Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend is a Nice Guy but I Like Bad Boys!!

Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend is a Nice Guy but I Like Bad Boys!!

Why do I Always go for the Bad Boys?

Why do I Always go for the Bad Boys?

Dear Sybersue:

I have been dating my boyfriend Andrew exclusively for 1 year now and I really do love him. He is ready to take the next step and move in together but I am questioning whether we are a good match for a long term commitment. He is the ultimate nice guy and is everything a girl would want! He really is a perfect boyfriend. I never have to question things or try to figure him out because he is always so even keeled and non confrontational. Our sex life is good; a little on the vanilla side but I am very attracted to him physically!

The problem is:

I am used to bad boys and really miss the excitement of it all! I am 31 years old and should be ready for a real relationship by now, but there is something that keeps pulling me back from wanting a normal conventional existence with one guy. I miss the intensity of bad boy sex and spontaneous get-togethers from my past a year ago. I know I should be thankful that I have someone in my life who loves me unconditionally without all the B.S. of a guy who is only there for a “good time not a long time,” but I admit I am a little bored with Andrew.

What do you suggest I do?

Thanks Sybersue, April84

Dear April,

Have you ever thought about what it would be like for you not to have Andrew in your life? Are you possibly taking him for granted because he is always available and there for you? Maybe you are used to the up and down drama from your past “bad boy relationships” and miss that intensity of the constant mystery. Are you really OK with your past booty call lifestyle and can you see that continuing on for the rest of your life? If your sex-life is too vanilla with Andrew then you need to discuss ways to spice it up. Tell him what you like and take the initiative to change it. Most guys are pretty open to new things in the bedroom!

Click here to read the rest of Dear Sybersue’s answer

dear-sybersue-my-bf-is-a-nice-guy-but-i-like-bad-boys SWSusan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew  Post  (by Andrea Wesley The Bolde.com)

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew Post (by Andrea Wesley The Bolde.com)

Photo Credit: WeHeartIt TheBolde.com

Photo Credit:
WeHeartIt at TheBolde.com

This guest post is written by Andrea Wesley from The Bolde! She is one of my talk show co-hosts who has been in my life for over 5 years now. Although Andrea and I are from two different generations we have spent many afternoons discussing dating and relationship topics to no end! Regardless of what birthday you are approaching there is always something to talk about when it comes to love or lack of it! Some of us take longer roads to get there but there is always something to learn and appreciate along the way. Andrea and I both write blogs because of it so that is a bonus to the relationship drama we have both endured over the years.

This post says it all and gives great insight on how to deal with being single when all your friends are in relationships! It is a great read. ❤ Love you Miss Andrea! ❤

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew Post by Andrea Wesley

The older we get, the more the people around us are settling down and starting lives and families of their own. When you’re the last single girl standing among your group of friends, it can start to feel like you have less and less in common. There was a good chunk of my past few single years where I felt extremely bitter and resentful, or that I was that flawed and tragic friend who never had a date to the party and couldn’t relate to those conversations pertaining to the ups and downs people were experiencing in their loving relationships. As it turns out, being the last one standing without a partner isn’t a bad thing at all, but there’s a particular survival method to get to that place of being completely content with being the last single girl in your crew.

1. Live vicariously through your friends and learn from them. You’d be amazed what you can learn from your friends and what they go through in their relationships. They’ll tell you all the good things you have to look forward to, and also the realities of the struggles of being in a partnership. When you’ve been single for a while, you might start to forget about the compromises that come with being part of a duo. Being the outsider looking in gives you a new perspective on relationships and helps you to recreate the image of what you want for yourself one day, when the lucky guy finally arrives to your single girl party.

Please Click this Link to See More of This Post by Andrea —–>: http://www.thebolde.com/survive-last-single-girl-crew/#sthash.poUSfbTP.dpuf

About The Author

ANDREA WESLEY

Andrea is a 30 year old freelance writer living in the suburbs of Vancouver, Canada. By day, she’s a kale eating, gym going office professional and by night she’s a wine drinking, Netflix loving pizza eater. She also writes a personal blog about her humorous dating adventures and even though she hasn’t found “the one” yet, she keeps entertained by her friends, family and crazy ginger tabby, Jagger.

Susan McCord AKA Dear Sybersue  and also Check Out  Susan’s Talk Show 

Feeling Blah about Life? Change your look right down to your underwear!

Feeling Blah about Life? Change your look right down to your underwear!

Change your look right down to your underwear!

Change your look right down to your underwear!

Are you feeling stuck and in need of some change in your life? Maybe you would like a new job, a new condo, a makeover or a new refreshed outlook in general? Whatever the case; you know that your self esteem could really use a little jump start to set you off in a new direction.

Sure that looks good on paper but how do we actually make it happen?

Some people need to have an excuse to alter their outlook and repetitive life patterns; which makes New Year’s Day or Birthdays the focal point for many people when setting a time frame to make those alterations. Why do most of us need a particular date to kick ourselves in the butt to make this happen? Not everyone is naturally motivated and many people are procrastinators due to not believing in themselves. They are afraid of failure therefore will tend to take the easy path in life, which isn’t really easy at all! When most things in life are ignored they have a tendency to build up in an aggravating way. Our health catches up with us,our finances aren’t where they should be and our careers and relationships are not in a comfortable place. We don’t feel good about ourselves and it starts to take a toll on our appearance as well.

Do we need a reason to care about how we look? Shouldn’t we always take pride in our appearance and attitude? Having a daily shower and brushing our teeth is a hygienic necessity but also makes us feel good. Why stop there? Some people take vanity to a self absorbed level of conceit but then there are also the people who really try hard to make the opposite statement by looking as bad as they possibly can. They take on a rebellious “I’m not here to impress anyone” defensive persona. Then they wonder why people are judging them and constantly staring at them. There are also people that really just don’t care or are just too lazy to make the effort.

Ladies; If you are single, why would you go to the super market or a movie in your sweatpants and no makeup on, and then complain how terrible you looked when you ran into a really attractive guy? If you care enough to make a comment about how bad you looked why go out in public like that? Most people really do care how they come across physically but pretend it’s not a big deal to them. (These are usually the people that complain they can’t get a date!) There is a happy medium and you can truly change your life with the right attitude.

When someone turns their head to look at you, does it not put a spring in your step?

Changing your look and attitude will help change your life in all areas. This is not just about dating or relationships. It also improves your work environment and friendships because you feel better about yourself! Contrary to all the Instagram girls and their long list of makeup tips and tutorials it really isn’t that difficult to look good!   It is only about making two or three changes. Makeover shows are popular for a reason! A few new pieces of clothing or a new hair cut can change your attitude, which ultimately changes how you come across to others.  It is an euphoric feeling  when you go beyond your comfort zone and it is often a door opener to other opportunities! Even one glance or compliment can bring you a renewed outlook.

Acknowledgment is a part of life that starts as an infant; making our parents smile from our first word, to their applause when we take our 1st step. It is what motivates our actions. It just escalates as we grow. Many adults still look for approval from their parents and we all want to hear we are doing a good job in our careers or in our classes at school.  If we get nothing back on a continual basis, most of us retreat into a lethargic and lonely place.

Pats on the back are adolescent building blocks!

Saying all this is wonderful but what do you do If your life is void of any type of encouragement? How do you start to feel good about yourself and build confidence?

  • Start by caring about your how you look!  Don’t be lazy with your style~ add a little pizzazz and color to your closet. Go to a consignment store if you are on a tight budget. There’s lots of goodies to be found at these establishments.
  • If you want people to notice you, show them you’re a fun person to be around. Stand out a little more and add to the conversation rather than sitting back and only listening.
  • Dress like you care and actually like yourself. Ask a friend to help if you are not sure what to wear.
  • Buy at least one article that is out of your comfort zone but makes you feel sexy and classy!
  • Take care of your hair and change the style every year or two.
  • Leave toques and baseballs hats for cold weather & sporting events. Don’t make it your daily attire; especially if you are out on a date!
  • When you wear sexy underwear you will feel sexy!
  • Don’t hang out with Debbie Downers. Put yourself around positive people who are not judgmental and negative.
  • Start something you always wanted to do but were afraid of doing it. Start with something small and then build up to the more challenging things.

Some people go to great lengths to put out, “I’m too cool to care,” but realistically everyone does care to some degree. Listen to how people treat you. If they giving up their seat for you on the bus and you are only 45, you need to reevaluate your lifestyle! An inexpensive makeover and attitude adjustment will work wonders for your self esteem regardless of each approaching birthday. It’s never to late to make some changes into your life and you can look good at any age. Like anything in life it takes a little bit of effort to make good thing happen but it is so worth it in the end! Embrace change and life with a passion to keep your spirit young forever.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

Susan McCord is the Special Guest on The Love Channel Radio Show with host Pamela Cummins, Today at 3 pm ET

The Goldylocks Zone

Love Channel ShowPamela Cummins

Goldylocks Productions Presents The Love Channel Show with Pamela Cummins, Today, Wednesday, 14 October 2015 at 3 pm ET.

The Love Channel Show is about relationships. Romantic, friends, family, business, animals, in other words – any kind of relationship! Since LOVE is everything, we also talk about spirituality, self-growth, healing, psychic and intuition topics. Listen and take a journey deeper into love!

http://www.successfulrel.com

http://www.holistichealingcommunity.ning.com

Susan McCord

Special Guest: Susan McCord

Susan is a Dating/Relationship/Lifestyle Talk Show Host, Interviewer, Published Author, Certified Life Coach, Advice Columnist & Blogger. She is the author of Dear Sybersue, a dating & relationship book for men and women of all ages, an Expert Writer for UK website TheSWEXPERTS and writes regularly for her Dear Sybersue Blog & Advice Column.  Susan has over 300 uploaded videos with 1.4 million views on her YouTubeTalk Show Channel.

She has a great sense of humor which she contributes to her weekly shows. Susan`s…

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The Anniversary of My Favorite Breakup of all Time! by The Single Diary Blogger Chelsea Pescitelli

The Anniversary of My Favorite Breakup of all Time! by The Single Diary Blogger Chelsea Pescitelli

OMG This chick makes me laugh! I love Chelsea and her wicked sense of humor. She is definitely an old soul in a young hot body! Chelsea and I met on Social Media sites through our dating & relationship blog content and then in person when we were both panel guests for Andrea Hill and her business Join the Dinner Party in Vancouver. I recently saw her again when we were guests with Paul Davidescu CEO of the Tangoo App on The Lynda Steele Radio show at CKNW also in Vancouver.

I just wanted to give a shout out to Chelsea from The Single Diary Blog and add one of her crazzzzy posts here on my Dear Sybersue Website. Here goes…Beware, she doesn’t sugarcoat anything! 😉

Chelsea Pescitelli

Chelsea Pescitelli

The Anniversary of my Favorite Breakup of all Time!

It was around this time two years ago that I found myself single with an excessively large bush. Some of you have heard the tale, others are super disturbed by that opening sentence- let me explain:

I dated what we will call a hippie/musician/asshole for several months and one of the things he requested I do during our relationship was grow a bush. My first question was why: Why would a young male prefer such an old school/natural grooming approach? I was instantly confused and a little thrown off but at the same time, I was dating and having sex with the guy. If that’s what turned him on well, why not? Less maintenance for me. Let me add that by the time our short romance came to an end, my bush hadn’t even reached lift off.

From the day we met to the day we broke up, his actions told me he was extremely interested in me. He was constantly asking me to hang out, he loved spending time with my parents (which became creepy) and he was a cheesy romantic. If a woman asked: how do you know if a guy is interested? I would basically describe this guys actions. So needless to say I was confused as fuck to learn that he felt we had “no sexual chemistry.”

We were having dinner at his place the day after my dog died when he dropped the no sexual chemistry bomb. I was drunk, I was angry and I had a few valid points:

To Keep Reading the rest of this go to this Link on her blog at The single Diary:   http://wp.me/p22l43-1p3

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

2 Tricks for Approaching Any Guy ~ A Video by Matthew Hussey

2 Tricks for Approaching Any Guy ~ A Video by Matthew Hussey

Today’s Guest Video is from “Matthew Hussey who is the world’s leading dating expert for women. He has coached millions of women around the world to help them get the love lives of their dreams. He’s a New York Times bestselling author, has his own national radio show, is a monthly relationship advice columnist for Cosmopolitan Magazine and the resident love expert on The Today Show.”

This video is very true about how many single people react or I should say “don’t react” when they are out for the evening. As I said in my blog post  Get off Your Bar Stool & Talk Talking to Each Other people have to start making an effort to simply say hello to each other!

We ALL have insecurities, fears and doubts and as Matthew Hussey said, we are all thinking the same things! Just knowing this, should help our confidence levels because every last one of has these similarities! No one is immune to feeling rejection or loneliness in their life at one time or another but to just sit back and not take chances is not going to change your love life! I cannot tell you how many times that saying hello has opened the doors to wonderful situations in my life over the years.

If you are really shy just take baby steps with people you might not necessarily be attracted to but find interesting in some way. Or just say hi to a stranger you pass in the gym or a coffee shop. After a while it just becomes second nature and a daily ritual. Why would we go out of our way to ignore someone in the same room as us? It doesn’t make sense! The big problem of course is all the gadgets we have attached ourselves to over the last 15 years and communication is becoming a lost art. But oh…we are comfortable saying whatever we feel behind our computer which is not always a good thing!

Don’t be angry and defensive because you are not meeting someone, change it up and make an effort. If you come across standoffish or unapproachable, people will not gravitate towards you. You will end up in a vicious circle and become even more jaded about dating, I agree so much with Matthew regarding this video but men should also use the same approach with women.  Both sexes need to start talking to each other again and quit worrying about the “what ifs!”  Why not?????

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube Talk Show

Advice for Men & Women ~ Why Do People Give Ultimatums in a Relationship?

ultimatum photo of womenRelationship ultimatums- Why do people do this?

Why are there so many people in forced relationships today?  Is it the fear of being alone? Are men & women settling into a partnership because it is the best scenario for that moment or they got coerced into it?  Sharing your life with someone you love can be a difficult commitment but living with someone you just “like,” will erupt over time due to boredom. Compatibility & chemistry are needed tools to keep a relationship fresh & alive!  Of course friendship is a big necessity as well but the other two components need to be there to keep the sex & love nurtured and forever blossoming.

Generally speaking, there seems to be a maximum “two year deadline” for women who want a marriage commitment from their partner. Ultimatums are a common discussion at this time of the relationship. Most men do not respond well to this & view it as a threat which ultimately it is. It backs them into a corner that they are not really ready to discuss, otherwise they would have already.

“Marry me or I am leaving.” Women that resort to this scare tactic have not been paying attention to the relationship’s red flags. If she has to have this conversation with her man, there is a problem that she has not noticed or is deliberately ignoring. Relationships that are on the right path do not need to be pushed into commitments as they naturally flow to that place all on their own.  It is a natural and reciprocated progression.

( I know some of you are thinking that there are some men who give women ultimatums as well and you’re right, but it’s just not quite as often.)

Occasionally (and I use the word lightly) an ultimatum can work for some people because they might need a wake up call! They may have been a little afraid of the next step of moving in together, an engagement or fearful of a more committed phase in the relationship due to past history or a divorce situation. They also could have just been very comfortable & happy where they were in the partnership and didn’t want to change anything.  By bullying someone into marriage or house hunting when they are not ready usually leads to the demise of the relationship out of resentment later on.

If you feel the need to have to say something to them to kick start the conversation, choose your words carefully and say it only once to them. Don’t repeat it over and over again.  Ask them what their future plans are? Do they see themselves with you long term? Do they want a family with you? Really listen to what they have to say and then make your decision on whether to stay in the relationship or move on to find love with someone who is ready for the same things you are.  Don’t wait for 2 years to ask those important questions. You should know you are on the same path within the first 6-9 months in your partnership.

10 Red Flags to Watch for with Commitment Phobic Partners:

  1. They go out 3 or more nights a week without you.
  2. Plan most of their vacations with friends & exclude you!
  3. Talk about buying a place alone.
  4. Do not open up with you on an emotional level or share many of their thoughts.
  5. They have many friends and family in the same city you have never met.
  6. After a year together, they still say “I” instead of “we.”
  7. No mention of plans for the future as a couple or make excuses about having a career deadline and need to focus on that first before making any other major commitments!
  8. They talk about moving to another city or big travel plans that do not include you.
  9. There is very little romance and the sex is robotic.
  10. They seldom tell you they love you!

Being aware of your part in the relationship & how it is progressing should not be overlooked. Mutual love & support should be naturally occurring as the partnership grows. If it is stagnant & predictable early on, the chances of a happy future with this person will probably not happen. Deciding to ignore the signs is limiting your happiness and cheating you out of a wonderful future with someone more compatible.

After 6 months, the (right or wrong) signs are usually laid out and obvious in the relationship to those who are paying attention. We date for a reason; to find out if two people fit together & can ultimately have a loving future together as a couple. Being aware and listening to your inner self will help you make wise & fulfilling choices towards meeting that wonderful partner you can’t wait to spend your life growing old with. When it’s right you don’t need to use ultimatums.

Susan McCord  http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord