Relationship advice for men & women

Love and All That Jazz – Interview Dear Sybersue
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Love and All That Jazz – Interview Dear Sybersue

 

Love and all that Jazz – Susan McCord

NAME:  Susan McCord aka Dear SyberSue

GENERATION:  Baby Boomer

SIGN:  Leo

OCCUPATION (S):  Dating /Relationship Coach, Talk Show Host, Published Author, Advice Columnist/Blogger. I also write for many other online platforms such as vocal.media and Mogul. I host a monthly support group for women who are dealing with divorce, self-esteem issues, getting over a long-term relationship, single mothers and getting back out into the dating market again!

LOCATION:  Vancouver, BC

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN YOUR LATTE?  Skim milk with cinnamon

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR STYLE:  

In the fall & winter months I am a jeans/leggings, boots and sweater girl. I collect coats of all shapes and colors! I probably need an intervention! I seem to have a lot of black and white outfits but I am really drawn to anything red or silver grey!

In the spring/summer months, I love to wear off the shoulder feminine blouses with capris or skirts and classy jumpsuits or gowns are my “go to” staple for events or evenings out. I am very social!

I am also a little bit Boho and have a closet full of flowy tops and long sleeveless dresses. I love chunky jewelry, big earrings and anything blingy which includes my phone case! I am not a follower and beat to my own fashion drum. 😉

THREE THINGS YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT?

  1. Some form of fitness such as hot yoga, spinning, hiking and weight training! I call this my cheap therapy because it keeps my mind clear for writing, gets me off the computer, keeps my weight somewhat in check and improves my health physically and emotionally. It clears the cobwebs so to speak!
  2. I can’t live without Love! My son and my husband are the loves of my life! I also love animals of all kinds and talk to every dog on the street! I’m actually not kidding.
  3. My colorist! I will be 95 years old and will always make time to go to the salon. What grey hair, it’s natural!

WHO/WHAT ARE YOUR INSPIRATIONS IN LIFE?  

I like that you offered the choice of what and not just who in this question. I didn’t really have a mentor growing up but I learned how to be a strong woman due to being given the role of big sister nurturer & housekeeper at home (5 kids) which basically took over my youth. I moved out at 17 and worked full time at a computer job and part-time at The Keg restaurant to support my rent and shoe fetish!

I guess you could say that Travel was my big inspiration in life.

Ever since I was 13 years old I had decided I wanted to be a flight attendant and made my dream happen at age 21. Flying around the world for 25 years is an education that you just can’t get from a book or classroom setting! You never stop learning! This also helped me understand men and women of all cultures & status in numerous countries. The one thing we all have in common is the need for love.

If I had to choose someone who was an inspiration I would say Betty White and Oprah (yes I know, cliché choice right?) Betty, because she lives life to the fullest, is funnier than anyone I know and hasn’t slowed down at the tender age of 96! Oprah; has she survived a lot of diversity & abuse and has taught so many people how to also overcome these traumatizing obstacles. She’s done a lot for others and gives so many people hope.

I also love George Clooney but that’s just because he’s hot and he’s my hall pass. (Wink wink)

WHEN DID YOU BECOME A DATING/RELATIONSHIP COACH AND WHY?

I have been asked for advice since I was a teenager! Maybe it was due to the mature role & responsibilities I had at home, or maybe I am a bit of an old soul who has been here way too many times?? Ha!

Connecting with others has always been easy for me as I am not a shy woman. I love to talk to people and I love to listen as well. Everyone has a story to share! I started a podcast back in 2004, (yes, way before there were podcasts!) and then eventually started My YouTube show in 2009!

By the time I was 28 I was married, divorced and a single mom of an 18-month-old boy. I had lots to deal with and the learning curve was a very long winding road! I had a lot to share with others going through a similar ordeal.

I have been writing since I was 10 years old so it was a natural progression to write my advice column, my book, and my dating/relationship blog. I have always taken courses over the years and became a certified coach 4 years ago. I enjoy helping people and I have done a lot of pro bono work over the years, but I needed to be able to pay my bills too!

WHAT QUESTIONS DO MOST OF YOUR YOUTUBE VIEWERS & CLIENTS ASK?

I get more questions from men than I do from women which initially surprised me. I guess it is easier for them to ask these private things when there is a computer in front of them and not a real person. It is difficult for some men to open up emotionally and that is the first thing they usually tell me. Here are some popular questions I have received from both men and women:

  1. Why are women so high maintenance? They seem to only be interested in my wallet! How do I meet a quality woman who is into me and not into what kind of car I drive or what I do for a living?
  2. Why has my boyfriend not asked me to marry him after 4 years? Why can’t he commit to me? How much longer do I wait for him? Do I give him an ultimatum?
  3. How can I learn how to talk to women and approach them with confidence? What’s wrong with me and why am I so afraid of rejection?
  4. Why do men only seem interested in one thing? SEX! Why don’t they call or text me after I have sex with them on the first few dates?
  5. How do I get past being cheated on? Will I ever be able to trust anyone?
  6. Why can’t I move on after my divorce or long-term relationship breakup? Will I ever find love again? How do I even begin to start dating again?
  7. I have been texting with this guy for months, why haven’t we met in person yet? Should I hang around?
  8. The girl I was seeing just vanished without any communication and won’t answer my texts. What do I do?

WHAT’S YOUR MAIN ADVICE IN MAINTAINING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER?

  • Always talk to your partner and do not shut them out! It’s called a partnership for a reason because you are supposed to share things with them. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable once in a while.
  • Always make an effort to look good for yourself and your partner. There is no room for complacency in a relationship. You were attracted to each other for a reason; always remember to keep that attraction alive. It only takes a few minutes every day and will add miles to your relationship!
  • Couples who play together stay together. Do fun things with them and change it up often! Grow together not apart.
  • Always have your partners back!
  • Have regular date nights and yes, sex is important! It’s not just for birthdays or special occasions! Keep those fires burning so they come back to your bed and not someone else’s!
  • The little things count! Love notes, sweet texts throughout the day, compliments, undivided attention when they are talking to you or sharing a glass of wine in candlelight.

Susan McCord aka Dear Sybersue

Check out this post and more with Stylist Eleni @ The Style Latte

about-1

Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Talk Show Host, Published Author, Interviewer, Certified Life Coach, Blogger & Advice Columnist.

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Relationship Advice: Can We Truly Love Two People at the Same Time?

Are you in love with two people

Is it truly possible to be “in love” with two people at the same time?

Many people will say that if you truly had powerful feelings of love for one person then you couldn’t possibly share those same feelings with another.

What do you think?

They argue that it means you must not have “truly loved” your partner to be so easily taken away and that there must be some major problems in your relationship to make you tempted to go there.

Do you agree with this?

We are all true romantics at heart & want to believe that when we tie the knot or totally commit with someone, we will always love that person and everything will be great.

It is a huge commitment to give yourself to someone for a lifetime and knowing that it could be taken away at any given moment is the main reason so many people are insecure in relationships.

Can we really love two people or is it just a lustful encounter we are craving?

Aren’t there many different types of love?

By loving our children & our partner, we are sharing our love with others. Is the love we have for our kids very different from “relationship love.” Not always. Would you not die for them? Sacrifice things in your own personal life for them? Give them a kidney? Would you not do that for your partner as well?

The one difference is you have sex, intimacy & romantic feelings for your partner but the biggest difference is; we love our children unconditionally but we have way more expectations from our partners!

We can Learn a Lot about Love From Our Children:

  • How to be selfless & put someone else first.
  • To be compassionate about others.
  • How to be patient.
  • How to lighten up on expectations & conditions.

When you are drawn to someone else while you are already in a relationship, you are attracted to them usually due to something that is missing within your partnership.

This is not always a known detriment to your present relationship but it may be something you didn’t even know about yourself that was important or missing.  All of a sudden you feel alive by what this other person is bringing into your world.

Nothing is easy about this situation especially when you fall in love with them. It doesn’t often work out and many people end up alone when venturing into this type of scenario. (More often than not, the one that leaves their relationship for another person, is the one who ends up getting dumped down the road.)

The trust is never really there when you cheat in your relationship. Quite ironic, isn’t it? It’s all wonderful until you decide to be exclusive with that “new tempting love,”and then you spend all your time wondering if they are going to do the same thing to you with another person.

Are we starting to remove ourselves from long monogamous relationships of the past? Is it the forbidden fruit that makes us wander, or are we just plain bored being with the same person for years?

Being torn between two lovers is happening more today, due to this monotony & social networking availability. Back in the day of our parents, it was expected to only be married once and celebrating a 40 year Anniversary was the norm. (They also married at a much younger age as well.)

Today both men and women have careers and the chances of meeting someone whom you may be attracted to is much more available, which adds to even more temptation outside the marital home. This is all the more reason people who are in a committed partnership should never become complacent.

Taking your partner for granted in any relationship may invite a change that you are not prepared for. When the chemistry is overpowering between two people, it is “not” easy to side step away from those powerful pheromones. It’s like the bakery in your neighborhood that teases you with that freshly baked bread scent; eventually temptation will lure you into the shop.

It is possible to fall for your pool boy & your husband at the same time but it may be for totally different reasons. It could start out as an unbelievable infatuation that goes beyond anything you have had before. It could be purely sexual, or emotional.

Having an emotional chemistry is what many women are missing in their long term relationship. They need that connection before they can have romantic sex with someone & men need a regular sexual connection to keep their relationship alive.

Everyone has similar relationship issues after the initial euphoric passion wears off  but it is how we nurture the foundation as a couple that will keep us from hopping from one relationship to the next.

Sometimes a person comes into our life to help us realize it is time to move on & occasionally it helps us to see what a powerful love we are blessed with at home. Whatever the scenario, be honest with yourself & your partner on what you need in your life, don’t let them be the last to know or hear it from someone else.

Always put yourself in their shoes & how you would feel. Make sure it’s worth it if you decide to take the plunge into these tempting waters.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

 

 

 

Save Your Relationship: Fight the Problem not Each Other!
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Save Your Relationship: Fight the Problem not Each Other!

Dear Sybersue discusses relationship problems that can be solved through love and communication! Pick your battles and stop sweating the small stuff!

There will always be issues to deal with in your partnership but many of them can be managed before they escalate into destroying your relationship.

Why do some couples keep rehashing the same old argument or keep looking for a new one? Are they looking for a fight due to boredom?

Why not try to spice up the relationship in other ways that don’t include a heated argument? Defuse the conflict early and put that energy into something that brings you closer, like great makeup sex!  Remember those days???

Making love is the the glue of most successful long term partnerships!

The more drama you allow into your relationship the less chance you will have to make it work long term. It’s not easy being with the same person for many years but with a little low maintenance action it can be a loving and healthy environment that you enjoy coming home to.

There are men and women who truly love their spouses right up until their 60th wedding anniversary because they made it work and put each other first through all those years together. When you unconditionally respect your partner it is easy to hold on to the love you feel for each other because you grow together rather than grow apart. You like each other and appreciate one another.

It is actually a simple equation but so many couples complicate it until the demise of their relationship is before them.

Please watch the video above and leave your comments below this post on what has or hasn’t worked for you in your own home. Your words may able to help someone else out there. 🙂

Susan McCord @ youtube.com/dearsybersue

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My Relationship: Should I Stay or Should I go?
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My Relationship: Should I Stay or Should I go?

Dear Sybersue discusses a common relationship question. Should you stay in a partnership that is constantly having problems? Are you breaking up and getting back together all the time? Can it work or is it time to move on to a healthier place?

How often have you heard the story about the couple who were constantly and off again, finally get married and then end up divorced a few years later? When things are good in a relationship it is not that much drama. There will always be little arguments over the years but to get to the point where you take numerous breaks or actually break up, is a sign, or should I say HUGE RED FLAG that things are not meant to be with you as a couple.

You shouldn’t have to talk yourself into being there or decide that your relationship was better than nothing after diving back out into the nightmare dating pool for a few months. Compatibility is everything and if there are just too many obstacles or opposite view points, it becomes a repetitive daily struggle being together. Love shouldn’t be forced or constantly compromised for someone else. It needs to be reciprocated and respected!

Don’t waste too much time fighting your life away with someone; move on to a healthier place where you can be best friends as well as romantic partners in a stress free and loving environment. Know when the relationship has fizzled beyond repair, take away the good things your learned from it and be thankful for your time together. Leave the anger behind as it takes two to mess up a relationship. Own your stuff and move along to being an even better you.

Susan McCord  The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Facebook: DearSybersue

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Dear Sybersue: How to Deal with Common Relationship Problems

Dealing with relationship issues is an ongoing battle with many couples. Why is it so difficult to maintain the respectful, fun loving partnership that we all had in the early stages of “courtship?” Is that even a word anymore or am I dating myself again? 😉

Some people have become lazy and don’t prioritize their relationships due to how busy they are in every other area of their life.  Is this smart? We put so much effort into our jobs and our kids but we don’t nurture the person that we love? That’s just crazzzzzzzzy to me!

We all spend so much time trying to find the perfect mate to share our life, telling anyone who will listen that dating sucks and there are so few choices of suitable partners out there!  Then when we finally meet that special person and make the commitment that we have been waiting for, we become complacent and slowly let it fizzle into nothingness. What the???

As I have said in numerous blog posts and videos “Love is like a full time job!” This isn’t a bad thing! There will always be challenges, but like your career or your family, you don’t usually walk away from them because of a few obstacles that you have to deal with here and there.  Life is a bitch sometimes but that’s OK. It keeps us from getting bored and melting into our couch alone every night. Think about that…

Hope you like the video ❤

PS: What do you do in your relationship to keep the love alive? Please leave a comment below. xo

Susan McCord – The Dear Sybersue Talk Show                                                          Come & check out my Facebook Page

 

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Divorce Doesn’t Have to Be a Bad Thing ~ The Joy of Ex Author Discusses Divorce

Author & divorce coach Debbie Burgin discusses her book “The Joy of Ex” which is based on “dealing with the trials & tribulations of divorce”. She shares her expertise with Talk Show Host Susan McCord on how to find yourself & start over with wonderful new beginnings on a different life path.

Life has different cycles that we all go through which changes how we think & perceive our choices. In the past, couples stayed together because it was the norm! You made your bed so now you literally had to lie in it. This is not the case anymore with many men & women in successful careers & not as dependent on one another ~ marriage is on much more of an even footing today. The persona of 50’s housewife June Clever is becoming less & less who women want to portray. While it can be wonderful not to have to work while raising our children, there is a sense of self worth for women to be able to have a life outside the home as well.

When a marriage dissolves & becomes an everyday burden, you have many choices on how to handle it today. There are many more counseling options, numerous relationship books & videos, divorce groups & the divorce or separation laws are much more user friendly & fair to both sexes. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship anymore. Teaching your children how to move on from an unhappy situation is much better than pretending to be in a blissful family situation. Don’t underestimate the intelligence of your kids regardless of their age. (Body language is a dead give away.)

We all have great intentions of making our relationships work when we say “I Do” ~ We don’t go into a marriage knowing we will only be together for limited time. Take what you can from the memories or your time together & enjoy them. There were many reasons you fell in love & made a commitment but now life has new plans for you. Remember the Quote; “People come into your life for a Reason, Season Or a Lifetime.” Knowing when to let go is part of maturity & self respect. It is a growth that we never stop learning from. When deciding on whether you are ready to move on, make sure you have exhausted all your options to making your marriage work & if you are ready to start a new life, divorce can be a good thing.

Susan McCord http://www.interviewtalkshow.com
Debbie Burgin http://www.thejoyofex.net

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