Poem: An Unloved Child

Poem: An Unloved Child

pexels-unloved child photo-236215

I have had many men and women write my advice column regarding painful memories from their childhood that still haunt them into their adult life. This can make having a relationship problematic due to ongoing insecurities or not understanding what love truly is.

It is important to talk about it and not ignore the sadness you feel. Talk to someone professional so you don’t sabotage love from finding you. You are worthy and very deserving of having a loving partnership. 

 

An Unloved Child           

An unloved child tries to find their way,

Alone and broken but not allowed to say,

Due to life rules it’s always our choice,

So just get over the demons and quiet your voice!

You put on a smile and keep living your life,

But memories keep cutting your heart with a knife,

The simplest things bring back the pain,

Relentlessly nagging, on each birthday again.

The siblings retreat in their own tortoise shell,

Each hiding their secrets and childhood Hell,

Emotionally wounded, detached and removed,

Pretending to be happy but nothings improved.

The world makes us lie and not tell the truth,

“Get over it, shut up, your being uncouth,”

It’s your fault, your path; no one wants to hear,

Go learn to love the person in the mirror!

How can a parent not show their child love?

Leaving them alone to think nothing else of,

Sadness, anger and often depressed,

Will there ever be internal rest?

Children need guidance, not left alone,

To raise themselves and learn love on their own,

Yes of course, we’re in charge of ourselves in the end,

But owning “their” part might help lost souls to mend.

It’s never too late to recharge your mind,

knowing life lessons aren’t always kind,

there’s a reason you’re here to share with us all,

to educate, protect & to help others to stand tall.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

 

 

 

 

Does Your Partner Keep Threatening to Leave Your Relationship?

Dear Sybersue is an Informative and very REAL Dating and Relationship Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages!

Today Sybersue discusses a relationship problem that affects more couples than you may think! If you end up with a partner who is confrontational and threatens to leave you on a consistent basis, it is time to take action on your end!

You don’t have to live with someone who uses intimidation tactics to get what they want or because they aren’t happy with who they are! You deserve someone who respects you. If you have to walk on eggshells to appease them all the time, how is that a relationship?

A partnership should consist of a reciprocated love and wanting the best for each other. If your partner is constantly throwing out ultimatum threats towards you, then it time to stand up for yourself or get some outside counselling that can help you deal with why you are allowing it.

If they really aren’t happy, let them go. Why should you be their dumping ground for whatever they are not dealing with in their own head?

People who truly love each other do not treat each other this way. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship; do not settle for this type of scenario.

Susan McCord @ http:/www.youtube.com/dearsybersue
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Blogs & Advice Column @ http://www.sybersue.com

 

 

 

 

There is Life, Dating, Sex & Love after a Divorce!

There is Life, Dating, Sex & Love after a Divorce!

In the video above Sybersue discusses life after a Divorce

So many men and women have a hard time getting back out dating after a long term relationship breakup or divorce. Some women never even try after their marriage dissolves. They lose their self esteem and think that no one will want them especially when they are over 40.

Many single parents make everything about the kids. Everything revolves around them. It’s all about their lives, their activities and their needs. What about you? Do you not count? Do you not deserve love in your life?

Could you possibly be using the kids as an excuse so you don’t have to go back out in the singles market and meet someone? You subconsciously think that staying single for the rest of your life is so much easier than putting out any energy into finding another person to share your life with. Right?

Really? How is that working for you?

What happens when the children leave home? Now what are you going to do? The same thing goes for being a workaholic and then your job ends.

Where is the healthy balance in your life?

Love happens at any age and there are no rules that say you only have “one love” in your lifetime! Life can begin in a whole new way after a divorce and often for the better once you get over the initial hurt.

So get back out there and life your life!! No more excuses, you deserve to be happy!

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
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I am Single but all my Friends are in Relationships! (I have no one to go out with.)

I am Single but all my Friends are in Relationships! (I have no one to go out with.)

Dear Sybersue,

I am so happy to have found you on YouTube and your videos answer many of my questions about dating & relationships! Although, I haven’t seen one that can help me with my question.  That is the reason I am here on your advice column/blog asking for advice. (I hope you will film one regarding this issue for other people as well.)

Here is my question:

I am a 38 year old woman who wants to meet someone special to have a committed partnership with but I have no single friends to go out with.

All of my friends are in relationships and I am tired of being the 3rd wheel! It makes me feel like I am a burden to them and that they feel obligated to let me tag along. (Or they feel sorry for me which is even worse!) I appreciate their support but I think it is wearing thin on them. I try not to complain but sometimes I just can’t help it.

How do I get up the courage to go out alone? How can I meet new people?

Part of the problem is I am at the “in between” stage of being too old to for some venues and too young for others! I am at a loss of where I can go out for the evening and not feel insecure because I am by myself.

Every time I try to force myself out the door I become anxious and fearful of how others will look at me. So once again I stay in my condo watching TV every evening.

I have tried online dating and find that it is more work than it is worth for the most part. It lacks the sincerity of meeting someone face to face and I find many people are just talk. It’s very annoying to me when I have to spend so much time chatting with one person that I never even end up meeting!

What is with that anyway? How do people have so much time on their hands to do this cat & mouse dating game?

I am still hoping that I may be able to have children one day but I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I may have to do this on my own eventually. I am OK with that but it would be nice to meet a man who would like to have children. I am also not opposed to him having children from a previous relationship.

Although I hate going out by myself, I am depressed staying home all the time! I am very lonely & frustrated. What should I do?

Thank you! Angela 🙂

Please watch the video above to see what Sybersue suggests! ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
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I am Secretly Seeing My Best Friend’s Ex Husband! What should I do?

I am Secretly Seeing My Best Friend’s Ex Husband! What should I do?

In the video above Dear Sybersue answers a question from a woman on her advice column who is secretly seeing her best friends Ex husband! She wants to know what she should do and how she should handle it!

It’s maybe a bit late to feel guilty about it now don’t you think???

Loyalty makes or breaks a friendship or relationship. When someone feels betrayed it is very difficult to win back their trust! Why should they trust you when you made a choice that was so disrespectful them?

True friends are very difficult to find these days so you better make sure that when you decide to go behind their back or play both sides of the fence, that you are OK to lose them forever.

Yes; I know there are times when the heart just can’t help falling in love with someone who is taboo for us but you can still try damn hard to walk away and not allow it to happen.

The last thing you should do is secretly hide this romance from your best friend who it will obviously deeply hurt. Don’t be a coward.

This happens way too often and makes the heartbreak even harder to get over. It’s now a double edged sword for your best friend who has lost her husband & the friendship she had with you. It will also change her friendships with others who decide to hang out with you & her Ex!

You have to ask yourself if this is really what you want for the long haul. Will you ever feel OK about hurting your best friend and all the drama that will follow you afterward? Is it worth it?

Is the EX husband really serious about you or are you just a rebound scenario that he will tire of when the excitement of the “forbidden fruit” infatuation” wears off? Did you just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time or is this a real love that neither of you can live without?

Whatever the case, there needs to be respect shown towards your friend. She should not be the last to know and it should be discussed sooner than later. Do not let things go on for months without letting her know and keep hanging out with her as if nothing has changed!

There is a small chance that if she is over her ex husband and her heart has moved on, she may be able to deal with this situation. Give her the courtesy of telling her the truth and you just never know. At the very least she won’t feel quite as betrayed if she finds out before it becomes neighborhood or Facebook gossip.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

Pixabay ready for love hand-1044883_1280

I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life.  Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.

Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other!

Not too long ago a friend of mine was publicly reprimanded by a male radio host for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way.

Why do we do this to each other and why are some men and women so damn angry?

People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people!

Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become negatively embedded into your mind.

The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is because both men and women lack ideas or creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date.  It also has a lot to do with self-esteem and fear of rejection as well.

The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario.

Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)

Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available at night clubs.

Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it also gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive hangout for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely and the pattern continues.

Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:

  • If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to what their profile says & notice any red flags with their pictures. Photos really are worth a thousand words on most online dating sites and many people choose to ignore these obvious signs!
  • Don’t get caught up and blinded by a person’s status! These are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type. These people usually frequent the same establishments and word travels fast. Do you really want to be known as a groupie? (You may not even be aware that you have this reputation.)
  • Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. They are usually pretty easy to spot so keep your eyes open and observe. Body language is also a dead giveaway.
  • Don’t allow yourself to be the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
  • People who only date the perfect & beautiful types.  Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.

External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.

Finding true love should not be abusive or emotionally painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.

If you classify yourself as a certain “type” or that you only like a certain type of person, you will be forever stuck in repetitive scenarios.  Fear can be a powerful relationship suppressor, so be cognizant of forming any patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of what may or may not happen.

Challenge those internal demons as to why you don’t feel worthy of having love in your life.

If you don’t have the strength to get out of  reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.)

Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance.  Everyone deserves love!

Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:

  1. Golf driving range or at an Executive Par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there. (Unless of course you are a great player!)
  2. Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
  3. The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
  4. Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
  5. Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
  6. Sporting venue (hockey game, baseball game, soccer match, golf spectator etc.)
  7. Any mingle social event or lounge  (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
  8. Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
  9. Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women attending who have similar interests as you. That way you already have something in common.
  10. Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.

The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship.

Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up!

You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It’s totally your decision and no one else.

We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.

Be open & ready to receive a loving partnership into your life. ❤

Susan McCord @ Please Check Out My YouTube Channel for Videos on similar topics!    The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

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Can We Really Have It All Or At Least Most Of What We Want?

Want It At Forty FiveCan we have most of what we want? Why does life flow for some people but not for others? Is it really all about our attitude or self esteem? Is it luck?

Having it all is not the same for everyone. Some people want log cabins and solitude & others want a flourishing career and a winter home in Palm Springs.

Many people are very driven & make things happen to intensify their life and then there are others who make excuses as to why they are not changing their lives in a more enhancing way.

To them, it’s much easier “not” to persevere and have challenges, then to deal with the fears that come with continual change or risk taking.

It’s time to alter that behavioral thinking; you can have it all when you believe you can!

Things to Think About When Making Changes to Your Life:

  • Self sabotage inhibits your success because you don’t believe you can actually do it or that you deserve it. You stop yourself from allowing things to manifest. Visualize yourself in a better place.
  • Childhood demons or trauma can block your creativity and self worth but can also create a fight for survival as an adult.  (It is always a good idea to see a therapist to help you deal with any painful memories that still haunt you.)
  • A mundane and repetitive routine slows creative achievement; diversity is the key!
  • Don’t be envious, judgmental or jealous of others. Learn from them! Ask questions and watch what they do.
  • Want It All At Forty FiveDon’t give up or feel defeated with anything you are striving for. Oprah became successful because people everywhere can relate to her. She persevered through hardship & childhood abuse. She is a mentor to many because she never gave up on her dream despite numerous obstacles! It wasn’t an easy road for her.
  • Stop “living in a box” due to fears. We aren’t born outgoing & confident; we learn how to be. (Setting new goals on a regular basis will allow you to keep growing; which will also enhance your self-esteem.) We all have a choice on how to improve our lives. It’s up to us.
  • Stay light-hearted and fun to be around. Being rigid or controlling about things may get you what you want at the time, but could keep you from true happiness due to a “high maintenance” attitude.
  • Make a list of your desires and look at them regularly in order of importance. You may only have a few but they will change your life direction when you start to implement them.
  • Settling for anything in your life including a partner will be a disservice to all aspects of your life. It will have a domino effect. Go for what makes you truly happy.
  • Don’t wait for things to happen, make them happen! It’s perfectly OK to take baby steps to get there.
  • When things are right, they are not that difficult. Every new situation requires a little work but if there is too much drama or negativity you need to know when to move on!
  • Be careful how quickly you judge someone because everyone has a story and they are all worth hearing. Be compassionate & kind towards other people.
  • Do not let your disabilities define you; show the world your inner strength and teach others how to understand them. The less ignorance in the world, the more we will learn to love each other unconditionally.
  • Sometimes great opportunities are right in front of you but you don’t see them. Open your eyes with more clarity and allow these things to come towards you. You deserve them! We all do.

We have many more options today than our parents ever had and we need to appreciate that. We also live longer so why not make it memorable?

Want It All At Forty FiveA few scars on your knees or on your heart mean that you have “lived and loved” and were not afraid to take chances. Eventually you will get it right when you “own” the life lessons that were dealt to you. There was something you needed to know so you can move onto a healthier & happier place.

Don’t spend your life regretting what you did or didn’t do, move on and appreciate each experience. Take the positive from each situation with you to the next level & keep soaring to new heights.

I believe you can have it all if you do not become complacent or stuck. It’s never too late to change up what isn’t working.

Once we reach 30, birthdays seem to come at much more rapid pace. This scares us and can bring out more insecurities of what may not be happening in our lives.

Diversity will keep youth on your side due to always having a fresh outlook; which will enhance your life on a continual basis. People will want to be around you because you’re interesting! There is never a dull moment hanging out with you!

It’s Important to Connect with Others:

Talk to each other, look at each other, smile at each other and say hi to each other. Stop stereotyping the opposite sex and appreciate their strengths & weaknesses. Only treat others the way you want to be treated.

I believe that there are no coincidences and that people you come across in your lifetime have a message to give you or you have to give them.

The faster you decipher these messages the faster you will be able to define who you are and what special gifts you have to share with others on your path.

What makes you happy?

Do you know your true passion?

What hidden talent do you have that needs to come out for all of us to see?

We ALL have a purpose here in our lifetime and we are all unique, beautiful and wealthy in our own way.

At Forty Five You Are OK

Never be afraid to be all that you can be; because life is so much more rewarding when you finally discover that you really are pretty damn incredible!

Yes I am talking to you!

One person can make a difference, why can’t it be you?

This post is also shown here at this other amazing website! I will post there every Tuesday @ atfortyfivemag.com

Susan McCord @The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

 

 

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