Is it Time for You to Take a Dating Break?

Is it Time for You to Take a Dating Break?

Dear Sybersue discusses the topic: Is it Time to Take a dating Break?

When Do You Know That It May Be That Time?

  1. If you are starting to get jaded or angry and you are lumping all your dates into one negative category; you need to take a step back. “They’re all the same!”
  2. You feel like nothing ever works out and there seems to be a pattern of cloned people coming your way. You are the one attracting them towards you, which means you are putting something out to the universe that may need altering.
  3. You are starting to feel depressed and lonely.
  4. Your ego is taking over which can make you difficult to be around.
  5. You are sad and feel defeated. “What’s the point in going out when I never meet anyone?”

How Do I Do That? I Don’t Like Being Alone

Sometimes you just have to deprogram your thoughts and recharge your thinking if things aren’t working out the way you want them to. You need to be comfortable being you and learn to enjoy your alone time. Being happy in your own skin is such a wonderful trait which draws people towards your confidence.

They can’t help but notice you!

We spend a lot of time thinking about negative thoughts when we should be thinking about how fortunate we are in many areas of our life. Some men and women who have too much time on their hands need to have a project or hobby that keeps their mind alive with a feeling of purpose.

Do some fun things that keep you from thinking about what isn’t happening in your love life. Busy people have less time to ponder and sweat the small stuff.

It’s OK to take a step back, refresh your attitude and make yourself the top priority for awhile! Take a time out and when you feel ready to go back out into the dating pool again you will feel refreshed and have a new outlook!

Please watch the video above and leave your comments below! What have you done when dating wasn’t working for you?

Susan McCord ❤

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Is Your Upcoming Wedding Putting Strain on your Relationship? (Collaborative Post)

Is Your Upcoming Wedding Putting Strain on your Relationship? (Collaborative Post)

Do you feel as though your wedding is becoming more stressful than ever? Maybe you feel as though you and your partner have drifted since the wedding planning started and now you are worried that your relationship might not make it through. Either way, there are a couple of ways that you can avoid all of the wedding stress.

Planning

Your wedding is probably going to be a once in a lifetime event. It will require a lot of planning and a lot of patience. It is very unrealistic to say that your entire wedding plans will run smoothly from the second that you get engaged. In fact, it is most likely going to be one of the most stressful situations you have ever been in.

One way to try and combat this would be for you to think positive. This will help your whole experience to be much nicer and it will also help you to organize things should they get out of control. By staying positive and by planning the whole thing out in advance, you can then take more time over each stage while also reducing the amount of pressure you are putting on yourself. Things you need to plan include the venue, the flowers, the photographer and more. If you need a good wedding photographer then Vittore Buzzi is a great option.

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Go To Sleep on Time

When planning a wedding, you may feel as though you and your partner have to stay up late talking about it and you may also deprive yourself of any time together because you’re so busy planning for the big day. Either way, it is very important that you go to sleep on time and that you also do everything you can to spend some time with your loved one.

You have to make sure that the time you do spend together is not wedding related, so that you can then wind down and take some of the pressure off. Of course, if you are constantly tired then you will be more likely to argue and even more likely to be more susceptible to stress, so this is a huge factor that you need to consider.

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Expense

Think about it, can you really afford to pay that much for a wedding? Can you afford to have a honeymoon together? If you can’t then you may be overspending and this can put additional strain on you as a couple. For example, if you can’t afford the wedding then after the whole thing is over you will have a lot of mess to deal with and this can lead to even more arguments.

For this reason, you have to make sure that you do everything you can to plan a wedding you can afford because ultimately, the day is about celebrating you as a couple and setting you up for your life together. If you are going to have a constant worry about money for months after your wedding, then you may want to reconsider your plans.

Collaborative Post

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

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15 minute Makeover for a Last Minute Date or Event Invite

15 minute Makeover for a Last Minute Date or Event Invite

Today I do something a little bit different in this video. I have had many women writing to my Dear Sybersue advice column recently about not knowing what to do when a last minute date invitation comes their way. They usually just say no!

“I can’t go, I  can’t get ready that fast!” “I have nothing to wear!” “What about my hair and makeup?” ” I’ll never to be able to pull it off!”

The trouble with this type of thinking is that you miss out on so many things! People who are spontaneous have a much more diverse and fun filled life because they aren’t making high maintenance excuses why they can’t go to a last minute invite.

They are organised and prepared for anything that comes their way!

Why would you want to miss out on something wonderful if you don’t have to? Especially if you are single! It’s not that difficult to look great in less that 15 minutes despite what you may think. You shouldn’t need 2-3 hours to get ready for anything unless you are walking the red carpet at the Golden Globes or Academy Awards!

Ladies watch this video above to learn how to be that fun spontaneous person so that you don’t say no to some amazing opportunities! Always be ready to go!

Please leave your tips and comments below to help out other women who may need some other “get ready quick” ideas.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/dearsybersue

Dear sybersue Facebook    Blogs and Advice column 

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The Over 30’s Guide To Meeting Potential Partners (Collaborative Post)

The Over 30’s Guide To Meeting Potential Partners (Collaborative Post)

Often, it’s not until our 30’s and beyond that many of us really start to hit our stride and get our life together. However, the reduction in wild nights out can often mean it’s pretty difficult to meet new people that have the potential to become a life partner. Luckily, there are some tried and tested methods that can help improve your chances, read in to find out what they are.

Consent to being ‘set up’

Now, a lot of people have a very negative view about being set up on a blind date. They think that the person they will end up meeting will be awful, or even worse that they will see them and back out of date and stand them up.

However, if you pick the right person to set you up with a date, it can actually be an excellent experience. The reason for this is that who knows you better than your best friend or a close family member? No one, that’s who, and as they know you so well, they are actually in a fantastic position to choose someone that you might just get along famously with. So give the blind date thing a go, you never know, you may just be pleasantly surprised with the results.
black-and-white, coffee, couple

Use a dating agency

Another option that can work wonders for the love life of the over 30s is to sign up with a dating agency. The thing with using an agency is that because of the lifestyle that we lead, and the popularity of internet dating, it has all become much more acceptable to do. Yes, at years ago people used to raise an eyebrow when you said you met someone through an agency, but now those mentioning that they have met online are only asked which one they used so their friend can give it a go as well.!

The best sort of introduction agency offers not only carefully selected suggestions for your dates but also additional advice on safety, life coaching and confidence too, so make sure that you pick well. After all, if you are going to be paying for a service, it’s only right that you will pick the one that is offering the most help in getting you the relationship that you want.

Get involved in a community project

Something else that can be a great way to broaden your horizons and meet new people that have the potential to become a partner is to embrace a community project. This could be anything that is currently running in your area, although picking something that you have a passion for such as improving the local environment is often best.

The reason for this is two-fold. Firstly you will be making a difference in a field that is important to you, so if you don’t meet anyone, it is still a worthwhile and enriching activity. Secondly, if you do happen to meet someone suitable while working on the project, you will already have some common ground to start from. Something that can make it a lot easier to strike up a conversation and can give you a chance to get to know them easily, and set up a first date, or even a second if you are lucky!

This is a collaborative post

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show   Dear Sybersue Blogs and Advice Column

Getting over a Breakup but I Really Miss The Sex! Should I Have a FWB Fling?

Getting over a Breakup but I Really Miss The Sex! Should I Have a FWB Fling?

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Dear Sybersue,

I haven’t been in a relationship for over 2 years due to my last breakup and all the drama that I had to deal with.  I took some time away from men to heal and figure out what the Hell happened because I never want to have go through that again.

He wasn’t very loyal towards me which I didn’t find out until the end of our relationship!

I am definitely not ready to be in a committed partnership but I really miss being intimate and having regular sex with someone. I am feeling lonely and was wondering what this friends with benefits scenario is all about?

This might be right up my alley while my heart is mending but I am wondering if I can handle the casualness of it.  I am used to being in an exclusive relationship even though my last boyfriend didn’t seem to honor that!

Can you let me know what the rules and expectations are if I decide to get involved in a “friends with benefits” liaison?

Thank you so much Sybersue!

Curious Katie

Hi Katie,

First of all that is great that you know yourself well and that you are not ready to get into another relationship right now.  You’re not pretending to be healed from your past breakup and you are being honest with yourself. Many people jump back in when they are not ready, which often causes emotional confusion in this next relationship.

“Friends with benefits” is a very popular way to have a flexible and reciprocate sexual connection without all the expectations that a full time partnership requires. It can be a great set-up for some people who just don’t have time to date or who aren’t ready to be in a long term commitment at this stage of their life; like yourself.

FWB is not for everyone though and it’s certainly not a hot bed of roses all the time!

There can be complications with this type of arrangement and for that reason there are rules that need to be adhered to. These should be discussed on the first day that you both decide this is what you want from each other.

First things first; DON’T GO into a FWB situation if:

  • You think that by seeing them casually and having sex with them that you will eventually lure them into a long term commitment. They are telling you they don’t want anything more than occasional sexual encounters; believe them!
  • If you are way more attracted and invested in them than they are with you. You can’t stop thinking about them! You will be setting yourself up for another heartbreak.  FWB scenarios have to be in a reciprocated “sexual friend zone” with limited expectations.
  • Do not venture into this if you decide that maybe you are ready for a committed relationship. Spending time with someone you are only partially involved with, will take away time from meeting someone you could ultimately have a partnership with.
  • You are not right for this type of situation if you get jealous easily or are insecure about friendship sex. (Many women need the intense emotional love connection before they feel comfortable is a sexual partnership.)

What Should The “Friends With Benefits” Rules Include?

  1. You have to have “the talk” immediately, when you decide you are both on board with this type of arrangement. Make sure you both know it is casual with no expectations to have a deeper romantic/love connection.
  2. You also need to talk about how often you will be meeting up. Will it be once a week or once a month?
  3. What are the birth control expectations?
  4. Will you keep it strictly as a bedroom sexual encounter, or will there be an outside date night involved as well?
  5. Will it just be the two of you or will other people be involved? (Yes, you need to ask those questions!)
  6. There needs to be a conversation and a time set up in advance for your next encounter together. (The same way you would organize something with a close friend.) Unless you are OK with a last minute booty call?
  7. Are you are going to be sexually exclusive with them? This should be a reciprocated rule that you are both on the same page with!
  8. You need to respect each other’s time. No last minute bail outs because something or someone else came up. You are not using each other when there is nothing else going on. You generally really like each other and you must treat them as you would want to be treated.
  9. Is it OK to date others at the same time you are in this FWB scenario? Should they tell you if they are dating someone or are you both OK not knowing what each other is doing when they are not with you?

This type of arrangement isn’t a good fit for everyone and I am not sure it will be for you Katie. You said yourself that you’re not sure you can handle the casualness of it all.  You are also still dealing with the insecurities of being cheated on and open relationships such as this type can play on your self esteem.

There is no time limit or pressure to be in a FWB situation so as long as you are honest with your concerns & upfront with him in the beginning, there is no harm in trying it out to see if you can handle this type of arrangement.

If you decide at any time that “friends with benefits” doesn’t fit your lifestyle anymore you need to be courteous and open with your feelings and end things in a respectful manner. Don’t do the ghosting thing and just disappear!

Remember you are friends’ not just lovers.

Sybersue ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show  

Dear Sybersue Facebook

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Relationship Advice How to Deal With Your Partners Moods!

Relationship Advice How to Deal With Your Partners Moods!

In today’s weekly video Dear Sybersue talks about how to deal with your partner’s moods in your relationship.

We all have good days and bad days but it is how we handle those days that will keep our partnership stable and strong. Constant mood swings can be a deal breaker for many men and women.

It is hard enough dealing with all of life’s trials and tribulations, so having a safe place to come home to is very important for a couple in a partnership. When someone is “out of sorts” or feeling unbalanced it causes an unhealthy vibration within the relationship.

Walking on egg shells to appease someone’s emotional state can be very taxing and take a toll on your own self-esteem. We all want our partner’s to be happy, but being around constant turmoil will eventually affect both people in the relationship.

It is important not to “mirror these moods” you are feeling from your partner but to find a way to help dissipate them so they don’t escalate into bigger problems down the road. Listen, validate and respect what your partner has to say but if it is becoming a toxic environment for you to come home to, they may need to seek outside help.

No one wants to be with someone who is constantly moody or emotionally shut down so don’t let things go for too long before you get to the root of the problem.

Always communicate openly with each other.

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Susan McCord @Dear Sybersue YouTube

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Embrace the Differences Men and Women Bring to a Relationship

Embrace the Differences Men and Women Bring to a Relationship

 

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If you want to date more, appreciate the differences men & women bring to the relationship!

What is the first thing that attracts you to someone you don’t know? Isn’t it the physical & chemical appeal that gets your attention? Pheromones play an important role in stirring someone’s interest which is somewhat comparable to dogs sniffing each other in the park. (Don’t we wish it were that easy?)

With all that at our fingertips why are humans so bashful in connecting with others that they are attracted to? Is the fear of rejection so powerful that it erases all confidence?

People use liquid courage in the bars or at events to finally interact with this magnetic power that has captivated their concentration. “Alcohol is just a layer of backbone that dares us to have faith in oneself.”

Men & women are so quick to judge others & themselves that dating has become less frequent due to unreasonable assumptions about each other. People need to appreciate each gender for what they bring into a relationship & need a reminder of that. Why make life difficult? Don’t we all want love in our lives at the end of the day?

What Women Appreciate in a Man:

  • The biological differences! (Physically and sexually speaking.)
  • Confident strength!
  • Women appreciate men who take care of themselves and their bodies without being fanatical about it. A naturally muscular athletic guy will make even the most prudish women take notice.
  • Many women today still love a gentleman despite feminism & the need for equality. (Unfortunately this has confused many men with their role today and they are not always sure what to do.)
  • Women love it when a man honors & respects their opinion.
  • His masculinity & protective qualities ~ makes her feel safe.
  • His friendship loyalty with his mates.
  • His ability to apologize when wrong, accept his flaws while putting any peacock authority on hold.

What Men Appreciate in a Woman:

  • Sexual & personal confidence.
  • She takes pride in her appearance. (Without taking 3 hours to get there.)
  • Self sufficient but not head strong independent.
  • Enjoys feeling wanted with his masculine abilities.
  • A woman who loves & initiates sex.
  • Her natural scent, her curves & femininity.
  • He likes it when after an argument is resolved it is over and not rehashed continually.
  • She has her own life too.
  • A woman’s maternal & nurturing instincts. He loves watching her be a mother to her children.
  • A woman who has a great body image ~ regardless of size or shape.

Tips for the Ladies to Show Men You Appreciate Them:

  1. Women should appreciate their partner’s sexual appetite because they wouldn’t feel very sexy if their man did not have a yearning for them! Taking the time to enjoy and appreciate this in their man will keep the relationship healthy and alive. Ignoring them sexually is not a good idea if you want to keep them close. (Careers & kids can take a second seat once in awhile!)
  2. Men are visual creatures so make them “see” how much of an effort you make for them. Don’t become the Walmart housewife dressed in sweat pants & over-sized T-shirts. Show your feminine side ladies or you will be complaining that he’s glancing at other women.. It’s not difficult to take 10 minutes out of your day to remind him why he is attracted to you.
  3. Take time to do something with him that really makes him happy even if it is not your favorite thing to do. Believe it or not guys do like to do some things with their wives! Attend the annual boat show, trek up a mountain trail or at the very least go to a “dick flick” with him. Do anything that makes him feel you are making an effort to do something he enjoys doing. (Especially, if you expect him to accompany you to The Nutcracker Ballet every year.)
  4. Ambitious men are an aphrodisiac to most women. That being said, try not to get upset with him when he has to do the odd work assignment over the weekend or asks you to attend a business dinner with him. There is a small price to pay for his success & the luxuries in your home.

Tips for the Men to Show Women You Appreciate Them:

  1. Many women today are also busy with careers and other passions and appreciate it when their guy is proud of her accomplishments without judgment or jealousies. Attaining new achievements keeps the mind youthful & alert which spills over into keeping the relationship fresh! You always have something to share and talk about because your life together has diversity.
  2. Women also appreciate that men don’t always have to be “the man.” Women like to be needed as well. They like to feel important and that once in awhile they can save the day too. Men don’t have to fix everything, but wearing a tool belt and cut-offs will probably get him in the bedroom more often! There is something to say for a man flexing his muscles while using a power drill!
  3. Ladies also like it when men trust their partner’s judgment and appreciate their intellect.
  4. Women also appreciate  when their man stands up for them when someone berates them or ridicules them. For the most part women love men’s direct “shoot from the hip” answers as long as diplomacy is implemented.

Both sexes want to be acknowledged and appreciated  for what they bring to each other’s life. This is the key to happiness that some people feel is lacking in relationships today. It’s not supposed to be a competition!

Things are continually evolving between the sexes so we need to start honoring these transitions and stop fighting them. Change in inevitable! Isn’t life more interesting when there are differences to embrace & learn from?

Trying to understand each other is not the answer; accepting each other is! ❤

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/dearsybersue