Dear Sybersue discusses the question: Should you tell your BFF that her boyfriend is a really bad guy? No one likes him but she doesn’t know that. She thinks her boyfriend is great even though he is aggressive, controlling and abusive!
Would you intervene?
Should you?
Whenever there is a question regarding safety or abuse with someone, it is always important to help out your friends & family by acknowledging your concerns. No one wants to be “the snitch” or “that person” that comes across as interfering, but sometimes it is necessary to be the person who does this.
Love really can be blind which makes some people ignore the red flags in front of them. They don’t actually see the real person and who they are in a relationship with. Lust can do powerful things to a woman and not always in a good way.
We all need a little guidance at certain times in our lives and being a BFF to someone means having to talk about the hard things occasionally as well. It is all about how you deliver the warning to your friend and how gentle you are about it. Being too critical will put them on the defensive and have the opposite effect. Give them some examples that makes them aware of what you have noticed about their unhealthy relationship.
We all know the stories of the friendships that end because of this type of situation but a true and loyal friend will understand how much you love them to put yourself in this uncomfortable predicament. Real friendship isn’t only about the good things, it also includes being true to them when things need to be addressed.
Regardless of whether you are in a relationship or just dating at the moment, these tips are something to implement into your sex-life.
Many of us forget about the little things that we loved about each other when we first met & we become complacent within our relationships. This is not something to be taken lightly and nurturing the love between you & your partner should be a top priority on a daily basis.
Taking each other for granted is one of the top reasons for the divorce statistics today.
You chose each other for a reason ~ don’t forget why. Keep things fresh & alive by continually adding new special memories within your relationship. You wouldn’t stop loving & nurturing your children, so put in the same energy with loving your partner.
Women love romance and if a man knows how to be romantic, he will be able to sensuously lure his lady into the bedroom without persistence. Men love regular sex so this is a win/win situation!
50 Sex Tips & Intimate Suggestions to Keep Your Relationship Strong:
1. Both sexes need to keep sex fresh and alive! Don’t be predictable!
2. Men like women who are willing to explore new things between the sheets & who initiate sex as well.
3. Women like massage/candles/soft words and a man who caresses them. (They do not like to be to be groped or men who are constantly aggressive!)
4. Men love lingerie and a woman who enjoys wearing it. (They also like sexual surprises when out for the evening. Many men find it very sexy when he knows what his lady is wearing or “not” wearing under her outfit.
5. Booze-less sex is better than a drunken session. The senses are more alive when sober! (And you actually remember you had sex!)
6. Daytime sex is the best scenario for both genders. Sex after 9pm becomes a quick expected routine & not always as arousing because everyone is tired from their busy day.
7. A little naughty talk in the bedroom is alluring for both sexes!
8. Send phone sex messages during the work day. (If you call them at the office ensure the speaker phone is off!)
9. Always listen to what your partner says they like during sex.
11. Pick up on their desires in & out of the bedroom & use it to your advantage.
12. The smallest romantic gestures will increase your odds of better sex or at least getting it once in a while. Head nods towards the bedroom are not considered foreplay.
13. Try new positions. Don’t become a “vanilla sex” creature of habit in the bedroom.
14. Wear cologne or body cream lightly & do not forget the deodorant! You may not think you need it but trust me most people do!
15. Learn how to read each other’s emotions & feelings so you know when they are in the mood for love or at least how you can help get them in the mood.
16. Be aware of their body language. Know when something is not right
17. Light Candles. Hold hands when you are sitting beside from them on the coach and talk with them about things they are interested in. Show them you really care about their life.
18. Ladies; after your man gets home from work, bring him a drink or the remote control for half an hour. He needs time to unwind quietly for a bit and is ready not a deep conversation. Or sit together and chat lightly about other things that aren’t stressful.
19. Men: after your orgasm sex is NOT over!
20. Scream out during sex once in awhile let the neighbors know you are not that boring couple after all.
21. Sex is not just penetration!
22. Don’t ask someone if they would like to have sex! Be creative and lure them into the bedroom.
23. Shave! That goes for both sexes; do a little landscaping.
24. Sexting is great foreplay!
25. Complement your partner & make them feel good about themselves which gives them confidence that you find them attractive. Body image is very important, especially for women.
26. Don’t wear flannel pajamas, curlers or eye shades to bed or around the house for the matter.
27. Shave her legs or paint her toenails once in awhile ~ wax his unibrow or give him a foot massage.
28. Wash his/her hair or other pampering things Mom used to do.
29. Dress sexy for them, even at home.
30. Dental hygiene; floss, whiten and keep your breath fresh! Yellow teeth are a huge turn off and get worse with age, be preventative before it happens.
31. Get rid of granny panties & tighty whities!
32. Tell each other what you like & want in bed. Guide each other with your hands. Don’t just lie there like a starfish.
33. Men love women who actually enjoy giving oral sex and don’t just do it on their Birthday because it is expected. The same goes with oral sex for women. It makes us more comfortable & relaxed when our man enjoys it. (Don’t forget to eat a little pineapple!)
34. Think ahead romantically for special occasions.
35. Sexual confidence is a turn on for both sexes!
36. Take your time during sex; don’t be in a rush for the finish line or happy ending!
37. Find their erogenous zones and work them, especially if you want them to get in the mood before your bedroom liaison.
38. Don’t assume that one orgasm is all they are good for. (That goes for men too, ladies.)
39. Have sex outside the bedroom.
40. Make-out on the couch, elevator or in the car like a teenager if you have been together for a while.
41. Tell them often that you love them & want them. Don’t assume they know.
42. Be respectful of each other’s time. Late for a date probably means you won’t get laid that night!
43. Valentine’s Day is a reminder of “romance for dummies” so make other days special for no reason other than you care about them.
44. Don’t be afraid to be a mush-ball occasionally. Let down your conservative guard and really show your soft emotional side. It makes the other person feel special when you show a little vulnerability.
45. Have a naughty “pet name” for them in the privacy of your bedroom.
46. Read or watch something sexy together to spice things up if you feel like your sex life is becoming repetitive.
47. Take turns planning weekly date nights. Be creative! It also keeps you focused on your partner during the time you are prepping for the big night.
48. Never be too busy for your partner! Take their calls, text them throughout the day, make their favorite meal, bring home little gifts once in awhile and always remember dates on the calendar that are important to them.
49. Kiss them deeply every day, hug them constantly and always get up to greet each other when they come home. Constantly connecting with your partner through “touch” will always keep you close as a couple.
50. Take sexy vacations or mini holidays to refresh your sexual desires for one another. Getting away from the daily routine at home puts you into a different space where you can relax. Make sure there is a double bathtub or hot tub in the hotel where you can share a glass of wine & candlelight together.
Love is like a full time job and the relationships that last for many years are the ones that were nurtured and prioritized above all other life expectations.
The grass is seldom greener on the other side so don’t walk away from a salvageable situation because you didn’t make every effort possible to be a loving partner. Never forget how to love them or why you fell for them in the beginning. Cherish every moment together and never become complacent.
It really only takes a few minutes a day to remind your partner why you love them…<3
Why do people date before they are emotionally ready?
Why do we repeat patterns that don’t work rather than working through them so that we choose better relationship scenarios?
The reason there are many unhappy single men and women is due to their own denial about what is really going on inside their heart. There is a hurt that needs to be healed and nurtured before they can truly love someone and be loved.
It is very important not to bury your past heartache but to bring it to the forefront and honestly look at both sides of what transpired. You chose this person to be in your life and you need to understand why you did. What lessons were you suppose to learn? What did you take away from your experience?
Remembering the great things about your past relationship is a positive approach but you have to also be realistic about what wasn’t so great too. If it were a good fit, you would still be together now. They may have been a stepping stone to get you to a much better place down the road.
I always seem to meet lying and manipulative girls who treat me like shit even though I’m a great guy.
Why is that?
I recently gave the same girl 3 different chances to stop treating me like crap, yet she was soon back to her old ways. This has happened numerous times with other women I have dated. I don’t understand girls, why are they all like this?
Thanks for your feedback!
MN
Dear MN,
Not all women are like this, just the ones you are dating at the moment. I would be curious to see what these girls look like. You may be prioritizing the physical attraction & ignoring the red flags of their true character on the first few dates. When we are sexually drawn to someone we tend to let a lot of things slide in the beginning & overlook obvious warning signs.
Giving someone 3 chances “to be a good person” is too many. They should be wonderful right from the start & treat you well or you need to walk away.
You are sending off some signal for these type of women to notice you & you may want to analyze that to some degree. I’m not sure how old you are but we do tend to deal with this scenario a lot more in our early twenties than any other time in our life. This is the experimental stage of life & there can be lots of emotional scaring while we are learning about ourselves and what we truly want in our lives.
Attracting & choosing this type of woman can also stem from an abandonment issue, an unloving childhood situation or bad role models. (Or in many cases, no role models and little guidance in your youth.)
Talk to someone non-judgmental that you can really trust & confide in and maybe they can help you see a pattern that you have created. It is difficult to see these traits in ourselves but the sooner we know why we are repeatedly dating the wrong people is the day we can find real love and a happy relationship.
Having boundaries, believing you are worthy of love and always respecting yourself first, will eventually stop these girls from coming towards you.
Are you a Yes girl when you are dating someone new? Are you overly accommodating and super agreeable with everything? Do you jump at the chance to see them again and are available even at the last minute?
Compromising in any relationship is a good thing but never lose yourself in the process.
The man you are dating wants you to be yourself and is not looking for a doormat partnership. He wants to have discussions with a woman who is smart and has an opinion about things in life. He also wants her to have her own passions and hobbies that make her happy.
It doesn’t mean you are opposites when you have a few separate interests as long as you do things enjoyable together as well. If someone wants you to be there 24/7 and ends up controlling your every move, you want to run away as soon as possible. Many guys run away from women who are too needy and available as well. It becomes boring, routine and predictable!
Who wants that long term?
Keeping a little mystery alive in your partnership and holding onto your self-respect, will keep a man interested and coming back for more because he can breath freely without feeling suffocated.
Help! My Partner Wants me to Relocate for his Career…
This situation is becoming a bigger problem than ever before due to unemployment on the rise and the difficulty in finding a job that can help advance your career. Many men and women are being recruited to different cities which can cause a lot of chaos in a partnership!
Do you go with them?
Does it benefit you too?
How long have you been in this relationship?
Do you really love each other or has it become a complacent convenience?
Did your partner blindside you with the news and they have known for awhile that this was in the works?
Trust is the biggest link to a healthy partnership and if their is a lack of honesty or an unbalanced view of your commitment level, it may eventually lead to uncompromising scenarios like this one.
9 Things to really think about if you are seriously deciding to support their career move:
How strong is your relationship? Will it honestly survive these major changes should you decide to move to this new location together?
Do they need you to accompany them to have the courage to actually go through with this?
Do you have a great job that you can go to in this new city?
What support system will you have there? You will be alone in a new environment while they are getting their new career off the ground. It could be lonely for you.
Can you compromise on where you will live together in your new home?
Are you communicators and is your relationship reciprocated with supporting each other?
Will they be traveling regularly? (Are you moving for them but will not be seeing them much?)
What about starting a family? Are you still on the same page?
Is there a contract time frame for this new job or is it a permanent situation?
A good way to make this life changing decision is to let them go to their new location first and visit them as regularly as you can. See if you like it and how it fits in with what you want. It’s not all about them and your future depends on what makes you happy too.
Don’t uproot your entire life for someone if your heart isn’t into it or it just doesn’t fit into a lifestyle that is important to you. Leaving everything you love for an unknown circumstance really needs to be thought out carefully and not just because one of you wants it.
There are two lives and two people who matter in this scenario. Theyhave made the decision to move regardless of your relationship commitment and it is now up to you to decide if you want to go with them.
Really think about it in every way that matters to you.❤
OK bear with me while I vent a little here. Grrrrrrr
I am a decent looking guy in my early 30’s that is single but ready to find that special woman to settle down with. I usually meet women online and Tinder seems to be the App that I use most frequently. I know it is not everyone’s choice but I like the simplicity of it. (OK saying that out loud makes me sound a little shallow doesn’t it; sort of like I don’t want to put in too much effort?) I’m actually not a bad guy but like most men we are not into anything complicated, especially in the female department!
So; my questions are:
Why do women text so often and expect an instant reply every time?
Why do they pretend to like certain things that I like in the beginning, but actually have no interest in them after we have established a connection?
Why are they so easy to get into bed but play the high maintenance card in all other areas?
I have spoken with many of my male friends regarding these questions and none of us know the answers, or how to meet a quality “drama free” lady that we can share our lives with. Women seem to be clones of each other today; all acting alike and looking alike too!
What should I do differently to attract someone who is not a fake like all these online ladies I am meeting right now.
Thank you Sybersue!
Ben H.
Dear Ben,
I chose your email to post online due to the amount of other men writing me with similar questions.
It is not an easy time in our new world of technology communication and our human etiquette skills are buried under our keyboards and smart phones. We are losing our way and becoming disconnected in non-existent discussions due to the lack of meeting in face to face scenarios.
Our expectations are over the top and our patience levels are minimal. We want it NOW and if a few things aren’t perfect we move on to the next swipe on our phone or a new profile photo on various dating sites.
I will answer your questions in order that you asked them:
Answer to #1 Question: Why do women text so often and expect a reply instantly every time?
Women like to know you are thinking about them…a lot!
She is trying to be playful with the texts and is looking for a response from you that shows you really like her.
Some women are more aggressive than others but it’s up to you from that first date to let her know truthfully whether you are interested or not. Don’t pretend if you’re not; move on! Be upfront but gentle but don’t just stop texting or ghost her.
Don’t leave her with questions. If you enjoyed the date, tell her that you would like to see her again and phone her with a plan for a few days down the road.
Tell her you are too busy at work to text back & forth all day and you will contact her when you have time later in the day.
Watch for red flags on the first date. Is she needy, does she tell you every little thing about herself and what she wants in her 5 year plan?
Be careful what signs you give her early on. If she thinks you are really interested in her it will give her the green light to pursue it further with you. Tell her you prefer to take things slow and you are not into a fast courtship. If she continues to be pushy after all of the above, it is time for you to end things.
If you are really not that interested do not have sex with her. Some women become very attached emotionally after being intimate with a man.
Answer to #2 Question: Why do they pretend to like certain things that I like in the beginning but actually have no interest in them after we have established a connection?
I think both sexes are a little guilty of doing this. We want to impress each other so much in the beginning that we get a little over excited and exaggerate about our hobbies, passions and activities. Some women say they like something to keep you interested so that you will call them again.
She could be truthfully interested in something you like doing but may not be very good at it; so she makes excuses why she can’t do it at that particular time you ask her.
She could just be fake and saying anything what you want to hear to get your attention.
If it is something that is really important to you and your future relationship, you will need to push the interest level and call her bluff on it. Waiting a year down the road and then realizing you are opposites in many ways, will end up causing big problems or the end of you as a couple!
Listen closely to what she says and always be aware of the truth and her sincerity by paying attention to your instincts. Your gut is seldom wrong!
Answer to #3 Question: Why are women so easy to get into bed but play the high maintenance card in all other areas?
This one baffles me a lot too but there are two main reasons that women sleep with men so quickly. The first one is because they think men will run away if they don’t have sex on the first night and the second reason is they think it gives them more power with you. Once they have shown you their “worldly goods” you owe them something in return.
Some women use this sex weakness (sorry guys, it had to be said) to get financial rewards. Once they establish a certain system with you & your wallet, it becomes an expectation.
Don’t pay for everything and she will not be allowed to be high maintenance. If you want to find out if she is with you because she actually “likes you for you,” then don’t be so willing to give her everything on a silver platter before you even know her. Some guys like to show off a little in the beginning but it sets the wrong precedence and changes the dynamics in the early stages of what could have been a partnership.
Make sure you are not choosing the same type of women all the time and getting yourself into a pattern. We often don’t see this within ourselves and it is the reason we continually get frustrated when our dating life continues to disappoint us. If you are always attracted to the perfect “10” female with looks being the top priority, you will end up back in the high maintenance category over and over again.
Revise your checklist! Even if you don’t have one down on paper, just thinking about ALL the things you want in a woman could be jeopardizing your happiness. You could actually be the one that is high maintenance.
Don’t ever give up on Love.❤ Be honest with yourself and what you are really looking for in a partner. You are in charge of who you attract towards you so you may have to change up your thought process to bring that special woman towards you.
It does take two to make a relationship work so try to remember that you are the one responsible with who you are meeting and allowing into your life. If it’s not working then you have nothing to lose by changing it up.
Most women are wonderful and really do want a loving man to share their world with. If you want a nice girl who is compatible with you and fun to be around, put it out there and visualize her! Knowing what you want is half the dating battle because most people talk about what they don’t want in a relationship but seldom talk about the positive things that they do want.
Let me know what transpires in the next few months. I will look forward to hearing how things are going for you romantically.
Thanks for your feedback!
MN