Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend Has Not Told Me He Loves Me After 6 Months

Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend Has Not Told Me He Loves Me After 6 Months

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Dear Sybersue,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months now.  He hasn’t said the “L” word at all yet.  We have an amazing relationship and see each other 4- 5 times a week. I feel like he is falling in love with me by certain things that he does or says but I don’t want to assume anything.

I’m supposed to wait until he says “I Love You” first, right?

A friend told me that some guys wait until they are with someone at least a year before saying anything. That seems like such a long time! Is that true???

Niki

Dear Niki,

There are so many factors that play a part in the answer to your question. Six months is usually the time frame to start to “base the reality of your relationship” because we can all be on good behavior for 3 or 4 months.

It is what happens after that time frame that becomes the true test of a relationship.

I respect your boyfriend for not blurting out the “L” word too soon as so many guys think they have to say it in the first two months, whether it is sincerely meant or not.

Saying that; I personally I think a year is a long time not to hear these words if you are in a committed relationship and seeing each other often.

When two people really LOVE each other it is harder not to say “I Love you” than to say it.

This is going to sound sexist but I have always preferred it when the man leads with saying it first. Some guys get scared off by aggressive women who say “I Love you,”too quickly.  Of course this isn’t set in stone and today things are different in the relationship world.

It is up to you to weigh that out in your own personal relationship.

If you are the one who ends up saying it first and he runs in the opposite direction after 6 months, then sadly, you will have your answer with where your partnership stands at the present time.

Many women become emotionally connected too soon when there is great sex involved and “think” they are in love; when in fact they have fallen in “lust!” When men finally say “I Love You” after an extended period of time, they usually mean it.

Is it really important to you that he says it right now, with how great things are going between you both? In answer to your question Niki, I would be patient a little while longer as he seems like a wonderful guy who greatly respects you and is committed to you.

After a few months  if you are really concerned about where you stand with him, gently ask him how he feels about you. You have a right to know where your future stands with him.

Maybe there is something he is afraid of from his past relationships or his family life? These questions below are something that you should know about him and they will help you to understand him better.

  1. Was he deeply hurt by a woman before?
  2. Has he ever been in love? (He may have commitment issues or emotional demons.)
  3. Was his childhood a happy place?
  4. Is he close to his parents and has a healthy relationship with them?
  5. Does he show love to other people in his life?  In other words is he capable of showing that side of himself or is he removed?
  6. Is he affectionate with you and are you sexually compatible together?

If he is a happy guy & comfortable in his own skin, then he is probably just making sure that when he does tell you he loves you, it is the perfect time to do so. If he is loving, holds your hand, compliments you often, puts you first and is proud to be with you, he is definitely on the path to saying it soon!

Listen to your intuition in the next few months & watch his body language as well. You don’t want to be the last to know you are “Mrs. Right Now” and he just “really likes you.” Nor do you want to spend 2 years with someone only to find out he is happy being in a “friends with benefits” based scenario.

I strongly disagree with giving a man an ultimatum scenario as you really want him to be with you on his own accord & not forced into a marriage or commitment.

What does your gut really say? Your instincts are seldom wrong & truly are your best guide. Listen carefully.  Most of those wrong decisions we make in our lives is due to ignoring those powerful spidey-senses.

Please watch the video below for further for more on this blog article:

Wishing you much love ❤ & happiness Niki ~ Keep me posted!!

Thanks for writing.

xo Sybersue

The Dear Sybersue Talk Show              DearSybersue Facebook

 

 

Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?

Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?

What is wrong with me and why do I keep repeating these same dating patterns?

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Social media and computer dating is becoming the norm with how people interact these days. Mingle meet up groups are trying to make a comeback but people still seem to be stuck to their smart phones rather than being open to meeting in person!

People are lonelier than ever because of how some of these dating websites seem to attract superficial men and women who are just out to play games.

There are some happy endings that eventually transpire but why are there so many more stories that don’t work out?  Why do some people keep enticing a certain negative “type” into their existence,  which continually puts them back out into the dating pool?

If you have met a lot of these unfavorable types, you are doing something to attract them towards you.

Regardless of whether you believe in “The Law of Attraction” there is something to it. Negativity attracts negativity.  Everyone is entitled to finding love, but if you are always repeating the same unfulfilling scenario, how is it beneficial in the long run?

There are many women who only meet “Bad Boys” because they are allowing them to keep coming into their life. For some reason they think it is exciting to be treated like crap.

There are also men that only meet pretentious, materialistic hot women, because they are choosing “her looks” as the top priority.  The end result is both sexes are constantly complaining about each other!

Going for the same brand of person which keeps backfiring into a non-existent love life takes years for some people to figure out. “Changing the pattern will change who you meet.” As simple as that sounds it seems to be the biggest mistake men and women repeatedly make.

Why is that?

Many people react out of anger when something happens that is repetitive and unrewarding in their life. This annoying cycle continues because they don’t understand that they are in denial of their own actions!

When a person becomes jaded or angry about the same thing over and over again, wouldn’t it make sense to investigate why it is affecting them to that level?

I see it all the time on the comment section under some YouTube videos.  So many men and women continually vent their frustrations about the same subject, rather than learning how to deal with why it bothers them so much.

This is especially true regarding both sexes in the dating market. If something isn’t working, isn’t it a good idea to fix it rather than bitching about it to anyone who will listen?

No one wants to hear it except for a few others who are also angry about the same thing.  Misery loves company and saying that, I rest my case…negativity attracts more negativity.

Is it really easier to constantly complain about some things that cause drama in your life than to find a solution that betters your world?

We are all guilty of sounding like a broken record at some point in our lives but the people who quickly understand how dangerously repetitive this is, are the ones who move on to find happiness.

If your love-life sucks, be honest about the part you play in it.

I can’t stress enough that we are all in charge of how our lives evolve and that ultimately the choices we make are ours. Yes, we all land in the school of hard knocks while finding out who we are, but the sooner we learn and own the lesson, the faster we move on to a healthier foundation.

So stop repeating the same old story and quit talking about what you don’t want in your life. Talk about a future relationship like you won a lottery!  Think about all those wonderful things you would be able to do and how positive you would feel with less stress and more love in your life.

Thinking happy thoughts and keeping hope alive helps put out positive vibrations that eventually boomerang back towards you.

There is enough love out there for everyone and you deserve it just as much as anyone else does. You don’t ever have to settle for an unhealthy situation so quit allowing yourself to choose them. ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show

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How to Get Over an Abrupt Relationship Breakup!

How to Get Over an Abrupt Relationship Breakup!

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How to Get Over an Abrupt Breakup? Blow them a kiss goodbye and thank them!

This topic came to me in an e-mail from a young guy who watches my show on YouTube.  He recently got the Dear John Text from his girlfriend of 6 months with no warning, but his positive attitude surprised me!!

He said;  “Yes I am sad that it is over as I really enjoyed my time with her but what choice do I have but to just move on? No means NEXT!”  While this is much easier said than done for most people, it is always better to be realistic about why a relationship ended abruptly.

Most breakups can be very painful especially if you were blindsided by your partner.  The faster you understand that some endings just aren’t worthy of a long drawn out sadness and really only warrant a small acknowledgment of hurt, resentment, rejection or hibernation, the better!

In other words, why spend too much time pining over someone who is disrespectful enough to send you a breakup text and simply doesn’t want to be with you?

Most of the hurt that occurs from a breakup is due to our own egos, and not always our actual love for the person that left us. Especially if it was a short-lived relationship.

Why harbor sadness or anger with someone who didn’t have the decency to say goodbye to you in person? Be thankful they have moved on so that you can meet someone who will treat you better.  (Of course if you were in a long term relationship with them, your heart is more invested and it is not as easy to let go.)

I have one male friend who went into a depression with every break-up, even if it was only a very short time spent with them. It has caused a lot of heartache over the years for him. He was in a dating pattern of constantly choosing the wrong women because he was blinded by one thing; their beauty!

He was looking for a commitment or so he said, but all his actions spoke the opposite! He had so much emotional baggage due to the fact that he was not dealing with why the breakups were happening or the repetitive choices he was making.

With each new woman he dated, it  became harder to clean up the demons he was accumulating.  

He finally discovered that he had a problem with rejection stemming from his childhood, he had a very unemotional mother who never showed him love of any kind. After much heartbreak and finally receiving some counselling, he came to understand why he made the shallow choices that he did; but it took him 20 years to get it!

Learning how to respect yourself first will make you move on faster or not allow you to be there in the first place.

Feeling like “the victim” in a breakup will only prolong your pain and make you angry. You can’t make someone love you! The hardest thing to grasp is that they are over you . You were dismissed, so to speak. We all think that we will never have another perfect relationship like the one that has just ended, but if it were so wonderful you would still be together. Know that you will have another relationship and it will be a better one down the road. You just can’t see it now because your ego is hurt.

Things don’t just fall apart for no reason.

It wasn’t meant to be and The Universe is trying to help you, probably because you weren’t taking the subtle hints it was throwing at you for the last 3-6 months. (Like when she/he took that 2nd vacation without you or they still haven’t given you a set of house keys after 2 years together.)

Moving on in other areas of your life will help with your relationships too. Remember that job that was so difficult to go to everyday and then all of sudden they gave your pink slip, due to so-called downsizing (or some other term companies use today to protect themselves from a wrongful-dismissal suit) but in the end they actually did you a favor because you are now in a job that you really love.

How many times has it NOT worked out for the better?

Change is always fearful, even if it is something we are ready for.  Many people become creatures of habit as they get older. Let’s not become this routine-obvious boring person. Life needs some stability and normalcy but it doesn’t have to be a bad movie.  Keep your mind fresh and free. People will always gravitate towards that positive energy.

The word “NEXT” should have excitement written all over it and should be embraced into your everyday life with optimism.  

It is meant to make you grow and become more of who you are. You should never stop being diverse with each approaching birthday. Complacency and boredom are the real killers, not old age.

Sometimes life becomes more of a struggle when we don’t register that something is too much work and all-consuming. The reason being; it is not meant to be!

Your intuition will always lead you in the right direction in a relationship. When you are sad, depressed or insecure in a partnership these are red flags that should not be ignored.  When you have a reciprocated love it isn’t a lot of work, it just feels right. There is no drama or questions!

So the next time someone says an abrupt goodbye to you, use this experience to move on out of that negative roadway and onto the next amazing path, that life has in store for you. Breakups can be a good thing and cause you to look deeper into who you are and what is really important to you long term.

Cry a little, wave them goodbye and get ready for a better place without them in it.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

A Love Revisited (A Poem by Susan McCord)

                              

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My heart beats fast when I think of you,
After lingering kisses so long ago,
A chemical power hauntingly so,
I know you still feel the touch of it too.

My heart never counted the years gone by,
When I saw you recently, it was crystal clear,
The stirring deep within me was not all in my mind,
I understand the reasons I could never say good-bye!

Although our lives are different after many years apart,
It’s time to now revisit what we blindly left behind,
and listen to the Universe we once chose to ignore,
Which united us together for a brand new start.

Love has a purpose that we don’t always see,
and life’s tough lessons can be hard to learn,
Our time wasn’t then, we both needed to grow,
We’re now on the path we were always meant to be.

Together ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

HELP! My Life is Crazy & My Sex Life Is Non-Existent In My Marriage!

HELP! My Life is Crazy & My Sex Life Is Non-Existent In My Marriage!

Dear Sybersue:

I live a very full & pretty decent life for the most part. I have two children, a dog and a great partner whom I still love after 10 years. His job is demanding & I work 5 days a week myself. I am also putting in time to develop my own business on the side to help with our heavy mortgage.

Needless to say juggling it all and still having a busy social schedule is a challenge as I am sure it is for many people out there. My sex-life is non-existent at the moment & my passion for it is a little depleted due to the lack of physical connection my husband and I share.

Even though I seem to be managing my crazy life, I have to admit I feel tired & stressed out all the time these days!

I do not take care of myself in the way I should due to time restrictions with work, & the children’s activities. I do not feel nearly as sexy or attractive as I used to in my single days. I don’t have time to be the feminine hot woman of my past existence anymore.

I don’t even know what a girl’s night out is these days! My friends seem to have given up on me because I have so little time for them. I don’t blame them.

Every so often I get very depressed and do not want to see or talk to anyone which makes it even worse. I feel overwhelmed ~ Any ideas to help??

From The Suburban Housewife

ANSWER

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Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

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I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life.  Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.

Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other!

Not too long ago a friend of mine was publicly reprimanded by a male radio host for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way.

Why do we do this to each other and why are some men and women so damn angry?

People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people!

Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become negatively embedded into your mind.

The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is because both men and women lack ideas or creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date.  It also has a lot to do with self-esteem and fear of rejection as well.

The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario.

Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)

Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available at night clubs.

Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it also gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive hangout for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely and the pattern continues.

Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:

  • If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to what their profile says & notice any red flags with their pictures. Photos really are worth a thousand words on most online dating sites and many people choose to ignore these obvious signs!
  • Don’t get caught up and blinded by a person’s status! These are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type. These people usually frequent the same establishments and word travels fast. Do you really want to be known as a groupie? (You may not even be aware that you have this reputation.)
  • Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. They are usually pretty easy to spot so keep your eyes open and observe. Body language is also a dead giveaway.
  • Don’t allow yourself to be the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
  • People who only date the perfect & beautiful types.  Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.

External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.

Finding true love should not be abusive or emotionally painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.

If you classify yourself as a certain “type” or that you only like a certain type of person, you will be forever stuck in repetitive scenarios.  Fear can be a powerful relationship suppressor, so be cognizant of forming any patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of what may or may not happen.

Challenge those internal demons as to why you don’t feel worthy of having love in your life.

If you don’t have the strength to get out of  reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.)

Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance.  Everyone deserves love!

Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:

  1. Golf driving range or at an Executive Par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there. (Unless of course you are a great player!)
  2. Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
  3. The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
  4. Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
  5. Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
  6. Sporting venue (hockey game, baseball game, soccer match, golf spectator etc.)
  7. Any mingle social event or lounge  (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
  8. Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
  9. Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women attending who have similar interests as you. That way you already have something in common.
  10. Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.

The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship.

Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up!

You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It’s totally your decision and no one else.

We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.

Be open & ready to receive a loving partnership into your life. ❤

Susan McCord @ Please Check Out My YouTube Channel for Videos on similar topics!    The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

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Ageism is Something that Young People Should be Aware of too!

Ageism is Something that Young People Should be Aware of too!

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Ageism definition: prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person’s age.

As a mature women this topic of ageism is something I have been aware of for many years but it actually affects men & women of ALL ages.

Why is age allowed to define someone?

One of the first questions a person is asked on almost any form is; Enter Your Birthday mth/day/year. Why do they have the right to ask you this? Most non medical/government forms do not ask for your weight so why is this “none of your business” birthday question permitted?

The minute you tell someone how old you are, their judgment is automatically internalizing. It may not be verbally discussed but it is definitely stirring within the thought process of the person asking.

Most of us are guilty of doing this to some degree as we have been programmed to base people on who they are; by how old they are. We need to base our critiquing on what we actually see & hear, not on how old someone is on their birth certificate!

If employers closed their eyes when they were interviewing a potential employee, they would get a completely different picture of who that person sitting in their office really was. 

From a very young age I have always respected & appreciated people in their maturing years due to their enlightening non-stop wisdom. I liked to surround myself with their stories and life lessons that they have learned with each passing birthday.

One of my favorite celebrities is Betty White due to her humor & zest for life at the young tender age of 95! She greatly inspires me as did George Burns for many years. He died at age 100 in 1996 and people still talk about him! I rest my case…

Quote by George Burns: “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.”

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People often become invisible when they reach a certain age.  No one should be ignored or considered “too old” by anyone.

We also have to abolish the double standard aging female vs. aging man scenario. It is well documented in history and even today, that men are viewed as “distinguished” as they age, while women in the workforce feel as if they are viewed as “grazers out in the pasture” after 50. (Thankfully this is slowly starting to change as women are fighting back as we speak!)

Although certain professions may have age restrictions due to strenuous job requirements, I truly believe that each person should be considered on an individual non-prejudiced nature. After all; 50 is the new 35 and with that comes great life experience, better fitness levels & professional expertise. Why wouldn’t a company embrace that?

Successful businesses have a variety of age groups in the employee mix as they are intelligent enough to understand how well this works. If there was only “one hiring age,” everyone would think the same way which can lead to a narrow minded marketing strategy down the road.

“An innovative business is a successful business!” How many people out there wouldn’t hire Richard Branson at the age of 66? Am I making my point yet?

Ageism is also a difficult time for many people turning 30. There is much anxiety today for this age group due to the path their parents & grandparents led. There is pressure to have children, buy a house & have the perfect career, which is not happening as often for everyone these days.

Companies want experience but don’t want to pay for it, so many University grads are getting passed over! Many businesses advertise to hire interns with “no pay”to work for a year! How can students afford to do that when they have 5 years of loans to pay off after getting their degree???

There is so much competition for only a few jobs that it is discouraging millennials from even wanting to go to school anymore! They can make more money as a server in a high end restaurant without having any loans to pay back.

It doesn’t seem to matter what type of career choice you venture into, the competition is fierce. Whether it is the gaming or social media market, there is a waiting room full of hopeful young men and women vying for the same job.

One of my friends is an amazing singer/songwriter in her 30’s. In music land she is considered less & less for her incredible talent strictly due to her age and has actually been told that a few times! Basically, she is not as programmable or in my words (easily manipulated) as a 15 year old rising star tends to be.

This is very sad! Who said that talent stops at 25?  There is a reason for shows like “The Voice” and “America’s Got Talent” that do not have an age restriction for mature applicants. Finally someone gets it!

Speaking of shows…

As a mature woman on YouTube I have taken some verbal beatings with regards to my age. I started my talk show 8 years ago on the YouTube platform which initially had an audience primarily in the under 25 category.  In the first year I was a called a wrinkled old bag, ugly & old, an aging bitch & a few other names that start with “F.”

Moving forward into 2017 with many age groups now visiting or uploading on YouTube & other social media sites, I am now very fortunate to have many wonderful comments written to me regularly with regards to my talk show videos.

The negative feedback occasionally still happens and it is still sadly apparent that ageism will probably always exist in social media with young adults. I guess it makes some people feel better to be able to vent their personal opinions as they can safely hide behind a computer while doing so.

So why did a mature woman decide to put herself out there on HD video & social media?

I started my online Lifestyle Talk Show to help men & women with dating, relationships, self esteem issues & to help them find love in their lives. So many people were complaining of how difficult it was to meet someone & how their self image & low self esteem was playing a big part in their loneliness.

I wanted to help make their lives easier by discussing numerous topics that I had dealt with during my long lived dating experiences, my divorce, being a single mother and my turbulent childhood. I am pleased to say that there are many wonderful people who truly appreciate my wisdom & life experience and I am happy to be able to help.

There will always be the few people who like to use bullying comments because of my advancing age & maturity, but I know in my heart they are lashing out due to their own unhappiness & insecurities. It makes some people feel powerful to put others down; another life lesson many of us learn much too late in life.

Regardless of what age you are now, it is time to think about where you want to be down the road with with each advancing birthday. It may not be affecting you at this particular moment but before you know it, you will be dealing with ageism in some form or another.

Surround yourself with mentors who have walked the walk of life as they will be the best guides you could ask for.

If we keep making age a factor in who we choose to have in our employment, our personal lives or our entertainment choices, we will be missing out on one Hell of a lot of talented & wise people we could learn from.

With many companies & establishments not hiring people after 50 these days, there are going to be many financially despondent people collecting welfare down the road. This could be one of your parents, yourself or even worse, one of your children.

It’s not too late to change your thinking and start to make a difference in this life. Everyone who crosses your path is there to teach you something or for you to teach them something. That is a good thing and an education all in itself. ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show