Texting is such a big part of communication today, but it can cause a lot of insecurities, confusion, and mixed messages.
Good intentions can often get lost in text because of how someone delivers the message. Without hearing their tone of voice or seeing their facial expressions, it’s easy to misinterpret their words. A text that was intended to be playful or direct can come across as cold or dismissive when reduced to a few sentences on a phone screen. Before jumping to conclusions, consider that the person’s delivery of the text may not reflect their actual intentions. Whenever in doubt, ask them for more clarification.
Even in my own house, I feel like I’m playing texting charades with my husband sometimes. We have very different communication styles. I am a communicator and a writer on a daily basis, so it comes naturally to me. He is not a man of many words, so I have had to be patient deciphering his texts over the years.
People often misread each other’s texts, especially if you are still getting to know someone. You might be more of an emotional texter, while someone you’re dating isn’t comfortable with showing that vulnerability. You may read into this thinking that they’re not as invested as you are. Unfortunately, these early assumptions can cause problems in new relationships.
Texting etiquette should be respectfully reciprocated to avoid causing insecurities.
You should both be on the same page with how you communicate. It is important to have early discussions about your expectations, especially when starting a new relationship. If something is starting to bother you about how they correspond, don’t let it build up before you question things.
Rather than trying to interpret their text, simply tell them you didn’t quite understand what they meant. Ask them to elaborate so you are not left trying to make sense of every text they send. Learning how to message someone with a creative flair is always appreciated. It also leaves very few unanswered questions when you are getting to know each other.
Here are some texting isssues that can cause insecurities and mixed messages.
- One-word replies:
Texting words like OK, no, yes, or a simple emoji really doesn’t offer much communication to the person receiving the text. It comes across as very curt and cut off. Be courteous and thoughtful when texting someone you’re dating.
2. Delayed responses:
You may send them a good morning text at 9am, and you hear nothing back from them till 9pm. This is a common complaint because it sends out a message that they may not be as invested as you are. This causes you to second-guess where you stand with them. “Are they seeing other people? Did I say something they didn’t like in my last text?”
3. Daily texting stops or slows down:
This can bring out insecurities if you have been texting someone regularly in the first month of meeting them. Everything is going great, and then all of a sudden, the reciprocal communication slows down drastically. The flirting has stopped, and the texts have become more superficial. This happens when people jump in too fast and then pull back just as fast. If you slow things down and take the time to get to know someone, this is less likely to happen.
4. Don’t always assume the worst:
Be communicative with each other. A good rule of thumb is to let each other know your work schedules and other busy days you have planned for the week ahead. This type of etiquette keeps the other person informed of what to expect. It takes away insecurities and lets them know you are interested, but you have a couple of busy days coming up.
Send them a quick text to let them know you’re thinking about them and that you look forward to talking to them later. This simple gesture will keep you close during those busy times. They are not second-guessing your actions because you’re communicating with them.
5. Not re-reading your texts before sending:
Auto-correct creates confusion! Always read over your messages before you hit send. Having to decipher every text can get very frustrating for the person on the receiving end.
6. Sending numerous texts throughout the day:
Many people are busy at their jobs, and it is disturbing when someone sends 5 separate texts in a row, setting off the notification bell like a pinball machine. Sending one text during their lunch hour is acceptable. You both should have boundaries for texting during the day.
7. Leaving messages on READ without answering:
This is a very big frustration when it comes to dating. When someone texts you, do not open the message if you don’t have time to answer back. This lack of respect makes so many people insecure about whether they are a priority in someone’s life.
There is no excuse not to answer a message when you took the time to open it. It takes 10 seconds to type back a response, even if you are busy. Say something like: I am sorry I can’t chat right now. I am really swamped at work. I will text you after 5 PM on my way home. Be considerate! Please don’t leave people hanging. It certainly doesn’t make them feel special.
8. A texting time waster or breadcrumber:
Be very aware of someone who continually texts you but never follows through on meeting up in person. This is a very common practice with scammers, catfishers, and people who are not looking for a serious relationship. There are also plenty of people who are happy to be in a textationship rather than getting together face-to-face. They often say all the right things, offering breadcrumbs of flattery and romantic texts to keep you interested.
If someone keeps making excuses about why they can’t see you in person, they are not genuinely interested in having a relationship. If you are looking for a commitment, be honest, tell them you want more, and be strong enough to walk away. Too many women spend months waiting for someone to finally make time for them, only to end up disappointed when the relationship never moves forward.
Having similar communication styles is important today.
Some relationships end due to assumptions made via texting rather than having a conversation in person about what each other is feeling. Healthy texting etiquette is really about mutual respect. This means being considerate of each other’s time and feelings. It also means recognizing when it is better to pick up the phone or have a face-to-face conversation rather than trying to solve questions or problems through your smartphone.
Don’t leave someone on hold waiting for your text response. It only takes a few seconds to let someone know that you’re busy and will respond later. You should both have similar expectations about how often you communicate throughout the day. Constant texting can be overwhelming. Being a serial texter who sends messages all day long can come across as clingy, especially in the early stages.
Learn how to text creatively rather than generically. Give your conversations some personality. Ask meaningful questions, flirt a little, and use playful humour whenever possible. Don’t use texting as a substitute for a real connection. The goal is to build a relationship that feels good through all forms of communication. The right person will not leave you confused and analysing every text; they will leave you feeling confident and secure about when you stand as a new couple.
*Please watch the video below for more information on today’s topic:
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