My heart beats fast when I think of you,
After lingering kisses so long ago,
A chemical power hauntingly so,
I know you still feel the touch of it too.
My heart never counted the years gone by,
For when I saw you recently it was crystal clear,
The stirring deep within me was not all in my mind,
I now know the reason I could never say good-bye!
Although our lives are different after many years apart,
It’s time to now revisit what we blindly left behind,
And to listen to the Universe we once chose to ignore,
Which has united us together for a rekindled start.
Love has a purpose that we don’t always see,
And life’s tough lessons can be hard to learn,
But our time wasn’t then, we both needed to grow,
We’re now on the path that we were always meant to be.
I live a very full & pretty decent life for the most part. I have two children, a dog and a great partner whom I still love after 10 years. His job is demanding & I work 5 days a week myself. I am also putting in time to develop my own business on the side to help with our heavy mortgage.
Needless to say juggling it all and still having a busy social schedule is a challenge as I am sure it is for many people out there. My sex-life is non-existent at the moment & my passion for it is a little depleted due to the lack of physical connection my husband and I share.
Even though I seem to be managing my crazy life, I have to admit I feel tired & stressed out all the time these days!
I do not take care of myself in the way I should due to time restrictions with work, & the children’s activities. I do not feel nearly as sexy or attractive as I used to in my single days. I don’t have time to be the feminine hot woman of my past existence anymore.
I don’t even know what a girl’s night out is these days! My friends seem to have given up on me because I have so little time for them. I don’t blame them.
Every so often I get very depressed and do not want to see or talk to anyone which makes it even worse. I feel overwhelmed ~ Any ideas to help??
I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life. Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.
Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other!
Not too long ago a friend of mine was publicly reprimanded by a male radio host for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way.
Why do we do this to each other and why are some men and women so damn angry?
People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people!
Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become negatively embedded into your mind.
The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is because both men and women lack ideas or creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date. It also has a lot to do with self-esteem and fear of rejection as well.
The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario.
Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)
Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available at night clubs.
Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it also gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive hangout for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely and the pattern continues.
Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:
If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to what their profile says & notice any red flags with their pictures. Photos really are worth a thousand words on most online dating sites and many people choose to ignore these obvious signs!
Don’t get caught up and blinded by a person’s status! These are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type. These people usually frequent the same establishments and word travels fast. Do you really want to be known as a groupie? (You may not even be aware that you have this reputation.)
Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. They are usually pretty easy to spot so keep your eyes open and observe. Body language is also a dead giveaway.
Don’t allow yourself to be the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
People who only date the perfect & beautiful types. Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.
External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.
Finding true love should not be abusive or emotionally painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.
If you classify yourself as a certain “type” or that you only like a certain type of person, you will be forever stuck in repetitive scenarios. Fear can be a powerful relationship suppressor, so be cognizant of forming any patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of what may or may not happen.
Challenge those internal demons as to why you don’t feel worthy of having love in your life.
If you don’t have the strength to get out of reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.)
Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance. Everyone deserves love!
Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:
Golf driving range or at an Executive Par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there. (Unless of course you are a great player!)
Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
Any mingle social event or lounge (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women attending who have similar interests as you. That way you already have something in common.
Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.
The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship.
Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up!
You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It’s totally your decision and no one else.
We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.
Be open & ready to receive a loving partnership into your life. ❤
Ageism definition: prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person’s age.
As a mature women this topic of ageism is something I have been aware of for many years but it actually affects men & women of ALL ages.
Why is age allowed to define someone?
One of the first questions a person is asked on almost any form is; Enter Your Birthday mth/day/year. Why do they have the right to ask you this? Most non medical/government forms do not ask for your weight so why is this “none of your business” birthday question permitted?
The minute you tell someone how old you are, their judgment is automatically internalizing. It may not be verbally discussed but it is definitely stirring within the thought process of the person asking.
Most of us are guilty of doing this to some degree as we have been programmed to base people on who they are; by how old they are. We need to base our critiquing on what we actually see & hear, not on how old someone is on their birth certificate!
If employers closed their eyes when they were interviewing a potential employee, they would get a completely different picture of who that person sitting in their office really was.
From a very young age I have always respected & appreciated people in their maturing years due to their enlightening non-stop wisdom. I liked to surround myself with their stories and life lessons that they have learned with each passing birthday.
One of my favorite celebrities is Betty White due to her humor & zest for life at the young tender age of 95! She greatly inspires me as did George Burns for many years. He died at age 100 in 1996 and people still talk about him! I rest my case…
Quote by George Burns: “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.”
People often become invisible when they reach a certain age. No one should be ignored or considered “too old” by anyone.
We also have to abolish the double standard aging female vs. aging man scenario. It is well documented in history and even today, that men are viewed as “distinguished” as they age, while women in the workforce feel as if they are viewed as “grazers out in the pasture” after 50. (Thankfully this is slowly starting to change as women are fighting back as we speak!)
Although certain professions may have age restrictions due to strenuous job requirements, I truly believe that each person should be considered on an individual non-prejudiced nature. After all; 50 is the new 35 and with that comes great life experience, better fitness levels & professional expertise. Why wouldn’t a company embrace that?
Successful businesses have a variety of age groups in the employee mix as they are intelligent enough to understand how well this works. If there was only “one hiring age,” everyone would think the same way which can lead to a narrow minded marketing strategy down the road.
“An innovative business is a successful business!” How many people out there wouldn’t hire Richard Branson at the age of 66? Am I making my point yet?
Ageism is also a difficult time for many people turning 30. There is much anxiety today for this age group due to the path their parents & grandparents led. There is pressure to have children, buy a house & have the perfect career, which is not happening as often for everyone these days.
Companies want experience but don’t want to pay for it, so many University grads are getting passed over! Many businesses advertise to hire interns with “no pay”to work for a year! How can students afford to do that when they have 5 years of loans to pay off after getting their degree???
There is so much competition for only a few jobs that it is discouraging millennials from even wanting to go to school anymore! They can make more money as a server in a high end restaurant without having any loans to pay back.
It doesn’t seem to matter what type of career choice you venture into, the competition is fierce. Whether it is the gaming or social media market, there is a waiting room full of hopeful young men and women vying for the same job.
One of my friends is an amazing singer/songwriter in her 30’s. In music land she is considered less & less for her incredible talent strictly due to her age and has actually been told that a few times! Basically, she is not as programmable or in my words (easily manipulated) as a 15 year old rising star tends to be.
This is very sad! Who said that talent stops at 25? There is a reason for shows like “The Voice” and “America’s Got Talent” that do not have an age restriction for mature applicants. Finally someone gets it!
Speaking of shows…
As a mature woman on YouTube I have taken some verbal beatings with regards to my age. I started my talk show 8 years ago on the YouTube platform which initially had an audience primarily in the under 25 category. In the first year I was a called a wrinkled old bag, ugly & old, an aging bitch & a few other names that start with “F.”
Moving forward into 2017 with many age groups now visiting or uploading on YouTube & other social media sites, I am now very fortunate to have many wonderful comments written to me regularly with regards to my talk show videos.
The negative feedback occasionally still happens and it is still sadly apparent that ageism will probably always exist in social media with young adults. I guess it makes some people feel better to be able to vent their personal opinions as they can safely hide behind a computer while doing so.
So why did a mature woman decide to put herself out there on HD video & social media?
I started my online Lifestyle Talk Show to help men & women with dating, relationships, self esteem issues & to help them find love in their lives. So many people were complaining of how difficult it was to meet someone & how their self image & low self esteem was playing a big part in their loneliness.
I wanted to help make their lives easier by discussing numerous topics that I had dealt with during my long lived dating experiences, my divorce, being a single mother and my turbulent childhood. I am pleased to say that there are many wonderful people who truly appreciate my wisdom & life experience and I am happy to be able to help.
There will always be the few people who like to use bullying comments because of my advancing age & maturity, but I know in my heart they are lashing out due to their own unhappiness & insecurities. It makes some people feel powerful to put others down; another life lesson many of us learn much too late in life.
Regardless of what age you are now, it is time to think about where you want to be down the road with with each advancing birthday. It may not be affecting you at this particular moment but before you know it, you will be dealing with ageism in some form or another.
Surround yourself with mentors who have walked the walk of life as they will be the best guides you could ask for.
If we keep making age a factor in who we choose to have in our employment, our personal lives or our entertainment choices, we will be missing out on one Hell of a lot of talented & wise people we could learn from.
With many companies & establishments not hiring people after 50 these days, there are going to be many financially despondent people collecting welfare down the road. This could be one of your parents, yourself or even worse, one of your children.
It’s not too late to change your thinking and start to make a difference in this life. Everyone who crosses your path is there to teach you something or for you to teach them something. That is a good thing and an education all in itself. ❤
Dear Sybersue discusses the question: Should you tell your BFF that her boyfriend is really an assh@le? No one likes him but she doesn’t know that. She thinks her boyfriend is great even though he is aggressive, controlling and abusive!
Would you intervene?
Whenever there is a question regarding safety or abuse with someone, it is always important to help out your friends & family by acknowledging your concerns. No one wants to be “the snitch” or “that person” that comes across as interfering, but sometimes it is necessary to be the person who does this.
Love really can be blind which makes some people ignore the red flags in front of them. They don’t actually see the real person and who they are in a relationship with. Lust can do powerful things to a woman and not always in a good way.
We all need a little guidance at certain times in our lives and being a BFF to someone means having to talk about the hard things occasionally as well. It is all about how you deliver the warning to your friend and how gentle you are about it. Being too critical will put them on the defensive and have the opposite effect. Give them some examples that makes them aware of what you have noticed about their unhealthy relationship.
We all know the stories of the friendships that end because of this type of situation but a true and loyal friend will understand how much you love them to put yourself in this uncomfortable predicament. Real friendship isn’t only about the good things, it also includes being true to them when things need to be addressed.
Regardless of whether you are in a relationship or just dating at the moment, these tips are something to implement into your sex-life.
Many of us forget about the little things that we loved about each other when we first met & we become complacent within our relationships. This is not something to be taken lightly and nurturing the love between you & your partner should be a top priority on a daily basis.
Taking each other for granted is one of the top reasons for the divorce statistics today.
You chose each other for a reason ~ don’t forget why. Keep things fresh & alive by continually adding new special memories within your relationship. You wouldn’t stop loving & nurturing your children, so put in the same energy with loving your partner.
Women love romance and if a man knows how to be romantic, he will be able to sensuously lure his lady into the bedroom without persistence. Men love regular sex so this is a win/win situation!
50 Sex Tips & Intimate Suggestions to Keep Your Relationship Strong:
1. Both sexes need to keep sex fresh and alive! Don’t be predictable!
2. Men like women who are willing to explore new things between the sheets & who initiate sex as well.
3. Women like massage/candles/soft words and a man who caresses them. (They do not like to be to be groped or men who are constantly aggressive!)
4. Men love lingerie and a woman who enjoys wearing it. (They also like sexual surprises when out for the evening. Many men find it very sexy when he knows what his lady is wearing or “not” wearing under her outfit.
5. Booze-less sex is better than a drunken session. The senses are more alive when sober! (And you actually remember you had sex!)
6. Daytime sex is the best scenario for both genders. Sex after 9pm becomes a quick expected routine & not always as arousing because everyone is tired from their busy day.
7. A little naughty talk in the bedroom is alluring for both sexes!
8. Send phone sex messages during the work day. (If you call them at the office ensure the speaker phone is off!)
9. Always listen to what your partner says they like during sex.
10. Don’t ignore men’s nipples.
11. Pick up on their desires in & out of the bedroom & use it to your advantage.
12. The smallest romantic gestures will increase your odds of better sex or at least getting it once in a while. Head nods towards the bedroom are not considered foreplay.
13. Try new positions. Don’t become a “vanilla sex” creature of habit in the bedroom.
14. Wear cologne or body cream lightly & do not forget the deodorant! You may not think you need it but trust me most people do!
15. Learn how to read each other’s emotions & feelings so you know when they are in the mood for love or at least how you can help get them in the mood.
16. Be aware of their body language. Know when something is not right
17. Light Candles. Hold hands when you are sitting beside from them on the coach and talk with them about things they are interested in. Show them you really care about their life.
18. Ladies; after your man gets home from work, bring him a drink or the remote control for half an hour. He needs time to unwind quietly for a bit and is ready not a deep conversation. Or sit together and chat lightly about other things that aren’t stressful.
19. Men: after your orgasm sex is NOT over!
20. Scream out during sex once in awhile let the neighbors know you are not that boring couple after all.
21. Sex is not just penetration!
22. Don’t ask someone if they would like to have sex! Be creative and lure them into the bedroom.
23. Shave! That goes for both sexes; do a little landscaping.
24. Sexting is great foreplay!
25. Complement your partner & make them feel good about themselves which gives them confidence that you find them attractive. Body image is very important, especially for women.
26. Don’t wear flannel pajamas, curlers or eye shades to bed or around the house for the matter.
27. Shave her legs or paint her toenails once in awhile ~ wax his unibrow or give him a foot massage.
28. Wash his/her hair or other pampering things Mom used to do.
29. Dress sexy for them, even at home.
30. Dental hygiene; floss, whiten and keep your breath fresh! Yellow teeth are a huge turn off and get worse with age, be preventative before it happens.
31. Get rid of granny panties & tighty whities!
32. Tell each other what you like & want in bed. Guide each other with your hands. Don’t just lie there like a starfish.
33. Men love women who actually enjoy giving oral sex and don’t just do it on their Birthday because it is expected. The same goes with oral sex for women. It makes us more comfortable & relaxed when our man enjoys it. (Don’t forget to eat a little pineapple!)
34. Think ahead romantically for special occasions.
35. Sexual confidence is a turn on for both sexes!
36. Take your time during sex; don’t be in a rush for the finish line or happy ending!
37. Find their erogenous zones and work them, especially if you want them to get in the mood before your bedroom liaison.
38. Don’t assume that one orgasm is all they are good for. (That goes for men too, ladies.)
39. Have sex outside the bedroom.
40. Make-out on the couch, elevator or in the car like a teenager if you have been together for a while.
41. Tell them often that you love them & want them. Don’t assume they know.
42. Be respectful of each other’s time. Late for a date probably means you won’t get laid that night!
43. Valentine’s Day is a reminder of “romance for dummies” so make other days special for no reason other than you care about them.
44. Don’t be afraid to be a mush-ball occasionally. Let down your conservative guard and really show your soft emotional side. It makes the other person feel special when you show a little vulnerability.
45. Have a naughty “pet name” for them in the privacy of your bedroom.
46. Read or watch something sexy together to spice things up if you feel like your sex life is becoming repetitive.
47. Take turns planning weekly date nights. Be creative! It also keeps you focused on your partner during the time you are prepping for the big night.
48. Never be too busy for your partner! Take their calls, text them throughout the day, make their favorite meal, bring home little gifts once in awhile and always remember dates on the calendar that are important to them.
49. Kiss them deeply every day, hug them constantly and always get up to greet each other when they come home. Constantly connecting with your partner through “touch” will always keep you close as a couple.
50. Take sexy vacations or mini holidays to refresh your sexual desires for one another. Getting away from the daily routine at home puts you into a different space where you can relax. Make sure there is a double bathtub or hot tub in the hotel where you can share a glass of wine & candlelight together.
Love is like a full time job and the relationships that last for many years are the ones that were nurtured and prioritized above all other life expectations.
The grass is seldom greener on the other side so don’t walk away from a salvageable situation because you didn’t make every effort possible to be a loving partner. Never forget how to love them or why you fell for them in the beginning. Cherish every moment together and never become complacent.
It really only takes a few minutes a day to remind your partner why you love them…<3
Why do people date before they are emotionally ready?
Why do we repeat patterns that don’t work rather than working through them so that we choose better relationship scenarios?
The reason there are many unhappy single men and women is due to their own denial about what is really going on inside their heart. There is a hurt that needs to be healed and nurtured before they can truly love someone and be loved.
It is very important not to bury your past heartache but to bring it to the forefront and honestly look at both sides of what transpired. You chose this person to be in your life and you need to understand why you did. What lessons were you suppose to learn? What did you take away from your experience?
Remembering the great things about your past relationship is a positive approach but you have to also be realistic about what wasn’t so great too. If it were a good fit, you would still be together now. They may have been a stepping stone to get you to a much better place down the road.