Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?

Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?

What is wrong with me and why do I keep repeating these same dating patterns?

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Social media and computer dating is becoming the norm with how people interact these days. Mingle meet up groups are trying to make a comeback but people still seem to be stuck to their smart phones rather than being open to meeting in person!

People are lonelier than ever because of how some of these dating websites seem to attract superficial men and women who are just out to play games.

There are some happy endings that eventually transpire but why are there so many more stories that don’t work out?  Why do some people keep enticing a certain negative “type” into their existence,  which continually puts them back out into the dating pool?

If you have met a lot of these unfavorable types, you are doing something to attract them towards you.

Regardless of whether you believe in “The Law of Attraction” there is something to it. Negativity attracts negativity.  Everyone is entitled to finding love, but if you are always repeating the same unfulfilling scenario, how is it beneficial in the long run?

There are many women who only meet “Bad Boys” because they are allowing them to keep coming into their life. For some reason they think it is exciting to be treated like crap.

There are also men that only meet pretentious, materialistic hot women, because they are choosing “her looks” as the top priority.  The end result is both sexes are constantly complaining about each other!

Going for the same brand of person which keeps backfiring into a non-existent love life takes years for some people to figure out. “Changing the pattern will change who you meet.” As simple as that sounds it seems to be the biggest mistake men and women repeatedly make.

Why is that?

Many people react out of anger when something happens that is repetitive and unrewarding in their life. This annoying cycle continues because they don’t understand that they are in denial of their own actions!

When a person becomes jaded or angry about the same thing over and over again, wouldn’t it make sense to investigate why it is affecting them to that level?

I see it all the time on the comment section under some YouTube videos.  So many men and women continually vent their frustrations about the same subject, rather than learning how to deal with why it bothers them so much.

This is especially true regarding both sexes in the dating market. If something isn’t working, isn’t it a good idea to fix it rather than bitching about it to anyone who will listen?

No one wants to hear it except for a few others who are also angry about the same thing.  Misery loves company and saying that, I rest my case…negativity attracts more negativity.

Is it really easier to constantly complain about some things that cause drama in your life than to find a solution that betters your world?

We are all guilty of sounding like a broken record at some point in our lives but the people who quickly understand how dangerously repetitive this is, are the ones who move on to find happiness.

If your love-life sucks, be honest about the part you play in it.

I can’t stress enough that we are all in charge of how our lives evolve and that ultimately the choices we make are ours. Yes, we all land in the school of hard knocks while finding out who we are, but the sooner we learn and own the lesson, the faster we move on to a healthier foundation.

So stop repeating the same old story and quit talking about what you don’t want in your life. Talk about a future relationship like you won a lottery!  Think about all those wonderful things you would be able to do and how positive you would feel with less stress and more love in your life.

Thinking happy thoughts and keeping hope alive helps put out positive vibrations that eventually boomerang back towards you.

There is enough love out there for everyone and you deserve it just as much as anyone else does. You don’t ever have to settle for an unhealthy situation so quit allowing yourself to choose them. ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show

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Love and All That Jazz – Interview Dear Sybersue

Love and All That Jazz – Interview Dear Sybersue

 

Love and all that Jazz – Susan McCord

NAME:  Susan McCord aka Dear SyberSue

GENERATION:  Baby Boomer

SIGN:  Leo

OCCUPATION (S):  Dating /Relationship Coach, Talk Show Host, Published Author, Advice Columnist/Blogger. I also write for many other online platforms such as vocal.media and Mogul. I host a monthly support group for women who are dealing with divorce, self-esteem issues, getting over a long-term relationship, single mothers and getting back out into the dating market again!

LOCATION:  Vancouver, BC

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN YOUR LATTE?  Skim milk with cinnamon

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR STYLE:  

In the fall & winter months I am a jeans/leggings, boots and sweater girl. I collect coats of all shapes and colors! I probably need an intervention! I seem to have a lot of black and white outfits but I am really drawn to anything red or silver grey!

In the spring/summer months, I love to wear off the shoulder feminine blouses with capris or skirts and classy jumpsuits or gowns are my “go to” staple for events or evenings out. I am very social!

I am also a little bit Boho and have a closet full of flowy tops and long sleeveless dresses. I love chunky jewelry, big earrings and anything blingy which includes my phone case! I am not a follower and beat to my own fashion drum. 😉

THREE THINGS YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT?

  1. Some form of fitness such as hot yoga, spinning, hiking and weight training! I call this my cheap therapy because it keeps my mind clear for writing, gets me off the computer, keeps my weight somewhat in check and improves my health physically and emotionally. It clears the cobwebs so to speak!
  2. I can’t live without Love! My son and my husband are the loves of my life! I also love animals of all kinds and talk to every dog on the street! I’m actually not kidding.
  3. My colorist! I will be 95 years old and will always make time to go to the salon. What grey hair, it’s natural!

WHO/WHAT ARE YOUR INSPIRATIONS IN LIFE?  

I like that you offered the choice of what and not just who in this question. I didn’t really have a mentor growing up but I learned how to be a strong woman due to being given the role of big sister nurturer & housekeeper at home (5 kids) which basically took over my youth. I moved out at 17 and worked full time at a computer job and part-time at The Keg restaurant to support my rent and shoe fetish!

I guess you could say that Travel was my big inspiration in life.

Ever since I was 13 years old I had decided I wanted to be a flight attendant and made my dream happen at age 21. Flying around the world for 25 years is an education that you just can’t get from a book or classroom setting! You never stop learning! This also helped me understand men and women of all cultures & status in numerous countries. The one thing we all have in common is the need for love.

If I had to choose someone who was an inspiration I would say Betty White and Oprah (yes I know, cliché choice right?) Betty, because she lives life to the fullest, is funnier than anyone I know and hasn’t slowed down at the tender age of 96! Oprah; has she survived a lot of diversity & abuse and has taught so many people how to also overcome these traumatizing obstacles. She’s done a lot for others and gives so many people hope.

I also love George Clooney but that’s just because he’s hot and he’s my hall pass. (Wink wink)

WHEN DID YOU BECOME A DATING/RELATIONSHIP COACH AND WHY?

I have been asked for advice since I was a teenager! Maybe it was due to the mature role & responsibilities I had at home, or maybe I am a bit of an old soul who has been here way too many times?? Ha!

Connecting with others has always been easy for me as I am not a shy woman. I love to talk to people and I love to listen as well. Everyone has a story to share! I started a podcast back in 2004, (yes, way before there were podcasts!) and then eventually started My YouTube show in 2009!

By the time I was 28 I was married, divorced and a single mom of an 18-month-old boy. I had lots to deal with and the learning curve was a very long winding road! I had a lot to share with others going through a similar ordeal.

I have been writing since I was 10 years old so it was a natural progression to write my advice column, my book, and my dating/relationship blog. I have always taken courses over the years and became a certified coach 4 years ago. I enjoy helping people and I have done a lot of pro bono work over the years, but I needed to be able to pay my bills too!

WHAT QUESTIONS DO MOST OF YOUR YOUTUBE VIEWERS & CLIENTS ASK?

I get more questions from men than I do from women which initially surprised me. I guess it is easier for them to ask these private things when there is a computer in front of them and not a real person. It is difficult for some men to open up emotionally and that is the first thing they usually tell me. Here are some popular questions I have received from both men and women:

  1. Why are women so high maintenance? They seem to only be interested in my wallet! How do I meet a quality woman who is into me and not into what kind of car I drive or what I do for a living?
  2. Why has my boyfriend not asked me to marry him after 4 years? Why can’t he commit to me? How much longer do I wait for him? Do I give him an ultimatum?
  3. How can I learn how to talk to women and approach them with confidence? What’s wrong with me and why am I so afraid of rejection?
  4. Why do men only seem interested in one thing? SEX! Why don’t they call or text me after I have sex with them on the first few dates?
  5. How do I get past being cheated on? Will I ever be able to trust anyone?
  6. Why can’t I move on after my divorce or long-term relationship breakup? Will I ever find love again? How do I even begin to start dating again?
  7. I have been texting with this guy for months, why haven’t we met in person yet? Should I hang around?
  8. The girl I was seeing just vanished without any communication and won’t answer my texts. What do I do?

WHAT’S YOUR MAIN ADVICE IN MAINTAINING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER?

  • Always talk to your partner and do not shut them out! It’s called a partnership for a reason because you are supposed to share things with them. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable once in a while.
  • Always make an effort to look good for yourself and your partner. There is no room for complacency in a relationship. You were attracted to each other for a reason; always remember to keep that attraction alive. It only takes a few minutes every day and will add miles to your relationship!
  • Couples who play together stay together. Do fun things with them and change it up often! Grow together not apart.
  • Always have your partners back!
  • Have regular date nights and yes, sex is important! It’s not just for birthdays or special occasions! Keep those fires burning so they come back to your bed and not someone else’s!
  • The little things count! Love notes, sweet texts throughout the day, compliments, undivided attention when they are talking to you or sharing a glass of wine in candlelight.

Susan McCord aka Dear Sybersue

Check out this post and more with Stylist Eleni @ The Style Latte

about-1

Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Talk Show Host, Published Author, Interviewer, Certified Life Coach, Blogger & Advice Columnist.

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Embrace the Differences Men and Women Bring to a Relationship

Embrace the Differences Men and Women Bring to a Relationship

 

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If you want to date more, appreciate the differences men & women bring to the relationship!

What is the first thing that attracts you to someone you don’t know? Isn’t it the physical & chemical appeal that gets your attention? Pheromones play an important role in stirring someone’s interest which is somewhat comparable to dogs sniffing each other in the park. (Don’t we wish it were that easy?)

With all that at our fingertips why are humans so bashful in connecting with others that they are attracted to? Is the fear of rejection so powerful that it erases all confidence?

People use liquid courage in the bars or at events to finally interact with this magnetic power that has captivated their concentration. “Alcohol is just a layer of backbone that dares us to have faith in oneself.”

Men & women are so quick to judge others & themselves that dating has become less frequent due to unreasonable assumptions about each other. People need to appreciate each gender for what they bring into a relationship & need a reminder of that. Why make life difficult? Don’t we all want love in our lives at the end of the day?

What Women Appreciate in a Man:

  • The biological differences! (Physically and sexually speaking.)
  • Confident strength!
  • Women appreciate men who take care of themselves and their bodies without being fanatical about it. A naturally muscular athletic guy will make even the most prudish women take notice.
  • Many women today still love a gentleman despite feminism & the need for equality. (Unfortunately this has confused many men with their role today and they are not always sure what to do.)
  • Women love it when a man honors & respects their opinion.
  • His masculinity & protective qualities ~ makes her feel safe.
  • His friendship loyalty with his mates.
  • His ability to apologize when wrong, accept his flaws while putting any peacock authority on hold.

What Men Appreciate in a Woman:

  • Sexual & personal confidence.
  • She takes pride in her appearance. (Without taking 3 hours to get there.)
  • Self sufficient but not head strong independent.
  • Enjoys feeling wanted with his masculine abilities.
  • A woman who loves & initiates sex.
  • Her natural scent, her curves & femininity.
  • He likes it when after an argument is resolved it is over and not rehashed continually.
  • She has her own life too.
  • A woman’s maternal & nurturing instincts. He loves watching her be a mother to her children.
  • A woman who has a great body image ~ regardless of size or shape.

Tips for the Ladies to Show Men You Appreciate Them:

  1. Women should appreciate their partner’s sexual appetite because they wouldn’t feel very sexy if their man did not have a yearning for them! Taking the time to enjoy and appreciate this in their man will keep the relationship healthy and alive. Ignoring them sexually is not a good idea if you want to keep them close. (Careers & kids can take a second seat once in awhile!)
  2. Men are visual creatures so make them “see” how much of an effort you make for them. Don’t become the Walmart housewife dressed in sweat pants & over-sized T-shirts. Show your feminine side ladies or you will be complaining that he’s glancing at other women.. It’s not difficult to take 10 minutes out of your day to remind him why he is attracted to you.
  3. Take time to do something with him that really makes him happy even if it is not your favorite thing to do. Believe it or not guys do like to do some things with their wives! Attend the annual boat show, trek up a mountain trail or at the very least go to a “dick flick” with him. Do anything that makes him feel you are making an effort to do something he enjoys doing. (Especially, if you expect him to accompany you to The Nutcracker Ballet every year.)
  4. Ambitious men are an aphrodisiac to most women. That being said, try not to get upset with him when he has to do the odd work assignment over the weekend or asks you to attend a business dinner with him. There is a small price to pay for his success & the luxuries in your home.

Tips for the Men to Show Women You Appreciate Them:

  1. Many women today are also busy with careers and other passions and appreciate it when their guy is proud of her accomplishments without judgment or jealousies. Attaining new achievements keeps the mind youthful & alert which spills over into keeping the relationship fresh! You always have something to share and talk about because your life together has diversity.
  2. Women also appreciate that men don’t always have to be “the man.” Women like to be needed as well. They like to feel important and that once in awhile they can save the day too. Men don’t have to fix everything, but wearing a tool belt and cut-offs will probably get him in the bedroom more often! There is something to say for a man flexing his muscles while using a power drill!
  3. Ladies also like it when men trust their partner’s judgment and appreciate their intellect.
  4. Women also appreciate  when their man stands up for them when someone berates them or ridicules them. For the most part women love men’s direct “shoot from the hip” answers as long as diplomacy is implemented.

Both sexes want to be acknowledged and appreciated  for what they bring to each other’s life. This is the key to happiness that some people feel is lacking in relationships today. It’s not supposed to be a competition!

Things are continually evolving between the sexes so we need to start honoring these transitions and stop fighting them. Change in inevitable! Isn’t life more interesting when there are differences to embrace & learn from?

Trying to understand each other is not the answer; accepting each other is! ❤

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/dearsybersue 

HELP! My Life is Crazy & My Sex Life Is Non-Existent In My Marriage!

HELP! My Life is Crazy & My Sex Life Is Non-Existent In My Marriage!

Dear Sybersue:

I live a very full & pretty decent life for the most part. I have two children, a dog and a great partner whom I still love after 10 years. His job is demanding & I work 5 days a week myself. I am also putting in time to develop my own business on the side to help with our heavy mortgage.

Needless to say juggling it all and still having a busy social schedule is a challenge as I am sure it is for many people out there. My sex-life is non-existent at the moment & my passion for it is a little depleted due to the lack of physical connection my husband and I share.

Even though I seem to be managing my crazy life, I have to admit I feel tired & stressed out all the time these days!

I do not take care of myself in the way I should due to time restrictions with work, & the children’s activities. I do not feel nearly as sexy or attractive as I used to in my single days. I don’t have time to be the feminine hot woman of my past existence anymore.

I don’t even know what a girl’s night out is these days! My friends seem to have given up on me because I have so little time for them. I don’t blame them.

Every so often I get very depressed and do not want to see or talk to anyone which makes it even worse. I feel overwhelmed ~ Any ideas to help??

From The Suburban Housewife

ANSWER

Continue reading

My Cheating Ex Wants to be Friends! (He is Still Dating the Girl Who he Cheated With!)

My Cheating Ex Wants to be Friends! (He is Still Dating the Girl Who he Cheated With!)

How do you explain to your ex that you cannot be friends while they date the person they cheated on you with? (Original post on Quora)

Susan McCord
Susan McCord, Susan McCord is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Talk Show Host &Published Author

I noticed how you said “while” they date the person they cheated on you with. Why would you want to be friends with a man that has no respect for you, whether he is with this woman or not? We all get that forgiveness is a part of healing, but it doesn’t mean you have to be friends or keep him in your life after he blatantly cheated on you.

He wants to be friends with you because it helps him relieve his guilt but that has nothing to do with your feelings, it’s about him. He also may be keeping you in the background in case he wants to rekindle something later on or keep the new girl feeling insecure.

Hurtful relationships are the stepping stones to a better place, but first you have to learn the lessons as to why you were with someone.

  • What did you learn about your time with them?
  • Was there something about yourself that needed to be woken up?
  • What attracted you towards him in the beginning?
  • Are you drawn to bad boys?
  • Were you shown love as a child?
  • Do you base a relationship primarily on how much sexual chemistry you have with them?
  • Was he with someone else when you met him?

The red flags are usually right in front of us early on in a relationship but many people choose to ignore them. He did you a favor by showing you his true colors and the more often you remove yourself from people who hurt you or use you, the sooner you will meet the people who should be in your life.

Oh and by the way… you do not have to explain anything to him. His actions towards you said it all.

Give your energy & love to people who appreciate you. ❤

I did this video a short time ago that you may want to see about relationships.

“Love Gone Wrong Could be Something you Needed to Learn about Yourself”

Why Do Women Play so Many Games? How Do I know if She is Into Me?

Why Do Women Play so Many Games? How Do I know if She is Into Me?

Dear Sybersue answers a popular question from men on her advice column!

They want to know why women are not authentic with their feelings and play so many pretentious games on the first few dates!

Men are confused and getting fed up with dating games of the millennium! “Why don’t women just say what they really mean? Do they think that by playing “hot & cold” it will keep the guy interested?”

That’s another question…How does a guy know if she is even interested in him???

There are way too many mixed signals going on! Both men and women need to just be themselves and stop with this push/pull scenario that is happening out there. The women are also complaining that the men act interested only until they get a woman between the sheets! Some women say this is one of the reasons they are pulling back from men.

Unfortunately this isn’t the answer and if you want a real relationship you have to be real! Stop with the games and show your date “the fun side” of the person that you are. If you can’t be your authentic self then maybe you’re not ready to date. That goes for both sexes!

Please leave your comments below if you have some great answers to this question! 🙂

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Dear Sybersue Facebook Page

 

Jingle Bell Rock-Marijuana Christmas Song (Parody)

A funny Christmas Parody (Jingle Bell Rock) about Marijuana with two girls singing a duet in Santa elf wear. Talk show host Susan McCord wrote the special lyrics. (There was no actual BC bud in the making of the video!!!…but there was BC wine & dry ice!

The Lyrics are below.

Jingle Bell Parody Using BC Bud

Jingle bell, jingle bell, we’re getting high,
Smoking a bong, and wondering why,
We’re getting hungry and think we’re so fun
It’s than damn BC Bud again….

Marijuana, Marijuana, smoked everywhere
But cigarettes smoked, will get you jail time,
The rules are bazaar but the cops seem to not care
Unless you’re dealing here…

Hydroponics, Special Home grown
Vancouver… has it all
We smoked just two tokes but we’re messed up
Eating and laughing is all we can do…

Giddy up, sit up, attempting to walk
It’s enough to just try to talk…
Our mouth is dry and can’t feel our feet
That’s the BC Bud…
That’s the BC Bud
That’s the damn BC Buddddddddd

Susan McCord @ sybersue.com

Dear Sybersue Youtube Talk Show

 

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