things that are pretty cool as well. Social media tools can bring us together in a much bigger way if we use them correctly.

Life is not meant to be easy but it is how you handle “those annoying curveballs” that will bring you closer to being centered and present so that you can be the best YOU!

The quicker you move on from those obvious red flags will be when your new journey begins. When you meet that loving person to share your life with there are no deep dark questions. It just fits and flows beautifully. There is no drama and there are no BS games to deal with.

We all want love in our life and there is someone for everyone once we change our attitude and believe we deserve it.

Please leave your comments below and subscribe to The Dear Sybersue YouTube Channel! ❤

Thank you,

Sybersue

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I’ve Been Engaged Forever! Will I Ever Get Married?

I’ve Been Engaged Forever! Will I Ever Get Married?

Dear Sybersue,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend Daniel for 3 1/2 years and we have been engaged for 2 years.  He proposed to me with a very simple gold band but he has promised me there will be a bigger and better wedding ring the day we walk down the aisle together.

I am 33 years old and Daniel is 36.  We have very few discussions regarding any marriage plans and no actual date has been set on the calendar for the wedding ceremony. We have talked about having children but everything seems to be in a holding pattern since we got engaged. I am ready to be a mom but it is important for me to be married first!

Do you think I am fooling myself waiting around for him to go through with us ever getting married? Is this band on my finger basically a promise ring and nothing else? He is continually saying how stressed he is with work and finances etc. but I personally think it is an excuse so I won’t bring up any wedding talk! Continue reading

HELP! My Life is Crazy & My Sex Life Is Non-Existent In My Marriage!

HELP! My Life is Crazy & My Sex Life Is Non-Existent In My Marriage!

Dear Sybersue:

I live a very full & pretty decent life for the most part. I have two children, a dog and a great partner whom I still love after 10 years. His job is demanding & I work 5 days a week myself. I am also putting in time to develop my own business on the side to help with our heavy mortgage.

Needless to say juggling it all and still having a busy social schedule is a challenge as I am sure it is for many people out there. My sex-life is non-existent at the moment & my passion for it is a little depleted due to the lack of physical connection my husband and I share.

Even though I seem to be managing my crazy life, I have to admit I feel tired & stressed out all the time these days!

I do not take care of myself in the way I should due to time restrictions with work, & the children’s activities. I do not feel nearly as sexy or attractive as I used to in my single days. I don’t have time to be the feminine hot woman of my past existence anymore.

I don’t even know what a girl’s night out is these days! My friends seem to have given up on me because I have so little time for them. I don’t blame them.

Every so often I get very depressed and do not want to see or talk to anyone which makes it even worse. I feel overwhelmed ~ Any ideas to help??

From The Suburban Housewife

ANSWER

Continue reading