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Why Does My Partner Say He loves Me But He’s Not Ready to Commit?

Today on Dear Sybersue, I discuss the question: Why Does My Partner Say He Loves Me But He’s Not Ready to Commit?

The short answer is because he is NOT READY to commit. He is telling you the truth, so hear what he is saying. He told you this to warn you early on that he cares about you, but he probably won’t be there in the way that you might like him to be.

Whatever the reason is for him not wanting a commitment doesn’t really matter because that is his own personal stuff to figure out. The important thing here is that you listen closely to what he is actually saying. If you continue to give energy to a guy who has told you flat out that he isn’t invested in having a committed partnership, then unfortunately you will be sadly disappointed when it continues to stay true down the road.

He could be dealing with some past heartbreak or childhood issues that are keeping him a little stuck, but unless he expresses that and decides to get some counseling to help him move forward, there isn’t too much that you can do. There are also some people who just simply don’t want to be committed to one person for the rest of their life. Not everyone believes in marriage or has the need to find their soul mate.

I am sure he does love you, but sometimes that isn’t enough to sustain a relationship.

It is very difficult to walk away from someone when you have fallen in love with them. This is why the first 3-6 months in a new relationship is the most important time to stay alert and pay close attention to any red flags. Once sex is introduced and the “I love you’s are flowing, any common sense you usually have can fly right out the window. It is such a great euphoric feeling that you can overlook some early problems and minimize their importance.

That is what gets us into trouble in situations that aren’t good for us!

You obviously want more from a partner who is committed to being in a relationship with you. This should be your top priority. Sticking around hoping your partner will eventually change his mind is not conducive to your well-being, and it is a one-sided desire.

He is not invested as much as you are right now. When you sincerely love someone, you want to be with them, and you certainly don’t tell them you’re not interested having in a serious commitment. It’s not the first thing that comes out of your mouth when your heart is truly captivated by someone special.

Are you willing to take the gamble that he will eventually commit to you?

Even if you do stay with him secretly hoping he will change his mind down the road, are you willing to take that risk and then find out 3-5 years later that he really meant it? It isn’t your place to try to change his mind, but it is your place to take charge of what you want in your life and to understand what is very important to you. Sometimes saying “I love you” just isn’t enough. 💔

Ensure that the love you feel is real because quite often it is can be just a matter of wanting what you can’t really have. This can become a game of chase due to a crushed ego. When someone comes into your life that you are attracted to, but they have limitations as to how connected they can be with you, it can put you in a place of trying to prove them wrong. This doesn’t usually end well, and you can end up getting the short end of the stick and a broken heart to go with it.

Try not to look at it as rejection because the fact that your boyfriend told you in the very beginning that he wasn’t interested in a committed partnership, were his initial feelings, and he was being true to what is important to him at this time in his life. That doesn’t make him a bad guy. While it may hurt you that he doesn’t feel the same way as you do, he is doing you a favor by being honest with you.

If it is really bothering you, it may be time to move on to find a more suitable partner who wants the same things that you do. Don’t give any more energy to someone who has been very clear about what they don’t want in their future. He may come around one day, but you will probably have to walk away to find that out because I’m pretty sure an ultimatum won’t work.

Don’t spend time waiting for someone to love you the way you want them to. It should be a smooth and natural progression when you are with the right person. There aren’t a lot of questions, and the love you share is mutual. You are on the same path as to where you want to go in your partnership, and you are excited about your future together.

*Please watch the video above for more information on this topic and leave your comments below! Thank you!

Sybersue xo <3

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