Dear Sybersue; Women are Weird! Do They Even Know What They Want?
I need to address something that really frustrates me. I’m a 35 year old male and I have still not figured anything out yet when it comes to meeting the right woman! Women are just strange creatures indeed; regardless of their age!
Younger women are on a long learning curve about life and I don’t want to spend my life teaching them everything. (They also have this sense of entitlement that drives me crazy! Where did they get these unrealistic expectations anyway?) Many women my own age seem to be on a ticking biological clock and are looking for a man to make babies with. Some of them don’t even care if there is a connection as long as there is a sperm donor. Sorry to be so crass but I’m not making this up!
Older women seem to have more regrets about what they did or didn’t do when they were younger and seem a little edgy or angry for the most part! I’ve never dated an older woman (but I have spoken to many of them) so forgive me if my comment might offend you. I know I am generalizing with all of this but my guy friends agree with me for the most part. All I know is that when it comes to a woman’s needs I bend over backwards until I break. Some women say I try too hard and some say I don’t try hard enough. This is why they all seem so wierd to me! I can’t please any of them, any of the time. If I am too nice I am considered boring or pussy whipped and if I am more evasive and not so eager, I am an as$hole.
What do they really want? If you ask me I think they are the ones who are confused & don’t know what they want or what is important to them! Talk about mixed signals! I know not all men are a great catch either but right now I am just trying to figure out my part in all this. It just seems everyone has become so shallow and quick to judge each other. I just want to be in a normal loving partnership that is reciprocated and healthy.
Is there such a thing or I am delusional hoping there could be?
Thanks, Tony
Dear Tony,
I am not offended at all & I agree with much of your frustration for the most part. You are at the age where you are ready to make some major life decisions and it isn’t easy these days! Men and women have changed and confusion has set in as to what both sexes want anymore! So many people seem to have a guarded attitude which just repels a potential date in the opposite direction. We all need to change our judgmental perceptive on each other to even have the slightest chance at finding love in our lives.
You asked what you can do to change your part in what isn’t working in your love life and there are a few things you can do to change your own attitude. You are in danger of becoming stuck in a negative and jaded place and you are probably in a dating pattern that you aren’t even aware of. You may be attracted to a certain type of woman that doesn’t work for you. Many guys do not even realize that they keep going for the same shallowness because they are only choosing high maintenance women. They make her looks the priority without checking out the whole person. We are all visual creatures but we have be able to look beyond our pulsing loins to meet a quality partner.
Make a list & write down all the important things you really want in a woman & don’t stop reading it until you meet her. Sometimes we don’t find what we really want because we are confused as to what that is. We spend a lot of time saying “we know what we don’t want” but seldom say out loud “we know what we want and what is important” to us.
You shouldn’t have to bend over backwards for anyone in a relationship as it should be a reciprocated partnership where you both do things for each other. There “is” such a thing as being too nice or too doting on someone which can be a turn off for some women. No one wants someone they can push around in the long run ~ they will end up losing respect for that person because they have too much control & not enough excitement or mystery. Being predictable can become boring over the years together and it is healthy & fun to keep them guessing just a little. I don’t mean continually playing games but just to change things up a bit so that it is refreshing when you see each other.
10 Things You Can Do to Change Up Your Dating Scenario:
- In the first stages of meeting someone new, do not put out “all of you” right away.
- Get to know them slowly & watch how they treat you & others around them.
- Change up the type of women you date. Look outside your usual sandbox!
- If there a sense of entitlement & expectations on their part, remove yourself early on. Women who are takers are generally pretty obvious right from the start.
- Be pleasant & respectful with the women you are dating but don’t try too hard! When it is right it has a natural feel to it.
- Stop going to the same places to meet someone. Change up your surroundings.
- Work on your attitude and don’t paint all women the same way by saying they are all weird. You are attracting them towards you for a reason so alter your thinking to attract the right one towards you.
- The most important point in all of this is to know what “you” want, put it out there & believe she will show up in your life.
There is someone for everyone we just need to trust (& not ignore) our instincts, to allow the right one to come in.
Thanks for writing Tony, wishing you much love & happiness always.
xo Sybersue <3
