My Boyfriend Vanished after 10 months, but 1 Year Later he Wants to Come Back.
Dear Sybersue,
I was dating this 36-year-old guy for 10 months, and instead of telling me he wanted to break up, he just stopped contacting me altogether! During our time together, he told me he loved me all the time. We weren’t living together, but we spent 4-5 days a week together.
There were no hints or red flags that he was unhappy; he just vanished without a word. I was heartbroken, and when I tried contacting him, he did not return any of my calls or texts. He actually ended up blocking my number!
It has been 1 year since he walked away. He has recently apologized and told me he wants to get back together again. There wasn’t much substance to his apology, and he basically said he felt different after 6 months into our relationship and wanted out.
He says he misses me, but he is not ready for any big commitment right away. He wants to see how things go.
What do you think, should I let him back in?
Caroline
Dear Caroline,
This guy sounds flaky to me. If a relationship is on the right path, why would anyone walk away from someone they love without any explanation? I am glad to hear he apologized. However, he seems to lack sincerity in his words and actions. I don’t think he understands how all of this has affected you. He has come back calling all the shots!
He already threw out the “not ready for any big commitment” comment. So, he doesn’t sound any more emotionally available to be in a permanent relationship than he was the first time. He is 36 years old and should have handled this whole thing with more respect and maturity toward you. That is what you should really think about here.
There are also many questions you need to ask yourself, Caroline:
- Why did he feel the need to block your calls rather than discuss the reason he left?
- What took him a year to come back, and what made him come back?
- What did he do in that year while he was away from you?
- Did he leave you for another person?
- Do you really love him, and can you trust him again?
- Was he faithful to you while he was with you?
You were finally moving on emotionally, and he just walks back in, tugging at your heartstrings. I understand your confusion, as you did not have any closure as to why he just pulled away and left. I am not an advocate of on-and-off partnerships. However, occasionally (and I use the word lightly), there is a valid reason why someone walked away. They deserve a second chance. Unfortunately, he is not offering you that. He comes across as cocky and expects you to jump back in again without a thought about how he left you a year ago.
You know in your heart if he is there for the right reasons. Listen to your instincts because they are seldom wrong. Many people choose to ignore their spidey senses because they want to believe something is there when it really isn’t. If we listened to our gut each time we felt that nagging twinge, we would experience less heartache. This would hold true throughout our lives.
Remember that when a relationship is right, it isn’t that difficult, and there are very few questions. Putting in too much time with the wrong person takes away time from meeting the right person.
He didn’t really have a valid reason for leaving a year ago, so what will prevent him from doing it again? Remember the old saying, “actions speak louder than words,” which is something to really consider in your situation. His actions were pretty clear! You deserve real love in your life; always believe that.
Keep me posted, and thank you for writing!
Sybersue <3 Please check out Dear Sybersue Talk Show
