Thank you for visiting Dear Sybersue! Today I discuss the topic: Dating Someone Who Has Been Single for a Long Time. Is this a problem?
If you are questioning this situation with someone you are interested in dating, then the first thing you may want to clarify is why they have been single for a long time. Was it due to other priorities, like finishing college or pursuing their career aspirations? Was it due to a painful breakup, or maybe they have a fear of commitment?
If you ask the right questions and really listen to their answers, you will have a much better understanding of whether you will be a good fit with them, and maybe even have a potential partnership down the road.
#1 – It is important for you to know if they are actually ready to be in a partnership.
When you are deciding on whether you are going to date someone who has been single for a very long time, you need to listen closely to what they tell you. Early communication is essential with anyone you chose to date. Many men and women ignore important information that is discussed on those first few dates, but this is the time to really listen!
- Are they ready to date? What has changed in their life that they are now ready?
- Do they come across as guarded or have trust issues?
- Is there some leftover unresolved baggage they haven’t quite dealt with?
- How independent are they? You don’t want to be the last priority in someone’s life.
- Are they emotionally available and ready to fall in love?
If they tell you at any time that they are not ready to be in a relationship, please believe them. It has to be a reciprocated two-way street for things to work long-term. Putting energy into someone who is happier being single will only cause you heartbreak. It isn’t your job to try to make them change their mind and fall in love with you, if they are not ready walk away.
#2 – You want to be assured that they are invested in getting to know you! Here are a few things to think about:
- Are they communicative with you, or do they have difficulty opening up and sharing their feelings?
- Do you find that you are second-guessing their every move?
- Are they reserved, secretive, or angry about a past relationship?
- Have they had any counseling for situations that have caused them some pain in their life?
- What does your gut say? Do you question their feelings towards you, and you’re not sure where you stand with them in a romantic sense?
- Do they speak clearly and openly about what they are looking for in a partner, and what is important to them in a relationship?
- Has being single given them a confident and positive outlook when it comes to how they view relationships today?
It isn’t a negative thing when someone has chosen to stay single in the past. In fact, it actually shows strength when someone decides to take some time for themselves and to get their life in order.
Taking some space from dating and being in a relationship is always a positive action, as it allows people to have the time to figure out who they are and what it is they’re looking for in a partnership down the road. It allows them to become comfortable in their own skin without the influence of others. Spending time alone can be very therapeutic!
#3- It is very important not to jump in too quickly with someone who has been single for a long time, or to have big expectations early on.
Setting a nice pace in a new scenario is great for both of you and allows you some time to trust that there is a comfortable bond developing between you as a couple. You also want to ensure that they are emotionally available and ready to have a potential partnership in the months to follow. What do their actions say? Pay close attention to their body language as well as what they tell you.
Dating is an investment of your time and possibly your heart, so it is always a smart concept to stand back a little and really observe what is transpiring between you both. Unfortunately, many people don’t take this advice and jump in fast due to the powerful chemistry they feel.
This often ends just as fast as it starts when sex happens before you know each other, and then the initial excitement starts to slow down after a few months. There can be a lot of expectations put on each other at this stage of a new romance. If the intimate liaisons aren’t perfect all the time, you can both start to read into things that aren’t really there. If sex has been the only thing between you right from the beginning, you don’t have the communication skills to move forward, because you haven’t developed them together as a couple.
#4 – The positive reasons why dating someone who has been single can be a good thing!
The one big positive element about dating someone who has been single for a while is that they have spent more time figuring out who they are as a person, rather than being a member of the serial dating club and becoming more and more confused as to what it is they are looking for in a partner.
When you work on yourself first, they aren’t many questions about what makes you truly happy in your life. You are very aware and secure in your surroundings, but you would also enjoy meeting someone who is an extension of who you already are. You have taken the time to understand what that is.
The great thing is they are not looking for someone to make them feel whole. They are already complete as a person, but having a partner to share their life with would just be that much more special. It is always wonderful to have special memories with someone you love. You just have to be mindful going into a committed scenario with them, they are sincerely ready to be open and communicative when it comes to showing love to you as their partner.
Thank you, Sybersue xo <3
Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please contact me @ https://www.calltheone.com/susan-mccord and message me there to set up a video call or voice call appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!
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