Dating Insecurities & Inhibitions!
Dating Insecurities is not the same thing as dating inhibitions but both scenarios will cause havoc in your love life if practiced on a regular basis. Inhibitions can just be lack of experimentation or fear of the unknown. Insecurities can be a lot stronger where help may be needed from a therapist to change a deep rooted problem.
What are some of the more common insecurities within our relationships?
- Body Image is #1!
- Intellect ~ are we smart enough for them and afraid of saying the wrong things?
- Their career is intimidating ~they are more successful.
- Asking yourself or them why they are with you ~ you don’t feel worthy.
- They more outgoing than you. You feel overlooked and invisible in a group.
- They are very attractive to the opposite sex!
- They have a very strong sex drive & you worry they will wander.
On a sexual level if you have had only a few partners in your lifetime, you may feel intimidated with how to make yourself sexier due to your inexperience. There may be a fear of how to initiate something or communicate with your partner between the sheets. This is very common & can be addressed easily if you are with the right partner who cares about you. There will be an openness that encourages you as a couple to experiment comfortably because you are not judging each other.
On the flip side; if the only people you have slept with constantly tell you that you need to lose weight or criticize you in the bedroom, this will not only make you feel insecure, it will inhibit you from wanting to be a better lover. A little encouragement goes a long way and if you are continually brow beaten into submission, you are not going to feel confident enough to bring out the tiger that lurks beneath.
There is making love and then there is sex; and with the right partner it can be mind blowing & life altering! How many times have you talked to your friends about what a good lover someone was, when really it was mostly about how they made you “feel” during that time? It wasn’t all about the happy ending but what happened in between that made you feel special. There was romance and a gentleness that allowed you to reciprocate the same back to your partner because they made you feel safe which allows the walls to come down.
Humans excel when they are complimented or rewarded with simple acknowledgement. Being a controlling person may get you want you want initially but after awhile it will be the demise of your relationship. Many of our choices are a reflection of how our life started in the early stages of our youth. Some of us chose a parent figure as a guideline or role model to mold ourselves after which can either be a good thing or bad thing. It is a visual behavior or pattern that many people fall into. If you spent much of your younger years being berated by your family or by bullies at school, your self esteem will play a huge part in who you become as an adult. The sooner we understand this the faster we will be able to change our beliefs and confidence levels.
What do we need to do to gain more confidence & lose our inhibitions that have plagued our growth & desires for too long?
Most of us are more comfortable with the “devil we know” as opposed to the one we don’t, so we continue to live in our childhood sandbox rather than venture outside to a new dimension. We are creatures of habit and are not overly comfortable in a completely new environment; so we repeatedly choose relationships that keep us from growing. Therefore our inhibitions continue to “own” us.
Inhibitions are one of the reasons online dating has become so popular. It is easy to hide behind a computer & try to get to know someone through E-mails and text messages. It is not as intimidating as the initial face to face contact & there is much less personal rejection because they haven’t actually met them yet. The problem with this type of dating is that you can take your time on the compute, unlike the bar situation where you only have a short time to take action before they leave. Unfortunately though the biggest complaint about dating sites/apps is that many people never actually end up meeting in person and spend way too much time texting without ever making a date.
Alcohol “liquid courage”is probably the most popular inhibition release there is. (I swear liquor stores would go out of business if people were as confident without it! How many people do you know that have got up to sing karaoke sober?) Social environments are popular when the booze is flowing generously, but at the end of the evening it may just be another story for the dating diary when you either add another booty call to the list, or hand out your number to someone who never ends up calling. It is always best to connect with people on a sober level regardless of how shy or insecure you may feel. Practice makes perfect! The more you put yourself out there the more comfortable you will become with face to face connections.
If you feel overwhelmed by your inhibitions & insecurities observe the people you have allowed in your life.
- Are your friendships healthy and reciprocated?
- Are your family and friends genuinely interested in your happiness?
- Is your job rewarding or deflating?
- Are they encouraging or do they try to squash you and your achievements?
- Do they offer assistance and support when things aren’t going well in your life?
Remember, inhibitions have to start somewhere. The more we alleviate negative behavior from our lives the more we will become comfortable to let down our guard to be more of who we actually are before the walls went up! We don’t start out frightened or afraid to try things, which is why many toddlers need to be watched carefully at early stages of their lives. They will try anything! We become more inhibited and insecure as our lives unfold; especially if we have constant aversion.
The more you do something a little out of character, the more you get over your inhibitions. Get out of your comfort zone as often as you can. Do something daily that you would not normally do. Experiment with strangers by talking with them, saying hello, or smiling. Talk with “trusted” friends or family about your insecurities or inhibitions. It is also good to talk to a professional counselor as they will be nonjudgmental and it might make you open up even more. By discussing these private subjects, it will enable you to learn how to actually deal with them because you are now aware of them. They will be supportive & offer suggestions to help you get past it & make your life more rewarding. Do the same for them as well.
Remember; we “all” have something we are insecure about & could use guidance on. No one is immune to that.
Susan McCord <3 Please Follow & Subscribe @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord