Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?

Why do I Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?

What is wrong with me and why do I keep repeating these same dating patterns?

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Social media and computer dating is becoming the norm with how people interact these days. Mingle meet up groups are trying to make a comeback but people still seem to be stuck to their smart phones rather than being open to meeting in person!

People are lonelier than ever because of how some of these dating websites seem to attract superficial men and women who are just out to play games.

There are some happy endings that eventually transpire but why are there so many more stories that don’t work out?  Why do some people keep enticing a certain negative “type” into their existence,  which continually puts them back out into the dating pool?

If you have met a lot of these unfavorable types, you are doing something to attract them towards you.

Regardless of whether you believe in “The Law of Attraction” there is something to it. Negativity attracts negativity.  Everyone is entitled to finding love, but if you are always repeating the same unfulfilling scenario, how is it beneficial in the long run?

There are many women who only meet “Bad Boys” because they are allowing them to keep coming into their life. For some reason they think it is exciting to be treated like crap.

There are also men that only meet pretentious, materialistic hot women, because they are choosing “her looks” as the top priority.  The end result is both sexes are constantly complaining about each other!

Going for the same brand of person which keeps backfiring into a non-existent love life takes years for some people to figure out. “Changing the pattern will change who you meet.” As simple as that sounds it seems to be the biggest mistake men and women repeatedly make.

Why is that?

Many people react out of anger when something happens that is repetitive and unrewarding in their life. This annoying cycle continues because they don’t understand that they are in denial of their own actions!

When a person becomes jaded or angry about the same thing over and over again, wouldn’t it make sense to investigate why it is affecting them to that level?

I see it all the time on the comment section under some YouTube videos.  So many men and women continually vent their frustrations about the same subject, rather than learning how to deal with why it bothers them so much.

This is especially true regarding both sexes in the dating market. If something isn’t working, isn’t it a good idea to fix it rather than bitching about it to anyone who will listen?

No one wants to hear it except for a few others who are also angry about the same thing.  Misery loves company and saying that, I rest my case…negativity attracts more negativity.

Is it really easier to constantly complain about some things that cause drama in your life than to find a solution that betters your world?

We are all guilty of sounding like a broken record at some point in our lives but the people who quickly understand how dangerously repetitive this is, are the ones who move on to find happiness.

If your love-life sucks, be honest about the part you play in it.

I can’t stress enough that we are all in charge of how our lives evolve and that ultimately the choices we make are ours. Yes, we all land in the school of hard knocks while finding out who we are, but the sooner we learn and own the lesson, the faster we move on to a healthier foundation.

So stop repeating the same old story and quit talking about what you don’t want in your life. Talk about a future relationship like you won a lottery!  Think about all those wonderful things you would be able to do and how positive you would feel with less stress and more love in your life.

Thinking happy thoughts and keeping hope alive helps put out positive vibrations that eventually boomerang back towards you.

There is enough love out there for everyone and you deserve it just as much as anyone else does. You don’t ever have to settle for an unhealthy situation so quit allowing yourself to choose them. ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show

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How to Get Over an Abrupt Relationship Breakup!

How to Get Over an Abrupt Relationship Breakup!

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How to Get Over an Abrupt Breakup? Blow them a kiss goodbye and thank them!

This topic came to me in an e-mail from a young guy who watches my show on YouTube.  He recently got the Dear John Text from his girlfriend of 6 months with no warning, but his positive attitude surprised me!!

He said;  “Yes I am sad that it is over as I really enjoyed my time with her but what choice do I have but to just move on? No means NEXT!”  While this is much easier said than done for most people, it is always better to be realistic about why a relationship ended abruptly.

Most breakups can be very painful especially if you were blindsided by your partner.  The faster you understand that some endings just aren’t worthy of a long drawn out sadness and really only warrant a small acknowledgment of hurt, resentment, rejection or hibernation, the better!

In other words, why spend too much time pining over someone who is disrespectful enough to send you a breakup text and simply doesn’t want to be with you?

Most of the hurt that occurs from a breakup is due to our own egos, and not always our actual love for the person that left us. Especially if it was a short-lived relationship.

Why harbor sadness or anger with someone who didn’t have the decency to say goodbye to you in person? Be thankful they have moved on so that you can meet someone who will treat you better.  (Of course if you were in a long term relationship with them, your heart is more invested and it is not as easy to let go.)

I have one male friend who went into a depression with every break-up, even if it was only a very short time spent with them. It has caused a lot of heartache over the years for him. He was in a dating pattern of constantly choosing the wrong women because he was blinded by one thing; their beauty!

He was looking for a commitment or so he said, but all his actions spoke the opposite! He had so much emotional baggage due to the fact that he was not dealing with why the breakups were happening or the repetitive choices he was making.

With each new woman he dated, it  became harder to clean up the demons he was accumulating.  

He finally discovered that he had a problem with rejection stemming from his childhood, he had a very unemotional mother who never showed him love of any kind. After much heartbreak and finally receiving some counselling, he came to understand why he made the shallow choices that he did; but it took him 20 years to get it!

Learning how to respect yourself first will make you move on faster or not allow you to be there in the first place.

Feeling like “the victim” in a breakup will only prolong your pain and make you angry. You can’t make someone love you! The hardest thing to grasp is that they are over you . You were dismissed, so to speak. We all think that we will never have another perfect relationship like the one that has just ended, but if it were so wonderful you would still be together. Know that you will have another relationship and it will be a better one down the road. You just can’t see it now because your ego is hurt.

Things don’t just fall apart for no reason.

It wasn’t meant to be and The Universe is trying to help you, probably because you weren’t taking the subtle hints it was throwing at you for the last 3-6 months. (Like when she/he took that 2nd vacation without you or they still haven’t given you a set of house keys after 2 years together.)

Moving on in other areas of your life will help with your relationships too. Remember that job that was so difficult to go to everyday and then all of sudden they gave your pink slip, due to so-called downsizing (or some other term companies use today to protect themselves from a wrongful-dismissal suit) but in the end they actually did you a favor because you are now in a job that you really love.

How many times has it NOT worked out for the better?

Change is always fearful, even if it is something we are ready for.  Many people become creatures of habit as they get older. Let’s not become this routine-obvious boring person. Life needs some stability and normalcy but it doesn’t have to be a bad movie.  Keep your mind fresh and free. People will always gravitate towards that positive energy.

The word “NEXT” should have excitement written all over it and should be embraced into your everyday life with optimism.  

It is meant to make you grow and become more of who you are. You should never stop being diverse with each approaching birthday. Complacency and boredom are the real killers, not old age.

Sometimes life becomes more of a struggle when we don’t register that something is too much work and all-consuming. The reason being; it is not meant to be!

Your intuition will always lead you in the right direction in a relationship. When you are sad, depressed or insecure in a partnership these are red flags that should not be ignored.  When you have a reciprocated love it isn’t a lot of work, it just feels right. There is no drama or questions!

So the next time someone says an abrupt goodbye to you, use this experience to move on out of that negative roadway and onto the next amazing path, that life has in store for you. Breakups can be a good thing and cause you to look deeper into who you are and what is really important to you long term.

Cry a little, wave them goodbye and get ready for a better place without them in it.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend is a Nice Guy but I Like Bad Boys!!

Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend is a Nice Guy but I Like Bad Boys!!

Why do I Always go for the Bad Boys?

Why do I Always go for the Bad Boys?

Dear Sybersue:

I have been dating my boyfriend Andrew exclusively for 1 year now and I really do love him. He is ready to take the next step and move in together but I am questioning whether we are a good match for a long term commitment. He is the ultimate nice guy and is everything a girl would want! He really is a perfect boyfriend. I never have to question things or try to figure him out because he is always so even keeled and non confrontational. Our sex life is good; a little on the vanilla side but I am very attracted to him physically!

The problem is:

I am used to bad boys and really miss the excitement of it all! I am 31 years old and should be ready for a real relationship by now, but there is something that keeps pulling me back from wanting a normal conventional existence with one guy. I miss the intensity of bad boy sex and spontaneous get-togethers from my past a year ago. I know I should be thankful that I have someone in my life who loves me unconditionally without all the B.S. of a guy who is only there for a “good time not a long time,” but I admit I am a little bored with Andrew.

What do you suggest I do?

Thanks Sybersue, April84

Dear April,

Have you ever thought about what it would be like for you not to have Andrew in your life? Are you possibly taking him for granted because he is always available and there for you? Maybe you are used to the up and down drama from your past “bad boy relationships” and miss that intensity of the constant mystery. Are you really OK with your past booty call lifestyle and can you see that continuing on for the rest of your life? If your sex-life is too vanilla with Andrew then you need to discuss ways to spice it up. Tell him what you like and take the initiative to change it. Most guys are pretty open to new things in the bedroom!

Click here to read the rest of Dear Sybersue’s answer

dear-sybersue-my-bf-is-a-nice-guy-but-i-like-bad-boys SWSusan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew  Post  (by Andrea Wesley The Bolde.com)

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew Post (by Andrea Wesley The Bolde.com)

Photo Credit: WeHeartIt TheBolde.com

Photo Credit:
WeHeartIt at TheBolde.com

This guest post is written by Andrea Wesley from The Bolde! She is one of my talk show co-hosts who has been in my life for over 5 years now. Although Andrea and I are from two different generations we have spent many afternoons discussing dating and relationship topics to no end! Regardless of what birthday you are approaching there is always something to talk about when it comes to love or lack of it! Some of us take longer roads to get there but there is always something to learn and appreciate along the way. Andrea and I both write blogs because of it so that is a bonus to the relationship drama we have both endured over the years.

This post says it all and gives great insight on how to deal with being single when all your friends are in relationships! It is a great read. ❤ Love you Miss Andrea! ❤

How To Survive Being The Last Single Girl In Your Crew Post by Andrea Wesley

The older we get, the more the people around us are settling down and starting lives and families of their own. When you’re the last single girl standing among your group of friends, it can start to feel like you have less and less in common. There was a good chunk of my past few single years where I felt extremely bitter and resentful, or that I was that flawed and tragic friend who never had a date to the party and couldn’t relate to those conversations pertaining to the ups and downs people were experiencing in their loving relationships. As it turns out, being the last one standing without a partner isn’t a bad thing at all, but there’s a particular survival method to get to that place of being completely content with being the last single girl in your crew.

1. Live vicariously through your friends and learn from them. You’d be amazed what you can learn from your friends and what they go through in their relationships. They’ll tell you all the good things you have to look forward to, and also the realities of the struggles of being in a partnership. When you’ve been single for a while, you might start to forget about the compromises that come with being part of a duo. Being the outsider looking in gives you a new perspective on relationships and helps you to recreate the image of what you want for yourself one day, when the lucky guy finally arrives to your single girl party.

Please Click this Link to See More of This Post by Andrea —–>: http://www.thebolde.com/survive-last-single-girl-crew/#sthash.poUSfbTP.dpuf

About The Author

ANDREA WESLEY

Andrea is a 30 year old freelance writer living in the suburbs of Vancouver, Canada. By day, she’s a kale eating, gym going office professional and by night she’s a wine drinking, Netflix loving pizza eater. She also writes a personal blog about her humorous dating adventures and even though she hasn’t found “the one” yet, she keeps entertained by her friends, family and crazy ginger tabby, Jagger.

Susan McCord AKA Dear Sybersue  and also Check Out  Susan’s Talk Show 

Susan McCord is the Special Guest on The Love Channel Radio Show with host Pamela Cummins, Today at 3 pm ET

The Anniversary of My Favorite Breakup of all Time! by The Single Diary Blogger Chelsea Pescitelli

The Anniversary of My Favorite Breakup of all Time! by The Single Diary Blogger Chelsea Pescitelli

OMG This chick makes me laugh! I love Chelsea and her wicked sense of humor. She is definitely an old soul in a young hot body! Chelsea and I met on Social Media sites through our dating & relationship blog content and then in person when we were both panel guests for Andrea Hill and her business Join the Dinner Party in Vancouver. I recently saw her again when we were guests with Paul Davidescu CEO of the Tangoo App on The Lynda Steele Radio show at CKNW also in Vancouver.

I just wanted to give a shout out to Chelsea from The Single Diary Blog and add one of her crazzzzy posts here on my Dear Sybersue Website. Here goes…Beware, she doesn’t sugarcoat anything! 😉

Chelsea Pescitelli

Chelsea Pescitelli

The Anniversary of my Favorite Breakup of all Time!

It was around this time two years ago that I found myself single with an excessively large bush. Some of you have heard the tale, others are super disturbed by that opening sentence- let me explain:

I dated what we will call a hippie/musician/asshole for several months and one of the things he requested I do during our relationship was grow a bush. My first question was why: Why would a young male prefer such an old school/natural grooming approach? I was instantly confused and a little thrown off but at the same time, I was dating and having sex with the guy. If that’s what turned him on well, why not? Less maintenance for me. Let me add that by the time our short romance came to an end, my bush hadn’t even reached lift off.

From the day we met to the day we broke up, his actions told me he was extremely interested in me. He was constantly asking me to hang out, he loved spending time with my parents (which became creepy) and he was a cheesy romantic. If a woman asked: how do you know if a guy is interested? I would basically describe this guys actions. So needless to say I was confused as fuck to learn that he felt we had “no sexual chemistry.”

We were having dinner at his place the day after my dog died when he dropped the no sexual chemistry bomb. I was drunk, I was angry and I had a few valid points:

To Keep Reading the rest of this go to this Link on her blog at The single Diary:   http://wp.me/p22l43-1p3

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

2 Tricks for Approaching Any Guy ~ A Video by Matthew Hussey

2 Tricks for Approaching Any Guy ~ A Video by Matthew Hussey

Today’s Guest Video is from “Matthew Hussey who is the world’s leading dating expert for women. He has coached millions of women around the world to help them get the love lives of their dreams. He’s a New York Times bestselling author, has his own national radio show, is a monthly relationship advice columnist for Cosmopolitan Magazine and the resident love expert on The Today Show.”

This video is very true about how many single people react or I should say “don’t react” when they are out for the evening. As I said in my blog post  Get off Your Bar Stool & Talk Talking to Each Other people have to start making an effort to simply say hello to each other!

We ALL have insecurities, fears and doubts and as Matthew Hussey said, we are all thinking the same things! Just knowing this, should help our confidence levels because every last one of has these similarities! No one is immune to feeling rejection or loneliness in their life at one time or another but to just sit back and not take chances is not going to change your love life! I cannot tell you how many times that saying hello has opened the doors to wonderful situations in my life over the years.

If you are really shy just take baby steps with people you might not necessarily be attracted to but find interesting in some way. Or just say hi to a stranger you pass in the gym or a coffee shop. After a while it just becomes second nature and a daily ritual. Why would we go out of our way to ignore someone in the same room as us? It doesn’t make sense! The big problem of course is all the gadgets we have attached ourselves to over the last 15 years and communication is becoming a lost art. But oh…we are comfortable saying whatever we feel behind our computer which is not always a good thing!

Don’t be angry and defensive because you are not meeting someone, change it up and make an effort. If you come across standoffish or unapproachable, people will not gravitate towards you. You will end up in a vicious circle and become even more jaded about dating, I agree so much with Matthew regarding this video but men should also use the same approach with women.  Both sexes need to start talking to each other again and quit worrying about the “what ifs!”  Why not?????

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube Talk Show