The first thing I would like to acknowledge here is that you are aware of this jealousy issue, which means you have a chance to fix this. Jealousy is a big problem and often contributes to the demise of many relationships. It is so important to understand what is happening between you and your partner in order to repair this damaging situation.
Have there always been feelings of jealousy with your partner?
Have you always had the tendency to be jealous, and is it something you have been dealing with in most of your relationships? If your answer is yes, there could be a fear of abandonment or distressing breakup trauma that you dealt with at a younger age. This can play havoc with your confidence when it comes to being in a romantic partnership. You may have developed a fear that they will eventually leave you, due to those scenarios you went through.
This could make you feel insecure in your partnership, which may require some counseling to help you heal from whatever transpired in the past. You may not even be aware of what this is until you delve into some professional therapy. It is definitely worth getting to the bottom of where your jealousy is derived from so that you can be in a healthy relationship with your partner.
Has something recently changed within your partnership that is making you jealous?
If this is a new feeling that you haven’t experienced with your partner before, there is an issue going on that needs to be discussed as a couple. Has something altered within the relationship that makes you feel insecure?
- Are they spending more time with their friends than with you?
- Does your partner keep their friendships separate from you?
- Do they not ever include you in any of their get-togethers?
- Are they spending more time with new friends that you have never met?
- Are they traveling more due to career or work changes?
- Have they started a new hobby or fitness regime that takes up a lot of their time?
- Do they come back from a night out with friends gushing about what a great time they had?
- Are they evasive or somewhat secretive about what they do when they are out with their friends?
- Have they recently changed their appearance, and they now care more about how they look when they are heading out for an evening without you?
- Are they on their phone a lot and constantly texting their friends when you are with them?
- Do you feel that they have more fun with their friends than with you?
Anytime something shifts in a relationship, it needs to be addressed.
Communication is always a big priority when either you, or your partner, is feeling insecure about something that has altered between you as a couple. Shutting down and hoping things just return to normal is a denial that certainly won’t help your relationship. When things are left unsaid, they can fester into a much larger problem that may be difficult to resolve.
It takes a much bigger person to admit to their feelings than to ignore them. It is OK to express your worries to your partner and in fact, it is a necessity if you want your relationship to flourish. Showing a little vulnerability once in a while is a good thing. Telling your partner you feel jealous when they don’t include you in things, or that they are spending more quality time with their friends over time spent with you, is important to share with them for your own self-respect.
Your partner may not even realize they are making you feel this way, and by letting them know, it can make a big difference in how they act moving forward. If you stay quiet about what is bothering you, they may think that you are fine with everything going on.
Friendship boundaries need to be put in place.
Having reciprocated friendship boundaries in a partnership is very important. This is something that you should both discuss as a couple when you first enter a committed partnership. There has to be an agreeable compromise regarding how often you spend time with other people outside your relationship. What is acceptable and what isn’t?
- How many days per week are boys/girls nights acceptable?
- Are separate vacations with friends permitted?
- Are opposite-sex friendships OK?
- Meeting their friends is a polite requirement, regardless of whether you ever participate in an evening out with them. It’s always good to put a face to a name.
- There should be adequate notice given when you are heading out with friends. Making last-minute plans does not show respect for your partner’s time. They could have made their own plans earlier, and now they are sitting at home alone.
- Be sensitive to your partner if you have a bigger friendship group than they have. You might have to occasionally make group nights out rather than numerous single evenings.
- Your partner should always be the priority over any friendship. If you ever have to make a decision due to a calendar conflict, always choose them.
To reduce jealousy in your partnership, make sure you have enough going on in your own life that gives you a purpose.
Quite often when your life is feeling a little stagnant, and your partner’s life seems so much better, it can leave you feeling jealous and insecure. “Why is everything happening for them but not for me?” The trouble with allowing your thoughts to go in this direction, it can be a tough place to get out of. It is not easy to pick yourself up when you’re in a funk about what’s not happening in your own life.
It is important to get out of your comfort zone once in a while and try something new. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, but growth only happens when you don’t allow yourself to be too routine or complacent. It could be as simple as trying a new sport, signing up for volunteer work, or taking a class that interests you. This not only keeps your head clear of negative or insecure thoughts, it puts a spring in your step! When you continually achieve new goals, it makes you feel refreshed and alive. It gives you a purpose!
If you want to evolve together as a couple, it is important to be on the same page with each other.
If you feel like you are taking a backseat to your partner’s friendships, it is time to step up and discuss what might be missing in your relationship. It is not uncommon for couples to make their job, their children and their home, the bigger priorities over nurturing the love for their partner.
Unfortunately, this is a mistake and a big reason many relationships start to fizzle out. It is important to keep the fun factor happening between you both. Laughter is healing and also keeps you closely connected. It’s hard to feel jealous or insecure when you are enjoying each other!
Keeping your relationship in a happy place takes work, but so does everything in your life. Organize weekly date nights and always have something planned on the calendar that you can both look forward to. If you practice this on a regular basis you will never be bored in your partnership and it will reduce the feelings of jealousy. Your partner won’t want to go out socializing with friends as often when they are having such a great time with you.
Another wonderful thing about enjoying time with your partner is that even when you do have plans with your friends, you look forward to coming home to each other. There is no drama or any arguments waiting to happen because you respect the effort each other is making to keep the love alive between you. Relationships are a full-time job and an ongoing process, but well worth the time and energy spent making each other feel special. Never forget the reasons why you fell in love. ❤️❤️
*Please watch the video above to see what else I have to say on this important discussion.
Thank you for visiting here today, Sybersue xo
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