Is shyness sabotaging your dating life? Does it keep you from going out and being sociable? There are ways to overcome this that can help you to meet a potential partner.
Despite what many people think, shyness isn’t about how you look, it is all about confidence! Self-esteem affects many men and women regardless of their physical appearance.
Beautiful people can be lonely too. I have coached numerous people of all ages who are very attractive but can’t get a date! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I truly think everyone is beautiful in their own way. We all have something to offer and we all deserve to be loved. The biggest fear for many shy people is not believing they deserve it!
Of course you do!
Shyness stems from something you learned early on in life which has programmed your thinking to become stuck in a cocoon of sorts. You don’t know how to break out of this introverted place and so you retreat even further into yourself as the years go by.
It’s time to break the pattern and get out of this lonely place of shyness!
We all have nagging demons that we internalize but that doesn’t mean we have to live with them. The options we have today are endless but the biggest part of this battle is making the effort to fix them.
You have to want to fix them!
It is a lot of work to delve into the core of who you are and you may not want to re-live how you got here in the first place!
Life is all about continual lessons and the sooner we learn how to move on from them the sooner our world becomes an easier and happier place to be.
When you really think about it, wouldn’t it be easier to take some time to deal with your issues than to hold onto them for an eternity? How will that enhance your life by burying your problems?
Do you think that being shy is a safe place to put yourself because you can use that as an excuse on why you can’t do certain things? Isn’t that boring, doing the same things all the time because of the fear of putting yourself out there?
You don’t have to be a crazy extrovert but being a fun person to be around is a good thing and makes people gravitate towards you. Shyness can be a very lonesome existence and is that what you really want or do you want to open up your world a little bit more?
It’s never too late to do some work on yourself, please watch the video above. Sybersue ❤
I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life. Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.
Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other!
Not too long ago a friend of mine was publicly reprimanded by a male radio host for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way.
Why do we do this to each other and why are some men and women so damn angry?
People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people!
Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become negatively embedded into your mind.
The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is because both men and women lack ideas or creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date. It also has a lot to do with self-esteem and fear of rejection as well.
The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario.
Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)
Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available at night clubs.
Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it also gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive hangout for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely and the pattern continues.
Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:
If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to what their profile says & notice any red flags with their pictures. Photos really are worth a thousand words on most online dating sites and many people choose to ignore these obvious signs!
Don’t get caught up and blinded by a person’s status! These are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type. These people usually frequent the same establishments and word travels fast. Do you really want to be known as a groupie? (You may not even be aware that you have this reputation.)
Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. They are usually pretty easy to spot so keep your eyes open and observe. Body language is also a dead giveaway.
Don’t allow yourself to be the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
People who only date the perfect & beautiful types. Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.
External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.
Finding true love should not be abusive or emotionally painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.
If you classify yourself as a certain “type” or that you only like a certain type of person, you will be forever stuck in repetitive scenarios. Fear can be a powerful relationship suppressor, so be cognizant of forming any patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of what may or may not happen.
Challenge those internal demons as to why you don’t feel worthy of having love in your life.
If you don’t have the strength to get out of reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.)
Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance. Everyone deserves love!
Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:
Golf driving range or at an Executive Par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there. (Unless of course you are a great player!)
Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
Any mingle social event or lounge (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women attending who have similar interests as you. That way you already have something in common.
Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.
The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship.
Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up!
You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It’s totally your decision and no one else.
We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.
Be open & ready to receive a loving partnership into your life. ❤
Regardless of whether you are in a relationship or just dating at the moment, these tips are something to implement into your sex-life.
Many of us forget about the little things that we loved about each other when we first met & we become complacent within our relationships. This is not something to be taken lightly and nurturing the love between you & your partner should be a top priority on a daily basis.
Taking each other for granted is one of the top reasons for the divorce statistics today.
You chose each other for a reason ~ don’t forget why. Keep things fresh & alive by continually adding new special memories within your relationship. You wouldn’t stop loving & nurturing your children, so put in the same energy with loving your partner.
Women love romance and if a man knows how to be romantic, he will be able to sensuously lure his lady into the bedroom without persistence. Men love regular sex so this is a win/win situation!
50 Sex Tips & Intimate Suggestions to Keep Your Relationship Strong:
1. Both sexes need to keep sex fresh and alive! Don’t be predictable!
2. Men like women who are willing to explore new things between the sheets & who initiate sex as well.
3. Women like massage/candles/soft words and a man who caresses them. (They do not like to be to be groped or men who are constantly aggressive!)
4. Men love lingerie and a woman who enjoys wearing it. (They also like sexual surprises when out for the evening. Many men find it very sexy when he knows what his lady is wearing or “not” wearing under her outfit.
5. Booze-less sex is better than a drunken session. The senses are more alive when sober! (And you actually remember you had sex!)
6. Daytime sex is the best scenario for both genders. Sex after 9pm becomes a quick expected routine & not always as arousing because everyone is tired from their busy day.
7. A little naughty talk in the bedroom is alluring for both sexes!
8. Send phone sex messages during the work day. (If you call them at the office ensure the speaker phone is off!)
9. Always listen to what your partner says they like during sex.
10. Don’t ignore men’s nipples.
11. Pick up on their desires in & out of the bedroom & use it to your advantage.
12. The smallest romantic gestures will increase your odds of better sex or at least getting it once in a while. Head nods towards the bedroom are not considered foreplay.
13. Try new positions. Don’t become a “vanilla sex” creature of habit in the bedroom.
14. Wear cologne or body cream lightly & do not forget the deodorant! You may not think you need it but trust me most people do!
15. Learn how to read each other’s emotions & feelings so you know when they are in the mood for love or at least how you can help get them in the mood.
16. Be aware of their body language. Know when something is not right
17. Light Candles. Hold hands when you are sitting beside from them on the coach and talk with them about things they are interested in. Show them you really care about their life.
18. Ladies; after your man gets home from work, bring him a drink or the remote control for half an hour. He needs time to unwind quietly for a bit and is ready not a deep conversation. Or sit together and chat lightly about other things that aren’t stressful.
19. Men: after your orgasm sex is NOT over!
20. Scream out during sex once in awhile let the neighbors know you are not that boring couple after all.
21. Sex is not just penetration!
22. Don’t ask someone if they would like to have sex! Be creative and lure them into the bedroom.
23. Shave! That goes for both sexes; do a little landscaping.
24. Sexting is great foreplay!
25. Complement your partner & make them feel good about themselves which gives them confidence that you find them attractive. Body image is very important, especially for women.
26. Don’t wear flannel pajamas, curlers or eye shades to bed or around the house for the matter.
27. Shave her legs or paint her toenails once in awhile ~ wax his unibrow or give him a foot massage.
28. Wash his/her hair or other pampering things Mom used to do.
29. Dress sexy for them, even at home.
30. Dental hygiene; floss, whiten and keep your breath fresh! Yellow teeth are a huge turn off and get worse with age, be preventative before it happens.
31. Get rid of granny panties & tighty whities!
32. Tell each other what you like & want in bed. Guide each other with your hands. Don’t just lie there like a starfish.
33. Men love women who actually enjoy giving oral sex and don’t just do it on their Birthday because it is expected. The same goes with oral sex for women. It makes us more comfortable & relaxed when our man enjoys it. (Don’t forget to eat a little pineapple!)
34. Think ahead romantically for special occasions.
35. Sexual confidence is a turn on for both sexes!
36. Take your time during sex; don’t be in a rush for the finish line or happy ending!
37. Find their erogenous zones and work them, especially if you want them to get in the mood before your bedroom liaison.
38. Don’t assume that one orgasm is all they are good for. (That goes for men too, ladies.)
39. Have sex outside the bedroom.
40. Make-out on the couch, elevator or in the car like a teenager if you have been together for a while.
41. Tell them often that you love them & want them. Don’t assume they know.
42. Be respectful of each other’s time. Late for a date probably means you won’t get laid that night!
43. Valentine’s Day is a reminder of “romance for dummies” so make other days special for no reason other than you care about them.
44. Don’t be afraid to be a mush-ball occasionally. Let down your conservative guard and really show your soft emotional side. It makes the other person feel special when you show a little vulnerability.
45. Have a naughty “pet name” for them in the privacy of your bedroom.
46. Read or watch something sexy together to spice things up if you feel like your sex life is becoming repetitive.
47. Take turns planning weekly date nights. Be creative! It also keeps you focused on your partner during the time you are prepping for the big night.
48. Never be too busy for your partner! Take their calls, text them throughout the day, make their favorite meal, bring home little gifts once in awhile and always remember dates on the calendar that are important to them.
49. Kiss them deeply every day, hug them constantly and always get up to greet each other when they come home. Constantly connecting with your partner through “touch” will always keep you close as a couple.
50. Take sexy vacations or mini holidays to refresh your sexual desires for one another. Getting away from the daily routine at home puts you into a different space where you can relax. Make sure there is a double bathtub or hot tub in the hotel where you can share a glass of wine & candlelight together.
Love is like a full time job and the relationships that last for many years are the ones that were nurtured and prioritized above all other life expectations.
The grass is seldom greener on the other side so don’t walk away from a salvageable situation because you didn’t make every effort possible to be a loving partner. Never forget how to love them or why you fell for them in the beginning. Cherish every moment together and never become complacent.
It really only takes a few minutes a day to remind your partner why you love them…<3
I always seem to meet lying and manipulative girls who treat me like shit even though I’m a great guy.
Why is that?
I recently gave the same girl 3 different chances to stop treating me like crap, yet she was soon back to her old ways. This has happened numerous times with other women I have dated. I don’t understand girls, why are they all like this?
In the video above, my guest Co-host Andrea Wesley & I talk about another big dating problem; “Ghosting!” Why has this become such an issue in the online dating world?
For those people still learning what this new millennial phrase actually means; it is basically being a “no show” or “standing someone up” on a date! OK, so in my day back in the dinosaur dating era it did happen once in awhile, but not anywhere near to the extent that it is happening now!
What does this do to a person’s self esteem when having to constantly deal with being blown off without even a text as to why? I can see why so many men and women are fed up with dating today! There is lack of commitment and lack of sincerity and let’s not even talk about major trust issues building up in everyone.
Why is basic everyday etiquette becoming a rare occurrence? How are we going to change this before dating becomes obsolete?
What do you think we should do to prevent this from continuing?
I talk to many men via my blog and advice column about numerous topics relating to women, dating and relationships. The biggest complaint I hear is “It’s hard to meet women and they don’t give me the time of day!”
When I speak to women about this frustration from men they profusely disagree that this is not true.
Well… I can tell you that I have witnessed this behavior from a fair amount of ladies at different venues in various cities in North America and especially in Vancouver B.C. where I live! I honestly think that some women don’t realize how standoffish they can appear to others when they are out for the evening.
Body language tells a big story to the audience that’s watching.
Many guys tell me that they receive very little response back from their brave hello to women; unless of course they are the ultimate “bad boy” chick magnet! (But then they are not the ones complaining!)
Ladies I know there are some real dicks out there and that the majority of you are not ALL cold and unresponsive to men, but if dating is ever going to change you have to start being nice to guys who are pleasant and who acknowledge you. They don’t have to fit the criteria on your checklist.
A kind smile and a friendly hello doesn’t mean you have to date them! It’s called human “face to face” connection and something that is becoming obsolete these days!
Women say that men only care about hooking up and having sex. “They are not interested in a long term partnership!” While I have met many guys who do fit this description; I disagree that the majority of men do not ever want a committed relationship.
Men have told me that after so much rejection from women today, they just finally gave up looking for anything realand started to make it only about sex; as women seem to be OK giving that to them early on! (Maybe women need to talk about this with each other???)
I enjoy being around men; I understand men and I have often said I am coming back in my next life as a man! My girlfriends think I am out of my mind bat sh*t crazy. “Why would you ever want to be a guy?”
Because…it would be a nice change. 😉
Men get to be who they are without a lot of high maintenance daily rituals; as there are less expectations when it comes to physical appearance. They get to be strong minded without being labeled as a bitch. They can have sex with numerous women without being called any derogatory names. Men get to stand up to pee (so jealous!) and they can have a fight with their buddy & 10 minutes later have a beer together as if nothing has happened. All is forgiven and not held onto for an eternity! Women never forget and tend to hold grudges.
Don’t get me wrong; being a woman is pretty cool and definitely has many wonderful perks but I could do without some of nature’s gifts on the emotional and biological side. And yes…we can be bitches especially in Vancouver I am told!
OK…we understand that each gender has unique qualities; so why can’t men and women just accept the differences and get on with their lives instead of continually pointing fingers about what they don’t like about one another?
Why are we fighting each other and repelling in the opposite direction of ever having a loving partnership?
Why is the Millennium one of the loneliest eras in relationship history? Is it because we think we can always do better and that our picky & judgemental ways are making every date a one night disaster?
When did wearing the wrong color socks or having fat ankles become a relationship deal breaker?
Why did the word ghosting become a regular habit in the dating arena? When did we become so rude by not showing up for a planned date because we were playing games & never intended to actually follow through with it, or because someone or something better came up!
Why have we lost all concern for human etiquette and respecting each others time and efforts?
Why are there so many angry comments from men about women on social media sites?
You don’t have to follow everyone else who has taken on some of these negative behaviors and you can stand out by not taking part in these ongoing endless rants about what isn’t transpiring between men and women!
Don’t let yourself fall into the pessimism of what isn’t working!
How does complaining about each other make things any better? Why would you ever give up on something an important as LOVE? I know things are repetitively annoying out there in the dating world but there are ways to change it.
You can start by putting the damn phone away. How can you possibly interact with anyone when your head is constantly positioned downwards? Your body language shows up as removed and far too busy to notice people around you.
If you want to have a relationship one day down the road you are going to have to resort to…wait for it…Eye contact!
I know righhht?
It’s actually not that difficult to fix this problem but I am starting to think everyone gets more empowerment from complaining about each other, then believing that there is someone amazing out there for them.
When people have been very hurt from a breakup or feel rejected; fear takes over and becomes the growing root of their loneliness. These pessimistic thoughts are dominating their path; therefore inhibiting and sabotaging their chance to be able find a loving partnership.
“You Must Believe to Achieve.” ❤
10 Simple Things to Think About to Help Change the Dynamics between Men & Women:
Don’t turn your nose up at anyone who acknowledges you!
Smile at people you are in close contact with at restaurants, at the gym or any social outing you are attending.
Only use your phone for important messages when out for the evening! Stop with the selfie crap!
Do not judge someone without even speaking to them.
Make a point of having a small conversation with at least 3 people every time you go out. It will start to become a natural occurrence and also make others feel special & comfortable.
Do not put anyone on the spot by asking personal questions about them. Be original!
Do not have any expectations about them buying you a drink or dinner!
Be interesting & fun! People are always observing from across the room and gravitate towards a positive personality.
If someone asks you out on a date and you are not interested; be polite and respectful with your answer. Never give someone your number when you have no desire to see them again.
Regardless of past hurt, it’s not just about you and what you want in your life. Make sure any conversations are a reciprocated scenario.
PS: Ladies if you need some help getting out of a dating slump/pattern or over a breakup or divorce come and join us every 2nd Tuesday in Kitsilano at my Single Women Meetup Group!
This is a question we should all ask ourselves and maybe our partner as well. If you don’t want to hear the answer, chances are, you may not be.
Becoming a good lover starts from wanting to be.
Have you ever noticed how some people just ooze sensuality by the way they walk, talk, dress, their mannerisms & body language? By showing this sexual confidence, there is a very good chance they are in tune to the sensuous side of themselves!
That is not to say that quiet introverted types are boring in bed, it may just take more work to find out in the initial stages upon meeting them.
Many people are attracted to the trailer of a movie before seeing it and assume it will be an amazing film! We all know that is not always the case!
It is really important to learn how to talk to your partner about sex before you get between the sheets. We all have different needs & preferences which may or may not be of interest to the other person. Many things can be learned about one another when the questions are relayed gently & diplomatically without the pressure of nudity.
If someone is into S&M, fantasy role playing, threesomes or fetishes, it is sex etiquette 101 to tell your partner beforehand. Blindsiding them with your Zorro cape & whip or latex suit in the bedroom may not be the best idea.
How does a person comfortably bring up “Sex” in a conversation when they are getting to know someone?
• Some people will not agree with me on this but do not discuss sex on the first date! Get to know if you even like who they are first.
• Kiss them first before any sexual discussions begins ~ you have to like “how” they kiss to want to move to the next level.
• Ask them what is important to them romantically.
• Tell them where some of your erogenous zones are before you actually have sex together. (Other than the obvious areas of course!)
• Send them an email or text with a sexy message.
• Tease them with tasteful flirtatious comments when you are not in a private intimate setting. Make them want you.
• Ask them what is most important to them in a sexual relationship.
• Tell them what you desire most in the bedroom ~ what makes you feel special.
• Watch their body language when discussing sex ~ is it tense or relaxed? How can you make this a comfortable place for them to want to be?
• Start slowly with the questions & know when to back off. Being too aggressive is not a turn on and can have quite the opposite affect!
Why do some people seem to have an easier time with sexual discussions?
Self confidence is a big attraction for both sexes so the more attention & dating experience you receive, will help build your self esteem to even higher levels. Insecurity is the main reason for many relationships not getting to the next phase because nervousness will keep you from being relaxed “to ask or answer the questions.” This takes time to develop so don’t be hard on yourself if discussing sex isn’t in your comfort zone right away. There are many dating coaches that can help you with this.
Have you ever noticed how “happy people” seem to have a little swagger in their presence? That is because they are usually having regular sex. Disgruntled people are often void of sexual release & could even be feeling very lonely. It can become a repetitive cycle because the negativity worsens with each passing month of a sexless existence. (It would be great if we could just walk up & sniff out our lover like the animal kingdom, but the human population is much more complicated than that. ;))
Here is an honest question to ask yourself; Do you like sex?
If you are not really interested in sex and just do it once in awhile to make your partner happy, you will definitely need to alter “your thinking.” So many men and women make this mistake & wonder why their partner doesn’t want to come home to them or eventually takes on a lover! Find out what has turned you off liking sex and try to fix the problem.
Ignoring it is not going improve your relationship or your everyday moral. Sex is a feel good part of life and when it is removed, you lose a part of yourself with it. How many times have you heard people say: “She/he needs to get laid?” ~ It’s because they usually do!
Questions to ask “yourself” about your bedroom antics:
• Are you an initiator?
• How secure are you with your body?
• Do you show your partner you are enjoying sex?
• Can your partner tell when you have an orgasm?
• Are you adventurous or repetitive?
• Do you vary the location or prefer sex only in the bedroom?
• Do you make eye contact when making love?
• Do you think “head nods” towards the bedroom are foreplay?
• Are you a communicator in bed? Light moans can be enticing and let your partner know you are enjoying it.
• How loud are you in bed? Do they cover your mouth or put a pillow over your head?
• Are you too quick to climax, too slow or have trouble achieving an orgasm?
• Do you enjoy oral sex or are you uncomfortable about it and don’t like to participate?
• How routine are you in the bedroom & are you open to change?
Answering these questions truthfully can help you understand if you are a good lover or that you may need to spice things up in the bedroom. Practicing them regularly will not only improve your sex life it will make your partner want to run home to you. It will put a spring in your step and will also put one in theirs! ❤
An active sex life is the key to a long & healthy relationship. Ask an older couple who has been married for many years what their secret is & you can bet that their sex life has always been an active one. Romance is also the remedy to staying young. It may not keep you winkle free but it will always keep a smile on your face with each approaching year.