Letter To My Teen Self by Model Emme

Letter To My Teen Self by Model Emme

I saw this post on Mogul.com & wanted to share this with everyone here on my blog.

Emme Emme is the world’s first curvy supermodel, TV personality, social reformer (a firm believer of We Are One thinking), 5 time author (most recently: Chicken Soup For The Soul: Curvy&Confident), Founder of Fashion Without Limits (a 501C3, not-for-profit inclusive global fashion design initiative that teaches young designers to create well fitting garments for women size 0-24), and a Mom of a terrific teenage daughter Toby.
Generally a positive, happy person, she is up for adventures and curious stories to share. Naturally warmed hearted, Emme is a spiritual entrepreneur who loves her friends, family, fine food, wine and B&B Snowshoeing trips. Tune in at iTunes for Emme’s new podcast: EmmeStyle, where she interviews remarkable people with empowering stories each week. She will be walking in DC #IWILLMARCH, supports RowNY.org, bleeds Orange (Syracuse University grad ’85) and appreciates her body more and more each
year!
Letter to My Teen Self

The original post can be found on Refinery29

Dear Emme,

This is a letter is a long time coming. It nags at me every day, when I chat with my 15-year-old daughter. I watch her sorting out the business of becoming a woman, absorbing the world’s messages about what that means, looking at herself through the lens of media, celebrity, and yes, her mother, too, and wondering to herself how she measures up. I want, so badly, to find the words to free her from all that comparison and worry, because I know that struggle all too well.

And then I think of you, my teenaged self, lying on your bedroom floor, tearfully wrenching yourself into a pair of Calvin Klein jeans — the ones from that Brooke Shields ad — willing them to fit and knowing they never will. Because you are not Brooke Shields. And the sooner you know that, the sooner your life as Emme will begin. What magic words could I say to convince you to get up off the floor?

Things weren’t easy in that house, I know. Your mother always on a diet, and your stepfather, obsessed with controlling his weight — and yours. In his disordered eating, he was struggling with the wounds of his own childhood, inflicting his suffering on those around him too. That’s how it works with bullies. They’ve been hurt, so they hurt others. But how could you know that then? All you knew was that, in the eyes of those who should have loved you unconditionally, your body was unacceptable.

At school, things were different. There, your body wasn’t “fat,” but strong and capable. You were an athlete, excelling at sports. You became a star rower and eventually would go to Syracuse University on a full athletic scholarship. Even then, you could not see your body for the incredible asset it was.

And no one else could see the truth either. Your coaches applauded your strength and ability, urging you to hone it — but inside you still carried those lessons learned at home. You didn’t want to be stronger; you wanted to be small. You guzzled diet soda and carefully calculated the calories of each meal, then went to practice to burn them off. Everyone praised your athletic aptitude, but really, that athleticism was the perfect mask for disordered eating.

Back then, though, people didn’t talk much about eating disorders — especially not when it came to girls who looked like you. (Years later, shortly after you begin modeling, you will take your first big paycheck and go straight to therapy. “You look perfectly fine,” your therapist will say. “Next!”)

Still, you will begin to understand that you need help. Even as you step into the world of plus-size modeling, where your body will be praised and championed — and where no one will tell you to lose weight — you will know you need help. Eventually, you’ll find the right therapist and begin to mend those wide-open wounds inflicted all the way back in your parents’ house. At last, you’ll grow into the woman I am today: a creator, a mother, an author, a speaker, and a fighter on behalf of girls just like you.

If I had the chance to knock on your bedroom door that day, and find you there, wrestling with a pair of too-small jeans, here is what I would say: It’s the jeans that don’t fit — not you. You are going to do such magnificent things with this body of yours. You’re going to use it to make love. You are going to give birth with it. It’s going to help you build a career. These are the arms with which you will hug people, the middle your children will run to and wrap their own arms around. This body is the vehicle that will carry you through the rest of the beautiful, astonishing life ahead of you. So, please, stop fighting it.

This is my earnest plea to you, and to every young person out there — because you are certainly not the only teenager lying on the floor, wishing they were different. If others aren’t giving you the respect and love you deserve, give it to yourself. Demand it. Know that all those bullies and critics are dealing with their own pain. So let them deal with it; don’t absorb other people’s problems.

And don’t try to fit yourself into someone else’s mold either. If the jeans don’t fit, don’t wear them. Find the clothes that fit your body and the life that fits you. Speak up for yourself and soon enough, those bullying voices will fade away, and you’ll find yourself surrounded by people who do treat you with respect and love, and so much more. But you have to do it for yourself first.

I wish you didn’t have to fight this battle. I wish nobody did. But I know you have it in you. So, get up off the floor, girl. Start now, the sooner the better. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “This is who I am. Take it or leave it.” Then get out there, and tell the world.

Love,

Emme.

Get more from Emme on her website, EmmeStyle.com, and find her on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook at @supermodelemme.
How to Deal With Low Self-Esteem and Relationships

How to Deal With Low Self-Esteem and Relationships

Do you really want to be in a relationship but you don’t feel positive about yourself or worthy of having love in your life? How do you remove this negativity and start to feel good about yourself?

We are ALL attractive and have something to offer, but if we don’t believe that about ourselves how will someone else believe we are a wonderful person?

Your self esteem is the foundation of your life. If you feel good about yourself and talk in a positive light people will want to be around you. If you keep pointing out negative things about who you are people may start to believe you!

How do you stop sabotaging love from happening for you?

  • People gravitate toward others who are happy and positive about life; not someone who sees doom & gloom on a regular basis.
  • By diversifying your life and continually trying new things, it will keep you from becoming stuck in a dull or pessimistic routine and more interesting to be around.
  • Understanding you may need some professional help to work on your optimism and remove the negative comments about yourself and others.
  • Put yourself in the company of happy people and happy scenarios.
  • Don’t allow yourself to be a part of negative gossip, especially if it involves your friends, family or colleagues.
  • Write down the things you like about yourself and read them out loud everyday!

Please watch the video above for more tips on how to change this up and believe you deserve love in your life! ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

Dating Advice: What He Says Vs. What He REALLY Means (Matthew Hussey)

Dating Advice: What He Says Vs. What He REALLY Means (Matthew Hussey)

The video above by Matthew Hussey literally had me laughing out loud! So much of what was said in this video is very true!

Men and women interpret things very differently on a day to day basis but even more so in the world of dating today! Matthew is the #mansplaner in this video who dissects what is really being said between a couple out on a first date.

It is very important to understand how you come across when you are meeting someone new. So much can be read into face to face “one liners” or impersonal texts and we have to be careful how we present ourselves if we want to have a potential partner in our lives.

First impressions make or break that second date! These questions & statements listed below are huge red flags about a man’s character to be aware of:

  • Never ask someone why they are single! “Why are YOU SINGLE buddy?”
  • “When was the last time you had sex?”
  • “How many men have you slept with?”
  • “What’s your 5 year plan?” (How original!)
  • “Are you on birth control because I don’t like using condoms.”
  • “I am just looking to have some fun. I am not into having a serious relationship.”
  • “Are you into having an open relationship?”
  • “I just got out of a long relationship.”
  • “I am separated from my wife but still living at home. It’s only a matter of time until I get my own place.”
  • “My marriage is over but I am staying for the kids right now.”
  • “I am not sure I want kids as my career is pretty demanding.”

When you pay attention on the first few dates, it can be fairly obvious whether they are sincerely into having a relationship or not. Don’t just hear what you want to hear; listen to what they are really saying. You can save yourself a lot of drama by doing so!

You are not there to fix them or change them so don’t start thinking there is a possibility to mold them into your perfect prince charming. Move on to someone who you have a natural connection with.

When it is right, there aren’t too many complicated questions. It just flows. ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Don’t Give up on Love & Relationships!

Don’t Give up on Love & Relationships!

Dear Sybersue discusses how many men and women are sad, lonely or angry about the difficulties in finding a solid partnership today.

Many people are giving up on ever having a loving relationship due to all the high maintenance attitudes and lengthy checklists they come across in the dating world of the Millennium.

With all the world problems that effect us every day shouldn’t we try to at least have love in our personal lives? Isolating ourselves in a negative and angry environment is not the answer to attracting the love we all deserve to have.

I don’t believe for a moment that people really don’t want a relationship.  I think this attitude is due to past rejections, crushed egos, fear on what hasn’t worked and how difficult it is to find authentic love today.

People are becoming more shallow and have higher expectations than ever before. Why has this happened and how do we change things up so that we can have love in our lives?

Please watch the video above and leave your comments below this post. What do you think is going on?

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Facebook/dearsybersue
twitter/susanmccord
instagram/dearsybersue

Infidelity: Water the Lawn at Your Own Home not Someone Else’s!

Infidelity: Water the Lawn at Your Own Home not Someone Else’s!

Dear Sybersue is an Informative and very REAL Dating and Relationship Advice Talk Show for Men & Women.

In the video above I discuss infidelity and stepping out on your partner while pretending to be in a solid partnership. Being blindsided by someone who you thought was loyal can destroy trust for many years to come. If you’re not invested in your relationship then have the courage to remove yourself before you bring someone else into the mix.

You owe them that much.

If you are unhappy with the way things are going in your partnership why are you hanging around? You know in your heart whether it can be repaired or if  there is a future with them. Leading someone on who thinks they are in a committed long term relationship is just prolonging an unhealthy and fake environment.

This is happening a lot right now with many couples. One of my most popular posts on this website is titled: Dear Sybersue I was in a 7 year Relationship When My Boyfriend suddenly left me!  (Check it out!)

Part of the problem is how difficult dating is in the Millennium and people don’t want to be alone. They would rather live in their unhappy situation than put themselves through the hardship of finding someone they could be happy with.  So they stay.

Here lies the problem.

Whenever a scenario offers the opportunity of a flirtatious encounter with someone (other than with your partner) it is eagerly jumped upon. Someone is paying attention to you! You react harmlessly at first, but subconsciously there is a newly lit desire springing to life!

You feel a little more alive and less lonely than you have been feeling.

This becomes a dangerous territory and hard to remove yourself from. The forbidden fruit of life’s temptations! The devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. We have all been there even though we see those red flags waving furiously in the wind!

But we ignore them…

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Please like my facebook page
Follow me on Instagram
Dear Sybersue Blogs & Advice Column 

HELP! My Life is Crazy & My Sex Life Is Non-Existent In My Marriage!

HELP! My Life is Crazy & My Sex Life Is Non-Existent In My Marriage!

Dear Sybersue:

I live a very full & pretty decent life for the most part. I have two children, a dog and a great partner whom I still love after 10 years. His job is demanding & I work 5 days a week myself. I am also putting in time to develop my own business on the side to help with our heavy mortgage.

Needless to say juggling it all and still having a busy social schedule is a challenge as I am sure it is for many people out there. My sex-life is non-existent at the moment & my passion for it is a little depleted due to the lack of physical connection my husband and I share.

Even though I seem to be managing my crazy life, I have to admit I feel tired & stressed out all the time these days!

I do not take care of myself in the way I should due to time restrictions with work, & the children’s activities. I do not feel nearly as sexy or attractive as I used to in my single days. I don’t have time to be the feminine hot woman of my past existence anymore.

I don’t even know what a girl’s night out is these days! My friends seem to have given up on me because I have so little time for them. I don’t blame them.

Every so often I get very depressed and do not want to see or talk to anyone which makes it even worse. I feel overwhelmed ~ Any ideas to help??

From The Suburban Housewife

ANSWER

Hi S.H. & thanks for writing,

First of all I truly do suggest that you talk to a professional therapist. The minute there is depression involved, you should have a qualified resource to get the best help available.

In the meantime here are a few things to think about.

Like many working mothers today, we are all doing too much for everyone else and giving ourselves the leftovers! This pretty much amounts to 15 minutes of quality “Me” time in a 24 hour period.

  1. I would advise you to write out a strict weekly schedule that allows time for you away from any responsibilities.
  2. This needs to include at least one hour per day that is solely for you. No one can bother you with anything, no exceptions.
  3. Whether it is sitting in a bubble bath, going to a counseling session, a yoga class, having a friend over, or reading a sexy novel, it is all about “YOU” for that time frame.
  4. You need to let go of the guilt of not doing something constructive at every moment of your day.
  5. Lighten up the kids activity load. Parents sign up their children for so many things today which isn’t healthy for anyone.
  6. Hire an intern to help you with your future business plan or limit yourself to a few hours per week to focus on this project.
  7. Be particular about which social events you attend. You can’t do it all!

You didn’t say how much your husband helped out around the home but be honest with yourself on whether you feel there is equality in that respect. If you are both working, you both should be participating 50/50 in your partnership in every area. More often than not, women do take on more at home because they are nurturers from birth. (Thanks to being given the womb!) Ask for help.

The children need to have daily chores, or if they are too young right now, hire a neighborhood kid to walk the dog after you get home from work, to mow the lawn, or get your groceries, dry cleaning or light housework. It will be worth the money for the time and stress you save.

Now, how to feel sexy again:

Your man should help out with this one until you get back those sexual urges. He has to desire you and tell you he does. Soft kisses and hugs outside bedroom will slowly get you both back on a sensual path. You need a gentle push to get you in the mood after a long day and it is important to communicate this to each other before too many months go by and you are living in a platonic relationship.

Does your husband want sex regularly or has he also lost interest? If he is too aggressive this can turn you off or if he is not pursuing an intimate relationship with you, this could be why you don’t feel as sexual these days.

Sometimes women don’t see that, and think it is always just their problem. It usually is a two way street, because both people are too busy to make sex a priority. Sex can be the biggest deal breaker in a relationship so it is imperative to get a handle on it ASAP. (Never give each other an excuse to go out and find it somewhere else.)

Making yourself feel sexy with lingerie, a little makeup or having  a pedicure can help put a spring back in your step. When you look good you really do feel good. Make an effort on a daily basis to spruce yourself up. It takes 10 sec to apply lipstick or brush your hair into a nice style. ❤

Have sex once per week to start out. No excuses! You both need to make this happen regardless of how busy you are. Date nights are important! It doesn’t have to be a 2 hour session; sometimes 20 minutes of intimacy is all you need to feel close again.

Put any social life on hold until you get the sex back in your relationship. Sometimes all it takes is a few romantic orgasmic sessions to get you back to being the tigress you once were!

Let me know you make out…literally.

xo Sybersue

Save Your Relationship: Fight the Problem not Each Other!

Save Your Relationship: Fight the Problem not Each Other!

Dear Sybersue discusses relationship problems that can be solved through love and communication! Pick your battles and stop sweating the small stuff!

There will always be issues to deal with in your partnership but many of them can be managed before they escalate into destroying your relationship.

Why do some couples keep rehashing the same old argument or keep looking for a new one? Are they looking for a fight due to boredom?

Why not try to spice up the relationship in other ways that don’t include a heated argument? Defuse the conflict early and put that energy into something that brings you closer, like great makeup sex!  Remember those days???

Making love is the the glue of most successful long term partnerships!

The more drama you allow into your relationship the less chance you will have to make it work long term. It’s not easy being with the same person for many years but with a little low maintenance action it can be a loving and healthy environment that you enjoy coming home to.

There are men and women who truly love their spouses right up until their 60th wedding anniversary because they made it work and put each other first through all those years together. When you unconditionally respect your partner it is easy to hold on to the love you feel for each other because you grow together rather than grow apart. You like each other and appreciate one another.

It is actually a simple equation but so many couples complicate it until the demise of their relationship is before them.

Please watch the video above and leave your comments below this post on what has or hasn’t worked for you in your own home. Your words may able to help someone else out there. 🙂

Susan McCord @ youtube.com/dearsybersue

Dear Sybersue Facebook
Advice Column Blogs & More Videos