Why does the girl I am dating not want a relationship but wants to see me every day?
Welcome to Dear Sybersue! Today I answer Barry’s question.
Why is my new girlfriend sending me mixed signals? She said she definitely doesn’t want a relationship commitment but she is very assertive about wanting to see me every day!
Is she just playing some sort of game with me? Is there a chance that we may end up in a committed partnership down the road or am I just wasting my time with this girl? How should I handle this scenario?
Thank you, Barry
The rule of thumb for anyone dealing with a similar scenario such as this is to walk away if you are serious about having a committed relationship. Don’t “go in” thinking you will change their mindset because you will probably end up with a bruised ego or even worse, a broken heart.
Of course, there is always a chance that she may eventually alter her thinking and want a commitment but it’s not the best idea to gamble on this outcome. For anyone to make this strong of a statement early on in the dating process, it is very important that you really hear what she is saying.
You don’t want to spend 3 years with someone only to find out that what they told you in the very beginning about not wanting a relationship, was true! Something may have happened in her past to make her feel this strongly but it’s not your job to fix her or try to talk her into feeling something else.
There is no reason NOT to believe her and even though it may feel like a rejection, it’s not about you at all. Don’t take it personally, thank her for her honesty and move on.
Some people spend so much time not listening to those early red flags and then getting angry when things don’t go the way they want them to.
Here are a few scenarios on why she may not want a commitment
- Your girl could be playing a type of game where she thinks that by saying she doesn’t want a commitment it will keep you interested by not coming across as clingy or desperate.
- She may have some drama or heartache that she is dealing with from a past breakup.
- She could have just come out of a long relationship and wants to keep her options open.
- It could also be something deep-rooted that has tarnished her trust in relationships and she feels safer telling you she is not into a permanent situation. “Hey I told him the truth and it’s his choice whether he still wants to see me or not.”
Regardless of whatever her reasons are, she is sending a very mixed message to you as her actions are contradicting what she is telling you. It doesn’t have to be confusing if you take it for what it’s worth; she doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship.
It really is that simple!
Do not venture into this type of arrangement if being in a solid partnership is very important to you at this stage of your life. If you are OK with it for now and enjoy spending time with her knowing there are limitations and conditions, see her casually but on your terms.
Make sure you have some healthy boundaries
Don’t allow yourself to become a late-night booty call or the last-minute date when she decides to bless you with her company. You are also free to date others as you are under no obligation to be committed to just seeing her.
When someone tells you they do not want a relationship but they are seeing you all the time, they think they are protecting themselves from getting hurt. Which hardly makes sense does it?
Regardless of why she is sending these very mixed signals, it’s not a good idea to go into a lopsided situation if you want different things. You have to both be on the same page for a relationship to work or it’s not going to end well.
I am gathering by the fact that you wrote to me about this that you are not interested in just being her part-time unofficial boyfriend. Be communicative and honest with what you want right now, and don’t settle for anything less.
You never know Barry, you may end up together down the road when you are both ready and open for an exclusive and committed relationship but don’t wait too long before she figures that out. She’s either into this partnership 100% or I would advise you to let her go so you can meet someone who is into being committed to you.
Thanks for writing! Please watch the video above for more information on your question.
Sybersue xo <3
Personal Dating or Relationship Questions for Sybersue? Contact me via https://www.calltheone.com/susan-mccord and text me to set up a video call appt. within 24 hours.