Is Your Online Dating Profile Turning People Off?

Would you like to have a relationship but never seem to find the right person on any dating site that you have a connection with?

Online dating can be really frustrating and take a toll on your self esteem! It might be time to tweak your profile description & your photo selection to show who you really are; not someone you think they want!

No one wants a fake person and how long can you play that game for after they meet you in person? Stop the BS and be genuine! Do you want to meet someone who is phoney and embellishing who they are? I don’t think you do…so don’t be that person then.

Attracting love in your life starts with being true to who you are.

If you are playing a different persona you will also attract that towards you. If you want a partnership that has substance and longevity, being authentic with who you are is extremely important.

You are not looking for an opposite love interest, you are looking for unconditional compatibility in a committed relationship, right?

So then it is imperative to be honest and sincere if you want the same thing in return. It’s never too late to change up dating patterns that aren’t working and it’s never too late to have love in your life.

Change your attitude, change your thinking and allow your heart to be truthfully open. You are fabulous just the way you are!  ❤

What have you experienced with online dating? Has it worked for you?

Please leave your comments below to help others have a better dating experience.

Susan McCord @ facebook.com/dearsybersue
Dear Sybersue YouTube Channel

 

Relationship & Dating Advice: Are you too Judgmental or too Picky?

 pixabay-picky-male-1815079_1280

How would you describe yourself in 3 sentences?

Do you think people know the “real you?”

With less “face to face” contact due to online dating & social media outlets, people are spending more time behind a computer and becoming even more judgmental than ever before. All it takes is the click of a mouse or a swipe to the right and we are on to the next more attractive profile photo without giving any thought to getting to know someone who isn’t our idea of a perfect 10!

Vanity is taking on a whole new look these days because there is so much more importance placed on physical appearance than ever before! Many people are spending too much time posting selfies or half naked photos all over Facebook, Snapchat & Instagram.  Why are they trying to impress complete strangers out in Cyberland?

pixabay-blonde-on-a-bed-black-bra-873778_1280

Insecurities lie deep within the majority of the population because many people are not comfortable in their own skin; so that when meeting someone for the first time many men & women are very judgemental and label each other very quickly.

When we are not happy with ourselves, we tend to find fault in others.

It is our own responsibility of how we allow ourselves to be portrayed. Clothes, attitude, hairstyles, and body art, all make an initial statement regardless of whether we think it should. It is a form of expression and usually a good part of who we are at the time.

Dying your hair fuchsia, having 20 facial piercings, overdone plastic surgery and full body tattoos will get definitely get you attention.  It is human nature and society that makes the general public react with a quick summation to something that is “out of the norm.”

Don’t be pissed off or surprised when people stare because that is who you want to be at that particular time and you should be proud of it or change it. Honestly ask yourself if this is truly the first impression you want to give off to people; or are you rebelling due to some internal anger or hurt?

After all, body language is an open window to your true character.

First impressions are the building blocks to a second date, which is why it is strongly advised to be “attitude ready” when you are looking for that special person to share your life with. People can change and that includes you. If you feel your past is somewhat questionable with some the choices you have made, the first step is to own them, acknowledge them & forgive yourself.

Everyone makes mistakes in relationships or dating scenarios but they do not always admit or accept their part in the repetitive turmoil that surrounds them. Blaming your life choices on others will only keep you in denial and block your future happiness.

Asking for help is a great way to move towards a positive direction. Having someone to talk to like a counselor/coach, trusted friend or family member can help you with your subconscious actions, that may be damaging your chance at finding a loving person to share your life with.

Once you start seeing the good in people and believe you can have a healthy relationship, you will start to attract the right people towards you. Every time you meet someone new, say 3 things nice about them which will override any negative comments that you initially might want to think that could sabotage it. (You can either say it out loud to them or just say it to yourself until you feel comfortable.) Always focus on the bright & shiny; not the dark & dismal.

Being judgmental doesn’t work for anyone and keeps people in a relationship pattern of short lived partnerships. Don’t get stuck thinking it will never change. We all have a past but it is how we deal with our future that defines our happiness.

We are ALL beautiful and deserve love in our lives.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/c/dearsybersue

 

Dating & Relationship Advice: Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

FullSizeRender (40)

Am I looking for Love in all the Wrong Places?

I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life.  Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.

Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other! My girlfriend recently got reprimanded by a radio personality for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way. Why do we do this to each other and why are we some men and women so damn angry?

People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people! Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become embedded into your mind in a negative way.

The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is both men and women lack some creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date.  The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario.  Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)

Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available.  Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive pattern for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely &  the patten continues…

Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:

  • If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to their profile & notice any red flags. (Many people choose to ignore them, even the obvious ones)
  • Don’t get caught up and blinded by people’s status or looks!  There are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type.  Many prominent athletes, musicians or wealthy business people frequent the same watering holes. This is a gold mine for people on the prowl for money or status or for travelers looking just to get laid.
  • Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. There are usually pretty easy to spot. Just keep your eyes open and observe.
  • Being the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
  • People who only date the perfect & beautiful types.  Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.

External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.

Finding true love should not be costly or painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you. If you classify yourself as a certain “type” you will not allow yourself to grow to your full potential! Fear can be a powerful suppressor, so be cognizant of any forming repetitive patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of the unknown.

Take baby steps to challenge your demons.

If you don’t have the strength to get out of  reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.) Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance.  Everyone deserves love in their life!

Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:

  1. Golf driving range or (An Executive par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there.)
  2. Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
  3. The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
  4. Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
  5. Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
  6. Sporting venue (hockey game, soccer match, golf spectator etc.)
  7. Any mingle social event or Lounge  (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
  8. Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
  9. Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women there who have similar interests as you.
  10. Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.

The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship. Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up! You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It;s totally your decision and no one else’s. We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.

Susan McCord @ Please Check Out The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

Dear Sybersue: Women are Weird! Do They Even Know What They Want?

Dear Sybersue: Women are Weird! Do They Even Know What They Want?

shave-beaver

Dear Sybersue;  Women are Weird! Do They Even Know What They Want?

I need to address something that really frustrates me.  I’m a 35 year old male and I have still not figured anything out yet when it comes to meeting the right woman!  Women are just strange creatures indeed; regardless of their age!

Younger women are on a long learning curve about life and I don’t want to spend my life teaching them everything. (They also have this sense of entitlement that drives me crazy! Where did they get these unrealistic expectations anyway?) Many women my own age seem to be on a ticking biological clock and are looking for a man to make babies with. Some of them don’t even care if there is a connection as long as there is a sperm donor. Sorry to be so crass but I’m not making this up!

Older women seem to have more regrets about what they did or didn’t do when they were younger and seem a little edgy or angry for the most part!  I’ve never dated an older woman (but I have spoken to many of them) so forgive me if my comment might offend you. I know I am generalizing with all of this but my guy friends agree with me for the most part.  All I know is that when it comes to a woman’s needs I bend over backwards until I break.  Some women say I try too hard and some say I don’t try hard enough. This is why they all seem so wierd to me! I can’t please any of them, any of the time. If I am too nice I am considered boring or pussy whipped and if I am more evasive and not so eager, I am an as$hole.

What do they really want?  If you ask me I think they are the ones who are confused & don’t know what they want or what is important to them! Talk about mixed signals! I know not all men are a great catch either but right now I am just trying to figure out my part in all this. It just seems everyone has become so shallow and quick to judge each other. I just want to be in a normal loving partnership that is reciprocated and healthy.

Is there such a thing or I am delusional hoping there could be?

Thanks, Tony 

Dear Tony,

I am not offended at all & I agree with much of your frustration for the most part. You are at the age where you are ready to make some major life decisions and it isn’t easy these days!  Men and women have changed and confusion has set in as to what both sexes want anymore! So many people seem to have a guarded attitude which just repels a potential date in the opposite direction. We all need to change our judgmental perceptive on each other to even have the slightest chance at finding love in our lives.

You asked what you can do to change your part in what isn’t working in your love life and there are a few things you can do to change your own attitude. You are in danger of becoming stuck in a negative and jaded place and you are probably in a dating pattern that you aren’t even aware of.  You may be attracted to a certain type of woman that doesn’t work for you. Many guys do not even realize that they keep going for the same shallowness because they are only choosing high maintenance women. They make her looks the priority without checking out the whole person. We are all visual creatures but we have be able to look beyond our pulsing loins to meet a quality partner.

Make a list & write down all the important things you really want in a woman & don’t stop reading it until you meet her.  Sometimes we don’t find what we really want because we are confused as to what that is. We spend a lot of time saying “we know what we don’t want” but seldom say out loud “we know what we want and what is important” to us.

You shouldn’t have to bend over backwards for anyone in a relationship as it should be a reciprocated partnership where you both do things for each other. There “is” such a thing as being too nice or too doting on someone which can be a turn off for some women. No one wants someone they can push around in the long run ~ they will end up losing respect for that person because they have too much control & not enough excitement or mystery.  Being predictable can become boring over the years together and it is healthy & fun to keep them guessing just a little.  I don’t mean continually playing games but just to change things up a bit so that it is refreshing when you see each other.

10 Things You Can Do to Change Up Your Dating Scenario:

  • In the first stages of meeting someone new, do not put out “all of you” right away.
  • Get to know them slowly & watch how they treat you & others around them.
  • Change up the type of women you date. Look outside your usual sandbox!
  • If there a sense of entitlement & expectations on their part, remove yourself early on.  Women who are takers are generally pretty obvious right from the start.
  • Be pleasant & respectful with the women you are dating but don’t try too hard! When it is right it has a natural feel to it.
  • Stop going to the same places to meet someone. Change up your surroundings.
  • Work on your attitude and don’t paint all women the same way by saying they are all weird. You are attracting them towards you for a reason so alter your thinking to attract the right one towards you.
  • The most important point in all of this is to know what “you” want, put it out there & believe she will show up in your life.

There is someone for everyone we just need to trust (& not ignore) our instincts, to allow the right one to come in.

Thanks for writing Tony, wishing you much love & happiness  always. 

 xo Sybersue ❤

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew  Post  (by Andrea Wesley The Bolde.com)

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew Post (by Andrea Wesley The Bolde.com)

Photo Credit: WeHeartIt TheBolde.com

Photo Credit:
WeHeartIt at TheBolde.com

This guest post is written by Andrea Wesley from The Bolde! She is one of my talk show co-hosts who has been in my life for over 5 years now. Although Andrea and I are from two different generations we have spent many afternoons discussing dating and relationship topics to no end! Regardless of what birthday you are approaching there is always something to talk about when it comes to love or lack of it! Some of us take longer roads to get there but there is always something to learn and appreciate along the way. Andrea and I both write blogs because of it so that is a bonus to the relationship drama we have both endured over the years.

This post says it all and gives great insight on how to deal with being single when all your friends are in relationships! It is a great read. ❤ Love you Miss Andrea! ❤

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew Post by Andrea Wesley

The older we get, the more the people around us are settling down and starting lives and families of their own. When you’re the last single girl standing among your group of friends, it can start to feel like you have less and less in common. There was a good chunk of my past few single years where I felt extremely bitter and resentful, or that I was that flawed and tragic friend who never had a date to the party and couldn’t relate to those conversations pertaining to the ups and downs people were experiencing in their loving relationships. As it turns out, being the last one standing without a partner isn’t a bad thing at all, but there’s a particular survival method to get to that place of being completely content with being the last single girl in your crew.

1. Live vicariously through your friends and learn from them. You’d be amazed what you can learn from your friends and what they go through in their relationships. They’ll tell you all the good things you have to look forward to, and also the realities of the struggles of being in a partnership. When you’ve been single for a while, you might start to forget about the compromises that come with being part of a duo. Being the outsider looking in gives you a new perspective on relationships and helps you to recreate the image of what you want for yourself one day, when the lucky guy finally arrives to your single girl party.

Please Click this Link to See More of This Post by Andrea —–>: http://www.thebolde.com/survive-last-single-girl-crew/#sthash.poUSfbTP.dpuf

About The Author

ANDREA WESLEY

Andrea is a 30 year old freelance writer living in the suburbs of Vancouver, Canada. By day, she’s a kale eating, gym going office professional and by night she’s a wine drinking, Netflix loving pizza eater. She also writes a personal blog about her humorous dating adventures and even though she hasn’t found “the one” yet, she keeps entertained by her friends, family and crazy ginger tabby, Jagger.

Susan McCord AKA Dear Sybersue  and also Check Out  Susan’s Talk Show 

Finding Love: 10 Tips to Help Change Your Dating Patterns

Finding Love: 10 Tips to Help Change Your Dating Patterns

Two Hearts Become One

Two Hearts Become One

I have have received quite a few  emails from men writing my advice column lately with the same dating question. It seems that many men are perturbed with women & their mixed signals. The women seem to be very interested in the beginning but then start to act disinterested or start playing hard to get by being unavailable or too busy!  There has been 8 men corresponding with me regularly from different parts of the world asking me to help them figure out why their dating life is such a problem. They are meeting women online for the most part but two of them are in toxic relationships with women they met through a friend’s introduction.

The common scenario and why these men are all having a similar dating problem is because they are choosing very high maintenance women who have a sense of entitlement attitude. They are so attracted to their physical appearance that they can’t see anything else.  So how’s that working for them?  It’s not!!  I have to say though, they have all been very receptive to my colorful comments and I am impressed at how open they are when I give them honest feedback. They were really listening and trying to get past this shallow place of choosing women strictly for their beauty. They admitted it was like an addiction and hard not to repeat the same scenario.

Without going into detail about their personal issues here are a few of the things the men have shared with me about their experiences with the women they have dated.

  • The women walk all over the men and take advantage of their nice guy persona.
  • Their expectations are way over the top with regards to the men paying for everything.
  • The women are evasive about seeing them again or setting up a future date, but seem really interested!
  • They act hot and cold. One day they are super affection the next day they are almost dismissive.
  • Use sex as a manipulating tool!

So what is the problem here and isn’t this the same thing that women complain about with regards to dating men?

Both men & women want the same things but they don’t often realize that. It is very interesting how alike we are when it comes to love. Here are some of the checklist priorities that you should adhere too when dating someone.

Advice To Both Sexes:

  1. Always leave a little bit of mystery about who you are. You don’t need to put your heart, body & soul on the table with every potential partner on the first few dates. Being too accommodating and overly available can be a big turn off in the early stages!
  2. Do not ever put yourself as number two (taking a backseat to another person etc. If they are too busy or still getting out of a past relationship, move on.)
  3. Respect their time;  being late or canceling last minute is rude and should not be tolerated!
  4. Do not lead anyone on if you are not interested in them. Seeing someone because you do not want to be alone is selfish and insecure.
  5. Putting yourself out there too early sexually can send out a different signal than you may want. Sex changes expectations.
  6. Watch how picky your checklist is! Would you want to meet someone with your outrageous demands?”
  7. Go out on at least 2 dates before you make your decision. Many people are shy, nervous or reserved when first meeting someone. Give them a chance!
  8. Being too clingy or overly affectionate is a sign of control or insecurity, so be careful how touchy/feely you are in the beginning. Don’t bombard them with texts either!!
  9. Both sexes should offer to pay or at least contribute every few dates. Women should not assume it is always the man’s duty. And guys…don’t complain about high maintenance women if you keep choosing them. They aren’t hiding anything so it is your choice to be there. Go with it or get out but don’t paint all women with the same brush.
  10. If something is uncomfortable or bothering either sex during the date, it should be discussed & not left to fester. Communication is the key to a good relationship.

It is very important to always respect yourself first. How you act on those first few dates is setting a precedent on how things will be expected each time you see them. If you try too hard, come across needy or you are willing to pull out your wallet at every given chance; you are setting yourself up for a repetitive dating pattern. Own your part in why things are not working out the way you would like and  things will start to change for you and your dating life. If you are constantly exasperated with either meeting the wrong people or not dating at all, there is something within yourself that you are doing to sabotage your happiness.  It is never too late to change what isn’t working and find the love you deserve. ❤

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue Talk Show  http://www.youtube.com/tc/susanmccord

Believe! Using The Law Of Attraction to Find Love & Better Your Relationships

I am sure by now you have heard this term a few times and may even be getting fed up with how much exposure it is receiving and what does it mean anyway?

In simpler terms: law of attraction means: like attracts like.

Behavior breeds behavior, so when you appear optimistic you will attract others of the same towards you or if you are pessimistic you will keep bringing negative people into your circle. The Law of Attraction helps you learn how to receive & believe you can change your life to attract what you want.  It doesn’t just have to be a dream!

For example: If you are really unhappy in your current job  it may be time to seriously consider leaving it. Your quality of life is more important than staying somewhere that you have outgrown and you are only there because it is easy and safe. Pursuing your life passion should become your focus so that you don’t waste anymore time doing something that is making you very unhappy.  Think about it; If you are constantly putting yourself in a negative environment, how can you possibly be sending out good thoughts?  You just get more of the same repetitive negativity coming back on a daily basis. Putting yourself in a happy place demolishes the demons that keep harboring your regular thoughts.  Just try to be miserable when you are happy!

Don’t look at it as a dream; actually visualize your new path. It is easier to achieve something when you can see it clearly.

Most people are fearful of change especially in their later years. Fear is the biggest obstacle in the average person’s achievements.  Inviting change keeps a person young and removes complacency.

Many individuals do not know how to be alone. They are not comfortable in their own skin. They go from one relationship to the next without any time between the two. In fact many people already have a new relationship lined up before they end the first one. How can you possibly find a new partner when you are still emotionally connected with someone else? Of course it is scary with the thought of being alone again but it is still better to take your time after a breakup than to pull someone into your broken heart.

Pursuing your passion is always the right path. Listen to your intuition, it is never wrong.

If you keep attracting the wrong people into your life, it is happening because of the images you are seeing in your mind. Ask yourself honestly what type of relationship you truly want. Are you looking for love or friendship? How well do you communicate? What does your body language say to others? What do you think of yourself?

By changing your thoughts you can change your life.

Contrary to what many people think attraction may mean, it is not necessarily always a good thing.  Being “attracted or having something or someone attracted to you” can be also be a negative if not used correctly. It is what your thoughts project that comes back into your life.  The energy or vibration that you put out is exactly what the Universe gives back. If you keep meeting abusive people, you are sending out something that is allowing this pattern to happen.  Do not ignore these signs as it may be time to talk to a therapist about this reoccurring scenario. On the other side of the coin, learning how to use this “attraction technique” to bring loving people into your life is what this discussion is all about! The more you practice it, more of the same great things will appear on your path.

Don’t believe me? Look back at your relationships over the years; is there a pattern?  When you say negative comments like:”I never meet anyone”, or “everyone is taken”, “who would want me”, that is what you are projecting! Try saying;  I am going to meet a wonderful partner and believe I deserve a great relationshipThat is what you will achieve if you say it with conviction. Letting those negative thoughts creep in continually will slow the process down immensely.

Send out powerful thoughts on what you really want to receive. Try it for a month and be aware of the positive changes that occur in your life.  (I met my husband using this method!)  There are many articles on this subject and some have been over publicized, but there are some great messages that should not be ignored.

Make a list of what you want and what you are grateful for in your life. Read it back on a regular basis and say it out loud.

People that believe they can have it all are successful because they believed. For all of you non believers, it might be time to open yourself up to trying a new approach to life.  It can’t hurt and who knows, you may actually become a better person and enjoy your own company which will project onto others.  New doors will open and life will only get better.

Susan McCord  http://www.sybersue.com  &   http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord