7 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Last After The First 3 Months Of Dating (Kristine Fellizar)

7 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Last After The First 3 Months Of Dating (Kristine Fellizar)

This is a great article written by Kristine Fellizar from Bustle.com that I also helped contribute to. Collaborative posts make an interesting read as it allows other experts to come together with different opinions and gives the reader a much broader perspective of the topic at hand.

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It’s so easy to get swept up in the rush of lovey-dovey feelings you get from dating someone new. But according to experts, it’s pretty important to stay grounded during the first three months of dating. Because as amazing as those new love feels are, those first 90 days can determine whether or not your new relationship is the real thing or has an expiration date.

“The three month-mark in a relationship is usually when you either take the relationship to the next level and become more serious, or you decide that love isn’t going to grow and you break ties,” dating coach, Anna Morgenstern, tells Bustle.

Although every relationship differs, three months is considered to be the average length of the first stage of a relationship. According to psychotherapist and relationship coach, Toni Coleman, LCSW, you should be ideally making that transition from “casually dating” to “exclusive” around that time. But again, this varies depending on how much time you actually spend together and how much distance is between you two.

According to Coleman, many believe that “losing interest” is the reason behind why some couples can’t seem to make it past three months. But that’s not entirely the case. “It’s not so much losing interest in one another as it is making a decision that this relationship is not one they want to invest more in and deepen,” she says. “They simply don’t feel that the friendship, connection, attraction and interest are strong enough.”

So will your new relationship make it past those crucial first 90 days? According to experts, if your partner hasn’t done these things in that timeframe, it may not.

1. Be Consistent With Their Communication

Ashley Batz/Bustle

At the beginning of a relationship, texting, calling, and messaging typically happen very often. There’s a lot of back and forth flirtation, and you pretty much expect it. But if your partner is no longer predictable or consistent with their communication, licensed psychologist Dr. Danielle Forshee tells Bustle, that’s not a great sign. “In a new relationship, both partners should be mutually invested in spending time getting to know the other person,” she says. “This should be equally reciprocated on both ends.”

2. Be Their Genuine Self Around You

Ashley Batz/Bustle

“The first few months are often all persona, all pretense,” Caleb Backe, Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics, tells Bustle. “This is not a bad thing, per se, it is simply the nature of the beast.” During those first few months, you want to present yourself in the best possible light. The more time you spend together and become more comfortable with each other, the easier it is to shed the persona and be your true self. But if your partner can’t be their genuine self around you by three months, Backe says they may have deeper emotional issues that may need to be worked on. “Use your heart, your head, your gut, but be realistic about your expectations,” he says. “Don’t be afraid to bring certain topics up. Now that three months have passed, it is starting to get real.”

3. Invite You To Hang Out With Their Friends

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

If your partner starts making more plans with friends and isn’t making the effort to include you, Morgenstern says, that’s an early sign your relationship may not last. When this happens, the tendency is to cling onto the relationship for fear of losing it. You may text them more or request to spend more time together. But as she says, “that is the absolutely worst thing to do.” Instead, let them be. Maybe they need space to figure out their feelings in order to move forward. “Plan a trip with friends for the weekend and have an amazing time reconnecting with your inner circle. Coming from a place of self love and inner confidence will save your relationship,” Morgenstern says. “And if your partner does break it off, you’ll be setting yourself up to walk away from the relationship as a whole person, not a broken shell of yourself.”

4. Find Small Ways To Keep Moving The Relationship Forward

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

You shouldn’t be initiating everything as your relationship goes on. So if your partner’s interest in the relationship isn’t strong enough to take it to the next level, they will take less of an initiative, be less affectionate, and show less physical closeness, Backe says. In short, there’s going to be distance and you’re going to feel it. “Some would say that this may be stemming from a fear of reaching that 100 days mark, so you need to take some serious personal and couple inventory (though you may not want to call it that), and see what it is that you have here,” he says.

5. Be A Shoulder To Lean On

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

If your partner can’t listen to you and be your shoulder to lean on in those first three months, Daniels says your relationship may not make it long-term. You shouldn’t necessarily dump all your deepest and darkest fears to them right away. But if you’re going through something at work or with your family, they should be there to talk and listen to you. “This kind of thing is what takes your relationship to the next level,” she says. “It establishes a level of trust and strength for both of you to feel comfort when seeking comfort.” If your partner can’t be that for you, that’s not a great sign.

6. Make Solid Future Plans With You

Ashley Batz/Bustle

It’s one thing to say that you should go away together for the weekend, and it’s another to actually book everything and hash out the logistics. If your relationship is one that is destined to get stronger, Coleman says you will make solid plans for the future together. For instance, you may not meet their family within those first three months, but you can make plans for it. But if your partner can’t even commit to making dinner plans for next week, that’s not the best sign.

7. Make Your Relationship A Priority

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

“There is much more that goes into maintaining a long term partnership; it’s not just all about lust and pheromones,” Susan McCord, dating coach and talk show host, tells Bustle. “Relationships take work and need to be nurtured.” As you go further along in your relationship, your partner should be putting a good amount of effort into the relationship. The “busy” excuse won’t cut it. If someone wants to be with you, they’ll make time. You will be a priority.

It’s tough to realize that the person you’re dating isn’t putting in enough effort to be in a committed relationship with you. But as Coleman says, “You can’t keep someone interested if they’re not.” Besides, why waste your time and effort trying to make a relationship happen if it’s not meant to?

On the other hand, it’s so easy to get hung up on timelines, especially when you first start dating. There’s no shame in wanting commitment and exclusivity once you’re realized your feelings. But just remember, every relationship is different. For some, life circumstances will only allow them to have two or three dates over the course of three months. For others, getting engaged after three months just feels right. If your relationship is making you feel anxious because you haven’t done this, this, and that, by your third month together, don’t panic just yet. If you and your partner can openly communicate about where things are at and where it’s going, you’re on the right track.

Original post at Bustle by Kristine Fellizar

 

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show

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How Do I Stop Hating My Ex Who is Also The Father of My Children?

How Do I Stop Hating My Ex Who is Also The Father of My Children?

In today’s weekly video upload I discuss a subject that affects many men and women on a daily basis! “How Do I Stop Hating My Ex Who is Also The Father of My Children?”

It is difficult enough just ending a marriage or long term partnership but add kids into the mix and it can feel like you never even left your Ex!  You have to keep dealing with them and being reminded of what didn’t work out between you as a couple!

How do you move on without anger so that you can enjoy the next part of your life and also keep your children happy?

Children are like sponges and are affected by their parents and siblings actions at an early age. It is so important in the formative years to have a safe and drama-free environment to grow up in.

I still have flashbacks to my early childhood that pop in and out of my consciousness. The smallest things trigger these memories; some good and some not so good.  As a parent you are the guide to your child’s happiness, so you need to put your own anger and resentment out of their reach.

As much as you might hate your ex right now, they were a big part in why you have your children and if you hadn’t met them… well, you know the answer that! You allowed your Ex to be a part of your life and you loved them at one point.

I made my own mistakes as a young single mom and it took everything in me to cope with parenting an active toddler, working full time, wage cutbacks and dealing with divorce proceedings. No one said it was easy but the unconditional love I had for my son kept me believing, “it gets better” and “it’s worth it!”

People change and things don’t always work out the way we hope they will. That is a part of life that helps us continually grow into a better and stronger version of ourselves. It is how fast we learn that and how appreciative we are of those lessons, that will lead us to our highest good.

Our children deserve to see us at our very best.

Have you dealt with this scenario?  How did you handle it? Please leave your comments below so that you can help others!

Sybersue ❤

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube –  Dear Sybersue Facebook

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How Long Will You Wait if a First Date is Running Late?

How Long Will You Wait if a First Date is Running Late?

I love  collaborating with other people and was very happy to contribute to this article on Bustle by Natalia Lusinki: 

23 Daters On How Long They’ll Wait If Their First Date Is Running Late

 

Dating can be anxiety-inducing: what to wear, where to go, will the Bumble date look like their picture, and so on. But what about when a date is late? Should you wait? And how long? When do you bail? After all, sometimes things come up that you can’t control. I used to live in L.A., and it can easily take an hour driving from Hollywood to Venice Beach, and at any time of day — there will be unexpected road construction or street closures or traffic due to a local concert…

“For a first date, if someone does not call or text by the 15-minute mark — and they should let you know prior — I wouldn’t continue to wait,” Stef Safran, matchmaking and dating expert, tells Bustle.

Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert, advises to give them a bit more time. “You should always respect the person you get involved with, and vice-versa,” she tells Bustle. “One clue that the person won’t give you respect is by not valuing your time and showing up late.” She says she tells her clients to remember the line from the book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower: “We accept the love we deserve.” “I advise them to give it one hour with an apology text or phone call and 30 minutes without one,” Winston says. However, some experts think it depends on other factors, too.

Susan McCord, a dating/relationship coach, advice columnist, and talk show host who runs Sybersue.com, thinks that it also depends on whether the person who is late has contacted you or not. “With all the ghosting going on with dating today, [people] aren’t sure what the proper etiquette is anymore,” she tells Bustle. “If your date has called or texted, profusely apologizing that they will be a few minutes late, that is acceptable. If they do not contact you and it has been over 20 minutes, I would suggest that you leave — your time is important, but they don’t seem to respect that.”

She adds that paying attention to these types of early red flags is very important. “The more bad behavior you allow from people in your life, the more you will keep attracting these types towards you,” McCord says. “When you respect yourself, you value yourself and won’t waste time with the wrong people. When someone is really interested, they can’t wait to see you and will NOT leave you hanging on a date.”

Of course, how long to wait for a late date varies from person-to-person and may involve several factors. Below, 23 daters share how long they’ll stick around.

Please click here to continue reading this post on Bustle 

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show 

 

Are You On the Same Page in Your New Relationship?

Are You On the Same Page in Your New Relationship?

In today’s video I discuss being in a new relationship and how important it is to find out if you and your partner are on the same page!

Unfortunately many new relationships end between the 3-6 month mark because people are not paying close attention to what is really important to them! Don’t turn the other way and pretend it is OK if your priorities are not being met.

You should have a “small” checklist of what is most important to you when choosing a life partner. Don’t ignore those critical “deal breakers” as you should always have some healthy boundaries.

When we first meet someone and the sexual chemistry is incredibly powerful, we tend to overlook those early read flags. It is difficult to think of anything else when we are so intimately enthralled with them! It’s like an addiction and we can’t see anything else in front of us!

It is very important to stay focused on the whole picture when making a commitment with someone. Yes, dating has become very difficult in today’s world, so now we jump in even faster when someone finally turns our pheromones on!

As many of us have found out with our past dating history, this isn’t always a good thing. It can blind us from seeing other things that need to be clarified in this new partnership, so it can continue to grow into a strong long term connection.

You need to be aware and smart about who you allow into your life so you don’t keep repeating patterns that don’t work out for you. 

If the relationship is progressing at a natural pace between the two of you then there may not be any questions. Regardless of how you are moving along as a couple, I always suggest that you have a talk with them within the first 6 weeks to ensure that you have mutual goals for your future.

This is the time to really listen and hear what they are saying. Don’t go into this new partnership thinking you can change their minds or viewpoint by giving it time! 

Please watch the video above and leave your comments below this post. What worked or didn’t work for you in this situation?

Thank you for stopping by! ❤

Dear Sybersue xox

Sue McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show
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My Ex and I Are Living Together For the Sake of the Kids. How do we make this work?

My Ex and I Are Living Together For the Sake of the Kids. How do we make this work?

Dear Sybersue is an Informative and very REAL dating relationship coach and advice columnist for men & women!

In today’s blog post and video I answer Sherry’s question:

Dear Sybersue

My Ex and I are living together for the sake of the kids. How do we make this work? We don’t have the money to live separately right now as I am not working. Our kids are still little and my Ex and I decided before we had children that I would stay home with them.

How can I live with him and not go crazy at the same time? We having been cohabitating this way for a year now!

How do I have a fulfilling life while I am still with him?

I am so ready to move on from our marriage but this living together scenario is cramping any chance I have of doing that! The kids don’t know a lot about what’s going on and we just go through the day trying not to argue with each other.  We just don’t get along and seeing him every day just makes me resent him even more.

How do I deal with this and keep myself in a positive space?

Sherry

Dear Sherry,

This “type of living arrangement” is way more common than you might think. With rent and housing increases creeping uncontrollably into our financial resources, it is causing a big problem with many people today!

Singles are now forced to take on a roommate or a home stay student just so they can eat and clothe themselves. Throw a few kids into the mix and it is borderline poverty for many single parents.

The priority for you right now Sherry is to get back out in the work field so you are not reliant on your Ex.

Maybe try something part time while you figure out daycare and adjust to working again. I am not sure what expertise you have but maybe you could start a home business of some sort so you could still be with the kids most of the time.

Talk to some other single moms who may be in the same boat and maybe you can collaborate on some business ideas or at least take turns with babysitting to cut daycare costs down. It would also do you good to get out and be around some adults once in awhile so you are not only dealing with your ex and the children.

You need some outside stimulation to keep your hope and motivation alive. The kids will pick up on your growing resentment towards your ex husband which isn’t healthy for them. You can only fake things for so long!

Have a mature talk with your Ex and figure out a future plan that works for both of you. One of you has to move out!

Take turns having nights out away from each other and the children. Do not fight in front of the kids or talk negatively about each other either. They love both of you even if you have called it quits on loving each other as a couple.

Give yourself a “time line” so it forces you to keep focused on improving your new life ahead and starting over with a fresh attitude. When you can actually visualize the rainbow, the pot of gold will follow.

Don’t give up on your personal happiness and keep taking small steps to change up your scenario. It won’t happen overnight but having weekly goals will definitely bring you closer to moving on to a better place.

Wishing you well and please keep me posted on what you decide to do. ❤

Dear Sybersue ❤

I Love to hear from you! Has this happened to you and how did you deal with this scenario? Please watch the video above and leave your comments below!

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTubeDear Sybersue Facebook

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She Blew off our First Date Last Minute! Do I Give Her Another Chance?

She Blew off our First Date Last Minute! Do I Give Her Another Chance?

In today’s video above I discuss Mark’s question about a girl he met online who blew off their first date last minute without even giving him a reason! He wants to know if he should give her another chance and set up another date.

Why is dating in the millennium so difficult and why is there so little respect for other people’s time? 

The biggest problem with meeting someone online is you are not the only person they are communicating with. This leads to fickle behavior due to the other options available! You may be texting them regularly and then all of a sudden things come to a sudden halt between you both for no damn reason that you can see!

This becomes very difficult to deal with and takes a big toll on your self esteem!

Some men and women become addicted to “but what if there is someone better out there,” and keep their dating profile as active as a pin ball machine for fear of missing out on an even better conquest that just might meet there extreme checklist.

The trouble with all of this is that people are lonelier than ever today because there are so many games being played; which sabotages anyone finding a real relationship!

Mark isn’t the only one confused on what to do when someone ghosts you on a date but if you always respect yourself first and pay attention to the early red flags in any dating situation, then you will bring yourself closer to eventually meeting the right person.

The more crap you allow in your life the more crap that seems to happen right?

When you stop giving the wrong people numerous chances to keep proving how wrong they are for you, then you have learned a valuable life lesson!

Don’t pine over someone who ghosted you. You really didn’t know them anyway. Thank “The Universe” that it saved you from having to deal with all the drama that would have certainly unfolded with this person.

You dodged a lot more than a little rejection from someone who obviously is void of human etiquette.

I definitely give my opinion on this question but what would you do? Please watch the video above and leave your comments below!

Dear Sybersue

Susan McCord @  The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show YouTube
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