Having a Hard Time Getting Over Your Ex? Try This!

Having a Hard Time Getting Over Your Ex? Try This!

In today’s weekly video upload I discuss the topic: Having a Hard time getting over your ex? Try this!

It is never easy dealing with any breakup or divorce and it can leave you feeling depressed and sad for a very long time.

When a partnership ends it is seldom a reciprocated decision; which is why our hearts all heal at different times. One person has moved on while the other is hanging on to any line life they can, to preserve the connection. This can often result in a clingy desperation to fix things that are already over.

Dealing with rejection is such a difficult part of life that takes a huge toll on our self worth.

There is no escaping that crushed feeling of; “Why don’t they love me anymore? “What happened and what did I do wrong?” We often forget that things change in life, circumstances change and we change over the years. We continue to evolve, which ultimately changes our mindset.

We all want different things at certain times in our life which begins as a toddler and continues until we take our last breath. When you think about it, it is pretty miraculous that we can sustain any relationship for long periods of time!

Partnerships take one Hell of a lot of  perseverance to keep nurtured; as we all find out too late when our relationships eventually come to an end!

You may not see why your relationship fizzled right now, but once you accept that it is truly over you can learn from those lessons and find happiness again with someone else. Always own your part in the demise of any roadblock that life gives you. There is a reason that you are meant to change course.

Maybe it is something you needed to learn or change about yourself! Take time to look within and really be honest about what transpired in your partnership.

The best rules to follow in your future relationship is to always make your partner a priority, love them unconditionally, listen to them and communicate emotionally/physically which will help you to grow in the same direction as a couple.

Don’t ever take your partner for granted or become complacent; it is always a work in process and needs continual loving care and attention. That is the key to longevity in a relationship.

Please watch the video above and use these tips to help you get over your Ex! I would love to hear your thoughts on this on the topic! What worked for you?

Anything you want me to talk about on the show? Let me know! ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Show YouTube   Dear Sybersue Facebook –dear_sybersue__caricature01-2

Great Tips for Single Parents -The Do’s and Don’ts

Great Tips for Single Parents -The Do’s and Don’ts

I recently decided to add another playlist to my YouTube channel for single parents. I seldom discuss my dealings regarding my own single mom days as I tried to leave my personal issues out of many of my videos for the most part.

I have since changed up that thinking as I believe that life experiences should be shared, so that others can also learn from them.  I have received numerous questions on my advice column and my YouTube channel from single parents who feel alone and need non-judgmental advice and compassion with what they are having to dealing with.

Being a single parent is difficult especially when you may not have the support of your Ex. 

My story began when my son was 18 months old and my marriage started a slow downhill crumble. There were career problems with my husband at the time and it became a self-esteem issue that started tearing away at him; which changed things between us as a young couple.

We probably weren’t mature enough to deal with it all and it finally took it’s toll on our partnership. I take responsibility for my part in it, as it takes two people to make a relationship work.

I certainly didn’t see myself raising a child alone in my 20’s who was still in diapers at the time! How did I get here???? Most of my friends were enjoying their young single party life and I was on a completely different journey!

It was an interesting & difficult place to be but I learned so much during those years! My son was actually the first person who taught me what unconditional love is. I wasn’t shown that in my family upbringing and was overwhelmed with the love I felt for this little boy.

How did I go so long without it? I guess it’s hard to miss what you never really had right? 

Well you know the old saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and I’m still alive, so I guess I AM stronger! You definitely can’t be weak if you want to be a good single mom! You have someone who depends on you to show them the way and guide them through life’s trials and tribulations.

There are many ways to get through single parenting and still have some personal time for yourself as well. Yes, you will shed many frustrating tears and have doubts about your parenting skills, but this happens even with couples who are raising their children together.

Communicate with your child, apologize to them if you have a bad day or lose your temper once in awhile. You don’t have to completely hide your emotions but don’t make them be the parent either. They need to have fun their childhood and they are not your sounding board or your therapist.

Find a support group you can vent with, to help you through the tougher moments. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help! When you’re happy the kids will be happy too.

Please leave your comments below to help others who are in the same situation!

Dear Sybersue YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/dearsybersue Dear Sybersue Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/dearsybersue Blogs & advice column @ https://www.sybersue.com

Is it OK to Bring Opposite-Sex Friends into Your Relationship?

Is it OK to Bring Opposite-Sex Friends into Your Relationship?

Today in my video and post, I discuss a subject that has a lot of couples talking! Is it OK to bring opposite-sex friends into a committed relationship?

Are you on the same page in your partnership with how you feel about this? I guess a lot of things depend on how much you trust each other and how healthy your relationship is at the time these new friends arrive into the mix.

5 Things to think about when bringing someone new into your relationship:

  1. Is this person an EX? Have you been intimate together? How would you feel if your partner also did this? Would you be OK with it?
  2. Are they a co-worker that has now become a personal friend?
  3. Is your partner included in things you do together or is it kept as a separate friendship?
  4. Is the friendship based on activities such as a sports team or meet up group?
  5. Are you attracted to this friend in any way?

What are the rules?

If you have had an honest conversation with your partner about this new friend and they are OK with it, you must always respect these certain boundaries.

  • There should be a limited amount of time spent with them.
  • Your partner should always be the priority!
  • No last minute surprise get-togethers that don’t include your partner.
  • Don’t ever blow off your partner for them.
  • Do not attend “couple things” together like weddings or go to romantic dining spots.
  • Ask your partner to join you occasionally.
  • Do not constantly talk about your “new friend” and all the fun you are having together.
  • Don’t do things with your friend that you regularly do with your partner.

The bottom line when changing up anything in your relationship is to always put yourself in your partner’s shoes. We often tend to forget that part of the equation, which has become a huge problem in many partnerships today!

It’s not all about self gratification when you are in a committed relationship.

You shouldn’t have to give up things you like doing or stop adding diversity to your life, but you should always be thinking about how your partner fits into to your new plans.

It is called a partnership for a reason. ❤

I absolutely love to hear from you & will always take time to answer you back. Please leave your comments below!

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube Dear Sybersue Facebook

Dear Sybersue Blogs & Advice Column

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7 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Last After The First 3 Months Of Dating (Kristine Fellizar)

7 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Last After The First 3 Months Of Dating (Kristine Fellizar)

This is a great article written by Kristine Fellizar from Bustle.com that I also helped contribute to. Collaborative posts make an interesting read as it allows other experts to come together with different opinions and gives the reader a much broader perspective of the topic at hand.

By 

It’s so easy to get swept up in the rush of lovey-dovey feelings you get from dating someone new. But according to experts, it’s pretty important to stay grounded during the first three months of dating. Because as amazing as those new love feels are, those first 90 days can determine whether or not your new relationship is the real thing or has an expiration date.

“The three month-mark in a relationship is usually when you either take the relationship to the next level and become more serious, or you decide that love isn’t going to grow and you break ties,” dating coach, Anna Morgenstern, tells Bustle.

Although every relationship differs, three months is considered to be the average length of the first stage of a relationship. According to psychotherapist and relationship coach, Toni Coleman, LCSW, you should be ideally making that transition from “casually dating” to “exclusive” around that time. But again, this varies depending on how much time you actually spend together and how much distance is between you two.

According to Coleman, many believe that “losing interest” is the reason behind why some couples can’t seem to make it past three months. But that’s not entirely the case. “It’s not so much losing interest in one another as it is making a decision that this relationship is not one they want to invest more in and deepen,” she says. “They simply don’t feel that the friendship, connection, attraction and interest are strong enough.”

So will your new relationship make it past those crucial first 90 days? According to experts, if your partner hasn’t done these things in that timeframe, it may not.

1. Be Consistent With Their Communication

Ashley Batz/Bustle

At the beginning of a relationship, texting, calling, and messaging typically happen very often. There’s a lot of back and forth flirtation, and you pretty much expect it. But if your partner is no longer predictable or consistent with their communication, licensed psychologist Dr. Danielle Forshee tells Bustle, that’s not a great sign. “In a new relationship, both partners should be mutually invested in spending time getting to know the other person,” she says. “This should be equally reciprocated on both ends.”

2. Be Their Genuine Self Around You

Ashley Batz/Bustle

“The first few months are often all persona, all pretense,” Caleb Backe, Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics, tells Bustle. “This is not a bad thing, per se, it is simply the nature of the beast.” During those first few months, you want to present yourself in the best possible light. The more time you spend together and become more comfortable with each other, the easier it is to shed the persona and be your true self. But if your partner can’t be their genuine self around you by three months, Backe says they may have deeper emotional issues that may need to be worked on. “Use your heart, your head, your gut, but be realistic about your expectations,” he says. “Don’t be afraid to bring certain topics up. Now that three months have passed, it is starting to get real.”

3. Invite You To Hang Out With Their Friends

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

If your partner starts making more plans with friends and isn’t making the effort to include you, Morgenstern says, that’s an early sign your relationship may not last. When this happens, the tendency is to cling onto the relationship for fear of losing it. You may text them more or request to spend more time together. But as she says, “that is the absolutely worst thing to do.” Instead, let them be. Maybe they need space to figure out their feelings in order to move forward. “Plan a trip with friends for the weekend and have an amazing time reconnecting with your inner circle. Coming from a place of self love and inner confidence will save your relationship,” Morgenstern says. “And if your partner does break it off, you’ll be setting yourself up to walk away from the relationship as a whole person, not a broken shell of yourself.”

4. Find Small Ways To Keep Moving The Relationship Forward

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

You shouldn’t be initiating everything as your relationship goes on. So if your partner’s interest in the relationship isn’t strong enough to take it to the next level, they will take less of an initiative, be less affectionate, and show less physical closeness, Backe says. In short, there’s going to be distance and you’re going to feel it. “Some would say that this may be stemming from a fear of reaching that 100 days mark, so you need to take some serious personal and couple inventory (though you may not want to call it that), and see what it is that you have here,” he says.

5. Be A Shoulder To Lean On

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

If your partner can’t listen to you and be your shoulder to lean on in those first three months, Daniels says your relationship may not make it long-term. You shouldn’t necessarily dump all your deepest and darkest fears to them right away. But if you’re going through something at work or with your family, they should be there to talk and listen to you. “This kind of thing is what takes your relationship to the next level,” she says. “It establishes a level of trust and strength for both of you to feel comfort when seeking comfort.” If your partner can’t be that for you, that’s not a great sign.

6. Make Solid Future Plans With You

Ashley Batz/Bustle

It’s one thing to say that you should go away together for the weekend, and it’s another to actually book everything and hash out the logistics. If your relationship is one that is destined to get stronger, Coleman says you will make solid plans for the future together. For instance, you may not meet their family within those first three months, but you can make plans for it. But if your partner can’t even commit to making dinner plans for next week, that’s not the best sign.

7. Make Your Relationship A Priority

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

“There is much more that goes into maintaining a long term partnership; it’s not just all about lust and pheromones,” Susan McCord, dating coach and talk show host, tells Bustle. “Relationships take work and need to be nurtured.” As you go further along in your relationship, your partner should be putting a good amount of effort into the relationship. The “busy” excuse won’t cut it. If someone wants to be with you, they’ll make time. You will be a priority.

It’s tough to realize that the person you’re dating isn’t putting in enough effort to be in a committed relationship with you. But as Coleman says, “You can’t keep someone interested if they’re not.” Besides, why waste your time and effort trying to make a relationship happen if it’s not meant to?

On the other hand, it’s so easy to get hung up on timelines, especially when you first start dating. There’s no shame in wanting commitment and exclusivity once you’re realized your feelings. But just remember, every relationship is different. For some, life circumstances will only allow them to have two or three dates over the course of three months. For others, getting engaged after three months just feels right. If your relationship is making you feel anxious because you haven’t done this, this, and that, by your third month together, don’t panic just yet. If you and your partner can openly communicate about where things are at and where it’s going, you’re on the right track.

Original post at Bustle by Kristine Fellizar

 

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show

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How Do I Stop Hating My Ex Who is Also The Father of My Children?

How Do I Stop Hating My Ex Who is Also The Father of My Children?

In today’s weekly video upload I discuss a subject that affects many men and women on a daily basis! “How Do I Stop Hating My Ex Who is Also The Father of My Children?”

It is difficult enough just ending a marriage or long term partnership but add kids into the mix and it can feel like you never even left your Ex!  You have to keep dealing with them and being reminded of what didn’t work out between you as a couple!

How do you move on without anger so that you can enjoy the next part of your life and also keep your children happy?

Children are like sponges and are affected by their parents and siblings actions at an early age. It is so important in the formative years to have a safe and drama-free environment to grow up in.

I still have flashbacks to my early childhood that pop in and out of my consciousness. The smallest things trigger these memories; some good and some not so good.  As a parent you are the guide to your child’s happiness, so you need to put your own anger and resentment out of their reach.

As much as you might hate your ex right now, they were a big part in why you have your children and if you hadn’t met them… well, you know the answer that! You allowed your Ex to be a part of your life and you loved them at one point.

I made my own mistakes as a young single mom and it took everything in me to cope with parenting an active toddler, working full time, wage cutbacks and dealing with divorce proceedings. No one said it was easy but the unconditional love I had for my son kept me believing, “it gets better” and “it’s worth it!”

People change and things don’t always work out the way we hope they will. That is a part of life that helps us continually grow into a better and stronger version of ourselves. It is how fast we learn that and how appreciative we are of those lessons, that will lead us to our highest good.

Our children deserve to see us at our very best.

Have you dealt with this scenario?  How did you handle it? Please leave your comments below so that you can help others!

Sybersue ❤

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube –  Dear Sybersue Facebook

Dear Sybersue Blogs & Advice Column

How Long Will You Wait if a First Date is Running Late?

How Long Will You Wait if a First Date is Running Late?

I love  collaborating with other people and was very happy to contribute to this article on Bustle by Natalia Lusinki: 

23 Daters On How Long They’ll Wait If Their First Date Is Running Late

 

Dating can be anxiety-inducing: what to wear, where to go, will the Bumble date look like their picture, and so on. But what about when a date is late? Should you wait? And how long? When do you bail? After all, sometimes things come up that you can’t control. I used to live in L.A., and it can easily take an hour driving from Hollywood to Venice Beach, and at any time of day — there will be unexpected road construction or street closures or traffic due to a local concert…

“For a first date, if someone does not call or text by the 15-minute mark — and they should let you know prior — I wouldn’t continue to wait,” Stef Safran, matchmaking and dating expert, tells Bustle.

Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert, advises to give them a bit more time. “You should always respect the person you get involved with, and vice-versa,” she tells Bustle. “One clue that the person won’t give you respect is by not valuing your time and showing up late.” She says she tells her clients to remember the line from the book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower: “We accept the love we deserve.” “I advise them to give it one hour with an apology text or phone call and 30 minutes without one,” Winston says. However, some experts think it depends on other factors, too.

Susan McCord, a dating/relationship coach, advice columnist, and talk show host who runs Sybersue.com, thinks that it also depends on whether the person who is late has contacted you or not. “With all the ghosting going on with dating today, [people] aren’t sure what the proper etiquette is anymore,” she tells Bustle. “If your date has called or texted, profusely apologizing that they will be a few minutes late, that is acceptable. If they do not contact you and it has been over 20 minutes, I would suggest that you leave — your time is important, but they don’t seem to respect that.”

She adds that paying attention to these types of early red flags is very important. “The more bad behavior you allow from people in your life, the more you will keep attracting these types towards you,” McCord says. “When you respect yourself, you value yourself and won’t waste time with the wrong people. When someone is really interested, they can’t wait to see you and will NOT leave you hanging on a date.”

Of course, how long to wait for a late date varies from person-to-person and may involve several factors. Below, 23 daters share how long they’ll stick around.

Please click here to continue reading this post on Bustle 

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show