“Be aware of the red flags & maintain some boundaries when you are dating!”
Famous last words right??
It is not easy today in the world of relationships, dating and rarely meeting someone in a face to face scenario. Everyone is behind their technology screens and hoping & praying that they find someone they can eventually fall in love with.
Unfortunately men & women are frustrated and some people are becoming desperate enough to let some of their core values fall to the basement of their priorities! This is not a good thing and even if it gets them a few months in a relationship, they are not being true to themselves and short changing their future happiness.
Being too picky is not a good thing but overlooking key principals that are important to you are just as bad if you want a relationship of substance.
Finding love is definitely a lot of work, but well worth the investment when it happens. Don’t settle just because you are lonely, or feeling pressure from your friends, family or your age. It’s your life, nobody elses and you can take all the time in the world to get it right.
There is no time clock unless you allow one to be there.
Many people think that they are taking the easy road by accepting only a small piece of what they want in a partner. Sadly it becomes a burden because everyday you see the sacrifice you made.
The red flags are waving in your face to get your attention and if you choose to ignore them and be OK in a fictitious relationship, you will always been yearning for what could have been.
No one is perfect and no one is telling you to look for perfection so don’t overlook the qualities that are important to you.
We all have different morals & standards but our character should never be compromised to the point in where we lose a big part of ourselves just to be with someone else.
They should be an extension of who we are; not the other way around.
Ageism definition: prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person’s age.
As a mature women this topic of ageism is something I have been aware of for many years but it actually affects men & women of ALL ages.
Why is age allowed to define someone?
One of the first questions a person is asked on almost any form is; Enter Your Birthday mth/day/year. Why do they have the right to ask you this? Most non medical/government forms do not ask for your weight so why is this “none of your business” birthday question permitted?
The minute you tell someone how old you are, their judgment is automatically internalizing. It may not be verbally discussed but it is definitely stirring within the thought process of the person asking.
Most of us are guilty of doing this to some degree as we have been programmed to base people on who they are; by how old they are. We need to base our critiquing on what we actually see & hear, not on how old someone is on their birth certificate!
If employers closed their eyes when they were interviewing a potential employee, they would get a completely different picture of who that person sitting in their office really was.
From a very young age I have always respected & appreciated people in their maturing years due to their enlightening non-stop wisdom. I liked to surround myself with their stories and life lessons that they have learned with each passing birthday.
One of my favorite celebrities is Betty White due to her humor & zest for life at the young tender age of 95! She greatly inspires me as did George Burns for many years. He died at age 100 in 1996 and people still talk about him! I rest my case…
Quote by George Burns: “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.”
People often become invisible when they reach a certain age. No one should be ignored or considered “too old” by anyone.
We also have to abolish the double standard aging female vs. aging man scenario. It is well documented in history and even today, that men are viewed as “distinguished” as they age, while women in the workforce feel as if they are viewed as “grazers out in the pasture” after 50. (Thankfully this is slowly starting to change as women are fighting back as we speak!)
Although certain professions may have age restrictions due to strenuous job requirements, I truly believe that each person should be considered on an individual non-prejudiced nature. After all; 50 is the new 35 and with that comes great life experience, better fitness levels & professional expertise. Why wouldn’t a company embrace that?
Successful businesses have a variety of age groups in the employee mix as they are intelligent enough to understand how well this works. If there was only “one hiring age,” everyone would think the same way which can lead to a narrow minded marketing strategy down the road.
“An innovative business is a successful business!” How many people out there wouldn’t hire Richard Branson at the age of 66? Am I making my point yet?
Ageism is also a difficult time for many people turning 30. There is much anxiety today for this age group due to the path their parents & grandparents led. There is pressure to have children, buy a house & have the perfect career, which is not happening as often for everyone these days.
Companies want experience but don’t want to pay for it, so many University grads are getting passed over! Many businesses advertise to hire interns with “no pay”to work for a year! How can students afford to do that when they have 5 years of loans to pay off after getting their degree???
There is so much competition for only a few jobs that it is discouraging millennials from even wanting to go to school anymore! They can make more money as a server in a high end restaurant without having any loans to pay back.
It doesn’t seem to matter what type of career choice you venture into, the competition is fierce. Whether it is the gaming or social media market, there is a waiting room full of hopeful young men and women vying for the same job.
One of my friends is an amazing singer/songwriter in her 30’s. In music land she is considered less & less for her incredible talent strictly due to her age and has actually been told that a few times! Basically, she is not as programmable or in my words (easily manipulated) as a 15 year old rising star tends to be.
This is very sad! Who said that talent stops at 25? There is a reason for shows like “The Voice” and “America’s Got Talent” that do not have an age restriction for mature applicants. Finally someone gets it!
Speaking of shows…
As a mature woman on YouTube I have taken some verbal beatings with regards to my age. I started my talk show 8 years ago on the YouTube platform which initially had an audience primarily in the under 25 category. In the first year I was a called a wrinkled old bag, ugly & old, an aging bitch & a few other names that start with “F.”
Moving forward into 2017 with many age groups now visiting or uploading on YouTube & other social media sites, I am now very fortunate to have many wonderful comments written to me regularly with regards to my talk show videos.
The negative feedback occasionally still happens and it is still sadly apparent that ageism will probably always exist in social media with young adults. I guess it makes some people feel better to be able to vent their personal opinions as they can safely hide behind a computer while doing so.
So why did a mature woman decide to put herself out there on HD video & social media?
I started my online Lifestyle Talk Show to help men & women with dating, relationships, self esteem issues & to help them find love in their lives. So many people were complaining of how difficult it was to meet someone & how their self image & low self esteem was playing a big part in their loneliness.
I wanted to help make their lives easier by discussing numerous topics that I had dealt with during my long lived dating experiences, my divorce, being a single mother and my turbulent childhood. I am pleased to say that there are many wonderful people who truly appreciate my wisdom & life experience and I am happy to be able to help.
There will always be the few people who like to use bullying comments because of my advancing age & maturity, but I know in my heart they are lashing out due to their own unhappiness & insecurities. It makes some people feel powerful to put others down; another life lesson many of us learn much too late in life.
Regardless of what age you are now, it is time to think about where you want to be down the road with with each advancing birthday. It may not be affecting you at this particular moment but before you know it, you will be dealing with ageism in some form or another.
Surround yourself with mentors who have walked the walk of life as they will be the best guides you could ask for.
If we keep making age a factor in who we choose to have in our employment, our personal lives or our entertainment choices, we will be missing out on one Hell of a lot of talented & wise people we could learn from.
With many companies & establishments not hiring people after 50 these days, there are going to be many financially despondent people collecting welfare down the road. This could be one of your parents, yourself or even worse, one of your children.
It’s not too late to change your thinking and start to make a difference in this life. Everyone who crosses your path is there to teach you something or for you to teach them something. That is a good thing and an education all in itself. ❤
Oh God, it’s that dreadful time of year again where I feel even lonelier than every other day of the year being single. February 14th and all the romantic hype is a reminder of how alone I really am! It is a very depressing day for me.
I am a 28 year old fairly attractive outgoing woman living in Toronto and in desperate need of some advice on how to get through the “wrath of cupid” every year on this day!
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
I have this conversation with women all the time and I am sure single guys probably feel the void as well but just don’t vocalize it.
The one thing I always did when I was single on Valentines’ Day was to go out & socialize! “Screw Cupid, he can shove the arrow right up his a#s!” I usually went to a lounge or Pub that had less of a romantic setting with pool tables, dart boards & other manly attractions.
It was interesting to see how many other people showed up as well! You are pretty much guaranteed that everyone who is not with a partner in the room on Valentine’s Day…is single! That can be a great time to meet someone!
Going out for a coffee or a movie with a girlfriend is also a great way to not give into the BS of February 14th only being a date night! Don’t be afraid to be seen without a man on your arm. Go out and show your confidence on this annoying relationship celebration! You are proud to be single and not settling with someone just to be in a couple’s scenario. You are waiting for real love! ❤
Hibernating and feeling sad at home means you are giving into this holiday stereotype and letting Hallmark & other marketing scams work their financial rewards. Be a rebel and stand tall!
You are a fantastic person whether you are single or not. Do not ever let a relationship define who you are!
Being single has many benefits that a lot of married people will occasionally yearn for!
Here are 12 things to think about that will help you deal with Feb 14th
You can do whatever you want whenever you want & be spontaneous!
Girl’s night out can happen often and without having to plan it 2-3 weeks in advance or without having to get permission from a partner.
It doesn’t matter what goes on in Vegas ~ you can be as bad as you want!
You can order “take out” every night and never use your oven!
You don’t have to shave your legs or get a Brazilian & you can wear your comfortable “big girl panties” without being judged!
You can watch, The Bachelor, The Young & Restless, The Breakup or any chick flick you want! You are in charge of the remote!
You don’t have to watch Dick Flicks!
You can put a 6 pack of beer in the fridge on Friday and there will be 4 bottles left on Monday!
You have complete control of the house temperature & the bed covers!
Your toilet seat will always remain in the downward position.
Your newspaper/magazines will never end up in the bathroom & remain on the coffee table completely intact.
The only snoring or farting you hear will be your own. 🙂
Now get off the couch Samantha, be proud you are single & go out for a fun Valentine’s Day!
Married/committed couples & singles are re-shaping their lives in all areas; regardless of approaching milestone birthdays. “Forty is the new thirty” and people finally understand they don’t have to give into the stereotyping of certain age groups. They are re-evaluating their options from careers to relationships and making the necessary changes. This can have a scary impact on many relationships out there!
Gone are the days where many people stayed in an unhealthy scenario!
Wedding vows today are broken way too often and no longer sacred with the intent that the couple will be together forever.
With the divorce rate on the incline some couples are getting nervous about becoming the next ones who will be walking this statistical plank! It doesn’t help that we have access to so many social media stories and reality TV shows that emphasize just how bad the statistics really are!
What can we do about it to change this trending dilemma?
Couples need to understand that when you are married or monogamously committed and no longer out in the dating market, it is even MORE important to put continual effort into your communication skills, appearance and sex life!
Sex is a huge part of the relationship glue and if it is ignored for any length of time it can be the end of the special “pheromone bond” you once shared and could be the demise of your partnership.
How often have you heard people complaining that after they got married and the honeymoon “time frame” ended that sex became less frequent and mundane? There is no playful forbidden fruit, spontaneous rendezvous or the excitement that a sexual partner brings in the early stages of a new relationship. We are all on our best sexual behavior!
Why does that have to dramatically change so that romance & sex becomes somewhat repetitive and in some cases almost non-existent?
Being romantically creative in your marriage or committed partnership will keep the fires burning a lot longer and turn vanilla sex into a hot fudge sundae!
I have coached many women who had lost interest in sex due to the repetitive expectations of their partners and lack of enticing foreplay. Once they finally communicated their concerns openly and discussed how it was ruining their relationship, things started to heat up and change for the better under those 300 thread count sheets; because the men listened.
Why are so Many Couples Separating Later in Life?
The popular 50’s Marilyn Monroe movie “The 7 Year Itch” seems to have been replaced by 20th Anniversary marriage break-ups in the millennium today. There are more and more people newly single in their late 40’s and 50’s than ever before!
In the days of our grandparents, people stayed together because of financial limitations and old school traditions. Today things have changed and both sexes have careers and are now on a more equal footing and don’t feel as trapped. It is more common to see couples both working due to economic struggles of mortgages and child expenses. It is hard to bring up a family on one salary in the millennium!
Unfortunately the everyday life stresses cause many couples to split up within the first 5 years of marriage but there are still many unhappy people that wait until the children are out of high school or have moved out of the family home before they end their relationships.
At least now there are more support groups and resources to help them move on regardless of what age they decide to do so.
The new 40 is not considered old anymore and many people are starting the second half of their life with an excited vision which sometimes includes a new partner.
Life offers many temptations today and people have to work harder to keep their relationships strong.
Many women are now dating younger men and it is not just the husbands leaving the marital home for a younger person anymore.
Here are a few tips to think about keeping sex alive in your marriage or long term commitment:
• Sex should be happening a few times per week or on a schedule that works for both of you.
• Don’t be afraid to gently communicate any sexual concerns to your partner. Couples that talk openly keep a stronger connection for many years to come.
• Sex should be initiated by both sexes!
• Sex may have to be planned or 3 weeks could go by with being too busy. Never be too busy to make love to your partner by making constant excuses.
• Married life can be very hectic with kids and careers so make date nights, mark them on the calendar and follow through with them.
• Both people in the partnership need to keep up their fitness levels. It not only makes you feel and look good; it puts a confident spring in your step towards the bedroom.
• Dress sexy even at home ~ no unattractive sweatpants! You want to keep them looking at you not someone else!
• Ask for help from relative/neighbors or pay for a babysitter to take the kids out so you can have sex at home without worrying they can hear you!
• Never leave the house without a hug or kiss good-bye. Always acknowledge your partner.
• When your partner walks in the front door, drop what you are doing and always get up and greet them. They take priority!
• Kiss your spouse passionately once every day like you did when you first met them; its great foreplay. (None of this peck on the cheek stuff!)
• Bring home little sex treats ~ lingerie, whipped cream, toys from the love shop or whatever you think they might like. Spicing things up in the bedroom isn’t just about changing positions.
• Always let your partner know you are attracted to them!
It is very important to practice these things often, especially as a long term relationship progresses. We all have to deal with many changes as we get a little older, so being aware that your love-life needs to be nurtured is half the battle of maintaining a healthy long lasting sex life.
Men have always had the pressure of having to perform in the bedroom which can be very difficult as the years go by; especially with added family and career stress. Viagra was approved by the FDA in 1998 and has helped many men through the tough times ever since!
Unfortunately this has put many couples into an unbalanced sexual situation, as men are ready willing and able to go as soon as they pop that little blue pill.
Viagra can be intimidating to many women, because they feel like they have to be ready to perform continually. It is a wise idea to let your wife know when you decide to take Viagra. Never assume it is a good time. (Blue balls are not pleasant at any age.)
Don’t despair though ladies because there is some good news for you now too!
As of August 2015, there is now hope for women with a new libido enhancer called Fibanserin! (trade name Addyi) It isn’t quite as powerful as the little blue pill just yet and like Viagra there are some side effects that need to be adhered to.
Hopefully once the kinks are ironed out, this “female Viagra” will eventually even out the sexual playground & help those women who are frustrated with their slowing sex drive.
Many women go through hormone changes after age 45 and it can be tough to feel sexual. Ladies; it is a good idea to get a saliva test to get an accurate reading of what is going on with your estrogen, progesterone and testosterone hormone levels.
This can help alleviate ongoing problems and help to keep you sexually stimulated once you know how to get help with balancing these physical changes.
Communication is the foundation to any successful marriage.
Learning how to talk with your spouse from day one, will keep you emotionally close. When you have respect for each other, have continual communication, and don’t ignore each others concerns, your sex-life will never fall too far behind to cause marital problems; because you are dealing with smaller issues before they become irreconcilable differences!
There will always be little glitches in your job, with your children and life in general, so it is important to understand that your partnership will have them too. Many couples make their relationship commitment the 3rd or 4th priority due to taking each other for granted that they will always be there.
Marriage and any long term relationship for that matter will always have ups and downs (pun intended) but with a little effort and conscious behavioral practice, you and your spouse can happily stay on the other side of the divorce statistics.
Love is like a full time job but well worth the time invested.
I always seem to meet lying and manipulative girls who treat me like shit even though I’m a great guy.
Why is that?
I recently gave the same girl 3 different chances to stop treating me like crap, yet she was soon back to her old ways. This has happened numerous times with other women I have dated. I don’t understand girls, why are they all like this?
OK bear with me while I vent a little here. Grrrrrrr
I am a decent looking guy in my early 30’s that is single but ready to find that special woman to settle down with. I usually meet women online and Tinder seems to be the App that I use most frequently. I know it is not everyone’s choice but I like the simplicity of it. (OK saying that out loud makes me sound a little shallow doesn’t it; sort of like I don’t want to put in too much effort?) I’m actually not a bad guy but like most men we are not into anything complicated, especially in the female department!
So; my questions are:
Why do women text so often and expect an instant reply every time?
Why do they pretend to like certain things that I like in the beginning, but actually have no interest in them after we have established a connection?
Why are they so easy to get into bed but play the high maintenance card in all other areas?
I have spoken with many of my male friends regarding these questions and none of us know the answers, or how to meet a quality “drama free” lady that we can share our lives with. Women seem to be clones of each other today; all acting alike and looking alike too!
What should I do differently to attract someone who is not a fake like all these online ladies I am meeting right now.
Thank you Sybersue!
I chose your email to post online due to the amount of other men writing me with similar questions.
It is not an easy time in our new world of technology communication and our human etiquette skills are buried under our keyboards and smart phones. We are losing our way and becoming disconnected in non-existent discussions due to the lack of meeting in face to face scenarios.
Our expectations are over the top and our patience levels are minimal. We want it NOW and if a few things aren’t perfect we move on to the next swipe on our phone or a new profile photo on various dating sites.
I will answer your questions in order that you asked them:
Answer to #1 Question: Why do women text so often and expect a reply instantly every time?
Women like to know you are thinking about them…a lot!
She is trying to be playful with the texts and is looking for a response from you that shows you really like her.
Some women are more aggressive than others but it’s up to you from that first date to let her know truthfully whether you are interested or not. Don’t pretend if you’re not; move on! Be upfront but gentle but don’t just stop texting or ghost her.
Don’t leave her with questions. If you enjoyed the date, tell her that you would like to see her again and phone her with a plan for a few days down the road.
Tell her you are too busy at work to text back & forth all day and you will contact her when you have time later in the day.
Watch for red flags on the first date. Is she needy, does she tell you every little thing about herself and what she wants in her 5 year plan?
Be careful what signs you give her early on. If she thinks you are really interested in her it will give her the green light to pursue it further with you. Tell her you prefer to take things slow and you are not into a fast courtship. If she continues to be pushy after all of the above, it is time for you to end things.
If you are really not that interested do not have sex with her. Some women become very attached emotionally after being intimate with a man.
Answer to #2 Question: Why do they pretend to like certain things that I like in the beginning but actually have no interest in them after we have established a connection?
I think both sexes are a little guilty of doing this. We want to impress each other so much in the beginning that we get a little over excited and exaggerate about our hobbies, passions and activities. Some women say they like something to keep you interested so that you will call them again.
She could be truthfully interested in something you like doing but may not be very good at it; so she makes excuses why she can’t do it at that particular time you ask her.
She could just be fake and saying anything what you want to hear to get your attention.
If it is something that is really important to you and your future relationship, you will need to push the interest level and call her bluff on it. Waiting a year down the road and then realizing you are opposites in many ways, will end up causing big problems or the end of you as a couple!
Listen closely to what she says and always be aware of the truth and her sincerity by paying attention to your instincts. Your gut is seldom wrong!
Answer to #3 Question: Why are women so easy to get into bed but play the high maintenance card in all other areas?
This one baffles me a lot too but there are two main reasons that women sleep with men so quickly. The first one is because they think men will run away if they don’t have sex on the first night and the second reason is they think it gives them more power with you. Once they have shown you their “worldly goods” you owe them something in return.
Some women use this sex weakness (sorry guys, it had to be said) to get financial rewards. Once they establish a certain system with you & your wallet, it becomes an expectation.
Don’t pay for everything and she will not be allowed to be high maintenance. If you want to find out if she is with you because she actually “likes you for you,” then don’t be so willing to give her everything on a silver platter before you even know her. Some guys like to show off a little in the beginning but it sets the wrong precedence and changes the dynamics in the early stages of what could have been a partnership.
Make sure you are not choosing the same type of women all the time and getting yourself into a pattern. We often don’t see this within ourselves and it is the reason we continually get frustrated when our dating life continues to disappoint us. If you are always attracted to the perfect “10” female with looks being the top priority, you will end up back in the high maintenance category over and over again.
Revise your checklist! Even if you don’t have one down on paper, just thinking about ALL the things you want in a woman could be jeopardizing your happiness. You could actually be the one that is high maintenance.
Don’t ever give up on Love. ❤ Be honest with yourself and what you are really looking for in a partner. You are in charge of who you attract towards you so you may have to change up your thought process to bring that special woman towards you.
It does take two to make a relationship work so try to remember that you are the one responsible with who you are meeting and allowing into your life. If it’s not working then you have nothing to lose by changing it up.
Most women are wonderful and really do want a loving man to share their world with. If you want a nice girl who is compatible with you and fun to be around, put it out there and visualize her! Knowing what you want is half the dating battle because most people talk about what they don’t want in a relationship but seldom talk about the positive things that they do want.
Let me know what transpires in the next few months. I will look forward to hearing how things are going for you romantically.
I am a 27 year old average looking introverted single female. I don’t get asked out on dates anymore but I would love to meet someone to have a committed relationship with. I feel stuck in my own skin and I am not sure how to change things to make it better for me. My routine life is becoming unbearable and waking up each morning consists of repetitive things day in and day out and banging my head on the same brick wall!
I can’t seem to motivate myself to get out of the house when I come home from work and that’s the other thing; I can’t stand my job! I make decent money but I spend a lot of time in an isolated environment working on computer documents for the law firm I am employed at.
I have a few friends but they are also settling into this same scenario that I repeat around the 24 hour clock. It really sucks and I am mad at myself for not being a stronger person and making things better. This has been going on for 7 years now and I seem to be sinking further into the quicksand of my existence. My family is not supportive which makes me feel even more alone.
What should I do?
I can hear the sadness in your writing and the first step to changing what isn’t working, is acknowledging it; so good for you! Your self esteem has taken a turn with something that may have happened 7 years ago and could be the cause of your life becoming routine and uneventful.
Many people retreat into a cocoon when something traumatic or sad happens at certain times in their life. The fact that you said you don’t get asked out on dates anymore states that you once did but that has now stopped.
What happened 7 years ago? Was it a bad break up? A family matter? A health situation?
Figuring out what changed your thinking back then will help you better understand why you became this lonely person today. You call yourself average looking and introverted which is something you could alter with a little effort. Go to the Mac counter and make an appointment with one of the staff for a makeup application, get a new hair style and buy a few new wardrobe pieces that will enhance your look. A mini makeover is a good thing and can be the start of a refreshed outlook. “When you look good you feel good!”
It sounds like money is not a big problem for you so I would suggest you hire a therapist or life coach for a short while to help you through some of the blocked feelings you may have. It is not an easy transition to make on your own without a support system and sometimes it is better to have someone neutral and non-judgmental than to rely on the people in your everyday life. It also sounds like you may be depressed, so having someone professional to help you through this, is a much wiser choice.
You mentioned that you have a problem getting out socially when you get home from work. The trick here is not to go home first. Make plans to attend a meet up group, take a course or go to a fitness class right after work a few days per week. This will help break up the monotony that is keeping you glued to this feeling of loneliness. You need to be around people after spending 8 hours a day bent over your computer!
The last thing on your new journey should be looking for a more rewarding atmosphere with a new job. Once you alter the other things in your life this will become easier for you to visualize because you will feel better about yourself and not be willing to compromise anymore in a dead end job. Get the other parts of your life in order first and then start working on a new career. There may be some night/online courses you can take in the meantime that will add to your credentials for when the time is right.
You are only 27 and it is never too late to make changes that will enhance your life. Get out of the house and show the world who you really are.