blogger Susan Mccord

Yes 2016 Sucked but Can we all Just Stop & be Grateful?
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Yes 2016 Sucked but Can we all Just Stop & be Grateful?

celebrity-deaths-2016-large_trans_nvbqzqnjv4bqpjliwavx4cowfcaekesb3kvxit-lggwcwqwla_rxju8-pngCelebrity deaths in 2016 captured in one photo Photo Credit: @ChristheBarker / Twitter

2016 has been a tough year for so many people and I think many of us are glad to see the back of it and welcome 2017 in with optimistic open arms.

We have lost way too many amazing people this year, had an “wide eye opening” election in the USA, devastation in Syria, Hurricane Matthew, The Fort McMurray Fire, Brexit, numerous acts of terrorism on innocent people around the world, The Zika Virus, senseless shootings and so on!

How does one stay positive with all of this?

❤ We have to be grateful for what we do have! ❤

We need to remind ourselves of the blessings in our lives and not let “world news” control our existence. The more good energy we put out as humans it will eventually out-weigh the bad energy.

In other words the more we come together as a united team, there will be less followers drawn to the dark side.

Write down what you are thankful for and read it every day. What do you appreciate in your life? Say it out loud.

When you wake up sad or go to bed angry, read something meaningful or watch something beautiful to get your mindset into a more positive direction.

The more time we dwell on pessimism and what isn’t working in the world, the more depressed and helpless we feel. We need to remind ourselves of what brings us joy and what puts a smile on our loved ones faces.

Sometimes YOU need to be the strong one to keep others from feeling broken and discouraged. One person can make a huge difference in someone’s life.

What I am Grateful For and Appreciate Every Day:

1)  I am grateful for my son & my husband and appreciate them for who they are. I am very proud of both of them and blessed to have them in my life. I love them unconditionally.❤

2)  I am grateful for medical research and the great strides they make on a yearly basis. I appreciate all doctors/surgeons and their incredible devotion to helping people. They are my heroes!

3)  I am blessed to have the gift of being a writer and being able to express my thoughts whenever I can.

4)  I am grateful that I live in a part of the world where women have a voice and are respected.

5)  I am grateful for animals in all varieties and the love they exude. Whenever I feel sad I find a funny pet video and my mood changes dramatically.

6)  I love & appreciate young children and their innocence and curiosity. Just watching them for a few minutes every day puts a big smile on my face.

7)  I am grateful for my long term friendships and our shared memories over the years.

8)  I am appreciative for the demise of some of my past friendships & love relationships as there were lessons learned that changed me to be a better person.

9)  I am grateful for all the support I get from my talk show & blog subscribers! You are all so appreciated! This is proof that complete strangers can be there for each other and that is very powerful!

10)  I am truly grateful when I can make a small difference in someone’s life in different parts of the world; because I truly care about ALL people and their happiness. There is no room in this world for predjudism.

11)  I am grateful that my family lives close and for our visits every few months to celebrate birthdays & other special occasions.

12)  I am grateful that I can stay positive most of the time but when I can’t, I have the available tools to bring myself back before too long.

13)  I am grateful for my home, the food on my table and the clothing in my closet.

14)  I am grateful that I can walk, talk, hear, see and show love to others.

15)  I am grateful that I have so many things to be grateful about.

My wish for everyone here on this amazing planet is to literally stop & smell the flowers in front of them. Fighting for power or religious beliefs depletes what we were meant to do with our short time here in this world.

Why are we destroying the beauty of something we were given so graciously? It saddens me very much but I will continue to make a difference whenever I can and I will continue to see the bright side of life and repel the darkness.

“Peace on Earth & Good will Towards Man” is my 2017 wish for everyone. Don’t give up believing that you can make a difference in this world.

Happy 2017!

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

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Why Do All My Girlfriends Get Dates While I Am The Constant Wallflower?

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Dear Sybersue,

I am an attractive 29 year old woman who is getting really depressed with not having a  boyfriend despite the fact that I am active athletically and very social. My close girlfriends seem to have no problem meeting men and are always getting asked out on dates. It’s a little frustrating for me that they don’t talk about it or make men a huge priority in their lives; it just happens for them! I think about it on a daily basis and it can be all consuming sometimes!

Why can’t I just relax about it and let things happen naturally like they do?

My friends tell me I worry too much and make men “my everything!” I must admit I am becoming a bit obsessed with this whole being single thing. I am actually jealous of my friend’s ability to easily meet men and it is starting to change my rapport with them. When I am with them it is a continual reminder of my failures in the love department. It is causing me to retreat more and more to the comfort and safety of my condo so that I don’t have it “in my face” that I am constantly one of the only date-less girls in our group.

I have a great job and make decent money so that isn’t a problem. What am I doing wrong and why am I the only one who doesn’t seem to connect with anyone? Please be honest and don’t sugarcoat it as I need to figure this out soon!

I can’t wait to hear from you!

Desperate & Waiting

Dear DW,

There are many things you can do here to change up what isn’t working in your love-life. Let’s discuss what is not working first and then we can talk about how to alter this behavior to help better your dating situation.

  1. The first thing is that you actually call yourself desperate & waiting which is probably a pretty honest evaluation of how you feel about yourself and how you come across to the men you meet out in a social environment. You asked me to be honest so bear with me here while I give you the straight goods on your situation.
  2. You don’t make yourself the priority in your life; needing a man is your number 1 reason for what you think it means to be happy.
  3. You admit you are obsessed because you are not meeting anyone to date and this comes across as “needy” to men you come in contact with. Your friends have also warned you about this so it is visible to them as well. Guys can smell desperation and will run in the opposite direction!
  4. Body language is huge with first impressions and it can be a very easy read if you are not secure and confident with who you are.
  5. You are putting pressure on yourself because you will be turning 30 soon which is a hard time for many women who are single. That damn biological clock ticks pretty loudly causing even more pressure for you to meet someone.

The best way for you to alter this pattern, is to stop coming across like a sad puppy that no one loves. You are an attractive woman that has so much going for her and the only one stopping love from entering your life is “you.”

  • Don’t hibernate in your condo feeling lonely; put yourself in the heat of the fire and deal head on with what isn’t working for you.
  • Rather than be jealous of your girlfriends, educate yourself with watching how they interact with men. They are one of your best teaching tools! It works for them!
  • Men like fun women who don’t take themselves or life too seriously. Don’t look at every man as potential marriage material. Talk to them as a person first and be that confident, playful girl that men admire and want to be around.
  • Don’t be a doormat. Always put your self-respect first! Men like women who like themselves.
  • Being too available comes across as desperate which is a turn off to guys. Make yourself the priority and have other passions in your life rather than just your job. A busy woman has less time to dwell on obsessive or dramatic behavior.
  • A full life is a happy life which will attract even more happiness towards you.
  • Be interested and stay interesting as this will always give you something to talk about that will make others take notice and want to get to know you.
  • No more playing the victim. Stop dwelling on what isn’t working and start working on what will.

The good news is that you have attracted wonderful friends into your life who love you for many reasons, so believe in yourself and dust off those negative cobwebs so that you can also attract a wonderful man towards you down the road. It’s never too late to take a good look at yourself in the mirror but you have to like what you see in that mirror if you want to make these lasting behavioral changes.

It’s not ALL about having a guy in your life, so stop making him the biggest priority to make you feel whole. A man is attracted to a woman who has her life together and who has cleaned out the emotional baggage from her closet to allow him to come in and share her life. He is not her entire life and nor is she his entire life.

Wishing you love always~ please let me know how things go. ❤

Sybersue    

 

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GRIEF; Everyone Should Read This Post About Losing a Child!

Natalie

RIP Beautiful Natalie ~ You will Forever be in our Hearts.

Two years ago on March 21st 2014 my best friend lost her beautiful 27 year old daughter Natalie to Heaven.  This is the most destroying news any parent could ever receive and the biggest fear we all have while raising our children! Keeping them safe is the biggest priority of our lives and can be very difficult especially in the teen years when kids think they know everything about life. Didn’t we all?

Everyone who loses a child will always wonder if they could have done more, regardless of how much they loved their child and were there for them. We the parents are their protectors, their guides and we are supposed to go before them!  Life can really be  so unfair but why do some people have to carry such a devastating burden as this for the rest of their lives?!

That is the biggest question; “Why?” Followed by “what if I had done this” or “what if we didn’t do that?” There is so much guilt that happens in these very sad scenarios.

Sharon my dear friend I can tell you from the bottom of my heart you are the most incredibly amazing mother who always put both your beautiful girls first everyday of your life!! They were your every thought, every waking moment!

I wish I could take away your pain and make everything OK for you, Alex, Jaime & Grandparents. You are an incredible family full of love and support for each other. I am so thankful you have that.

People who are grieving for their children need your love and not just during the early stages of this heartbreaking situation. This extends to the immediate family as well. It affects everyone who loved them! The family are still in shock during the funeral & memorial arrangements and slowly move along in a robotic trance just trying to make it through.

Being there for them at this time is definitely helpful to them but your job as a friend or family member doesn’t end there.

They need you after even more & removing yourself from seeing them because you don’t know what to say or because it makes you uncomfortable is selfish and uncaring. They need to be able to talk about it, know that you care and their child is not forgotten.

Do you think they want to be sad 24 hours a day and thinking non-stop about the loss of their loved one? They do not choose to be here and no one is ever prepared when they lose a child or a sibling. It’s not the way life is supposed to go.

They are not playing the victim, they are grieving!

Gentle conversations, holding them when they cry, understanding that their pain will never really subside and just listening to what they have to say is very important! They need you regardless of when they say they are doing alright ~ how could anyone be alright when a huge part of  their heart has broken off into a million pieces and can never be replaced?

They know it can be hard to be around them when they are hurting so badly but telling them to “move on” or “it will get better in time” is not consoling to them and has quite the opposite effect. So much so, that they will try to deal with their pain on their own & keep it to themselves. This isn’t healthy.

No one should ever have to feel that alone!!

My message to you all is don’t ever think someone is fine when dealing with grief. They need love and continued support forever. They are happy when you share a memory of with them and acknowledge their loved one!

Don’t ask them how they are doing, you KNOW how they are doing.  Ask them out for coffee or a afternoon walk and just be there for them without them having to reach out to you.

Sometimes they just need you to listen and not try to fix them. They are lost right now and will be for a long time. They need you to help guide them with your non-judgmental & unconditional love.  ❤

Written by Susan McCord

INZUNZA, Natalie Patricia-Anne
October 12, 1986 – March 21, 2014
Our beloved Natalie is now safe in the arms of Jesus. Lovingly remembered and greatly missed by her parents Sharon & Jaime, sister Alex, her loving and supportive partner Brian Owens, and his parents Sheila and Gary Owens, grandparents: Patricia & Ed, Charles & Andrea, her paternal family in Mexico, extended family in the U.K and the USA. Natalie is now reunited with her father, Jesus and great-grandmother “Nannie” in Heaven. We are so grateful to have had Natalie fill our lives with such love and tenderness for 27 years. Natalie was a sensitive and gentle soul. Natalie was currently completing her education and volunteering with PICS (society that provides programs for new immigrants). She was a passionate and enthusiastic English tutor. A funeral will be held at St. John The Apostle Parish, 5457 Trafalgar Street, Vancouver, on Monday, April 14 at 10:00 am. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to PICS to support this organization that meant so much to Natalie.
http://www.gofundme.com/7ys11c

Please also click on this link below written by Paula Stephens

What I Wish More People Understood About Losing A Child

Susan McCord @ Facebook Page

Another Breakup: Nobody loves me!
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Another Breakup: Nobody loves me!

Part of the dating and relationship process of life is learning as much as you can from each step you take so as not to repeat the same BS crap over and over again. Yes, that nasty heart-break learning curve that seems endless for some people. “WTF? Why me, what am I doing wrong?” “Why am I so unlovable?”

OMG stop with the pity party, wipe off those crocodile tears and go yell at yourself in the bathroom mirror! “I AM AMAZING BUT I NEED TO MAKE BETTER CHOICES! I AM IN CHARGE OF ME & NO ONE ELSE HAS THAT POWER!”  On second thought, write it out on the mirror and then yell!! Do it over and over again until you really believe it, because until you do, you will continue to have these sad moments with your pets! (I’m not just talking about the crazzzzy cat ladies!)

Any breakup is hurtful but it happens for a purpose; to let you know there is something way healthier for you out there away from another heart-breaking dilemma. You might have to bang your head against that damn brick wall a few times before it clicks into the “ah ha moment,” but even taking baby steps in a new direction will get you there much faster!

So eat a carton of Haagen Daz, down a few pints at the pub, watch a few romantic tear jerker movies, cry at old photos of you as a couple, use your pets as a temporary replacement, and then give yourself a month and get the Hell into that bathroom and start screaming! It’s time for you to move onto a positive road to something real!

It’s not always about heart-break but more about a broken ego which can be dangerous if you let it rule your choices! Life experience is never a bad thing, but you can have many more great experiences once you learn how to remove yourself from the frustrating path of doing the same wrong thing over and over again.

As Dr. Phil says: “How’s that working for you?”

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Please Visit Dear Sybersue on Facebook ❤

 

 

Quora Question: What are some Examples of Great Questions to Start a Conversation with Someone?
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Quora Question: What are some Examples of Great Questions to Start a Conversation with Someone?

Dear Sybersue: http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

As an occasional interviewer I always try not to ask the basic questions that everyone expects or assumes you will ask them. People prefer talking about their accomplishments or what makes them happy, over mundane everyday questions.

In my line of work as a Dating/Relationship Talk Show Host and Dating Coach, some of the questions people ask each other really need to be less “in their face” if they want to stand out and eventually meet someone.

These questions below put people on the defensive and are not good opening conversation starters:

  1. Why are you single? (Really? Ask yourself the same question!)
  2. What do you do for work? (Boring first obvious question and screams how much money do you make?)
  3. How old are you really? (Accusing them of lying.)
  4. Why did you get divorced and why haven’t you remarried? (Because I’m an axe murderer! NOYFB!)
  5. Are you a sexual person? (oh yes, 5 times a day they reply sarcastically!)
  6. Come here often? (Seriously people still ask this!)

Regardless of where I am, I usually start conversations with a statement over a question which seems to make the person I am talking to less uncomfortable because they don’t have to answer something personal. If they want to answer with more than a smile or a nod they can, and if they choose not to converse with me that’s OK too. (“We could have had fun but never mind, your loss.”)  I just like to be friendly and talk with lots of different people and I am not shy to open the conversation up.

“Is that a pistol…” 😉

It also depends on what environment you are in as to what to talk about. Coffee shop lineups, the gym, a party, a restaurant bar or sporting event all offer a different dynamic but the one thing they all have in common is a social setting. It is the perfect opportunity to meet new people and use your personality to be a little creative.

Choose a conversation/question that compliments the setting you are in:

  • “This appetizer is incredible!” “The Chef is wonderful here.” (My son just happens to be a chef, that’s where I got that one from.)
  • “I have eaten here many times if you need help choosing something from the menu.”
  • “I am not sure I understand why the referee gave the player a penalty” ‘Why do they scratch their…? (OK maybe not.)
  • “How do you know the host of the party?”
  • “What coffee would you recommend here?”
  • At the gym: simply smile and say hi to people next to you. Maybe ask to share the machine with them if you are doing a similar workout. Take off your headphones so you appear more receptive. (always wear deodorant!)
  • Driving range: “I am a rookie in the golf world can you quickly tell me which club I should use to try to hit the 150 ft marker?” or compliment them on their style: “That was a fantastic drive!” “I wish I could swing my club like that!”  “Come here often?” (just kidding!)

These are pretty basic examples but if you are sincere with your questions or statements, you can’t go wrong. Don’t make it “a line,” make it thought-out conversation piece that has some substance. Be careful not to bother someone who is in “more of a quiet setting” but if they are out socializing, they are fair game to chat with. Go get em’!

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue Facebook Page 
 
Important Things to Think about During a Divorce or Relationship Breakup!
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Important Things to Think about During a Divorce or Relationship Breakup!

Image: Image: Stock representation of couple

Dealing with a breakup of a marriage or long term relationship will always be a very hurtful time but it doesn’t mean you are a failure or your life is over. There are thousands of people in the same situation but the good news is; there is someone special out there for you when you are ready to receive them. The most important thing to remember is we all deserve real love in our lives but we have to allow it into our lives! Life is definitely complicated and we are all here on this continual learning curve about who we are and what really makes us happy.

What makes so many of us choose the wrong person?

Sometimes this happens when we are young and naive; or we settle for someone we don’t really love. We may talk ourselves into a relationship due our ticking biological clocks and having children, the pressure from our family and friends or we just get caught up in the romantic or sexual nature of it all without making sure the relationship is a really good fit. A “forever” partnership is not an easy thing to maintain for the average couple as we are all evolving at different stages in our lives. Unless we grow in similar directions, this will be a big problem for many people.

5 tell tale indicators that your marriage/relationship is over:

  • You’ve lost that loving feeling ~ you no longer look forward to coming home and find reasons not to.
  • You feel constant anxiety in their presence ~ whether it be from fear/abusive situations, extreme boredom or loss of respect for them.
  • There is no sexual attraction at all & in some cases you may even feel repulsed by the thought of it.
  • You both have absolutely nothing in common ~ you have grown in completely different directions.
  • You’ve tried counselling and even they give you a business card for a divorce lawyer!

So now what do you do? What will everyone say and how do you deal with the aftermath?

People talk and love a good story so don’t give them one. It is sad but true how others get enjoyment out of someone else’s misery! Be careful not to allow those people to get too close to you at this vulnerable time. You are fragile enough without having to deal with all the gossip and judgmental comments from them as well. This is your life and no one should be talking about your business but you & your Ex; especially if there are children involved. It is easy to vent to anyone who will listen but it really is in your best interest to only divulge things to a trusted friend or family member. You don’t need the added drama.

Isn’t it easier just to stay in this relationship rather to have to fight to get out of it?

Nothing is easier when it is unhealthy. Everyone deserves to be happy and have a loving partnership. Many people stay in relationships due to the kids but don’t fool yourself into thinking this is always the best scenario. Children are sponges and pick up on a lot more than you may realize. If they see a loveless marriage for most of their lives it can cause problems in their own relationships down the road. Money is another big reason for many couples to stay together but you have to ask yourself if it is really worth it in the long run to be tied to someone for only that reason. You are holding on to one aspect and giving up so many other qualities of life. It’s not all about the big house or fancy car; reciprocated love and great sex is worth way more than any material item.

10 steps that can help you to get over a divorce or long term relationship breakup:  Click Here to Continue Reading More of this post!

Article by Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talkshow

SW Photo IMPORTANT-THINGS-TO-REMEMBER-DURING-A-DIVORCE-OR-BREAK-UP

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5 Reasons To Love Being Single (With Matthew Hussey & Special Guest Lewis Howes)

Many people out there know I love Matthew Hussey and his viewpoint when it comes to all things relationships & dating. In this video he has a guest; Author Lewis Howes. Matthew seldom has people on his show but I enjoy it when he does!

In this video they discuss how to love being single and appreciating it when you are flying solo. I talk a lot about it in my own show and have done many blogs on this topic as well. You can never hear it enough as it can be a tough thing for people who are in a relationship transition or who have difficulty dating due to shyness or insecurities.

Learning how to enjoy being by yourself and be comfortable in your own skin will also bring you closer to finding love down the road. People enjoy being around others who are happy and confident. This type of energy is addictive and acts like a white light of encouragement. If you are doing the things that you love, you will exude a natural fearlessness and faith in yourself that you may not even realize you are presenting. This is a very attractive quality!

Learning what makes you happy and acting upon it regularly will always keep you in a great state of mind. Relying on a partner to make your life better is not the answer. Rely on yourself first and don’t expect someone to be the only source of your happiness.

Susan McCord     Please Check out The Dear Sybersue Talk Show