find love

Don’t Give up on Love & Relationships!
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Don’t Give up on Love & Relationships!

Dear Sybersue discusses how many men and women are sad, lonely or angry about the difficulties in finding a solid partnership today.

Many people are giving up on ever having a loving relationship due to all the high maintenance attitudes and lengthy checklists they come across in the dating world of the Millennium.

With all the world problems that effect us every day shouldn’t we try to at least have love in our personal lives? Isolating ourselves in a negative and angry environment is not the answer to attracting the love we all deserve to have.

I don’t believe for a moment that people really don’t want a relationship.  I think this attitude is due to past rejections, crushed egos, fear on what hasn’t worked and how difficult it is to find authentic love today.

People are becoming more shallow and have higher expectations than ever before. Why has this happened and how do we change things up so that we can have love in our lives?

Please watch the video above and leave your comments below this post. What do you think is going on?

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Facebook/dearsybersue
twitter/susanmccord
instagram/dearsybersue

Why Do Women Play so Many Games? How Do I know if She is Into Me?
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Why Do Women Play so Many Games? How Do I know if She is Into Me?

Dear Sybersue answers a popular question from men on her advice column!

They want to know why women are not authentic with their feelings and play so many pretentious games on the first few dates!

Men are confused and getting fed up with dating games of the millennium! “Why don’t women just say what they really mean? Do they think that by playing “hot & cold” it will keep the guy interested?”

That’s another question…How does a guy know if she is even interested in him???

There are way too many mixed signals going on! Both men and women need to just be themselves and stop with this push/pull scenario that is happening out there. The women are also complaining that the men act interested only until they get a woman between the sheets! Some women say this is one of the reasons they are pulling back from men.

Unfortunately this isn’t the answer and if you want a real relationship you have to be real! Stop with the games and show your date “the fun side” of the person that you are. If you can’t be your authentic self then maybe you’re not ready to date. That goes for both sexes!

Please leave your comments below if you have some great answers to this question! 🙂

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
Dear Sybersue Facebook Page

 

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Love Gone Wrong Could Be Something You Needed to Learn about Yourself!

Does love NOT come easy for you?

Are you having trouble maintaining a relationship?

We are the ones who are responsible for choosing the people we allow in our lives but when a relationship doesn’t work out we still want to put the blame on the other person. Why is that? Because then we don’t have to look too deep into what is really going on!

Life lessons can be difficult but they are much easier to move past when you take ownership of your actions and personal choices. It allows you to grow as an individual and become a better person with each “aha moment.”

Staying in denial and continually playing the victim, does not help you find happiness. It keeps you in a stagnant and negative alignment with everything around you.

If you find that you are becoming jaded or angry about believing in love, then it might be time to take a long hard look in the mirror. Are you sabotaging your happiness because of a deep rooted belief or hurt?

Any prolonged emotion that you “take on” is something that you really need to deal with. It can be all consuming and can lead you into the wrong direction over and over again. Don’t ignore your feelings; work through them.

Watch the video above to help you deal with another broken partnership. There may be something that you can change to help you meet the right person and have a long term commitment.

It’s never too late to be an even better version of who you already are. ❤

Please leave your comments below to let others know how you handled this situation .

Susan McCord @ facebook/dearsybersue
The Dear Sybersue YouTube Talk Show
Dear Sybersue Blogs & Videos

 

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Dating Advice: Are you a Yes Girl?

So are you?

Are you a Yes girl when you are dating someone new? Are you overly accommodating and super agreeable with everything? Do you jump at the chance to see them again and are available even at the last minute?

Compromising in any relationship is a good thing but never lose yourself in the process.

The man you are dating wants you to be yourself and is not looking for a doormat partnership. He wants to have discussions with a woman who is smart and has an opinion about things in life. He also wants her to have her own passions and hobbies that make her happy.

It doesn’t mean you are opposites when you have a few separate interests as long as you do things enjoyable together as well. If someone wants you to be there 24/7 and ends up controlling your every move, you want to run away as soon as possible. Many guys run away from women who are too needy and available as well. It becomes boring, routine and predictable!

Who wants that long term?

Keeping a little mystery alive in your partnership and holding onto your self-respect, will keep a man interested and coming back for more because he can breath freely without feeling suffocated.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Lifestyle Talk Show

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Dear Sybersue: Women Confuse The Crap Out Of Me!

Pixabay sad man-390587_960_720                     

Dear Sybersue,

OK bear with me while I vent a little here. Grrrrrrr

I am a decent looking guy in my early 30’s that is single but ready to find that special woman to settle down with. I usually meet women online and Tinder seems to be the App that I use most frequently.  I know it is not everyone’s choice but I like the simplicity of it. (OK saying that out loud makes me sound a little shallow doesn’t it; sort of like I don’t want to put in too much effort?)  I’m actually not a bad guy but like most men we are not into anything complicated, especially in the female department!

So; my questions are:

  • Why do women text so often and expect an instant reply every time?
  • Why do they pretend to like certain things that I like in the beginning, but actually have no interest in them after we have established a connection?
  • Why are they so easy to get into bed but play the high maintenance card in all other areas?

I have spoken with many of my male friends regarding these questions and none of us know the answers, or how to meet a quality “drama free” lady that we can share our lives with. Women seem to be clones of each other today; all acting alike and looking alike too!

What should I do differently to attract someone who is not a fake like all these online ladies I am meeting right now.

Thank you Sybersue!

Ben H.

Dear Ben,

I chose your email to post online due to the amount of other men writing me with similar questions.

It is not an easy time in our new world of technology communication and our human etiquette skills are buried under our keyboards and smart phones. We are losing our way and becoming disconnected in non-existent discussions due to the lack of meeting in face to face scenarios.

Our expectations are over the top and our patience levels are minimal. We want it NOW and if a few things aren’t perfect we move on to the next swipe on our phone or a new profile photo on various dating sites.

I will answer your questions in order that you asked them:

Answer to #1 Question: Why do women text so often and expect a reply instantly every time?

  • Women like to know you are thinking about them…a lot!
  • She is trying to be playful with the texts and is looking for a response from you that shows you really like her.
  • Some women are more aggressive than others but it’s up to you from that first date to let her know truthfully whether you are interested or not. Don’t pretend if you’re not; move on! Be upfront but gentle but don’t just stop texting or ghost her.
  • Don’t leave her with questions. If you enjoyed the date, tell her that you would like to see her again and phone her with a plan for a few days down the road.
  • Tell her you are too busy at work to text back & forth all day and you will contact her when you have time later in the day.
  • Watch for red flags on the first date. Is she needy, does she tell you every little thing about herself and what she wants in her 5 year plan?
  • Be careful what signs you give her early on. If she thinks you are really interested in her it will give her the green light to pursue it further with you. Tell her you prefer to take things slow and you are not into a fast courtship. If she continues to be pushy after all of the above, it is time for you to end things.
  • If you are really not that interested do not have sex with her. Some women become very attached emotionally after being intimate with a man.

Answer to #2 Question: Why do they pretend to like certain things that I like in the beginning but actually have no interest in them after we have established a connection?

  • I think both sexes are a little guilty of doing this. We want to impress each other so much in the beginning that we get a little over excited and exaggerate about our hobbies, passions and activities. Some women say they like something to keep you interested so that you will call them again.
  • She could be truthfully interested in something you like doing but may not be very good at it; so she makes excuses why she can’t do it at that particular time you ask her.
  • She could just be fake and saying anything what you want to hear to get your attention.
  • If it is something that is really important to you and your future relationship, you will need to push the interest level and call her bluff on it. Waiting a year down the road and then realizing you are opposites in many ways, will end up causing big problems or the end of you as a couple!
  • Listen closely to what she says and always be aware of the truth and her sincerity by paying attention to your instincts. Your gut is seldom wrong!

Answer to #3 Question: Why are women so easy to get into bed but play the high maintenance card in all other areas?

  • This one baffles me a lot too but there are two main reasons that women sleep with men so quickly. The first one is because they think men will run away if they don’t have sex on the first night and the second reason is they think it gives them more power with you. Once they have shown you their “worldly goods” you owe them something in return.
  • Some women use this sex weakness (sorry guys, it had to be said) to get financial rewards. Once they establish a certain system with you & your wallet, it becomes an expectation.
  • Don’t pay for everything and she will not be allowed to be high maintenance. If you want to find out if she is with you because she actually “likes you for you,” then don’t be so willing to give her everything on a silver platter before you even know her. Some guys like to show off a little in the beginning but it sets the wrong precedence and changes the dynamics in the early stages of what could have been a partnership.
  • Make sure you are not choosing the same type of women all the time and getting yourself into a pattern. We often don’t see this within ourselves and it is the reason we continually get frustrated when our dating life continues to disappoint us. If you are always attracted to the perfect “10” female with looks being the top priority, you will end up back in the high maintenance category over and over again.
  • Revise your checklist! Even if you don’t have one down on paper, just thinking about ALL the things you want in a woman could be jeopardizing your happiness. You could actually be the one that is high maintenance.

Don’t ever give up on Love. ❤ Be honest with yourself and what you are really looking for in a partner. You are in charge of who you attract towards you so you may have to change up your thought process to bring that special woman towards you.

It does take two to make a relationship work so try to remember that you are the one responsible with who you are meeting and allowing into your life. If it’s not working then you have nothing to lose by changing it up.

Most women are wonderful and really do want a loving man to share their world with. If you want a nice girl who is compatible with you and fun to be around, put it out there and visualize her! Knowing what you want is half the dating battle because most people talk about what they don’t want in a relationship but seldom talk about the positive things that they do want.

Let me know what transpires in the next few months. I will look forward to hearing how things are going for you romantically.

Wishing you love and happiness always. ❤

Sybersue

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Dear Sybersue: Why are Men and Women Becoming so Angry when it Comes to Dating?

 

Dear Sybersue,

I am a 28 year old single guy who is above average looking and very fit! I have a great job that pays well and I live on my own in a trendy area of Vancouver, Canada. That all sounds good I know, but the reason I am writing is because I can’t seem to meet a woman who doesn’t have baggage or a sour outlook on men in general.

But that’s not all…

I hear my guy friends complaining all the time that women are either too independent or too high maintenance! They are turning into angry guys when it comes to dating or relationships and it’s not much fun going out with them these days. They just sit there harshly criticizing any woman who walks into the room! I admit I am not always positive about things but this is really starting to get to me! It doesn’t end here though as even my female friends are now constantly bitching about guys as well!

How did we get here?

I used to think it was just a Vancouver thing, but I often travel for work in the U.S. and it seems like the same problems exist in many of the big cities there as well. People are becoming so self absorbed and it is scary how cold we are acting towards each other. I am not a shy guy and usually have no problem opening up to women but this attitude is making me back away from even wanting to be in a relationship! I blame online dating sites for this because it has made both men and women so lazy when it comes to meeting someone in person.

What do you suggest?

Nathan

Hi Nathan,

Thanks for writing and it is nice to hear from a man in my own city! I couldn’t agree more with you about what is going on with men and women today! This is one of the reasons I decided to do a video on the topic. It really saddens me how angry some people have become when it concerns matters of the heart. Things are very different in the dating world and it really depends on how we individually cope with these changes rather than all fall into a negative place. So far we are not handling it well and things have almost become competitive between men and women!

Women have fought for a very long time to be accepted in the workforce, politics and many other areas where they were shunned from acceptance for hundreds of years. It is a new world but both sexes have not learned how to handle the equal power shift. Some women take it too far and come across controlling and some men are still from the old school where they think women should be in career status or “wifely duties.”

With any big change there is an adjustment period but there is always some good that comes out of it. Men are fighting back in divorce court and obtaining their rights financially and as fathers with child custody and better visitation with their children. Women are finally getting paid the same amount for the same job as their male colleagues, which is also a great change. Now we just need to get both sexes talking and appreciating each other!

So what can you do to change this for yourself Nathan?

1. Stand out and be different from everyone else. Be that fun guy that people want to be around.
2. Don’t let other people’s negativity make you negative.
3. Stop going out with the guys that are being nasty towards women and find other non judgmental people to socialize with.
4. Vancouver has numerous meet-up groups that are always short of men! I go to a few myself and there are some amazing ladies in the room! It is less intimidating for women to meet a guy in a causal setting than in some obvious pickup venue.
5. Start talking to women everywhere you go; a smile and a hello goes a lot further than you think. If they ignore you that’s their problem. Don’t make it yours. Continuing to be friendly and personal, will open up the communication lines and at the very least put you in a better head space.
6. When your buddies start talking crap about women, take the opposite approach and turn the conversation around into a positive direction. Misery loves company and if you don’t partake in their rants, they will eventually stop doing it in front of you.

Don’t ever give up on love. If it were always easy to find, it wouldn’t be as valuable. Meeting someone to have as a life-long partner is not a simple task and nor should it be. It is a journey with lots of forks in the road which is the pattern of life in general. (Understanding early which path to take, will make life less stressful.) Keep believing, stay optimistic and remove yourself away from people that bring you down. Changing your environment will bring you healthy rewards.

Let me know how things go Nathan!

Dear Sybersue                                                                                                                             

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Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend Vanished after 10 months but 1 Year Later he wants to Come Back!
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Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend Vanished after 10 months but 1 Year Later he wants to Come Back!

Can Love Blossom the Second Time Around

Can Love Blossom the Second Time Around

My Boyfriend Vanished after 10 months but 1 Year Later he Wants to Come Back.

Dear Sybersue,

I was dating this 36 year old guy for 10 months and instead of telling me he wanted to break-up he just stopped contacting me all together! He told me he loved me all the time and although we weren’t living with each other, we spent 4-5 days a week together.

There were no hints or red flags that he was unhappy, he just vanished without a word. I was heart-broken and when I tried calling him he did not return any of my calls or texts.  He actually ended up blocking my number!  It has been 1 year since he walked away and he has now apologized and told me he wants to get back together again.  There wasn’t much substance to his apology and he just basically said he felt differently after about 6 months into our relationship and wanted out.

He says he misses me but he is not ready for any big commitment right away but wants to see how things go.

What do you think, should I let him back in?

Caroline

Dear Caroline,

This guy sounds flakey to me. If a relationship is on the right path why would anyone need to remove themselves from someone they love? I am glad to hear he apologized but he seems to lack sincerity with his words and actions and I am not sure he understands how all of this has affected you. He came back calling all the shots and already threw out the “not ready for any big commitment” comment so he doesn’t sound anymore ready to be in a permanent relationship than he was the first time. He is 36 years old and should have handled this whole thing with more respect and maturity towards you. That is what you should really think about here.

There are also many questions you need to ask yourself Caroline:

  • Why did he feel the need to block your calls rather than discuss the reason he left?
  • What took him a year to come back and what made him come back?
  • What did he do in that year while he was away from you?
  • Did he leave you for another person?
  • Do you really love him and could you trust him again?
  • Was he faithful to you while he was with you?

You were finally moving on emotionally and he walks back in tugging on your heartstrings. I can see why you would be confused because you did not have any closure or explanation as to why he just pulled away and left.  I am not an advocate of on & off again partnerships, but occasionally (and I use the word lightly) there is a valid reason why someone walked away & they deserve a second chance. You know in your heart if he is there for the right reasons. Listen to your instincts because they are seldom wrong. Many people choose to ignore their spidey senses because they want to believe something is there when it really isn’t. If we all listened to our gut whenever we felt that nagging twinge, we would have so much less heartache throughout our lives.

Remember that when a relationship is right, it isn’t that difficult and there are very few questions. Putting in too much time with the wrong person can take away time from meeting the right person. He didn’t really seem to have a valid reason for leaving a year ago so what will prevent him from doing it again?  Remember the old saying “actions speak louder than words” which may be something to think about in your situation. His actions were pretty clear! You deserve real love in your life, always believe that.

Keep me posted & thank you for writing!

Sybersue ❤    Please check out Dear Sybersue Talk Show