I Keep Running into My Ex Boyfriend! How Can I Avoid Him?

I Keep Running into My Ex Boyfriend! How Can I Avoid Him?

Dear Sybersue answers a viewers question about how to avoid running into her Ex boyfriend on a regular basis!

She is really trying to move on from him but seeing him so often makes it very difficult not think about him. There are always some good memories even in a bad relationship which can nag at our hearts even when we know it is not a healthy partnership.

Removing yourself from the environment that you and your Ex shared is a must if you want to get over them. You will have to make a lot of changes for the first 6 months, which may include your mutual friendships and hangout locations.

Breakups go through a grieving period that can consume every part of your being and it is much harder when you have continual reminders of your time together.

Now you need to to build a place for you to feel safe and pave the way to finding a new love down the road. The more time we spend hanging onto the wrong people in our lives, the longer it takes to find that amazing partner that we all deserve.

There are always lessons but that is a good thing.<3

What have you done to move on from your Ex and avoid contact with them? Please leave your comments below.

Susan McCord @ facebook/dearsybersue
The Dear Sybersue Relationship Talk Show

 

How Do I Stop Being Lonely after My Breakup without having to be in a Social Setting?

How Do I Stop Being Lonely after My Breakup without having to be in a Social Setting?

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Dear Sybersue,

I am a 38 year old attractive woman.  My husband left our 14 year marriage 9 months ago & I have tried so many things to move on but sometimes I just can’t get out of the house due to the deep sadness I feel.

I am overwhelmed with how lonely I am and very aware that I am sabotaging my happiness by being stuck in this place of isolation.  I just don’t want to be a Debbie Downer around people and I can’t fake my moods for long.

I find it easier just to be by myself and hope that this debilitating heart break goes away soon! I am so tired of crying and want to erase the vision of my husband out with all our friends and his new & much younger girlfriend!

Our relationship seemed pretty good for the most part and we had sex occasionally but I did notice we barely talked anymore & did minimal things together as a couple. One night he just looked at me across the dinner table and said “I am not happy here anymore, too much has changed.” That was it!  He packed a suitcase and left that night.

I think he must have been seeing this other woman before he left our marriage as I really don’t think he would have had the courage to leave and to be alone.  He hasn’t been single since he was 17 and is now 42 years old!

What do you suggest I do to get past the loneliness so I can also start to live a joyful life? What am I doing wrong and why are most our friends on his side? That hurts almost as much as the break up itself!!

Thanks for whatever advice you have for me Sybersue!

Lauren H.

Hi Lauren,

Thank you for your email! I had a similar question at my ladies meet up group the other evening. This is a question so many women have due to the abruptness of how their relationship ended. The “blindsiding” way it was handled is the main reason for this.

“How could he just leave with a one line statement like it’s been talked about 100 times? I had no clue!”

Many men & women do not have any idea that their partners are unhappy or planning to leave the marital home.  Sometimes it is a denial thing but more often it is due to the couple’s lack of communication & not paying attention to each other’s needs. They stop listening to each other!

Of course only you know the answer as to what went on behind closed doors and that may be something you need to delve into to gain some closure.

In the meantime you need to change your thoughts! You are consumed with what is going on in your husband’s life and it is taking over every moment of your day. This is unhealthy and keeps you in a long term form of grieving.

How to Stop Being Lonely without having to be in a Social Environment:

  1. Put away any photos or reminders of your EX in the house, on your computer or your phone.
  2. Stop talking to the friends who do not have your back or who just want to call you to gossip about your Ex.
  3. Take him off your Facebook/Social Media so you can’t see how much fun he “seems” to be having without you!
  4. Start your day by watching something funny on YouTube or your favorite social media site. Funny animal videos always help me when I am feeling down. Build up to at least an hour per day. (That’s one hour less that you think about him!)
  5. Find a regular exercise TV show that you can follow in your home. Yoga is great & is also a form of meditation where your mind is focused only on the positive. Make this a daily routine.  It will not only release your sad mindset, it will make you look good. We all know when you look good, you feel good too. ❤
  6. Write out a list of the things that “weren’t right” in your marriage. Now that you have had 9 months to look back & process your 14 years together, there must have been some red flags or things that were missing.  It’s not all about what your husband was feeling! Maybe you weren’t that happy either.
  7. Work on a project. Maybe it is a hobby that you let go of years ago or try something completely new! Learn how to write a blog, experiment with photography, cooking new recipes & sharing them on Instagram. Everything is at your fingertips on Google!
  8. Change up your home with new paint or a few pieces of furniture! Get rid of that damn bed you slept in together or at least throw out the sheets and get some new ones.
  9. Try out some new makeup & hair ideas by watching video tutorials so that when you are ready to venture back out socializing you will have a new vamped up look!
  10. Read some motivating blogs that help you deal with breakups and divorce.
  11. Take a peek at some online dating sites or local meet up groups you can join at a later date.

It takes two people to be in a relationship and usually two people to end it as well. Own your part in why things changed so much between you & your husband. Why did you stop talking & why did you feel it was OK not to stay on a communicative level.

Relationships take work & need to be nurtured. Sometimes we take them for granted & forget that.

It’s OK to take time for yourself before you feel like putting yourself out there when you are dealing with a divorce; in fact it is healthy because you are taking time to heal. You are allowed to feel your emotions and the pain of your marriage ending. It was real to you and isn’t something you take lightly.

It is always difficult when you feel like you were replaced so quickly by another woman but your husband will have his time when he reflects on your 14 years together. No one gets through a divorce without having to deal with some form of pain or regret.

Unfortunately friendships can change with a breakup and I understand your sadness when it comes to why you don’t want to be social right now. Who do you trust, who is really there for you and were these people ever your real friends?

The people who are there for you will not play both sides of the fence. They will support you and NOT pretend everything is OK. They will be genuinely concerned about you & want to help you through this heart break. They will not be out partying right away with the new girl like nothing has happened.

Things will change for you in the next few months if you follow some of those 11 tips above. The more you do for yourself, the less rejection you will feel. You’re amazing self is still in there somewhere and I will bet there is an even better version of you to come!

Wishing you love & happiness on your new path.

Sybersue @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

 

Relationship Advice: What Does “Taking a Break” Really Mean?

This topic is timeless and a never ending discussion with men & women in relationships.

Dear Sybersue: Dating Relationship Blog & Talk Show

Seriously, what does “We are taking a break in our relationship” really mean?

This video from 5 years ago is still a very popular topic today! I wanted to re-post due to all the ongoing comments about this video on my YouTube channel. I am not usually as opinionated on my show but this conversation always gets me going! 

So many people are into taking a break in their relationship today! How do they get away with their partners being OK with it?  Isn’t this the same as having your cake & eating it too?  The best of both worlds?

Isn’t this is just a cowards way of eventually ending a relationship because they don’t want to be alone right away & they can keep their options open? Both sexes initiate this scenario today, especially in the millennial crowd.

Wouldn’t it be better to stay single & date rather than…

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Advice: Don’t Ignore The Red Flags on the First Few Dates

“Be aware of the red flags & maintain some boundaries when you are dating!”

Famous last words right??

It is not easy today in the world of relationships, dating and rarely meeting someone in a face to face scenario. Everyone is behind their technology screens and hoping & praying that they find someone they can eventually fall in love with.

Unfortunately men & women are frustrated and some people are becoming desperate enough to let some of their core values fall to the basement of their priorities! This is not a good thing and even if it gets them a few months in a relationship, they are not being true to themselves and short changing their future happiness.

Being too picky is not a good thing but overlooking key principals that are important to you are just as bad if you want a relationship of substance.

Finding love is definitely a lot of work, but well worth the investment when it happens. Don’t settle just because you are lonely, or feeling pressure from your friends, family or your age. It’s your life, nobody elses and you can take all the time in the world to get it right.

There is no time clock unless you allow one to be there.

Many people think that they are taking the easy road by accepting only a small piece of what they want in a partner. Sadly it becomes a burden because everyday you see the sacrifice you made.

The red flags are waving in your face to get your attention and if you choose to ignore them and be OK in a fictitious relationship, you will always been yearning for what could have been.

No one is perfect and no one is telling you to look for perfection so don’t overlook the qualities that are important to you.

We all have different morals & standards but our character should never be compromised to the point in where we lose a big part of ourselves just to be with someone else.

They should be an extension of who we are; not the other way around.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Relationship Talk Show   Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

My Ex Wants to be Friends While he is Dating the Girl Who he Cheated With!

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How do you explain to your ex that you cannot be friends while they date the person they cheated on you with? (Original post on Quora)

Susan McCord
Susan McCord, Susan McCord is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Talk Show Host &Published Author

I noticed how you said “while” they date the person they cheated on you with. Why would you want to be friends with a man that has no respect for you, whether he is with this woman or not? We all get that forgiveness is a part of healing, but it doesn’t mean you have to be friends or keep him in your life after he blatantly cheated on you.

He wants to be friends with you because it helps him relieve his guilt but that has nothing to do with your feelings, it’s about him. He also may be keeping you in the background in case he wants to rekindle something later on or keep the new girl feeling insecure.

Hurtful relationships are the stepping stones to a better place, but first you have to learn the lessons as to why you were with someone.

  • What did you learn about your time with them?
  • Was there something about yourself that needed to be woken up?
  • What attracted you towards him in the beginning?
  • Are you drawn to bad boys?
  • Were you shown love as a child?
  • Do you base a relationship primarily on how much sexual chemistry you have with them?
  • Was he with someone else when you met him?

The red flags are usually right in front of us early on in a relationship but many people choose to ignore them. He did you a favor by showing you his true colors and the more often you remove yourself from people who hurt you or use you, the sooner you will meet the people who should be in your life.

Oh and by the way… you do not have to explain anything to him. His actions towards you said it all.

Give your energy & love to people who appreciate you. ❤

I did this video a short time ago that you may want to see about relationships.

“Love Gone Wrong Could be Something you Needed to Learn about Yourself”

Why Do Women Play so Many Games? How Do I know if She is Into Me?

Why Do Women Play so Many Games? How Do I know if She is Into Me?

Dear Sybersue answers a popular question from men on her advice column!

They want to know why women are not authentic with their feelings and play so many pretentious games on the first few dates!

Men are confused and getting fed up with dating games of the millennium! “Why don’t women just say what they really mean? Do they think that by playing “hot & cold” it will keep the guy interested?”

That’s another question…How does a guy know if she is even interested in him???

There are way too many mixed signals going on! Both men and women need to just be themselves and stop with this push/pull scenario that is happening out there. The women are also complaining that the men act interested only until they get a woman between the sheets! Some women say this is one of the reasons they are pulling back from men.

Unfortunately this isn’t the answer and if you want a real relationship you have to be real! Stop with the games and show your date “the fun side” of the person that you are. If you can’t be your authentic self then maybe you’re not ready to date. That goes for both sexes!

Please leave your comments below if you have some great answers to this question! 🙂

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Dear Sybersue Facebook Page

 

How Do I Get Close to a Girl who Just Got Dumped By Her Boyfriend?

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Quora Question:

The Girl I Like (and have for more than 1.5 years) got dumped by her boyfriend a week ago. When would it be appropriate to try to get closer to her?

I am aware if the fact that she is obviously heavily affected by the ordeal, and thus I don’t want to do anything that may do more harm than good, for her especially. It should also be mentioned that we know each other from university, and I’ve gone out for coffee with her a few times.

Dear Sybersue’s Answer:

Continue to be her friend but don’t be aggressively available. You don’t want her to start relying on you to help her through her heartbreak on a daily basis because If there is a chance for romance between the two of you down the road, you need her to see you that way and not as her buddy.

You also don’t want to be a “short term rebound” if she becomes lonely and ends up being intimate with you when she is not ready for a new relationship. This can make her run quickly in the opposite direction as she is still dealing with the emotional aftermath of her breakup. Don’t be a guinea pig on the path to her heart healing. You want to stand out in a different way!

Give her a few months to deal with her sadness and then be honest with how you feel about her. You have already liked her for 18 months and if there is a chance for you as a couple, you need to tell her. You don’t need to spend another year waiting for her to notice you.

Put it out there and maybe she also feels something for you too but doesn’t think you are interested in her romantically.

Don’t let her be the one that got away. ❤

Link to Original Question on Quora

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show