Add This Little Trick to Keep Your Relationship in a Happy Place!

Add This Little Trick to Keep Your Relationship in a Happy Place!

Dear Sybersue answers this popular topic from her advice column!

“What is the key to keeping a relationship from becoming boring and routine!”

It is much easier than many couples realize! You don’t have to become another divorce statistic if this a part of your weekly practice! Not only will it change up the dynamics of your partnership, you will have fun at the same time!

Keep your partner wanting more by being MORE of who you are!

Susan McCord @ facebook.com/dearsybersue 
Facebook @ youtube/dearsybersue
Blogs & Advice Column @ sybersue.com

Acceptance of Your Mate: The Love Channel Interview with Pamela Cummins & Dear Sybersue

Acceptance of Your Mate: The Love Channel Interview with Pamela Cummins & Dear Sybersue

The Love Channel Radio Show

The Love Channel Interview with Pamela Cummins

Click Here to listen to the Full Radio Show 

Topic: “Acceptance of your Mate”

1) Pamela’s Question: What is causing the divorce rate to be so high and are we giving up too soon due to unrealistic expectations?

Susan’s Answer:

The divorce rate is high because people do not have to stay where they are not happy anymore. Divorce was severely shunned on back in the day. Women were expected to stay home and very few ladies had a career; therefore they were reliant on their husband’s finances regardless of how the relationship was progressing. They had no place to go if they were unhappy so many women made the best of their situation. Things have changed and women have more choices today which has changed the wifely duties of the past.

In answer to part 2 of your question; yes, I think there is truth to the fact that some people are giving up on their relationships too soon. They think the grass is greener on the other side when things aren’t perfect at home and the unrealistic checklists that many men and women have today are the big problem with this scenario. They want it all and their expectations are way over the top. They just take the same thing into their next relationship because they don’t understand they are the one that needs to change their behavior.

On the other side of the coin, I think there are just as many people who do everything they can to try to keep their marriages together.  There are also many more men willing to go to counselling now than in the past where it was predominantly women seeking outside help. Men were always told to keep their emotions “in check” but today things are different and the old school mentality is changing. Contrary to what many women think, they are a great number of guys who believe in marriage/commitment and want a loving partner to come home to every night.

2) Pamela’s Question: Why do so many men & women constantly complain about each other today?

Susan’s Answer:

I think there are a lot of men and women that very unhappy with themselves and where they are in their lives right now. There is a lot more financial pressure on people today. They feel beaten up trying to pay astronomical rents, buy a house, pay for expensive University fees and just dealing with the lack of people to people contact in today’s “hide behind the computer” world! They find the smallest reasons to sabotage any chance at a relationship because their self esteem needs some love and attention. They start to become pessimistic because everything is a fight to make happen. (Unless of course they have family support or they are a trust fund kid.) When people are always complaining or saying negative things, they are generally not happy with who they are! They point fingers at other people to avoid pointing it at themselves.

People give up too easily and blame everyone around them when things don’t work out!  The big problem is; the more they chose to be a negative person the longer they will be single, because no one wants to listen to the constant bantering of why they can’t meet someone! Painting each sex with the same negative brush will not get you closer to meeting someone of substance because you are repelling your chance of happiness right back out into the black wall of loneliness. We all need to look in the mirror and own our crap.

Both sexes are in denial these days because we are all so much pickier and judgmental than we have ever been. One quick swipe on the tinder app we are onto the next person without taking the time to see anything else about who they might be. Looks are everything these days!

3) Pamela’s Question: What does acceptance really entail in a relationship?

Susan’s Answer:

You love them for who they are in all capacities ~ even their quirks. You get excited for them when they accomplish their goals. You are happy to be by their side and show your support even at boring business dinners or cheer them on at whatever they are doing. You encourage them at every step and want them to be even more of who they are. You don’t try to squash them. This must be a reciprocated acceptance for the longevity of a healthy and loving relationship.

4) Pamela’s Question: How do we keep appreciating each other as the years go by and how do we deal with those little things that are starting to annoy us?

Susan’s Answer:

You must work hard to keep your relationship fresh and not allow the small things to take over your relationship! When you respect each other and remember the good things in your partnership; this will always outweigh the little aggravations that nip at you annoyingly.

  • Start each day on a positive note. Say something nice to one another every day.
  • Leave thoughtful notes or texts throughout the day.
  • Have one hobby or sport you do separately from each other to have time away by yourself which will give you time to miss each other. When you are always in each other’s face it can be too much sometimes.
  • Communicate! The little things build up because we are not listening to our partners!! Don’t ignore them.
  • Respect your partner & your surroundings. Pick your wet towels & dirty laundry up from the floor, don’t dry your underwear on the shower rail for days on end, don’t put the milk back in the fridge empty and always replace the toilet paper roll! You must have heard of the divorce term “Irreconcilable Differences? For the most part they are repetitive things that keep happening in your relationship. Just because you have been together for a long time is not a reason to stop being a good roommate. If you started slacking off at work you could get fired; same thing at home!

5) Pamela’s Question: What are some great ways to remind ourselves of how special our partner is even when we are very frustrated with them?

Susan’s Answer:

Look at some old photos of happy times together or take an evening away from them to reflect about the good things in your relationship. Watch other couples interact and remind yourself how lucky you are.  Keep a little diary of all the special things you have shared and re-read it every so often. Memories are a wonderful tool to help remind you of the reason you & your partner chose to be together.  Never let the frustration get too big without talking to them about it. Some couples break up with one person never knowing what the Hell happened! I cannot stress it enough how important it is to communicate before it’s too late to salvage your partnership.

6) Pamela’s Question: When do we know that something is not acceptable anymore and is causing us to put our own life on a lower priority?

Susan’s Answer:

It’s a good thing to put your partner first but not at a huge expense of your own happiness. It must be reciprocated for the relationship to keep growing or it will become very unbalanced.  If one person is doing all the compromising it is not a loving partnership, it is a selfish one. When something is too easy many people get bored and move on to something else. If you are a constant doormat and doing everything for your significant other and putting your own needs on hold, you will never get the respect you are looking for with them. Little challenges in life are what keep us motivated but when it is too available we take it for granted.

7) Pamela’s Question: How do we know that we are in a healthy relationship?

Susan’s Answer:

Because when you are in a great relationship it isn’t a lot of work and very little drama occurs. It flows. To make a partnership work, acceptance and appreciation of each other’s choices must be discussed with compromises in place. It is not about just loving them regardless of how they live their life.  It is a partnership that brings love and respect on an equal footing. There is no sarcasm, no jealousy, no snarky or abusive comments and you’re excited to be together regardless of how many years have gone by. It just feels right and there aren’t any questions.

Check out Susan’s Videos at Dear Sybersue YouTube Talk Show                                                                                Pamela Cummins @ The Love Channel Show

Dear Sybersue ~ My Girlfriend’s Sarcastic Sense of Humor is Ruining our Relationship!

Dear Sybersue ~ My Girlfriend’s Sarcastic Sense of Humor is Ruining our Relationship!

Heart of Eternity

Heart of Eternity

Dear Sybersue,

I hope you can help me with this and I appreciate you being totally honest with how you respond. My girlfriend of 5 years is a beautiful 32 year old woman but she is very unhappy in her job as a waitress. (On the opposite end of the spectrum I love my job as a firefighter!) We live together and were inseparable for the first 3 years.  She has always been a little sarcastic and I used to think it was funny & meant in a lighthearted way. Now I feel she is using her “so called humor” at my expense & I do not find it humorous in the least!  It is very derogatory. She has a few girlfriends that she treats the same way and I have noticed they are coming around less & less. I have told her how I feel but she just can’t seem to help herself and is still sarcastic on a daily basis. I am almost ready to leave our relationship but I still love her and had planned on marrying her!

What do you suggest?

Almost Done Daniel

ANSWER

Hi Daniel,

I am so glad you wrote! I am not a fan of sarcasm and never have been. It has a very small place in the world of communication but occasionally there can be some funny one liners & needed comebacks. For the most part though, it is a nasty way of verbalizing what someone really wants to say in a negative way, especially in a relationship! They think if they add humor it will lose the real intent of their feelings. Continual sarcasm is used by people who are insecure for the most part. It makes them feel better by shutting someone else down in a “playful” way. The problem is, it isn’t playful after the second & third time it is repeated.

You mentioned your girlfriend is not happy in her job, which is probably where her insecurity stems from. She is mad at herself for not changing her life & takes it out on you by using these sarcastic jabs. You on the other hand, have a heroic job where many women put you on a pedestal. This just adds fuel to her insecurities & she unknowingly sabotages your relationship. She is jealous of your life because she feels inferior to you and your accomplishments. She needs a wake up call before she loses you completely.

If you truly love her & want to salvage this partnership, these five things need to be addressed:

1) She needs to leave her job ~ which means you will have to be by her side supporting her emotionally & mentally while she goes to school or learns a new career. ( She may need a little help financially if she has to take less work shifts to do this.)

2) Communicate to her how this sarcasm has to stop or you will leave the house every time she uses it. It is not to be tolerated and she needs to realize how often it is happening. (No confrontation, just remove yourself from the situation.) If she doesn’t try to make any changes at all then you may have to leave the house for good with your suitcase in hand.

3) Make sure you are giving her positive feedback on a regular basis as this will contribute to her feeling less insecure as well. She may need some counselling if this problem is rooted deeper than just changing her job. There could be some childhood self-esteem insecurities that she hasn’t dealt with.

4) Remember; It’s not your job to FIX her but be supportive while she is making these changes to her life. Give yourself a time limit of how long you are willing to be there and make sure she is really sincere on working things out in your relationship. You have been there for 5 years and if she is not serious about you as a couple you need to move on.

5) She needs to apologize to you and her friends that have walked away & tell you all that she is dealing with her issues. She must own her part in the demise of your relationship and these fizzling friendships, which is the biggest part of any type of therapy.

Making these alterations should put you on your way to a stronger & healthier relationship. Good for you for caring and taking the time and the effort to make things better at home. So many people would just walk out & not even try to understand how to correct it. Your girlfriend may just need a little understanding and some professional coaching to change her ways. At the very least you have done all that you can do to make it work out for your partnership which shows how much you love her Daniel. Hopefully she sees what a great guy she has and changes her ways. ❤

Keep me posted!

Sybersue

Dear Sybersue Talk Show @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew  Post  (by Andrea Wesley The Bolde.com)

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew Post (by Andrea Wesley The Bolde.com)

Photo Credit: WeHeartIt TheBolde.com

Photo Credit:
WeHeartIt at TheBolde.com

This guest post is written by Andrea Wesley from The Bolde! She is one of my talk show co-hosts who has been in my life for over 5 years now. Although Andrea and I are from two different generations we have spent many afternoons discussing dating and relationship topics to no end! Regardless of what birthday you are approaching there is always something to talk about when it comes to love or lack of it! Some of us take longer roads to get there but there is always something to learn and appreciate along the way. Andrea and I both write blogs because of it so that is a bonus to the relationship drama we have both endured over the years.

This post says it all and gives great insight on how to deal with being single when all your friends are in relationships! It is a great read. ❤ Love you Miss Andrea! ❤

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew Post by Andrea Wesley

The older we get, the more the people around us are settling down and starting lives and families of their own. When you’re the last single girl standing among your group of friends, it can start to feel like you have less and less in common. There was a good chunk of my past few single years where I felt extremely bitter and resentful, or that I was that flawed and tragic friend who never had a date to the party and couldn’t relate to those conversations pertaining to the ups and downs people were experiencing in their loving relationships. As it turns out, being the last one standing without a partner isn’t a bad thing at all, but there’s a particular survival method to get to that place of being completely content with being the last single girl in your crew.

1. Live vicariously through your friends and learn from them. You’d be amazed what you can learn from your friends and what they go through in their relationships. They’ll tell you all the good things you have to look forward to, and also the realities of the struggles of being in a partnership. When you’ve been single for a while, you might start to forget about the compromises that come with being part of a duo. Being the outsider looking in gives you a new perspective on relationships and helps you to recreate the image of what you want for yourself one day, when the lucky guy finally arrives to your single girl party.

Please Click this Link to See More of This Post by Andrea —–>: http://www.thebolde.com/survive-last-single-girl-crew/#sthash.poUSfbTP.dpuf

About The Author

ANDREA WESLEY

Andrea is a 30 year old freelance writer living in the suburbs of Vancouver, Canada. By day, she’s a kale eating, gym going office professional and by night she’s a wine drinking, Netflix loving pizza eater. She also writes a personal blog about her humorous dating adventures and even though she hasn’t found “the one” yet, she keeps entertained by her friends, family and crazy ginger tabby, Jagger.

Susan McCord AKA Dear Sybersue  and also Check Out  Susan’s Talk Show 

Susan McCord is the Special Guest on The Love Channel Radio Show with host Pamela Cummins, Today at 3 pm ET

The Goldylocks Zone

Love Channel ShowPamela Cummins

Goldylocks Productions Presents The Love Channel Show with Pamela Cummins, Today, Wednesday, 14 October 2015 at 3 pm ET.

The Love Channel Show is about relationships. Romantic, friends, family, business, animals, in other words – any kind of relationship! Since LOVE is everything, we also talk about spirituality, self-growth, healing, psychic and intuition topics. Listen and take a journey deeper into love!

http://www.successfulrel.com

http://www.holistichealingcommunity.ning.com

Susan McCord

Special Guest: Susan McCord

Susan is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Talk Show Host, Interviewer, Published Author, Certified Life Coach, Advice Columnist & Blogger. She is the author of Dear Sybersue, a dating & relationship book for men and women of all ages, an Expert Writer for UK website TheSWEXPERTS and writes regularly for her Dear Sybersue Blog & Advice Column.  Susan has over 300 uploaded videos with 1.4 million views on her YouTubeTalk Show Channel.

She has a great sense of humor which she contributes to her weekly shows. Susan`s…

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2 Tricks for Approaching Any Guy ~ A Video by Matthew Hussey

2 Tricks for Approaching Any Guy ~ A Video by Matthew Hussey

Today’s Guest Video is from “Matthew Hussey who is the world’s leading dating expert for women. He has coached millions of women around the world to help them get the love lives of their dreams. He’s a New York Times bestselling author, has his own national radio show, is a monthly relationship advice columnist for Cosmopolitan Magazine and the resident love expert on The Today Show.”

This video is very true about how many single people react or I should say “don’t react” when they are out for the evening. As I said in my blog post  Get off Your Bar Stool & Talk Talking to Each Other people have to start making an effort to simply say hello to each other!

We ALL have insecurities, fears and doubts and as Matthew Hussey said, we are all thinking the same things! Just knowing this, should help our confidence levels because every last one of has these similarities! No one is immune to feeling rejection or loneliness in their life at one time or another but to just sit back and not take chances is not going to change your love life! I cannot tell you how many times that saying hello has opened the doors to wonderful situations in my life over the years.

If you are really shy just take baby steps with people you might not necessarily be attracted to but find interesting in some way. Or just say hi to a stranger you pass in the gym or a coffee shop. After a while it just becomes second nature and a daily ritual. Why would we go out of our way to ignore someone in the same room as us? It doesn’t make sense! The big problem of course is all the gadgets we have attached ourselves to over the last 15 years and communication is becoming a lost art. But oh…we are comfortable saying whatever we feel behind our computer which is not always a good thing!

Don’t be angry and defensive because you are not meeting someone, change it up and make an effort. If you come across standoffish or unapproachable, people will not gravitate towards you. You will end up in a vicious circle and become even more jaded about dating, I agree so much with Matthew regarding this video but men should also use the same approach with women.  Both sexes need to start talking to each other again and quit worrying about the “what ifs!”  Why not?????

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube Talk Show

Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People & How do I Change this Dating Pattern?

Dear Sybersue is a Funny & Informative Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages! Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord discusses The question: Why do I keep Attracting The Wrong People and How do I Change this Dating pattern?

How often do you hear people say how frustrated they are with trying to meet someone and that they have basically given up on the whole dating thing? It takes two people to be in a relationship and two people to make it work. This means that each person is responsible for “their part” in the whole process in the building of a future partnership.

It’s not always the other person’s fault when a relationship fizzles or has trouble getting past the first few dates; but most of us like to think it is, so we don’t have to take any ownership of another failed scenario. Some people really do not see or understand that they are in a repetitive pattern going around and round in circles. They just keep getting annoyed that things never work out for them in the love department. They start to make excuses about why things aren’t working and even become jaded in some cases. There are a lot of sad, hurt and lonely single men and women that could fix this situation if they just took the time to think about how they may be contributing to this problem.

Watch this video to see how to get the Love you want in your life!

Susan McCord @ http/www.facebook.com/Dating RelationshipTalkShow