How to Deal with Dating Insecurities & Inhibitions!

Stamps Landing Vancouver 2011

Get Out & Mingle to Remove Insecurities and Inhibitions

Dating Insecurities & Inhibitions!

Dating Insecurities is not the same thing as dating inhibitions but both scenarios will cause havoc in your love life if practiced on a regular basis.  Inhibitions can just be lack of experimentation or fear of the unknown.  Insecurities can be a lot stronger where help may be needed from a therapist to change a deep rooted problem.

What are some of the more common insecurities within our relationships?

  • Body Image is #1!
  • Intellect ~ are we smart enough for them and afraid of saying the wrong things?
  • Their career is intimidating ~they are more successful.
  • Asking yourself or them why they are with you ~ you don’t feel worthy.
  • They more outgoing than you. You feel overlooked and invisible in a group.
  • They are very attractive to the opposite sex!
  • They have a very strong sex drive & you worry they will wander.

On a sexual level if you have had only a few partners in your lifetime, you may feel intimidated with how to make yourself sexier due to your inexperience. There may be a fear of how to initiate something or communicate with your partner between the sheets. This is very common & can be addressed easily if you are with the right partner who cares about you. There will be an openness that encourages you as a couple to experiment comfortably because you are not judging each other.

On the flip side; if the only people you have slept with constantly tell you that you need to lose weight or criticize you in the bedroom, this will not only make you feel insecure, it will inhibit you from wanting to be a better lover.  A little encouragement goes a long way and if you are continually brow beaten into submission, you are not going to feel confident enough to bring out the tiger that lurks beneath.

There is making love and then there is sex; and with the right partner it can be mind blowing & life altering! How many times have you talked to your friends about what a good lover someone was, when really it was mostly about how they made you “feel” during that time? It wasn’t all about the happy ending but what happened in between that made you feel special. There was romance and a gentleness that allowed you to reciprocate the same back to your partner because they made you feel safe which allows the walls to come down.

Humans excel when they are complimented or rewarded with simple acknowledgement. Being a controlling person may get you want you want initially but after awhile it will be the demise of your relationship. Many of our choices are a reflection of how our life started in the early stages of our youth. Some of us chose a parent figure as a guideline or role model to mold ourselves after which can either be a good thing or bad thing. It is a visual behavior or pattern that many people fall into. If you spent much of your younger years being berated by your family or by bullies at school, your self esteem will play a huge part in who you become as an adult. The sooner we understand this the faster we will be able to change our beliefs and confidence levels.

What do we need to do to gain more confidence & lose our inhibitions that have plagued our growth & desires for too long?

Most of us are more comfortable with the “devil we know” as opposed to the one we don’t, so we continue to live in our childhood sandbox rather than venture outside to a new dimension. We are creatures of habit and are not overly comfortable in a completely new environment; so we repeatedly choose relationships that keep us from growing.  Therefore our inhibitions continue to “own” us.

Inhibitions are one of the reasons online dating has become so popular. It is easy to hide behind a computer & try to get to know someone through E-mails and text messages. It is not as intimidating as the initial face to face contact & there is much less personal rejection because they haven’t actually met them yet.  The problem with this type of dating is that you can take your time on the compute, unlike the bar situation where you only have a short time to take action before they leave. Unfortunately though the biggest complaint about dating sites/apps is that many people never actually end up meeting in person and spend way too much time texting without ever making a date.

Alcohol “liquid courage”is probably the most popular inhibition release there is. (I swear liquor stores would go out of business if people were as confident without it! How many people do you know that have got up to sing karaoke sober?) Social environments are popular when the booze is flowing generously, but at the end of the evening it may just be another story for the dating diary when you either add another booty call to the list, or hand out your number to someone who never ends up calling. It is always best to connect with people on a sober level regardless of how shy or insecure you may feel.  Practice makes perfect! The more you put yourself out there the more comfortable you will become with face to face connections.

If you feel overwhelmed by your inhibitions & insecurities observe the people you have allowed in your life.

  • Are your friendships healthy and reciprocated?
  • Are your family and friends genuinely interested in your happiness?
  • Is your job rewarding or deflating?
  • Are they encouraging or do they try to squash you and your achievements?
  • Do they offer assistance and support when things aren’t going well in your life?

Remember, inhibitions have to start somewhere. The more we alleviate negative behavior from our lives the more we will become comfortable to let down our guard to be more of who we actually are before the walls went up! We don’t start out frightened or afraid to try things, which is why many toddlers need to be watched carefully at early stages of their lives. They will try anything!  We become more inhibited and insecure as our lives unfold; especially if we have constant aversion.

The more you do something a little out of character, the more you get over your inhibitions.  Get out of your comfort zone as often as you can.  Do something daily that you would not normally do.  Experiment with strangers by talking with them, saying hello, or smiling.  Talk with “trusted” friends or family about your insecurities or inhibitions. It is also good to talk to a professional counselor as they will be nonjudgmental and it might make you open up even more.  By discussing these private subjects, it will enable you to learn how to actually deal with them because you are now aware of them.  They will be supportive & offer suggestions to help you get past it & make your life more rewarding.  Do the same for them as well.

Remember; we “all” have something we are insecure about & could use guidance on.  No one is immune to that.

Susan McCord ❤ Please Follow & Subscribe @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Feeling Blah about Life? Change your look right down to your underwear!

Feeling Blah about Life? Change your look right down to your underwear!

Change your look right down to your underwear!

Change your look right down to your underwear!

Are you feeling stuck and in need of some change in your life? Maybe you would like a new job, a new condo, a makeover or a new refreshed outlook in general? Whatever the case; you know that your self esteem could really use a little jump start to set you off in a new direction.

Sure that looks good on paper but how do we actually make it happen?

Some people need to have an excuse to alter their outlook and repetitive life patterns; which makes New Year’s Day or Birthdays the focal point for many people when setting a time frame to make those alterations. Why do most of us need a particular date to kick ourselves in the butt to make this happen? Not everyone is naturally motivated and many people are procrastinators due to not believing in themselves. They are afraid of failure therefore will tend to take the easy path in life, which isn’t really easy at all! When most things in life are ignored they have a tendency to build up in an aggravating way. Our health catches up with us,our finances aren’t where they should be and our careers and relationships are not in a comfortable place. We don’t feel good about ourselves and it starts to take a toll on our appearance as well.

Do we need a reason to care about how we look? Shouldn’t we always take pride in our appearance and attitude? Having a daily shower and brushing our teeth is a hygienic necessity but also makes us feel good. Why stop there? Some people take vanity to a self absorbed level of conceit but then there are also the people who really try hard to make the opposite statement by looking as bad as they possibly can. They take on a rebellious “I’m not here to impress anyone” defensive persona. Then they wonder why people are judging them and constantly staring at them. There are also people that really just don’t care or are just too lazy to make the effort.

Ladies; If you are single, why would you go to the super market or a movie in your sweatpants and no makeup on, and then complain how terrible you looked when you ran into a really attractive guy? If you care enough to make a comment about how bad you looked why go out in public like that? Most people really do care how they come across physically but pretend it’s not a big deal to them. (These are usually the people that complain they can’t get a date!) There is a happy medium and you can truly change your life with the right attitude.

When someone turns their head to look at you, does it not put a spring in your step?

Changing your look and attitude will help change your life in all areas. This is not just about dating or relationships. It also improves your work environment and friendships because you feel better about yourself! Contrary to all the Instagram girls and their long list of makeup tips and tutorials it really isn’t that difficult to look good!   It is only about making two or three changes. Makeover shows are popular for a reason! A few new pieces of clothing or a new hair cut can change your attitude, which ultimately changes how you come across to others.  It is an euphoric feeling  when you go beyond your comfort zone and it is often a door opener to other opportunities! Even one glance or compliment can bring you a renewed outlook.

Acknowledgment is a part of life that starts as an infant; making our parents smile from our first word, to their applause when we take our 1st step. It is what motivates our actions. It just escalates as we grow. Many adults still look for approval from their parents and we all want to hear we are doing a good job in our careers or in our classes at school.  If we get nothing back on a continual basis, most of us retreat into a lethargic and lonely place.

Pats on the back are adolescent building blocks!

Saying all this is wonderful but what do you do If your life is void of any type of encouragement? How do you start to feel good about yourself and build confidence?

  • Start by caring about your how you look!  Don’t be lazy with your style~ add a little pizzazz and color to your closet. Go to a consignment store if you are on a tight budget. There’s lots of goodies to be found at these establishments.
  • If you want people to notice you, show them you’re a fun person to be around. Stand out a little more and add to the conversation rather than sitting back and only listening.
  • Dress like you care and actually like yourself. Ask a friend to help if you are not sure what to wear.
  • Buy at least one article that is out of your comfort zone but makes you feel sexy and classy!
  • Take care of your hair and change the style every year or two.
  • Leave toques and baseballs hats for cold weather & sporting events. Don’t make it your daily attire; especially if you are out on a date!
  • When you wear sexy underwear you will feel sexy!
  • Don’t hang out with Debbie Downers. Put yourself around positive people who are not judgmental and negative.
  • Start something you always wanted to do but were afraid of doing it. Start with something small and then build up to the more challenging things.

Some people go to great lengths to put out, “I’m too cool to care,” but realistically everyone does care to some degree. Listen to how people treat you. If they giving up their seat for you on the bus and you are only 45, you need to reevaluate your lifestyle! An inexpensive makeover and attitude adjustment will work wonders for your self esteem regardless of each approaching birthday. It’s never to late to make some changes into your life and you can look good at any age. Like anything in life it takes a little bit of effort to make good thing happen but it is so worth it in the end! Embrace change and life with a passion to keep your spirit young forever.

Susan McCord @

Dear Sybersue: Why do Some guys Come on so Fast and Then Disappear Just as Fast?


Dear Sybersue,

I am writing in complete frustration and sadness about a dating dilemma I have been dealing with for as long as I can remember.  I am 25 years old and live in Chicago.  I am very fortunate to meet guys who I actually have a great chemistry with and many things in common with as well.  I do get asked out fairly often but the problem is what transpires after the first month or approximately 5-7 dates with them.  I don’t sleep with them right away but wait until I feel that they are not just there for sex.

All these guys seem really excited about our initial connection and say and do all the right things.  They even talk about the future and plan vacations, get me to meet all their friends and tell me how lucky we are to find each other!  It definitely makes a girl feel wanted and there is no question as to how they feel about me!  It’s hard not to really like them and respond back with the imgressame enthusiasm.  Things seem to be reciprocated and I think “Wow, I can see really myself with this guy for the long haul.”  Every date they are really excited to see me and send me many beautiful texts throughout the day. 

What happens next is they start pulling back and being distant.  Out of nowhere they stop making any effort and all those nice words have come to mean a bunch of BS!  I have even had a few
guys call me clingy!!  I didn’t change anything with my actions at all but they say I am the one who is moving way too fast!  Seriously this is messed up!  Why do they come in like a “bull in heat” and then run away saying I’m the one with the problem and I am too needy for them?!

I have had trust issues over the years as I was raised by a single mother & I had an absentee father who I only saw a few times over the years.  It took me a long time to learn how to let my guard down and let a man into my heart.  I guess I need some more work in that department judging by my choice in men these days. What do you suggest I do?  My self esteem is taking a beating and I have started to become a hermit and don’t want to be around people right now.

Thanks Sybersue, I am looking forward to hearing back from you, Amanda

❤ Click the link directly below to see Dear Sybersue’s Answer ❤

Susan McCord’s Youtube Channel & Talk Show

Dating & Age Issues ~ It’s Never too late to Find Love!

Dear Sybersue is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages!

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord Discusses Dating at every age! How to combat the aging process and find love in your life regardless of each approaching birthday! We are all worthy of having love in our lives and sometimes it’s actually easier as we get older. The 20’s can be a very difficult time of trying to find out who you are and where you “fit” in life. Each decade brings us new things to deal with but it is how you handle them that makes the learning curve move along faster.

❤ Love has no age limit, it’s all about attitude and diversity! ❤

Susan McCord @
Please Subscribe to Dear Sybersue’s YouTube Channel

Dating Advice For Women ~ Men Want to Know why Some Women are so Aggressive After the 1st Date!

Dear Sybersue is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Advice Talk Show for Men & Women of all Ages! Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord discusses a question she has received from quite a few guys recently. They want to know why some women are so aggressive after the 1st date. They don’t wait for the guys to call or text and start contacting the men on a regular basis before the second date is even made. Why are some women so impatient? The men find this very unattractive and tell Sybersue how much it “turns them off!”

What do you think? Please leave your comments below the video.

Susan McCord’s YouTube Channel  @ /twobeavers
Facebook Page @

Relationship Advice for Men & Women ~ The Living Together Checklist: Is it Time to Move In Together?


We are very compatible but should we move in together?

Do couples really take enough time going over the “Living Together Checklist” before they decide to move in together? This list is a necessary tool to use when making such a committed decision.

Important questions to ask yourself:

  • How long have you known each other & do you really “know” them?
  • Why have you decided to live together?
  • How are your finances?
  • Is living together a matter of convenience or do you truly love your partner?
  • Are you moving in due to long distance relationship issues?
  • Do you know and love their quirks?
  • Are you settling due to your advancing age or fear of being alone?
  • Are you ready? (Believe it or not that is the biggest question of all!)
  • Where will you live together?  (You both have to be happy with this decision and it is always better if it is a neutral home you have chosen together and not one that either of you live in at the time ~ for obvious reasons.)

What should you be looking for in a reciprocated partnership and are you both looking for the same things down the road?

Have you discussed what your future roommate will be bringing into your shared home?  Do they have children?  Do they have big responsibilities due to pets or a dependent mother or father?  Home decorating can be a difficult compromise. She may be partial to pink ruffled pillows & lace curtains and want to renovate the den into a shoe closet, while he wants to hang his photo of “The Godfather” over the living room fireplace, prefers burlap beanbag chairs and wants to install full length ceiling mirrors & a swing in the bedroom.  (What’s wrong with that?  Come on ladies you really should be more flexible!)

What city do you want to reside in and are you OK if you or your partner might have to relocate due to a career situation?  Will this be a problem?  How do you get along with their family and if they don’t live in your vicinity will they be staying with you while visiting?  (Remember the movies Monster in Law & Meet the Fockers!)

Do you both want children?  How many and when would you like to start a family?  Is marriage a priority for either of you?  It is important to know that you are both on the same page with this and be really up front with your answer.  No sugar coating the answers if you are not into it or not going to be ready for 5 years.  Be fair to your partner and don’t just say what you think they want to hear.  There are many stories out there with this being a big problem ending in breakups and resentment.

Here is an important thing to discuss; what are the sexual expectations of your relationship?

Things can change drastically when you see each other every day.  It’s no longer quite as exciting as the early chase of a new love. You both have to work a little harder to keep the sex and intimacy exciting!  It really helps to keep things fresh when don’t see each other every evening.  Make plans once a week with friends so that your partner has time to miss you. Couples are happier when they don’t feel restrained in a relationship.  Talk about sex before you move in together, not after.  Discuss it outside the bedroom so there is no pressure in the heat of the moment.  Be really honest about what is important to you to ensure you are both comfortable about your desires and expectations in the love making department.  I shouldn’t have to say this but make sure you are sexually attracted to them and not just acting out the part because you want a committed partnership.  Sex and money are the two biggest reasons for the demise of a relationship!

You should not have to give up your hobbies or fitness regimens.  Having the occasional separate outing is healthy.  It gives you something different to talk about with your partner.  Cohabitating can be a lot of fun when you respect each other’s boundaries and appreciate the differences you both bring into the relationship.  Compromise is the key to longevity with most couples and so is a great sex life.  You’re not single anymore so don’t live that way in your partnership. There are two of you now.  Planning week long adventures on a monthly basis, golfing all weekend or making last minute plans without them will eventually lead to hurt and resentment.  The romance is not over the minute you sign a lease or the mortgage papers, it is even more important now than ever if you want to live in a happy environment.  So many people forget that simple part to help keep the love alive.  Small gestures go a long way in preserving love & happiness long term.

Many relationships break-up when the little aggravations are not addressed, also known as “irreconcilable differences!”

Some people really do sweat the small stuff in a partnership and can be quite high maintenance with their daily regimen. For starters, it is always a good idea to have two bathrooms in your communal pad due to obvious reasons.  Men have six bathroom items on their counter and they use I roll of toilet paper a month.  Women have 500 toiletry items and go through a 10 pack roll of 4 ply in a week!  (OK maybe that’s just at my house!)  Other things like towels on the floor, hair in the tub, remnants in the toilet, toothpaste on the mirror and lingerie hanging from the shower rod can eventually end a relationship due to constant bickering or lack of respect for each other’s space!

It’s not a bad idea to do a trial living arrangement  first.  This will tell you many things about each other.  Is someone more territorial in this new environment?  Are they easy going or controlling?  Discussing the living together checklist”  before you actually commit to it can be a really good training ground.  Communicating and paying attention to even the smallest details could save you many arguments and heartbreak as you work through them together.  It is easy to be attracted to someone and even love them, but it is not always easy to share your living environment with another person.  Even if the sex is unbelievable, it is not usually enough to sustain a partnership especially as the years wear on ~ you need to really like each other as well!  Coming home to someone you love everyday is a wonderful feeling and worth every moment of taking time to get to know them beforehand.

Susan McCord @

Dating Advice: Best Tips on How to Entice a Woman

#TBT #talkshow #datingadvice #datingtips #howtoenticeawoman #Vancouvertalkshow

Do men really know how to entice a woman that they are interested in?

Many men are confused about what to do these days with so many independent women out there! These simple tips will get you talking to the woman of your dreams. Don’t be shy guys and let her slip away never to be seen again. Be proactive and make it happen. We all spend so much time saying “what if” when we should be saying “why not!”

Susan McCord ~