Dating Insecurities and Inhibitions
Dating Insecurities is not the same thing as dating inhibitions but both scenarios will cause havoc in your love life if practiced on a regular basis. Inhibitions can just be a lack of experimentation or fear of the unknown. Insecurities can be a lot stronger, where help may be needed from a therapist to change a deep-rooted problem.
What are some of the more common insecurities within our relationships?
- Body Image is #1!
- Intellect. Are we smart enough for them and afraid of saying the wrong things?
- Their career is intimidating. They are more successful.
- Asking yourself or them why they are with you. You don’t feel worthy.
- They are more outgoing than you. You feel overlooked and invisible in a group.
- They are very attractive to the opposite sex!
- Their sex drive is a big demand, and you worry they will wander.
On a sexual level, having only a few partners in your lifetime may make you feel intimidated. You wonder how to make yourself sexier due to your inexperience. There could be a fear of how to initiate something sexual or communicate with your partner between the sheets. This is very common and should be addressed easily if you are with the right partner who cares about you. There will be an openness that encourages you as a couple to experiment comfortably. You do not judge each other.
On the flip side; if the only people you have slept with constantly criticize you in the bedroom, this will not only make you feel insecure. It will inhibit you from wanting to be a better lover. A little encouragement goes a long way. If you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, you won’t feel confident. This will keep you stuck.
There is making love. Then there is sex. With the right partner, it can be mind-blowing and life-altering! How often have you talked to your friends about what a good lover someone was? In reality, it was mostly about how they made you “feel” during that time. It wasn’t all about the happy ending, but what happened in between that made you feel special. There was romance and gentleness. This allowed you to reciprocate the same back to your partner. They made you feel safe, which allows the walls to come down.
Humans excel when they are complimented or rewarded with simple acknowledgment. Being a controlling person may get you what you want initially. However, over time, it will lead to the demise of your relationship. Many of our choices are a reflection of how our lives started in the early stages of our youth. Some of us chose a parent figure as a guideline or role model to mold ourselves after.
This can either be a good thing or a bad thing. It is a visual behaviour or pattern that many people fall into. If you spent much of your younger years being berated by your family, it affects your self-esteem. Being bullied at school also impacts who you become as an adult. The sooner we understand this, the faster we will be able to change our beliefs and confidence levels.
What actions are necessary to gain more confidence? How can we lose our inhibitions that have plagued our growth and desires for too long?
Most of us are more comfortable with the “devil we know” as opposed to the one we don’t. Consequently, we continue to live in our childhood sandbox. We prefer this rather than venturing outside to a new dimension. We are creatures of habit. Many people are not overly comfortable in a completely new environment. Therefore, we repeatedly choose relationships that keep us stagnant. Our inhibitions continue to “own” us.
Inhibitions are one of the reasons online dating has become so popular. It is easy to hide behind a computer and try to get to know someone through Emails and text messages. It is not as intimidating as the initial face-to-face contact. There is much less personal rejection because they haven’t actually met them yet.
With this type of dating, you can take your time on the computer. In the bar situation, you only have a short time to take action before they leave. Unfortunately, the biggest complaint about dating sites/apps is that many people never actually meet in person. They spend way too much time texting without ever making a date.
Alcohol, “liquid courage,” is probably the most popular inhibition release there is. (I swear, liquor stores would go out of business if people were as confident without it! How many people do you know who have gotten up to sing karaoke sober?) Social environments are popular when the booze is flowing generously. However, at the end of the evening, it may be just another story for the dating diary. You might either add another booty call to the list, or hand out your number to someone who never ends up calling. It is always best to connect with people on a sober level,. Do this regardless of how shy or insecure you feel. Practice makes perfect! The more you put yourself out there, the more comfortable you will become with face-to-face connections.
If you feel overwhelmed by your inhibitions and insecurities, observe the people you have allowed in your life.
- Are your friendships healthy and reciprocated?
- Are your family and friends genuinely interested in your happiness?
- Is your job rewarding or deflating?
- Are they encouraging, or do they try to squash you and your achievements?
- Do they offer assistance and support when things aren’t going well in your life?
Remember, inhibitions have to start somewhere. When we alleviate negative behavior from our lives, we become more comfortable. We let down our guard and become more of who we actually are before the walls went up! We don’t start out frightened or afraid to try things, which is why many toddlers need to be watched carefully at the early stages of their lives. They will try anything! We become more inhibited and insecure as our lives unfold, especially if we have constant aversion.
The more you do something a little out of character, the more you get over your inhibitions.
- Get out of your comfort zone as often as you can.
- Do something daily that you would not normally do.
- Experiment with strangers by talking with them, saying hello, or smiling.
- Talk with “trusted” friends or family about your insecurities or inhibitions.
- It is also good to talk to a professional counsellor as they will be nonjudgmental. It will make you open up even more. Discussing these private subjects helps you learn how to deal with them. You become capable because you are now aware of them. They will be supportive & offer suggestions to help you make your life more rewarding.
Everyone has a few insecurities, regardless of how confident they appear. Remember that, when you feel nervous in someone’s presence. They are also feeling similar and hoping they come across well in the public eye.
Susan McCord <3
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