Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

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I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life.  Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.

Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other!

Not too long ago a friend of mine was publicly reprimanded by a male radio host for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way.

Why do we do this to each other and why are some men and women so damn angry?

People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people!

Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become negatively embedded into your mind.

The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is because both men and women lack ideas or creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date.  It also has a lot to do with self-esteem and fear of rejection as well.

The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario.

Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)

Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available at night clubs.

Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it also gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive hangout for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely and the pattern continues.

Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:

  • If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to what their profile says & notice any red flags with their pictures. Photos really are worth a thousand words on most online dating sites and many people choose to ignore these obvious signs!
  • Don’t get caught up and blinded by a person’s status! These are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type. These people usually frequent the same establishments and word travels fast. Do you really want to be known as a groupie? (You may not even be aware that you have this reputation.)
  • Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. They are usually pretty easy to spot so keep your eyes open and observe. Body language is also a dead giveaway.
  • Don’t allow yourself to be the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
  • People who only date the perfect & beautiful types.  Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.

External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.

Finding true love should not be abusive or emotionally painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.

If you classify yourself as a certain “type” or that you only like a certain type of person, you will be forever stuck in repetitive scenarios.  Fear can be a powerful relationship suppressor, so be cognizant of forming any patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of what may or may not happen.

Challenge those internal demons as to why you don’t feel worthy of having love in your life.

If you don’t have the strength to get out of  reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.)

Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance.  Everyone deserves love!

Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:

  1. Golf driving range or at an Executive Par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there. (Unless of course you are a great player!)
  2. Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
  3. The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
  4. Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
  5. Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
  6. Sporting venue (hockey game, baseball game, soccer match, golf spectator etc.)
  7. Any mingle social event or lounge  (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
  8. Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
  9. Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women attending who have similar interests as you. That way you already have something in common.
  10. Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.

The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship.

Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up!

You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It’s totally your decision and no one else.

We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.

Be open & ready to receive a loving partnership into your life. ❤

Susan McCord @ Please Check Out My YouTube Channel for Videos on similar topics!    The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

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A Male Opinion: It’s hard to meet women; they don’t give me the time of day!

Why are women so rude to men sometimes?I talk to many men via my blog and advice column about numerous topics relating to women, dating and relationships. The biggest complaint I hear is “It’s hard to meet women and they don’t give me the time of day!”

When I speak to women about this frustration from men they profusely disagree that this is not true.

Well… I can tell you that I have witnessed this behavior from a fair amount of ladies at different venues in various cities in North America and especially in Vancouver B.C. where I live! I honestly think that some women don’t realize how standoffish they can appear to others when they are out for the evening.

Body language tells a big story to the audience that’s watching.

Many guys tell me that they receive very little response back from their brave hello to women; unless of course they are the ultimate “bad boy” chick magnet! (But then they are not the ones complaining!)

Ladies I know there are some real dicks out there and that the majority of you are not ALL cold and unresponsive to men, but if dating is ever going to change you have to start being nice to guys who are pleasant and who acknowledge you. They don’t have to fit the criteria on your checklist.

A kind smile and a friendly hello doesn’t mean you have to date them! It’s called human “face to face” connection and something that is becoming obsolete these days!

Women say that men only care about hooking up and having sex. “They are not interested in a long term partnership!” While I have met many guys who do fit this description; I disagree that the majority of men do not ever want a committed relationship.

Men have told me that after so much rejection from women today, they just finally gave up looking for anything real and started to make it only about sex; as women seem to be OK giving that to them early on! (Maybe women need to talk about this with each other???)

I enjoy being around men; I understand men and I have often said I am coming back in my next life as a man! My girlfriends think I am out of my mind bat sh*t crazy. “Why would you ever want to be a guy?”

Because…it would be a nice change. 😉

Men get to be who they are without a lot of high maintenance daily rituals; as there are less expectations when it comes to physical appearance. They get to be strong minded without being labeled as a bitch. They can have sex with numerous women without being called any derogatory names. Men get to stand up to pee (so jealous!) and they can have a fight with their buddy & 10 minutes later have a beer together as if nothing has happened. All is forgiven and not held onto for an eternity! Women never forget and tend to hold grudges.

Don’t get me wrong; being a woman is pretty cool and definitely has many wonderful perks but I could do without some of nature’s gifts on the emotional and biological side. And yes…we can be bitches especially in Vancouver I am told!

OK…we understand that each gender has unique qualities; so why can’t men and women just accept the differences and get on with their lives instead of continually  pointing fingers about what they don’t like about one another?

  • Why are we fighting each other and repelling in the opposite direction of ever having a loving partnership?
  • Why is the Millennium one of the loneliest eras in relationship history? Is it because we think we can always do better and that our picky & judgemental ways are making every date a one night disaster?
  • When did wearing the wrong color socks or having fat ankles become a relationship deal breaker?
  • Why did the word ghosting become a regular habit in the dating arena? When did we become so rude by not showing up for a planned date because we were playing games & never intended to actually follow through with it, or because someone or something better came up!
  • Why have we lost all concern for human etiquette and respecting each others time and efforts?
  • Why are there so many angry comments from men about women on social media sites?

You don’t have to follow everyone else who has taken on some of these negative behaviors and you can stand out by not taking part in these ongoing endless rants about what isn’t transpiring between men and women!

Don’t let yourself fall into the pessimism of what isn’t working!

Fix it!

How does complaining about each other make things any better? Why would you ever give up on something an important as LOVE? I know things are repetitively annoying out there in the dating world but there are ways to change it.

You can start by putting the damn phone away. How can you possibly interact with anyone when your head is constantly positioned downwards? Your body language shows up as removed and far too busy to notice people around you.

If you want to have a relationship one day down the road you are going to have to resort to…wait for it…Eye contact!

I know righhht?

It’s actually not that difficult to fix this problem but I am starting to think everyone gets more empowerment from complaining about each other, then believing that there is someone amazing out there for them.

When people have been very hurt from a breakup or feel rejected; fear takes over and becomes the growing root of their loneliness. These pessimistic thoughts are dominating their path; therefore inhibiting and sabotaging their chance to be able find a loving partnership.

“You Must Believe to Achieve.” ❤

10 Simple Things to Think About to Help Change the Dynamics between Men & Women:

  1. Don’t turn your nose up at anyone who acknowledges you!
  2. Smile at people you are in close contact with at restaurants, at the gym or any social outing you are attending.
  3. Only use your phone for important messages when out for the evening! Stop with the selfie crap!
  4. Do not judge someone without even speaking to them.
  5. Make a point of having a small conversation with at least 3 people every time you go out. It will start to become a natural occurrence and also make others feel special & comfortable.
  6. Do not put anyone on the spot by asking personal questions about them. Be original!
  7. Do not have any expectations about them buying you a drink or dinner!
  8. Be interesting & fun! People are always observing from across the room and gravitate towards a positive personality.
  9. If someone asks you out on a date and you are not interested; be polite and respectful with your answer. Never give someone your number when you have no desire to see them again.
  10. Regardless of past hurt, it’s not just about you and what you want in your life. Make sure any conversations are a reciprocated scenario.

PS: Ladies if you need some help getting out of a dating slump/pattern or over a breakup or divorce come and join us every 2nd Tuesday in Kitsilano at my Single Women Meetup Group!

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show        Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

Dear Sybersue: Why do Some guys Come on so Fast and Then Disappear Just as Fast?

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Dear Sybersue,

I am writing in complete frustration and sadness about a dating dilemma I have been dealing with for as long as I can remember.  I am 25 years old and live in Chicago.  I am very fortunate to meet guys who I actually have a great chemistry with and many things in common with as well.  I do get asked out fairly often but the problem is what transpires after the first month or approximately 5-7 dates with them.  I don’t sleep with them right away but wait until I feel that they are not just there for sex.

All these guys seem really excited about our initial connection and say and do all the right things.  They even talk about the future and plan vacations, get me to meet all their friends and tell me how lucky we are to find each other!  It definitely makes a girl feel wanted and there is no question as to how they feel about me!  It’s hard not to really like them and respond back with the imgressame enthusiasm.  Things seem to be reciprocated and I think “Wow, I can see really myself with this guy for the long haul.”  Every date they are really excited to see me and send me many beautiful texts throughout the day. 

What happens next is they start pulling back and being distant.  Out of nowhere they stop making any effort and all those nice words have come to mean a bunch of BS!  I have even had a few
guys call me clingy!!  I didn’t change anything with my actions at all but they say I am the one who is moving way too fast!  Seriously this is messed up!  Why do they come in like a “bull in heat” and then run away saying I’m the one with the problem and I am too needy for them?!

I have had trust issues over the years as I was raised by a single mother & I had an absentee father who I only saw a few times over the years.  It took me a long time to learn how to let my guard down and let a man into my heart.  I guess I need some more work in that department judging by my choice in men these days. What do you suggest I do?  My self esteem is taking a beating and I have started to become a hermit and don’t want to be around people right now.

Thanks Sybersue, I am looking forward to hearing back from you, Amanda

❤ Click the link directly below to see Dear Sybersue’s Answer ❤

 http://www.theswexperts.com/why-do-some-guys-come-on-so-fast-and-then-disappear-just-as-fast/

Susan McCord’s Youtube Channel & Talk Show

Dating & Age Issues ~ It’s Never too late to Find Love!

Dear Sybersue is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages!

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord Discusses Dating at every age! How to combat the aging process and find love in your life regardless of each approaching birthday! We are all worthy of having love in our lives and sometimes it’s actually easier as we get older. The 20’s can be a very difficult time of trying to find out who you are and where you “fit” in life. Each decade brings us new things to deal with but it is how you handle them that makes the learning curve move along faster.

❤ Love has no age limit, it’s all about attitude and diversity! ❤

Susan McCord @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow
Please Subscribe to Dear Sybersue’s YouTube Channel

Dating Advice For Women ~ Men Want to Know why Some Women are so Aggressive After the 1st Date!

Dear Sybersue is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages! Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord discusses a question she has received from quite a few guys recently. They want to know why some women are so aggressive after the 1st date. They don’t wait for the guys to call or text and start contacting the men on a regular basis before the second date is even made. Why are some women so impatient? The men find this very unattractive and tell Sybersue how much it “turns them off!”

What do you think? Please leave your comments below the video.

Susan McCord’s YouTube Channel  @ http://www.youtube.com /twobeavers
Facebook Page @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

Advice for Men ~ How Much Interest Should I Show a Girl in the Beginning?

Marco asks Dear Sybersue a question regarding how much interest he should show to women he is dating in the early stages. What is too much?  Should he play it a little cooler?

Dear Sybersue,

I am enjoying my new dating life at the moment but I am still unsure whether my initial conversations with women are a bit too much sometimes.  If I like a woman I compliment her and tell her things like I am attracted to her, enjoy her sense of humor and tell her I would like to see her again.

I am not into playing games and want to be honest from the first date!

Is this OK or should I be pulling back more and keep her guessing?  My guy friends say I am way too nice and think I am a bit of a pushover. What do you think?  I appreciate your time and look forward to hearing what you have to say.

Thank you!

Marco

Please click on this link below to read Dear Sybersue’s answer

http://www.theswexperts.com/dating-advice-for-men-how-much-interest-should-i-show-a-girl-in-the-beginning/

Susan-McCord-Dear-Sybersue-How-much-interest-should-i-show

Susan Mccord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/DatingRelationshipTalkShow

Relationship Advice for Men & Women ~ The Living Together Checklist: Is it Time to Move In Together?

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We are very compatible but should we move in together?

Do couples really take enough time going over the “Living Together Checklist” before they decide to move in together? This list is a necessary tool to use when making such a committed decision.

Important questions to ask yourself:

  • How long have you known each other & do you really “know” them?
  • Why have you decided to live together?
  • How are your finances?
  • Is living together a matter of convenience or do you truly love your partner?
  • Are you moving in due to long distance relationship issues?
  • Do you know and love their quirks?
  • Are you settling due to your advancing age or fear of being alone?
  • Are you ready? (Believe it or not that is the biggest question of all!)
  • Where will you live together?  (You both have to be happy with this decision and it is always better if it is a neutral home you have chosen together and not one that either of you live in at the time ~ for obvious reasons.)

What should you be looking for in a reciprocated partnership and are you both looking for the same things down the road?

Have you discussed what your future roommate will be bringing into your shared home?  Do they have children?  Do they have big responsibilities due to pets or a dependent mother or father?  Home decorating can be a difficult compromise. She may be partial to pink ruffled pillows & lace curtains and want to renovate the den into a shoe closet, while he wants to hang his photo of “The Godfather” over the living room fireplace, prefers burlap beanbag chairs and wants to install full length ceiling mirrors & a swing in the bedroom.  (What’s wrong with that?  Come on ladies you really should be more flexible!)

What city do you want to reside in and are you OK if you or your partner might have to relocate due to a career situation?  Will this be a problem?  How do you get along with their family and if they don’t live in your vicinity will they be staying with you while visiting?  (Remember the movies Monster in Law & Meet the Fockers!)

Do you both want children?  How many and when would you like to start a family?  Is marriage a priority for either of you?  It is important to know that you are both on the same page with this and be really up front with your answer.  No sugar coating the answers if you are not into it or not going to be ready for 5 years.  Be fair to your partner and don’t just say what you think they want to hear.  There are many stories out there with this being a big problem ending in breakups and resentment.

Here is an important thing to discuss; what are the sexual expectations of your relationship?

Things can change drastically when you see each other every day.  It’s no longer quite as exciting as the early chase of a new love. You both have to work a little harder to keep the sex and intimacy exciting!  It really helps to keep things fresh when don’t see each other every evening.  Make plans once a week with friends so that your partner has time to miss you. Couples are happier when they don’t feel restrained in a relationship.  Talk about sex before you move in together, not after.  Discuss it outside the bedroom so there is no pressure in the heat of the moment.  Be really honest about what is important to you to ensure you are both comfortable about your desires and expectations in the love making department.  I shouldn’t have to say this but make sure you are sexually attracted to them and not just acting out the part because you want a committed partnership.  Sex and money are the two biggest reasons for the demise of a relationship!

You should not have to give up your hobbies or fitness regimens.  Having the occasional separate outing is healthy.  It gives you something different to talk about with your partner.  Cohabitating can be a lot of fun when you respect each other’s boundaries and appreciate the differences you both bring into the relationship.  Compromise is the key to longevity with most couples and so is a great sex life.  You’re not single anymore so don’t live that way in your partnership. There are two of you now.  Planning week long adventures on a monthly basis, golfing all weekend or making last minute plans without them will eventually lead to hurt and resentment.  The romance is not over the minute you sign a lease or the mortgage papers, it is even more important now than ever if you want to live in a happy environment.  So many people forget that simple part to help keep the love alive.  Small gestures go a long way in preserving love & happiness long term.

Many relationships break-up when the little aggravations are not addressed, also known as “irreconcilable differences!”

Some people really do sweat the small stuff in a partnership and can be quite high maintenance with their daily regimen. For starters, it is always a good idea to have two bathrooms in your communal pad due to obvious reasons.  Men have six bathroom items on their counter and they use I roll of toilet paper a month.  Women have 500 toiletry items and go through a 10 pack roll of 4 ply in a week!  (OK maybe that’s just at my house!)  Other things like towels on the floor, hair in the tub, remnants in the toilet, toothpaste on the mirror and lingerie hanging from the shower rod can eventually end a relationship due to constant bickering or lack of respect for each other’s space!

It’s not a bad idea to do a trial living arrangement  first.  This will tell you many things about each other.  Is someone more territorial in this new environment?  Are they easy going or controlling?  Discussing the living together checklist”  before you actually commit to it can be a really good training ground.  Communicating and paying attention to even the smallest details could save you many arguments and heartbreak as you work through them together.  It is easy to be attracted to someone and even love them, but it is not always easy to share your living environment with another person.  Even if the sex is unbelievable, it is not usually enough to sustain a partnership especially as the years wear on ~ you need to really like each other as well!  Coming home to someone you love everyday is a wonderful feeling and worth every moment of taking time to get to know them beforehand.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers