How do you explain to your ex that you cannot be friends while they date the person they cheated on you with? (Original post on Quora)
Susan McCord, Susan McCord is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Talk Show Host &Published Author
I noticed how you said “while” they date the person they cheated on you with. Why would you want to be friends with a man that has no respect for you, whether he is with this woman or not? We all get that forgiveness is a part of healing, but it doesn’t mean you have to be friends or keep him in your life after he blatantly cheated on you.
He wants to be friends with you because it helps him relieve his guilt but that has nothing to do with your feelings, it’s about him. He also may be keeping you in the background in case he wants to rekindle something later on or keep the new girl feeling insecure.
Hurtful relationships are the stepping stones to a better place, but first you have to learn the lessons as to why you were with someone.
What did you learn about your time with them?
Was there something about yourself that needed to be woken up?
What attracted you towards him in the beginning?
Are you drawn to bad boys?
Were you shown love as a child?
Do you base a relationship primarily on how much sexual chemistry you have with them?
Was he with someone else when you met him?
The red flags are usually right in front of us early on in a relationship but many people choose to ignore them. He did you a favor by showing you his true colors and the more often you remove yourself from people who hurt you or use you, the sooner you will meet the people who should be in your life.
Oh and by the way… you do not have to explain anything to him. His actions towards you said it all.
Give your energy & love to people who appreciate you. ❤
I did this video a short time ago that you may want to see about relationships.
“Love Gone Wrong Could be Something you Needed to Learn about Yourself”
Dear Sybersue answers a popular question from men on her advice column!
They want to know why women are not authentic with their feelings and play so many pretentious games on the first few dates!
Men are confused and getting fed up with dating games of the millennium! “Why don’t women just say what they really mean? Do they think that by playing “hot & cold” it will keep the guy interested?”
That’s another question…How does a guy know if she is even interested in him???
There are way too many mixed signals going on! Both men and women need to just be themselves and stop with this push/pull scenario that is happening out there. The women are also complaining that the men act interested only until they get a woman between the sheets! Some women say this is one of the reasons they are pulling back from men.
Unfortunately this isn’t the answer and if you want a real relationship you have to be real! Stop with the games and show your date “the fun side” of the person that you are. If you can’t be your authentic self then maybe you’re not ready to date. That goes for both sexes!
Please leave your comments below if you have some great answers to this question! 🙂
A funny Christmas Parody (Jingle Bell Rock) about Marijuana with two girls singing a duet in Santa elf wear. Talk show host Susan McCord wrote the special lyrics. (There was no actual BC bud in the making of the video!!!…but there was BC wine & dry ice!
The Lyrics are below.
Jingle Bell Parody Using BC Bud
Jingle bell, jingle bell, we’re getting high,
Smoking a bong, and wondering why,
We’re getting hungry and think we’re so fun
It’s than damn BC Bud again….
Marijuana, Marijuana, smoked everywhere
But cigarettes smoked, will get you jail time,
The rules are bazaar but the cops seem to not care
Unless you’re dealing here…
Hydroponics, Special Home grown
Vancouver… has it all
We smoked just two tokes but we’re messed up
Eating and laughing is all we can do…
Giddy up, sit up, attempting to walk
It’s enough to just try to talk…
Our mouth is dry and can’t feel our feet
That’s the BC Bud…
That’s the BC Bud
That’s the damn BC Buddddddddd
So many men and women are upset with how lonely they feel due to the problems they are having with meeting a potential partner.
People are giving up on having a relationship because they have stopped believing that unconditional love exists.
Unrealistic checklists have replaced courtship because if you don’t fit everything on someones list you’re out of the running after the first text message. (You don’t even get to meet them in person!)
Things need to change in a big way with the dating drought in the millennium and maybe we need to go back to doing things the old fashioned way?
Unfortunately one of the biggest problems is men are fed up being rejected when they do ask a woman out in a social setting. So…maybe if things aren’t working, it’s time for the ladies to ask the men out!
Guys have always had the pressure of being the pursuer and are tired of having to be the one who makes the first move. Dating has become a big problem because of this.
Men are confused and women are frustrated that their dating life is becoming non-existent.
When a woman gives a man a little encouragement it goes a long way. When she smiles or says “hi” first, it gives him the OK that she is interested. Many guys aren’t sure if they are put in a “friend zone” or if there is potential for a romantic relationship.
Ladies: times have changed and if you want to meet someone to have a partnership with you need to make an effort.
We can’t demand equal rights and then contradict ourselves by not partaking in being more assertive when it comes to asking out someone on a date.
Waiting for someone to contact you and trying to meet that perfect man online or on a dating app is probably not going to get you the love you desire in your life. How is is working so far?
If you want something bad enough why sit back and wait?
Doesn’t it make more sense to take a chance and make a move to get his attention? You know what you like so don’t let a great chance pass you by when there is an attraction to someone. You may never see them again and regret not saying something.
Don’t make your life full of “what ifs!”
I can promise you men will be flattered you took a chance on them. So what if you find out they are in a relationship or not available for another reason. Try again with someone else!
Men have had to deal with this for hundreds of years and maybe it is time we make it a little easier on them and ourselves.
If you are sitting home night after night and feeling more alone than ever, it’s time to make a change. Go out and get what you want ladies because you are in charge of who you attract into your life.
Don’t wait for a guy to come and knock on your door…go knock on his door! ❤
Regardless of whether you are in a relationship or just dating at the moment, these tips are something to implement into your sex-life.
Many of us forget about the little things that we loved about each other when we first met & we become complacent within our relationships. This is not something to be taken lightly and nurturing the love between you & your partner should be a top priority on a daily basis.
Taking each other for granted is one of the top reasons for the divorce statistics today.
You chose each other for a reason ~ don’t forget why. Keep things fresh & alive by continually adding new special memories within your relationship. You wouldn’t stop loving & nurturing your children, so put in the same energy with loving your partner.
Women love romance and if a man knows how to be romantic, he will be able to sensuously lure his lady into the bedroom without persistence. Men love regular sex so this is a win/win situation!
50 Sex Tips & Intimate Suggestions to Keep Your Relationship Strong:
1. Both sexes need to keep sex fresh and alive! Don’t be predictable!
2. Men like women who are willing to explore new things between the sheets & who initiate sex as well.
3. Women like massage/candles/soft words and a man who caresses them. (They do not like to be to be groped or men who are constantly aggressive!)
4. Men love lingerie and a woman who enjoys wearing it. (They also like sexual surprises when out for the evening. Many men find it very sexy when he knows what his lady is wearing or “not” wearing under her outfit.
5. Booze-less sex is better than a drunken session. The senses are more alive when sober! (And you actually remember you had sex!)
6. Daytime sex is the best scenario for both genders. Sex after 9pm becomes a quick expected routine & not always as arousing because everyone is tired from their busy day.
7. A little naughty talk in the bedroom is alluring for both sexes!
8. Send phone sex messages during the work day. (If you call them at the office ensure the speaker phone is off!)
9. Always listen to what your partner says they like during sex.
10. Don’t ignore men’s nipples.
11. Pick up on their desires in & out of the bedroom & use it to your advantage.
12. The smallest romantic gestures will increase your odds of better sex or at least getting it once in a while. Head nods towards the bedroom are not considered foreplay.
13. Try new positions. Don’t become a “vanilla sex” creature of habit in the bedroom.
14. Wear cologne or body cream lightly & do not forget the deodorant! You may not think you need it but trust me most people do!
15. Learn how to read each other’s emotions & feelings so you know when they are in the mood for love or at least how you can help get them in the mood.
16. Be aware of their body language. Know when something is not right
17. Light Candles. Hold hands when you are sitting beside from them on the coach and talk with them about things they are interested in. Show them you really care about their life.
18. Ladies; after your man gets home from work, bring him a drink or the remote control for half an hour. He needs time to unwind quietly for a bit and is ready not a deep conversation. Or sit together and chat lightly about other things that aren’t stressful.
19. Men: after your orgasm sex is NOT over!
20. Scream out during sex once in awhile let the neighbors know you are not that boring couple after all.
21. Sex is not just penetration!
22. Don’t ask someone if they would like to have sex! Be creative and lure them into the bedroom.
23. Shave! That goes for both sexes; do a little landscaping.
24. Sexting is great foreplay!
25. Complement your partner & make them feel good about themselves which gives them confidence that you find them attractive. Body image is very important, especially for women.
26. Don’t wear flannel pajamas, curlers or eye shades to bed or around the house for the matter.
27. Shave her legs or paint her toenails once in awhile ~ wax his unibrow or give him a foot massage.
28. Wash his/her hair or other pampering things Mom used to do.
29. Dress sexy for them, even at home.
30. Dental hygiene; floss, whiten and keep your breath fresh! Yellow teeth are a huge turn off and get worse with age, be preventative before it happens.
31. Get rid of granny panties & tighty whities!
32. Tell each other what you like & want in bed. Guide each other with your hands. Don’t just lie there like a starfish.
33. Men love women who actually enjoy giving oral sex and don’t just do it on their Birthday because it is expected. The same goes with oral sex for women. It makes us more comfortable & relaxed when our man enjoys it. (Don’t forget to eat a little pineapple!)
34. Think ahead romantically for special occasions.
35. Sexual confidence is a turn on for both sexes!
36. Take your time during sex; don’t be in a rush for the finish line or happy ending!
37. Find their erogenous zones and work them, especially if you want them to get in the mood before your bedroom liaison.
38. Don’t assume that one orgasm is all they are good for. (That goes for men too, ladies.)
39. Have sex outside the bedroom.
40. Make-out on the couch, elevator or in the car like a teenager if you have been together for a while.
41. Tell them often that you love them & want them. Don’t assume they know.
42. Be respectful of each other’s time. Late for a date probably means you won’t get laid that night!
43. Valentine’s Day is a reminder of “romance for dummies” so make other days special for no reason other than you care about them.
44. Don’t be afraid to be a mush-ball occasionally. Let down your conservative guard and really show your soft emotional side. It makes the other person feel special when you show a little vulnerability.
45. Have a naughty “pet name” for them in the privacy of your bedroom.
46. Read or watch something sexy together to spice things up if you feel like your sex life is becoming repetitive.
47. Take turns planning weekly date nights. Be creative! It also keeps you focused on your partner during the time you are prepping for the big night.
48. Never be too busy for your partner! Take their calls, text them throughout the day, make their favorite meal, bring home little gifts once in awhile and always remember dates on the calendar that are important to them.
49. Kiss them deeply every day, hug them constantly and always get up to greet each other when they come home. Constantly connecting with your partner through “touch” will always keep you close as a couple.
50. Take sexy vacations or mini holidays to refresh your sexual desires for one another. Getting away from the daily routine at home puts you into a different space where you can relax. Make sure there is a double bathtub or hot tub in the hotel where you can share a glass of wine & candlelight together.
Love is like a full time job and the relationships that last for many years are the ones that were nurtured and prioritized above all other life expectations.
The grass is seldom greener on the other side so don’t walk away from a salvageable situation because you didn’t make every effort possible to be a loving partner. Never forget how to love them or why you fell for them in the beginning. Cherish every moment together and never become complacent.
It really only takes a few minutes a day to remind your partner why you love them…<3
This is a question we should all ask ourselves and maybe our partner as well. If you don’t want to hear the answer, chances are, you may not be.
Becoming a good lover starts from wanting to be.
Have you ever noticed how some people just ooze sensuality by the way they walk, talk, dress, their mannerisms & body language? By showing this sexual confidence, there is a very good chance they are in tune to the sensuous side of themselves!
That is not to say that quiet introverted types are boring in bed, it may just take more work to find out in the initial stages upon meeting them.
Many people are attracted to the trailer of a movie before seeing it and assume it will be an amazing film! We all know that is not always the case!
It is really important to learn how to talk to your partner about sex before you get between the sheets. We all have different needs & preferences which may or may not be of interest to the other person. Many things can be learned about one another when the questions are relayed gently & diplomatically without the pressure of nudity.
If someone is into S&M, fantasy role playing, threesomes or fetishes, it is sex etiquette 101 to tell your partner beforehand. Blindsiding them with your Zorro cape & whip or latex suit in the bedroom may not be the best idea.
How does a person comfortably bring up “Sex” in a conversation when they are getting to know someone?
• Some people will not agree with me on this but do not discuss sex on the first date! Get to know if you even like who they are first.
• Kiss them first before any sexual discussions begins ~ you have to like “how” they kiss to want to move to the next level.
• Ask them what is important to them romantically.
• Tell them where some of your erogenous zones are before you actually have sex together. (Other than the obvious areas of course!)
• Send them an email or text with a sexy message.
• Tease them with tasteful flirtatious comments when you are not in a private intimate setting. Make them want you.
• Ask them what is most important to them in a sexual relationship.
• Tell them what you desire most in the bedroom ~ what makes you feel special.
• Watch their body language when discussing sex ~ is it tense or relaxed? How can you make this a comfortable place for them to want to be?
• Start slowly with the questions & know when to back off. Being too aggressive is not a turn on and can have quite the opposite affect!
Why do some people seem to have an easier time with sexual discussions?
Self confidence is a big attraction for both sexes so the more attention & dating experience you receive, will help build your self esteem to even higher levels. Insecurity is the main reason for many relationships not getting to the next phase because nervousness will keep you from being relaxed “to ask or answer the questions.” This takes time to develop so don’t be hard on yourself if discussing sex isn’t in your comfort zone right away. There are many dating coaches that can help you with this.
Have you ever noticed how “happy people” seem to have a little swagger in their presence? That is because they are usually having regular sex. Disgruntled people are often void of sexual release & could even be feeling very lonely. It can become a repetitive cycle because the negativity worsens with each passing month of a sexless existence. (It would be great if we could just walk up & sniff out our lover like the animal kingdom, but the human population is much more complicated than that. ;))
Here is an honest question to ask yourself; Do you like sex?
If you are not really interested in sex and just do it once in awhile to make your partner happy, you will definitely need to alter “your thinking.” So many men and women make this mistake & wonder why their partner doesn’t want to come home to them or eventually takes on a lover! Find out what has turned you off liking sex and try to fix the problem.
Ignoring it is not going improve your relationship or your everyday moral. Sex is a feel good part of life and when it is removed, you lose a part of yourself with it. How many times have you heard people say: “She/he needs to get laid?” ~ It’s because they usually do!
Questions to ask “yourself” about your bedroom antics:
• Are you an initiator?
• How secure are you with your body?
• Do you show your partner you are enjoying sex?
• Can your partner tell when you have an orgasm?
• Are you adventurous or repetitive?
• Do you vary the location or prefer sex only in the bedroom?
• Do you make eye contact when making love?
• Do you think “head nods” towards the bedroom are foreplay?
• Are you a communicator in bed? Light moans can be enticing and let your partner know you are enjoying it.
• How loud are you in bed? Do they cover your mouth or put a pillow over your head?
• Are you too quick to climax, too slow or have trouble achieving an orgasm?
• Do you enjoy oral sex or are you uncomfortable about it and don’t like to participate?
• How routine are you in the bedroom & are you open to change?
Answering these questions truthfully can help you understand if you are a good lover or that you may need to spice things up in the bedroom. Practicing them regularly will not only improve your sex life it will make your partner want to run home to you. It will put a spring in your step and will also put one in theirs! ❤
An active sex life is the key to a long & healthy relationship. Ask an older couple who has been married for many years what their secret is & you can bet that their sex life has always been an active one. Romance is also the remedy to staying young. It may not keep you winkle free but it will always keep a smile on your face with each approaching year.
Dear Sybersue answers a question from Concerned Sister about her older sister’s drinking habits!
She is concerned about her 24 year old sister Sandy and her weekend binge drinking! Concerned sister has to be responsible for sneaking her constantly drunk sister into the house late at night without their strict parents finding out. She had told Sandy that she has had it and is tired of having her own weekends ruined so she can babysit her older sister! It sickens her to see how destructive Sandy had become with her reputation among her friends and others who regularly see her in this condition.
She wants to know what Dear Sybersue would say to her!