Am I Just My Boyfriend's Trophy Girlfriend?

Hi, welcome to Dear Sybersue! Today I answer Jennifer’s question: Am I Just My Boyfriend’s “Plus One” Trophy Girlfriend?

Dear Sybersue,

After dating my boyfriend for 2 months I am not sure where I stand with him or have any idea of how he really he feels about me. It’s very confusing as he invites me out regularly to his friends birthday parties, his family gatherings, weddings and any other social event that he has on his calendar.

He is always pleasant with me and follows through on everything he says. He calls/text me often and treats me like a lady when we are out. He introduces me to everyone and I have met most of his family already!

So WTF is my problem right?

I am worried he may have put me as his “plus 1” in the friend zone!

He isn’t very romantic but does put his arm around me at these functions and always gives me a kiss (more like a peck) goodnight. Before you ask, (because I know you will) no, we haven’t slept together yet.

Is he just being a gentleman and getting to know me first? Is there a guy out there that would do that????

The last thing I want to be is naive and put in time with a man who isn’t really all that interested or who is using me so that he appears to have a woman in his life.

Or…should I be patient for a little while longer? Is he just biding his time, being a gentleman and might actually be interested in a long term relationship? Is that wishful thinking?

We never have any alone time as we only go to social evenings that include numerous people. He definitely seems proud of being with me but I don’t want to just be someone’s trophy girl. I want more than that!

What should I do? I do like him a lot and don’t want to scare him off, but I do want some answers as to how he feels about me. Any suggestions?

Thank you!

Jennifer 🙂

Dear Jennifer,

Thanks so much for your question which is a really good one! Dating today is not easy and there are so many mixed signals that both sexes are having a really hard time deciphering!

Saying that; when you are off to a good start in a healthy relationship there is a respectful and reciprocated communication between you as a couple. You’re not left questioning things.

You need to have a chat with him pronto!

After two months you have the right to ask what his intentions are. Is he interested in more than just a “fun female sidekick” to do things with? I would be blunt and ask him outright if he views your relationship as only a platonic friendship.

Be direct and don’t sugarcoat your question. Ask him what you want to know. If that scares him off, so be it!

Everything will depend on his answer of course and maybe a part of you is afraid or not ready to hear it. It is always better to know the truth now than invest a few years into something that isn’t going anywhere.

Let’s give your man the benefit of the doubt that he really is into you and what may be happening on his end:

He may not have had a girlfriend for a while and could just be taking his time showing you off to everyone he is close to in his life. He could have some fears from a past relationship.
He could be a respectful gentleman and not pushy in the sex department. He doesn’t want to scare you away by being too intimate too early on.
He could really like you! Most men will not introduce you to their family if there isn’t a big interest in the woman they are bringing home.
He may be really excited that he has met this great woman and can finally take a partner to all these social outings with him.
He could have some communication issues when it comes to sharing his feelings and he is taking things slow.
He may not be getting encouraging vibes from you on whether you are really interested. You could be holding back without realizing it and he may be getting some mixed signals from you that you are not aware of putting out.

Whatever the scenario is Jennifer, don’t wait too long to ask the questions. It is always best to talk to each other openly especially when it is a new partnership because you still don’t know each other well enough to have an idea of what they are thinking, or understand their body language.

Don’t assume he is or isn’t invested in you, find out by communicating your thoughts and concerns. It’s time.