After 3 dates a guy blocked me and 1 week later he said that he made a mistake! He apologized saying that things had been moving way too fast. What should I do? Should I trust him and give him another chance?“
This is such a good question because blocking people seems to have become the new way to end things with someone. In my personal opinion, I feel that it is a cowardly and disrespectful way of walking away. It leaves no closure for the person sitting there wondering what the Hell happened!
The fact that this guy came back with an apology and explanation is a good thing, but my big question is why couldn’t he have been honest and just told you this, rather than blocking you without a word? Why did he have a problem openly communicating this to you?
I do respect him for owning his mistake but you must be wondering if this is a repetitive procedure with all of the women he has dated! I know I would wonder about this! That is where your trust question comes into play, “will he do this again if I give him another chance?”
In the early stages of any new relationship we really don’t know someone.
This is why it is so important to pay close attention to any red flags that pop up. Now that you have had a week to think about those 3 dates you had together, was there anything that made you question his character during that time?
- Was the conversation one-sided or a little closed off?
- Did he treat you well and follow through on everything with your dates?
- Was there any talk about an Ex? Is he over his past relationship?
- Was he emotionally guarded?
- Were you intimate with him and if so, did things seem to change afterward?
- Did he say anything about not being ready to be in a committed relationship?
Listening closely to someone we date is very important!
Quite often when we are very sexually attracted to someone, we overlook certain things because we are too obsessed with them to pay attention to what is really going on. We hear what we want to hear and ignore some really important information!
This happens a lot when we jump into bed too quickly! I am not sure if that is what transpired with you both, but if it did this can change how you interact with each other going forward. Some people have different expectations after they have sex with someone. Regardless of what actually happened in a romantic sense between the two of you, blocking you was definitely not a mature way to handle it.
He may have freaked himself out!
I have found in my own personal dating history and with many of my clients, that generally when something happens really fast, it often ends just as fast. It’s almost too good to be true so “let’s sabotage this and stop it from continuing!”
Very weird thinking right?
Yes, but unfortunately, this is what happens and many potentially great relationships fizzle out before they even get to the 4th date! Much of this is based on fear of commitment or not feeling worthy of having love in their life.
If you want a new relationship to continue, take your time getting to know each other. This way no one freaks out and runs in the opposite direction. Both of you need to be on board with setting the pace. You want to miss each other and really look forward to seeing each other again. This is the courtship phase and should be an exciting time! There is no rush!
Should you forgive him and give him another chance?
What does your gut say to this question? Only you really know what went on in those 3 dates you had together. If you had a great connection but you agree that you both just moved too quickly, you may want to see him one more time and talk it through.
If you feel that he is sincere with his apology, have some boundaries in place.
- Don’t sleep with him until you know each other better and you have established a trust with him.
- Listen closely to everything he says and watch his actions.
- Make sure things are balanced and reciprocated with how you interact as a couple.
He came back within a week knowing he made a huge mistake and at least this shows he’s not afraid to say sorry and make things right. Just make sure that if you do decide to date him again that you are on equal footing when it comes to communication. If he can’t open up and discuss things with you, he will continue to repeat a pattern to clam up and run away.
It’s not your job to fix him or to sit back and hope he will change. Being able to forgive someone is a great attribute but not at the expense of you being hurt over and over again. A solid and healthy relationship doesn’t consist of repetitive drama.
Thank you so much for writing Katrina and I would love to hear how things work out for you. I truly hope it all goes the way you want it to.
Sybersue xo <3
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