Advice: Don’t Ignore The Red Flags on the First Few Dates

“Be aware of the red flags & maintain some boundaries when you are dating!”

Famous last words right??

It is not easy today in the world of relationships, dating and rarely meeting someone in a face to face scenario. Everyone is behind their technology screens and hoping & praying that they find someone they can eventually fall in love with.

Unfortunately men & women are frustrated and some people are becoming desperate enough to let some of their core values fall to the basement of their priorities! This is not a good thing and even if it gets them a few months in a relationship, they are not being true to themselves and short changing their future happiness.

Being too picky is not a good thing but overlooking key principals that are important to you are just as bad if you want a relationship of substance.

Finding love is definitely a lot of work, but well worth the investment when it happens. Don’t settle just because you are lonely, or feeling pressure from your friends, family or your age. It’s your life, nobody elses and you can take all the time in the world to get it right.

There is no time clock unless you allow one to be there.

Many people think that they are taking the easy road by accepting only a small piece of what they want in a partner. Sadly it becomes a burden because everyday you see the sacrifice you made.

The red flags are waving in your face to get your attention and if you choose to ignore them and be OK in a fictitious relationship, you will always been yearning for what could have been.

No one is perfect and no one is telling you to look for perfection so don’t overlook the qualities that are important to you.

We all have different morals & standards but our character should never be compromised to the point in where we lose a big part of ourselves just to be with someone else.

They should be an extension of who we are; not the other way around.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Relationship Talk Show   Dear Sybersue Facebook

 

Relationship Advice: My EX Wants Me Back!

What do you do if your Ex wants to come back into your life?

Should you give the relationship another try? You spent a lot of time getting over them and now they are once again professing their love to you!

Do you trust them? Is it too late?

There is always a reason why a relationship ends and we have to be careful that we understand the reasons why it did end before we take a leap of faith to repeat the same scenario. There are lots of things to think about and questions to ask yourself.

Some people never change while other people do.

Your intuition is your best guide in times like this so don’t ignore any red flags that it gives you. If your gut says yes, give it a shot. Life and love are all about timing.  Sometimes a relationship can be better the second time around because you have both had a chance to grow and mature.

Watch this video above to see what else Dear Sybersue has to say on how to handle this situation.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show
facebook.com/dearsybersue
Blogs & Videos @ sybersue.com

 

Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend Vanished after 10 months but 1 Year Later he wants to Come Back!

Dear Sybersue: My Boyfriend Vanished after 10 months but 1 Year Later he wants to Come Back!

Can Love Blossom the Second Time Around

Can Love Blossom the Second Time Around

My Boyfriend Vanished after 10 months but 1 Year Later he Wants to Come Back.

Dear Sybersue,

I was dating this 36 year old guy for 10 months and instead of telling me he wanted to break-up he just stopped contacting me all together! He told me he loved me all the time and although we weren’t living with each other, we spent 4-5 days a week together.

There were no hints or red flags that he was unhappy, he just vanished without a word. I was heart-broken and when I tried calling him he did not return any of my calls or texts.  He actually ended up blocking my number!  It has been 1 year since he walked away and he has now apologized and told me he wants to get back together again.  There wasn’t much substance to his apology and he just basically said he felt differently after about 6 months into our relationship and wanted out.

He says he misses me but he is not ready for any big commitment right away but wants to see how things go.

What do you think, should I let him back in?

Caroline

Dear Caroline,

This guy sounds flakey to me. If a relationship is on the right path why would anyone need to remove themselves from someone they love? I am glad to hear he apologized but he seems to lack sincerity with his words and actions and I am not sure he understands how all of this has affected you. He came back calling all the shots and already threw out the “not ready for any big commitment” comment so he doesn’t sound anymore ready to be in a permanent relationship than he was the first time. He is 36 years old and should have handled this whole thing with more respect and maturity towards you. That is what you should really think about here.

There are also many questions you need to ask yourself Caroline:

  • Why did he feel the need to block your calls rather than discuss the reason he left?
  • What took him a year to come back and what made him come back?
  • What did he do in that year while he was away from you?
  • Did he leave you for another person?
  • Do you really love him and could you trust him again?
  • Was he faithful to you while he was with you?

You were finally moving on emotionally and he walks back in tugging on your heartstrings. I can see why you would be confused because you did not have any closure or explanation as to why he just pulled away and left.  I am not an advocate of on & off again partnerships, but occasionally (and I use the word lightly) there is a valid reason why someone walked away & they deserve a second chance. You know in your heart if he is there for the right reasons. Listen to your instincts because they are seldom wrong. Many people choose to ignore their spidey senses because they want to believe something is there when it really isn’t. If we all listened to our gut whenever we felt that nagging twinge, we would have so much less heartache throughout our lives.

Remember that when a relationship is right, it isn’t that difficult and there are very few questions. Putting in too much time with the wrong person can take away time from meeting the right person. He didn’t really seem to have a valid reason for leaving a year ago so what will prevent him from doing it again?  Remember the old saying “actions speak louder than words” which may be something to think about in your situation. His actions were pretty clear! You deserve real love in your life, always believe that.

Keep me posted & thank you for writing!

Sybersue ❤    Please check out Dear Sybersue Talk Show

Dear Sybersue; I have been in an “On and Off” Long Distance Relationship with my guy.

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Life’s Sunsets

Dear Sybersue;

I have been in an “On and Off” Long Distance Relationship with my guy but I think “the sun may have set” for the last time & it is really over now.

My boyfriend Jared and I have broken up 3 or 4 times each time lasting from only a few hours to a few days, with the exception of this last break which has lasted for over 3 weeks with no contact. He lives 3 hours away from me but we still managed to stay together by compromising and meeting halfway for the past 18 months. Jared is my very first love and I am also his first love.

Before we met, he was the type of guy who just didn’t settle down with one woman! He hooked up with many girls but never really knew what a relationship was. I was the first women he committed to.  He says I taught him many things about love even though our relationship has always been a bumpy ride dealing with lies, mistrust, jealousy, long distance, and both of us cheating on each other.

We both wanted to stay with each other regardless of all the obstacles because we truly did love each other and wanted no one else. The last break up was because he felt like he wanted to be single again. He said that our constant fights were getting to him and that we needed a break, as he did not feel quite the same anymore.  He has a hectic schedule with 2 jobs, his fitness regime; a busy family life and many friends, but has always made time for me at least once a week.

The main reason he wants this breakup is because he is envious of his friends that are in normal relationships without all the problems of a long distance partnership.  He wants to be alone now and he is sorry for everything that went wrong & said he will never love a girl the way he loved me. Maybe I am in denial but I just can’t accept that it is over as we were so perfect together! We were even talking about getting an apartment together but I told him it was best that I stay with my family until we had the money. 

Maybe the time apart will do us good so he can figure himself out, grow up a little and maybe we can rekindle our relationship later. What do you think? I am confused as he told me he loved me 4 days ago and now we’re not together anymore. What do you think?

Kim

Dear Kim,

Your first love can be a very confusing time in your life because it is a new emotion you have never dealt with before. It is such a wonderful euphoric feeling that you don’t want to let go of it despite many of the obstacles. Having a long distance relationship is very difficult to maintain due to insecurities a couple often feels while they are apart.This sounds like one of the biggest concerns for him due to the fact that he is envious of couples that do not have a geographical situation. This is could be the reason for your constant fighting.

You mentioned that you both cheated on each other during your 18 months together which is a big red flag that your relationship has issues! You said you were the first girl he committed to, but in reality he has not been committed at all. You have broken up numerous times, you have been sexual with other people, and now he says he wants to be single again. I believe that he loves you but love is not always enough to keep a partnership together. Taking a break is not the answer either because when a relationship is right, you don’t walk away from each other.

You are both young and you are right that he may need time to grow up a bit and find himself. Say goodbye for now but don’t hang on waiting for him to come back. Live your own life without worrying about his “on and off again” feelings, or what may happen with regards to rekindling something with him. If it happens down the road you can make the decision then. Breaking up 3 or 4 times in 18 months is not a healthy relationship and you need to move on so that you stop repeating this ongoing drama you have with him.

Everyone comes into your life for a reason but it is important to know when their time has expired, so you can guide yourself toward a more suitable partnership that brings you happiness. Relationships can be a bit of a challenge but they shouldn’t be a continual roller coaster ride. Maintaining your self respect should always be adhered to with anyone that enters your life. Be careful that you don’t get addicted to the breakup/makeup highs & lows as it could become a pattern in future relationships.

Thanks for writing Kim xo

Sybersue @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers