Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

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I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life.  Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.

Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other!

Not too long ago a friend of mine was publicly reprimanded by a male radio host for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way.

Why do we do this to each other and why are some men and women so damn angry?

People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people!

Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become negatively embedded into your mind.

The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is because both men and women lack ideas or creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date.  It also has a lot to do with self-esteem and fear of rejection as well.

The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario.

Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)

Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available at night clubs.

Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it also gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive hangout for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely and the pattern continues.

Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:

  • If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to what their profile says & notice any red flags with their pictures. Photos really are worth a thousand words on most online dating sites and many people choose to ignore these obvious signs!
  • Don’t get caught up and blinded by a person’s status! These are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type. These people usually frequent the same establishments and word travels fast. Do you really want to be known as a groupie? (You may not even be aware that you have this reputation.)
  • Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. They are usually pretty easy to spot so keep your eyes open and observe. Body language is also a dead giveaway.
  • Don’t allow yourself to be the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
  • People who only date the perfect & beautiful types.  Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.

External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.

Finding true love should not be abusive or emotionally painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.

If you classify yourself as a certain “type” or that you only like a certain type of person, you will be forever stuck in repetitive scenarios.  Fear can be a powerful relationship suppressor, so be cognizant of forming any patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of what may or may not happen.

Challenge those internal demons as to why you don’t feel worthy of having love in your life.

If you don’t have the strength to get out of  reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.)

Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance.  Everyone deserves love!

Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:

  1. Golf driving range or at an Executive Par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there. (Unless of course you are a great player!)
  2. Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
  3. The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
  4. Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
  5. Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
  6. Sporting venue (hockey game, baseball game, soccer match, golf spectator etc.)
  7. Any mingle social event or lounge  (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
  8. Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
  9. Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women attending who have similar interests as you. That way you already have something in common.
  10. Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.

The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship.

Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up!

You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It’s totally your decision and no one else.

We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.

Be open & ready to receive a loving partnership into your life. ❤

Susan McCord @ Please Check Out My YouTube Channel for Videos on similar topics!    The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

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Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend is a Nice Guy but I Like Bad Boys!!

Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend is a Nice Guy but I Like Bad Boys!!

Why do I Always go for the Bad Boys?

Why do I Always go for the Bad Boys?

Dear Sybersue:

I have been dating my boyfriend Andrew exclusively for 1 year now and I really do love him. He is ready to take the next step and move in together but I am questioning whether we are a good match for a long term commitment. He is the ultimate nice guy and is everything a girl would want! He really is a perfect boyfriend. I never have to question things or try to figure him out because he is always so even keeled and non confrontational. Our sex life is good; a little on the vanilla side but I am very attracted to him physically!

The problem is:

I am used to bad boys and really miss the excitement of it all! I am 31 years old and should be ready for a real relationship by now, but there is something that keeps pulling me back from wanting a normal conventional existence with one guy. I miss the intensity of bad boy sex and spontaneous get-togethers from my past a year ago. I know I should be thankful that I have someone in my life who loves me unconditionally without all the B.S. of a guy who is only there for a “good time not a long time,” but I admit I am a little bored with Andrew.

What do you suggest I do?

Thanks Sybersue, April84

Dear April,

Have you ever thought about what it would be like for you not to have Andrew in your life? Are you possibly taking him for granted because he is always available and there for you? Maybe you are used to the up and down drama from your past “bad boy relationships” and miss that intensity of the constant mystery. Are you really OK with your past booty call lifestyle and can you see that continuing on for the rest of your life? If your sex-life is too vanilla with Andrew then you need to discuss ways to spice it up. Tell him what you like and take the initiative to change it. Most guys are pretty open to new things in the bedroom!

Click here to read the rest of Dear Sybersue’s answer

dear-sybersue-my-bf-is-a-nice-guy-but-i-like-bad-boys SWSusan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

How to Get Over an Abrupt Relationship Breakup

How to Get Over an Abrupt Relationship Breakup

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How to Get Over an Abrupt Breakup? Blow them a kiss goodbye and thank them!

This topic came to me in an e-mail from a young guy who watches my show on YouTube.  He recently got the Dear John Text from his girlfriend of 6 months with no warning but his positive attitude surprised me!!  He said yes I am sad that it is over as I really enjoyed my time with her but “what choice do I have but to just move on? ‘No’ means ‘NEXT’,” were his words.  While this is much easier said than done for most people,  it is always better to be realistic about why it ended abruptly.  When a relationship ends it can be very painful but some breakups really do only warrant a small acknowledgment of hurt, resentment, rejection or hibernation.  In other words, why spend too much time pining over someone who is disrespectful enough to send you a breakup text and simply doesn’t want to be with you?

Most of the hurt that occurs from a breakup is due to our own egos, and not always our actual love for the person that left us.  Especially if it was a short-lived relationship.

Why harbor sadness or anger with someone who didn’t have the decency to say goodbye to you in person? Be thankful they are gone. Of course if you were in a two-year-plus relationship, your heart is more invested and it is not as easy to let go. You shouldn’t be able to say goodbye that easily but if you can, then you need to re-evaluate how you spend your time and your relationship choices. Staying in a long term partnership when you are not really into it, is not fair to them or yourself.

I have one male friend who went into a depression with every break-up, even if it was only a very short time spent with them. It has caused a lot of heartache over the years for him. He was in a dating pattern of constantly choosing the wrong women because he was blinded by one thing; their beauty!  He was looking for a commitment or so he said but all his actions spoke the opposite!  He had so much emotional baggage due to the fact that he was not dealing with why the breakups were happening or the repetitive choices he was making. With each new woman he dated, it  became harder to clean up the demons he was accumulating.  He finally discovered that he had a problem with rejection stemming from his childhood with a very unemotional mother who never showed him love of any kind. After much heartbreak and finally receiving some counselling, he came to understand why he made the shallow choices that he did, but it took him 20 years to get it!

Learning how to respect yourself first will make you move on faster or not allow you to be there in the first place.

Feeling like “the victim” in a breakup will only prolong your pain and make you angry. You can’t make someone love you! The hardest thing to grasp is that they are over you . You were dismissed, so to speak. We all think that we will never have another perfect relationship like the one that has just ended, but if it were so wonderful you would still be together. Know that you will have another relationship and it will be a better one down the road. You just can’t see it now because your ego is hurt.

Things don’t just fall apart for no reason.

It wasn’t meant to be and The Universe is trying to help you, probably because you weren’t taking the subtle hints it was throwing at you for the last 3 months. (Like when she/he took that 2nd vacation without you or they still haven’t given you a set of house keys after 2 years together.)

Moving on in other areas of your life will help with your relationships too.  Remember that job that was so difficult to go to everyday and then all of sudden they gave your pink slip, due to so-called downsizing (or some other term companies use today to protect themselves from a wrongful-dismissal suit) but in the end they actually did you a favor because you are now in a job that you really love. How many times has it NOT worked for the better? Change is always fearful, even if it is something we are ready for.  Many people become creatures of habit as they get older. Reminds me of the movie GROUNDHOG DAY! Let’s not become this routine-obvious boring person. Life needs some stability and normalcy but it doesn’t have to be a bad movie.  Keep your mind fresh and free. People will always gravitate towards energy.

The word “NEXT” should have excitement written all over it and should be embraced into your everyday life with optimism.  It is meant to make you grow and become more of who you are at the time. You should never stop growing with each approaching birthday. Complacency and boredom are the real killers, not old age~

Sometimes life becomes more of a struggle when we don’t register that something is too much work and all-consuming. The reason being it is not meant to be.  Your intuition will always lead you in the right direction in a relationship. When you are sad, depressed or insecure in a partnership these are red flags that should not be ignored.  When you have a reciprocated love it isn’t a lot of work, it just feels right. There is no drama or questions!  So the next time someone says an abrupt goodbye to you, use this experience to move on out of that negative roadway and onto the next amazing path life has in store for you. Breakups can be a good thing and cause you to look deeper into who you are and what is really important to you long term. Cry a little, wave them goodbye and get ready for a better place without them in it.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube/com/c/susanmccord

Lifestyle Advice ~ How to Know When you are in a Healthy Relationship

Dear Sybersue is an Informative Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages! Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord makes you think! Today’s discussion; How to be in a Healthy Relationship. Respect yourself first always and stay away from toxic scenarios!

What are some of the signs that you may need to move on?

Susan’s Talk Show http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers
Come and say hi on facebook ~ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

Dating Relationship ~ 10 Things Men Wish Women Wouldn’t Do & 10 Things Women Wish Men Wouldn’t Do!

#TBT It’s Throw Back Thursday and time to revisit a few videos from a few years ago! We had a lot of fun with these two shows:)

This topic discusses little pet peeves that many men & women have dealt with in their dating & relationship experiences. It’s not a bad thing and we each have our own quirks and idiosyncrasies. That’s life!  When we learn to accept and appreciate the little things that make each sex different is when we stop ending relationships for the smallest reasons!

Many people sabotage their own happiness because their checklists are too long and unrealistic.  We all have to lighten up and quit sweating the small crap that happens in life. I know that is easier said than done and I have to remind myself not let certain things get to me as well.  It’s so easy to get frustrated when things don’t go our way more often than we would like, and that includes scenarios in a partnership.

Learning to laugh about our distinctive habits or characteristics and not take things too seriously is the best way to live.  We are all extraordinary in our own way and should be proud of that person we are. This is not to say that we can’t always improve on ourselves and evolve into a more diverse version.  As our bodies change over the years our mind should as well.  It is never too late to add another dimension to who we already are. ❤

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dating Advice – Why do so Many Women Need to Know Everything on the First Date?

Dear Sybersue:

Why do so many women need to know everything about me on the first date?  What is with all the questions and the big checklist?  I feel like I am being interrogated!  It is so annoying and such a turn off. Why can’t people just take things slow? I’m not the only guy who feels this way as many of my male friends have discussed it with me.  It is becoming a common occurrence and I am getting fed up…grrrrr

I am sure there are men who do this to women as well but I am just speaking about my own experiences. Why don’t people just let things unfold without 200 questions. What the heck is wrong with everyone today?

Thanks, Bryan 

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dear Sybersue ~ I am Dating a Guy Who is Moving Way Too Fast!

Dear Sybersue is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages!

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord answers Kristy’s question;

Dear Sybersue,

I am dating a guy who is really moving FAST!  I admit I liked it in the beginning because it was wonderful to meet a man who actually followed through with everything he said.  But…after 4 weeks together he is starting to drive me crazzzy with all his constant planning ahead!

Why is this happening? I am freaking out & getting turned off!  I need some space!

Thank you, Kristy 🙂