Dating Advice – Don’t Allow Yourself to be Benched!

Dating Advice – Don’t Allow Yourself to be Benched!

What the heck is benching?

It’s when someone keeps you on hold by giving you occasional attention but also keeping you on the back burner! Basically, they are not quite sure what they are going to do with you and usually have a few people on their their bench roster. They love to keep their options open!

What are the signs that someone is benching you?

1. They put in very little effort but when they do contact you they say something charming to keep you interested.
2. They tell you how busy they are and may take forever to text you back sometimes days/weeks, even though they always seem to have lots of time to be on their social media.
3. They seldom make concrete plans to meet up with you and when they finally do, they often bail on those plans with a weak excuse.
4. They are really smooth when they feel that you are starting to pull back, they use every ounce of charisma to lure you back in and keep you invested in them.
5. In some cases they will stay connected for months and you never actually ever meet them!

Why would someone bench you?

• They want to play the field and have many people on their wait list.
• They are usually serial daters and non-commital.
• Some benchers are emotionally challenged when it comes to being in a relationship. This game they play keeps them from having to get too personal and having to open up to anyone.
• They may have some abandonment or trust issues from their childhood or a past relationship.
• Some people think this is a “safe place” that will protect their heart from being broken.

How to avoid dating these types!

1. Pay close attention in the first conversation to everything someone tells you. Don’t read into their words with want you want to hear. Listen to what they are actually saying.
2. Have early boundaries with anyone you may date. The first rule should be that you walk away from any game playing at all.
3. Put a stop to their excuses as to why they can’t get together. When someone is really interested they make time to see you. It’s that simple!
4. You are receiving very limited contact from them. This clearly shows you that they are not connected with you. Don’t try to win them over, move on!
5. Try not to become attached to their attractiveness and their words. A bencher will often play the sexy card and maybe even flatter you with numerous compliments. This can get you into trouble and lure you into the wrong relationships. Their behavior and actions are what you need to be cognizant of.

Insecurities can be a big problem when it comes to dealing with a bencher.

Benchers aren’t looking for people who will give them a hard time. They want to be put on a pedastel and keep building up their roster. It’s all about playing into their ego. Don’t allow your ego to become vulnerable and play right into their game with their controlling push/pull maneuvers.

Don’t worry yourself wondering why they don’t want to see you or why they are continually hot and cold with their behavior. They are not worthy of your attention and the sooner you walk away from them you take back your control and self-worth.

A bencher is usually pretty obvious right from the start but we can often get caught in hearing a few nice words and get excited that someone is paying attention to us. Stand tall in your confidence and recongnize when someone is in your life for the right reasons and learn to walk away quickly from someone who isn’t.

Please watch the video above to see what signs you should be looking out for so that you don’t become benched by someone you are dating.

Sybersue xo <3

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