Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

Am I Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?

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I am saddened by how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have enjoying a successful dating life.  Both sexes must learn how to open up and talk to each other without initial harsh judgment or sabotage due to their own subconscious insecurities.

Men & women need to make an effort to understand their gender differences and embrace them instead of finding fault with each other!

Not too long ago a friend of mine was publicly reprimanded by a male radio host for a blog she posted about being an Alpha Female. The guy who started this negative feedback regularly discusses women on his show in a derogatory way.

Why do we do this to each other and why are some men and women so damn angry?

People are just not meeting face to face as often and it is so easy to vent their frustration behind a computer rather than figure out why things aren’t working for them. The biggest change you can make is to get outside and talk to real people!

Hiding behind your dating profile doesn’t help you mingle or give you incentive that there are some really great men and women out there in your city! Listening to others complain online about their dating woes or never meeting anyone of substance can become negatively embedded into your mind.

The reason online dating apps and computer dating is so popular is because both men and women lack ideas or creativity on where to rendezvous when they want to meet a potential date.  It also has a lot to do with self-esteem and fear of rejection as well.

The most obvious choice for many is the bar & nightclub scene. This is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it. There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part it is a short lived scenario.

Many people wake up the next day & seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. (This is mainly due to too much alcohol & lack of confidence to make the phone call. Or they can’t remember the conversation or what they even look like!!)

Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment to potentially meet someone but you have to be more confident to actually talk to them without the dance option available at night clubs.

Alcohol is a great relaxer for many women & it also gives men liquid courage to approach a woman. This is why the bar scene is a repetitive hangout for so many frustrated people. Unfortunately it is usually the same old story every weekend & everyone wakes up perturbed & lonely and the pattern continues.

Some of the situations to be aware of when meeting a potential partner:

  • If you are using online dating services be aware that some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship. Really pay attention to what their profile says & notice any red flags with their pictures. Photos really are worth a thousand words on most online dating sites and many people choose to ignore these obvious signs!
  • Don’t get caught up and blinded by a person’s status! These are men and women who only date or sleep with a certain high profile type. These people usually frequent the same establishments and word travels fast. Do you really want to be known as a groupie? (You may not even be aware that you have this reputation.)
  • Be aware of men & women who are looking for a sugar daddy/mama type lifestyle and will only date someone in this financial league. They are usually pretty easy to spot so keep your eyes open and observe. Body language is also a dead giveaway.
  • Don’t allow yourself to be the constant mistress! Married men will not come to you continually unless you are sending out vulnerable and available signals. You should never be OK being number 2 in a relationship.
  • People who only date the perfect & beautiful types.  Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Both sexes fall into this category.

External riches do not necessarily bring internal riches.

Finding true love should not be abusive or emotionally painful. Getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.

If you classify yourself as a certain “type” or that you only like a certain type of person, you will be forever stuck in repetitive scenarios.  Fear can be a powerful relationship suppressor, so be cognizant of forming any patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of what may or may not happen.

Challenge those internal demons as to why you don’t feel worthy of having love in your life.

If you don’t have the strength to get out of  reoccurring heart breaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead. (Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.)

Change up your dating patterns & the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance.  Everyone deserves love!

Some of the 10 best places to meet at least start up a good conversation:

  1. Golf driving range or at an Executive Par 3 course as less serious golfers will go there. (Unless of course you are a great player!)
  2. Tennis court (Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.)
  3. The gym (Be friendly & acknowledge people near you ~ Say hi & take off your headphones!) It really is the easiest place to strike up a conversation.
  4. Airport (Talk to people in the holding room or restaurants.)
  5. Hiking trails or a Beach/Park with high people traffic.
  6. Sporting venue (hockey game, baseball game, soccer match, golf spectator etc.)
  7. Any mingle social event or lounge  (Do not seat yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room.)
  8. Meet up groups (Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one of your own! Thursday night pub night or something to that effect.)
  9. Take a course or join a group activity where there will be men and women attending who have similar interests as you. That way you already have something in common.
  10. Speed Dating & Online Dating sites/apps (Do your homework & find the best ones that work for you.) Don’t waste much time texting back and forth. If they don’t want to meet up sooner than later, move on.

The worst thing you can do is stay home and complain that you are not meeting anyone or that all men and women are messed up. There are some wonderful people who are just as ready as you are to be in a loving relationship.

Don’t become a non-believer and get stuck in a circle of negative thinking. If it ain’t working change it up!

You are in charge of you, so listen to your instincts and work out the kinks that may be causing you to sabotage love from entering your life. It’s totally your decision and no one else.

We have to stop pointing fingers at each other and be responsible for our own happiness. Being defensive will not bring you what you are looking for long term; it will keep repelling it away from you.

Be open & ready to receive a loving partnership into your life. ❤

Susan McCord @ Please Check Out My YouTube Channel for Videos on similar topics!    The Dear Sybersue Talk Show 

Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

Online Dating Can be Frustrating but it Isn’t the Only Dating Platform

Remain Positive & Love Can Happen

Remain Positive & Love Can Happen

Meeting a potential life partner seems to be a big dilemma these days especially in Vancouver.  So many things have changed in the dating world leaving men & women questioning what they are supposed to do!

There is always a new dating app or online website to join so how is anyone supposed to know what to do with so many options?  To top it all off dating may have become even more confusing with the recent release of the Movie 50 Shades of Grey. Seriously, now what?  Are there new rules and is “romantic love making vanilla sex” something women are not interested in at all anymore? Should men all be renovating their bedrooms with new apparatuses and painting it red?

I have had many men write my advice column asking me why women are sending out so many mixed signals?  They come across tough like they don’t need a man in their life, yet they say are looking for a committed relationship!  Women say the same thing about men, so how will finding a loving partner, ever work with this jaded outlook from both sexes?  Is everyone pretending to be someone they aren’t just to fit in to whatever is trending at the moment?  So where do you find a compatible partner and who do you trust?

Some people are frustrated with online dating sites due to the superficial responses or lack of responses they receive.  They complain about the fees of certain websites but also argue that the free dating sites bring in members from other planets.  I have also heard many men and women discussing how much time they spend online and how hard it is just to find someone that is somewhat normal & doesn’t have an eye in the middle of their forehead.

Personally I think the big problem is that many people also pick apart the smallest things wrong with someone which alienates just about everyone online.  This is becoming a very sad scenario and just like the Tinder App, each person is only one swipe away from being eliminated but could have been very nice & possibly a wonderful match.

What person is flawless? Are you?

Hey, I have an idea…let’s all be less judgmental and think positive! Read between the lines, literally!  Human etiquette should be the top priority when you are on any dating platform and respecting yourself first is the only way you will truly meet someone wonderful to be a part of your life.

Do not allow emails or texting to go on forever before you actually meet them in person.  Make sure your profile and photos are not attracting the wrong people. No boob, butt selfies (Kardashian wannabees) or Speedo photos should be displayed unless you are looking for sex on the first date! Remember the old cliché; “pictures are worth a thousand words!”  (If you really want to get noticed and be known for nothing but your body you are much better off making a sex tape ~ much faster exposure!)

Saying that; do you really know how you come across to others?

Body language is a big problem and can be a huge turnoff without you even being aware of your actions. I have met people who said they were shy but they looked pretty angry or just plain stuck up to me. You know what I am talking about. 😉 Reputations are out in Cyberland more than ever now and a hard thing to shake once it is out there! It might be a good idea to be smart & think before you act or post anything.

Common sense goes a long way in the dating world, naivety does not.  I am a big advocate for online dating especially for people over 40.  I also think executive dating sites and “one on one” matchmaking are a good choice but they don’t come cheap.  Online dating isn’t the only platform out there, so if you find it frustrating right now take a break from it and try these other two options.

The Dinner Party is a great way to meet a potential date in Vancouver. Andrea Hill started this great dating idea on Valentine’s Day 2014 and already has success stories of couples meeting at her events that are now in a commitment relationship!  It is membership driven and has an extensive data base for the over 30 crowd!  Yes, it is open to men and women in their later years as well.  Finally!  People at every age are looking for love after all and everyone deserves love in their lives.

The dinner party concept is a good one as everyone attending is there for the same reciprocated purpose of meeting a suitable connection.  Each person has an interview with Andrea once becoming a DP member which enables her to put together like-minded people with similar profiles, goals and mutual attraction possibilities.  Andrea is there to host the evening ensuring conversation is flowing.  She checks in with all her guests within the next few days to see if anyone wants to exchange contact information with someone they may have had chemistry with.  There is no pressure at the dinner party because the rule is not to ask anyone out at the actual event.  It is all done through Andrea.

Check out the website to become a member and see further details on what Join The Dinner Party is all about.  It will get you off your couch, help you to meet new people with similar interests, eat some great food and actually talk to people “Face to Face!”  This has become a lost art and if we all don’t smarten up and start looking up from our computers and phones, there will be a new generation of human robots walking through the streets.

Speed dating can be another wonderful event to participate in where you actually talk to people in the flesh without texting each other for a month first!  There does seem to be an age restriction for women over 40 and men over 45 on one speed dating site at 25dates.com. Hmmm ~ curious as to why men are allowed to be 5 years older than women??

The Rendezvous Club offers separate speed dating evenings for ages 25-35, 30-45 & 40-55 for $50.  There are some of these events happening in March at the Lickerish venue downtown Vancouver.

What to Expect:

  • Arrive promptly dressed to impress!
  • Your Host will hand you a date card and name tag.
  • There will be a 20 minute mingle to have a drink & relax.
  • Women take their seats while men rotate around the table.
  • Each “date” encounter is 5 minutes.
  • There is an intermission where everyone enjoys appies & drinks.
  • At the end of the dating section everyone hands in their date card but can stay and mingle!
  • Within 48 hours you will receive an email with any matches on your date card.

In summary I would like to add that as difficult & lonely single life can be to many men and women in cities everywhere, don’t give up, get frustrated & become an negative person.  If something isn’t working try something else. You are in charge of how you are perceived, how much you allow in your life and how pessimistic or optimistic you are with everything that crosses your path.

Remove negative dating patterns and stop saying how hard it is to meet someone!  Put a spring in your step, a smile on your face and a sparkle in your eye.  I promise if you do that on a daily basis people will be drawn towards your infectious nature. It’s hard not to be attracted to happiness.

Happy Dating!

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers