Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

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I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life.  Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.

Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other!

Not too long ago a friend of mine was publicly reprimanded by a male radio host for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way.

Why do we do this to each other and why are some men and women so damn angry?

People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people!

Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become negatively embedded into your mind.

The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is because both men and women lack ideas or creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date.  It also has a lot to do with self-esteem and fear of rejection as well.

The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario.

Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)

Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available at night clubs.

Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it also gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive hangout for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely and the pattern continues.

Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:

  • If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to what their profile says & notice any red flags with their pictures. Photos really are worth a thousand words on most online dating sites and many people choose to ignore these obvious signs!
  • Don’t get caught up and blinded by a person’s status! These are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type. These people usually frequent the same establishments and word travels fast. Do you really want to be known as a groupie? (You may not even be aware that you have this reputation.)
  • Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. They are usually pretty easy to spot so keep your eyes open and observe. Body language is also a dead giveaway.
  • Don’t allow yourself to be the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
  • People who only date the perfect & beautiful types.  Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.

External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.

Finding true love should not be abusive or emotionally painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.

If you classify yourself as a certain “type” or that you only like a certain type of person, you will be forever stuck in repetitive scenarios.  Fear can be a powerful relationship suppressor, so be cognizant of forming any patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of what may or may not happen.

Challenge those internal demons as to why you don’t feel worthy of having love in your life.

If you don’t have the strength to get out of  reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.)

Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance.  Everyone deserves love!

Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:

  1. Golf driving range or at an Executive Par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there. (Unless of course you are a great player!)
  2. Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
  3. The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
  4. Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
  5. Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
  6. Sporting venue (hockey game, baseball game, soccer match, golf spectator etc.)
  7. Any mingle social event or lounge  (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
  8. Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
  9. Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women attending who have similar interests as you. That way you already have something in common.
  10. Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.

The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship.

Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up!

You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It’s totally your decision and no one else.

We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.

Be open & ready to receive a loving partnership into your life. ❤

Susan McCord @ Please Check Out My YouTube Channel for Videos on similar topics!    The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

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It’s Time to Get a Brazilian/Boyzilian When your Pubic Hair Turns Grey & Other Fun Stuff!

It’s Time to Get a Brazilian/Boyzilian When your Pubic Hair Turns Grey & Other Fun Stuff!

This beautiful woman is 42!

It’s Time to Get a Brazilian when your Pubic Hair Turns Grey & Other Fun Stuff!

It is hard enough getting older without having pre-mature grey hair to go with it! I am not just talking about the hair on your head.  My Gay stylist and I had a very playful friendship and when I asked him to “match the carpet to the drapes”: He jokingly declared, “I’m not touching that thing!” OK, maybe he wasn’t joking!

It can be a little dangerous to try dying it yourself but many men (yes, men) and women add this ritual to their monthly coiffing routine and no one is the wiser that their head & pubic hair color are not natural.  I suggest that you read the instructions first and maybe do a test patch beforehand in case it turns a lovely shade of cotton candy pink the night before you go on that hot date you planned to look good for. (My girlfriend dyed her husband’s hair one day without reading the directions and the poor guy looked like he had a blue SOS pad on his head for 2 weeks!)

Thankfully many waxing salons offer this procedure and even have some accessories to add to your new color as well. The waxbar in Vancouver (Las Vegas and numerous other locations) has many jewel varieties to “Bling Your Thing’ for a reasonable price. It is fun to surprise your lover and it also makes a great Valentine’s Day Gift!  You could even do a couples day at the salon!! Hey guys there is even a “Back, Crack and Sack” package to prepare you for that Hawaii vacation.

Luba Sasowski Owner & Founder of the Waxbar in Vancouver & Many Other Locations

Luba Sasowski Owner & Founder of the Waxbar in Vancouver & Many Other Locations

Pubic hair dying is not usually a high maintenance procedure depending on re-growth, but many women and men are opting for the Brazilian/Boyzilian Bikini wax. (Hmmm do we get roots on our privates?) First timers may want to watch a video before they set up an appointment for one of these waxing procedures but be forewarned you may freak out a little  and be tempted to cancel your appointment! I have watched a few infomercials showing these hairy people calmly smiling while getting their hair ripped out in clumps and I swear they must be hooked up to an intervenes bag of Valium.

My Husband Getting Waxed!

My Husband Getting Waxed!

I usually have a high pain threshold but for some reason it’s not there in the hair removal department. I scream like a little bitch which is why I have not had the entire landing strip removal package because I almost passed out just when I had my inner thigh waxed!  Of course there is always the option of laser hair removal which can take a toll on your wallet but it is more permanent and low maintenance!  Let’s be realistic here: No one ever really gets used to the having his or her genitals or butt crack waxed! Let’s not forget to mention the latest discussions regarding regular salon visits for anal bleaching! I know right!

Here are a few reasons why should you think about cleaning the cobwebs from your triangle zones:

  • Excess hair makes a person perspire more, so if you want to smell sweeter think about some form hair removal or do a little clear cutting in the forest.
  • You look better in a bikini or speedo because you don’t have excess hair creeping out the top or the sides of your suit. Also ladies, you might be able to fit into a smaller size after a little pruning as well.
  • It is now considered sexual etiquette to trim down there; unless you or your date has a “pubic hair fetish” which is more common than many people realize! (Personally the Sasquatch look just doesn’t do it for me but to each his own.
  • I think we all know how hygiene can affect oral sex so I will just leave it at that!

Other maintenance tips for men and women who are 35 and older:

  1. Buy a Satin pillowcase. Cotton wrinkles, and causes morning face creases!  As you age, these take longer and longer to go away. Going to the office meeting with a 300-thread count label embedded into your cheek, is not fashionable.
  2. Same goes for eyeshades, be careful how tight and what material they are made of. Having the nickname “bandit” or “raccoon” is not a compliment!
  3. Weight training! This is one of the best skin tighteners out there! Ladies, it can give you cleavage even if you are only an A cup, I am proof of how muscle gives the illusion that you actually have boobs! This is amazing for those double E+ women as it keeps the girls up a little higher by not allowing the pectoral muscle & ligaments to become too slack or atrophied!
  4. This also applies to men!! No guy wants man-boobs but go easy on the weight amount as no girl wants a guy with bigger boobs than her!
  5. Loofa everything! Skin looks old when it is dry!
  6. Invest in “Crest white strips” or better yet, have your teeth professionally whitened! For the $$200-$300 it may cost you, it is worth ten times that much.  (Hands/feet and teeth are age give-aways.)
  7. 30-40 minutes of interval paced cardio 4-5 times per week will help keep you in a good weight zone and if you can work up a sweat, your skin will thank you. It is a natural exfoliater and skin softener.
  8. Warm Yoga classes and infrared saunas help detoxify your body.
  9. Keep your mind sharp! Read regularly, learn new things, challenge your brain constantly, and get out and enjoy nature! These things all keep you focused and appreciative of life at every age.
  10. Diversity is the key to staying young! Change up your routine and don’t become stuck or boring. Being Anal Retentive will not get you laid.

These tips are cost effective and less invasive than cosmetic surgery. Some people do not want to be bothered with taking care of themselves and just give up, but I say fight it all the way! We have all heard the cliché;“You are as old as you feel” but I would also like to add; “You are as old as you look!” Yes, taking care of ourselves is not always an easy task and it does involve a bit of maintenance with each approaching birthday, but why wouldn’t you always want to look and feel great? So it may take a 30-60 minutes out of your day, is that so bad?

Attitude is huge when it comes to how your life unfolds and the more you live it to the fullest, the more exciting it becomes. Every decade has a story to tell but it is how you live each chapter that will make your time here on earth a great experience and conversation for you & your grandchildren to talk about. Don’t ever give in to age; take charge and gratefully own who you are. Never stop having fun and never stop growing as a person.

So get out there and bling your thing, coif your jewels, and exfoliate a few years off your old fashioned thinking to enjoy a refreshed outlook in all things after 35.  It’s a great place to be, it’s not that much work and it’s a Hell of a lot of fun!

Susan McCord  ~ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

How to Deal with Dating Insecurities & Inhibitions!

Stamps Landing Vancouver 2011

Get Out & Mingle to Remove Insecurities and Inhibitions

Dating Insecurities & Inhibitions!

Dating Insecurities is not the same thing as dating inhibitions but both scenarios will cause havoc in your love life if practiced on a regular basis.  Inhibitions can just be lack of experimentation or fear of the unknown.  Insecurities can be a lot stronger where help may be needed from a therapist to change a deep rooted problem.

What are some of the more common insecurities within our relationships?

  • Body Image is #1!
  • Intellect ~ are we smart enough for them and afraid of saying the wrong things?
  • Their career is intimidating ~they are more successful.
  • Asking yourself or them why they are with you ~ you don’t feel worthy.
  • They more outgoing than you. You feel overlooked and invisible in a group.
  • They are very attractive to the opposite sex!
  • They have a very strong sex drive & you worry they will wander.

On a sexual level if you have had only a few partners in your lifetime, you may feel intimidated with how to make yourself sexier due to your inexperience. There may be a fear of how to initiate something or communicate with your partner between the sheets. This is very common & can be addressed easily if you are with the right partner who cares about you. There will be an openness that encourages you as a couple to experiment comfortably because you are not judging each other.

On the flip side; if the only people you have slept with constantly tell you that you need to lose weight or criticize you in the bedroom, this will not only make you feel insecure, it will inhibit you from wanting to be a better lover.  A little encouragement goes a long way and if you are continually brow beaten into submission, you are not going to feel confident enough to bring out the tiger that lurks beneath.

There is making love and then there is sex; and with the right partner it can be mind blowing & life altering! How many times have you talked to your friends about what a good lover someone was, when really it was mostly about how they made you “feel” during that time? It wasn’t all about the happy ending but what happened in between that made you feel special. There was romance and a gentleness that allowed you to reciprocate the same back to your partner because they made you feel safe which allows the walls to come down.

Humans excel when they are complimented or rewarded with simple acknowledgement. Being a controlling person may get you want you want initially but after awhile it will be the demise of your relationship. Many of our choices are a reflection of how our life started in the early stages of our youth. Some of us chose a parent figure as a guideline or role model to mold ourselves after which can either be a good thing or bad thing. It is a visual behavior or pattern that many people fall into. If you spent much of your younger years being berated by your family or by bullies at school, your self esteem will play a huge part in who you become as an adult. The sooner we understand this the faster we will be able to change our beliefs and confidence levels.

What do we need to do to gain more confidence & lose our inhibitions that have plagued our growth & desires for too long?

Most of us are more comfortable with the “devil we know” as opposed to the one we don’t, so we continue to live in our childhood sandbox rather than venture outside to a new dimension. We are creatures of habit and are not overly comfortable in a completely new environment; so we repeatedly choose relationships that keep us from growing.  Therefore our inhibitions continue to “own” us.

Inhibitions are one of the reasons online dating has become so popular. It is easy to hide behind a computer & try to get to know someone through E-mails and text messages. It is not as intimidating as the initial face to face contact & there is much less personal rejection because they haven’t actually met them yet.  The problem with this type of dating is that you can take your time on the compute, unlike the bar situation where you only have a short time to take action before they leave. Unfortunately though the biggest complaint about dating sites/apps is that many people never actually end up meeting in person and spend way too much time texting without ever making a date.

Alcohol “liquid courage”is probably the most popular inhibition release there is. (I swear liquor stores would go out of business if people were as confident without it! How many people do you know that have got up to sing karaoke sober?) Social environments are popular when the booze is flowing generously, but at the end of the evening it may just be another story for the dating diary when you either add another booty call to the list, or hand out your number to someone who never ends up calling. It is always best to connect with people on a sober level regardless of how shy or insecure you may feel.  Practice makes perfect! The more you put yourself out there the more comfortable you will become with face to face connections.

If you feel overwhelmed by your inhibitions & insecurities observe the people you have allowed in your life.

  • Are your friendships healthy and reciprocated?
  • Are your family and friends genuinely interested in your happiness?
  • Is your job rewarding or deflating?
  • Are they encouraging or do they try to squash you and your achievements?
  • Do they offer assistance and support when things aren’t going well in your life?

Remember, inhibitions have to start somewhere. The more we alleviate negative behavior from our lives the more we will become comfortable to let down our guard to be more of who we actually are before the walls went up! We don’t start out frightened or afraid to try things, which is why many toddlers need to be watched carefully at early stages of their lives. They will try anything!  We become more inhibited and insecure as our lives unfold; especially if we have constant aversion.

The more you do something a little out of character, the more you get over your inhibitions.  Get out of your comfort zone as often as you can.  Do something daily that you would not normally do.  Experiment with strangers by talking with them, saying hello, or smiling.  Talk with “trusted” friends or family about your insecurities or inhibitions. It is also good to talk to a professional counselor as they will be nonjudgmental and it might make you open up even more.  By discussing these private subjects, it will enable you to learn how to actually deal with them because you are now aware of them.  They will be supportive & offer suggestions to help you get past it & make your life more rewarding.  Do the same for them as well.

Remember; we “all” have something we are insecure about & could use guidance on.  No one is immune to that.

Susan McCord ❤ Please Follow & Subscribe @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Dating Advice: 4 Big Questions From Men about Women!

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This is a conversation that I have with men all over the world.  It doesn’t matter what age they are the questions are the same.

  1. How do we know when a woman is interested when you first meet them?
  2. Why are men & women so different?
  3. What should men know about women?
  4. What is she thinking?

How Do You Know When A Woman Is Interested When You First Meet Them?

She makes eye contact! If she locks eyes with you across the room for more than 3-5 seconds she has noticed you. Her body language is flirty and fun. She may appear a little shy and fidget with her hair or her food/drink. She smiles but may look away often out of nervousness because she is attracted to you!

What do you do?

Go over and say hi if you are interested. Acknowledge her. Don’t turn away and ignore her or she will move on.  She may not be there for long so don’t waste your opportunity while it is there.

Be the initiator if she smiles back. Many women are nervous around someone they are attracted to. (It’s always harder to talk to people you have a crush on regardless of which sex you are.)

If you introduce yourself to her with a handshake, do not do it in a gentle or wimpy way.  Women love your masculinity.  A strong handshake with eye contact is usually an indication of a confident man.

Don’t wait 2 hours to talk with woman you have been eyeing from across the room. It shows a lack of assertiveness or strength. Men worry too much about rejection and lose many great opportunities from fear of “what if she isn’t interested in me?” She doesn’t know you yet so don’t worry if things don’t pan out in the initial conversation. That’s OK, if it’s not a great connection. You tried and that is a good thing.

Why Are Men & Women So Different?

Men have fairly simple needs while women can be a little more complicated. We are definitely more emotional and quite often have different expectations than men when it comes to matters of the heart. This is especially true where our family & home are concerned. (Women were given the reproductive organs for a reason due to our nurturing nature & mama bear tendencies to protect our loved ones.)

Our hormones can interfere with our moods at different times of the month or different stages in our lives such as, pregnancy, during a menstrual cycle or during later years in menopause. It is not easy for women to have to go through all these constant scenarios & many men do not know how to deal with the onset of these hormonal changes. Life is much more rewarding for the man who takes the time to understand the complications of the female anatomy and work with it rather than against it. Women do not want to be complicated, believe me!

Men like to problem solve alone while women like to share theirs. Many men also think about sex more often than women do and are more visual.  Women are usually less visual when it comes to physical attraction towards men and a sense of humor will win her attention in a big way. (Women will never forget an argument or anything a man says for the most part. Sorry guys 😦

They love shoes! (Don’t even try to understand this.)

What Are Some Things That Men Should Know About Women?

  • When getting to know someone you like, don’t leave more than 2-3 days to call them after a date. They want to know you are interested and that they are on your mind. Calling a week or two later doesn’t make a woman feel special. In fact; a man that takes the time to call or email that same evening or the following day will be held in high esteem. Why play the waiting game if you are interested? (Remind yourself of the one that got away because you didn’t act fast enough. We all have one of those in our lives!)
  • When women ask how your weekend or day was, they really appreciate it when you want to confide them. They want you to feel secure that you can tell them the good & bad details. Women like to help; men like to fix things.
  • Try not to cancel plans at the last minute but if you have to, immediately set up a time to make it up to her. You have ruined her evening so apologize & put something on the calendar in the next few days that make her understand that you feel bad and respect her time.
  • Women really like to receive a note, playful text, birthday/special occasion greeting card or a small thoughtful gift for no reason. (Cards mean a lot more to women than men realize ~ we keep them forever!)  It is the little efforts men make that women remember forever & brag about to their girlfriends.
  • Notice her hair cut or when she wears a new outfit for you. The more enthusiasm you show her, she will become bolder & sexier. You will be reaping the benefits & probably have a better sex life too! Women love to be adored by their man. It gives them confidence in all areas but especially the bedroom!
  • When out on a date, do not constantly look around the room. If you are ADHD or easily distracted, pick a seat where you are staring at a wall and not the comings and goings around you. Make her feel like she is the center of your world even if it is only for one night.  Attentiveness is an aphrodisiac!
  • No groping or too much PDA on the first few dates. It can come across needy, desperate or lecherous. Female attraction towards you is based on many of your behaviors.
  • Some women do like NICE guys but not submissive ones. There is a difference!
  • Women like a little mystery, confidence, romance & a sense humor. Use them all!

What Is She Thinking?

If a woman is quieter than normal and her body language is stiff or removed from you, ask her what is bothering her. Women feel weak when they are overly emotional. Once she feels she can talk to you & that you are listening, she will then start to open up. Women need to talk when something is disturbing them; don’t ignore it for long or it may escalate into something bigger down the road. Show her you care.

A woman continually gives hints about things she likes & enjoys. Observing & listening to her is one of the best things a man can do. It stops a lot the guessing game in the early stages because it shows he is interested in what makes her happy. It is also easier to make plans for dates ahead.

Some women can be dramatically emotional & high maintenance. Be aware of how much this happens & how long it continues to monopolize the relationship. We all have our moods but when it becomes a daily occurrence, it is an unhealthy place to be for both of you.

The Bottom Line For Both Sexes:

Do not lose a wonderful opportunity to meet an amazing person by not taking a chance in saying hello to someone you are attracted to or give up too soon because you can’t be bothered.  Dating doesn’t have to be a complex situation; it can be fun & very rewarding.

Don’t make quick judgment calls without giving people a chance. We all have our insecurities & no one is immune to being a little shy or awkward when they first meet someone. Go out and talk to each other & make assumptions after meeting them, not before.

Both sexes have their quirks and differences but that is a good thing. If we were all alike and understood every little thing about each other it would eventually become repetitive and boring. Embrace the differences each sex brings to the table and enjoy it!

Susan McCord @

Having Trouble With Your Lovelife? Maybe Your Dating Checklist Needs Revising

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Many men & women who have written my advice column  are complaining about the obvious checklists people have when they are out on a date.  They feel that it is much more like an interview than a casual encounter!  This is a huge turnoff  and comes across clinical.  Men say  that women have a longer list which is much more specific than a man’s but still don’t know what they really want at the end of the day.

Women feel that a man’s checklist resembles something like this:

Must like sex 7 days a week.
Have a nice body.
Must like watching Sports and be OK with his regular boys night out!
Be willing to try new things regardless of what it is.
She must be a good cook & love being in the kitchen.

Why Do Women Seem to Have More On Their Dating Checklists?

Women tend to be less trusting than men on the first few dates and want to know everything they can about a possible life partner; they want to cover all their options.  Unfortunately some women don’t realize how this comes across and the men feel like they are on trial with this obvious checklist put in front of them.  While it is important to ask questions and open the communication lines; both sexes need to slow down & enjoy the moment, not interrogate each other.  There are many guys now that also have these checklists and it makes the first few dates very awkward.  First impressions are everything so why would you want someone to think you are bringing out your rule book questionnaire and checking off the boxes with each tedious question?

Online dating now has this quick elimination process with both sexes almost looking for flaws & sabotaging any first meeting at all.  People are quick to read the dating profiles with a harsh judgment and if one thing isn’t exactly what they are looking for they are onto the next person.  This is one of the reasons so many people are lonely today! They don’t give anyone a chance and if they do make it to the first date it is often quickly decided that their date doesn’t meet all the checklist requirements!  Who have we become? Are we looking for a clone of ourselves? How boring would that be!

One of my YouTube subscribers feels that everyone should go on a minimum of two dates with each person.  He feels that if you have a great verbal connection, there is something worth exploring.  He gets really frustrated with the checklist that many women seem to have.  Are we being too picky due to the fact that there is always another person waiting on our dating site and so we always think we can do better with the next one?

It is said that there are no coincidences & that each person we come in contact with is there for a purpose. If that is the case, why don’t we acknowledge each encounter as a life lesson?  Regardless of how small the message may be, there will always be something to learn from it.  People are so quick to judge & make assumptions without giving others a second look.  Someone could be dealing with some personal issues that happened that day or had some bad news before the date and may not be themselves.  They could be new at dating & shy with the whole process. Everyone has something to offer and there is someone for everyone. We need to slow down & pay attention to a persons attributes and not spending our time looking for their flaws.

What Should Our Checklist Priorities Look Like?

Character ~ Kind, loving, thoughtful, loyal.
Compatibility ~ common interests, enjoy the same sports, want to travel or happy to stay home.
Attraction ~ mental, physical & sexual (Notice how I put mental attraction first.)
Communication ~ can you talk openly to each other? Are you emotionally connected?
Personality ~ Do they make you laugh, make you a priority, make you think, add to your life?
Career ~ you mutually respect & encourage each others choices.
Parenting ~ both be equally on board with either wanting children, stepchildren or not having children.
Religious beliefs ~ this is a big problem in some relationships.
Location & Living Arrangements ~ Is it important where you live? Close to Family or loved ones?

Of course this list is generalized and each person should categorize their checklist to what works best for them. Children or Religion may be higher on your list.  Prioritizing money or looks on the first line may get you the odd date but ultimately is a shallow approach to long term happiness. Be realistic when preparing your checklist, whether it is mentally accumulated or in written form.  Look in the mirror and really see yourself for who you are & how you want others to see you as well.  No one is perfect & we have to start giving others a chance without negative judgment.  As I said earlier, there is a reason they are in your life, no matter how brief the moment, embrace it.

Susan McCord @

Advice for Men ~ How Much Interest Should I Show a Girl in the Beginning?

Marco asks Dear Sybersue a question regarding how much interest he should show to women he is dating in the early stages. What is too much?  Should he play it a little cooler?

Dear Sybersue,

I am enjoying my new dating life at the moment but I am still unsure whether my initial conversations with women are a bit too much sometimes.  If I like a woman I compliment her and tell her things like I am attracted to her, enjoy her sense of humor and tell her I would like to see her again.

I am not into playing games and want to be honest from the first date!

Is this OK or should I be pulling back more and keep her guessing?  My guy friends say I am way too nice and think I am a bit of a pushover. What do you think?  I appreciate your time and look forward to hearing what you have to say.

Thank you!


Please click on this link below to read Dear Sybersue’s answer


Susan Mccord @

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Dear Sybersue – Why do I Obsess Over Every Little Detail When I am in a New Relationship?

Dear Sybersue,

Why am I so obsessive over the smallest things when I start out in a new relationship?  I constantly think “what if it doesn’t work out” or “what is the point in even trying to be with this guy as it won’t work anyway” and so on!  I find a reason for everything to be a problem and I am talking about little things too!

How did I get like this and why do I even bother dating anyone with this attitude I have acquired?  Am I looking for disappointment because that seems to be my weird comfort zone?

Help me Sybersue!

Thank you, Jamie  ❤

Dear Jamie,

This is a very common scenario, much more than you may realize.  Many people do not believe they deserve to be in a relationship because they don’t think they are worthy of having unconditional love in their lives.  This can stem from many different situations they have endured in the past but it is usually derived from low self esteem coming from a pattern of failed relationships or childhood issues.

You are correct in saying it has become “your weird comfort zone” because this repetitive behavior is now the norm for you.  You have become stuck.  The good news is that you have recognized the pattern and want to try to fix it!  Half the battle is to own your part in why your relationships are constantly causing you to sabotage your happiness.

In cases like this it is a good idea to analyse when this first started happening for you.  Is this all you have ever known or is it a new obsessive habit?  Once you know what triggered this judgemental demeanor you are on your way to discovering a better you.  Most relationship issues like this are due to fear ~ fear of the unknown and “what ifs.”

Constantly living your life obsessing and worrying will never bring anything of substance into your world.  Being grateful for what is happening at every given moment will allow more amazing things to come your way because you are appreciating life as it unfolds.  You are looking at it in a positive way and are accepting of these new experiences, no matter how insignificant they may seem at the time.  Sometimes the smallest things in life end up being the biggest life changers.

Thanks for writing Jamie and for bringing this conversation to light for numerous other men & women dealing with the same issue.  If we all look deep inside ourselves we can usually find the answers we are searching for.  By bottling up our emotions and repeating old patterns we are not bettering who we are meant to be.  Growth is constant and never stops changing who we truly are.  Being aware that we can continually evolve right into our final years on earth is a gift we all have been given ~ don’t waste it on what ifs...

Susan McCord @