A Dating Discussion on Ghosting!

In the video above, my guest Co-host Andrea Wesley & I talk about another big dating problem; “Ghosting!”  Why has this become such an issue in the online dating world?

For those people still learning what this new millennial phrase actually means; it is basically being a “no show” or “standing someone up” on a date!  OK, so in my day back in the dinosaur dating era it did happen once in awhile, but not anywhere near to the extent that it is happening now!

What does this do to a person’s self esteem when having to constantly deal with being blown off without even a text as to why? I can see why so many men and women are fed up with dating today! There is lack of commitment and lack of sincerity and let’s not even talk about major trust issues building up in everyone.

Why is basic everyday etiquette becoming a rare occurrence? How are we going to change this before dating becomes obsolete?

What do you think we should do to prevent this from continuing?

Susan McCord @ http://www.facebook.com/dearsybersue
Andrea Wesley @ http://www.thebolde.com/author/AndreaWesley

 

A Male Opinion: It’s hard to meet women; they don’t give me the time of day!

Why are women so rude to men sometimes?I talk to many men via my blog and advice column about numerous topics relating to women, dating and relationships. The biggest complaint I hear is “It’s hard to meet women and they don’t give me the time of day!”

When I speak to women about this frustration from men they profusely disagree that this is not true.

Well… I can tell you that I have witnessed this behavior from a fair amount of ladies at different venues in various cities in North America and especially in Vancouver B.C. where I live! I honestly think that some women don’t realize how standoffish they can appear to others when they are out for the evening.

Body language tells a big story to the audience that’s watching.

Many guys tell me that they receive very little response back from their brave hello to women; unless of course they are the ultimate “bad boy” chick magnet! (But then they are not the ones complaining!)

Ladies I know there are some real dicks out there and that the majority of you are not ALL cold and unresponsive to men, but if dating is ever going to change you have to start being nice to guys who are pleasant and who acknowledge you. They don’t have to fit the criteria on your checklist.

A kind smile and a friendly hello doesn’t mean you have to date them! It’s called human “face to face” connection and something that is becoming obsolete these days!

Women say that men only care about hooking up and having sex. “They are not interested in a long term partnership!” While I have met many guys who do fit this description; I disagree that the majority of men do not ever want a committed relationship.

Men have told me that after so much rejection from women today, they just finally gave up looking for anything real and started to make it only about sex; as women seem to be OK giving that to them early on! (Maybe women need to talk about this with each other???)

I enjoy being around men; I understand men and I have often said I am coming back in my next life as a man! My girlfriends think I am out of my mind bat sh*t crazy. “Why would you ever want to be a guy?”

Because…it would be a nice change.😉

Men get to be who they are without a lot of high maintenance daily rituals; as there are less expectations when it comes to physical appearance. They get to be strong minded without being labeled as a bitch. They can have sex with numerous women without being called any derogatory names. Men get to stand up to pee (so jealous!) and they can have a fight with their buddy & 10 minutes later have a beer together as if nothing has happened. All is forgiven and not held onto for an eternity! Women never forget and tend to hold grudges.

Don’t get me wrong; being a woman is pretty cool and definitely has many wonderful perks but I could do without some of nature’s gifts on the emotional and biological side. And yes…we can be bitches especially in Vancouver I am told!

OK…we understand that each gender has unique qualities; so why can’t men and women just accept the differences and get on with their lives instead of continually  pointing fingers about what they don’t like about one another?

  • Why are we fighting each other and repelling in the opposite direction of ever having a loving partnership?
  • Why is the Millennium one of the loneliest eras in relationship history? Is it because we think we can always do better and that our picky & judgemental ways are making every date a one night disaster?
  • When did wearing the wrong color socks or having fat ankles become a relationship deal breaker?
  • Why did the word ghosting become a regular habit in the dating arena? When did we become so rude by not showing up for a planned date because we were playing games & never intended to actually follow through with it, or because someone or something better came up!
  • Why have we lost all concern for human etiquette and respecting each others time and efforts?
  • Why are there so many angry comments from men about women on social media sites?

You don’t have to follow everyone else who has taken on some of these negative behaviors and you can stand out by not taking part in these ongoing endless rants about what isn’t transpiring between men and women!

Don’t let yourself fall into the pessimism of what isn’t working!

Fix it!

How does complaining about each other make things any better? Why would you ever give up on something an important as LOVE? I know things are repetitively annoying out there in the dating world but there are ways to change it.

You can start by putting the damn phone away. How can you possibly interact with anyone when your head is constantly positioned downwards? Your body language shows up as removed and far too busy to notice people around you.

If you want to have a relationship one day down the road you are going to have to resort to…wait for it…Eye contact!

I know righhht?

It’s actually not that difficult to fix this problem but I am starting to think everyone gets more empowerment from complaining about each other, then believing that there is someone amazing out there for them.

When people have been very hurt from a breakup or feel rejected; fear takes over and becomes the growing root of their loneliness. These pessimistic thoughts are dominating their path; therefore inhibiting and sabotaging their chance to be able find a loving partnership.

“You Must Believe to Achieve.”❤

10 Simple Things to Think About to Help Change the Dynamics between Men & Women:

  1. Don’t turn your nose up at anyone who acknowledges you!
  2. Smile at people you are in close contact with at restaurants, at the gym or any social outing you are attending.
  3. Only use your phone for important messages when out for the evening! Stop with the selfie crap!
  4. Do not judge someone without even speaking to them.
  5. Make a point of having a small conversation with at least 3 people every time you go out. It will start to become a natural occurrence and also make others feel special & comfortable.
  6. Do not put anyone on the spot by asking personal questions about them. Be original!
  7. Do not have any expectations about them buying you a drink or dinner!
  8. Be interesting & fun! People are always observing from across the room and gravitate towards a positive personality.
  9. If someone asks you out on a date and you are not interested; be polite and respectful with your answer. Never give someone your number when you have no desire to see them again.
  10. Regardless of past hurt, it’s not just about you and what you want in your life. Make sure any conversations are a reciprocated scenario.

PS: Ladies if you need some help getting out of a dating slump/pattern or over a breakup or divorce come and join us every 2nd Tuesday in Kitsilano at my Single Women Meetup Group!

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show        Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

Sex Discussion: Are You Good In Bed?

Sex Advice: Are you good in bed?

Do you think you are a good lover?

This is a question we should all ask ourselves and maybe our partner as well. If you don’t want to hear the answer, chances are, you may not be.

Becoming a good lover starts from wanting to be.

Have you ever noticed how some people just ooze sensuality by the way they walk, talk, dress, their mannerisms & body language? By showing this sexual confidence, there is a very good chance they are in tune to the sensuous side of themselves!

That is not to say that quiet introverted types are boring in bed, it may just take more work to find out in the initial stages upon meeting them.

Many people are attracted to the trailer of a movie before seeing it and assume it will be an amazing film!  We all know that is not always the case!

It is really important to learn how to talk to your partner about sex before you get between the sheets. We all have different needs & preferences which may or may not be of interest to the other person. Many things can be learned about one another when the questions are relayed gently & diplomatically without the pressure of nudity.

If someone is into S&M, fantasy role playing, threesomes or fetishes, it is sex etiquette 101 to tell your partner beforehand. Blindsiding them with your Zorro cape & whip or latex suit in the bedroom may not be the best idea.

How does a person comfortably bring up “Sex” in a conversation when they are getting to know someone?

• Some people will not agree with me on this but do not discuss sex on the first date! Get to know if you even like who they are first.
• Kiss them first before any sexual discussions begins ~ you have to like “how” they kiss to want to move to the next level.
• Ask them what is important to them romantically.
• Tell them where some of your erogenous zones are before you actually have sex together. (Other than the obvious areas of course!)
• Send them an email or text with a sexy message.
• Tease them with tasteful flirtatious comments when you are not in a private intimate setting. Make them want you.
• Ask them what is most important to them in a sexual relationship.
• Tell them what you desire most in the bedroom ~ what makes you feel special.
• Watch their body language when discussing sex ~ is it tense or relaxed? How can you make this a comfortable place for them to want to be?
• Start slowly with the questions & know when to back off. Being too aggressive is not a turn on and can have quite the opposite affect!

Why do some people seem to have an easier time with sexual discussions?

Self confidence is a big attraction for both sexes so the more attention & dating experience you receive, will help build your self esteem to even higher levels. Insecurity is the main reason for many relationships not getting to the next phase because nervousness will keep you from being relaxed “to ask or answer the questions.” This takes time to develop so don’t be hard on yourself if discussing sex isn’t in your comfort zone right away. There are many dating coaches that can help you with this.

Have you ever noticed how “happy people” seem to have a little swagger in their presence? That is because they are usually having regular sex. Disgruntled people are often void of sexual release & could even be feeling very lonely. It can become a repetitive cycle because the negativity worsens with each passing month of a sexless existence. (It would be great if we could just walk up & sniff out our lover like the animal kingdom, but the human population is much more complicated than that. ;))

Here is an honest question to ask yourself;  Do you like sex?

If you are not really interested in sex and just do it once in awhile to make your partner happy, you will definitely need to alter “your thinking.” So many men and women make this mistake & wonder why their partner doesn’t want to come home to them or eventually takes on a lover! Find out what has turned you off liking sex and try to fix the problem.

Ignoring it is not going improve your relationship or your everyday moral. Sex is a feel good part of life and when it is removed, you lose a part of yourself with it. How many times have you heard people say: “She/he needs to get laid?” ~ It’s because they usually do!

Questions to ask “yourself” about your bedroom antics:

• Are you an initiator?
• How secure are you with your body?
• Do you show your partner you are enjoying sex?
• Can your partner tell when you have an orgasm?
• Are you adventurous or repetitive?
• Do you vary the location or prefer sex only in the bedroom?
• Do you make eye contact when making love?
• Do you think “head nods” towards the bedroom are foreplay?
• Are you a communicator in bed? Light moans can be enticing and let your partner know you are enjoying it.
• How loud are you in bed? Do they cover your mouth or put a pillow over your head?
• Are you too quick to climax, too slow or have trouble achieving an orgasm?
• Do you enjoy oral sex or are you uncomfortable about it and don’t like to participate?
• How routine are you in the bedroom & are you open to change?

Answering these questions truthfully can help you understand if you are a good lover or that you may need to spice things up in the bedroom. Practicing them regularly will not only improve your sex life it will make your partner want to run home to you. It will put a spring in your step and will also put one in theirs!❤

An active sex life is the key to a long & healthy relationship. Ask an older couple who has been married for many years what their secret is & you can bet that their sex life has always been an active one. Romance is also the remedy to staying young. It may not keep you winkle free but it will always keep a smile on your face with each approaching year.

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com
The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Millennial’s & Dating

Talk Show Host Dear Sybersue and Guest Co-host Andrea Wesley discuss how difficult dating is for Millennials these days! What’s going on? Do people have too big a checklist and are they too picky? Why is sex & hooking up expected on the first date and who made up that rule?

Is online dating and social media the main issue? What do you think the biggest problems are for the millennial age group?

Please leave your comments below.

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com    facebook.com/DearSybersue
Andrea Wesley @ http://www.thebolde.com/author/andrea-wesley/

 

Why Dating isn’t a “Game” & How Men Should Really be “Playing”it.

pixabay loving couple-498484_960_720

“Both sexes constantly rant that dating is all one big game! “He only wants sex” and “she is a materialistic gold digger!” How often have you said these exact lines to your friends complaining about the lack of potential partner availability?”

Dating doesn’t have to suck!

You need to be your authentic self and show women how amazing you are. You are not a stereotypical man lumped into the category: “All men are the same!”

Saying that; all women are not the same either and if you want to meet that special lady to eventually share your life with; you have to be ready and open, to allow her to come into your life.

I know you’ve tried over and over again and nothing, nada, zilch has happened to make you stand up, take notice and believe that there is a woman out there for you. Have you ever thought that you could be stuck in a dating pattern?

Is it possible that you may be a little guilty of choosing the same type of woman that doesn’t work for you? Or are you too quick to make assumptions about a woman and who you think she is before you talk to her? (I have definitely had some of my own judgemental moments in that department during my past dating experiences!)

I have had many exasperated men reach out to my advice column with their frustration towards women. “I can’t find any quality women to date!”

Do you really believe that there are no good women out there or is it a two-sided situation with both sexes contributing equally? You may not even be aware of how often your own words or thoughts may have put you into the “game zone” of dating.

  • Do you like the chase or challenge with a woman?
  • Do you find yourself waiting for over a week before you text or call a woman for a second date?
  • Are you playing the bad boy routine because you think nice guys always finish last?
  • Are you sexually active on the first few dates and then ghost women (run away) when you lose interest?

Be aware of the type of woman you are attracting.

Do you have a similar type? Is she trophy wife good looking and takes 2 hours to get ready? Is she high maintenance, a game player or evasive towards you? If your love life is in a lull at the moment, it may be time to start analyzing your choices. You may not realize you are dating the same type of woman that doesn’t work out for you.

Switch it up! You like to fix broken things right? So do it in your personal life too.

Are you a very visual man and “looks” are the highest priority on your dating checklist? This can eliminate some amazing women that may not be a perfect 10 but who could be very compatible with you.

I am not saying you should overlook having a chemistry with someone you just met but don’t write a woman off because she is not “super model” beautiful or doesn’t reek of sexual pheromones.

Learn to stand out by not playing games

When you are serious and ready to meet a wonderful woman, get yourself out to as many activities or events as possible. While online dating is a great resource, there is nothing that teaches you how to interact with women better than talking to them in person.

It can be a scary and intimidating place at first so take baby steps by just smiling or saying hi to women you see in a coffee shop, event or at a restaurant. They don’t have to be someone you are interested in. Just be friendly and slowly get used to communicating with others.

Practice makes perfect!

Stay away from the women that haven’t worked for you in the past and put your attention towards someone you might not normally date.  You don’t have to ask every girl out that you have a conversation with.

You may be surprised how much you will enjoy chatting with women that are not your usual checklist type.

Get used to being friendly with both men and women everywhere you go. Really try not to make early judgements and look at each person individually. If your gut screams out “NO” to you then listen to it and move on. You don’t have to spend time with people who you don’t feel safe with or have any connection to.

When you do ask a woman out; be yourself.

Be honest with what you say to her and not what you think she wants to hear. Be a gentleman. Be real. Follow through with date plans, don’t be late or reschedule, put any first date sexual expectations on hold, show confidence and make sure the conversation is reciprocated and interesting.

Humor always adds a relaxed vibe to the date and ensures a comfort zone early on.

If you want to see her again, tell her that. No games! Call her the next day and thank her for the great evening. It shows strength to a woman when you respond without worrying about all the archaic dating rules of when you should or shouldn’t call.

Dating can be a lot of fun!

Men who understand that all women have something unique to offer and are beautiful in their own way are the ones that end up the happiest down the long road of romance.  Don’t let that incredible lady get away because you categorized her into the no date zone too quickly.

We all have flaws and insecurities and no one is better than anyone else.

Try not to sabotage your love-life due to fear, games or stifling thoughts and get yourself out there to meet the woman you deserve to have in your world.

You are worthy of love and all you have to do is to gradually let down your guard and shake off those cobwebs of past thinking to bring it towards you.  No one said relationships were easy but by adding new beliefs and removing old patterns will definitely put you on a brighter path of optimism in all aspects of your life.

Susan McCord @ http://www.sybersue.com

Facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/DearSybersue

The Dear Sybersue Talk Show YouTube @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

5 Things Women Should Do to Keep Their Man Interested Long Term

5 Things Women Should Do to Keep Their Man Interested Long Term

Pixabay couple kissing-1198291_960_720

It is difficult enough these days just to get past the 1st date but how do you keep a man wanting a lasting relationship with you?

Why do some women seem to have great experiences with men while others are constantly back out in the dating pool once again?

Learn from your past experiences and take these messages to heart:

  • What didn’t work?
  • What would you do differently next time?
  • Did you ignore your gut and not listen to those red flags that were waving away in front of you?

It is very important that you “own” the truth as to why something didn’t work out for you; and that goes for all aspects of your life.  Being honest with your self is the biggest stepping stone to real happiness and longevity in a partnership. If  you seem to be stuck and in a repetitive pattern with men that never seem to work out, try these 5 steps below to help keep your next partnership in a strong place.

5 Important Things to Keep Your Man Coming Back for More of YOU:

1. Allow your man to be a man.

The cavemen days might be over but men still want to bring home the buffalo “so to speak.” They have testosterone for a reason and need to be able to be a strong guy in a relationship. It is a good thing to be independent ladies but do not push away or squash your man’s masculinity because you are always trying to prove a feminist point. Men still need to be wanted!

Ask them to do things to help you. We tend to do a lot of things ourselves and then get mad at them for not helping us. (I don’t think we understand that we can be a martyr at times.) Do chores together or ask him to teach you how to fix something. Show interest in his accomplishments inside and outside the house.  I don’t know about you ladies but I love seeing a man in his tool belt!

2. Validate & Appreciate Him!

When your guy does something for you that is kind or thoughtful, thank him and tell him how special that made you feel. Even if it is something small like making you coffee every morning or when he runs out to the grocery store because you need something last minute; let him know how much it means to you. Taking his sweet ways for granted is deflating for him. (You know how you feel when he ignores something you did for him.)

We all need validating as it makes us feel heard in our partnership.  It is a positive reinforcement that encourages us to do more for each especially when it is reciprocated!

3. Take Pride in your Appearance.

Men are very visual creatures which can really piss women off!

“Why is he looking at other women?”

Why not make him attracted to you instead of someone else? He was interested in you when he met you so wouldn’t it be a good thing to keep up that appearance like the first time when you caught his eye?

Don’t become lazy and use the excuse that he should love you no matter what. Yes, we all change over the years and put on a few pounds here and there but it doesn’t mean you can’t maintain some sexiness with a little effort. He doesn’t need you to be a size 6; he just needs to know that you care and are still excited about him too! A little lingerie or a new hairstyle goes a long way girls!

4. Sex is Hugely Important!

There is nothing as exciting as passionate sex in the early stages of meeting a new partner. Wowza!! Unfortunately those fires don’t always stay lit and over the years there can be nothing but ashes left as a memory of those head banging days of multiple orgasmic lust.

NEVER let your sex-life be the last priority regardless of how busy your life is! I cannot stress this enough as it is one of the biggest reasons relationships dissolve! If you have to set up a sex date night as a reminder; do it!  Send him some naughty texts over the day or meet him at the front door after work in nothing but a trench coat & your stilettos. Be creative! It is OK to get a little out of your comfort zone once in awhile. I promise you won’t be sorry you did.😉

I know a lot of women do not like performing oral sex but you really should try get over that. There is a reason men made Steak & BJ day March 14th on their calendar! Go ahead and Google it!

Ladies; they really don’t care if you can cook trust me!

5. Be Fun and Interesting to be with!

Being a little adventurous and playful will keep your man interested as he will look forward to coming home and seeing you every day. If you become predictable, stuck in a monotonous routine, or not willing to try new things, your relationship may eventually fizzle due a boring state of complacency.

Go watch his baseball or hockey games and ask him to participate in something you enjoy as well. You’ve heard the expression: “People who play together stay together.” This is a true statement! Doing everything separate in your partnership is not a great idea as it eventually pulls you in opposite directions romantically as well! Having a few different interests is important in keeping your individuality but having nothing in common is a recipe for disaster.

In Summary:

A reciprocated effort between a couple is what makes a relationship last throughout the years. When one person “checks out” it is may be only a matter of time until the partnership is over for good. Men are really pretty simple and quite easy to please for the most part.Women are a little more complicated but that’s not really our fault as we come with a lot of extra hormones that men don’t have to deal with!

Stay true to who you without losing yourself in the relationship. A woman who has a full life is a great catch, because when she is ready for a relationship she wants a man in her life; she doesn’t need one. This is an attractive quality for most men as it gives them the freedom to be true to them self too.

He doesn’t have to worry about you every minute and enjoys spending time with you because you have many interesting things to add to the partnership. When you live a diverse life you have lots to talk about! There is seldom a dull moment which contributes to fulfilling conversations and great communication; which also allows the relationship to keep growing upwards in a positive direction.

It’s not as difficult as it may seem to keep the fires burning for years to come but both people have to do their part in rekindling the flames. It’s not a one person effort which is why it’s called a partnership.  By implementing the 5 steps listed above, you will have a better chance of keeping your love flourishing.

The little things matter…

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Lifestyle Talk Show

Homeless Man with a Different Sense of Humor

 

FullSizeRender (36)

Homeless Man Earning a Living in Las Vegas

“Save The Camel Toe” OK so some of you may not think this is funny but I have to tell you; like it or not the guy was making money with this sign!

I saw this man sitting on an overpass in Las Vegas smiling away with this homemade sign trying to earn a living. While I am sure many women did not find this amusing, I had to applaud his originality! His happy face was contagious which drew people towards his building coin collection. (It could be that they didn’t know what the sign meant and thought camels were in trouble?)

I find it quite enlightening that many people less fortunate than others seem to have the most positive outlook towards life. There is something to be said for that!

I never judge someone who I meet on the street with negativity. We all came from our mother’s womb but not everyone was spoon fed by a supportive team of family or friends.

Everyone has a story but not all of them have happy endings.

Be kind to everyone you meet and leave judgemental attitudes buried in the basement of life. There is no place for nastiness with all the real problems we face in today’s world.

This man is someone’s son and maybe someone’s brother or father. He has a history here on our beautiful earth and is not invisible. He also has a big smile & great sense of humor and could very well be on his way to becoming a millionaire!

Never take the good things in your life for granted-always count your blessings.❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Lifestyle Talk Show     Dear Sybersue Facebook Page