Welcome to Dear Sybersue! Today I discuss Emily’s email regarding her new relationship.

Dear Sybersue,

I would like to know why my boyfriend of 6 months is pulling back so much and why he is being so hot and cold with me? He was all in from the start, and we saw each other every day! Now he is becoming very emotionally detached, although he is a little more assertive than usual during any intimate time we share together.

His behavior is making me feel very anxious, and he never mentions anything about a future together. I really want him to change back to how he was in the first few months when things were so romantic between us. I don’t know what to do, and I am afraid that I will eventually lose him. He doesn’t like talking about it at all!

Why is he like that, and is there any hope for us? What can I do to fix this situation?

Emily

Dear Emily,

This is common for both sexes. It happens when a new relationship shifts out of that lustful phase and enters the second “where do we go from here” phase. Unfortunately, many partnerships end during this time. This occurs because one person feels pressured into making more of a commitment than they may be ready for.

Expectations can dramatically alter within a relationship if the couple isn’t on the same page at the same time. It can become a “turn off which will push the other one away.

In the beginning, everything feels great and exciting. Couples often fall into the addictive pheromone zone. They let it control their actions. It’s just so damn powerful that they allow themselves to go headfirst into seeing someone as much as possible!

This often happens when you finally meet that person who makes you so weak at the knees (and other places.) You end up ignoring all those red flags telling you to slow down. Many men and women are guilty of doing this.

It is so important to take your time in getting to know someone. We all need to stop jumping into a new relationship so fast! Seriously, what is the rush? Why do we need this instant gratification all the time?

Emily, I suggest you hold off on your expectations to know more about your future with him. I would understand you would want these questions answered if you had been together for 2 years. It has only been 6 months. That is way too early to “have the serious talk”, and it will scare him away.

Put a little excitement back into your relationship and take the pressure out of the equation.

You both need to bring a little courtship back in and get excited about dating each other again. You have gone into full-blown marital mode in a way too short a time.

I understand that he was the leader in how this relationship transformed so quickly. That makes it even more frustrating! “Why is he running away when he was the one who initiated the speed of this partnership?”

Believe me, you are not the first woman to ask this question! Some men enter a new relationship very quickly when they meet someone they find really attractive. However, they often freak themselves out. Then they start running in the opposite direction.

It really doesn’t matter who the initiator was. It is important to keep things going at a slower pace. This allows you to really get to know each other. It’s not just about how compatible you both are between the sheets. There is a lot more to a partnership than just having sexual chemistry. (Although that is also a big part of a healthy relationship!)

He may be a little more assertive when you are intimate right now, because he misses being romantic with you. He has pulled back from you. So, when you do see each other, he now sends out these mixed signals. He wants to be with you, but he may be feeling overwhelmed by how fast things have moved between you. Make sure you are alright with what is transpiring in the bedroom. Never feel pressured into doing anything that makes you uncomfortable!

Your partner should be an extension who of who you already are.

Don’t make him your whole life. See your friends more often. Keep your individuality. Be OK with seeing him less for a while. Do not constantly text him. Don’t question what he is doing when he is not with you. Avoid asking him how he is feeling about your relationship. Let things flow naturally, and maybe you can salvage your relationship. If things are meant to be between you as a couple it will happen without too much effort.

Let him miss you once in a while!

It is healthier not to see your boyfriend 24/7, even if you manage to get things back in a great place in your partnership. Couples should always have some interests and hobbies outside their relationship. Everyone needs a little space and some alone time.

Keeping some independence makes you appreciate your partner even more when you are together. You don’t feel suffocated when your partner isn’t super needy, and you look forward to your time together.

Hopefully, you can get things back on track, Emily, by trying some of these things. Keep me posted and let me know how things turn out for you.

Sybersue xo <3

Personal Dating or Relationship Questions for Sybersue? Contact me via dearsybersue@gmail.com and text me to set up a video/audio call within 24 hours.

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