Welcome to Sybersue! Today, I will be discussing: Why is my Partner Always Playing the Victim in Our Relationship?
If someone is continually playing the victim, it is usually because they are generally not happy in their life. They lack the tools and confidence to move forward in a constructive manner, and strongly believe nothing good ever happens for them.
This becomes a repetitive cycle that causes them to make excuses for why things aren’t happening in their life. They can also get into the habit of blaming others for why things aren’t working out the way they want them to.
We are all in charge of our own lives, but we don’t always feel good about where we are in our life at certain times. This can make us feel really stuck, which often brings out this negative victim thinking. The longer we stay feeling sorry for ourselves and upset about what isn’t happening for us, the more emerged we become in this self-loathing state of mind. We are really only mad at ourselves, but that may not be what we are projecting outward.
Your partner wants to vent and be heard, but they don’t always know how to fix what isn’t working in their life.
If this victim behavior is something new in your relationship, analyze what changes your partner has been going through. It could be a medical situation, some hormonal changes, career/job problems, or a series of back luck. Pay attention to what triggers these victim outbursts. Rather than being frustrated or sympathizing with their complaints, offer a few suggestions to help them out of their negative mindset. You know what makes them happy and the little things that can alter their mood.
Help them to open up and understand that we all feel a little deflated at times.
Talking to your partner about their fears and helping them see the positive things in their life can really help them to move forward. Many people who play the victim often have insecurities and trust issues. They may also feel that others are out to attack them or criticize them. Their self-esteem is jeopardized due to this ongoing thinking, which can be very difficult to get out of.
If your partner can at least own up to their insecurities and understand this is holding them back and becoming an issue, it will be a good time for them to seek some professional counseling. It is much harder to be there for them when they are in denial about their behavior. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.
Some people have absolutely no idea that they are playing the victim because they have been doing it for so long they don’t know anything else.
This can also be a form of attention-seeking that ends up pushing people away and actually sabotages their chance of happiness. As their partner, it’s not your job to fix them, but being there for them with love and support is a good start. Be careful not to enable their behavior. You’re not in your partnership just to continually help them, without getting anything back in return.
It can be very supportive to help your partner set some small goals to get them out of the rut they are in. Achievement is a big confidence booster and encourages them to want more of that great feeling. We all have a few special talents we can share, and sometimes it is just a matter of reminding ourselves what those are and implementing them into our life.
Many people feel as if they aren’t making a difference in this world, but they don’t know how to change that. They compare themselves to others and feel like they’re not contributing enough. Social media has caused a lot of insecurity among both men and women. Seeing what other people are doing and seeing how successful they are on their platforms can add even more self-doubt.
Having a purpose in our life is what makes us strive to be better each day. It keeps us focused and feeling accomplished.
Dear Sybersue
Your partner has to be willing to do the work to stay confident and keep their self-esteem in a healthy place. If they are not willing to help themselves and find a solution, it’s only a matter of time until your relationship fizzles out. It takes two people to make or break a partnership, it’s not one person’s job to hold everything in place.
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Sybersue xo <3
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