Dating Insecurities & Inhibitions!
Dating Insecurities is not the same thing as dating inhibitions but both scenarios will cause havoc in your love life if practiced on a regular basis. Inhibitions can just be lack of experimentation or fear of the unknown. Insecurities can be a lot stronger where help may be needed from a therapist to change a deep rooted problem.
What are some of the more common insecurities within our relationships?
- Body Image is #1!
- Intellect ~ are we smart enough for them and afraid of saying the wrong things?
- Their career is intimidating ~they are more successful.
- Asking yourself or them why they are with you ~ you don’t feel worthy.
- They more outgoing than you. You feel overlooked and invisible in a group.
- They are very attractive to the opposite sex!
- They have a very strong sex drive & you worry they will wander.
On a sexual level if you have had only a few partners in your lifetime, you may feel intimidated with how to make yourself sexier due to your inexperience. There may be a fear of how to initiate something or communicate with your partner between the sheets. This is very common & can be addressed easily if you are with the right partner who cares about you. There will be an openness that encourages you as a couple to experiment comfortably because you are not judging each other.
On the flip side; if the only people you have slept with constantly tell you that you need to lose weight or criticize you in the bedroom, this will not only make you feel insecure, it will inhibit you from wanting to be a better lover. A little encouragement goes a long way and if you are continually brow beaten into submission, you are not going to feel confident enough to bring out the tiger that lurks beneath.
There is making love and then there is sex; and with the right partner it can be mind blowing & life altering! How many times have you talked to your friends about what a good lover someone was, when really it was mostly about how they made you “feel” during that time? It wasn’t all about the happy ending but what happened in between that made you feel special. There was romance and a gentleness that allowed you to reciprocate the same back to your partner because they made you feel safe which allows the walls to come down.
Humans excel when they are complimented or rewarded with simple acknowledgement. Being a controlling person may get you want you want initially but after awhile it will be the demise of your relationship. Many of our choices are a reflection of how our life started in the early stages of our youth. Some of us chose a parent figure as a guideline or role model to mold ourselves after which can either be a good thing or bad thing. It is a visual behavior or pattern that many people fall into. If you spent much of your younger years being berated by your family or by bullies at school, your self esteem will play a huge part in who you become as an adult. The sooner we understand this the faster we will be able to change our beliefs and confidence levels.
What do we need to do to gain more confidence & lose our inhibitions that have plagued our growth & desires for too long?
Most of us are more comfortable with the “devil we know” as opposed to the one we don’t, so we continue to live in our childhood sandbox rather than venture outside to a new dimension. We are creatures of habit and are not overly comfortable in a completely new environment; so we repeatedly choose relationships that keep us from growing. Therefore our inhibitions continue to “own” us.
Inhibitions are one of the reasons online dating has become so popular. It is easy to hide behind a computer & try to get to know someone through E-mails and text messages. It is not as intimidating as the initial face to face contact & there is much less personal rejection because they haven’t actually met them yet. The problem with this type of dating is that you can take your time on the compute, unlike the bar situation where you only have a short time to take action before they leave. Unfortunately though the biggest complaint about dating sites/apps is that many people never actually end up meeting in person and spend way too much time texting without ever making a date.
Alcohol “liquid courage”is probably the most popular inhibition release there is. (I swear liquor stores would go out of business if people were as confident without it! How many people do you know that have got up to sing karaoke sober?) Social environments are popular when the booze is flowing generously, but at the end of the evening it may just be another story for the dating diary when you either add another booty call to the list, or hand out your number to someone who never ends up calling. It is always best to connect with people on a sober level regardless of how shy or insecure you may feel. Practice makes perfect! The more you put yourself out there the more comfortable you will become with face to face connections.
If you feel overwhelmed by your inhibitions & insecurities observe the people you have allowed in your life.
- Are your friendships healthy and reciprocated?
- Are your family and friends genuinely interested in your happiness?
- Is your job rewarding or deflating?
- Are they encouraging or do they try to squash you and your achievements?
- Do they offer assistance and support when things aren’t going well in your life?
Remember, inhibitions have to start somewhere. The more we alleviate negative behavior from our lives the more we will become comfortable to let down our guard to be more of who we actually are before the walls went up! We don’t start out frightened or afraid to try things, which is why many toddlers need to be watched carefully at early stages of their lives. They will try anything! We become more inhibited and insecure as our lives unfold; especially if we have constant aversion.
The more you do something a little out of character, the more you get over your inhibitions. Get out of your comfort zone as often as you can. Do something daily that you would not normally do. Experiment with strangers by talking with them, saying hello, or smiling. Talk with “trusted” friends or family about your insecurities or inhibitions. It is also good to talk to a professional counselor as they will be nonjudgmental and it might make you open up even more. By discussing these private subjects, it will enable you to learn how to actually deal with them because you are now aware of them. They will be supportive & offer suggestions to help you get past it & make your life more rewarding. Do the same for them as well.
Remember; we “all” have something we are insecure about & could use guidance on. No one is immune to that.
Susan McCord ❤ Please Follow & Subscribe @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show http://www.youtube.com/c/susanmccord
I found you through your YouTube channel & have been watching some of your videos. They have helped me a lot recently! I just had a baby I feel crappy about myself and my husband doesn’t seem to want to have sex with me as often. He says he is tired from working. He also has a temper and always mentions divorce in an argument when he’s mad. He has said many times that my feelings are an issue. This just adds more stress to what I already feel. How can I repair our marriage? We do love each other & have good times together but things have really changed with that too lately. He is also a big spender & wastes a lot of money. I am a stay at home mom with no income of my own. I tell him I’m lonely and sad because he works a lot and we don’t spend as much time together anymore. The romance has slowed dramatically which is very hurtful as he used to be sweet and caring. How do we get past this stage of our lives & is there hope to rekindle our loving relationship?
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I can relate to it very much and so can many other women out there. Having a baby is very stressful on a couple but even more difficult on the mother as she is the one dealing with body changes & new hormones. (Not to forget being sleep deprived and nursing a little baby constantly.) The fact that your husband isn’t as interested in sex is not helping and I am sure that plays on your self esteem even more. It is not unusual for some men to pull back sexually after watching their wife go through child birth but it usually subsides over a short time. I am not sure what you meant when your husband said your feelings are an issue? Are you talking about these problems all the time whenever you see him? It is difficult when you are home by yourself all day not talking to anyone & when he gets home you want to vent. Unfortunately this becomes a repetitive cycle pushing him even further away.
I do feel he is not being very supportive of you though, considering you just gave him a beautiful child. Did he not want to be a father or was it a surprise pregnancy? It sounds like he does not see his child very often with his work schedule which is not a good thing for your marriage. I think it is coming to the point where you both need counseling especially with the divorce threats. It almost sounds like you may both be dealing with some postpartum issues.
In the meantime the suggestions I would give you would be;
1) Get out of the house during the day and mingle with other people every chance you get.
2) Plan little outings a few times a week; join some mom’s groups so you can bring the baby.
3) Get a babysitter once a week and so something solely for YOU.
4) Do you go to a gym? If not this would be a good time to join one. I used to take my son to the daycare at the facility and have time for myself working out & relieving my stress. Looking & feeling good are a huge part of the battle after having a baby.
5) Do your hair, apply a little makeup and get out of your sweatpants when your husband comes home. Remind him why he was attracted to you in the 1st place.
6) Do not discuss all the things that are upsetting you every time he comes home from work. As hard as it is not to complain or tell him what is making you sad, he doesn’t want to hear it the minute he walks in the door. He needs some quiet time without added stress when he first gets home. Try to keep things to yourself for a few weeks & see if you notice any changes.
At the very least Christine, do things that make you happy. Don’t worry about him & his comments at the moment. Get yourself out of this slump but not relying on him to help you. Get outside & be active ~ that’s what I did! I got in good shape at the same time & found it to be amazing therapy as well. (Sweating releases harmful toxins.) Please let me know what transpires in the next little while OK? Thanks for writing ~ wishing you much happiness.
Hi, I’m doing a survey for school and would really appreciate your opinion if you feel comfortable answering my question: What do you think is the biggest issue which needs to be addressed in today’s society regarding teens: drug and alcohol abuse, bullying, eating disorders, self harm, or depression? Thanks so much for your help!(:
I just did some Interviews for an Independent Movie called “Heart of Dance” written by Scarlett Bruns. The script is based on a young woman who deals with Bulimia & Anorexia. This movie was made to bring awareness to this ongoing issue & illness. Regardless of how many programs & new facilities that are available today, it is still a very serious situation within our society.
Today I was on my Twitter account and read a tweet from Meena Mann (below) who I follow.
MeenaMann: that was a disturbing video! #brainwashing overload RT @hollyconway: This is wrong..Shape Ups for litle girls youtube.com/watch?v=30N-4o…
The video (I have posted above) has caught the attention of people who are now addressing it on twitter. I went to leave a comment about this on their (Sketchers) YouTube channel & the comment section has been disabled! It is not a wonder why with all the angry mothers out there and all the people who have had to deal with body image awareness. There needs to be some form of advertising restrictions when it comes to marketing their products to young girls like this. They are supposed to be kids & playing with toys or taking swimming lessons not worrying about how good their legs will look at 10 years old.
Young girls are very affected with their looks even more so today due to all the social media at their fingertips. Breast augmentation is now one of the priorities before getting their first job out of Highschool & Botox procedures are starting before 25 years old. So how do we stop this unsettling situation?
Dove advertizing is doing the right thing and bringing in women all shapes & sizes to show “we” are all beautiful regardless of not being a size 2. There are many Talent Agencies in Vancouver that look for REAL people to add to their rosters, and many companies are requesting this for their commercials. Elle Plus size models are in Canada & adding to their roster all the time. Actor & Writer Scarlett Bruns mentioned above, was also a plus size model and has some amazing photos in her portfolio. With people like her & many others who care about how body image is being portrayed, we might be able to gain some more support with other advertisers down the road. If everyone took the time to care a little, we can change this attitude to help our young women & men appreciate & love who they are.
Come and meet the cast & crew of “Heart of Dance” Movie fundraiser on June 5th at The Blarney Stone in Gastown.
Like most of us out there trying to pursue our dreams & career passions, we can all relate to the constant Craigslist creeping that we do on a daily basis. Depending on what job section you are searching in, it can be a tad depressing with what is out there. Many of the postings in the entertainment/talent section are all asking for people to work for no pay. As frustrating as that is, occasionally there will be one that stands out regardless. I found “that Ad” and submitted my information to them. Believe it or not, there are still lineups for these non-paying Gigs and people are more than willing to do these jobs strictly for the experience and resume status. (Those are the people who are passionate about what they do and what they want to achieve.)
Fortunately (or unfortunately) most of us do choose our careers and have no one to blame but ourselves with that choice. If we are unhappy or always complaining that someone makes more money than us or has a more exciting job, we need to alter our thinking or move into another direction. Saying that, I have been asked many times why I am pursuing my goal of having my own Talk Show, when I am making very little money at it and haven’t for over 6 years? People think I am crazy and sometimes I believed they were right & I asked myself if I was making a mistake quitting my full time job as a flight attendant to give 100% to my Show. Sometimes the negative comments do weigh on you & take a toll on your self esteem. So what keeps me going and pushing beyond the constant barriers I face in this Broadcasting/Entertainment Industry?
Loving what I do and occasionally getting a break from someone who likes what I am doing!
I applied for a Interview Hosting job for an Independent Film called “Heart Of Dance.” I spoke with the young woman who wrote the script & is also starring as the Lead Actor. I was blown away by her wealth of knowledge & resume statistics for her age! Scarlett Bruns is definitely an old soul and is here on this earth to leave a caring & charitable message to all of those lucky enough to come in contact with her. I am one of those…
The film “Heart of Dance” is to raise awareness for Bulimia and Anorexia in teens.
“Bruns Family Productions is supporting Looking Glass Foundation For Eating Disorders by creating a very meaningful feature film to help teens across North America who suffer from eating disorders.”
Check out the website http://www.heartofdancemovie.com
This movie project has brought much interest & support from numerous Actors & Crew who are all involved on a volunteer basis due to the film content & the need to bring awareness to this ongoing illness. I am proud to be chosen to be a part of this and I am happy I answered that Craigslist Ad. Sometimes life is not about what you get but more about what you can give.
I am looking forward to meeting all the people who are a part of this film and applaud their efforts and time involved from their personal lives to make this happen. It is so refreshing to see people care, in what has become a self absorbed world. It is reasons like this, that keep me believing in the goodness of people and in myself as well. THAT is what keeps me pushing towards my goals with each passing day.
~Hope to see everyone at the Silent Auction Fundraiser on June 5th @ The Blarney Stone in Gastown~
(Details on the the blog photo at the top of this page)
Susan McCord @ youtube.com/twobeavers
What is “body image” and who is it more of a problem for today – Men or Women?
Photos of (heart throb) Gerard Butler were taken last year when he was vacationing on a beach. He had apparently lost that ‘six pack’ all his lady fans admired and the paparazzi took advantage of it to share with the world. He looked like an average guy to me, but everyone made a big deal about it. Vince Vaughn also had his share of scrutinizing about his weight while he was dating Jennifer Aniston.
~Muscles are back in style, but not in bulk thank God. It’s all about looking fit, not oversized~
When you are a leading man or sex symbol you will “take the body image heat,” much more than if you are someone like Drew Carrey or Seth Rogan who are known for their humor first. Interestingly enough, both of these actors have recently whittled down a few sizes & are now entering a different category ~ Sexy!
There is so much pressure when you are in the public eye on a continual basis. People like Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Courtney Love & even Oprah are constantly dissected about how they look! Is it any wonder they always seemed distressed to the general public? No one leaves them alone for a minute. People say that if you are in the public eye you are fair game to criticism, who made up that nasty rule? Everyone has feelings & the old expression “names will never hurt you” is total crap.
It has a new name now~ Bullying.
One of the most popular TV reality shows is The Biggest Loser & I am surprised how many men watch it. They are curious. Times have changed and men have a reputation & body image to uphold just as women always have. (I think it is great to have the company LOL.) Maybe with everyone feeling a little bit of the pressure, it will be talked about less over time? Not a chance, wishful thinking on my part…
Both sexes of all ages are affected with body image. There are so many overweight children now due to the inactivity of their lives. Computer games & technology has made our kids lazy unless their parents get them involved in sports. Pressure to fit in at school with all the trends is overwhelming for many. It was easier way back when, I had a choice of Lee or Levi in my closet and Facebook was a note passed back & forth in the classroom.
Some teenage girls are now getting breast implants for graduation gifts from their parents and other plastic surgeries are happening younger and younger now. Botox is used before the age of 30 & anorexia isn’t a thing of the past unfortunately. I know a guy who recently had calf implants! I would really like to say that we are on our way to a less body conscious world, but the statistics are not showing the changes & now men have joined the ranks. It’s not going away anytime soon…
Sybersue’s Message: ~Compliment someone everyday for the rest of your life~
Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers