How to Deal with Dating Insecurities & Inhibitions!

Stamps Landing Vancouver 2011

Get Out & Mingle to Remove Insecurities and Inhibitions

Dating Insecurities & Inhibitions!

Dating Insecurities is not the same thing as dating inhibitions but both scenarios will cause havoc in your love life if practiced on a regular basis.  Inhibitions can just be lack of experimentation or fear of the unknown.  Insecurities can be a lot stronger where help may be needed from a therapist to change a deep rooted problem.

What are some of the more common insecurities within our relationships?

  • Body Image is #1!
  • Intellect ~ are we smart enough for them and afraid of saying the wrong things?
  • Their career is intimidating ~they are more successful.
  • Asking yourself or them why they are with you ~ you don’t feel worthy.
  • They more outgoing than you. You feel overlooked and invisible in a group.
  • They are very attractive to the opposite sex!
  • They have a very strong sex drive & you worry they will wander.

On a sexual level if you have had only a few partners in your lifetime, you may feel intimidated with how to make yourself sexier due to your inexperience. There may be a fear of how to initiate something or communicate with your partner between the sheets. This is very common & can be addressed easily if you are with the right partner who cares about you. There will be an openness that encourages you as a couple to experiment comfortably because you are not judging each other.

On the flip side; if the only people you have slept with constantly tell you that you need to lose weight or criticize you in the bedroom, this will not only make you feel insecure, it will inhibit you from wanting to be a better lover.  A little encouragement goes a long way and if you are continually brow beaten into submission, you are not going to feel confident enough to bring out the tiger that lurks beneath.

There is making love and then there is sex; and with the right partner it can be mind blowing & life altering! How many times have you talked to your friends about what a good lover someone was, when really it was mostly about how they made you “feel” during that time? It wasn’t all about the happy ending but what happened in between that made you feel special. There was romance and a gentleness that allowed you to reciprocate the same back to your partner because they made you feel safe which allows the walls to come down.

Humans excel when they are complimented or rewarded with simple acknowledgement. Being a controlling person may get you want you want initially but after awhile it will be the demise of your relationship. Many of our choices are a reflection of how our life started in the early stages of our youth. Some of us chose a parent figure as a guideline or role model to mold ourselves after which can either be a good thing or bad thing. It is a visual behavior or pattern that many people fall into. If you spent much of your younger years being berated by your family or by bullies at school, your self esteem will play a huge part in who you become as an adult. The sooner we understand this the faster we will be able to change our beliefs and confidence levels.

What do we need to do to gain more confidence & lose our inhibitions that have plagued our growth & desires for too long?

Most of us are more comfortable with the “devil we know” as opposed to the one we don’t, so we continue to live in our childhood sandbox rather than venture outside to a new dimension. We are creatures of habit and are not overly comfortable in a completely new environment; so we repeatedly choose relationships that keep us from growing.  Therefore our inhibitions continue to “own” us.

Inhibitions are one of the reasons online dating has become so popular. It is easy to hide behind a computer & try to get to know someone through E-mails and text messages. It is not as intimidating as the initial face to face contact & there is much less personal rejection because they haven’t actually met them yet.  The problem with this type of dating is that you can take your time on the compute, unlike the bar situation where you only have a short time to take action before they leave. Unfortunately though the biggest complaint about dating sites/apps is that many people never actually end up meeting in person and spend way too much time texting without ever making a date.

Alcohol “liquid courage”is probably the most popular inhibition release there is. (I swear liquor stores would go out of business if people were as confident without it! How many people do you know that have got up to sing karaoke sober?) Social environments are popular when the booze is flowing generously, but at the end of the evening it may just be another story for the dating diary when you either add another booty call to the list, or hand out your number to someone who never ends up calling. It is always best to connect with people on a sober level regardless of how shy or insecure you may feel.  Practice makes perfect! The more you put yourself out there the more comfortable you will become with face to face connections.

If you feel overwhelmed by your inhibitions & insecurities observe the people you have allowed in your life.

  • Are your friendships healthy and reciprocated?
  • Are your family and friends genuinely interested in your happiness?
  • Is your job rewarding or deflating?
  • Are they encouraging or do they try to squash you and your achievements?
  • Do they offer assistance and support when things aren’t going well in your life?

Remember, inhibitions have to start somewhere. The more we alleviate negative behavior from our lives the more we will become comfortable to let down our guard to be more of who we actually are before the walls went up! We don’t start out frightened or afraid to try things, which is why many toddlers need to be watched carefully at early stages of their lives. They will try anything!  We become more inhibited and insecure as our lives unfold; especially if we have constant aversion.

The more you do something a little out of character, the more you get over your inhibitions.  Get out of your comfort zone as often as you can.  Do something daily that you would not normally do.  Experiment with strangers by talking with them, saying hello, or smiling.  Talk with “trusted” friends or family about your insecurities or inhibitions. It is also good to talk to a professional counselor as they will be nonjudgmental and it might make you open up even more.  By discussing these private subjects, it will enable you to learn how to actually deal with them because you are now aware of them.  They will be supportive & offer suggestions to help you get past it & make your life more rewarding.  Do the same for them as well.

Remember; we “all” have something we are insecure about & could use guidance on.  No one is immune to that.

Susan McCord ❤ Please Follow & Subscribe @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show  http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord

Life’s Bad Ass Cliches & Their Reality!

Dear Sybersue Talk Show Host

Dear Sybersue Talk Show Host

A few weeks ago I got some disappointing news that I was hoping would turn out to be wonderful and life changing for me.  I have spent over 10 years in this business of blogging/video hosting & was praying this opportunity was finally “the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!”  How long does a person hold onto their passion and believe that they are on the right path?  How many “no’s” or “not right nows” do we have to hear before we either make this happen or walk away from our dreams? “Actions speak louder than words” so when we choose competitive careers we just have to “keep on trucking” and not get “all bent out of shape” when things take a lot longer than we had anticipated.  Sometimes that is “much easier said than done.”To top it all off…

I write for many other platforms as well as my own blog.  “As luck would have it,” I recently received an email from examiner.com informing me that they were deactivating my account after 6 loyal years of writing for them without pay!  (Oh sorry I think I may have made $50 since 2009 when I started with them.)  I was often in the top 5 of two separate categories with regards to my monthly contributions so you can imagine my surprise when I opened my email from examiner telling me they no longer required my services.  Are you frigging kidding me?  So I guess I am not supposed to “cry over spilled milk” and just deal with their rudeness because I am destined for bigger things ahead right?  Hey I know that, but it doesn’t excuse the blatant dismissal from a company that I gave my devoted free service to for all this time.  I  guess there is truth to the statement that “all that glitters is not gold” 😦 but then “when one door closes another one opens,” which did happen in this case.

As a huge believer in visualization I have finally realized that I might be in need of some big ass binoculars!  I am obviously not seeing things clearly as I should be because what I envision and what the Universe has in store are definitely not in sync. They say “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” well I can honestly tell you that I feel so strong right now that I could literally strangle the person who made up that cliché!

It’s really not a matter of feeling sorry for yourself after 10 years as it is feeling frustrated that all your hard work is REALLY appreciated mostly by those people who want to use your stuff “for free” to help their own business platforms.  Regardless of how often this happens I will not give into using others to solely benefit myself.  I am all about promoting people and offering assistance but am I being a fool in the end?  Is “Give and Take” a thing of the past and that “One Good Turn Deserves Another” really only means a one-sided story in today’s world?

While it is true “you can’t please everyone,” “there is no time like the present” to try to make a difference in this world.  I realize there is something I am doing that is preventing my goals to manifest completely but damn I am learning a lot along the way! Yahoo! Diversity is the key to staying young at heart after all. ❤

I have never been a “better safe than sorry” kind of girl and taking risks have always been my way of life. I can definitely say my life has not been dull and there is always a new adventure happening on a regular basis. When you don’t have family support or financial abundance it can either “make you or break you” and I decided to let nothing stand in my way of being all that I can be.  It can be a lonely road at times especially when you reach milestones that go unacknowledged by those people who are supposed to be in your corner.  Thank you to my amazing husband and those dear friends who have cheered me on & thank you to all those incredible men and women I have never met here in CyberLand for reading my book, my blogs & watching and commenting on my videos.  I am grateful and it is because of you that keeps me believing and pursuing this long winding path I am walking on.

Maybe I really do need to “wake up and smell the coffee” because supposedly when “life gives you lemons you make lemonade.” (I prefer Martini’s)  No one said life was easy and sometimes it really can be a bitch ass merry go round that makes you dizzy with anticipation. Will it work this time and am I finally on the right path to my higher achieving self?  Nah…one more spin until you get it right lady!  “Don’t call us we’ll call you!”  Maybe you need to hear it one more time because “it’s just not your time yet.”  Keep smiling and believe it will come because you know in your heart it is the right thing to do and “banging your head against that never ending brick wall” just doesn’t seem to hurt as much anymore.  Because “it ain’t over til the fat lady sings” and “nothing ventured is nothing gained” so “put that in your pipe and smoke it!” ❤ “It’s all good at the end of the day”  ❤

PS: I am now writing for SWEXPERTS based out of the UK & as a weekly contributor to MySkyeBerryPie as well as my own Blog here. 

Check out Susan’s videos on her Dear Sybersue YouTube Channel 

Dear Sybersue: My 18 yr old Girlfriend is Pregnant & Wants Space!

pretty pregnant girl Eve Henry Photography

Eve Henry Photography Vancouver

 

Dear Sybersue,

My wonderful girlfriend and I have been together for an amazing 8 months and have known each other for 4 years.  I am 20, she is 18.  Our relationship was beyond unbreakable.  About 8 weeks ago we find out she is pregnant and we both were very excited at first.  This wasn’t planned but we have faith and we’re definitely ready for that responsibility.

Saying that, we were dealing with everything really well up till about a week ago.  She wants nothing to do with me now, she tells me she loves me but she needs space!  It was all so random, and we went from spending everyday together for hours, to not seeing one another at all because she need space.  I love her more than anything and I want to make her feel loved & let her know I am here, but she won’t see me or communicate with me. I am very worried. What should I do?

Thank you, Jesse

Hi Jesse,
I am so sorry to hear this and I know how heartbreaking this must be for you. The fact that you are both so young makes this pregnancy even harder because of the pressure it puts on you as a couple to make hard life decisions so early in your lives. Emotions fly high when a woman is pregnant and she is probably freaking out about where her life is going right now.  8 months is really not a very long time to decide whether you want to be in a committed relationship.  Now you have the added pressure of a baby to deal with rather than just enjoying each other without having to make forced or hasty decisions.

You are a standup guy who is ready to be there for your girlfriend when many young men would have run the other way.  She may be getting feedback from her family that could have an impact on her choices right now.  I think it is wonderful that you are giving her space at the moment but also letting her know you are there for her. This is something that could help her in the long run because she will always know you didn’t bail on her.

Don’t pressure her as hard as it is for you, but every so often ask her is there is anything you can do for her and tell her you care and want to help her during her pregnancy.  Her life has altered so much and she is trying to figure out what her future holds now.  Everything has changed.  Be selective when you do contact her and don’t pressure her about anything right now. I am not sure what support system she has with her friends or her family but she will need lots of it when the baby arrives!

Hang in there and be patient about her need for alone time at the moment. Hopefully she will come around a little more in the next few months once the initial shock wears off.  Please let me know how you are doing and keep me up to date.  Thanks for taking the time to write.

xo Sybersue

 

 

 

Human Etiquette ~ People Canceling Last minute!

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord also known Advice Columnist Dear Sybersue, answers Ryan’s Question on why some people have no respect for his time.

Dear Sybersue,

I need help with this one as it is really driving me crazy!  I am a 30 year old guy who is so tired of people bailing on me last minute because they have something else that just “suddenly” came up!  Sometimes they just don’t show up or they send me a last minute text when I am already on the road to meet them!

What has happened to basic human etiquette? I am very frustrated!

Ryan 🙂

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Our “Glass Half Full” Golf Experience with an “Exceptional” Pair of Guys!

IMG_5999

As a regular blogger & advice columnist I am usually pretty optimistic and open minded when it comes to life in general ~ I am a “glass half full” kind of girl for the most part. I do believe that many people you come across in life are there for a reason to teach you simple or valuable lessons…or is it for you to teach them?  The Jury is out on that one but regardless it is an interesting theory just the same.  

I have always used this approach with men that I have dated in the past, which has helped me move on faster after a breakup. I analyzed what I was supposed to learn from these scenarios to help me with my future choices. I tried not to let my ego take over every time I got dumped and to thank them instead for helping me get closer to finding the real love of my life!  OK that’s one way of looking at it but don’t think I was immune to seeing some  karma come their way ~maybe “just a little.” 

Saying all this is leading somewhere I promise… Here goes.

Yesterday my girlfriend & I reserved a Tee Time for two people at a popular 18 hole golf course in the city.  The weather couldn’t have been any more perfect and we were excited to get out there & enjoy the beautiful day.  We prefer to golf alone and not be paired up whenever possible because so many people are quite particular about the sport, so it seems.  (We are intermediate golfers and very quick to pick up our ball if we lag behind our foursome in any game we play.)  When we arrived at the course we discovered we had been paired up with two guys who were about 40 years old and introduced ourselves in our pleasant happy go lucky usual manner.  They said they were quite happy NOT to be playing with “two big old fat guys” so we felt relieved they were pleased they got us!

This is where “Looking at the Glass Half Full” comes in…

Our two amazing golf partners decided to be gentlemen & tee off first, not even discussing it or letting us try to get out of it at all. They continued to practice this throughout our shared time together.  They had such total faith in our ability that they walked on without a backward glance to take their next shot before we even set up to take our turn.  This made Monica (my partner) & I very happy that they trusted us like this!  Who would turn their back on a woman with a driver & loaded golf ball?  That made our day, this respect they showed us.

Dave & Neil were obviously very busy guys with how many business issues they continually dealt with on their phones. Neil was very fast at texting and could do it one handed while wheeling his golf cart to every new hole.  I was really impressed, especially when one of the texts seemed to make his golf game a little more aggressive.  That was pretty cool!  Dave also was also pretty good with guiding his cart one handed, due to his continual love for cigarettes.  Monica & I felt fine about it though as they were an organic brand.  Occasionally there was a little trail of organic remnants for us to follow so we could see where their shots went ~ so that was good.

Neil was a pretty good golfer and only took a few mulligans during the game but Dave decided to make up for that and take 3 Tee shots per hole. We could see him improving as the day went on with all the extra golf practice he had.  We discussed that we might try that next game too!  It seemed like a great idea so we didn’t mind the guys behind us telling us to hurry up because “What the Hell,” Dave was having fun! That’s all that really mattered in the end.

As the day progressed, we were able keep up with our golf buddies thanks to our quick thinking and booking a golf cart last minute!  Just to make our game even more exciting Neil got another text & started hitting further!  Whoever contacted him seemed to bring out his best Tiger Woods ~ he even swore a little and threw his club about 20 feet.  (It reminded us of The Masters one year.)  Dave seemed to get a little exasperated after losing his 10th ball in the bushes & tried his best to keep up behind Neil pulling his cart one handed with even more vigor and left an even bigger trail of cigarette butts. We have never seen someone handle an iphone, a cart and a smoke that well before, Dave kicked ass!

At the 14th hole Neil Tees off before we have finished putting the 13th hole.  Dave is racing to catch up with Neil and is no longer taking 3 mulligans per hole as his ball collection is getting low.  (Maybe I should have put the word “golf” in front of ball??? Naaaaaah it works!)  Monica & I are a little in shock though, as these actions are less of the gentlemanly approach that they have so graciously shown us all day.  But bless their hearts, they redeemed themselves by yelling over at us on the putting green that they have to keep moving as they have to be somewhere in an hour. I thought that was pretty special but Monica said it reminded her of a guy dumping a girl with a text message.  Hmmmm she does have a point.  Guess they forgot they told us earlier they had no plans for the evening.  Poor guys were obviously so exhausted from pulling their golf carts so fast, looking for their balls in the bushes, taking all those mulligans & didn’t remember.

So the girls were left to fend on their own for the next 5 holes without even a goodbye, what would they do without them? 

golf 2 girls & a guy

Where was that damn beer cart when you needed it?  Hell forget beer, where was the champagne? This was time to celebrate ~ we finally got to play as a twosome like we originally wanted.  As much as we missed our new best friends we have these amazing memories to always keep fresh in our minds. We both went home & had a “glass half full” of wine & were grateful for our very special day.

Cheers to two guys who taught us what NOT to do on the golf course. What life lesson did I learn from this encounter? I got to share this experience and hopefully help others see how important etiquette & behavior is to another human being.  I also got to blog about it and share my thoughts with all of you.  See… something for everyone.

Cheers & happy golfing xo

PS: I didn’t put their real names in this article as I knew they were too modest & bashful to receive this praise. We were hoping to thank them at the end of the game but they left without finishing.

Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers

Dear Sybersue ~ Are Women Becoming More Sexually Experienced Than Men Today?

sexy women on bookshelf

Hi Sybersue,

I really liked your video about the double standards about the sexes. I do think things have changed though about casual sex. Me personally, I am just your average guy, with not so much charm. I have never been a player and I know for a fact that my past girlfriends had a lot more sexual experience than me and it never bothered me. I actually find it kind of hot. Do you think it’s becoming more normal today for a woman to have more sexual experience than the guy she ends up in a relationship with?

Thanks, Zack

Hi Zack,

Thanks for your message. I think that women today are definitely more experienced sexually than ever before. Part of the reason is that women have evolved on many levels over the last 50 years. It wasn’t that long ago that they were not allowed to vote & in many places in the world women are very much second class citizens.

There are so many online resources to help guide people who need knowledge in certain areas so women can refer to these websites/platforms anonymously & get all the information they need. In the past they were probably too embarrassed or not permitted to ask some of the questions they were curious about. It’s all available at the tips of our fingers today!

Women are the more emotional of the sexes as well so it is not surprising you have met women who are “literally” sexually in touch with themselves. Good for you to appreciate it & not be intimidated by them. That shows a wonderful maturity & acceptance on your part!

Statistically speaking, I am not sure whether many women have “more” sexual experience then men or not, but I do know that they are experimenting more now & sometimes with each other too.  The world has changed & we can always learn new things. Teachers come in all forms, which in my books is one of life’s great gifts that we should all welcome into our world. Being open minded & accepting of change will keep you on an innovative path. Enjoy!

Thanks for taking the time to write.

Sybersue ❤

Dear Sybersue ~ I am Doing a Survey From School on Teens Regarding Drugs,Bullying…

 

Hi, I’m doing a survey for school and would really appreciate your opinion if you feel comfortable answering my question: What do you think is the biggest issue which needs to be addressed in today’s society regarding teens: drug and alcohol abuse, bullying, eating disorders, self harm, or depression? Thanks so much for your help!(:

teenage girls gossiping,

Wow that is a loaded question but I will try my best to answer it for you.

In my opinion one of the biggest reasons this seems to be happening with teens today is due to all the social media at our fingertips. There has always been depression & self esteem issues over the past decades but it wasn’t acknowledged or as public back then. People have access so many more media platforms now and nothing is sacred anymore. While there has always been mean people or bullying in the schoolyard, it is now only “one click’ away from adding fuel to an already lit fire.

It is hard to believe but the Internet is only 30 years old. Your generation knows nothing else but how to connect via computers, smart phones etc. and while it can be a great resource system for people searching for answers, it can also “be the reason” for self esteem issues to be at an all time high.

Drug use has always been a problem and was a huge issue at my high school, but today it is so much easier to get access to all types of drugs. There seems to be dealers on every corner!

The peer pressure to fit in now is bigger than ever as there are so many new temptations & enticements available for teens today. Many young people do not feel like they are a part of a group if they do not indulge in some of this action, regardless of how dangerous much of it can be. One wrong move may lead to a hospital visit, overdose, a discriminating photo on Facebook or a video on YouTube. It is a tough world now because of this and some of these exploitations can cause havoc for many years to come. (Especially in careers down the road if there are any police records.)  Being a teen is supposed to be a wonderful fun time but there are those few people that just have to screw with someone’s life!

Teens need to surround themselves with friends & mentors continuously that help keep them grounded & believing in themselves. Not everyone has a supportive family & this can also add to problems due to the lack of love at home. Again, this is why it is important to find a person who can be there unconditionally without judgment. It is not weak to need someone you can trust & lean on, it is imperative that this solution be available due to the loneliness so many teens feel. Support systems are crucial to everyone but in adolescent years it is the building block to having a healthy self esteem.

Friends have to be more aware of what is transpiring in each others lives. Do not turn a blind eye to a friend in trouble or support a bully so you can fit in. Kids need to bond together to combat against these aggressive leaders ~ If no one followed them, bullying would die down. High school can really suck but having awareness that it is only a short time in the realm of life can be a little comforting. Almost everyone has a few stories of tough times at school & regardless of how old they are now, the memories are still there.

Don’t let these thoughts consume you but learn from them instead. Find that special person you can trust, talk openly with and have continual support from to help you through these tough years. Never give your power to someone else who is abusive or demeaning.  Hold your head up high and surround yourself with positive people. There are meet up groups online and outside your school that offer numerous opportunities to everyone. Always remember you are not the only one going through tough times & the support is there. You just have to open up to receiving it and not isolate yourself from dealing with it. There is no shame in asking for help whenever you are hurting & dealing with any addictions, self esteem or body image issues.

Make a difference to someone elses world by learning how to cope with these issues & then pay it forward to someone else in need. By doing this, maybe we can start eliminating so many of these issues that plaque the teen community today. Be careful who you let into your world and always listen to those “spidey senses” tingling~ which is your common sense talking.  Your gut will never ever lead you astray ~ always trust it.

Susan McCord@ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers