My Boyfriend Vanished after 10 months but 1 Year Later he Wants to Come Back.
Dear Sybersue,
I was dating this 36 year old guy for 10 months and instead of telling me he wanted to break-up he just stopped contacting me all together! He told me he loved me all the time and although we weren’t living with each other, we spent 4-5 days a week together.
There were no hints or red flags that he was unhappy, he just vanished without a word. I was heart-broken and when I tried calling him he did not return any of my calls or texts. He actually ended up blocking my number! It has been 1 year since he walked away and he has now apologized and told me he wants to get back together again. There wasn’t much substance to his apology and he just basically said he felt differently after about 6 months into our relationship and wanted out.
He says he misses me but he is not ready for any big commitment right away but wants to see how things go.
What do you think, should I let him back in?
Caroline
Dear Caroline,
This guy sounds flakey to me. If a relationship is on the right path why would anyone need to remove themselves from someone they love? I am glad to hear he apologized but he seems to lack sincerity with his words and actions and I am not sure he understands how all of this has affected you. He came back calling all the shots and already threw out the “not ready for any big commitment” comment so he doesn’t sound anymore ready to be in a permanent relationship than he was the first time. He is 36 years old and should have handled this whole thing with more respect and maturity towards you. That is what you should really think about here.
There are also many questions you need to ask yourself Caroline:
- Why did he feel the need to block your calls rather than discuss the reason he left?
- What took him a year to come back and what made him come back?
- What did he do in that year while he was away from you?
- Did he leave you for another person?
- Do you really love him and could you trust him again?
- Was he faithful to you while he was with you?
You were finally moving on emotionally and he walks back in tugging on your heartstrings. I can see why you would be confused because you did not have any closure or explanation as to why he just pulled away and left. I am not an advocate of on & off again partnerships, but occasionally (and I use the word lightly) there is a valid reason why someone walked away & they deserve a second chance. You know in your heart if he is there for the right reasons. Listen to your instincts because they are seldom wrong. Many people choose to ignore their spidey senses because they want to believe something is there when it really isn’t. If we all listened to our gut whenever we felt that nagging twinge, we would have so much less heartache throughout our lives.
Remember that when a relationship is right, it isn’t that difficult and there are very few questions. Putting in too much time with the wrong person can take away time from meeting the right person. He didn’t really seem to have a valid reason for leaving a year ago so what will prevent him from doing it again? Remember the old saying “actions speak louder than words” which may be something to think about in your situation. His actions were pretty clear! You deserve real love in your life, always believe that.
Keep me posted & thank you for writing!
Sybersue <3 Please check out Dear Sybersue Talk Show
