Advice columnist

Why Do I Keep Dating Weirdos?
by

Why Do I Keep Dating Weirdos?

In Today’s Weekly Video Sybersue Answers the Question: “Why Do I Keep Attracting Weirdos to Date? What’s Wrong With Me?” This video applies to both men and women even though the question is from a woman.

Dating is so difficult today especially with most of it done online! How do you really know who someone is from seeing their dating profile or a few pictures they have uploaded? Don’t we all look like we are living an absolutely fantastic life on our Facebook and Instagram pages??

Unfortunately that isn’t always the case and contributes to many people living in a pretentious social media facade. This can cause all sorts of problems with confidence levels when men and women actually engage with someone in a “face to face” scenario.

Sometimes we put out certain vibes or self esteem issues that bring the wrong people towards us.

Showing any vulnerability, shyness or desperation will attract certain types that may have similar traits to yours or it could attract someone who may be looking for a partner they can control.

It’s up to you who you allow in your life and if there is a repetitive problem that is driving you crazy, it is time to analyse what that is and change up this uncomfortable dating pattern.

It’ s never too late to learn things about yourself and you should never stop growing to be a better version of who you are. Some of life’s obstacles are meant to make you into a stronger person because the Universe has better plans in store for you.

Ya I know… whatevvvvver, right?

Regardless of  whether you believe in spiritual vibration; the first rule of thumb when something isn’t benefiting you in your life, is to take a step back and own your actions or the part you play in your choices.

Take some responsibility in why you are bringing these undesirable people towards you and figure out what needs to change. 

How can you fix this so that you can have a great partnership? Do you really think everyone out there is weird or do you think maybe you need to alter your personal boundaries?

What is the biggest thing drawing you towards these people? Is there a certain look that attracts you? Do they have a bad boy/girl persona or sarcastic personality? Knowing what you want is crucial to meeting the right people to date. Any confusion with this will keep you in repetitive limbo.

You’re on the right path because you understand things NEED to change. This is the first and right step to bettering your situation. Wishing you love and happiness and a brand new outlook in your dating life.

Please watch the video above and leave your comments below! I always answer you back. xo Sybersue

dear_sybersue__caricature01-2

Dear Sybersue is an Informative and very REAL dating/relationship coach & advice columnist for men & women of all Ages! Check out more videos on her YouTube Channel 

Why is my Boyfriend so Defensive? Is He Hiding Something?
by

Why is my Boyfriend so Defensive? Is He Hiding Something?

Why is my Boyfriend so Defensive? Is He Hiding Something?

Dear Sybersue,

Things have changed so much in the last few months between my boyfriend and I! He seems to be angry about something but won’t open up completely with me. I am not sure whether he is internalizing a problem and trying to deal with it on his own, or whether he is slowly pulling back from our relationship??

I don’t want to keep harassing him with questions and I am hoping that this is just a moody phase that will fizzle out. His defensiveness is very disturbing as it seems to be the way he reacts to anything I ask him or even with the simplest conversations I have with him!

Is he questioning our relationship and doesn’t have patience with us as a couple anymore? How do I handle this without becoming defensive myself? We live together and I get a little anxious about coming home these days.

Thanks Sybersue

Teri 

Hi Teri,

Yes, things have definitely shifted in your partnership. He is holding onto something that has happened either to himself or within the dynamics of you as a couple. Can you think of anything that transpired a few months ago when his defensive attitude started?

Did you have a situation where the trust in your relationship was tarnished to some degree? A jealous scenario maybe? Is he having trouble at work that he may be hiding from you?

Whatever is going on with him you can’t live this way forever.

He needs to tell you what is he feeling so that you can try to fix the problem together or move on so that you can both be happy. Chalking it up to him being in a moody phase isn’t good because you are taking a back seat to the respect you deserve! You are a couple and it’s not just all about him.

Having to walk on eggshells around your partner is not a healthy environment and will play havoc on your self-esteem! 

I would ask him the tough questions that you may not have asked for fear of hearing something you don’t want to hear. Don’t live in denial!

If there has been a change of heart in your partnership, do you  really want to spend another few years with someone who has removed himself romantically and emotionally from you?

Communication is everything in a relationship and because your boyfriend has shut down, he is pushing you further away with every defensive comment. That isn’t fair to you and he needs to be honest and share what he is thinking and feeling with you as his partner.

Maybe you could suggest a counselor or coach that you could go to as a couple or he might prefer to go on his own for a few sessions first? If he has no interest in repairing or acknowledging this defensive problem, then you will have to make some tough decisions for yourself.

Don’t let someone else’s moods dictate your own happiness, you’re worth more than that. You shouldn’t have to feel anxious in your own home.

Let me know how things go Teri. Please keep me posted!

Sybersue ❤

Please watch the video above for more advice on this question.

Sybersue loves to hear from you & will always reply to your comments! Please leave your thoughts below!

dear_sybersue__caricature01-2

sybersue xoxo ❤

Dear Sybersue YouTube        Dear Sybersue Facebook   

Intro music Taylor-Rae

5 Attributes that Men Really Want in Their Partner
by

5 Attributes that Men Really Want in Their Partner

Canadian Talk Show Host Susan McCord (aka Dear Sybersue) gets many questions from her male viewers on her advice column and this topic “5 attributes that men want in their partner” is one of the biggest conversations of all.

Women think all men care about is sex but that isn’t true for most guys. They want a loving relationship just like women do.

They are tired of being categorized and want women to know what is really important to them. Dear Sybersue promised to do this video (above) on behalf of the numerous emails she received on the subject.

Many women have lost hope when it comes to finding a partnership and are incredibly frustrated with the whole dating scenario. Men feel the same way and this is now becoming a big negative environment with both sexes.

As Dr. Phil says “How’s that working for you?”

It’s not right? So what are you going to do; complain about what’s not working or change things up so that they do work?

How Do We Do That Ladies & Gentlemen?

  1. We stop repeating patterns that are causing us drama. Stop going for the unavailable hot bad boys or bad girls would be a great start. This situation is usually very short lived and while you may have one or two nights of wild sizzling sex, it can leave you feeling lonelier that before you dated them.
  2. Don’t give out TMI! Stop telling people every little thing about what makes you tick. Take your time divulging private things about yourself.
  3. Leave a little mystery so they want to find out more about you. I certainly don’t condone playing games with them but hold back some things until you know them better. You don’t even know if you like them yet so don’t give away all your fabulous secrets.
  4. Be authentic to who you are. No one likes to find out 3 months later that what they thought they had in common with you, was just a lie to keep them interested.
  5. No one is better than anyone else so if someone comes up to talk to you when you are out for the evening, acknowledge them. You may be shocked at how much you enjoy talking with them.
  6. Be aware of your body language and how you come across. I can’t believe how many men and women portray “resting bitch face” out there. Smile! 🙂
  7. If you have a bad date don’t become disillusioned with the whole process. Get back out there on a different horse.
  8. Stay positive! No one wants to hang out with Dick or Debbie Downer.
  9. Everyone has insecurities but don’t let them define you so that you sabotage a potential partnership.
  10. Be kind to everyone all the time. There is no room for arrogance, self entitlement, being high maintenance or too picky!
  11. Real love doesn’t come easy and is worth the wait. Be a little more patient and embrace all new opportunities that come your way. If it were too easy to find it wouldn’t be special would it?
  12. Lose the 12 page checklist. That person doesn’t exist!
  13. You have your own life so don’t lose sight of that by making someone your whole world. Don’t lose your identity to be with someone else.
  14. Be careful not to become a texting stalker. Too much too soon is a big turnoff.
  15. Learn from you dating mistakes, don’t repeat them, own your part in what didn’t work and always listen to your instincts.

While there are definitely some hurdles with dating in the millennium, they are things that are pretty cool as well. Social media tools can bring us together in a much bigger way if we use them correctly.

Life is not meant to be easy but it is how you handle “those annoying curveballs” that will bring you closer to being centered and present so that you can be the best YOU!

The quicker you move on from those obvious red flags will be when your new journey begins. When you meet that loving person to share your life with there are no deep dark questions. It just fits and flows beautifully. There is no drama and there are no BS games to deal with.

We all want love in our life and there is someone for everyone once we change our attitude and believe we deserve it.

Please leave your comments below and subscribe to The Dear Sybersue YouTube Channel! ❤

Thank you,

Sybersue

The Dear Sybersue Advice Talk Show
Facebook Dear Sybersue
Dear Sybersue Instagram
Dear Sybersue Blogs & Advice Column 

by

Don’t Let Mean Girls Squash Your Achievements!

Girl Power! Don't Let Other Women Squash Your Achievements.

It’s not easy being male or female in today’s world but it can be a little more difficult being a woman in some aspects.

There is so much pressure to look or act a certain way and female competition is at an all time high. It’s not just within the millennial group and their “selfie upload” social media status; it is a problem with all age groups!

Yes, even mine!

You would think that the older you get the less drama you have to deal with, but unfortunately this is not the case at all. It is how you handle it that will determine how much it actually effects you.

You have to get to a point in your life where you “trust who you are” and what choices you make in your short time here on this planet.

We are constantly worried about how people view us or how to deal with the gossip or negativity we hear about ourselves, that it actually causes more anxiety and depression than we are initially aware of.

It slowly creeps up like a bad pair of underwear.

Many women hide these feelings and eventually it erupts internally like a volcano. It can make you feel lonely, invalidated, squashed and ridiculed. Even with all the hype to stop bullying, it still happens on a regular basis.

What Are the Signs to Look Out for to Avoid Attracting These Women into Your Life?

  • Negative feedback may not be really obvious to some people because the words are more like subtle digs or sarcasm. (I don’t like sarcasm in any form. It is just a mean person’s way of using humor at someone else’s expense.)
  • There is lack of interest in you and what is going on in your life. They don’t ask because they don’t care or might be envious of any success you have.
  • They offer very little support for you even though you are very supportive to them.
  • They are critical about some of your achievements or ignore them altogether, even though you offer them praise towards theirs.
  • You are complimentary to them but it is seldom reciprocated.
  • They only call you when they need something but are not there for you when you have a problem.
  • You have heard from others that they have spoken negatively about you or shared some private information.
  • They play both sides of the fence and throw you under the bus in certain gossipy scenarios.

You have to know when enough is enough.

Friendships and business partnerships shouldn’t be torturous to be in. They should be  harmonious, respectful and reciprocated. When people tell you that you are too sensitive because you tell them you feel hurt by something they said, it is them who are being INSENSITIVE.

A true friend wouldn’t say hurtful things and certainly wouldn’t tell you to squash your feelings. They would validate your feelings just as you would do so for them. If you end up in one-sided friendships you have to start looking in the mirror and ask yourself why you are letting these people into your life; because it’s not healthy.

When you learn to remove the people who are just there to use you or lean on you when they need you, eventually your life will start to feel less like a Real Housewives episode. There is no room for gossip, constant negativity or repetitive one-sided friendships!

Your feelings matter and it is not all about them. Don’t get caught in that trap where all you are doing is listening to their life dramatics and they could care less about your life.

You need balance and a healthy environment to feel at peace with yourself which means you need to surround yourself with like-minded people who understand the importance of this.

Be True to You and Never be Number Two. ❤

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

 

by

Dear Sybersue ~ Are Women Becoming More Sexually Experienced Than Men Today?

sexy women on bookshelf

Hi Sybersue,

I really liked your video about the double standards about the sexes. I do think things have changed though about casual sex. Me personally, I am just your average guy, with not so much charm. I have never been a player and I know for a fact that my past girlfriends had a lot more sexual experience than me and it never bothered me. I actually find it kind of hot. Do you think it’s becoming more normal today for a woman to have more sexual experience than the guy she ends up in a relationship with?

Thanks, Zack

Hi Zack,

Thanks for your message. I think that women today are definitely more experienced sexually than ever before. Part of the reason is that women have evolved on many levels over the last 50 years. It wasn’t that long ago that they were not allowed to vote & in many places in the world women are very much second class citizens.

There are so many online resources to help guide people who need knowledge in certain areas so women can refer to these websites/platforms anonymously & get all the information they need. In the past they were probably too embarrassed or not permitted to ask some of the questions they were curious about. It’s all available at the tips of our fingers today!

Women are the more emotional of the sexes as well so it is not surprising you have met women who are “literally” sexually in touch with themselves. Good for you to appreciate it & not be intimidated by them. That shows a wonderful maturity & acceptance on your part!

Statistically speaking, I am not sure whether many women have “more” sexual experience then men or not, but I do know that they are experimenting more now & sometimes with each other too.  The world has changed & we can always learn new things. Teachers come in all forms, which in my books is one of life’s great gifts that we should all welcome into our world. Being open minded & accepting of change will keep you on an innovative path. Enjoy!

Thanks for taking the time to write.

Sybersue ❤