In today’s post, I discuss a subject that affects many people on a daily basis! “How Do I Get Along Better With The Father of My Children After Our Divorce??”
It is difficult enough just ending a marriage or long-term partnership but add kids into the mix, and it can feel like you never even left your Ex! You have to keep dealing with them and being reminded of what didn’t work out between you as a couple!
How do you move on without anger so that you can enjoy the next part of your life and also keep your children happy?
Children are like sponges and are affected by their parents and siblings’ actions at an early age. It is so important in the formative years to have a safe and drama-free environment to grow up in.
I still have flashbacks to my early childhood that pop in and out of my consciousness. The smallest things trigger these memories; some good and some not so good. As a parent, you are the guide to your child’s happiness, so you need to put your own anger and resentment out of their reach.
As much as you might dislike your ex right now, they are the reason why you have your children!
If you hadn’t met your ex-husband, you wouldn’t have these beautiful children that bring you so much joy today. You allowed your Ex to be a part of your life, and you loved him at one point. Unfortunately, tough times and difficult situations can change the love you once shared with your partner. This can cause feelings of resentment that continue to cause havoc between you both, especially if it wasn’t a reciprocated ending. It is important to grieve your breakup and obtain some counseling if you are holding onto anger or intense sadness.
Understanding that you have to own your part in what transpired between you and your Ex will also help you to move on from feeling stuck or lost in this new phase of your life.
There are two people in a marriage, and both of you have to be responsible for what didn’t work and caused the demise of your partnership. Quite often one person moves on a lot faster after a divorce, which can enhance the feelings of loss even more for the other person. If you can both be compassionate and not rub your new life in each other’s face, this will greatly improve your interaction as a divorced couple.
Do not involve your children in your dating life or any new relationships until they have had a lot of much-needed time to adjust to the breakup of their family. Sadly, this happens way too often and causes painful reactions that take everyone more time to heal. Be respectful of your ex and vice versa. If you want to date, do it when it is your time away from the children. They love both their mother and their father and are not ready to accept anyone else into the mix.
I made my own mistakes as a young single mom, and it took everything in me to cope with parenting an active toddler, working full time, wage cutbacks, daycare issues, and dealing with divorce proceedings. No one said it was easy, but the unconditional love I had for my son kept me believing, “It gets better” and “It’s worth it!”
My son saw too much and had to grow up faster than he should have, and I take ownership of that. I was a young mom finding my way, but I would have definitely done things a little differently today. One of the big lessons for me is that I would have asked for help even when people didn’t offer it. (If you have any single parents as friends, just asking them if you can help out for an afternoon with the kids is so much more appreciated than you will ever know!)
Some of the built-up resentment you may feel for your Ex is due to the stress of being a single parent and having to do the work of two people.
It is not only financially difficult, but it can be downright exhausting to juggle it all alone and stay positive throughout the years. I strongly suggest sitting down with your Ex-husband and a therapist to devise a plan that works for both of you with a parenting schedule. You should both be on the same page with always having your children’s best interests as a priority over your own personal needs in the first year or two of a divorce. It may take a while until you can both co-parent at holiday celebrations, sporting events, or school activities, but that will come if you take the time to learn how to be civil with one another.
You should also both be on board and communicate what may be transpiring with your children’s well-being, and how they are coping with these devastating changes to their family dynamics. It is imperative that you don’t fight in front of them, as difficult as this may be at times. They are feeling very insecure right now, and watching their parents argue sets them back each time they have to witness this.
Any disagreements you have should be dealt with outside the home and away from the children. Respecting and appreciating each other as the parents of your kids is a big part of healing from a divorce. They need you both.
Try not to beat yourself up about what has happened to end your relationship. People change, and things don’t always work out the way we hope they will. That is a part of life that helps us continually grow into a better and stronger version of ourselves. It is how fast we learn these tough lessons and how appreciative we are of those experiences, that will lead us to our highest good and a partnership better suited for us down the road.
Our children deserve unconditional happiness and to see us at our very best. They want to see us happy, too.
Have you dealt with this scenario? How did you handle it? Please leave your comments below so that you can help others!
Thank you, Sybersue xo ❤️
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