Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

Pixabay ready for love hand-1044883_1280

I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life.  Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.

Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other!

Not too long ago a friend of mine was publicly reprimanded by a male radio host for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way.

Why do we do this to each other and why are some men and women so damn angry?

People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people!

Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become negatively embedded into your mind.

The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is because both men and women lack ideas or creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date.  It also has a lot to do with self-esteem and fear of rejection as well.

The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario.

Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)

Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available at night clubs.

Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it also gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive hangout for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely and the pattern continues.

Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:

  • If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to what their profile says & notice any red flags with their pictures. Photos really are worth a thousand words on most online dating sites and many people choose to ignore these obvious signs!
  • Don’t get caught up and blinded by a person’s status! These are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type. These people usually frequent the same establishments and word travels fast. Do you really want to be known as a groupie? (You may not even be aware that you have this reputation.)
  • Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. They are usually pretty easy to spot so keep your eyes open and observe. Body language is also a dead giveaway.
  • Don’t allow yourself to be the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
  • People who only date the perfect & beautiful types.  Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.

External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.

Finding true love should not be abusive or emotionally painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.

If you classify yourself as a certain “type” or that you only like a certain type of person, you will be forever stuck in repetitive scenarios.  Fear can be a powerful relationship suppressor, so be cognizant of forming any patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of what may or may not happen.

Challenge those internal demons as to why you don’t feel worthy of having love in your life.

If you don’t have the strength to get out of  reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.)

Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance.  Everyone deserves love!

Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:

  1. Golf driving range or at an Executive Par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there. (Unless of course you are a great player!)
  2. Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
  3. The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
  4. Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
  5. Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
  6. Sporting venue (hockey game, baseball game, soccer match, golf spectator etc.)
  7. Any mingle social event or lounge  (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
  8. Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
  9. Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women attending who have similar interests as you. That way you already have something in common.
  10. Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.

The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship.

Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up!

You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It’s totally your decision and no one else.

We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.

Be open & ready to receive a loving partnership into your life. ❤

Susan McCord @ Please Check Out My YouTube Channel for Videos on similar topics!    The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

Dear Sybersue ~ How Do You Feel About Online Dating Vrs The Traditional Way?

online dating girl

Dear Sybersue,

How do you feel about online dating vs. the traditional way?  Do you think social media sites have changed the way people date and is it a helpful thing or hurtful?

MMG YouTube

Dear MMG,

That is a much more complicated a question than you know & it is not a one sentence answer that’s for sure. While I am an advocate for online dating, I am saddened by the demise of old fashioned hookups & by meeting each other out in a public environment or event. Technology has made us lazy & we don’t even have to leave our homes to “flirt” with someone anymore. The trouble is we don’t know who these potential dates really are until we meet them in person & literally watch their actions & behaviors.

People can waste a lot of time online with someone who has no intention of having a relationship ~ they’re just enjoying playing the game & seeing how many admirers they can get on their profile. (Of course I am generalizing as there are many people on dating sites for the right reasons as well.)

As much as social media has connected us world wide it has also slowed communications in the old fashioned natural way.  People are forgetting how to talk to each other. How often does your phone ring these days & don’t even talk about a residential phone! The only people calling your home are telemarketers or your grandparents!  Even I am guilty about not wanting to talk on the phone and prefer to text much of the time! It’s not about being lazy in my case but more about time management. This is not a good thing as we become much more reclusive talking to our computers & smart phones instead of real people connections.

If you use online sites in the right way to meet up with people or groups & are serious about finding a long term partner, it can be an amazing tool. I think it is especially wonderful for singles over 40 who have less venues to go to and have left the bar scene behind. There are many seniors who have been able to date again after losing a partner or a divorce which was difficult in the past. Where were they supposed to meet~ there are only so many seniors events. Online keyboard dating heart

In answer to your question MMG, it is always best to meet someone in a “face to face” environment and the most preferable method. Social media had made it possible to connect the easy way but it doesn’t show you the whole dimension of someone. “The eyes are the window to your soul” and tell a lot about a person which you can’t see from a computer dating profile. Don’t forget how to talk to people you come in contact with on a daily basis & keep the art of personal communication alive. We have the best of both worlds right now and need to use them both wisely!

Thanks for your Question ❤

Sybersue

You Never Know What You Will Find On A Craigslist Job Post ~Interview Host For Independent Film ~ Heart Of Dance

Like most of us out there trying to pursue our dreams & career passions, we can all relate to the constant Craigslist creeping that we do on a daily basis. Depending on what job section you are searching in, it can be a tad depressing with what is out there. Many of the postings in the entertainment/talent section are all asking for people to work for no pay. As frustrating as that is, occasionally there will be one that stands out regardless. I found “that Ad” and submitted my information to them. Believe it or not, there are still lineups for these non-paying Gigs and people are more than willing to do these jobs strictly for the experience and resume status. (Those are the people who are passionate about what they do and what they want to achieve.)

Fortunately (or unfortunately) most of us do choose our careers and have no one to blame but ourselves with that choice. If we are unhappy or always complaining that someone makes more money than us or has a more exciting job, we need to alter our thinking or move into another direction. Saying that, I have been asked many times why I am pursuing my goal of having my own Talk Show, when I am making very little money at it and haven’t for over 6 years? People think I am crazy and sometimes I believed they were right & I asked myself if I was making a mistake quitting my full time job as a flight attendant to give 100% to my Show. Sometimes the negative comments do weigh on you & take a toll on your self esteem. So what keeps me going and pushing beyond the constant barriers I face in this Broadcasting/Entertainment Industry?

Loving what I do and occasionally getting a break from someone who likes what I am doing!

I applied for a Interview Hosting job for an Independent Film called “Heart Of Dance.” I spoke with the young woman who wrote the script & is also starring as the Lead Actor. I was blown away by her wealth of knowledge & resume statistics for her age! Scarlett Bruns is definitely an old soul and is here on this earth to leave a caring & charitable message to all of those lucky enough to come in contact with her. I am one of those…

The film “Heart of Dance” is to raise awareness for Bulimia and Anorexia in teens.

“Bruns Family Productions is supporting Looking Glass Foundation For Eating Disorders by creating a very meaningful feature film to help teens across North America who suffer from eating disorders.”

Check out the website http://www.heartofdancemovie.com

This movie project has brought much interest & support from numerous Actors & Crew who are all involved on a volunteer basis due to the film content & the need to bring awareness to this ongoing illness. I am proud to be chosen to be a part of this and I am happy I answered that Craigslist Ad. Sometimes life is not about what you get but more about what you can give.

I am looking forward to meeting all the people who are a part of this film and applaud their efforts and time involved from their personal lives to make this happen. It is so refreshing to see people care, in what has become a self absorbed world. It is reasons like this, that keep me believing in the goodness of people and in myself as well. THAT is what keeps me pushing towards my goals with each passing day.

~Hope to see everyone at the Silent Auction Fundraiser on June 5th @ The Blarney Stone in Gastown~
(Details on the the blog photo at the top of this page)

Susan McCord @ youtube.com/twobeavers

TV Interview: Dating Advice For Men & Women Over 40

Men & women are always complaining that there is no one to date after the age of 40. There is someone for everyone and we have to get this negativity out of our heads. Relationships breakup at all ages & everyone deserves to have love in their lives. It doesn’t end because you hit a certain age. Life begins at 40 so why would love not be a part of the equation?

Putting out to the Universe that you deserve to be happy & have a partner to share your life with, will help you to achieve that. If you want to attract love into your life, you have to open to receive it. Closing yourself off to and not being receptive, will keep you lonely forever. Have you ever asked yourself why other people always seem to have a partner? The answer is because they embrace the idea & believe they are worthy of it. It is really that simple but humans are complicated creatures. We spend our lives sabotaging the things we desire the most. Knowing this, is half the battle & will change our life direction when we are honest with ourselves & make the changes.

~Go for what you want & believe you deserve it. The rest will happen & eventually flow into place~

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dating & Socializing In Vancouver

Breathtaking mountains surrounded by numerous beaches make Vancouver, British Columbia one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Numerous restaurants and coffee shops line the popular and trendy sections of the downtown core. There are approximately 2,500,000 million people living in the lower mainland of Vancouver of all ethnicities, which adds to the variations of excellent cuisine and culture!

Saying all that, the dating life in Vancouver is a conversation discussed regularly by the locals and visitors alike. (or lack of it!) What seems to be the problem? Canadians as a rule are more reserved than Americans or Europeans and for that reason alone, do not meet people easily in their own city. Traveling Canadians are seen as friendly and have a wonderful reputation throughout the world. Maybe this is due to the fact that people are more assertive when they are not being judged in their own environment. What do they have to lose? (Vancouver is known to newly relocated people as a cliquee city where it is difficult to meet friends, let alone a date. This has to change~)

Single people living in Vancouver are at a loss of where to meet someone and where to go out at night. (Which makes online dating so popular here.) There are areas that definitely cater the younger crowd like downtown on Granville St. but there are a few venues to hang out and not feel like a desperate lounge lizard for men and women over 35. There is nothing wrong with going to the lounge of a restaurant and having a drink. Sitting at the bar is easier to meet others and start up a conversation. Carderos in Coal Harbour and the Sandbar Restaurant on Granville Island are two of these establishments. Joe Fortes, near the hub of Robson Street is also a very popular hangout, especially in the warmer months when the beautiful roof top deck is open. Earl’s on Broadway & Fir as well as Joey’s on Burrard St. have amazing bar areas that are nicely congested with an open concept, as well as the new Keg in Yaletown. (Great deck there too!)

Mingling is the key to conversation. When trying to meet someone, do not seclude yourself in a booth at the back of a restaurant, choose an open environment. Going out in a group is intimidating to the opposite sex, try to avoid that scenario. It is very high school~ Smile at the people you come in contact and don’t be afraid to say “hi.” (Hanging around the washrooms handing out toiletries might work faster though in Vancouver.) At the very least be receptive to everyone who makes the effort to acknowledge you. Being too selective with your social contacts, may end up being the demise to your dating life. You have to make an EFFORT. Ladies who wait for the man to always be assertive, will have a lot less suitors than the ones who acknowledge men occasionally. Many men need encouragement before they are comfortable to approach a woman. You don’t have to go sit on his lap but smile or say hello when you walk by him. A simple gesture that works wonders…

“You never know when you are being observed. Snubbing someone rudely because they are not your type could end up being a friend of the one you are attracted to”

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Are You Addicted To Online Dating Or Afraid Of It?

Many people only date through online resources. This is mainly due to age, time and busy careers. (You don’t even have to dress for the occasion unless you’re socializing with them through a Web cam.) It is almost too easy, and this is what causes the addiction. It can be very exciting for some people who have always had a minimal personal life. All of a sudden they are getting 5 to10 e-mails a day from prospective dates!

The addiction is not necessarily even with meeting the contacts. Even if you do end up meeting them, many people do not want to take their profiles off the dating site, in case it doesn’t work out. Many are content to just chat online. This can keep people interested for a few months without ever meeting them because that is all they want. This should be viewed as a Red Flag. (They are probably married or in a relationship.)

Another ongoing situation with “Internet Dating”, is how often people get contacted by some of the same interests as their friends. It can be very difficult to hear how their date went, when yours may be scheduled in the next week with the same person. It sounds like they are being disloyal but truly they aren’t. It is “all fair” until you remove yourself off the site, and become exclusive with them. It is still hard to take though, regardless of how much you are aware of the rules.

Just because this form of dating seems easy, you should still have the same morals and values you have always had. Don’t let too many things go, or give excuses for everything either. Know what “you want” going in. Make a list and try not to stray too far from your desires. When someone is into you, they will make it happen without you questioning it.

9 SIGNS YOU ARE ADDICTED:

• The minute you get home you turn on your computer
• You socialize less with friends
• You eat your meals, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth and do yoga in front of the computer so you don’t miss anything.
• You check to see when your “past” dates are going online
• You are going to bed later and later due to online chats
• You are becoming moody with regards to lack of online responses
• You get depressed when there are no contacts every day
• You are becoming introverted and removed.
• You have approached the same people more than once without realizing it.

Online dating is a great option especially with the economy spiraling and people not going out as much. Meeting somone is harder when you are older, as there are only so many venues that cater to the over 35 crowd.

It is a good idea to limit yourself to only one dating site; some people are on three or more. The “free dating sites” are the most popular to join for obvious reasons. The trouble is everybody and their dog joins them, and they have nothing to lose financially. Many people are frustrated with those sites because no one follows through with anything. There are a few sites out there that cost a little more but they do the screening for you, and save you hours of chat time and searches. They match YOU up! People are more serious when they have to pay for something. The old saying: “you get what you pay for”, can be a true cliché in this case.

Don’t be shy of dating online, but keep your eyes open all the time. If any of the above addictions are becoming a part of your life, re-evaluate how you got to this place and make some changes. With so much to choose from and so many frivolous situations pending, it can be difficult to meet someone of substance. Being true to yourself and selective with your priorities in a potential partner, there won’t be a huge list of suitors to keep up with, but don’t let that deter you. It’s not about the quantity; it’s always been about quality when finding that special life partner at the end of the day. You don’t buy a house without inspecting the foundation do you?

Susan McCord http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers