Hi there! Welcome to Dear Sybersue. Today’s topic is: Does Your Family Cause Problems in Your Relationship?
We’ve all heard the term “family is everything” but family can also cause problems within your partnership when there are too many expectations put on you. There can often be dysfunctional situations that continue to play a big part in your adult life, or there may be a continual guilt trip from your family scenario that seeps over into your personal happiness with your partner.
It is important to be aware of whether your family is supportive or destructive when it comes to your relationship.
If there is a repetitive issue or argument that takes place whenever you see your family, this needs to be addressed and dealt with as quickly as possible. Not only does it take a toll on your self-worth within your family dynamic, but it can also alter how you connect on an emotional level with your partner. In other words, your moods affect your partner’s moods.
If you are allowing your family to consistently bring you down and have control over your time and your feelings, it will eventually start to cause a rift at your own home as well. As an adult, you do have some say in how you live your life, and you should not be ruled by family pressure to the extent that it causes unresolved problems with your partner. I understand that some people and certain cultures have more family expectations than others might have, but you still need to enjoy some freedom to live the life you chose to live with your spouse as well.
Your partner wants to be supportive of any family issues you have to deal with, but you have to help yourself at the same time.
Finding ways to address different family complications is something you can discuss together as a couple, but you have to also be willing to actually make some changes before your partner feels like the last priority in your life. If the repetitive drama keeps happening, it is imperative to find another solution. It’s not fair for your partner to have to watch the same difficult scenarios playing out over and over again without any positive changes ever taking place.
- You may have to start being more selective as to when you see your family, and only plan visits around a few special occasions.
- You may also have to visit your parents and siblings separately without your partner for a while, as they might need a break from it all.
- It would also be a good idea to spend less time talking about your family situation when you are with your spouse, especially if it continually makes you sad or feel emotionally detached. This will spill over into your partnership and cause friction between you both at home.
The less energy you give to something hurtful in your life, the easier it is to be objective about what is actually transpiring. It can often be a habit that is hard to break without even realizing you are caught up in it. Problematic family dynamics can do that to many people, as there can be a lot of expectations and guilt to deal with. This isn’t easy to handle on your own after growing up with it for so many years due to repetitive childhood dialogue that stays stuck in your mindset.
Seek counseling to get the right tools on how to improve things between you and your family.
Any professional therapy is great when you are experiencing ongoing family drama. This is especially true if there has been controlling or abusive behavior to deal with. It’s not all just about how your family feels about everything, your needs are just as important and so are your partner’s. Compromise on both sides is always a necessity when it comes to staying connected to your family. Although saying that, it is important to understand that you can only control how you conduct yourself moving forward, and counseling is an excellent start to bettering your situation!
Leaving things in limbo and just hoping they will eventually improve is definitely not the answer. You can also pass down behavioral issues to your children, who will often continue the dysfunctional cycle. Sometimes there is just a big disconnect with certain family members that never seems to dissipate and there is nothing you can do about it no matter how hard you try.
You should always respect yourself and your partner first, regardless of whether you are able to fix things with your family, or you end up walking away from these continual disruptions in your day-to-day life.
You will always have to deal with the trials and tribulations that come with being an adult, but you shouldn’t have to cope with painful disagreements or repetitious mind games with your family. This is not a healthy way to live, and you shouldn’t have to endure this type of heartache waking up every day in this inharmonious environment.
It might be time to rethink the part that you are playing within your family circle and comprehend what, and if, you are getting anything back from the energy you are giving out to them. You deserve more, and so does the partner you chose to love and share your life with. Sometimes taking a little sabbatical from a hurtful situation gives you a much clearer outlook on how to handle things moving forward.
*Please watch the video above to see what else I have to say on this important discussion.
Thank you, Sybersue xo <3
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