Why Do Most of My Relationships Only Last for 3-6 Months?
Welcome to Dear Sybersue! Today’s discussion is a popular topic that many men and women want to talk about. Things can be quite confusing in a new relationship, especially when they start out fast and furious! The initial excitement is very addictive but unfortunately, it often ends just as fast as it started.
Why is that?
Why can’t some people seem to get past the early stages of a partnership even though everything is so amazing? Why does it fizzle out? Are the expectations too much and is the checklist too high maintenance?
Often when we meet someone who fits all the criteria that we are looking for we are just so happy that we jump in like gangbusters. “Finally, I met my person!” You see each other every day and the sex is incredible! You tell all your friends how amazing your new love interest is and things are fantastic for another month or two! Then out of nowhere things change and start to fall apart.
The 2 biggest reasons for this change are due to feelings of disappointment and fear.
Reality has started to set in and when one little thing isn’t flawless anymore, you or your partner start to realize that maybe you jumped the gun on this relationship. “Maybe I was blinded by the initial attraction?” “They are not who I thought they were.”
This can also be a fear-based behavior as well. You could be afraid that the relationship won’t work out so you end it before they break up with you! This is such a self-sabotaging scenario and the worst part is, many people are not even aware that they are doing this!
You want excitement and after the three-month honeymoon stage starts to slow down a little, you bolt out the door once more only to repeat the same addictive process over and over again. You become very accustomed to the adrenaline rush of a new partner.
Let’s face it, there is nothing better than the early lustful excitement of a new partnership. The pheromones keep us in a euphoric state…until they don’t.
Why have we become so unrealistic in our expectations of other people?
Do we measure up to those same expectations we demand from our partners? We all have a few flaws and insecurities so how did we get here? Why are we so judgmental to expect perfection from anyone we date or end up in a relationship with?
No one can live up to the rules and regulations and walking on constant eggshells if our partner isn’t happy with who we are as our authentic self. This can cause havoc with even the most confident men and women.
When you have invested 3-6 months into a relationship you have usually fallen in love at this point and so it is very hurtful to be dismissed due to not living up to this excessive magnificence! It also does a lot of emotional damage and tugs on our self-esteem a little more each time it happens.
How do you change this 3-6 month pattern?
- Take your time getting to know someone. Don’t see them every day in the beginning.
- Do not jump into bed with them right away. (Sex can really play with your emotions, especially for women.)
- Pay attention to who you attract towards you. Do you have a type? Change it up!
- Watch out for early red flags! Really listen to what they say on the first few dates. Do they want a commitment or are they telling you they are not ready for a relationship?
- Are you ready for a partnership? It could be you that is ending things in the 3-6 month stage. We don’t always see how our own behavior is the culprit in our unhappiness and the choices we make.
- Don’t give out more energy than you are receiving from your new partner. Do not put anyone on a pedestal.
- Make a list of the repetitive things that are noticeable in all of these short relationships. Make some changes and new boundaries.
*Please watch the video above for more on this subject.
Thank you! Sybersue xo <3
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