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Relationship Advice: Can We Truly Love Two People at the Same Time?

Are you in love with two people

Is it truly possible to be “in love” with two people at the same time?

Many people will say that if you truly had powerful feelings of love for one person then you couldn’t possibly share those same feelings with another.

What do you think?

They argue that it means you must not have “truly loved” your partner to be so easily taken away and that there must be some major problems in your relationship to make you tempted to go there.

Do you agree with this?

We are all true romantics at heart & want to believe that when we tie the knot or totally commit with someone, we will always love that person and everything will be great.

It is a huge commitment to give yourself to someone for a lifetime and knowing that it could be taken away at any given moment is the main reason so many people are insecure in relationships.

Can we really love two people or is it just a lustful encounter we are craving?

Aren’t there many different types of love?

By loving our children & our partner, we are sharing our love with others. Is the love we have for our kids very different from “relationship love.” Not always. Would you not die for them? Sacrifice things in your own personal life for them? Give them a kidney? Would you not do that for your partner as well?

The one difference is you have sex, intimacy & romantic feelings for your partner but the biggest difference is; we love our children unconditionally but we have way more expectations from our partners!

We can Learn a Lot about Love From Our Children:

  • How to be selfless & put someone else first.
  • To be compassionate about others.
  • How to be patient.
  • How to lighten up on expectations & conditions.

When you are drawn to someone else while you are already in a relationship, you are attracted to them usually due to something that is missing within your partnership.

This is not always a known detriment to your present relationship but it may be something you didn’t even know about yourself that was important or missing.  All of a sudden you feel alive by what this other person is bringing into your world.

Nothing is easy about this situation especially when you fall in love with them. It doesn’t often work out and many people end up alone when venturing into this type of scenario. (More often than not, the one that leaves their relationship for another person, is the one who ends up getting dumped down the road.)

The trust is never really there when you cheat in your relationship. Quite ironic, isn’t it? It’s all wonderful until you decide to be exclusive with that “new tempting love,”and then you spend all your time wondering if they are going to do the same thing to you with another person.

Are we starting to remove ourselves from long monogamous relationships of the past? Is it the forbidden fruit that makes us wander, or are we just plain bored being with the same person for years?

Being torn between two lovers is happening more today, due to this monotony & social networking availability. Back in the day of our parents, it was expected to only be married once and celebrating a 40 year Anniversary was the norm. (They also married at a much younger age as well.)

Today both men and women have careers and the chances of meeting someone whom you may be attracted to is much more available, which adds to even more temptation outside the marital home. This is all the more reason people who are in a committed partnership should never become complacent.

Taking your partner for granted in any relationship may invite a change that you are not prepared for. When the chemistry is overpowering between two people, it is “not” easy to side step away from those powerful pheromones. It’s like the bakery in your neighborhood that teases you with that freshly baked bread scent; eventually temptation will lure you into the shop.

It is possible to fall for your pool boy & your husband at the same time but it may be for totally different reasons. It could start out as an unbelievable infatuation that goes beyond anything you have had before. It could be purely sexual, or emotional.

Having an emotional chemistry is what many women are missing in their long term relationship. They need that connection before they can have romantic sex with someone & men need a regular sexual connection to keep their relationship alive.

Everyone has similar relationship issues after the initial euphoric passion wears off  but it is how we nurture the foundation as a couple that will keep us from hopping from one relationship to the next.

Sometimes a person comes into our life to help us realize it is time to move on & occasionally it helps us to see what a powerful love we are blessed with at home. Whatever the scenario, be honest with yourself & your partner on what you need in your life, don’t let them be the last to know or hear it from someone else.

Always put yourself in their shoes & how you would feel. Make sure it’s worth it if you decide to take the plunge into these tempting waters.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

 

 

 

Have you Been Cheated on in Many of Your Relationships?
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Have you Been Cheated on in Many of Your Relationships?

Dear Sybersue is an Informative and very REAL dating and relationship advice columnist for men & women of all Ages!

In today’s video I discuss the topic: “Have you been cheated on in many of your relationships?” “Why does it keep happening?” This can be very hurtful and leave you feeling unworthy and very deflated.

Each scenario compounds a deep sadness into your soul.

There is something going on that makes you choose this same type of partnership which needs to addressed. We choose who we allow into our lives and if the pattern is disturbingly repetitive, you need to get some answers!

Your self esteem plays a big part in who you end up with in a relationship. When you’re not comfortable with who you are as a person it can become a big problem with many choices or decisions you make in any part of your life.

Learning how to build your self confidence is a big necessity when it comes to removing damaging patterns that you can’t seem to let go of.

If drama seems to continually follow you in your love-life; it is time to seek some outside coaching or counseling. It is not healthy to live this way because it is all you know and is familiar to you!

This is not a “good” familiar it is an “unhealthy” familiar. Just because you are used to feeling a certain way doesn’t make it the right way.  Love isn’t painful and it certainly doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice who you are to be in a partnership. 

A reciprocated love is the only way a partnership really works in a long term commitment. There is equal respect for each other and you are each other’s priority. You know in your heart whether someone is really there for you so don’t pretend or make excuses for someone just so you can be in a relationship.

Your morals and values are a big part of who you are, don’t put them on the back burner and ignore them. They are your guide to having all things positive in your life. ❤

* Susan loves to hear from her viewers & often answers their relationship and dating questions on her show as a topic choice. Please leave your comments below the video!

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Is Sexual Chemistry Really Important in a Relationship?
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Is Sexual Chemistry Really Important in a Relationship?

Having a reciprocated sexual chemistry is a common priority for many single men and women and if the passion isn’t there right away it will often put and end to pursuing any further courtship with them.

How do you know when you have chemistry with someone and that they feel the same way?

This intense sexual power is not the same for everyone and we all have our unique version of what that means to us individually.  Sometimes the pheromones are so powerful that it actually pulls you towards them like a magnetic force. There is a unmistakable euphoric magic in the air. Other times it is as simple as a gaze across the room that telepathically draws you in.

What are the signs?

  • There is an overwhelming urge to be close and touch them. It is like an electric current that is pulling you into them.
  • Timing isn’t always the best and it can happen with someone who is “out of bounds,” but this undeniable sensual feeling is very hard to ignore!
  • You have an excited nervousness that you are not used to feeling.
  • It can often trigger an arousal in the loin area just being near them!
  • There is an amazing urge to kiss them right there on the spot.
  • You may be willing to sleep with them as quickly as possible despite maybe having strong morals.
  • You are drawn into their eyes & have trouble focusing on what they are saying. It may bring out a shyness you are not used to or it could make you bolder than you have ever been in your life!

These reciprocated powerful feelings are a beautiful gift if you are both fortunate enough to be single but they can also be the catalyst in many relationship breakups! Due to the magnitude of this electrical current, some people tend to step over their boundaries; acting on these sexual impulses first & dealing with the repercussions later.

There are different levels of chemistry.

Sometimes it is slow and drawn out and becomes more powerful over time but more often it is an instant feeling that blindsides your existence. Chemistry is something that you feel an uncontrollable passion about. There is nothing quite as powerful when you can feel someone‘s sexual energy matching yours.  The endorphins are mesmerizing!

So is this a short lived scenario that is doomed from the start? Will it fizzle and die just as fast as the flame was lit? 

This depends on how often you see each other and if the couple are on the same page with how they nurture these intensified pheromones!  Some people enjoy having a sexual relationship without the love; more of a friend’s with benefits rapport. They can become addicted to this “initial” sexual excitement and move on when the intensity dies down.

This can be very confusing or hurtful to those people who want an actual relationship and not just a fling! It is not easy to keep sexual chemistry in a passionate zone for years to come. You can definitely still have a great sex life but it is the lucky ones that can still passionately lust after their partner 25 years later! Keeping love alive is a full time job but well worth the investment!

Does age make a difference in how a person looks at sexual chemistry?

As a person matures, so does their awareness. They may become more selective or intuitive due to some of the mistakes they have made in the past. Now when they feel this powerful spark, they know it! There is no time wasted because it isn’t something that we have everyday.  It isn’t as common as we want to believe.

In your younger years when you are “sexually peaking” everything is experimental. Everyone looks good and feels good for a while until you start to differentiate with new emotions. In high school most crushes are due to an instant chemical attraction. No one is thinking about their future yet so it usually ends up as a lustful encounter before moving onto the next conquest. This can be very difficult for teenage self esteem because of the lack of education when it comes to how to deal with sex, love and relationships.

How do you keep chemistry from fading?

  1. Ask your partner what love and sex means to them in a partnership. Sharing your feelings keeps you close.
  2. Nurture partnership continuously. Don’t become complacent or take things for granted! Always make an effort to keep your partner attracted to you.
  3. Many couples let their sexual chemistry fade by allowing other daily routines to replace passion. Loving each other first should always be your #1 priority. (Yes even over your children!)
  4. Think back to when you first became a couple, everything else in your life took second place. Keeping the chemistry alive will keep your relationship alive!
  5. Date Night is important! Many parents today think it is selfish to get a babysitter and have a night to themselves. This is a big mistake. Is it better for the kids to come from a divorced family because their parents forgot how to love each other?

The key to keeping the chemistry alive over the years is exactly that, “keeping it alive:”

  • Put notes or something sexy in their briefcase or lunch bag.
  • Really listen to each other. Many couples stop hearing what their partner needs or wants in their partnership.
  • When they have to travel without you Facetime them wearing something sultry that you know they like. Treat it like a cyber date night.
  • Leave a sweet note under their pillow or on the counter when you are not with each other.
  • Buy them small gifts that remind you of them for no reason other than you love them.
  • Answer their texts or phone calls right away. Do not leave them hanging waiting for a response.
  • Say something loving to them every day. It goes a long way and leaves no questions how you feel about them.
  • Listen to what they would like to do; whether it is a holiday trip somewhere, a specific restaurant or event and surprise them with making it happen.
  • Compliment their achievements no matter how small.
  • Always have their back.

There are four elements of romantic chemistry: Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual. How great would it be to have all four!

Most love situations will have a few barriers that will need to addressed here and there. You both will have to be creative on a daily basis to keep the chemistry alive. Juggling busy careers, children, medical issues and financial responsibilities can play a large part in destroying even the most overpowering chemistry.

Taking the time to be grateful for what you do have together will help keep perspective in how fortunate you really are as a couple. Life throws us all regular curveballs, but it is how we deal with them that will keep us in a happy place. Feeling secure is very important & communication is the key to keeping the passion alive in any relationship.

Always be there for each other.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/dearsybersue

 

Are You too Needy in Your Relationships?
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Are You too Needy in Your Relationships?

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord (aka Dear Sybersue) discusses a big problem that many people face in relationships today.

When you are dealing with insecurities or drama from your past it can play a big part in who you choose as a partner or it can sabotage potential relationships from happening.

Being needy or clingy isn’t endearing to others as it comes off as manipulative or controlling and wears thin after a while.

Wanting to be with someone is a totally different concept to needing to be with someone.

No one wants to feel suffocated and neither do they want to have to answer to someone 24/7! They want to share their life with you NOT be your life! Pay attention to the type of partner you are choosing, as there may be a pattern that you are not aware of.

You may be attracted to unavailable people or may not feel worthy of having a loving relationship. If you have some deep rooted negative programming that you just can’t seem to change from your past, it might be time to talk to a professional about it.

You deserve to be happy and it is never too late to make changes. ❤

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube 

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Would you Date “You?” Do You Know How You Come Across to Others?
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Would you Date “You?” Do You Know How You Come Across to Others?

In today’s video above Dear Sybersue discusses your dating life and your attitude that goes along with it.

Are you happy with how you come across to others? Do you make a great first impression or are you too rigid, stuck up or way too picky about who you will date?

It might be time to take a good hard look in the mirror if your dating life sucks.

Ask a trusted friend or a family member how you come across to others.

  1. Are you friendly and open to others when you initially meet them or does it take you numerous meetings before you warm up to people?
  2. Are you shy? Many people claim they are shy but actually appear removed or uninterested.
  3. Do you have a happy persona or is your “resting bitch face” what people see first? (There is a reason that term is hanging around!)
  4. Are you more interested in your phone than the people in the room?
  5. When introduced to someone do you give them a smile and direct eye contact? That first hello is the most important part of any interaction with someone you just met.
  6. Do you like who you are and are you proud of your accomplishments?
  7. Do you regularly use sarcasm as a form of humor?
  8. Do you openly talk about your flaws or insecurities right away, as if getting this “over with” will show your honesty and endear them to you? (Isn’t it more of an optimistic approach to show them your best qualities first?)
  9. Is your checklist long and unreasonable? Would you be OK if someone you met had one just as long or would you think they were high maintenance?
  10. Do you cut yourself down in front of others because you don’t feel you have much to offer?
  11. Are you a good communicator and able to express yourself with your words and your body language?
  12. Are you sure you are ready to date and not holding onto to past relationship drama or scars? Some people sabotage their dating scenarios because of this reason and do not even realize it.

It’s never too late to make changes to be a better person but first you have to understand what needs changing. If things are constantly back-firing from what you are truly looking for, there is a reason.

It’s not because “there isn’t anyone out there to date,” it is because of something happening within “you” that is blocking a potential partner from entering your life.

It might be time to hire a dating coach or counselor to see what is really going on. Self esteem plays a big role in how you respond to everything in your life; especially when it comes to love and relationships. Don’t be the last to know.

*Today Sybersue’s shirt is from brunettethelabel clothing line. Check out their online store! ♥

Please leave your comments below!

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
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A Whole Lot of Mojito/Latino & Date Night Fun at Baru Restaurant in Vancouver
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A Whole Lot of Mojito/Latino & Date Night Fun at Baru Restaurant in Vancouver

I am very excited to be writing an article on the Baru Latino restaurant because it is my favorite place to eat and hang out in the Kitsilano hood! It has a downtown atmosphere feel to it without having to cross over the bridge to get there.

What makes this place so special? Pretty much everything! One of the main reasons to visit this highly popular spot, besides the incredible food and the ambience; is the “hands on” owners!

Rene Lafleur is one of the owners (yes, he is related to hockey legend Guy Lafleur – his dad’s second cousin!) and despite his very French name, he does not speak the language. Rene spent 12 years as a drummer with the band “Star Collector” who proudly have 4 full length albums. He is the numbers geek, wine guy and host at Baru.

Co-owner Dave Newis has been a kitsilano fixture for many years working in numerous establishments & known as a bartender extraordinaire! Dave also traveled Canada playing beach volleyball. He is the “attention to detail” Milieu expert at Baru!

Dave’s wife Zeta Newis is the Head Chef at Baru and also co-owner of Baru Rubs & Sauces with Rene’s wife Nina Lafleur! This definitely adds validity to the cliché; “Those who play together stay together!”

Baru Rubs and Sauces may have only been around for 2 years, but these two entrepreneurial women already have their products in 5 whole Food stores and 8 other various stores throughout BC. Who needs the Dragons Den to promote your business when you have these two go-getters!

Baru Latino was an established name & venue when Dave & Rene decided to delve into this business. They loved the space on sight! Tired of working for someone else & spending so much time throwing their own dinner parties, they decided to look for a place to call their own!

Both owners are originally from Alberta, moved to Vancouver in 1991, met here & have been friends for 12 years. Business partners for 8 years, they are quite the characters & each offers something different and unique to the restaurant.

Talk about meeting someone at “the right place at the right time” and what a great team they are!

They make it work so well and the “dinner party theme” is definitely the feel you get when you walk in the door! The atmosphere is fun and romantically contagious.

Chef Zita Newis, sous chef Mathew Wilson, cooks Tristen Jones and Kristy Averves are responsible for the amazing food reputation at Baru. The guava glazed 10 oz pork chop & ceviche are my favorites but everything on the menu is fantastic!

They encourage family style sharing and the restaurant is pleasantly affordable with the most expensive entree; Steak Chimmichurri 7oz Sirloin steak, with chimmichurri sauce, served with jalapeno potato pave and topped with a smoky corn salsa served with seasonal vegetables priced at $31.

The menu is 95% gluten free excluding the bread & chocolate lava cake! It is also nut free with the exception of a few behind the bar! (Dave’s words not mine!)

Steak Chimmichurri
Baru’s Famous Pork Chop
Ceviche

The dining area at Baru seats 44-48 people with an additional 15 bar seats. It is a popular location for many functions/private parties and has been voted as a great date night hangout! It’s not uncommon for online daters to meet up here for their first rendezvous. The beautiful actress Natalie Portman was seen dining in Baru along with many other visiting and local celebrities. They love the cozy non-pretentious atmosphere!

Seasonal White Fish

❤ The incredible lighting and uniquely flavored mojito drinks give it a romantic flare that makes couples feel amorous! There is a happy hour available every day of the week from 5-6:30 which includes $5 red/white sangria, double mojitos for $7, red or white wine $6 for a 6oz glass ($9 for a 9oz glass) and 1516 beers for $4. This is very affordable especially for those “first date” evenings! ❤

Raspberry Mojito

*Mention this article when making your “date night” reservation and Baru will offer you something special to help with those “first date” jitters! ❤

Baru Latino Restaurant participates in Dine Out Vancouver every year and has many repeat customers due to how much they enjoy their first dining experience at Baru! They can’t wait to come back!

There is entertainment available on special evenings so please check out the Baru website for more information or call the restaurant anytime to find out what’s happening. (604) 222-9171

Regardless of whether you are a local Vancouverite or an out of town visiting guest, it is will be an evening you will always remember.  Make your reservations soon and don’t miss out on this incredible Latino experience at 2535 Alma Street on the west side of Vancouver. There is free parking available underground behind the restaurant.

Tell them Dear Sybersue  ❤ sent you!

 

Twitter @ BaruLatino

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Written by Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

 

 

5 Attributes that Men Really Want in Their Partner
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5 Attributes that Men Really Want in Their Partner

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord (aka Dear Sybersue) gets many questions from her male viewers on her advice column and this topic “5 attributes that men want in their partner” is one of the biggest conversations of all.

Women think all men care about is sex but that isn’t true for most guys. They want a loving relationship just like women do.

They are tired of being categorized and want women to know what is really important to them. Dear Sybersue promised to do this video (above) on behalf of the numerous emails she received on the subject.

Many women have lost hope when it comes to finding a partnership and are incredibly frustrated with the whole dating scenario. Men feel the same way and this is now becoming a big negative environment with both sexes.

As Dr. Phil says “How’s that working for you?”

It’s not right? So what are you going to do; complain about what’s not working or change things up so that they do work?

How Do We Do That Ladies & Gentlemen?

  1. We stop repeating patterns that are causing us drama. Stop going for the unavailable hot bad boys or bad girls would be a great start. This situation is usually very short lived and while you may have one or two nights of wild sizzling sex, it can leave you feeling lonelier that before you dated them.
  2. Don’t give out TMI! Stop telling people every little thing about what makes you tick. Take your time divulging private things about yourself.
  3. Leave a little mystery so they want to find out more about you. I certainly don’t condone playing games with them but hold back some things until you know them better. You don’t even know if you like them yet so don’t give away all your fabulous secrets.
  4. Be authentic to who you are. No one likes to find out 3 months later that what they thought they had in common with you, was just a lie to keep them interested.
  5. No one is better than anyone else so if someone comes up to talk to you when you are out for the evening, acknowledge them. You may be shocked at how much you enjoy talking with them.
  6. Be aware of your body language and how you come across. I can’t believe how many men and women portray “resting bitch face” out there. Smile! 🙂
  7. If you have a bad date don’t become disillusioned with the whole process. Get back out there on a different horse.
  8. Stay positive! No one wants to hang out with Dick or Debbie Downer.
  9. Everyone has insecurities but don’t let them define you so that you sabotage a potential partnership.
  10. Be kind to everyone all the time. There is no room for arrogance, self entitlement, being high maintenance or too picky!
  11. Real love doesn’t come easy and is worth the wait. Be a little more patient and embrace all new opportunities that come your way. If it were too easy to find it wouldn’t be special would it?
  12. Lose the 12 page checklist. That person doesn’t exist!
  13. You have your own life so don’t lose sight of that by making someone your whole world. Don’t lose your identity to be with someone else.
  14. Be careful not to become a texting stalker. Too much too soon is a big turnoff.
  15. Learn from you dating mistakes, don’t repeat them, own your part in what didn’t work and always listen to your instincts.

While there are definitely some hurdles with dating in the millennium, they are things that are pretty cool as well. Social media tools can bring us together in a much bigger way if we use them correctly.

Life is not meant to be easy but it is how you handle “those annoying curveballs” that will bring you closer to being centered and present so that you can be the best YOU!

The quicker you move on from those obvious red flags will be when your new journey begins. When you meet that loving person to share your life with there are no deep dark questions. It just fits and flows beautifully. There is no drama and there are no BS games to deal with.

We all want love in our life and there is someone for everyone once we change our attitude and believe we deserve it.

Please leave your comments below and subscribe to The Dear Sybersue YouTube Channel! ❤

Thank you,

Sybersue

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