I am a subscriber to your YouTube channel, and I am wondering if you can help me with my situation. I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my question.
How do I get my partner to respect me more? I am in a 3-year relationship with a man that I love unconditionally. Unfortunately, it is not reciprocated in the way I would like it to be. Everything is on his terms, and for the most part, I am OK with that. The big problem that I’m having is the way he disrespects me in front of others by talking down to me. It’s almost like he is embarrassed to be with me!
He is also quite jealous and makes accusations that I’m flirting with other men. I seriously don’t even look at other guys! We are exclusive with each other but don’t live together. There hasn’t been any talk about marriage since our first year together, which is another big concern for me.
Is my boyfriend checking out of our relationship by behaving this way, and is there anything I can do to make him respect me more?
Thank you, Madison
Thanks for writing and for subscribing to my channel! The first thing you have to do to get respect from people is to always respect yourself, first. You have to have boundaries in place that are not crossed. Standing up for yourself when your boyfriend talks down to you is one of those boundaries.
You say that you love your boyfriend unconditionally, but he seems to have many conditions placed upon YOU within your partnership. You also mentioned that you are OK with things being on his terms, but it’s time to ask yourself why that is OK. Why are you taking a back seat to your own personal needs?
I totally understand your concern about whether your partner may be checking out of the relationship due to the fact that there has been no discussion regarding your future for the past 2 years. You don’t seem to be moving forward or progressing to a more committed scenario with your separate living conditions.
Are you apprehensive to ask him about this because you are afraid to hear his answer? You should always want to hear where you stand with someone you are in a partnership with. If you are investing in them, it is imperative that they are also invested in you as well. Being in a one-sided situationship is going to be pretty lonely for you as the years go by. I am glad you are questioning it now because you deserve more.
The reason it is called a partnership is that you share many things together as a couple.
In a healthy relationship, one person does not rule the roost and make all the decisions on a continual basis. It is so important to voice your concerns and your desires to your boyfriend. Your needs should be respected by your partner, just as you respect his on a daily basis. It shouldn’t be all about him, Madison, but unfortunately it has become that way. We all know what happens to a spoiled child who always gets their way, the same thing happens when your partner is spoiled in a relationship. It is now expected and has become the norm.
As far as his jealousy goes, it could be due to his own insecurities or possible leftover residue from a past relationship breakup. Many people who are controlling in nature have insecurities. Don’t mistake this for confidence! Whatever the case, he needs to stop throwing out the jealousy card so that you have to constantly defend yourself. It almost sounds like he is looking for a reason to argue with you. Ask him to point out what you are doing to give him this impression. Accept any ownership if you are contributing to his concerns.
It also may be time for you to get some counseling on your own so that you can get to the root of why you chose your boyfriend to be your partner. What attracted you to him? There could be some underlying self-esteem scenario that you haven’t dealt with in your past. The number one priority here is you, so work on yourself, and improve your relationship boundaries, and the rest will follow.
Standing up for yourself doesn’t have to be confrontational.
Whenever something happens that you are not happy about with your partner’s actions, discuss it right then and there. Do not let it go by ignoring it, or bringing it up at another time. Your self-respect is important, and this needs to be addressed when you feel disrespected by his behavior. Having a voice is important in every relationship because it keeps things balanced, and you are both expressing your feelings equally.
It is definitely time to sit your boyfriend down and tell him these concerns you are sharing with me here. You have to be ready to change up the dynamics if you are serious about seeing any improvement. He might rebel against making any changes, which may put you in a position of having to make some tough decisions. Whenever he talks down to you, tell him that it’s not acceptable and walk away. Leave the venue immediately if you are out for the evening, and he does this in public. Sometimes in life, we have to teach people how we want to be treated!
Your partner may not respect you due to you allowing his dominant behavior, but at the same time, when things are so easy, there is no need for him to change his ways. It’s very contradicting because when things are too available, people often lose interest in their partner, but they continue to stick around. They are not really happy in their environment because there is no challenge or excitement due to the fact that they get everything they want all the time.
Having personal boundaries would not only improve your self-respect, it would not allow him to control your relationship.
Implementing your ideas and choices as to what you do together socially as a couple will help to alleviate his control over you. When you make suggestions for a night out somewhere, and he doesn’t comply or compromise in any way, go out and do it anyway. Once he knows you are serious about having your choice respected within your partnership, he will either agree to your wishes or continue standing his ground for power.
Continue making these changes for a month or so and see if you notice any improvements. If this starts continual arguments or added control issues on his part, you may not be able to repair things. He has to want to have a reciprocated love connection with you for your partnership to work long-term. At least now, you will know what you are up against and can make your decision on what to do moving forward as a couple. You always have a choice, Madison, and it is really important not to lose sight of this. Wishing you love and happiness always. ❤️
Dear Sybersue xo
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Thank you, Sybersue xo ❤️
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