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10 Things I Would Tell My Younger Self Today About Marriage

Welcome to Dear Sybersue! Today’s topic is: 10 Things I would Tell My Younger Self Today About Marriage.

It such is a wonderful feeling when you meet that special person who rocks your world. You are even starting to envision sharing your life with them!

You need to be smart about things when you are deciding to take your relationship to a deeper level. A committed partnership takes work and entails many selfless actions to maintain a solid connection. You both need to understand the important aspects of what makes a couple a great fit.

So many things need to be discussed before you walk down the aisle.

It is so easy to get caught up in the early stages of lust and romance ignoring some of those red flags! You push them aside and hope they will just eventually go away. Unfortunately, these can often become a problem as time goes by in a relationship.

“Really? How bad can they be when my partner and I are so intimately connected with each other?”

Yes, sex is a big part of a relationship but there are so many other components needed to maintain a long-term commitment. You both need to be on the same page with your future goals as a couple before you get engaged and walk down that aisle.

A partnership is a full time job that continually needs attention. That is not a bad thing because anything in life worth having needs nurturing.

Here are 10 Important Things a Couple Should Have in Their Marriage.

1. Communicatiion is #1

Can you be open with each other when discussing most things? Do you feel safe sharing things with your partner on a regular basis? Talking with your partner should be reciprocated, feel easy and trusting. This includes when you have to deal with some of those uncomfortable conversations regarding financial worries, sex/health issues, or personal insecurities.

Listening to each other and hearing what each other is saying is so important. Being supportive of your partner is a big part of maintaining the longevity of your relationship. It shows you care and really hear them. We all go through some tough times in our lives and having someone to offer suggestions, a big hug, or who is just there to listen, is so appreciated.

This is why it is called a partnership. You are a team working together!

2. Are you both emotionally available and connected?

Are you both on the same page when it comes to having an emotional connection? It is very very difficult to maintain closeness if one person is shut down in a partnership.

If you are willing to spend your life with someone then you need to learn how to be trusting and transparent with them as well. If you have some leftover childhood or relationship demons that are holding your emotions back, I strongly suggest that you speak to a therapist about them.

It’s not fair to ask your partner to be in a one-sided scenario. If you love them enough to want to marry them then it is your responsibility to do everything in your power to connect with them on an emotional level.

You may be an introverted person with people outside your home, but it’s not OK to close off from your partner. They didn’t sign up to learn how to read your mind or try to figure out what you are feeling. Please don’t shrug this off as if it isn’t important. Emotional cheating is a real problem and a big reason why some marriages end.

3. Are your sexual desires and expectations compatible?

Maintaining intimacy in your relationship is extremely important because it will always keep you close and connected as a couple. Sex and romance should always be a priority in your partnership. It is the formula to reaching those milestone anniversaries.

If you openly communicate your sexual desires or concerns with each other early on there won’t be questions or insecurities. Be honest with your partner and never put them or yourself in a situation where you don’t feel comfortable. Make sure you are both on the same page when it comes to all things intimate. Don’t blindside each other down the road with alternative sexual desires that you didn’t share with your partner at the beginning.

4. Do you have the utmost respect for each other?

This may seem like a no-brainer. Why would you be with someone who doesn’t respect you right? Well unfortunately this is a serious problem with some couples. If you don’t respect your partner’s choices within your relationship this will start to break down the foundation. You need to be on the same page with so many things in a partnership. If you are on opposite sides of the spectrum how will things evolve together as the years’ progress?

Quite often in my coaching sessions, a few of my clients will admit that they didn’t discuss their goals, beliefs, or desires in great detail with their partners during the courtship stage. This shows a disconnect within the communication and trust level of the partnership.

You should always be able to talk about everything with the person you are planning to share your life with! Pay close attention to this big red flag. Having respect for each other is huge and if it isn’t there your relationship will be in trouble.

5. Prioritizing Your finances and setting up a savings plan

This was a big problem in my first marriage. We were young and my husband and I had different ideas on how we should spend our money. I wanted to save for a home but he thought that we had all the time in the world to make that happen. This of course became a repetitive argument that didn’t end well. We didn’t prioritize this before we got married which was a big mistake. We also were not emotionally connected which was another problem. We were opposites for the most part.

Sticking to a budget can feel boring but it is a healthy way to reach your marital goals. Be careful that you aren’t too strict so that there is no money left for a little fun. Make sure you have some money set aside each month for date nights. You should always make time to nurture the love in your relationship.

It doesn’t have to be expensive and I recommend that you plan weekly evenings out together. A coffee date or a walk in the park is a great way to stay connected and doesn’t break your budget. Sometimes the simplest dates are the most romantic.

6. Do you both feel the same way about starting a family?

This is such a big problem in a lot of relationships! A couple may brush over the conversation about having children but not really get an affirmative answer. Don’t let this slide into the gray area. If having a family is crucial to you, it needs to be addressed early on in your partnership.

If you are committed to each other you both have the right to know where you stand on this issue. Don’t be afraid to talk about this because you think it might scare your partner away. If that happens let them go. It is not uncommon to hear of couples spending 3 years in a partnership and then finding out their partner never really wanted to have children.

Listen very carefully to what they say. If they are adamant about not wanting a family, and that is important to you, this should be a deal-breaker. Sticking around and hoping they will change their mind will only end up leaving you very disappointed.

7. Are you Supportive of each’s career and future aspirations?

Do you like and respect what your partner does for a living, and vice versa? Our job is a big part of our life but if it is overly demanding, your partner may not feel like a priority to you. Compromises must be made when you venture into a marriage.

Some busy jobs just don’t allow the time to be in a committed relationship. This is something to be aware of when you are choosing your career path. Not everyone needs to be in a full-time relationship and that is totally OK, but don’t expect the people you’re dating to be alright with it.

Honesty is a very big part of a committed relationship.

8. Are you both in agreement of where will you live?
  • Are you both interested in buying a house or a condo? Do you have a financial plan set in place?
  • Would you rather rent for a while and not have mortgage responsibilities due to other financial commitments?
  • Are you willing to move to another city or country?
  • Are there any live-in family expectations from your parents or in-laws?

Please ensure that you have both dealt with this important detail. This is a big issue in long-distance relationships.

9. Are there religious or political differences?

Are you both on the same page when it comes to your religious and political beliefs? Is there any friction when it comes to discussing either subject? This is pretty important to have similar viewpoints or there could be continuous arguments on these subjects.

It is no one’s job to try to change your beliefs and what is important to you. You each have the right to your practice own religious faith and have your political choices.

However, I do advise that you discuss this fully and can truly accept each other’s differences. It is not an easy thing to compromise on in a partnership and I won’t lie about how difficult a road you will be on as a couple. It can be done if you are equally respectful towards one another and don’t try to change each other.

10. Do you have each other’s backs?

This is so important in so many aspects of a relationship. We all go through ups and downs in our lives and we all need support from our loved ones. You want to be able to rely on each other during those times.

If your partner isn’t there for you when you need them it will eventually take a toll on your relationship. This will cause major communication problems because you will start to shut down. If someone isn’t listening to you why would you continue to share things with them?

It is not a sign of weakness to need support once in a while. It is actually a strength to trust your partner in this way.

Obviously, there are way more than 10 things that make a healthy relationship, but if you follow these points above, it will definitely contribute to having a great partnership for many years to come. It’s really not that difficult to achieve when you always make each other a priority.

Thanks for visiting me here today!

*Please watch the video above to see Sybersue’s 10 important tips on what a couple should address in their partnership before they decide to get married.

Sybersue xo <3

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